Reading Reviews for House of Stone
  
28 Reviews Found

Review #1, by nott theodore Prologue

27th April 2017:
CTF Jailbreak Review

Hi!

Wow, this was a really powerful and effective start to the story! I'm not sure what I was expecting when I began reading this, but for a prologue you've done an incredible job, because I'm definitely hooked as it is and I really want to read on and find out what's going to happen next.

Also, I have to say that you have done something that is pretty rare in stories like this one - you've actually made me feel sorry for Lucius Malfoy. Draco is a character I have more sympathy with, given that he's younger when all of this begins, but Lucius is usually another matter entirely. Still, seeing him suffer so much and being clearly so terrified - not only of what Voldemort was going to do to him, but what he was going to do to his family - actually made me feel sorry for him.

Your characterisation of Voldemort was spot on in this. I don't think that he's an easy character to write, but you captured him perfectly - every single action of his, every time he moved, just felt so sinister and menacing. He had such a power in this prologue and it's easy to see why so many people are afraid of him and how he imposes his will on so many. That last line was great as well - it fits brilliantly with his character and was really chilling!

Sian :)

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Review #2, by melian Prologue

27th April 2017:
Wow. That was intense.

You don't see a lot of chapters from Voldemort's perspective in fan fiction. I'm not sure why that is, but perhaps it's because his mind is so warped it's too hard to get into. I can understand that. Sometimes it's not possible to get into the heads of your characters. But you've done a really good job with getting into the mind of the man who was once Tom Riddle. (I say once, because he's not really human anymore, is he?) YOu've got the coldness, the dispassionate nature, the calculation and the lack of emotion absoultely down pat. Well done!

I think I've read a few one-shots where Draco is branded with the Dark Mark, and certainly some where he's given the task to kill Dumbledore. But, again, always from Draco's point of view. I think that's what makes this one stick in my mind so much, becuase it's a persepctive we so rarely see. But we have all the other elements here - the humiliation of his father, the weight of responsiblity falling on Draco's shoulders, as now he alone can restore the family name. (I do wonder at Narcissa not being called upon, to be honest, as we know Voldemort isn't particularly sexist, with his unofficial deputisation of Bellatrix, but I'll ignore that for now. Let's leave it as Draco knows he has to rescue the Malfoy name.)It's a heavy load for a sixteen year old, but he knows what he's signing up for. He may not agree with it all, b ut he has to do it. And Voldemort knows that, and it shines through. That's really well done.

Great chatper!
cheers Mel

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Review #3, by dreamgazer220 Tryouts on Saturday!

5th April 2017:
Hey there :)

So I'm officially caught up with this story now - yay! I like reading fic for fun again and not because I have a review thread.

I know you struggled for a bit with this chapter, but rest assured that it doesn't show in the writing. You did another great job of filling up the time, although apart from Piper being tired, I feel like she would be slightly more preoccupied with the Black family business. Although I suppose that's why she was distracted in Quidditch.

I know Piper's awkward, but I wish Terry would get the hint. I feel like she's just not really that into him :P

Tbh, I totally forgot about the Ron thing, which means that you should try to update this story more regularly. So that I don't forget things, obviously. Duh. Why else would you update?!

Anyway, another great chapter! I liked your subtle hints of Dean and Ginny to keep it close to canon and everything with Snape being the DADA professor. Interesting how the books help us expand our own universes.

Lovely work as always!



Author's Response: Piper IS preoccupied. It's part of the Black family business that she doesn't want to do quidditch. (There was no being distracted, she did that crap on purpose, lol.) However, it's also the first day of school and she's got everyone coming at her from all sides- boyfriend, Ginny's questions, homework, Cho, more homework. The only person not demanding something from her is Luna. There will be more in the next chapter, but for this one, she was trying to forget one overwhelming thing for another.

I'm so excited for the Ron and Harry catch Dean and Ginny making out scene, you have no friggin idea!

