Reading Reviews for Survival of the Fittest
  
28 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Flower n Prongs Shadows Aren't Permanent

5th March 2017:
You covered a lot of ground here, but you were able to bounce between things nicely. Separating the sadder things, like what happened to poor 11-year-old (!!) Nora with nicer things like Riya talking about her family was a smart idea. Even the little things, like setting the traps for the poor little foxes (I know, I know - I sound like Lily!) and Riya's dad rescuing Nessie were nice touches.

I'm happy for Theo that he has a crush on Lily. Between what has happened with his sister and being separated from his parents, he has had a very rough go. Knowing why both of them do not have their parents around also helps me to understand the bond that they share. Of course they will rely more on each other despite their differences, they are all they have left at this time. I hope that they will both be reunited with their loved ones and maybe even develop relationships (maybe with Lily and Albus respectively), but it is nice to know that they have each other for now.

One thing I haven't commented on yet but is becoming more clear to me with each chapter is how you are inverting the gender norms with them. Riya seems to be the one who is more tough, getting meat for them and watching their backs suspiciously while Theo is trying to bond with people, quieter, and the like. It is a nice change of pace and helps to keep them feeling unique from other OCs.

Good luck with the Nargles! :)

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Review #2, by Flower n Prongs Tell me that isn't Harry Potter

5th March 2017:
I enjoyed seeing some of the backstory in here. Knowing how Riya and Theodore have been burned in the past and how Nora was taken helps to understand their characters. Of course after this they would be more suspicious of others, even people whom they may have otherwise trusted. I do think it is interesting that Theo is more trusting than Riya even though his sister is taken. I suppose it is fitting though, since he is a Hufflepuff.

The descriptions of Harry as aging were sad, but true. Of course he would be older, probably less physically fit than we are used to, and would have a different personality. He is a dad of three who prioritizes them, not a rage-filled hormonal teenager any longer. The protectiveness was just an extention of what we have seen from him before.

I like how you got into why the Fidelius Charm was done on a tent rather than a house. It was something I hadn't considered, but you covered that base anyway which is impressive. The reasoning behind it is very sad though. Is it a friend we know? Names from the Potter books? Either way, it helps to bring the danger home even more.

- R

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Review #3, by Flower n Prongs We're being followed

5th March 2017:
Continuing on for chapter 2. :)



I love this line: "With little more than a possibly broken compass, a backpack full of scavenged supplies, and two scrappy 17 year olds, we’d make it for sure." The sarcasm just makes me like her as a character. The fact that there is potentially even a hint of fear that are in that line are very fitting for the kind of dystopian society the wizarding world is in at the moment.



I like how you pulled in some Harry Potter history and some real history into this chapter. Sadly, the future you've proposed here is not far flung from many things people have done to each other in the past. I don't doubt if goblins were around we'd do it to them too.



The instincts of humanity and being caring that they still have versus the instincts that they may need to survive in opposition is interesting here. We see one win out when they mention burying a teenager without looking through her supplies, but the other when it comes to stealing the machete. And, of course, the challenging of James Potter II and the demands being placed on him at the end fall into the latter, even if she does not really intend to harm him (though I suppose that brings us back around to the first point.)



One note: there are a few weird formatting issues (r32;r32;) in this chapter and the last one on HPFT.



And yay for seeing Harry soon! I'm sure he will have plenty to say about what is happening in the wizarding world. Poor guy, thinking he has gotten them some peace and this happening ~25 years later.

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Review #4, by Flower n Prongs Is this the end of the world?

5th March 2017:
Hi Paula! I haven't read this one yet and it was nominated for a Nargle so I just had to head over to see what it was all about.



I have to admit, I have not read a ton of Next Generation. I found a lot of it repetitive and it took me a long time to accept all the stuff that happened at the end of DH, so I still tend to prefer writing other eras. BUT this is nothing like anything I have ever read before. A Goblin Rebellion going through Britain? A Goblin Registry Act to try to keep them "in line" and "put them in their place"? This all sounds like a supremely bad idea for a country that just had a war about blood purity, but I can totally see how it would happen. We humans are good at messing things up.



I like how the two characters we have met so far are unique and seem to have met by happenstance rather than out of lifelong friendship. I love inter-house relationships and friendships, so a Hufflepuff and a Slytherin making their way together is very interesting. The fact that she is a person of colour and that goblins will clearly be playing a big role in this is exciting too.



