24 Reviews Found

Review #1, by marauderfan IX.

4th January 2017:
Okay, I'm back!

Sooo I take it Albus found out. Ah, yes, there's the destruction of things and even some flames as a bonus. Oh my.

I don't remember if you mentioned this before but wow Neville is the headmaster and I kind of love that idea. Especially the fact that he's filled the office with potted plants. And that when Albus is in trouble he won't let them call him Uncle Neville because he needs them to know that this is serious. Although still... no detention. (Neville, that is called playing favourites.) Also I still need to have a talk with both Scorpius and Lily and ask them why on earth they made such bad life decisions.

TJ is being a pretty bad friend here. Although I guess it's not really his fault - Lyra did have the worst possible timing to want to have an actual discussion :P For real, Lyra? She couldn't wait to vent until he was actually there to listen to her? *headdesk*

Yep, that does sound like a bad day. Hopefully things get better. Pls yell at Scorpius for me, thanks.

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Review #2, by marauderfan VIII.

3rd January 2017:
The new lockers sound about 1000x better than the one I had in high school. Undetectable extension charm too! That's awesome.

For all TJ and Ben said earlier about staying in the closet, they sure aren't very good at it, haha. Maybe they both do want to come out.

I kind of love that Lyra calls Hogwarts 'Hoggy'. It sounds silly, but honestly there's something very realistic about that. Everyone at my high school called the school by a silly nickname too (which sounded totally normal to me because I was used to it, but probably sounded weird to anyone from another school who heard it) so the nickname Hoggy is such a neat, weird detail that I never would have thought of myself but it really works.

Poor Lyra. It's hard to do well in classes you don't even like. :-/

Okay but what about Albus and Scorpius? That was a big piece of news you just dropped in that last chapter and I want to know if they are okay! Did Scorpius tell Albus? Helllp I need to know. And this is the last chapter up for now so I hope you update soon!

I've had a lot of fun reading this today, and I'm so glad we were paired in the review exchange! Great story! Again, I'm really sorry it took so long for me to do it. Hope you had a good holidays. ♥

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Review #3, by marauderfan VII.

3rd January 2017:
FYI I did end up having breakfast food for dinner. I made an omelette.

Back to the story.

The beginning of the chapter with this guy walking in there with shiny golden locks and the sun illuminating him ... I totally feel like this paragraph happened in slow-mo. There was probably really dramatic music playing at the time as well, something with strings. Or a powerful song from the 80s like Open Arms by Journey.

Another couple just confirmed my theory that James is the only straight character. The fact that they're both named after flowers is amusing :P

Oh wow I didn't expect that plot twist with Scorpius either. Especially after all the PDA and love confessions with those two. What could possibly have prompted him to do that? *shakes head* Ughhh, Scorpius. I can't believe Lily has that little respect for Albus either. Please tell me there's another explanation for this. Is Lyra dreaming? alskdhfahsdjk

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Review #4, by marauderfan VI.

3rd January 2017:
A blueberry muffin sounds delicious right now and I just realized that I am hungry and should probably make dinner soon. It will probably be breakfast food because Lyra's breakfast inspired me.

SNITCH PUFFS, yes, I love really goofy analogues between the wizarding world and real one.

It's really cute that her parents showed up to see the game!

Of course the match continues as he is taken to the Hospital Wing, -- Hogwarts in a nutshell. Literally everything at the school is dangerous and no one blinks an eye at it, instead they encourage 14 year olds to play broom sports hundreds of feet in the air. I'm amazed there aren't more lawyers in the wizarding world.

Okay, so you know that thing I mentioned in my previous review about something to ground the reader really in the moment? This chapter is it. This was great! I loved the Quidditch game and how you wrote it focused on specifically the things Lyra is concentrating on - not the commentator, but on what's happening in front of her with the quaffle and who fell.

Oh no, Madam Pomfrey went a little overboard with all the details of how he might have died. haha Seriously, no one wants to hear stuff like that - no reason to unnecessarily worry people! But then again... wizarding world's sense of safety. Falling to your death is just a mundane kind of event it seems. :P

Awesome chapter!

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Review #5, by marauderfan V.

3rd January 2017:
Aw, Lyra really is growing up. She didn't even break Hugo's nose. Instead she used her words. I'm proud of her.

The idea of all these wizards and witches waiting in line to sign the cast of someone they don't really know just because signing a cast is a big deal in a place where they usually have leg-regrowing potions instead of casts... that's hilarious. And also I would expect nothing less from Draco Malfoy than for him to already have the potion. It's extra funny because you just know some kid waited a really long time just to sign Lyra's cast and probably had to sign on top of some other large signature that was taking up too much space, and then it didn't matter anyway because Lyra got the cast off two hours later. Bahahaha.

Can we talk about the fact that Draco has an owl named Romeo. Headcanon: Astoria has one named Juliet.

On a scale of 1 to spatttergroit, how much do you think Draco enjoyed Lyra's response comparing him to Harry Potter? I bet he frowned grumpily and then started re-reading The Fault In Our Stars.

I'm really enjoying this fic so far, though one thing I'd love to see more of would be a bit more scene setting. I feel like it kind of hops from one thing to another pretty quickly and I never feel like I'm entirely in the moment. Maybe take time to describe what things look like, or what Lyra is feeling, or kind of get into her head more so the reader can really understand what makes her tick, as a way to complement all of the dialogue?

It's your story though so you write what you want to write - that's just a bit of CC/personal opinion if you want it. Either way, I'm definitely still enjoying the ride. :) To the next chapter! ♥

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Review #6, by marauderfan IV.

3rd January 2017:
I just realized that we have the same style of summary for our stories. Except yours are definitely more comprehensive summaries, haha.

The information Ben chooses to share about the city in Italy is amusing. I mean, normally when I want to know something about a place, the first question in my mind is who is its patron saint. :P

Lyra comes off as a bit... unbalanced here. I mean, being so dramatically revolted by the couples and then actually punching Albus in the nose (possibly breaking it)? ... yikes! I can see why Draco called her a troublemaker.

