Reading Reviews for Not My Own
  
24 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Gabriella Hunter The Ultimatum

29th May 2016:
HELLO!

This is Gabbie from the Twitter land here with your review and stuff! I was so bored today and I'm so happy that you were cool with me stopping by and everything,

I was so curious about what had happened to James since the last chapter! I totally remember everything from the last time I read this and I have to say that your writing is once again just so lovely.

I love how gritty and realistic you paint the world that Remus has to live in. He is constantly reminded of how much of an "other" he is and can't even find peace in a moment of rest. I think the idea of him living in a hovel, surrounded by werewolves and still being left out is just really powerful.

I get a really good sense of not only Remus but how his relationship with James and the others has shaped him. I honestly liked this version of James here too, he's very compassionate and he's showing remorse for not taking Remus's pain so seriously in the past.

I don't know how Remus would be able to do, it personally but I loved that James was overwhelmed by it all. He's usually such a confident person and I liked seeing him stumble and being unsure of himself. The bombardment of senses and the uncomfortable realization that he's not in his own skin was really powerful to me.

But I'm nervous about that ending! Rhea sounds like a terrible person but I LOVED the introduction to her. She came to my mind like an old, cunning queen and although she doesn't give off the vibe that she's dangerous right away, you can tell that she has her moments too.

But what is James going to do now? He's basically torn between his job and moving forward but he has to kill someone at least to get the information they need! I don't like that all! :o

I'm curious to see if we're going to meet Fenrir later on too. I get chills just from the mention of his name and I'm leery of Gigsby too, I hope James doesn't trust him much.

Hmmm.

Anyway, great chapter! I shall be back!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review Gabbie! I am glad you like the added charters and how I am presenting things for everyone. A lot of this has been clear in my head for years and honestly the results of the Rhea encounter won't be fully explored until much later in the story.

Again glad you enjoyed and I will look forward to when you return to the story!


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Review #2, by alicia and anne The Switch

23rd May 2016:
It breaks my heart that he had to be a spy, and that his friendships have been broken because of it. :(

I'm so glad that James knows why Remus had acted like he did, hearing about what had happened between their last meeting just makes me sad to think about. :(

Oh no, I can see this ending so badly :( I don't want Remus to die! I also don't want James to die! I don't want any of them to die.

Is it bad that the first thing I thought was that Remus will have his first full moon in such a long time as a human. I don't think James is going to cope with his first transformation.

I'm so terrified still! :S Can I hide behind my hands and deny that anyone is going to get hurt? THat seems like a good choice... denial is my friend.

This is such an original idea, and even though I'm in denial that anything bad is going to happen I need to read more! I can't wait to see how this develops! It's such an original idea!

Author's Response: Sorry about the feels lovely. I tend to like to play with them which makes for sadness but at the same time an interesting story. While denial may be your friend it isn't the truth of what will happen.

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Review #3, by Potterhead1994 The Search

23rd March 2016:
Hello! I just have to say that I'm quite impressed with this story. I always wandered what it would be like if one of Harry's parents had been kept alive and I have to say, you're doing an outstanding job with this! I absolutely love it. Keep on doing what you're doing:)

Author's Response: Thank you so much dear! I have been having fun with this story. While it has been some time since I have updated I am working on the next chapter. It has simply been difficult to find the time to write when I have been so busy with adjusting to a new job and work schedule but sooner rather than later I shall post an update.

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Review #4, by Gail Welin The Mission

6th March 2016:
Hi Marshal!

I'm back for more and this time, it's also for the HPFF REVIEW-A-THON! :D

Thirteen long years ago, James accepted his fate - being stuck living as Remus, who had died in his place with Lily. And now he gets to see his son again - but can never tell the truth. This is so horribly twisted and evil. I'm loving it! ♥
I love that it makes sense James would still be alive to demand that the cloak be gifted to Harry (you are messing with my brains again!)

You have a had/has situation here: "He knew what Dumbledore has asked" ;)

James being Remus gives Sirius' escape from Azkaban a whole new way to spread chaos and more confusion - it's great! I'm remembering the time Sirius and Remus meet again in the Shack o when Remus meets Severus again! There are so many ways to make James being Remus believable, it's exhilarating!
I can't repeat enough how great I think this plot is; the moment you make me think that it could've been that way is a clear win for you (that's twice in this chapter, hehe). I mean, I already hurt for James and want to punch Dumbledore for calmly calling him Remus like that - he's right, it'd be madness to even try and tell the truth now, it's way too late. But still, ouch.
I'm starting to look forward to James meeting Tonks and letting himself fall in love again (then my heart break when I remember how Remus didn't want to be in a relationship and how they die anyway).

Darn those feels!

*Gee

Author's Response: Gee!

I am forever in responding to this reivew. I am glad you like this so much and I am crafting a believable situation. I have been working very hard to keep things in character and have everything make sense and be believable. You have no idea how many flags are in my copy of POA so I can be as accurate as possible.

I think the evil and horrible twists of the emotions is why I love this plot. I'm glad the feels are being hit. That is my favorite part of writing as a whole getting the feels or making the brain explode.

I will have to go back and address the typo here in the near future. As for James/Tonks. I don't know if I'll write that far or not. Part of me would like to write it another part of me is scared to because that would be quite the undertaking. I might end things at POA and then do off shoot one shots of this universe.


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Review #5, by Musing The Switch

6th March 2016:
Hey Marshal! I'm finally here reviewing this story for the HPFF Review-A-Thon!

Oh, oh, oh, how come I never came across this story before now? This is very, very INTERESTING premise! Remus and James exchanged their bodies!? Were they able to change back before the fateful Halloween or it was Remus who died at the hands of Voldemort? Was it actually James who later on became Harry's favourite DADA teacher? This story is going to be an exhilarating read!

Before I get too carried away, I'll resist my urge to read the next chapter and review this chapter first! :P I felt so bad for Remus from the start. Sometimes or rather most of the times, I don't understand what goes inside Dumbledore's head! He made Remus the scapegoat and Remus lost all his closest friends' trust in the process. And the actual mole still went on doing what he had wanted without being caught for the next thirteen years!