-Liz


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Review #4, by dreamgazer220 Late Night Scribbles

4th April 2017:
Hello dear! I'm sorry that I seemed to have neglected this story for so long. I might have time to read chapter 12 today before I go, but:

I liked what you did here. I liked how you had Piper writing down her thoughts, trying to make sense of it all. It's a tactic I very rarely see in fics these days, but it makes so much sense and is realistic. Especially if she doesn't really have anyone she can talk to, who is she going to tell? It's also a great way of not bogging your readers down with an info dump and breaking up the structure of the story a bit.

Great job with this ♥

Author's Response: Are you kidding? Do you know how long it's been since I read HS for reviewing instead of beta'ing? #waytoofarbehindonlifeandeverything

I really had no other idea of how to do this and it seemed to make more sense to me to skip her groggily going through her day and just summarize. Literally.

Thanks, love! You know I love your company!

-Liz


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Review #5, by dreamgazer220 The End of Summer (and Secrets)

4th April 2017:
BOOM THERE IT IS! ♥

Oh hai. I knew you wouldn't be able to wait long before posting this chapter, but I'm glad you did!

And it's nice to see Piper interacting with her parents, demanding answers, and actually getting answers. It will definitely keep moving the plot along and I'm sure more things will start to unfold once she gets back to school.

I think you did a good job with handling all the information. It was an infodump, but it didn't really feel like one. I liked the Mom/Piper scene, Piper snooping around in her dad's office... now that we know who her dad is, it's kind of hilarious to picture him as a stuffy lawyer. I'm glad he got off his you-know-what enough to give her the answers that she deserves, though it's definitely going to be interesting to see how she processes all of the information and the answers, and how she's going to react to not just the Malfoy boy, but the Weasleys as well. Interesting that she decided to confess that she has a crush on Ron... heh.

But I'm glad you gave us some normal family interactions! Yay for children getting along with their parents, something that I feel like is rarely seen in fics. And I wonder how Morgan is going to react to this, if she ever finds out...

Also, I LOLed at "Who is Padfoot?" Piper had such great, teenage reactions to everything.

Excellent chapter!

♥Jill

Author's Response: SUCH AN INFO DUMP! Remember how she didn't find out until the very END in the original? Yeah, no, I couldn't do it this time. The family dynamics are so different now! Piper and Morgan actually get along... Sort of... Jake and Piper are almost talking to each other... Sort of... Dad isn't ridiculously distant...
SHE DIDN'T SAY IT WAS RON! But I had to point out the relation, hahaha. Actually, Victoire and Teddy are distantly related, too! Mwahahaha, Black Family Tree KNOWLEDGE! (Note that he told her it'll be okay- they're far enough away! XD)
Rarely seen in fics, eh? I like hearing that! Piper's family is rather integral to the story. I don't know if Morgan will be told any time soon (she's not at rebellious as Piper... >.>)
SHE HAD TO ASK! XD
Thanks, dear!
-Liz


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Review #6, by dreamgazer220 Love and Lies

4th April 2017:
Sneaking in here with review tag♥

You already know my vague thoughts on the Piper/Dad scene, but I'm glad we had one. It felt necessary - and not just because she was defying him with inviting Terry over to stay, but because of everything that had been revealed in the chapter as well. I'm glad that her dad was finally honest with her about certain things, and although he didn't say a name, it's a very big clue on who he is ;) Er... spoiler? But not. And as I've said before, I thought the transition between "ANGRY FIGHT SCENE" to awkward scene talking about boys was cute. It felt like it was a necessary moment for their relationship. You're not going to do bad things to her dad, are you? ARE YOU?!

And the scene with Jake was cute, too. It took me a minute to realize why he was asking a security question until I remembered that she'd been gone for a few weeks. Whoops.