Tall Awkward Gangly Friend. -- !! You've just invented a term that describes me 100%. I hella relate to this.

Wow, sarcasm does not work as well when not spoken. -- ALSO something I relate to. I have to resort to goofy looking emojis instead. See above statement about the patron saint. :P

I noticed Lyra watching Audrey walking. Do I detect a crush? I hope so because it would really round this story out into a nice rainbow. :D After all, there are no straight people in this story so far, except James.

Am I jealous or do I find love disgusting? -- She might be aromantic! Either that or she's a lonely, bitter teenager surrounded by people in love. Both equally likely options, and I'm not sure which one it is at the moment (neither is Lyra, I guess).

Hogwarts has an Orchestra! My nerdy violist self is very happy about this.

I like that you took into account how Hogwarts would have so many more students - in terms of sorting, and the number of professors teaching each class - as it'd be sort of a baby boom generation after the war, so I like that you included that as it feels pretty realistic.

I'm also excited that they're back at Hogwarts. And I'm still wondering how Lyra got the status of prefect even though she punched Albus in the face.

Great chapter!

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Review #7, by marauderfan III.

3rd January 2017:
Here come awkward meeting the family shenanigans! I can't wait.

Her way of helping is to just tell her parents when Scorpius has been missing for two days... Helpful!

Lyra is totally right, free food is the #1 way to get anyone to go to anything. That and an open bar.

The long string of Mr Weasley and Mrs Weasley's made me laugh. There are so many of them! And I love how Lyra just described them all as the same thing with their name as an after thought.

I like that she was accepted so easily by all the Potter/Weasley bunch. And most especially that it went over well with Scorpius meeting everyone too - that sounds like a pretty intimidating thing, even if he's known a few of them for a while through school, but this is a different context.

Yay for everyone being happy! Even Lyra, because although she has to put up with her brother and his boyfriend finishing each other's sentences, at least she got some cake out of the deal so it's fair.

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Review #8, by marauderfan II.

3rd January 2017:
That must have been terrifying to fall out hte window! Like, that's really not a lot of time to think fast and come up with some way to not break both of your legs and/or spine. I'd be kinda angry at Ben if I were her. Also I have a feeling Ben's last minute plan was pretty ineffective because his mother would have heard a scream from outside the window, probably heard the Accio, and then seen someone fly away from below Ben's window. Good try Ben, but no. :P

Thank goodness Hogwarts now has a sex-ed class. After all the fics I've seen about teenage pregnancy at Hogwarts it was about time that they have that class XD

Albus and Scorpius really are the cheesiest :P

Onward!

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Review #9, by marauderfan I.

3rd January 2017:
HI LILY!!! ♥ First of all, let me apologize for being so incredibly slow with this. I promise I didn't forget about you - I was working 50hr weeks in addition to applying to grad schools and trying to visit family. So, it was insane and I had no time but now I am very much here for this story. Here we go!

Your chapter image is gorgeous.

I love the idea of Scorpius having a younger sister! Especially one who's kind of bad at being a Malfoy, at least in the tradition of all the others - at least from the first section of this, I can tell that she's a bit of a troublemaker, as opposed to Draco and Lucius who were each really focused on their reputation. Though it seems the war and its repercussions have really changed Draco. His kids being a Hufflepuff and a Gryffindor? I love it. (I bet Draco didn't, but hey what can you do. :P) Also, I must admit I'm really curious about their family movie nights. Mostly just the image of Draco Malfoy watching muggle movies and enjoying them. Now I have a new headcanon: he would tell people he really likes serious movies like The Shawshank Redemption but secretly his favorite film is The Notebook. Am I right?

AM I PICKING UP HINTS OF SCORBUS? Seriously, how fast did Scorpius switch from surly to jumping for joy at a letter from Albus. I rest my case. :D

...Okay, so I guess I got ahead of myself there, because the subtext I was picking up on was actually just text. This is what happens when you review as you read. Anyway, yay for scorbus. I love them as a couple, but seeing them through Lyra's eyes is pretty hilarious because it's so realistic to how anyone would feel about getting TMI about their sibling's love life. It's a fun twist because I'm reading about a ship I love but through the lens of someone who is bored/disgusted by it, she's like "Get a soundproof room and leave me alone."

I’ll give you a paragraph. Read it very quickly, and imagine me talking fast. -- Lyra is such a fun narrator! This section made me laugh. It's kind of like this is her memoir or something that she just handed to the reader to read rather than telling a story, and it makes for a really fun way of storytelling.

The sibling bickering between her and Scorpius is adorable, and how they still race each other down the stairs to open the door just for the sake of competition. And Draco's half hearted attempts to get his children to shut up because their immature arguing is annoying him, even though he knows it won't work because this is literally what happens all the time. But he still makes the attempt in hopes that they'll be quiet this time, because he's trying to watch The Notebook but the room is too noisy. I know this to be true.

Hahaha, Albus and Scorpius are the worst, and couples like this in real life drive me nuts... but I love scorbus anyway.

What book is Draco reading? My bets are that he is holding up the jacket to a John Grisham courtroom novel, but inside is actually a John Green novel. That's why the jacket was upside down.

Okay, so, in summary: I really enjoyed this first chapter! Lyra's narrative voice is a lot of fun and I look forward to getting to know her and her family better in subsequent chapters! I'm so glad I got this story for the review exchange. :)

Author's Response: Hey Kristin, glad to see you here! It's totally okay, RL gets crazy for all of us.

Oh thank you, but even though I'd love to take credit for it, it is actually the lovely Callisto @ tda who made me that.

Same, though Lyra really isn't supposed to be "bad" at being a Malfoy, she's just a troublemaker. Draco was kind of a troublemaker in his own way at school, if you think about it.

No, Draco was fine with the houses of his children. He's really not like his father.