James's and Remus's reactions after the exchange are so real. While Remus feels relaxed at inhabiting a healthy body, James surely has difficulty coping up with Remus's worn and battered body. I want to see how the first full moon rolls out for them!

I'm going to read the rest of the chapters soon! Thanks for the GREAT story!

xoxo
Emm

Author's Response: Emm,

I know I am late in giving you a response, but thank you very much for your kind review! I am glad you like the idea of this story so much! Indeed James is Harry's favorite DADA teacher in this story, but that is for coming chapters. I am glad you liked the the start and very much look forward to hearing what you think of the later chapters!


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Review #6, by Rumpelstiltskin The Ultimatum

12th February 2016:
Hey Marshal, I'm here with the second of your reviews that you won for the "Guess the Present Graphics" Challenge :).

You are doing an absolutely spectacular job with James and the position he's in. The amount of empathy he's building for Remus -- given being able to feel the pain and fatigue that Remus is constantly struggling with, not to mention dealing with the nightmares, the living situation, and the people he has to be around -- is spot on, in my opinion.

As a character, I think it also assists in James' development once he's finally able to understand what exactly has been happening with Remus ("
For the first time, he began to realize that while he and Sirius had made a game of things, it wasnt as much of one for Remus as they thought.") What kills me though is the foreshadowing in that same paragraph, where James wants to apologize to Remus when he sees him again (and then later, when he wants to speak to Remus about his living situation). I'm getting the sneaking suspicion that James will never actually see Remus again... *Sigh* I'm also getting the suspicion that this story will eventually result in tears (for me).

It's also drawing in the reader's empathy, which as great feat.

I like the idea of the hierarchy within the werewolf society. It reminds me of the natural order of things in a wolf pack and, given Fenrir's stance on his purpose and power behind being a werewolf, it's no surprise that he and his followers would adhere to this instinctual want/need for a hierarchy.

Rhea is an awesome character. I mean, I hate her, obviously, she's a villain, but she's a villain done right. She has this sort of sensually quiet evil to her and it makes her *terrifying*. It's no wonder why she's second-in-command.

I hate the awful predicament that James has been placed in, too. He has to now live in fear of Fenrir's wrath (and God knows what he'll do) or appease him/Rhea by turning a child (or someone). Obviously Remus wouldn't do it, and neither would James. It's just an awful predicament.

And that was quite a suspenseful hook into the next chapter! I wonder what'll happen...

Lovely chapter!

-Rumpel

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Review #7, by long_live_luna_bellatrix The Ultimatum

8th February 2016:
I love the amount of thought you put into the differences of perception between Remus and James. Remus' heightened senses seem like a natural thing to choose to mention, and it's really interesting to see James grapple with it. The part about his dreams was also fascinating. It feels like you've thought of it all, down to every moment of Remus' existence!

I'd be really curious for more of a description of the hovel Remus and now James lives in. Of course from James' horror, I can tell how derelict it is, but I still had some trouble fully visualizing it. Is it a literal shack, with walls and roof and door? Is it some kind of tent? A mattress under an overhang? I suppose all we know of it know is abstract concepts-- how horrible, unlivable, etc. it is-- but I'd something like a little more concrete, if that makes sense. It doesn't need to be a lot, because obviously it's just one moment in the chapter, but you can never go wrong with specific details.

One other question-- early in the chapter, you mention that it's odd for Remus to have a place of his own and that the other werewolves roam freely. Yet later James goes to a place that is clearly Rhea's home. Would you be able to clarify a little what you meant by Remus' "different" habits? What does it mean to have a home base versus to roam around?

I love that you jumped right into a tense situation in this chapter and put James on the spot. It's so awful to see him grappling with this request, all the more awful because he has to act on Remus' behalf! It's such a tough situation, and I really felt for James. You've done an excellent job at moving the story along at a gripping pace.

Again, I really appreciate the dialogue. Every character has a least a slightly distinct manner of speaking, and it betrays their different backgrounds, goals, etc. That attention to detail is definitely something that can pull a story up to the next level.

On the whole, another great chapter! Congrats again on winning the first round of "Guess the Present"! I've enjoyed this story and I will try to return to it, but don't worry if it takes seemingly forever; life gets busy over here and unfortunately reading and reviewing tends to be what gets left behind when things pick up. But you've definitely created an engaging start! Good luck with this story!

- Sarah

Author's Response: Sarah,

I am forever behind on review responses. I am really glad you like how I compared the lives of the two men. The details of Remus' existence is like burned in my brain so to speak having written him for so long. He is a true passion and obsession for me.

You are right that I need to bring my inclusion of descriptions and details to the next level. It is my greatest weakness. I am not an overly visual person and thus my writing reflects that. Still thank you for the critique it is something I hope to take and use moving forward.

Thank you again for the review even if it was for "Guess the Present".


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Review #8, by long_live_luna_bellatrix The Switch

8th February 2016:
Hi there! Congratulations on winning the first round of "Guess the Present"! For your superb guessing skills (seriously, I would never get any of those photos correct...) you have won two reviews! I decided to visit your WIP as I found the summary intriguing, and I thought it might be nice to get both reviews on the same story.

I have to say, this was a fantastic opening chapter. It both set up the rest of the story efficiently as well as got me totally hooked in everything going on in the moment. This feels like such a possible canon situation, for so many reasons: the need to protect the Potters, Remus' supreme loyalty to James, Dumbledore's superior magical skills... It all just fit. I was truly touched when Remus and James were talking to each other for the first time in so long. When James said that he was still counting the days, well, my heart melted. What a perfect detail to include to demonstrate how much he cared and still cares for Remus. And the fact that they need Remus to do this not only because of his defensive skills but also because of how well he knows James... Gah, it just all fit! So good! Although, now that I think about it... If the Potters were already under the Fidelius Charm, weren't they already completely isolated from the world? Who would they need to fool, besides Harry?

