Reading Reviews for Present and Future
  
14 Reviews Found

Review #1, by SilverMoonFairy Chapter 2

5th February 2017:
BvBe-e-e-e- TAG! *salute*

This chapter was fraught with tension at what Teddy would do in retaliation. Your short sentences kept the tension high and kept the story moving and I sort of adore Vic's inner monologue, but wow, what a mouth on her! Or... An inner mouth... In her head. Yeah, let's go with that...

I do have a concern about WHY DOES SHE KNOW THE KILLING CURSE AND WHAT WILL BE THE REPRECUSSIONS OF HER REPEATEDLY USING IT?! I mean, sheesh! She's what, 15? 16? Still in school? KILLING SPIDERS WILLY NILLY?! WHAT IN THE ACTUAL- Okay, I'm calm now. But I am wondering about that, if the Ministry is about to be bearing down on her or something- it's call an Unforgivable Curse for a reason and she's under age, so she has the trace on her. I think personally, I would have used 'reducto' and then repaired the bathroom. Maybe 'immobulus' to stop them from moving...

I would also like to add- what a foul trick to play! She HURT herself. Her KNEES are BLEEDING. Teddy just got a bad taste in his mouth. And those poor gnomes...

Okay, okay. Wonderful chapter, looking forward to the next. One little technical before I go:

do thy know it's my bedroom?!
The 'thy' should be 'they.'

Toodles!
-Liz

Author's Response: Hi, thanks for the review :)

Excuse me for my huge plot hole in this chapter, I always seem to have one ^_^ I think Avada Kedavra is much more serious if it's used on a person, I don't remember JKR saying anything about it being used on animals. I'm imagining the rules to be somewhat like the Muggle world: you don't get sent to prison for murdering spiders (because, let's be honest, most of us have probably all killed a spider before). Yes, Victoire still has the Trace on her, but the Ministry is pretty rubbish at knowing WHO has done the magic in a house, which was proven in the books. So...yeah. That is my (not so convincing) excuse ;)

And I write all my stories on my phone with messed up autocorrect, so yeah, you might come across a few typos. But anyway! Once again, thank you for reviewing, I'm glad you liked the chapter :D


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Review #2, by Ashley Chapter 9

29th January 2017:
It turned out pretty good but now it s high time and u have been waiting for too long so please update the next chapter .

Author's Response: Sorry, I've been a bit busy lately. I actually have the chapter written but I reread it and realised it was...not good. But I've almost got it done so you can expect it to be out in a couple of days :)

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Review #3, by AbraxanUnicorn Chapter 1

24th January 2017:
Hello! Here with a BvB review :)

Firstly, I thought this chapter was a really lovely start to the story. It flows nicely and is easy to follow, drawing the reader in. The idea of Teddy and Victoire "hating" each other for a change is refreshing, and not a widely-used trope. It will be interesting to see how their journey progresses :)

I like the descriptions of the cousins and how they work in pairs; I thought that was really cute! You introduce us to quite a few characters in this chapter, but it doesn't get confusing; kudos for that!

There were a couple of grammatical errors, nothing major; "amounting up to" should be "amounting to", "half an hour" not "half and hour", and the sentence discussing Teddy jinxing and hexing Victoire has "him" instead of me (I think, unless I've read it incorrectly).

Over all, I thought it was a great first chapter! Thank you for an enjoyable read :)

Brax X

Author's Response: Hi! I'm glad you enjoyed the story so far :D

So yes, I know Teddy and Victoire hating each other isn't very common, so I thought it would be interesting to write that. I often see the Weasley/Potter children divided into groups, so I kind of divided the group to make it even smaller.

There will probably be a lot of grammar errors and typos because I write everything on my phone and autocorrect sometimes 'correct' things without me realising :P

But thank you for review, feel free to do so again ;)


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Review #4, by blackballet Chapter 1

21st January 2017:
Hello there! I’m here for B v B on the forums!

I really enjoyed this story, and it seems very original even though I haven't read many Teddy/Victoire stories. I really appreciated Victoire's characterization because it is very distinct. The audience will always be able to identify her. Congrats on creating such a strong character!

There were just a few things that stuck out to me. I find it a bit strange that she says “Oh yeah, I forgot to mention…” only because the reader has never before been addressed by Victoire. It might make more sense if you just said “Today is my birthday,” or something along those lines.
Also, every time you end dialogue with an exclamation point or question mark, there doesn’t need to be a comma afterwards as well. Just something small to refine your writing.