Ha ha, I never thought of that! Maybe.

Oh darling, those aren't hints, ha ha. It's okay, I review as I read too.

I definitely wanted the bickering to be believable and yet be funny. However Draco wasn't really supposed to seem half-hearted when he was trying to get them to stop fighting. Ha ha!

I know. It's my own experience with couples too. I'm not aro/ace, but I just get really annoyed when couples are all puppy puppy puppy with each other.

Ha ha, no I don't think so. They're just trying to seem as if they're busy in their books so that they don't have to deal with their teens and their angst.

Thank you very much, I'm really glad that you like it. This story is "literally" (figuratively, obviously) my child.

Thanks again for this awesome review, and have a really happy new year!

-ImaRavenclaw



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Review #10, by PaulaTheProkaryote VII.

11th December 2016:
HEllO Lily! :D

Okay,

Like...

I LOVE TJ. I love him because he's the king of comic relief at any given time. I swear humor just rolls off your story and I also leave it laughing. His shock value comments, his endless teasing,

the male specimen. I'm dying.

Idk man, the whole no to hogsmeade but yes to something else seems shady to me. Even with the barfing excuse. Shoutout to Lyra for fearlessly asking though. I'd probably just barf on him instead. Keep up the theme and all.

Oh, yay, fun date. Quidditch practice. Yeesh, he really is Oliver's kid.

I like the flower dating the other flower though. That's cute!

NO I TOTALLY DONT GET IT YOU GO ON A NOT DATE WITH MY LYRA BABY AND THEN YOU'RE JUST LIKE OH HEY LET'S BE FRIENDS. I get that he's dreamy but ugh.

SCORPIUS YOU LITTLE. UGH. WHY YOU DO THIS? Dude I'm even more upset with Lily why would you take away your brother's happiness? Also what kind of cheating? Emotional? A kiss? A much-more-than-a-kiss-but-gotta-keep-my-review-12+?

As per usual, I loved your characterization. Especially of Lyra/my one true love. The flow was nice and easy to read and you've got plenty of suspense built up for the next chapter.

Technically I'm still slammed with school (dang it, I'm going to finish my thesis or bust), but I'm trying to be more active. Hint hint more chapters! ;)

Author's Response: HELLO PAULA :D

I'm so sorry, I've been so bad a responding to reviews lately. BUT I'M HERE NOW HOORAY!!!

I love TJ too. I always feel awkward when I talk about fan fic TJ because I used to know (not really well) a TJ in real life, so I just find it funny. Except that this TJ is almost nothing like other TJ, besides being blonde and funny. (I know that Miles Heizer isn't blonde, but he was the only decent looking face claim that I liked for TJ). Okay, moving on.

Though we're still on the topic of TJ, I felt the need to start a new paragraph. Okay so, yes I know. The shock value comments and teasing are my fav to write.

I don't even remember where I got that line. It wasn't in a book or anything because then I'd have to credit, but I think one of my friends said it in a conversation. Ha ha. That's going to drive me crazy.

It's not shady! Paula you misread that. It's kind of supposed to be because I don't really like writing Hogsmeade. If you haven't noticed I don't write it too much. I already put it in so now I'm like "eh". Also it's kind of supposed to be more romantic. I DON'T KNOW, BUT IT'S NOT SHADY.

Yep. I had another comment but I deleted it because it would've been too much of a giveaway of what happens in future chapters.

I did it for a reason, Paula. There are CERTAIN THINGS that HPFF doesn't allow *cough*

Don't worry, I'm writing a one-shot called "Forgive Me" that will describe the event in detail. It was going to be another TJ/Ben, but I knew you'd rip my head off if I did anything bad to them (I still hadn't figured out what). Oh, I will though. Muhuahuahuahuahua*cough*

Thank you very much Paula/my wonderful friend who gives me squee comments. Oh yes I do.

Good luck with your thesis! Yes, there will be certainly be more chapters for you! VIII is finished and IX is on the way.

And just for you, a little summary of the next chapter: In which I make a Japanese friend, fail an essay, and fall asleep in Sexual Education.

Let your imagination come up with the rest!

-Lily





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Review #11, by 800 words of heaven I.

8th December 2016:
Heya! I'm dropping in for your review request :)

I really enjoyed this first chapter. Like you said, not much happens, but it was still fun.

Lyra seems like a fun character. She's sarcastic and a little weird. So far, she seems like a typical teenage girl. I'm looking forward to seeing her gain some depth in character. Not character growth since it's far too early in the story for that, but just some more fleshing out on who she actually is, beyond the sarcasm and tendency towards slapstick humour. I do like her use of lists. I approve of lists greatly.

Since we didn't get much on individual people, I'll just lump the rest of the Malfoy family together. I'm really looking forward to getting more Scorbus that doesn't just involve smooching - probably in the same boat as Lyra, there. I am not sure how likely this is going to be since this story is in Lyra's point of view, so of course we're going to see their relationship through her biases. I love this new and improved Draco Malfoy. I am all about the "father-of-the-year" Draco Malfoy trope. However, I'd love to see how he got there. I know this is also unlikely since sixteen-year-old daughters don't really care all that much about their parents' character development. But still, I think it will help this slightly out-of-character Draco make a little more sense if we got a little backstory on this miraculous transformation.

As to humour, I really enjoyed myself! I am a big fan of the humour genre, and this was a lot of fun. For me, most of the humour in this chapter came from the dialogue itself, rather than Lyra's internal monologue. I'm not sure how that's going to change over the chapters. On the note of dialogue, I really enjoyed it. It was fast and snappy and felt realistic. However, I would love a little more description of what's going on immediately around Lyra. I got enough background knowledge for an opening chapter, but not much on where Lyra actually was or how anything looked or felt our sounded. I had to fill in a lot of those gaps myself.