One thing you got spot on was Dumbledore's manner of speaking. Everything he said sounded exactly like the Dumbledore we see in the books! I know it's a small detail, but it really enhanced this chapter for me. (Plus the mention of the lemon square! Hilarious but also true to canon) Especially in stories that divulge from canon but try to do so in a believable way, grounding things in canon characterizations is so helpful. Remus and James also felt so real. Remus especially; I can totally see him taking on such a difficult role in the Order, and his descriptions of life as a werewolf were heartbreaking. They reminded me a lot of the way we hear him talk about himself in the Half-Blood Prince.

The switch itself was really well done. The descriptions of Remus felt in James' body and vice versa were so fascinating! Again, felt true to canon. It was also just so, so interesting to think about how different lives weigh differently on different people, and we probably don't even notice it, nor could we ever actually, physically understand what everyone else goes through.

The whole chapter is made that much more interesting because, as we all know, Lily and James are not going to make it. Judging from your summary, I'm guessing Remus goes down in James' place. So heartbreaking! I'm not sure if you're going to jump directly into the future or not, but I would be curious to see what it's like for Remus to live as James in the Potter house. That could be really interesting.

I think my only suggestion for this chapter pertains to the beginning. I guess I understood that Remus was pretending to be the mole and was alienated as a result, but I was less sure what he was doing in the meantime. If they didn't know who the mole was, and he became the outcast of the Order, who was he talking to? What was he doing in the werewolf community? A small amount of clarification on that matter might be helpful so that readers can ease into the story smoothly. And maybe I'm just forgetting something from canon that I'm supposed to already know.

Overall, this was an excellent first chapter, and I'm really curious to see what happens next!

- Sarah

Oh, P.S. Did you have any particular way of coming up with the name of the switching spell? I'm always curious about backstories for those, because oftentimes people have them but can never explain them in the story's text.

Author's Response: Oh wow! I wasn't expecting two reviews! I was thinking maybe one or something else like MTA questions or a profile bomb so getting two reviews is like super exciting! If smileys existed on here I would very much be inserting the super exited smiley with the big eyes. Anyway I love this review and coupled with the other it has like made my day!

I am so glad that everything fit. There is nothing I hate more sometimes than to have a story where it makes 0 sense why the characters are doing the thing they are doing. So for you to say it fits perfectly makes me really happy. Though, with your question about isolation and needing to fool another, the answer I believe will come in the 3rd chapter. While hiding there are still Order meetings and I don't think either James or Lily would want to entirely give up the fight either.

I have to say you deeply honor me with your compliments to Dumbledore! I do worry I get him wrong at times particularly now knowing that he's got some ulterior motives at times when it comes some of the things he does. Fortunately there wasn't too much that he had to push. (Also I'm glad you liked the lemon squares! It was a fun little touch I enjoyed adding.) As for Remus, you have made my heart swell with pride. Remus is my true HP joy. I feel like I have spent far too much thinking about him and what goes on in his life and how it was like for him. Though I suppose that comes with having RPed him and written him for over ten years now. So your most gracious compliments make me feel all squishy inside.

I am glad the switch translated well! You are right on Remus going down in James' place. It was something that wasn't easy to write in the later chapters. With that said I didn't jump ahead and while I know you've read chapter 2, chapter 3 we get to see Remus in James' shoes. It felt only right to show some of that and kind of help set up and remind people of canon a little bit before delving into the future too much and people going "wait what?" I think I do a fast forward of time in chapter 5 I think. I could be wrong it's one of those things that the story blurs together, I know the events that have happened but the breaks are less clear in my memory.

As for descriptions, you are not the only one who has mentioned that. Descriptions is a weak point on my writing and something I desperately need to work on. This of course includes going back and making said edits on this chapter but I kind of want to finish the story before I go back and make these edits because I can easily fall into an editing rut and never advance the story. So further edits aside from typos or simple grammar mistakes I'm kind of saving for once the story is complete. (At least that is the hope and game plan.)

With the switching spell, I invented it oh so so long ago. It is hard to say what I did. Usually what I do for spells I look at what the spell does and then search these key terms in a Latin dictionary (Google for the win here) and then combine bits and pieces of the words to make a new word that sounds good and appears pronounceable. What words I combined here I do not remember.


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Review #9, by MalfoysCarolinaGirl2010 The Switch

28th December 2015:
Hi Marshal I'm here for the Slytherin review exchange. (sorry it's so late)

I'm not the best at leaving long reviews (or any reviews for that matter) so please don't judge me too harshly for what ever I say, in my defense its after 1:00am and I'm half asleep as I type this.

I really liked what you wrote here. I think it is an interesting viewpoint you have here and a pretty original idea having Remus and James switch bodies to protect Lily and Harry.

I understand the stigma and how it was easy to accuse Remus of being a mole but I hate that he was alienated by his friends and that even James believed he was betraying them.

I imagine that this is going to be confusing for both of them and I'm looking forward to reading the next chapters too see what happens.

Peace, Love, and Tacos

Tasha

Author's Response: Tasha,

No judgments here. I'm horrible at reviews myself. I'm glad you liked the story thus far. The idea has been a fun one for me to play with. So while it was late and all I sincerely appreciate the review.

Also I love your sign off. It reminds me of a dear friend I don't get to chat with often. She's a big fan of tacos and your sign off is so something she would do.


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Review #10, by Seasons_Greetings The Ultimatum

4th December 2015:
Hello Marshal,

Here with one of three surprises from trivia!

Since I already read the first chapter of this story, I was anxious to come back and see how things had progressed.

James seems to be having a hard time with his transformation into Remus and I can understand why. It must be exhausting to be a werewolf. The squalid living conditions certainly don't help matters. If both James and Remus survive, I really hope that James will make sure Remus has better living conditions.

Rhea was quite creepy and I was honestly horrified by her proposal. How could she be so cavalier about attacking a child? I'm happy that James held out because Remus would be horrified at the thought of James attacking a child under his name. I wonder what James will do to gain acceptance into the pack. It does sound like he doesn't have many options.

Well, I must be off to continue on my mission of spreading joy and love throughout HPFF, but before I go let me wish you happy holidays!