Hmmm... Terry and Morgan get along better than Terry and Piper, hmmm... *eye shift*

I'm glad that Piper is beginning to enjoy being with Terry. It doesn't feel so awkwardly forced her. And TERRY IS MOVING WAY TOO FAST WITH THE 'L' WORD! I think it would've helped if we saw a scene with them as friends before they got together, but. yeahhh. I don't really like them. I don't ship them.

Also, did Morgan REALLY get a rash or did she just not like the person she saw in the locket? :D

Great chapter!

♥Jill

Author's Response: It was unexpected. Piper became rather rebellious as the summer progressed and I think it may have been sparked by Ron and then just transferred to her Dad... XD You read the original story... His plot ends the same... So don't tell.
Yeah, her and Jake weren't supposed to make up until later, but this was too perfect a scene to pass up.


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Review #7, by dreamgazer220 To Market, To Market, and Home Again

4th April 2017:
♥ Tag ♥

Of course Ron and Piper are going to be super awkward after the kiss. Ron is an awkward individual and I would expect no less than either of them, but I'm glad that they seemed to momentarily get over it to help Harry celebrate his birthday. And also, nice ties into canon there to keep us up with the timeline. The car ride seemed a bit much, even for him, at least in the beginning. But, ah, sometimes Ron is annoying like that.

Also, lol Ginny. I like that your version of her is much, erm... lighter? (;)) than my version, but it fits the story. And she's definitely one to be friends with the boys and I can definitely see her not really having a best girl friend, so I'm glad that she and Piper determined that. It was super cute, too.

Aww, nice appearance of Remus!

IS PIPER ACTUALLY EXCITED TO SEE TERRY?! YOU MEAN SHE ACTUALLY LIKES HIM?! YAY! Because it's sort of felt like she didn't have a say in the relationship before, maybe even how they got together, but here she is finally acting like she likes him and that he isn't an inconvenience. Maybe she was just adjusting? Is she inviting him over for a SLEEPOVER?! My, my, Piper Stone, I don't know what's gotten into you but I like it.

DO I KNOW WHO THE WOMAN IS? I DON'T THINK I KNOW WHO THE WOMAN IS!!

(Nice shout-out to James, btw, and Fremily!! I forgot about that one!

Great chapter! Write more soon! ♥♥

Author's Response: Hehehe, I've always seen Ron as a bit of a sore loser. Good thing the joke shop was there to distract him!
I LOVE GINNY! I can't wait to put her in more- she's so feisty in the books and it's so much fun to play off of that.
Remus is


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Review #8, by dreamgazer220 Feathers and Mudpies

4th April 2017:
**From AO3**

Hello! See I didn't forget about you :D

I really like the balance that you're doing here. It's nice to see Piper becoming comfortable with the Golden Trio. It doesn't happen over night, but over a series of nights, and I think that's realistic. Plus, it's summer, so it's good to see everyone somewhat relaxed.

Ginny dressing Piper up is hilarious. It's not something I see in my headcanon of Ginny, but it does make sense. She's never really been able to interact with other girls (I don't count Hermione and I don't think she and Luna are that close), so having Piper around must be fun for her. And same with Piper; I don't see either of them being particularly girly, but it's probably fun to be around a girl their own age.

The mudfight was super cute and it reminded me of the original draft :D And the pillowfight. So much cuteness and I'm worried when the next shoe will drop.

RON AND PIPER KISSED WAT. But I loves it, of course I do. ALL THE ANGST AND THE WTFNESS!

Great chapter, dear! Looking forward to the next.

♥Jill

Author's Response: Secretly, every girl wants to be a girl, I think. Ginny and Piper bonded and Ginny is going to exploit her until the end to make her summer more interesting. Plus it's fun. XD
I couldn't leave out the mudfight and the pillowfight! It's just not how it's DONE! ^_^ But I like the way they happen now, much more natural than the original draft.
YES THEY DID I'M NOT SURE WHAT I WAS THINKING. >.>
Thank you! I knew you didn't forget about me!


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Review #9, by dreamgazer220 Not The 'Cute' One

4th April 2017:
Cross posting reviews!