Typos:

"Oh, so your Hufflepuff with muggles, but not with your own sister? Wow, Scorpius."
- "you" should be "you're"

(we share a dorm for christ sake!)
- "Christ" should be "Christ's"

This was a great opening chapter, though! Looking forward to more :)

Author's Response: Hello, sorry for how late I've been in responding. Real life has been really crazy for me.

Thank you so much for your kind review.

Lyra is definitely a fun character, and I do flesh her character out a bit more. But not that much until the climaxes in the story.

Yes, I definitely love that Draco too. In most of the fics I have he's like that (I do have a few where he's mean and strict though, for versatility).

Thanks so much on the humour. That's certainly the most important part for me. There is definitely more description starting in about the third chapter or so.

Yep, I'll definitely change the your - you're, just a typo because I type super fast.

Christ however I'll keep the same, because that's just kind of how she talks. In fan fic when I do that I like those things to be more of swears than religious things, because I don't really want to represent religion unless it's important to my story. So instead of God I usually put Godrick, instead of Jesus or God there'll be Merlin, or something like that. So christ in this sense is a swear rather than a person.

I'm glad that you enjoyed it, and I will definitely keep some of your suggestions in mind when I write future chapters.

Thanks!

-ImaRavenclaw


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Review #12, by PaulaTheProkaryote VI.

4th December 2016:
hello lovely,

TJ reminds me of Oliver Wood as captain. I love him. Arguably one of my favorite OCs.

Muffins are my fave so obviously that makes Lyra even more of a genius even if she's hateful toward blueberries.

I like May too. I can't remember when I was awake at that hour last. I've crafted my schedule to avoid it as thoroughly as possible (except for one poorly picked ornithology class that started at 6 am even though we typically had half a foot of snow at any given time).

I'd toss the slogan too, but I can't think of anything cooler. I whisper weird things to myself all the time though so I can't be judgey.

You're really, really good at writing action scenes. I can't tell you how many quidditch scenes I've scrolled straight through because they can be so boring.

Good victory! I'm proud that the Malfoys showed up for the game. They're such good parents.

As always, I love Lyra so, so much. I definitely missed some good Scorp drama though. Soon, I hope?

Author's Response: Hello to you too, lovely. Sorry that it has taken twenty days to respond. You know how RL gets.

TJ's tough, but I'm glad to be getting more and more into his character with those one-shots that I'm writing. They're helping me write GTOLM better.

The slogan was just a thing I threw in there. I wanted it to be kind of like Pitch Perfect 2 where they're just like "DSM ja!" it's stupid but it works.

Thank thank thank you very much. I was a little worried that it'd be boring, but I guess not.

Yes, they are.

Yes, you will get some good Scorp drama. *smirks*

Thanks so much for the review. Lots of love!

-Lily



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Review #13, by PaulaTheProkaryote V.

22nd November 2016:
Hello lovely!

I'm taking a quick break from Nano and school and craziness to pop in and check on my Lyra love. YOU'VE POSTED SO MUCH I CAN'T WAIT TO READ!

I swear she's my soulmate. "Need coffee." Me every morning. Like don't even talk to me until I've had two cups. Don't breathe in my direction. I'd scream like a banshee.

I can't blame Audrey. The gay ones are always the cutest ones. The day of the tape was hilarious. At least Lyra gets her coffee though.

Oh god, Hugo. Oh no. Ew. YES ALBUS, YES. There's my baby love. Although I fully support her temptation to stroke Tim's hair. That would be the best and I hope it happens.

Stupid Slytherins and their stupid violent tryouts.

I think the signing signatures ontop of signatures thing was funny. That happened to me when I broke my arm. Like it's just a cast. I DON'T GET IT.

Thank Merlin for Draco Malfoy.

She totally aced it. I'm so proud of sweet Lyra. And you for writing her!

Author's Response: Hi Paula, sorry that it has taken me literally a month to reply to you. RL has had me running around in circles like a dog trying to catch its tail. I'm back now though, and I'm taking the time to answer your amazing reviews.

Thanks for taking a nano break for me. Yes, many chapters have been posted and I'm glad to see that you like them all so far. Maybe you'll get to be a beta again sooner or later.

Yeah, I know she's your soulmate, ha ha. I don't have a caffeine dependency (I like a good cup here and there, but I don't drink it every morning) so I can't really relate, but I thought it'd be funny to have her be like that.

I know. I really liked this boy at my school maybe a year or two ago (he's transferred to a different secondary school now, though), and he turned out to be super hella gay.

I just wanted to emphasize that though Lyra hates love, she has kissed before.

Well, um... The Tim Wood story line is one we will get to.

Yes I agree. Stupid Slytherins (thank Merlin we're Claws).

Ha, I've only ever broken one bone in my entire life (I think I was like four or five or six. It was so long ago that I don't remember), but I do remember people constantly wanting to sign my cast.

He's her dad and he's always got her back.

Thanks so much Paula. For your awesome reviews and your great friendship!

Happy Christmas!

-Lily


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Review #14, by IchigoPan I.

12th November 2016:
BvB Review!!

Quite a nice start to Lyra's story in Malfoy Manor. Between her parents' complacency (and disbelief of her being a Prefect) and her brother's constant PDA (amongst the noises she wish she could unhear) with "Albie," what's a girl to do?

I've always found writing in first person somewhat easy, but challenging when describing the actions of others around said person; you've done that quite well.

Just a few minor corrections:

"Okay, more then a paragraph."

The "then" should be "than."

"That sorting hat has lost it’s mind"

The "it's" should be a possessive "its" without the apostrophe.

And the period after "I’m pretty sure he has OCAED" could be replaced with a colon or semi-colon since you're explaining what the acronym stands for after.

- ichigo :D

Author's Response: Hey there, thanks for the review!

Thank you very much for the tips and kind review! I fixed up those corrections just now. I hope to see you for the next chapter.

Thanks again for the review!

-ImaRavenclaw


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Review #15, by CloakAuror9 I.

8th November 2016:
Hello!