SG

Author's Response: Thanks so much SG! Sorry it took me a while to get back to you on your review. I've been so busy as of late but I have loved all the lovely surprised you have dropped off for me!

I'm glad you liked the second chapter and it makes me giddy that you found Rhea to be a bit creepy and terrifying! It was kind of what I was going with for her. I wanted her to be caviler about attacking people much like Grey Back but more controlled. So I count it a success that she came across correctly!

I'm glad you enjoyed the read and thanks for the review!


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Review #11, by my_voice_rising The Switch

3rd December 2015:
Hello there! Here with my review.

I came for the intriguing summary (is this a story with an identity switch?? I hope so!) and I stayed for the Ewan McGregor banner. I'll leave it at that.

There are a few grammar errors, and quite a bit of sentence-cleaning that needs to happen some attention! It looks like you already have a beta reader, so I'll point a few out just to help a bit :)

"In hopes of keeping some peace and prevent those involved from pointing fingers" should say "preventing."

Also, with "mistrust and prejudice against werewolves against him," you don't need to add the "against him" in there. Readers know that he's a werewolf so it's unnecessary. In fact, you don't even need both "mistrust" and "prejudice."

You also don't have to say "wonder about and question the wolf in the pack," as wondering about something and questioning it are the same thing.

"Don on" is also redundant; to "don" means to put something on :)

"All the same he lowered his wand swallowed and took a seat in one of the chairs Dumbledore had apparently conjured up for them to sit in." Chairs are for sitting, and the word "apparently" is unnecessary because you are already describing it, so it's apparent. "All the same he lowered his wand, swallowed, and took a seat in one of the chairs Dumbledore had conjured" does the trick just fine!

You have a very nice tone that fits the mood of the story--just clearing up the extra clutter will really benefit this chapter! I have the same problem in my writing, so when editing I make a point to remove unnecessary phrases and words. It makes such a big difference, really!

Your characterization of Dumbledore is nice--he's one of the harder people to write, too. The juxtaposition of the gravity of their meeting place (I'm picturing a very dark room--but some description would be nice too!) and the lemon square is a nice touch. I particularly like when it goes very dry in Remus's mouth.

Seeing James this way is also interesting. We've heard nothing but their brotherly love in fic, so seeing their tense meeting is intriguing to say the least. And, knowing Dumbledore, there was a reason behind forcing them to meet one another after they'd had such a bad interaction the last time. You could even expand upon that, especially if you shorten some sentences and free up some length to use in the chapter. Their exchange was so brief--instead of them describing the interaction, you could use Remus's memory. Visually showing us, instead of telling us, is always good!

Some more trimming to be done: "His tone was very solemn as he continued to speak" can just say "His tone was solemn."

"assured Dumbledore, his voice steady and unchanging" is redundant, as an assuring voice is constant and comforting--you don't need the second half of the sentence.

"said James interrupting drawing Remus attention," can simply be whittled down to "interrupted James." The fic is from Remus's POV, so the reader already knows that he is paying attention.

I like Remus's line, "Knowing about it and experiencing it are two very different things." No matter how much James went through to make Remus comfortable with his condition, he never had to experience it himself, and Remus was always an island in that sense. And his relief at experiencing friendly human contact after so long without it--how sad!

Your description of Dumbledore's spell is really nice! But, again--ack!--it's crowded with too much text. "As Remus stood there he blinked and his vision shifted. As he blinked things moved from one perspective to another that he began to grow unsure of which was right and which was wrong." This is basically the same sentence twice, and really the first sentence is perfectly strong enough to stand on its own.

Oh wow!

Was the sudden unveiling that he was actually becoming James intentional? I didn't even pick up on it--maybe I was just paying too much attention to sentence structure, but I thought the whole conversation between James and Remus and Dumbledore had to do with being an Oathkeeper and keeping their location secret. But this makes much more sense.

Yay, it is an identity switch after all!

Another thing you could mention is James's vision--he is without James's corrective glasses, I'm assuming, so things would be blurrier. That bit with his sense of smell not being as acute is really interesting.

And seeing how James *finally* understands what being a werewolf is like--that is a good passage, too. The only thing is the weird switch in POV from Remus to James in that paragraph. Is the story through Remus's eyes, or is the narrator omnipotent?

This is interesting. How is Lily going to react? I'd like to have seen Remus question this, too. Her husband won't actually be her husband anymore, and they'll obviously have to continue on as they did before. This could make for a very interesting plot point, too! I'm sure it would be very difficult for her.

Hope this was helpful. It's a great idea for a story, and just needs some tweaks here and there. Thanks for asking for a review!

Good luck!

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much for this review! Seriously this is probably one of my favorite reviews ever! My jaw dropped when I saw how long it was and how amazingly detailed! Honestly while you are pointing out the bad you are pointing it out in a good way and I love it. I will be taking a lot of what you have to say to heart. I don’t know when I’ll have the time to edit this first chapter but all the same knowing the weak points in my writing helps me to do a better job of writing! So again thank you!

Now that I have my generic thanks out or the way there are a few comments here and there that I want to remark back to you on. Your fist line about the intriguing summary I’m glad that actually is working and I do not blame you for staying for the Ewan. I don’t blame you at all. I’ve always had Ewan in my head for Remus since before POA was cast, and I really have not been able to depart from the image ever since.

As for the clutter and repetition, I feel like that is my Achilles heel. I have an editor for an OF that I’ve been working on and she points out the same to me all the time. To be honest in some ways I blame Nano for the bad habit of repetition to stretch sentences out. I’ve got to work on stamping that behavior out. Course it helps to have it pointed out so again, thankyou.

I will admit that added description is on my list of things I need to look into. I’m bad at getting a mental image myself and thus the lack of image on my part translates into my writing. It is on the forefront of my mine much like the repetition issue!

Show don’t tell. You are honestly hitting on everything that I am trying so hard to work on! I appreciate it though honestly I do. The more times it’s pointed out at me the better I can work on it. Seriously as I said before I’m in love with this review.