For a first chapter, this did a very good job at piquing my interest. I am curious to see what happens next, meeting some canon characters, and finding out how the story progresses. I will definitely continue on to the next chapter.



- Rhaenyra :)

(PS: I love the CI here! You're so talented!)

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Review #5, by Dirigible_Plums Three is the loneliest number

27th January 2017:
You may not realise it but I am screaming.

Also laughing because Riya's internally plotting how to make Al cry while making out like she's somewhat interested in him 😂 God, I love this girl. What a star.

You know, I love how Al was a Slytherin and he dismisses his father as having a hero's complex - but he's literally going to storm the Ministry with someone he's only known for a few days to save someone he's never met before. Like. I wonder where he gets it from.

Ah, James. He's the true sweet summer child. Where Al doesn't trust Riya (or claims he doesn't), James isn't like that at all. He's so nice. Even if he does smack his own butt like in the other chapter...

Okay, one thing I love is how you manage to keep the lighthearted up alongside the darker aspects of this fic. Like the scene at the start of last chapter where Theo comforts Riya during the thunderstorm? Dark. Hearing that they've been declared missing presumed to be dead alongside his sister? Dark. Al taking after his father and not realising Riya was 'flirting' with him? Light. My baby Harry being dense like always? V. light. I burst out laughing.

"They're at the bottom."

Honestly.

Loving this fic, by the way!

Plums xo
♡♡♡

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Review #6, by Dirigible_Plums It's too early for a love triangle

27th January 2017:
Jesus, Paula.

I was going to start this review absolutely gushing about the scene between Riya and Al. I mean, they were flirting. FLIRTING. To think that two people so moody could find some normalcy in each other - to think that Riya would let her guard down and actually fall asleep in his bed. I mean, sleep's an intimate thing, you know? I'm so proud of my sweet... well, "summer child" seems a bit too naive for her, so let's stick with something else? Survivor? Cold-hearted witch (out of necessity)?

I love the fact that Al's a Healer. It really brings out a contrast between him and Riya. I mean, Riya and Theo are different in the sense that she's become quite cynical while her best friend still has some sort of grasp on hope and innocence. Al, meanwhile, seems grittier than that but being a Healer surely doesn't mix well with war, even if you are a combat Healer.

Speaking of the Al/Riya/Theo mess... Oh. My. Gosh. Al was right: that was awkward. When Theo called her that, I was in shock. Theo! Waking up to find your best friend in someone else's bed does not warrant that at all! Even if you do have a crush on her. But I was glad that they sort of made up about it, him accepting that it just wasn't going to happen and that they had bigger fish to fry.

Speaking of which (again), that goblin scene was freaky! I don't know how they managed to stay still for so long but I would never have lasted in their positions. Gosh, I never considered how much of a threat goblins could be if they decided to change the world order.

Lovely chapter as always,

Plums xo
♡♡♡

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Review #7, by whatsthetimemrwolf Three is the loneliest number

26th January 2017:
I REALLY hope their plan works!

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Review #8, by AbraxanUnicorn A woman with a plan

16th January 2017:
Poor lonely giant squid, carrying out his mating ritual, and no lady squid to give him her number :(

Yikes, Riya - are you sure you want to go to the Ministry? What if Nora's not there?!?

Looking forward to the next update. Much love for this story!

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Review #9, by whatsthetimemrwolf A woman with a plan

15th January 2017:
I was wondering what they were going to do about Nora!!. I really hope she's okay, and that Riya's plan works, but that might just be wishful thinking.

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Review #10, by AbraxanUnicorn James keeps his spirits up

15th January 2017:
Seriously, James? 'Dat @ss'?! 'We could have been magical'?! Hehehe. I'm amazed Riya left him in one piece after coming out with that.

I love the little cliché digs in this chapter :) And I did not know that apple sauce can be used as an egg substitute in cookies. I learn something new every day. See? Not a filler chapter at all, but a useful learning exercise for a reader :)

Loving this fic X

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Review #11, by AbraxanUnicorn It's too early for a love triangle

9th January 2017:
How has my radar missed this story until now?! I love a good yarn with an Indian protagonist. Somehow, there is a real dearth in fiction of central characters who aren't white Caucasian.