First thing, I'm so sorry that this took me a couple of days. I was just cleaning some IRL mess but anyway, I'm here with your review :)

Humour is definitely a constant element of this chapter and its a strong point about it. I think that it works very well and you have some A+ banter going on between Lyra and Scorpius. I think this is one of the few stories I've read where Scorpius has an actual sibling --not just him being 'like siblings' with one of the Weasley children. So, I find that quite interesting as well since the two seem to have a warm and solid relationship.

I also like that Scorpius is a Hufflepuff! How cute. I'm just imagining platinum blonde Malfoy and his yellow and black scarves.

I'm not sure of how I feel about Lyra though. She definitely has a strong voice since this is a first person POV, but I feel like her thought process tends to disrupts the pace of the story sometimes? She bounces from one thing to another real quick and if that's the kind of narrative that you're aiming for then I say you did a great job.

The structure of the story is a bit different, not at all what I expected but I still like it! I think what you're doing and where you're going to take this story is very interesting. You've written a very nice introductory chapter with a strong main character!

I enjoyed reading this!!

- Izzy

Author's Response: Hey Izzy, thanks so much for the kind review! It's okay, I hope that RL gets easier for you.

Great, I'm really going for the funny with this fic! Most important thing EVER!!!

I love Hufflepuff Scorpius, but I've always Ravenclaw headcanoned him. I wanted to try something new, and I was inspired by ad astra's No Strings Attached Scorpius to do a Hufflepuff Scorp (he's not much like her characterization of Scorpius though).

Lyra is supposed to have a voice so strong that you can hear her power in Argentina. That's just how I planned her. And yes, that's also kind of the narrative I was going for in this first chapter, she's kind of supposed to annoy you.

For me it was really important that this story be unique. IMPORTANT!

Thank you so much. Have a lovely day!

-ImaRavenclaw


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Review #16, by PaulaTheProkaryote IV.

17th October 2016:
HELLO LOVELY!

I'm SO behind. You can't hate me!
Things I loved the most from this chapter:
-the entire beginning section (omg)
-Character development on behalf of literally every character
-BEN. ENDLESS BEN. MORE BEN. GIVE ME BEN.
-Albus Potter
-The schedule (don't you dare delete it)

On to the specifics:
The entire beginning section: HAHAHA, Okay it's amazing and hilarious. Poor, poor Lyra. No one knows the horrors she's seen. Or heard. Or well awoke to. As much as I love my brother I've had the same sort of unfortunate experience as Lyra when he moved in with me for a few months. It was a nightmare and we eventually agreed that the tv must be on to drown that stuff out. Lyra and Scorpius should seriously consider the same.

Character development: Especially Lyra's. She's always been hilarious and lovely, but we really get to see her in this new light of Hogwarts and new friends and new people and it just brings an entirely new dynamic. And TJ is even better when he's with Ben. That being said part of me wants some TJ Ben drama just to highlight how good they are together. A breakup or a fight or something to remind the readers. All of TJ's dialogue is particularly flawless as well.

BEN BEN BEN: Everyone needs a Ben in their life that knows everything about everything. Ben's make life so much easier (especially if you don't have google in a magical school).

Albus: GIVE ME ALBUS WOMAN OR I'LL CRY HE'S MY PRECIOUS ANGEL BABY.

I know the schedule is a huge chunk of text but I think you've done such a good job of formatting it and it's so nice to read. If you absolutely must take it out add it to that page on HPFT where you can write all of the good extra story information like character profiles and universe arches etc. I seriously think you've crafted it so well though.

SO MUCH DEVELOPMENT. Like Batman, I'll be back. No that's the terminator. Or maybe both. Either way.

Author's Response: PAULA I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE HERE *gushes*

I can't, you're right.

Yes I know, Scorpius is a little rat. I love how you can relate to that scene, ha ha.

WILL GIVE YOU MORE BEN, I WILL, I WILL, I WILL! BE EXCITED. ARE YOU EXCITED?!

I was only planning on doing Scorbus drama, but that sounds good. Maybe I'll do like TJ's ready to come out but Ben's still nervous/vice versa. Or something else. If you have any suggestions, feel free to pm me!

Albus is also my precious angel baby, and there will be plenty more of him.

Great, I thought it was awful. But if you like it I'll keep it!

Ha ha, I sure hope so.

Lots of love Paula,

-Lily



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Review #17, by victoria_anne II.

6th October 2016:
I just have the giggles throughout this story.

Her falling from Ben's room (though probs terrifying) was absolutely hilarious. I'm only two chapters in but I'm already like #justLyrathings

Her banter with Albus (or, like, anyone) is so much fun to read. Everything in this story is so quick, and it makes for a great read.

And again, I love how adamant she is that relationships are disgusting. Oh, sweet little innocent Lyra! She doesn't know what she's missing! (Well, after witnessing Albus and Scorp, maybe she does)

Also, I'm ever so glad that Hogwarts has introduced that class. Seems wise.

Keep up the good work, Lily!

Much love, from B ♥

Author's Response: Hey B, I'm glad you enjoyed the story (I guess I'll keep you reading)!

I really wanted something comically impossible to happen right in the beginning. And a little secret, my favourite line in this chapter is: "You're more magical than I am, now go!"

Yes Lyra does hate relationships. UNTIL... Well you'll have to keep reading to see.

Thank you again!

-ImaRavenclaw


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Review #18, by victoria_anne I.

22nd September 2016:
Hello gorgeous Lily!

Annoy me with Lyra all you want - I love her!

I had a smile on my face the entire time I was reading this. I want to pull out my favourite lines but there's just too many! Most of this review is just going to be me gushing :P

The fact the Malfoys are a mushy family with Muggle movie nights and Hufflepuff & Gryffindor children just melts my heart. Also, Scorbus 5eva! ♥

This is hilarious, you have no reason to be concerned over whether you're funny or not. Lyra is so snarky, I love the way she talks about Scorpius and Albus. She's the perfect disgusted little sister. And their banter is so great, too. I hope we see more of that.