The reveal of the switch I was not meaning to be a surprise. I’ll look and be sure that it wasn’t me and how I wrote things, but yes and identity switch is what I was aiming for indeed. As for the vision, James was wearing his glasses at the time of the switch so yes Remus would be having to adjust to corrective lenses and the smell that I mentioned. If I didn’t mention it in this chapter then chapter 3 does mention the vision thing for Remus as he has to get used to the limiting edges of frames. (Something I notice every time I get new frames my eyes has to readjust to the new shape.)

The store is supposed to be mostly through the main character’s eyes. I’ll have to look into tweaking that because POV hopping is not a good thing. I can’t explain why I did something so silly there. >.<

As for Lily, if I didn’t mention her here, she is mentioned in the third chapter. She knew what James wanted to do but she didn’t know if Remus would agree to it or not. Still I’ll look into mentioning her a bit earlier in this chapter, when I get the time to review things fully. I feel like I hardly have time to write review responses at this moment . >.<

I have gushed lots and lots about this review so I’ll stop now with one last thank you for such a wonderful and stellar review!


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Review #12, by Gabriella Hunter The Switch

1st December 2015:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums here with your review and it's nice to meet you and stuff! I don't think we've talked before this so please make sure that you stop by my review thread often! :D

This is a pretty unique idea for a story, I've seen some variations of this but they were never done so cleverly. I like that we're getting this story from Remus's POV first but I wonder if that's going to last through the rest of the story or not. I get the feeling that this might be a bit of an AU type of deal and I'm really excited.

I think that you wrote Remus really well here, he comes off as a tragic hero. I can feel his pain and understand all of the things that he's trying to do, which was another thing I liked: The bit of canon about him being the scapegoat for the Order, I thought you weaved that into this brilliantly.

Remus has been through a lot and he's constantly in war with his own body. I was wondering what would happen with his meeting with Dumbledore too but I never would have expected something like a Vicissitudo charm. Bravo for coming up with such an exciting new spell! I've never heard of it before but you made it sound like some archaic form of magic that I could totally see happening in the actual HP world.

My only thing is what will happen to Remus now that he's taken James's place. The physical differences between them and how they would handle their new lives was really fascinating to me. :D

My CC would be to go through this carefully and make sure that you're not repeating the same words over again. I think that if you smoothed out a few of your paragraphs, they wouldn't come off so choppy but other than that, I think you're off to a good start!

See you again!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Thanks Gabbie for the review. We actually have talked a wee bit. I'm the crazy person who pounced your profile page because of your Sailor Moon icon.

I shall be sure to stop by your page again though! I really enjoyed and appreciated the review. There are so many things I need to do with my story now to help make it better and improve it more but there is so little time and it is crazy. Why can't the world just stop and let me write and edit till my heart is content? (Oh and read stories as well while I'm at it!)

I'm glad you liked the start of things though! It is especially heartening that I was able to convey the charm as believable. It was something I questioned in the past but not too much as the story would not happen without it, so being re-assure helps loads!

As for the differences between them it is explored a bit more in the next two chapters which I'll probably be stopping by your thread again some time for a chapter 2 review.

Thanks again for the lovely review and sorry it has taken me as long as it has to get back to you!


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Review #13, by Kb The Transformation

1st December 2015:
This story is very very good! I love the idea that James would switch with Remus and how well you are tying it into the original story. Your writing is excellent. I hope you have more for me to read soon!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! I like hearing from people and knowing they are reading. I am hoping to get the next chapter hammered out tomorrow so you can have something more to read before the que closure.

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Review #14, by Gail Welin The Change

30th November 2015:
Hi Marshal, it's me again! ♥

I love your story and I was really looking forward to this moment in the plot! I have a few thoughts regarding the characterisation in that chapter, if you don't mind :)

Take James for example; he just found out Voldemort is dead and that means he can go back to his wife and son, in his own body, to live happily ever after! This is the news he had been waiting to hear! His reaction may be too polite considering the extreme excitement he would feel, even Remus would be overjoyed (writing that pinches my heart since he died like that; I still can't get over how much I love this body-swap twist) and saying "it's great" sounds maybe dismissing.
I love the way he finds out his son is alive - that's genius and heart-breaking at the same time. ♥
A little CC concerning the toast: To Harry! is vague, they could be toasting for a one of their buddies named Harry if they're having a party in his name; you should mention his last name :p

I think you should mention why Dumbledore's message is so cold (I'm assuming it's to not blow the cover) and also that him saying he has "some very grave new[s]" does not necessarily evoke the terrible or even dreaded fact that Lily is dead and that James thinks that already is hinted with "he dared not to think what he knew this meant." Also, the way Dumbledore delivers the news it too blunt for the usual Dumbledore. Instead of saying Dead, Im afraid, which sounds too light-hearted, I think he would feel empathy towards his loss and say "I'm sorry" (the "there was nothing we could do" kind) or something along those lines. :) Considering his words and the entire way he treats the situation, I'm very glad that James made him bleed! :D

The five stages of grief start with denial, then anger then comes bargaining and depression and finally, acceptance. Of course, not everybody react the same way and it's impossible to put a stamp on grief.
Here, I feel like James skipped openly grieving Lily or even stopped to think "what went wrong with the plan?" and ask what broke the Charm and what happened to Sirius - he skipped it all to focus on Harry. Which I love considering his paternal instinct and how much more it hurts when Dumbledore tells him he has to live on as Remus and let Harry live with the Dursleys.

I really love the painfully twisted direction this story is headed towards. I am re-thinking all I know about Remus and every time I think "wow, imagine that's actually James speaking", I feel even sadder for him and Harry. And then I think of Tonks and Teddy and hope Harry never finds out :o (but what a turn of even that'd be, I'd read that!!)
I feel even sadder already for James, considering the guilt he will have to live on with the guilt of knowing Remus died in his place. Seriously, your plot is a very heart-wrenching one. ♥

*Gee

PS: I'm sorry I rambled on for so long when you didn't even ask me too, I might have gotten carried away and over-thought a few things or two ^^'

Author's Response: Gee,

You are free to ramble as much as you like in your reviews for me. Ramble as much or as little as you care to. I'm just glad to hear that you are enjoying the story!