The concept is very original; I can't think of any other goblin rebellion stories that I've encountered. I'm guessing that this is set in the Scottish highlands? Makes me curious as to how they are going to get to Greenland without magic; wouldn't Norway via The Orkneys and Shetland Isles be more feasible?

I like Riya's fire in this chapter, and the interactions between her and Al. How Al reads her body language when the goblins arrive, and recognises her need to be occupied by giving her a piece of wood to whittle.

Really enjoyed the story so far. Looking forward to the next chapter :)

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Review #12, by whatsthetimemrwolf It's too early for a love triangle

9th January 2017:
Not going to lie, I was totally cheering on Riya when Theo called her a sl*g. I would've ripped him a new one too! I really liked the moments with her and Albus in this chapter, too. They have a great dynamic together. They're both pretty intense in their own ways, but I think Albus is helping Riya to be less serious in moments where she doesn't have to be.

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Review #13, by putitonpaper Is this the end of the world?

25th December 2016:
Wow. What a concept! I'm obviously a fan of your writing because I'm reviewing again within 30 minutes! This was suspenseful, heartbreaking, and just all around lovely. I really hope Riya makes it to the end of your story.

You really gave me chills on this one!! I never really thought about how evil or nice the Goblins would be. I wonder - do you explore their relationship with other magical creatures like house elves? Would love to know if there's a hierarchy or if they are really going after everyone.

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Review #14, by marauderfan Shadows Aren't Permanent

25th October 2016:
Team Werewolf Review for HPFT

Hi! It's about time I got back to this story. I've missed it.

Ooh, I love the description of being followed as "My shadow felt heavy" - that's such a creative description and also feels very appropriate. That's totally what being followed feels like.

I loved learning a little more about Riya here, about her parents, about her desire to become a scientist (A+ decision), and just... seeing her let down her guard for a moment. After a long time of just trying to survive in the woods while being hunted, it makes sense that she's almost a little uneasy being so safe. She's still expecting something to jump out at her or for the Potters to try to attack her at any minute. And that's a good survival instinct, but seeing her actually open up a little is great. And I love that Theo feels safe there - he's been through so much and he deserves to be able to sleep like a log for once.

Also I must say that the anecdotes of Riya and Albus at Hogwarts together were hilarious. I love that James appears to have forgiven Riya about the knife, as well. They're actually having fun chatting together. Things are looking up, and it's nice.

Please tell me you're going to continue writing this story? I love it and I want more!

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Review #15, by marauderfan Tell me that isn't Harry Potter

30th August 2016:
Your reviewing spree on my stories has made me decide to attack your page with love and reviews.

Bahahaha, her description of what she imagines Harry will look like! Golden eagles perching on him XD Omg, I saw this amazing nature video once where golden eagles were literally picking up mountain goats and carrying them over valleys, it was so epic and impressive. /tangent

I feel like I could fill up a whole review just quoting the great things that Riya thinks/says. Such as this: I thrive in madness! I’m the queen of chaos!
Or this: Okay, but Voldemort was pure evil. I'm pure awesome - hahaha

The Potters really are doing this in style! The fancy tents that are more plush than how I live in RL haha.

he was suspiciously nerdy for a Hufflepuff. -- I have never related to Theo as much as I do in this moment. Now I think he is my spirit animal.

Also, thank goodness for Theo. I think he's the only reason the Potters are civil toward Riya at all, as he's trying to be friendly and offer to help. At least Riya helps with the dishes, which is definitely something.

I was curious about who he knew that was now dead, but it would be rude to ask. -- I'm curious as well, but I also don't want to know because then I'm gonna be sad. :(

Bahaha and Riya wins again with that last line. I really love her as a character. Same with Theo. I love them as individuals and how they balance each other out. The Potters seem very cranky and annoyed thus far, but I really can't blame them. :P I'm excited to see how things develop now that they're forcing the Potters to provide hospitality to them.

Eee, this story is so good. ♥

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Review #16, by Dirigible_Plums Shadows Aren't Permanent

24th August 2016:
Okay so I can't say much because I have guests over and I want to do this before I forget to.