I can't wait to see where you take this, and whether Lyra meets someone who changes her mind about luuurve ;)

Awesome work, Lils! ♥

Author's Response: Oh hello Bianca, I'm so glad you enjoyed this!

Your review made me very happy. I'll definitely pester you with more Lyra.

-ImaRavenclaw


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Review #19, by Felpata Lupin I.

17th September 2016:
Hello!
Here with your requested review! :)

Ok, so... this was fun!
I always enjoy a good, sassy POV! And some siblings' rivalry! It's always so much fun to read! :)

I also totally love the idea of Scorpius being a Hufflepuff! I never considered that possibility, but I think it's an interesting perspective. And, well... I have a soft spot for Hufflepuff characters... :P (have to agree with Lyra, thought. He doesn't seem very nice to her...)

Draco also seems a good father, very supportive of his children, which is another thing that surprised me slightly but that I enjoyed seeing.

And, despite Lyra's opinions on the matter, I think Albus and Scorpius are very cute! Even if it's hard to tell, seeing things through Lyra's eyes. :P

I enjoyed reading this chapter. It's very funny and helps get a good idea about who the characters are. I really enjoyed the picture of the Malfoy family you gave us here. :)

Nice start to your story. Thank you for requesting. :)

Much love,
Chiara

Author's Response: Thank you very much for your review Chiara! I'm super glad that you enjoyed my story!

I agree completely, I'm always trying to change canon characters personalities/looks/houses up whenever I write a new story. It is important to me to be versatile! So, sometimes Scorpius is a suavey (is that even a word? Who cares.) heterosexual Slytherin, and sometimes he's a shy and very gay eccentric Ravenclaw. Or he'll be the only evil Hufflepuff known to man. Or he'll be a proud Gryffindor.

Draco is! You see it in a lot of my fics. I have a few where Draco is his snarky evil self.

I agree *grins sheepishly*

Well I'm glad you liked it, and I hope that you have a lovely day!

-ImaRavenclaw


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Review #20, by dreamgazer220 I.

31st August 2016:
Hello, Lily! Here with your requested review! ♥

Okay, so, I like this concept a lot. I love the idea of the Malfoys being super fluffy, and I could definitely see that happening; Draco not wanting to be anything like Lucius and marrying Astoria, and I could see this being Astoria's influence on the family and the kids. You've done a great job of nailing Scorpius and Lyra; their bickering really sounds like bickering and it's fantastic.

At first, I wasn't sure how I felt about Lyra interrupting the story by talking to us, but after a while, I got used to it and the humor worked for the story. But is she writing in a journal or something in some parts? Is there a way that you can make that clearer? Like when she starts off with the date, I thought she might be writing it down, and was a little confused when it was just a regular scene.

I also love the idea of her being a bit reckless and being a Gryffindor, then getting nailed with Prefect-dom and Scorpius being angry about it. Definitely something I can see happening. And Albus and Scorpius are disgustingly cute, but they're still young so it makes sense. I just have a hard time believing that Draco - and even Astoria - wouldn't have some kind of ground rules with Albus staying over if they know they're dating. Maybe they have an open door policy, but Scorbus tries to find ways around that and Lyra catches them all the time?

I'd also like a bit more description. We get some, like what color her room is. I also wonder if there's a way that you can vary the paragraph lengths? Have some longer ones with Lyra's thoughts and maybe some description/emotion rather than just relying on her voice. I hope that makes sense? The quicker paragraphs/almost one-liners definitely make a quick read, but then there was a part where I forgot that they were in the kitchen still! So maybe there's a way you can just bring the readers back to the setting somehow? I hope that makes sense!!

This story has a lot of potential, and I'd be curious to see how you flesh these characters out. Lyra has a very unique voice which is super awesome, and the humor here is fantastic as well.

I somehow have a feeling that this year, she might change her mind on having a boyfriend XD

Thanks for the request!

♥Jill

Author's Response: Hello Jill, thanks for getting back with that review!

I definitely liked the concept too. The Malfoys are always seen as brutal and evil and nasty and mean and all those other words, I just wanted a fic where everyone felt heard and at home.

I definitely will go back and figure out a way to change that/make it work better, but in a way it is exactly how I imagined. I was thinking of a sort of Ferris Bueller's Day Off style, so she's not writing a journal and yet she's breaking the fourth wall. The date could of course be misunderstood, but I kind of see it like when they put a subtitle in the corner of the screen during certain movies.

I'm glad you thought the bickering was authentic, I'd like to say I spent time thinking it through, but... I didn't.

Yep, Lyra is definitely not exactly in the merit for this prefect job, but you'll find out later (if you continue to read), why exactly she got it.

Draco and Astoria are seen as mean people. So, in an attempt not to be seen as bigoted or homophobic, they let Albus and Scorpius have this freedom. Also, Scorpius is of age so it's not like they can stop him. The "open door" rule might become a thing when Lyra dates... Which she will.

Description! This is the one I get called for on this story. This chapter was very introductory, but there will be A LOT more description starting in chapter four, as when I wrote it I really realized that I needed a lot more of description.

My characters will get very fleshy, and I forgot to mention but yes, Scorbus is disgustingly cute. And yes... Lyra will get a boyfriend, but you'll have to stick around to find out who it is.

You're very welcome, and I hope you have an amazing day!

-ImaRavenclaw




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Review #21, by PaulaTheProkaryote III.

28th August 2016:
LOVELY LILY (I'm using a Slughorn inspired voice)

Let me start off this review by saying when I read the summary I began rubbing my hands together in a very villainous way before realizing how creepy it was. I live for next gen Wotters.

This writing is vastly improved from the first two chapters and I do agree that you've come a long way.

I want an enchilada now which I'm blaming entirely on you. After I finish this I'm probably dragging the husband to our Mexican joint.