HAI LIZ!

I liked this chapter. It was nice and lighthearded, which I felt was necessary after the last chapter and it kept the humorous aspect of it. I think that'll be important to hold onto as things move along.

I loved Piper overhearing the gossiping Golden Trio in the morning after waking up. It seemed perfectly in character, and I loved that Harry was trying to have them be more respectful because they're kind of friends. I also loved how it was so teenager-y, if that makes sense. Like, someone new is here and here's all the things we know about her!

Hahaha, Piper's confusion about Fleur being around is so great. But I thought it was a brilliant way to tie her into canon, so to speak, by having her remember Fleur from being a champion. It made a lot of sense to me. And Fleur's character was great. Excellent characterization - actually, excellent characterization for everyone here. Piper's sense of humor is the best.

And Ginny! I loved her conversation with Piper, and I love that it gave Piper a reason/excuse to get excited about her boyfriend. She hasn't seemed too happy about being with Terry thus far, so it was good to see her acting like, well, a girl. You did a fantastic job of having everyone act their age in this chapter and it was wonderful.

Another great chapter, dear! Can't wait for the next :D



Author's Response: Piper has to maintain a sense of humor or she and Ginny will kill all the people. ALL THE PEOPLE! With this story more than any other (and really, with any novel-length story more than any other) I have to keep the lightness in it because the darkness is a lot and I know it is and there has to be some light or my characters would change way too drastically by the end, and not in a good way.
(P.S. I love Ginny, too. I sooo want to work on her one-shot!)
Thank you for reading, my lovely. I know I've stopped sending you full chapters recently, but I want you to be surprised, lol. But that's why I send you snippets I'm not sure about.


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Review #10, by IchigoPan The End of Summer (and Secrets)

16th September 2016:
It's been a while since I've read a story with a cliffhanger, and such a cruel one at that!! Augh why you do dis! (claws at cheeks) The mother-daughter conversation was quite interesting and very insightful. And one can assume Piper's dad took his mom's last name upon marrying for their safety as well?

I impatiently await the next chapter and will devour it like my last meal upon your future posting.
It's soon, right? RIGHT?!

Author's Response: I've been working on challenges (that I should stop signing up for) so I don't know when the next chapter will be. I'm getting more and more into book-aligned scenes and those are the WORST to muddle through. And actually, the whole family was simply renamed to help with the hiding. This isn't revealed yet (but it's not a big plot point), but Piper's mom's name is Christina Holloway. And I totally pulled most of their names from witchy pop culture, haha. Except Jake. I just love the name Jacob. ^_^

I'm glad you like it so far! Hopefully you won't kill me at the end! Or during the sequel... Or any of the planned interim one-shots between this and the sequel... *ahem* What?

Thanks for stopping by!
-Liz


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Review #11, by IchigoPan Prologue

10th September 2016:
BvB Review!

I didn't realize I had held my breath reading this first chapter. Voldemort's presence'll do that to you.

You have beautifully captured the haunting and terrifying existence that is the Dark Lord in this prologue. And the reaction of the Malfoy men was sheer perfection. From Lucius' cowardly and meek responses to Draco's need to prove himself, this is a great start to the story.

Ahmahgawd, what happens next?! (palms at face dramatically)

- ichigo ^_^

Author's Response: Daww, thanks! It is rather terrifying to write from a Voldemort POV and I'm already flirting with the idea of doing it again!

You have to read to find out, silly! Thanks for stopping by!
-Liz


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Review #12, by mymischiefmanaged Prologue

10th September 2016:
Hi! I'm here from review tag. I'm excited about this story because it doesn't seem like anything I've read before. Writing this review as I read so hope it makes sense...

I like that you've started in Voldemort's POV. I don't know whether you're going to stick with him or not but at the moment it feels like a very original opening. And I feel like your writing style matches the character you're writing from, so you sound quite detached and distant and it's very effective.