THOUGHTS:

- I am already liking the lil tension between Al and Riya.
- Speaking of Al, WHAT IS THIS PARTICULARLY NASTY RUMOUR
- Also I like how you're portraying him. I can't quite put my finger on the word to describe him, but just know that you're doing a good job.
- Speaking of characterisation, Riya??? EXCELLENT. I love how you've clearly taken the opportunity to research into her background thoroughly and flesh it out. The touch about religion and her grandparents was a really nice one.
- Also her dad sounds like a sweetheart.
- I feel SO SORRY for Theo. His sister! She was only eleven! 😢
- I like the blooming friendship between James and Riya a lot. Quite sweet considering she had a machete to his throat.

Overall this was a great chapter and I can't wait for more!

Plums xo

Author's Response: I live for your reviews!

I imagine this particularly nasty rumor will be popping up at some point and may involve alcohol, minor nudity, and perhaps the forbidden forest!

Al is even undefinable for me. My character note for him is literally "???" so it's solid.

Riya's background is so important to me because I think there's a major lack of representation of South Asian characters and the ones that do exist (the only one I've read) has a meek female character. It's completely unacceptable to me so I want her to defy that.

Her dad


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Review #17, by Dirigible_Plums Tell me that isn't Harry Potter

24th August 2016:
Oh my god, Paula, I loved this chapter! The start of it had me cracking up from Harry's... impressive introduction to Riya's " I thrive in madness! I’m the queen of chaos!" It's such a contrast from the grim situation and I loved it to bits.

Ooh there's a bit of an age difference between Al and Riya. I like ;)

I've mentioned it before and I'll mention it again: I love the bestfriendship of Riya and Theo. He's such a sweetheart and Riya's lowkey in the background ready to murder anyone who dares touch a hair on his head. HOW PURE. Seriously they're just so good to each other and for each other. She's there to save him from anyone who might take advantage of him and he keeps her from becoming *too* ruthless. Love it.

Also I am v. interested in Al.

(He was a Slytherin!)

Very curious and mysterious character. Just the way I like it. :P

Plums xo

Author's Response: Well, Harry can't really be all that cool at this point in life! He wasn't even cool during his glory days.

They really complement each other. She keeps him safe, but I think especially later on, she keeps him grounded. He's just a little too trusting.

I'm also very interested in Al ;) I think Riya might be too!

Thank you so much (again) for such lovely reviews! They are so awesome!


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Review #18, by Dirigible_Plums We're being followed

24th August 2016:
OKAY, CHAPTER TWO.

Alright, so I had a feeling all along that the eyes they could feel belonged to one of the Potter boys. I kept thinking it was James and then I remembered that it said "Albus/OC", but I was right 😏 Poor James. He really isn't cut out for this.

Speaking of that part, Riya is ruthless with a capital R! I can see why she's a Slytherin now - it's nothing bad, but you can tell that she is determined to survive and will do what it takes. Girl has guts, too.

The 'old' Riya?? Hmm... I am intrigued...

Oh my God, Al's been introduced! He's not impressed (understandably) but he's here. Whoo!

Plums xo

Author's Response: James totally isn't cut out for this! He's just too soft and gentle for this world but in a different way than Theo is.

I prefer Riya to be more in protector mode because it dispels this idea of women hiding behind men for protection in times of danger. It's literally the opposite (poor Theo). I don't think there's any doubt she's Slytherin to the core!

YAY! Al exists! :D

Thank you for the reviews (have I mentioned that yet?)!


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Review #19, by Dirigible_Plums Is this the end of the world?

24th August 2016:
Hello me love!

Alright so your idea sounded so interesting, I just had to come and check out this fic. Goblins aren't really creatures I paid attention to while reading the series (excepting that little traitor, Griphook), relegating them to all things Gringrotts-related. I'd forgotten that there have been so many wars between them and wizards in the past so it's really not that out of the blue that there would be something happening now.

That being said, I didn't expect them to be so sinister. The fact that magic is completely off-limits if you wanted to stay alive and that they're completely okay with destroying Muggles to hunt down wizards - freaking hell. I don't blame Riya for being terrified! I like how the atmosphere is reminiscent of the last year under Voldemort's reign: no one can trust each other, everyone is slumming it and the general fear that is ruling everyone's day-to-day lives.

Riya is an interesting main character already. I love the fact that her best friend is a Hufflepuff while she's a Slytherin! Their friendship is already pretty cute.

(Also, I would sooo be Theo in this situation. Like I'd need a Riya or else I'd die.)

Definitely reading on!

