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Review #1, by marauderfan The First Victims

20th February 2017:
Hi! I'm here with your review from HPFT! (I'm Stella Blue over there, btw)

Hogwarts Era is actually my favourite so I'm pretty excited about this, even if you've not written much Hogwarts Era before. And honestly I don't see a lot of fics set in Hogwarts immediately after the war so I'm really looking forward to what you're going to do with that. It's nice to see this story through Ginny's eyes, too.

The first section of the story - Ginny talking about Fred's death - is so, so relatable, how sometimes when someone dies you can't really reconcile the fact that they're dead, and keep thinking they're just not here today, but it's something final like that that really drives the point home, and I thought that section was powerful, so well done. However, it doesn't 100% seem to fit with the rest of the chapter - if you added a bit of a transition between that section and the next, (like how that affects her starting a new year at Hogwarts?) it would be a lot less choppy overall.

"Is there anyone else?" Luna asked. -- This is PERFECT. This is the most Luna-ish question - like, it's kind of a weird thing to ask, as if Ginny's going on a massive spree of matchmaking, but Luna's not judgemental about asking, and just wants to help Ginny. You've totally nailed that balance of peculiar and practical that is so very Luna. :D And I thought her reaction to the outcome of Ginny's first attempt, getting Ron and Hermione together, was perfect - not particularly emotional about it, just interested in a sort of 'hmm look at that' way.

So yeah, that line was great, and I'll just take a moment to say that you do really well writing Luna overall. I know how difficult it is to capture her voice and particular mannerisms, and you did a wonderful job with her here. Ron was spot on too- it's very believable that he'd hold onto his grudge against Malfoy for... probably forever. :P I also like that Hermione called Crabbe and Goyle 'rocks'. I just found it really amusing for some reason - and also sounds like the type of insult Hermione would use. :P

Draco is definitely a changed person, but he seems awkward about it, like he's not sure who to be anymore now that he doesn't have 'those two rocks' hanging around him all the time and now that his father is disgraced/in Azkaban and the Death Eaters lost. And probably he wouldn't be that popular around Hogwarts, so he's trying to be nice. But he doesn't know how. It's certainly an interesting change and it makes a lot of sense considering how much his life has just changed. I'm looking forward to seeing more of him.

Long story short, your characterization of everyone is great :D

The one thing I'd want to comment on in terms of concrit is the pacing, particularly with Ginny's feelings. Knowing her temperament, I'm a bit surprised that she's so quick to change her tune about Malfoy after the one conversation. It's like she let go of her family's grudge against him almost instantly, which at least to me seemed a bit fast. I know this is eventually to be a Ginny/Draco story, so I get that you're trying to lead in that direction, but I think a slower process might be more believable - like she might just think this was a one off occurrence at first.

As another example, she also jumps from sadly wondering if Harry still loves her, to planning to set up Harry and Luna. Did she get over Harry that fast? I'd love to see a bit more development of this, as long-held feelings often take time to change. But of course, this is just my 2 cents and your story is yours to pace how you want it.

Ah, I feel like this review is a bit heavy on the CC but I want you to know that I did really enjoy this chapter, and I love the idea of Harry/Luna - I could totally see them working as a ship, even if it is unusual. Unusual ships are the beauty of fanfiction. :)

I hope this review was helpful! Great work on this story so far. I look forward to reading more :)

Author's Response: Hello! Thanks so much for a wonderful long review :D

I'm glad the characterisation worked out, because my characters being OOC is something I always worry about. Particularly Luna, since she has a character that stands out so people can tell if something is uncharacteristic of her.

Ginny was supposed to be trying to get over Fred's death and distracting herself, hence the beginning. But yeah, now that I think about it, it doesn't seem to fit in very well. I'll keep that in mind in the future :)

Ah, pacing. I try to keep things slow but I always forget what it's like if you're the reader who knows nothing about the story. I just get ahead of myself, which is probably why my novella ended 10 chapters earlier than I had planned :P

But I'm glad that you enjoyed this chapter. Thanks for this review, it was super helpful. I'll be sure to keep all your feedback in mind when writing the next chapter for this :D



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