It's really heartbreaking how Voldemort tries to turn Draco against his father. I think it fits quite well into the image of Lucius and Narcissa searching for Draco in the battle of Hogwarts instead of fighting. They care so much about his wellbeing and about what he thinks of them. By showing Draco his father's weaknesses, Voldemort is punishing Lucius.

And then Voldemort praising Draco feels horribly sinister. Draco has been raised to value Voldemort's admiration but as readers we can see how wrong it is. He's being manipulated into completing a task he doesn't understand.

Fantastic first chapter! I'm looking forward to seeing what comes next :)


Emma xx

Author's Response: Well, I wouldn't go so far as to say it won't be like anything you've ever read before because there are definitely a few familiar tropes and clichés running rampant in this story. Hopefully, though, if I'm lucky, they will come across as a fresh take!

This is still my favorite part of the story because it took a lot to climb into Voldemort's head and not come out a raving psychopath. I was really nervous about it, but a lot of people approve, so I feel like I've done my job.

Thank you for starting this story- it is my baby. I hope to see you around again and I hope you like what comes next!
-Liz


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Review #13, by Anonymous The End of Summer (and Secrets)

10th September 2016:
Great characterization - just binge-read all of the chapters in 2 hours. Keep going!

Author's Response: Hahaha, omg your poor eyes! More will come, I promise, I just don't know how fast. I am signed up for a couple challenge fics that I'm working on now, but HoS is my main story and the basis for most of my story universe, so it will not be forgotten or abandoned! Thank you for reading!
-Liz


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Review #14, by celticbard Prologue

13th August 2016:
Hello SilverMoonFairy,
This was a great beginning to what promises to be a very cool story! First off, let me just say that your characterization was spot on. Very good, indeed. Voldemort in particular, I think, exhibited that same cool, detached evil that made him so chilling in the books. The Malfoys were also very well-writtenLucius wavering, as usual, Draco eager to prove himself. I very much liked the little look Draco exchanged with his father, the look of disgust. I think it speaks volumes as to how dedicated Draco is to the cause in this fic. The fact that he would so openly express his dislike for his father's behavior really shows (and of course, showing is much better than telling!) how different Lucius is from his son and how this war, like all wars, has splintered their family in a dangerous way. Also, I wanted to mention Voldemort's dialogue. It was very crisp, expressive and well-written. Voldemort strikes me as a character who wouldn't want to waste words and he certainly doesn't in this opening chapter. He says only what is necessary, and reserves his true thoughts for Nagini alone. :)

If I absolutely had to criticize anything in this chapter (and I'm just nitpicking here), it would be your opening sentence. It read a little bit rough, repeating the word dark twice, while also including the word black. I think it probably could be strengthened to better catch the reader's attention and create mood without using the dark twice.

Again, I'm really glad I was able to read this opening chapter and I look forward to reading more. Great job!

Best,
celticbard

Author's Response: Kahlessi, you honor me with your review! *bows*

I thank you for your kind words. I was actually very excited for the responses I've been getting for this prologue and I'm glad you enjoyed it! The opening line was difficult, as it always is. I still haven't found a way to reword it, but when I do, I'll see if you like it better.

Thank you very much!
-Liz


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Review #15, by UnluckyStar57 Privet Drive Lights

21st July 2016:
Hi Liz! I'm sort of reviving the BvB while we have a few more days left. :D

So it's been a while since I read this story, but it has not lost any of its intrigue. I'll get to that later.

What I wanted to comment on first of all is that I enjoyed the foreshadowing on Terry and Piper's budding relationship. Terry seems nice (if aggressive around Harry), and the dates that they went on seem nice, but something tells me that they aren't going to last. And that's because Piper is still feeling uncomfortable with the physical affection that Terry has suddenly decided to bestow upon her. Like, I get it. You work your way up to these things, especially if it's your first relationship. (This coming from the girl who didn't get her first kiss until after six months of dating the same guy, lol.) But she doesn't seem willing to open up to Terry about how it makes her feel that he's doing all of these things without discussion, and that's what makes me think it won't last.

