Reading Reviews for The Age of Innocence
  
13 Reviews Found

Review #1, by AbraxanUnicorn Helga's Secret

28th February 2017:
Hey there, I thought I'd read a bit more of your work :) This chapter is a really good start to your story!

Author's Response: Thank you for coming by to take a look into this one! I hope you continue to enjoy it!

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Review #2, by Freakfan 1978 Begins

25th February 2017:
Finally! :) great chapter, i'm waiting for Sirius and Lily (guilty?) reactions ;)

Author's Response: Thank you for the review! :) A new one is coming up soon!

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Review #3, by TidalDragon September 1977

10th February 2017:
Howdy! I am stopping by to leave the review you requested here on Chapter 2!

Since I imagined you had a purpose to having me read Chapter 2 instead, I read this in isolation, having not read Chapter 1. First and foremost, I like that you have cultivated a clear personality for your MC so far. What I think is done very well is the fact that the personality permeates not just her own inner thought, but also how she is treated and interacted with (or NOT interacted with) by other students. It's so fundamental that we get to see the unity or division in a character's self-perception and how they're actually perceived by others and you accomplished that well.

You also did a good job using third person limited to still show the personalities of other characters. There was occasionally a bit of extra "telling" that happened here which could probably be cut, it was still a good feature which helped to establish the existing dynamics from early on in the story.

To your direct question about their believability, I think James, Lily, and Remus came across as true to canon. James and Lily obviously still have a fractious dynamic, which would make sense, particularly when she's agitated about his selection as Head Boy already as well. Remus as the observant peacemaker also makes sense. I don't know that he (or the MC) would realistically stick around for the argument between James and Lily (perhaps eavesdropping would make more sense), but you do have to work with the limitations of the 3PL so it's of course your choice.

As far as other matters go, I think the only other concerns are relatively minor (typos, a mistyped year for Remus).

The story seems to be off to a good start to me! Good luck with it going forward!

Author's Response: Thank you for your review!

You addressed all my concerns. The extra bit of "telling" is a weakness of mine, but one I intend on working on so I appreciate you pointing it out.

I am glad that James, Lily, and Remus were adequately canon. It's something I struggled with in future chapters. There's such a thin line between making them original and authentic and disrespecting their canon...

I'll go back and look for those typos! (The more I look the more I find lol)

Thank you for all your wonderful feedback once again!


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Review #4, by LSC Helga's Secret

30th January 2017:
Okay. You requested a review. An idea that follows the founders of Hogwarts is an interesting one. I like that you respected the idea of Mr. Potter's and I suppose it could be entirely plausible that he and Dumbledore could be friends, given that JKR flat-out said the Potters had a child at an older age; it is very rare, I think, that Dumbledore would have openly had so many close friends and openly been with them. So, for the moment, let's add Mr. Potter to that list. Dumbledore did, after all, borrow the Cloak, and it could be that Dumbledore did not borrow it from James. In fact, now that you mention it and I am thinking about it, that fits:) Well done.

The characterization of James is fine. So is Remus. There are times when the boys sound like they are boys and then flat-out adults. but again, this is fine. Oh, well, a tidbit on Remus here, if you'll allow me ...he sounds more like a parent here and not a young man? Even in his young thirties, when he took the DADA post, I think he sat on the sidelines. I think he admits that ... I know he admits that later on. He may have gone along with James more.

So, the problem here is the theory. And it's not so much a theory or a problem as an observation. Don't hate me. I don't see the boys interested in the History of Magic. Never mind that Bagshot happened to be a neighbor- that was a connection to Dumbledore and much less to James or Lily.

Maybe you can explain this to me? Why would Albus Dumbledore-Albus Dumbledore- entrust this to boys? Even if they were out of school, these boys still acted like boys. The War woke them up. Wouldn't the professor have had connections, brilliant minds that he would have conferred with in a council or something? I mean, and don't get me wrong here, the idea is interesting but, they're boys.

It sounds like the Marauders are being fit into a puzzle.

Also, Amelia Bones is middle aged by Book 5. The Marauders would've been in their mid-thirties. Middle age typically shoots for 45 to 65 . Just a thought.

Again, the idea behind this is interesting. We'll see where it goes. Prove me wrong. Well done. Thanks for the request.

LSC

Author's Response: First of all, I would like to thank you for giving such a detailed review. I think you went over some concerns that I hadn't exactly thought of but that have really opened up my eyes...

I sort of envisioned Dumbledore knowing Mr. Potter in the sense that two men who were influential and belonged to older wizarding families. However, I imagined Mr. Potter having great respect for Dumbledore (already a war hero) more so than I did Dumbledore considering him a closer friend. I don't think this was delivered too clearly.

I brought my characterizations of James and Remus from people I know around their age. I think that at the age, boys in particular are walking a thin line between adulthood and childhood. I believe that Remus did sit on sidelines, however, I think he was extremely grateful to Dumbledore, who offered him an opportunity at normalcy. In the books he mentions that he felt guilt for hiding the fact that fact that they were an an animagus from Dumbledore. So, while he was absolutely loyal to his friends, I think he still feel that he would have expected James to be respectful of Dumbledore (even while he allowed his friend to be a bully to others).

Again, I drew James comment about History of Magic from the teenagers I know. Whenever they are presented with an interesting fact, I hear comments like "why can't we learn about that in school?" "I wouldn't mind math projects so much if we did x, y, and z." In other words, they want to learn, but they want to learn about the things they are interested in.