Yeah, Lyra, I think it's reasonable to be reluctant to go. Malfoys and Wotters just don't mix that well. I mean besides the fact that they totally will (cue evil laughter). Lyra is such a good sibling. Potentially letting her parents know he's been gone 48 hours and is probably dead. So sweet.

"A fed Lyra is a happy Lyra." Same, Lyra, same. But I'm unhappy because I'm enchiladaless.

I loved the interaction between Lyra and James (I vote more, please). James is funny and blunt and I love his relationship with his family. They all seem pretty tight knit. I like even more that there isn't really any animosity toward the boys for their sexuality (and there absolutely shouldn't be).

Rose wasn't there and I'd like to know why. My initial thought is that because Scorose is such a popular ship there might be some problems there. Does Rose have feelings for Scorpius? If so she's in for a rude awakening because Albus/Scorpius must be the cutest couple in the universe.

I can't wait to see you explore the character dynamics even further. Since Lyra was just accepted right in (and knew everyone from Hogwarts pretty well anyway) I'm hoping we will see more of Lyra/Wotters soon. I think it would be a great next chapter (wink wink). I'm interested to also see how TJ interacts with the Wotters. Does he get on well with them?

I like that this story has a lot of lgbqt characters because hot dog we need more representation (hot dog is a phrase I've adopted from my niece's mickey mouse show and I can't stop saying it).

UPDATE SOON!

Author's Response: LOVELY PAULA!

Ha ha, yeah next gen Wotters are my thing too. Gotta love them, right?

I'm so glad you think so, I'm always looking to improve my skills.

Lyra just really loves her bed and her anti-social life, she really doesn't want to leave her house.

"A fed Lyra is a happy Lyra." Is definitely my favourite line.

Oh ho ho, James and Lyra, huh? You'll be seeing a whole lot more of them.

Rose was not there because of studying or an appointment or something. But I totally agree, there is no breaking up this amazing couple... Maybe.

I wonder why you'd be interested about how TJ interacts with them, as Audrey is a Zabini-Parkinson and Ben is from a family they don't even know.

I definitely agree that we need more lgbtq+ characters, so it's kind of my ultimate trope. There's always one of them in my fics.

I WILL! Chapter four will probably be submitted into the queue sometime from Monday-Wednesday.

Thank you for the review! Hope that you're having a wonderful day.

-ImaRavenclaw


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Review #22, by PaulaTheProkaryote II.

22nd August 2016:
HELLO LOVELY! :D

I'm so happy to be back in your AP again. I just noticed you have a TMI/Vampire Academy crossover and while I don't typically read crossovers, I'm stopping by in a few days.

Now that you say it's not journaly (totally a word) I see it so much clearer. I don't know why exactly I thought that. Probably because I'm working on an epistolary fic myself and I got stuck in the mindset. Ignore my previous recommendation completely then.

I'm dying laughing at the very beginning of the story. So I'm completely nonreligious. 100%. But one thing I'm obsessed with is religion in the magical world and I like that you've added in these jokes. I'm not sure yet if Ben is magical (but I'm also only like two paragraphs in while typing this). Being an atheist, I especially loved the jokes that Ben's mom fired off. It's so important to be pure and chaste until marriage. Perhaps even beyond! ;D

Based on your characterization of Ben's parents I don't think they'd really mind at all. I'm very glad that Lyra seems to be encouraging him to go ahead and own up to himself.

NO POOR LYRA! TWO FLOORS IS FOREVER! It's not her fault! She just didn't want to die!

Lyra is surrounded by very loving couples. She's bound to find herself in the same kind of relationship, right? (I'm wiggling my eyebrows suggestively)

There she is covering for Ben! What a good friend. TBH I'd probably throw him under the bus. Also she's a big old daddy's girl (me too) so I completely love that. All it took was an "I'm sorry daddy" and she's free to go! I like that Draco also still has the Ministry connections that his father enjoyed, but in much nicer circumstances. Have I mentioned I love your version of the Malfoy family? I totally love your version of the Malfoy family.

GOOD. Hogwarts students need a little reproductive education! I can't believe we made it through all those years without it! I wonder if head of houses lead it or if Madam Pomfrey (or her replacement) would lead it. I hope you tell me!

“Might I remind you that we came out of the same womb, and we’ve shared a house for 16 years, and we’d shared a room for 5. We even shared clothes.” This was my favorite line. She really did shut him down (even though he totally wins in the next line). She's so sassy and quick witted. I love her.

Minor CC thing (here we go again. It scares me, y'know. You'll read this and grumble and hate me and we're like this close to being besties): "I wouldn't of done it" instead of "I wouldn't have done it." I wouldn't mind a bit more descriptors too. Nothing major, just what Ben's room looks like or maybe what the courtroom feels like. Just to help me be there in the moment. Other than that I don't have anything to really CC (and I'm really trying my best to nitpick).

I hope you're working on chapter three! :D This chapter did a really good job setting up the story, introducing the characters, and making me love your Scorbus even more. GIMME SOME MORE LYRA.

Author's Response: HELLO PAULA! :D

I hope you're having a lovely day. Oooh yes please do, I'd love opinions on that one, I'm definitely loving THDP so far though, and I love my AP so dearly and am happy to share it with anyone and everyone.

Yeah, I get sucked into her mindset too, but I'm really trying not to make it like a diary.

Oooh good, I'm glad that it's funny. I just don't hope any religious people were insulted. Atheists are cool. For a bit I considered myself one, but I wouldn't really go so far as to say 'atheist'. I have a buddhist symbol around my wrist and sometimes I go to synagogues or churches though I don't really believe in buddha or krishna. My beliefs change and I'm more about 'the god within'. I am accepting of everyone's beliefs however.

I know, that's why I went ahead with the whole 'Ben is super paranoid thing', it makes people realize that no matter how annoying or pushy (some) parents are, they'll always love you. Ben is just a little scared, that's all.

Of course, which is why I'm mad at those court people! Lyra's mad too. At least she got off pretty easy.