Yeah, the emotions and yet keeping James where he needed to be were difficult to juggle so I'll look at things eventually and see what tweaks can be made. you are right on the toast I should add a Potter at the end. I didn't even think of that clearly! Nice catch.

As to Dumbledore, I think I might have been channeling my Dumbldore is technically a jerk vibes in this chapter more than I should have. Also I think he was trying to be gentle but quick with things. Sort of like a adhesive bandage. You don't want to take it off slow but a tearing jerk can be almost as painful and he was trying to go for that in between be soothing and yet slap him in the face with the truth.

As for Tonks and Teddy the idea for this story originally hatched before we knew about them so I don't know if I'll be going as far as telling that story with James or not, I have considered it but we'll see what my muse decides once we get through this book. I still have much of the story to go. (I've only written up to a third of POA with this story.)

Anyway thanks for the lovely review as always Gee!


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Review #15, by Gail Welin The Plan

30th November 2015:
Hi Marshal!

I'm finally back for more :)

This chapter was great for the plot progression and I'm glad we got to hear Lily's opinion on the whole thing.

Remus seems oddly comfortable being James (speaking as him, for example, or responding to being called 'Prongs' so naturally) even if that means lying to Sirius and I feel the fact that he's lying to Sirius may actually even wake some schadenfreude in him, since Remus still has unresolved issues with him.

I love how they'd still behave like teens around Moody - the echo of their rebellious shenanigans at Hogwarts :D
Also, I really like the small detail about Moody just having gotten his magical eye!
And I love that Remus almost knocked on the door; force of habits really do die hard :p

It is outrageous that Lily has been kept in the dark so much she doesn't even know if the James walking in is her husband or Remus - she didn't have a say in this at all. I'm totally on her side; she should kick James' butt for doing this to her and baby Harry.
I love that you mention right off the bat that Remus isn't romantically interested in Lily!

The way this chapter ended made me realise this is going to be sad. So sad. (I'm looking forward to it, haha :p ) A part of me is really hoping the body swap will have repercussions on the future and maybe even change it for the best (though a tiny voice inside my head keeps saying "yeah, fat chance" and laughs at me).

*Gee

Author's Response: Gee,

Again I hate how long it is taking me to get back to you. Every review you have left for me has seriously made me smile.

I'll double check Remus' reactions to things when I get a chance I tried to play him assuming the role as he had to but still feeling uncomfortable and it seems like his discomfort did not translate as well as I would have liked.

As for Lily, she knew that what James was wanting to do but she had hoped that Remus would refuse. Maybe that concept wasn't clear. James being who he is, would act despite the wishes of his wife if it was to protect his family.

I am glad that you are enjoying the read though. I've had fun writing it though I cannot express how many times I've lamented to Alexis how annoying James is because he doesn't make writing this easy.


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Review #16, by Gail Welin The Ultimatum

16th November 2015:
Hi Marshal!

I love that you mention that James is suffering from enhanced senses and has a super-sensitive nose (I feel stupid for mentioning that in my review for the previous chapter ^^' it's much better that you mention it in the second chapter!).

The nightmares James is having are terrible, I pity him so much. Are those manifestations of the beast or worries James' subconscious is working on?

Oh wow, what a tricky situation. Rhea oozes trouble on so many levels, it's terrifying. She'll test James' loyalty to himself and to Lily without even knowing it, as she sees Remus. And I wonder, would the real Remus, who has so much less to lose in retrospect, choose to bite someone so as to maintain his cover and not fail the Order?
And if James follows through, who will his victim be?!

James is now playing the role of the traitor he thought Remus was. This is just riveting. I love it!

I have a little bit of CC concerning the descriptions in this chapter; you could definitely describe the way Rhea's dwelling looks like from the outside as well as the inside. And Remus' hovel, what does he sleep on? It could be the floor or a dirty sheet or even a piece of cardboard. James is already surprised by the new environment, it's probably quite a shock to have to go from living in a house with his wife and son to being a werewolf living in terrible conditions, surrounded by other werewolves each worse than the other :/

This chapter has a much quicker pace. I'm very much intrigued by the plot progression. I love that you changed the POV from Remus to James for this chapter. I really want to read on!

*Gee

Author's Response: Gee!

I meant to respond to this review sooner but time just got away from me! Sorry for the wait! (and here you've left me more lovely reviews which I love and shall get to hopefully soon!)

For James' dreams it is honestly a little bit of both. His subconscious is working on those worries and the beast is magnifying them and making it worse.

As for the ultimatum to bite someone... I've had the situation and the answer to it in my head for years. I don't know if I'll get to answering that question in this story or not. I do know that in my head that this ultimatum is always presented to Remus weather it be James or Remus or any other person in Remus shoes acting as Remus. As for the willingness to bite someone both men are vehemently opposed to it but I promise I have a solution and it will get written one way or another, if not here then in a Remus fic that plays in my head or a one shot if all else fails.

As for your CC I don't know if I'll go back and try to include descriptions but I have taken what you have said to heart. I am trying to keep in mind that I need to visually describe things. I've talked with other writers and it was concluded that I probably skip a lot of describing opportunities because I don't often get visual pictures when reading or writing. But in future endeavors particularly my original fiction I'm going to see about getting more descriptive on the visual, and find the balance between painting a picture and keeping the emotions right where I want them!

Thanks again for such a lovely review!


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Review #17, by Gail Welin The Switch

16th November 2015:
Hi Marshal!

I really like Remus and never read enough of him! This is going to change!
I must admit I'm tired and it took me a while to understand the time this plays in. The story era is "Hogwarts", so I got confused with Remus being the "bad egg" considering Sirius and Peter as discovered later on. ^^'

Oh, yes, dangerous times... One could never know... I really like that they ask each other about their last interactions.

I really liked the bit about the lemon square suddenly feeling dry in Remus's mouth because surprise, awkwardness or fear would stimulate a dry mouth. If you don't mind my opinion on this tiny detail, I think you could stipulate Remus being too shocked to swallow or even have the bit come as soon as James shows up; because Remus speaks with a full mouth otherwise.