Other than that, I really enjoyed this as a first chapter!
Keep up the good work,

blackballet

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you for the review, I'm glad you enjoyed the story so far :) To be honest, I had no idea I was turning Victoire into such a strong character but I'm fine with what I've created ;) As for my punctuation, I guess I still have a lot to learn :P Thanks for pointing it out though, I'll make sure not to add comas after question marks in the future

Once again, thank you for reviewing! :)


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Review #5, by Mia Chapter 8

16th January 2017:
You write really well . I am waiting to read the next chapter.

Author's Response: Aw thank you! I just updated the story and the chapter is out now :)

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Review #6, by Mea Chapter 8

14th January 2017:
I am waiting for the next chapter

Author's Response: I have the next chapter written and it should be coming soon ;)

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Review #7, by SilverMoonFairy Chapter 1

13th January 2017:
Hello! We've never met before, but I'm Liz and I'm here with a BvB tag review for you! *salute*

So, I like this so far. Victoire is a lot more juvenile than I've read her before which I find to be pretty spot on for most seventeen year olds and I like that she and Teddy don't automatically like each other- it's new and different.

I like how you try to include everyone (as in all the cousins, all the aunts and uncles, all the freaking good friends of the family- the cast of this universe grew like ten fold with the next gen) and the little cliques that exist inside the family. And interesting that everyone knows about the cloak. I always assumed it to be a better kept secret because of it's valuableness.

I've never really read a story with Molly as a prominent character so I'm suddenly stupidly excited for this. I've been trying to come up with a story line for Molly in my own canon.

Vic's inner monologue is entertaining to say the least, especially when she was waiting for Teddy to drink his juice. If I were Teddy, I would have made no reaction out of spite, lol!

I do have a few notes- I normally do technicals at the end (typos, wrong punctuation, ect.,) but I didn't find any, so here are a couple notes:

While you don't have to write the accent (and it's suggested by a lot of sources that you don't) you should mention Fleur's French accent to remind the reader that she has one.

The other thing is that I'm a little confused as to when you're having Victoire's birthday- according to canon, it's May 2nd which is not during the summer holidays as those start June 1st. So, not that going against canon is a bad thing, I'm just looking for a time frame to put this in.

I think that's about it! I hope you tag you again so I can see where this goes!

-Liz

Author's Response: Hi Liz!

I'm glad you like the story so far! I've read many fanfics where Victoire simply has a crush on Teddy then ends up with him, so I thought I would try something different. I thought it would be fun for all the next gen kids to be in close pairs, and Percy is the closest in age to Bill (apart from Charlie, who doesn't have kids) so I gathered Victoire and Molly should be around the same age.

I do keep in mind the fact that Fleur has a French accent, and I think it's mentioned somewhere in the next few chapters. As for Victoire'a birthday, I had no idea it was in May, so I'll just keep it as June for the time being :D

Thank you for such a wonderfully long review! :D


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Review #8, by Emiliy Chapter 7

7th January 2017:
This is a great story. I hope you will post the next chapter soon :)

Author's Response: I'm glad you like it! I'll be updating very soon. Thanks for the review :)

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Review #9, by Nora Chapter 7

4th January 2017:
The story so far is good. I am looking forward to read the next chapter.

Author's Response: Aw thanks, I'm glad you like it! I will definitely be posting the next chapter soon.

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Review #10, by Emile Chapter 7

4th January 2017:
I am waiting for the next chapter

Author's Response: Next chapter will be coming very soon, I promise! Thanks for reviewing :)

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Review #11, by Strawberries202 Chapter 5

1st January 2017:
This is something different, but I like it. In most stories, a lot of people just have Victoire and Teddy be best friends, and then fall in love. So this is a nice change.

Anyway, I look forward to how things go!

-MK

Author's Response: Thanks so much, I'm glad you like it!

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Review #12, by Hdenizz Chapter 4

28th November 2016:
Different topic. I really liked it and cant wait to read more. When can you update?

Author's Response: I will update soon but I'm kind of busy at the moment. If you go to FF net (sorry, I'm not allowed links) my pen name is the same and the story is at chapter 6, I think. Thanks for reviewing I'm glad you like the story :)

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Review #13, by May Chapter 1

23rd November 2016:
Great storyline looking forward to reading the next chapter

Author's Response: Aw thanks so much! I'm glad you like it! :)

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Review #14, by duy Chapter 2

4th November 2016:
Like the idea of trying something different with the Teddy/Vic dynamic. My only piece of constructive criticism would be to consider not having Vic throw around killing curses to try and kill spiders as it seems a bit extreme and over the top with how unforgivable curses are portrayed in the books. I think wizards/witches probably have a better way to deal with pests :)

Author's Response: Yes, I think it might have been a bit extreme but I was trying to find a way to portray her fear of spiders and I like to think it's what she would do if she was in a panic mode. Thanks for reviewing! :)

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