Plums xo

Author's Response: Hello! :D

Goblins are pretty easy to overlook since we barely saw them outside of Gringotts!

The entire story came together because I was browsing the lexicon and read a line talking about how goblins were notoriously blood thirsty and incredibly cruel. My imagination got away from me a bit.

The first thing I thought of in DH is that Harry could just hide among the muggles with a headband (cue AVPM thoughts) and work on the horcruxes. With that in mind, I knew I had to get rid of that option.

I always believed that Slytherpuff friendships had to be the most solid ones.

TBH I'd need a Riya too.

Thank you so much for the reviews! They mean the world to me!


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Review #20, by pointless_proclamations Tell me that isn't Harry Potter

23rd August 2016:
'The kind of man that golden eagles would perch on to signify worthiness.' These kinds of lines is what makes your style of writing so distinctive, so recognisable. 100% Brilliant. I love how Theo claps Harry on the shoulder before remembering himself. This whole scene here is a riveting mix of humour and adventure and tensity and you control it all so well.

“I'm literally famous for killing.” HARRY. What in the world? XD Sassy pants.

'We'd have had more time to train her on how to control her magic.' makes me wonder exactly how old Nora was when she was taken? How long ago? How long has this been going on? So many questions which just motivate me more and more to continue reading on which I will because this is beyond wonderful.

Albus and Riya sure do like looking at each other. . . I wonder what that's about.

Author's Response: Hi Em!

I'm so glad that you liked that line. I've been told in other reviews that my Harry is less than favorable.

Theo is too soft for this world. He doesn't realize that in times like these we have boundaries. I think it also reminded Harry (and Ginny) that these are just kids. Stupid kids trying to make it.

That line killed me because it's trivializing something that Harry dreaded/anticipated for years. But it was totally necessary and Sassy Harry gives me life!

Oh, the tales of Nora Pinkerton. She's one of my favorite characters to set up a background for.

I wonder the same thing. *cue eyebrow wiggles*

Thank you so much for taking the time to leave me such wonderful reviews!


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Review #21, by pointless_proclamations We're being followed

23rd August 2016:
RIYA!! 'clammy palm before I grabbed it, but that was just being nitpicky' she's everything. Usually, it is said that these details are not noticed during times of crises, but I mean CLAMMY PALMS. The old Riya? This gives me the impression that they weren't always friends or she used to be a bit meaner and then they were friends or something like that. Anyway, complex background story that forces me to read on to find out what in Merlin's overused Y-fronts it is, exactly.

WHY are you making such likeable characters go through such horrible things? Having to bury a young girl with admirable moral convictions? Missing sister who is maybe dead, but maybe not, but maybe yes? And the ones chasing them are 'full of unrestricted magic?' Firstly, noted. Secondly, blerghh.

'“People are always looking for someone to hate.” I agreed. We had both been very opposed to the anti-goblin and “lesser being” rhetoric we had to listen to from less open minded students back at Hogwarts.' 100% the right mentality. Their ability to see the overall picture from both sides is what makes them commendable characters. I have so much respect for this. The following list Theodore makes is spot on. What a way for you to tackle the complex phenomenon of the global-scale epidemic known as 'bigotry' in its most violent forms.

'If the entire world would just take a few measures to not be a**holes the world would be such a better place.' RIGHT. OH MY GOODNESS THIS IS SO QUOTABLE.

AND AM I WITNESSING THE BEGINNINGS OF A RIYA/ALBUS. A. . . Ribus? Alya? Rius? Riylbus?

REGARDLESS. IS THAT WHAT THIS IS?

Author's Response: Hi Em!

Riya was quite different back in the day and that's all I'll say so far! ;D

Characters like to suffer. They practically write themselves! It's not my fault!

I think the ability to recognize that both sides are both at fault and innocent will make a difference in how the story will play out. The silver rule is one that everyone should learn! It would seriously make life so much easier.

I HAVEN'T EVEN THOUGHT OF A COUPLE NAME! Those are my favorite! I love Ribus! That might be what it is ;)

Seriously, thank you so much for taking the time to read this and leave a review! You're marvelous!


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Review #22, by pointless_proclamations Is this the end of the world?

23rd August 2016:
PAULA!

Instant connection to the story at this: 'but at 17, who really even knows what love is?' When I was 17, honestly, I couldn't understand my peers and their raving about their boy/girlfriends. It was absolutely fascinating to observe. . . from a distance. That sounds creepy, but I'm not super social, what else is there to do? Talk to them? Me? Nope.