Maybe... I'm actually planning for that to happen. She does have a few crushes on people at Hogwarts, but doesn't get to serious until later with a surprise someone...

That's Lyra. She's kind of (I'm not going to say that word because it doesn't belong in the reviews section)-y to others but definitely not to her friends. I'd like to say I'm a daddy's girl, but not really. Yep, that's dear old Draco. Though he'll never admit it, she's his favourite. I'm starting to regret writing doing something to them *suspenseful music*. You'll see about that in chapter 13.

I'm so glad you like that line!

For your CC, you'll be seeing a lot more of it starting chapter four.

Chapter three has been done forever, posting it today or tomorrow. I will totally, *GIVES YOU MORE LYRA.*

Thanks for the review, and I hope your days continue to be amazing.

-ImaRavenclaw

P.S. Hun, we are totally besties.





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Review #23, by PaulaTheProkaryote I.

18th August 2016:
HELLO LOVELY!

I think the opening line is quite funny. She was always looking for trouble yet she's now the prefect! It reminds me of James Potter.

It's unnecessary and maybe we'll see it in later chapters, but when you tell me she's always looking for trouble I'd like an example story perhaps? Tell me something outrageous she's done to really give me the full impact!

I like that you've got Scorpius over in Hufflepuff. I don't think I've actually read a Scorpius in Hufflepuff before!

I think you've nailed the humor head on. It's definitely nothing you have to worry about. “You don’t have to be kind. You just have to want to be.” I died at this line. That's completely hilarious. Also the whole “Muggles do fly” bit really got me. Your banter is absolutely fantastic!

You told me to nitpick so I'm nitpicking (although there isn't really much to pick at). One thing is "Anyways" instead of "Anyway" but I'm not sure that bothers many people. And Lyra really likes the word "So." TBH so do I so I can't judge. So and also. I'll be silent for like three hours and then say "ALSO! alkfjaslkfj" and I can't stop. "Oh, so ~you're~ Hufflepuff..." Did I mention yet that nitpicking is so hard for me?

I love the idea of Lyra's name. It's gorgeous and I've spent a TON of time looking at constellation names for my characters and I've found approximately none that I liked so I'm jealous you got to this name first.

I also love the idea of the Malfoys being big fluffy, cheesy bowls of mush. I blame Astoria.

I think you've really nailed the teenage voice in this story (something I struggle with so terribly). She sounds like she's the right age, not an old writer that forgot what teenagers actually sound like.

I love me some good Scorbus so I think this will be adorable. You have them absolutely so cute too. Disgustingly cute.

Usually I'm not crazy about the main character telling us the story, but I think it works really well in this story and I think it gives us more depth into Lyra and the way she thinks and acts. One thing that I think would make it clearer for the readers is making it clear that she's writing bits of this in the journal style. It's a little hazy at first.

I'm not used to being nitpicky so let me tell you that even though nothing I said was all that wildly harsh, it felt like it was for me. It hurt my soul. I think this story is going to be fabulous though and I'm SO glad you're revisiting it. Lyra has a TON of potential and Scorpius is a precious angel baby. I don't usually offer to beta (because I'm a lazy sloth) but I'm about 1000% sure I'll keep reading this story (as I'm already opening the next chapter to read) and so if you want someone to just look through your content or anything, shoot me a PM and I'll be there! This story will be so much fun and I think it's going to be among the most read by the time you finish it!

Author's Response: HELLO PAULA!

Thank you so much for your kind review! Your 'Request Reviews' page was NOT lying when you said that I'd be happy. I was so incredibly flattered!

I'm so glad you think I'm funny, that was really very important to me.

Well, I really do like unique names. If you ever need unique ones shoot me a pm and I'll run you down a list of a few I have/invented, no credit necessary! I basically spend my time making sounds until it could sound like a name when I'm bored. But yeah, it is always hard to find good constellation names for characters.

I like Hufflepuff Scorpius too! I like to change my canon characters houses, personality, sexual/gender orientations, and families as much as possible. You will almost never find two of the same Scorpiuses, albi (Albus plural), or Rose (as long as it's not the same verse). For canon characters that J.K.R. has written in the seven books however, a lot of the time they're the same. It's my next gen kids who really get variety!

Don't worry about the nit picky things, sometimes the truth hurts, but it's an important virtue in life. It makes us all better people, and I love when my stories are as top notch as possible! P.S. You weren't harsh, if anything you were too sweet *laughs*.

Like I said, this story is a little bit older. In the past few months I have really developed a style, and I find I am a lot better at writing. For some reason I used to spell 'genius', 'guiniess' or something along those lines *face palms* Maybe I was just tired when I wrote fan fiction. Who knows? Either way, now I don't have to be reminded to spell "genius" properly. These are the moments in life where I like to laugh at myself.

Yep, I think people are obsessed with making the Malfoys strict, so I decided to fluff em' up.



In my writing, I really strive for variety. So I change POV a lot from story to story, sometimes from chapter to chapter (depending, I don't have any posted stories that change POV by chapter right now.)

Thanks for the journal tip! I'll sit down and try to work that in when I find my bearings with this story. However, I wasn't really going for a journal feel. She's mostly telling everything as it happens, and not really retelling a story. The beginning is more of an introduction to herself, her story, and her family, but once you see that date she has basically started telling her story as it goes along.

Thank you so much for your review Paula, I hope you have the best day ever!

XOXO
-ImaRavenclaw







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Review #24, by ScarletSlytherin23 I.

5th June 2016:
This is brilliant! It's only the first chapter and I love it aha. How often do you plan on updating this?

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I love reviews. I have already finished the second chapter and am in the process of planning/writing the third one. I'm so glad you like it. I will try to post that chapter soon, but I also have lots of other stories I'm working on (if you liked the humour in this one some of my other works have it too, so go check them out if you want.)

Once again thank you for your review, and I really hope you read the next chapter of TGTOMLM.

Have a lovely day,

ImaRavenclaw.


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