Now as far as the theory goes. I think I have some answers, and I think I know where I want this to go. However, if I'm being completely honest with you, I don't have all the loose ends tightened (as you've probably noticed lol). But here it goes:

I really do believe that Dumbledore saw potential in people. I think he saw James and Remus not just for the boys they were that summer but for the roles he had envisioned them to play a year from then. Also, I think he was interested in allowing Amelia, a timid Hufflepuff, to interact with courageous Gryffindors her own age. In her case, Dumbledore was again thinking of the role she herself would later play in the role. At this point, they don't know about the prophecy so Dumbledore's still trying to move his pieces so that the war can end in foreseeable future.

I tried looking up Amelia Bones, but I never got a definite answer for her age so I took some liberty with her and created her to fit the story. I've always been fascinated by this woman who was fair to Harry without even knowing him and who neither pampered him nor judged him but simply offered him fairness. From those small snippets, I then created a fanfic that would allow her to play a bigger role. If it goes as plan, there'll be other times when I take similar liberties.

Anyways, those were the thoughts I was having. However, I do realize that they do need a lot of smoothing out to do! I am really grateful for your review. I thought it was very objective and eye-opening, and you'll probably see a request from me again just because I really I appreciate your honesty.


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Review #5, by Kelia New Year's Eve

27th January 2017:
Ok, it's really cruel to end like that. I really wanna know what Next!!

Author's Response: Thank you! I hope you enjoy the upcoming chapter! :)

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Review #6, by Ola A Change of Plans

23rd January 2017:
It's really Great, very interesting and fine to read :) and can't wait for more!

Author's Response: Thank you! Really means a lot :) I hope you enjoy the next chapter!

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Review #7, by May Sirius Black

22nd January 2017:
I like all the chapters but this one is my favourite so far so looking forward to next chapter

Author's Response: Thank you :) I really enjoyed writing it so I am glad you enjoyed reading it! I hope you like the new chapter as well. :)

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Review #8, by May Midnight Arrivals

22nd January 2017:
So enjoying your storyline looking forward to next chapter

Author's Response: I am glad you are enjoying! I have lots planned -- I hope you continue to enjoy!

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Review #9, by May Under the Red Rug

22nd January 2017:
I am so enjoying this story it's great

Author's Response: Thank you for review :)

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Review #10, by May September 1977

22nd January 2017:
Another great chapter James and Lily are brill in this

Author's Response: Thank you! I am glad you enjoy the pair!

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Review #11, by May Helga's Secret

22nd January 2017:
Great storyline looking forward to next chapter

Author's Response: Thank you :) I hope you enjoy it!

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Review #12, by Gergana Sirius Black

12th January 2017:
Great two chapters! What I enjoyed in Midnight arrivals was the interaction between Lilly and the boys. I like your take on Lilly,it's very real. she is this perfect perfect person in everything who is so perfect and strict that it's annoying but at the same time she's funny and sarcastic; and she's helping Sirius and she's being his friend, understands him and defence his behavior; and that's how a normal person is nothing is ever only black or white.
It's very nice to see Lilly being friends with the boys, and it's well written and believable, it's easy to see that they weren't friends from the start but they do grow up together and when darkness is coming they can trust each other.
I like the atmosphere of the story, they are still in school but the war is near and you can sense it.
About Sirius Black: I like those dark, mystirious and troubled characters. Sirius fate is quite tragic in the books, in your story, although it's in the begining, I can understand why he was so easily convicted.
I like the dynamic between Sirius and Melly, the pace is good. I'm not really fond of the idea of Sirius and Remus fighting for a girl, it's believable to grow apart because of a girl but this is war there're more important things than who will get the girl. But this is your story don't listen to me do whatever you feel it's right :)
Keep up the good work I can wait to see what's going to happen next.

Author's Response: I am really glad you're enjoying Lily. I wanted to stay loyal to her character and also make her believable -- so I am definitely happy you saw her this way! Her cannon character is this beautiful, kind, smart witch... I don't want to take that away from her, but I think there was also more to her than just the pretty redhead who played hard to get with the popular boys.

I am a huge Sirius Black fan, but I think he's also multi-complex. As far as the idea of Remus and Sirius fighting for a girl... I hope that will come to a believable end as well. We still have long ways to go, and it won't necessary be the focus of the story :) I hope you enjoy the next few chapters!


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Review #13, by Gergana Under the Red Rug

3rd January 2017:
Great story so far, I like your idea, I want to see where it goes. Amelia is an intresting character, it's going to be a difficult journey for her to become the person she's in the books(if you decide to keep her canon; still it will be intresting to see how it goes.
I have to say I adore James, he is the perfect amount of mischief and responsibility, just the way I picture him.
I really enjoyed this chapter. I like the relationship between the boys and Lilly, especially between Sirius and Lilly, I like how they kind of get along now, before James and Lilly start dating.
I want to see what your take on Peter will be, he has yet to make an appearance.
Keep up the good work :)

Author's Response: Thank you for your review! I am definitely interested in keeping Amelia as close to canon as possible. I think there are traces of an older Amelia Bones in her here too but she has a long way to go before she becomes the witch that dueled Voldermort himself.
I think James is often casted as all brawns no brains sort of guy. I personally think he must have been quite intelligent… I think his problem, if anything, was that everything came a little too easy to him. That’s what made him so charismatic and impossible at the same time.
Peter makes an appearance in the next chapter, but he also has ways to go before he becomes the Peter we know from the books. I want to depict not was we know him now but as James, Sirius, and Remus must have known him then. I hope that this shows through.
Again, thank you for your kind words and let me know what think of the next chapter :)


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