But onward to the more important part: the Dursleys and Dumbledore!

My main question for this chapter is: Why? Why did Piper get to sit in on Dumbledore's little friendly chat with the Dursleys, and what kinds of plots is this setting up for later? Whatever it might be, it was interesting to see the scene through Piper's eyes. I got a bit worried when she freaked out because of Dumbledore's billowing robes, but then I remembered that Harry is going into his sixth year, so this wasn't the dementor attack on Dudley from OoTP. :)

I really wonder why Piper's parents needed to be protected from Voldemort so much that they gave up magic altogether and Fidelius'ed their house? Dumbledore's cryptic "you look so much like your mother" comment might hold a clue about it, but alas, I am no Sherlock Holmes. Perhaps the Stones used to have a different last name? Anyway, this just adds to the cryptic-ness of the last chapter, in which Harry was convinced he had seen Piper's dad before. Hmmm...

Aww, Piper didn't get to go on the Slughorn excursion. :( Hopefully she goes back inside pretty quickly before a bad guy pops up and snatches her! But I love the desolate feeling in the last paragraph because it's so indicative of Piper's mental state and how she really feels. Hopefully she can feel better with she gets back with her friends at Hogwarts!

I want to say again that I really appreciate your talent for foreshadowing and keeping that air of mystery intact. Even though the scene with Dumbledore was something that I've seen before, it was different while being familiar. I like that you gave it a new perspective without breaking the original scene up too much, and without making it seem word-for-word from the book. It's that fine balance, you know? And you did it very well!

Cheers, and maybe I'll catch ya next time!
~Mallory

Author's Response: Well, I'm glad that is coming through loud and clear. Terry is a nice guy and Piper is a nice girl, but she's not quite sure what to do here and there isn't much of a spark, but she doesn't know that that's the problem. Yet.

Piper got to sit in for one reason and one reason only- Dumbledore's over protectiveness and worry. He actually bothers to explain in the next chapter, I promise. Also, because plot. >.>

Thank you for such a wonderful review, m'dear! It's always lovely when you drop by. And that scene was really hard to do! I had to keep rereading it and trying to reword the quotes I used so that they weren't word-for-word. In future scenes where this happens, I get more creative because Piper gets to have other things to do- like leave the room or talk to someone else. There was not getting out of the awkward summary chapter in this instance.

Thank you, dear!
-Liz


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Review #16, by dreamgazer220 Midnight Inquisition

30th June 2016:
HAI LIZ! Apparently I haven't read this chapter.

But whew, what a lot for poor Piper! She doesn't know what's happening and then she's being whisked away to some strange place - the Weasley living room - the next. I loved that Tonks was the first to approach her, though, and I hope they can find some sort of bond with their ability. It's so sad that Tonks can't change, though :(

I think you did a good job of glossing over the details that we know from HBP. I know you struggled with this while writing, but your end result really worked for you. Piper would absolutely be overwhelmed with everything and hopefully she gets a good night's rest!

Again, it's amazing how you've improved over the years as an author :) This is already so much more realistic, and I can't wait to see her first encounter with Ron.

Keep up the great work!

♥Jill

Author's Response: Well, if you remember, HBP had only just come out when I was a few chapters into this, hahaha! So, hopefully a lot more realistic!

This story would not be here if it weren't for you, so I have to thank you and snuggle you. I actually did send this to you a while ago, though, but we were SUPER busy at the time and the only reason I remember is because when my computer died I was like "PLEASE TELL ME I SENT SOMETHING TO JILL!"

I did struggle a lot, but it's so easy to go into inner monologue and side conversations which means I don't have to tread too much on copyrighted material, haha.

I don't remember if I have plans to bring Tonks back, but maybe they have a one-shot off screen, lol.

Thank you so much, dear! It means a lot!