I love your vocabulary; "pressing his fingers together in the form a steeple" is just painting a perfect picture ♥

I love the idea of the Vicissitudo charm, it's a genius move, Marshal! I really loved the way you brought forth this wonderful charm of yours, it was very vivid! And you could definitely expand your descriptions of the way James and Remus now feel as the other! Like the glasses James wear - Remus could take them off and put them back on. Or your brilliant mention of the different sensitivity to smells is so good, you could use it again from James's perspective!

I love that you differentiate the ways James runs a hand through his hair, the different feelings the gesture expresses. It's perfect that Remus notices that.

A small typo here with "fine" Ill be find, Moony, ;)

Wow, you have no idea how relieved I was Lily was already aware of the plan! Imagine the horrible confusion of having to explain it to her after the body swap. :/

A great read so far, I can't wait to read on! The plot is incredibly interesting already and I wonder: is this going to change the whole course of Potter history as we know it or is Remus going to die as James and the latter lives on to marry Tonks and die without ever telling Harry?? I would read both and even a third option! :D

Second chapter, here I come!

*Gee

Author's Response: Gee,

I am finally getting back to you! I have loved this review and your other one so much and they have massively put me beyond words so many times I don't what to say.

I had fun writing the scene of their last interactions it was indicative of the times and a nice way to kind of lay the ground work for what had brought them to the point that they were at in some ways.

As for the lemon square, I'll have to look at that again. I think I was trying to avoid laundry listing every action by the characters but still nice catch and I'll be sure to look at it!

As for the differing perspectives I admit that there feels to be a million and one ways to play with the differences between the men. As you saw in the next chapter I played with it a bit with James and I do some with Remus in the subsequent chapter a bit, I just didn't want the differences to be the focus of the story and the visuals did play on my mine what sight would be like for both men but my words so failed me and it was easier to differentiate with smell.

I'm glad you have enjoyed the story thus far. I am planning on keeping things very cannon, that has always been my intent with this story to tell it cannon but with a new twist. Of course, my James muse wants to gallivant off in a wholly different direction and forget canon but I'm working it out.

As for where the story will end I've been debating this and also where canon might finally 'break' per say.

And that typo! Ack! I had found it early on and I swear I fixed it! Why does that typo hate me? Okay I'm being dramatic but any other typo I would not be annoyed by but that one it mocks me as I know I fixed it! Thank you for pointing it out. I shall go fix that ASAP!


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Review #18, by adluvshp The Switch

7th November 2015:
Hey =)

Wow, this was a very interesting first chapter. I absolutely love your plot idea. It's very unique. The idea of Remus and James switching places is surely an interesting one. I am wondering if this means Remus will die in James' place, and it'll be James who actually continues to live as Remus for the remainder of his life. And of course, it'll be intriguing to see how far this follows canon events and how it all ties in.

All in all, a very well-written first chapter. It had the right amount of dialogues and descriptions for me to get engaged. The conversation between James and Remus was also nicely done - their friendship showed. Dumbledore was written well too, and I liked how he's the one orchestrating these events. It made sense.

I'm highly curious to know how the story progresses and what new turns it takes. So far, it looks amazing! Great job! Glad I could stop by =)

Cheers,
Angie
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Thank you for the awesome review Angie! The idea is a fun one to play with I'm glad you liked the story and descriptions. I feel like descriptions is a weak point in my writing so you saying that they were good made me smile.

You are right about the James and Remus switch. I hope you enjoy reading further when you do.

-Marshal


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Review #19, by Lola The Boggart

1st November 2015:
Wow two updates so close together?! I'm very happy to see it! 😃 I'm really loving your twist on the canon story, it's really well written too. Great job- 10/10!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review. Some of the speed of updates has to be credited to our fabulous validators as they have been knocking things out of the park. I'm currently working on chapter 9 and hope to get it in the que soon! I'm glad you are enjoying the story thus far - it has been a lot of fun to think about and write.

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Review #20, by Seasons_Greetings The Switch

12th October 2015:
Hello Marshal!

My name is SeasonsGreetings and I'm here from now until the New Year spreading love and joy across HPFF. After reading your blog about why you love Remus, I thought it'd be a good idea to come by and read one of your stories about him.

The concept of James and Remus switching places really has me curious. Does this mean that Remus dies in James place? If that's the case, once Voldemort is defeated, how come Dumbledore and James don't just tell Harry the truth? I'm sure that will all be answered in the upcoming chapters though.

I never gave much in depth thought to the way that Remus struggles as a werewolf. I mean, I know he had a sad life, but the way you highlight his physical problems really makes him come to life. I felt quite a bit of sympathy for him. I wonder if James will be able to handle it.

I thought you did a good job of writing Dumbledore. He's always very vague when giving out information and the way you wrote his dialogue captured that quite well.

I'll end this here by wishing you a Happy Holiday Season!

Cheers.

SG

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review SG! It was a super pleasant surprise to refresh the page and see that I had a review.

You are right about who dies and about your questions being answered in the coming chapters. Remus' burden isn't an easy one to bare but we oddly end up many times having the grace to handle things we never thought we could because it is necessary we handle those things.

I'm really glad that I was able to exude the characters well. I sometimes question and wonder if I am portraying them true to life. Thanks again for the review!


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Review #21, by Rumpelstiltskin The Switch

3rd October 2015:
Hey, Marshal!

A story about Remus? I love Remus!

In the wake of the war, especially with the werewolf prejudices staked against him, I'd imagine that Remus would be made to feel alone. I think you've done a great job exemplifying that via his characterization, making him feel isolated from even his friends.

That constant fear of an enemy disguising themselves as someone who could otherwise be trusted would have been a tremendous threat during the war. Using Remus' trepidation like you have, where he even isn't sure if he can trust Dumbledore to be Dumbledore, was a clever example of this. I also appreciate the continuation of cannon questioning as proof against such subterfuge. Kudos!