So even in these dark, dark times—I mean holy balls, it's dark—your character's mental narrative manages to find humour: 'I keep telling him to go by Theo because Theo is the kind of name that elicits mental images of handsome, dangerous men with chiseled jaw lines, but he insists on Theodore' AND here 'Sarcasm could strip down to its knickers and smack Theo in the face and he’d still have no idea.' Again, I connect with her even more. Humour can come naturally in the oddest of times, but I suppose that's one way to deal with all the darkness for Riya. Was The Goblin Registry Act a thing made for or by the goblins? Was it what led to the retaliation or what led to Riya and Theodore having to start running away. It seems I've caught myself in a story about political quagmire's and I'm loving every word of it thus far.

Look at you, advocating for proper nutrition, too! 'vitamin C would help us keep a robust immune system.' Brilliant.

PAULA. 'Mum, naturally, loved him for it.' SOUNDS 100% LIKE MY OWN MOTHER AND MY GRANDMOTHER AND. . . ♥

Humour aside. Holy cow. What is even going on right now? Wizards and witches are being randomly taken away. Is it randomly? When the use magic? One of those people were Theodore's sister? Are they on the run from goblins? On one hand, it really is a right shame that goblins have been oppressed all this time, but then turning the tables. This leads to mixed feelings and provides an added element of complexity to the political situation the magical world has found itself in.

'My machete was packed away' . . . SHE NEEDS A MACHETE. Well, *. Wow. OK. This is a very, very dangerous time to be these two right now.

So the general perception held by wizards and witches of goblins is that goblins are monsters and the general perception held by goblins of humans (magical and otherwise) is that they're monsters. A+. Well, this is one way to start an interspecies conflict. Is this meant to mirror Germany post WWI? SO MUCH POLITICAL IMBALANCE caused by the societal perception of inequality. To degrade a member of any intelligent species as 'lesser' is an [expletive] bad idea to put it mildly.

'Theo pretended to sleep and I kept watch. Then I pretended to sleep and he kept watch. The world was going to hell and we couldn't even be well rested for it.' What. WHY? WHAT IS ALL THIS MADNESS THAT I HAVE FOUND MYSELF IN?

NO, let me answer that question for me, it's the genius that is you.

Author's Response: Em!

At 17 I was in a relationship with an awful boy who I genuinely thought I might marry. Thankfully he cheated on me and I got out of that situation (and have helped his other exes move on). Teenagers are terrifying creatures anyway. Throw them in a specimen jar and forget 'em!

I definitely think for Riya humor is a coping mechanism. She uses it throughout the story at really inappropriate times and it just provides her some instant relief (despite the awkwardness that ensues). The GRA was by wizards for the goblins. POLITICS FOR DAYS!

I actually drank pine needle tea while camping and it's a thing that I knew I had to torture my characters with. It's so my mother! I swear she loves my husband solely for the fact that he asks for her to make specific foods when we go home and insists on staying in instead of eating out.

I think those that are oppressed often feel the need to turn the tables and I think it's seen as justice rather than a problem. How you view a coup must rely on your own world views I suppose.

I think somewhere in a posted chapter I explain that she took the machete from other campers pretending to be muggles. I think (but can't remember) that it's implied it was a machete to cut through heavy brush. I think Riya likes the reaction she gets when she has it too. A little bit of that Slytherin penchant for power.

It is 100% supposed to mirror Germany during WWI.

I hope you enjoy the rest of the story, you magnificent being! Thank you for the reviews!


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Review #23, by marauderfan We're being followed

21st August 2016:
Gift tag! I couldn't resist coming back!

If the entire world would just take a few measures to not be [non 12+] the world would be such a better place. -- PREACH. but like actually this is SO TRUE, and so simple!

Wow, the little snippets of back story here about the characters - that's heartbreaking about Theo's sister. And even more than events, you're so good at showing rather than telling what his and Riya's relationship is like, how she can read him so easily, and they can predict each other's actions.

I love the background on the goblins. So much. What I appreciate most is that you make the 'villains' understandable - yes, they're taking over and have created the mess that all of Britain's wizards currently find themselves in, but they were being used as a scapegoat by the wizarding community and blamed for wizards' problems and they're fighting back. I love that the 'enemy' is complicated here, and that even though I worry for the protagonists of the story, I can sympathise with the goblins as well.