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Review #17, by UnluckyStar57 Kiss, Kiss

25th May 2016:
Hey again! Back one more time for BvB! :D

Lol, I love the way you're working with Dudley in this story. He's usually just a prop in fics, and here he's more than a prop. He's kind of my fave, even though he's actually the worst, haha. He's so pushy and stammer-y around Morgan--I love it! It makes me think that he will become maybe not-as-bad as he is at this point in the HP story line.

Aww, it's kinda sad for Piper that she doesn't know anyone at the party except for Harry, Dudley, and her family. Morgan is clearly the social butterfly, and maybe that's why they don't get along. Right away, I saw the tension between the sisters that I suspected would show up. Maybe Morgan will grow up and Piper will let loose a little bit?

I don't think it was very nice of Morgan to give Piper a bra in front of all those people, though. :/ But she made up for it with Terry's surprise appearance! It's really cool with the gifts how the sisters gave each other things meant to help them reach common ground. Like I said before, Morgan could stand to grow up a little and Piper could stand to let loose. Middle ground would be nice for them to reach eventually!

Harry recognizes Piper's dad, a man with a crooked nose...Hmm...To be honest, I don't know who it could be, but I sure do want to find out! From this chapter alone, I've learned that Piper's mom is more of a social butterfly like Morgan, and Piper's dad is a super paranoid secret lawyer guy! Is he secretly Superman? (That wouldn't make sense either, I know.) But seriously, I have ZERO guesses on who it could be, and I hope that I can find out soon!

Some weird Harry-Terry tension at the end. Does Harry have a crush on Piper? Terry did go a little too far with the grabby hands, especially since they'd just had their first kiss...I'll have to watch and see how this stuff develops!

Another really interesting chapter, Liz! I'm super glad that I got a chance to read some of this story this month! :D

~Mallory

Author's Response: Hi, Mallory!

Sheesh, between you and Andrew, I mean really! I feel like an amateur.

I'm glad you enjoyed! I like Dudley, I do. If he weren't so spoiled and such a Muggle, I don't think he'd be that bad of a person and I want to do something with him in a one-shot later down the road.

Piper doesn't want to know anyone at the party. She and her sister are on opposite sides of the social spectrum and she's okay with that. She was a bit of a loner in primaries due mainly to her Metamorphing abilities. She couldn't get too emotional at a young age because she didn't have a lot of control of her power, so she opted to stay away from people. She has more control now and rather than have 500 friends she barely knows, she has a few good friends she really cares about.

Tension between sisters... You should have seen the original draft of this 10 years ago. Tension didn't even begin to cover it! XD But, one of the points of a story is for the characters to grow, right? Both sisters are going to be faced with a problem. That's all I'm saying.

I shall reveal NOTHING, but if you read the next chapter, there are a lot of clues.

I would love to perpetuate the idea that Harry likes Piper, but. He's really just a good friend who doesn't like Terry. And Terry is a git.

Thank you for the wonderful review!


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Review #18, by UnluckyStar57 Number 3

24th May 2016:
Hi there! I'm here again for BvB. Go Team Bronze! :D

Okay, so we get to meet your OC, yay! I must admit that I haven't read many Hogwarts era fics, but I like the way you've set this OC up. She's not Harry's long-lost sister or something, but she is friends with him and lives in his neighborhood. I think it's really believable that her parents would be Muggleborns hiding from the Wizarding World in Litte Whinging--too bad for them that the Wizarding World kind of came to them when Harry showed up as a baby, right?

Piper is a year younger than Harry, right? I like that she's not in the same year or House as Harry because it opens up a wider range of possibilities for her to interact with lesser-known canon characters. I'm guessing that "Terry" is Terry Boot? I can't wait to see him in the story!