"He doubted that he could ever have back the friendships he once had." -Congratulations, you've broken my heart in six paragraphs. I have a love/hate relationship with this particular part of the war; there are so many, many tragedies, but the appeal of the era is so very, very strong. The Marauders had such a tightly knitted friendship, and this is the era when that all shatters. Oh dear, there go my feels again :(.

Anyway (I promised myself that you wouldn't see all of my crazy upon my first review, so we'll move forward).

The exchange between Remus and James was brilliant. I love that you used that question-system as a method to not only bring in the back story of what happened between the pair, but it also created some excellent dialogue. I can't entirely blame James for thinking ill of his friend -- he has a family to protect, and there's an army of evil after him. At the same time, I do feel bad for Remus -- he's only doing what the Order needs of him.

Ah, conflict. You've wielded it wisely.

The Vicissitudo charm, that's where things took an interesting twist. I don't think I've read anything else with this concept. I like it. I like it a lot. If Remus is more skilled than James, than it definitely makes sense to have him there protecting Lily and Harry.

I can definitely see James having a bit of a difficult time adjusting to Remus' worn body, too.

I could only find a little bit of CC for you, but I tried my best:

The first thing was the spelling of "Mooney". In the books, it was spelled "Moony" (though I can't say with any certainty that that wasn't altered in different versions for different languages -- if that's the case, ignore me). That was nothing, though, I almost didn't catch it.

The second, and last, thing that I saw only stood out to me because it's something that I need to work on with my own writing. Sometimes, more often in large chunks of text where there is no dialogue or action, some of the sentences get a bit wordy.

For example, "Honestly even in the Order, even among his own friends there was mistrust and prejudice against werewolves against him."

It's just a little wordy, and can easily be slowed down with punctuation without having to eliminate anything. Ex: "Honestly even in the Order--even among his own friends--there was mistrust and prejudice against werewolves, against him." Or something like that.

Otherwise, your writing seems pretty tight, and I had an awesome time reading it. I think the plot so far is unique and my interest is piqued. This is something I'd definitely continue reading. I definitely want to find out what happens now that Remus has taken James' place in hiding!

Great job, and thanks for the swap! :D

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Rumpel,

Sorry it has taken me so long to get back you you. I figure an awesome review like yours deserved an equally awesome response. Sadly I don't know if I have the skill sets to live up to that, but I am going to try.

First I want to thank you for your most gracious compliments. Remus is a favorite character of mine and I have always thought that he would be a scape goat considering how clear it is that the friendships were broken to some degree in canon.

I'm glad I succesfully evoked the right emotion and was able to paint a clear picture. That was important to me. I wrote this story several years back and honestly I didn't have the questioning scene and the back story was presented in a flash back - I like the questioning better and it felt right - I'm glad it translated well.

I was over all worried I hadn't successfully written this well. To be honest I even posted this pre-beta and the beta'd chapter has not been approved yet. So with the Mooney vs. Moony that has been fixed and I think I tightened up some of the rambling as well as a few other things. To be told that my writing is 'tight' literally made my day. I'm still riding high on it a day later.

Thank you so much again for the review!


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Review #22, by ABlack The Ultimatum

22nd September 2015:
Overall, I have to say this was a great chapter. I love that you decided to explore the daily challenges Remus faces with his werewolf half from James perspective. It serves double duty, allowing us not only to experience it first hand, but also gives James further reason to appreciate and respect what his friend goes through.

Great point touching on the enhanced senses, particularly the sense of smell. Overwhelming is exactly how I would imagine it to be for James.

And can I admit I really liked Rhea, the alpha female? The I wont bite much line nailed it for me. Shes dangerous in all the right ways. So good when she trailed her hands across Remus/James shoulder. Poor James, married man that he is, he couldnt have anticipated this when he asked to have the switching spell used.

What a wicked dilemma you have James finding himself in. Infect an innocent child or perhaps betray his wedding vows and sleep with Rhea? I cant wait to see where youre taking this.

Author's Response: Thanks. Remus is my passion, I've been writing him for about 10 years now and through the years I have learned a lot from and about the character. I'm glad you liked Rhea, she was a lot of fun to write.

As I was writing her, I realized plot concepts down the road that I had never considered before. Of course, that is much later down the road. I have lot of things to cover before I get back to Rhea.

Thanks for the lovely review! I'm hoping chapter 3 might make an appearance soon enough though I should work on writing more as I only have 4 chapters written thus far.


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Review #23, by carry on with your knitting The Switch

20th September 2015:
This is a really interesting concept!
I thought you portrayed Remus brilliantly, especially with his inner struggles and the hard life he has had. It was heart breaking that he has had to seperate from his friends for thier safety! And to catch the real traitor! Poor guy, I just want to give him a hug!
I also really liked the way you wrote dumbledore speaking, it was spot on!
I'm very excited to read more of this story, I wonder if this means that it was really Remus that died that night and not James? Because that would be an awesome twist and something really unique!

The only thing that I thought could be improved, was to put a few commas in in a few places, but other then that it was great! :)

I would definitely suggest getting a banner from TDA because then your story will catch people's eye when they are looking through the searches :)

I look forward to reading more!

Katie :)

Author's Response: Thank you! You have caught onto the plan. I am glad I was able to write Dumbledore well. He was a concern of mine. I have updated the punctuation some and I have that sitting in the que right now.

Thanks also for the suggestion for a banner, I was thinking I need to do that but first I need to figure out what pictures I want to submit in the request.


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Review #24, by ABlack The Switch

20th September 2015:
Hello Marshal!

What a wonderful start to your story. Remus is one of my favorite characters and I love how you take such pains to reveal the internal battle he wages with the wolf within him.

The idea of the Vicissitudo charm is interesting. Hopefully you show how well (or not) James handles the full burden of being a werewolf in the upcoming chapter. Can't wait to read it.

~Alexis

Author's Response: Thanks! I will admit that Remus is my all time favorite character. I feel like in a lot of ways I've been writing him for ages.

I'm glad you like what I've written so far and the next chapter does focus on James and is currently in que.


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