But what do they do with the taken people? Hostages? Or killed? eek

What are Harry and his family doing there? And given Riya's paranoia about him being there, I can't help but wonder whose side the Potters are on... otherwise wouldn't she be happier to see other people? things are about to get very interesting. things were already interesting, but this is a whole new level of interesting.

Great chapter once again!

Author's Response: Hi! :D

It's so easy! Why can't people just try!

I'm so glad you say that because I usually struggle with telling instead of showing so I had to keep going back and editing it in to make it sound more natural.

Understandable villains are my favorite villains because a little part of me is kinda cheering on the goblins as they go be completely savage.

That is the question of the hour! It will be exposed though!

The Potters are all kinds of complicated during this war. And the Weasleys. Hermione has always been on the side of intelligent creatures, y'know!

Thank you so much for such a lovely review!


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Review #24, by marauderfan Is this the end of the world?

21st August 2016:
Hi Paula! This is for Gift Tag ♥

Theo is the kind of name that elicits mental images of handsome, dangerous men with chiseled jaw lines, -- one paragraph into the story and I already love your narrator.

Also woah. I really love the way you're establishing the setting. It's not heavy handed, just a phrase here or there that hints of the unpleasant, sort of dystopian atmosphere, but like, it's not described as anything extraordinary because the characters are used to this setting, so it's normal for them. I really like the way you did that.

side note, but the biologist in me is freaking out - did they just leave that fire there when they ran?! they're going to start a forest fire!

...is she planning to run to Greenland? or does she miraculously have a seaworthy vessel waiting for her at some port?...

Haha, Theo's survival instincts. Something tells me he wouldn't last a day without Riya. I love his historical anecdotes about the countryside they're passing through, but... seriously they're being pursued through the forest and he decides to talk about King Arthur XD

I only laughed a little before helping him because I’m an excellent friend. -- another reason I love Riya. Sleeping in a tree though - better hope for some thick strong branches otherwise that's bound to be so uncomfortable. And terrifying. Like a bunk bed that's narrower than your body and 50 feet off the ground. O__O

How long have they been travelling like this? What's the back story on the goblins? Man I have SO many questions and I just want to read this whole story right now, I really love this first chapter. You did an amazing job setting the scene and all the accompanying tone of the story, all the fear and exhaustion and how it's a struggle to survive, and against that backdrop you have already created two vibrant characters and I love them already! I love their friendship and how they work together and I think they're especially going to need each other for encouragement. I can't imagine them doing what they're doing alone. Are they going to run into other refugees? Where are their families? And last but not least how are they going to get to Greenland (and why)? This is such an effective first chapter at introducing the story and conflict and making me want to read more ASAP.

My only cc would be that I think you can divide your first paragraph into two, separating after the question who really even knows what love is?, because those are both kind of abstract thoughts and then after that with the tea kettle it settles into events, and there's kind of a shift there.

Anyway, that's a small thing, and overall I really love what you've written of this so far. I'm so glad I posted after you in gift tag, this story is fantastic!

Author's Response: Hi! :D

I'm so glad you mentioned the fire because I genuinely thought the exact same thing but my husband and I argued it over and if you have to run you'll probably risk a fire! And Riya eventually wants to be a biologist! She should know better! Only you can stop forest fires!

Riya came from a family with finances so she's packed with some muggle and magical money that she fully intends to have converted!

Sweet baby Theo would be very lost without Riya. He's just a bit soft for this kind of world!

I'm so glad that this chapter conjured up all of these questions for you! That makes me so happy!

Thank you so much for such a wonderful, thoughtful review!


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Review #25, by Potterhead1994 Tell me that isn't Harry Potter

17th August 2016:
I love the idea for the story. Definitely original. However; I really really don't like how you've portrayed Harry. It'd be fine if he was just chubby with bushy brows, but his attitude is awful. Oh well. I do like what you're doing so far. Keep it up!

Author's Response: Hi there!

Give him another chapter for character development and I don't think you'll hate his attitude quite as much! ;D He's meant to be off-putting immediately but I really think he'll grow on you (and he definitely improves toward Riya and Theo).

Thank you so much for this lovely review! There's nothing I love more than feedback! I hope this story keeps you on your toes!


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