You did a really wonderful job of showing how paranoid Piper and her mother are about the state of the Wizarding World. Unfortunately, Jake doesn't have the same sense of unease--I hope nothing bad happens to him! D: I do think it's funny that Piper has to ask him his security question, and that it's about math. I'm no math nerd, but I can appreciate a good quadratic equation every now and again. :D

Ahahaha, it's so funny to picture Dudley having a crush on anyone--let alone Piper's twin, who is also a witch! :O I wonder if he'll find out that she's magical, and what he'll think about that? *sudden headcanon for this story that Dudley finds out and doesn't mind, and Morgan also has a crush on him trololol*

Anyway, I think it's interesting that you introduced Piper, her mother, Jake, Dudley, Piers, and Harry in this chapter, and you haven't introduced Morgan yet. From what Piper has told us, the twins seem very different from each other. I wonder if that creates tension between them? Also, I wonder how Morgan handles being in Slytherin as a child of Muggleborn parents? Hopefully, if she experiences any bigotry, Piper sticks with her through thick and thin.

Well, also the twins were in the DA together! (Sorry, kind of writing this review as I go along, that's why it's kinda scattered.) So there's at least one Slytherin in the DA, that's good! Maybe Morgan can be a recruit for the good guys in the middle of the Snake Pit?

This chapter was really interesting and built well on the first chapter. I'm not sure how they connect yet, character-wise, but I'm guessing that Piper will eventually come into contact with Draco at Hogwarts. I'll catch you later!

~Mallory

Author's Response: Yay, Bronze!

And dear LORD, Mallory, between you and Andrew, I feel like the crummiest reviewer in the tower!

I don't want to reply to too much as that would give away a lot of the plot, but YES, Terry as in Boot and Morgan is a bit of an enigma. She's not predominantly evil, she just likes popularity and attention and isn't above being a snake to get it.

Did I say they were both in the DA? Hmm... I didn't mean to, but I think I'll make it work, haha!

I'm very glad that you liked it and thanks for such an awesome review! I'm very nervous about this story as it's my baby and I've been working on it for a very long time.


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Review #19, by Lee Jason Number 3

19th May 2016:
I'm loving the story so far :D Piper is a really interesting character (I love reading about metamorphmagi) and you've done a great job with characterisation.

I'm also happy to know that Harry has a friend of sorts when he has to stay at the Dursley's. That has made me feel a bit better, oddly.

I'm also interested to know what Jacob was doing with the trunk. Poor Jacob, the only squib in the family :( well, it will be interesting to see what happens to him as the story goes on.

I can't wait to "meet" Morgan, and see how similar she is to Piper and Jacob.

All in all, great chapter :D

Author's Response: Aww, you're so! You're just! Awww! *blushes* Such nice things! Piper is very dear to me. This story is a reincarnation of my first ever fic and she has gone through many, many changes and I hope they are all good ones.

Yay, good feelings! Harry should have had more friends. I find it hard to believe that there was not one person in his whole school who didn't want to be friends with the weird kid!

Yes, yes, poor Jacob. I'm quite mean to him in this story. But things will get better for him. Eventually.

Morgan is... Well, you'll see.

Thank you for the lovely review!


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Review #20, by dreamgazer220 Privet Drive Lights

16th May 2016:
BUT WHERE DID SHE GO?!?!

Oh wait, I know :D I think. Maybe? I'm not exactly sure anymore...

Ah, well, great chapter! Just like Dumbledore to drop a few bombshells and then not answer anyone's questions, haha. I think you did a good job of summarizing the events from the book but also giving us enough detail to refresh memories and still know what was going on.

I'm excited to see where this progresses!

♥♥♥

Author's Response: Well, I tell you everything, so you'll be refreshed soon enough. Yeah, I'm trying to stay away from scenes like this where I have to paraphrase and summarize. There's a scene at the Weasley's where I just have her straight up leave the room. XD

Thank you for stopping by, lovely! You'll know things before anyone else does!


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Review #21, by Lee Jason Prologue

16th May 2016:
I have to say, I am desperately in love with your writing style. It's slithery like a snake (if that makes no sense, I'm trying to say it flows well). The plot is wonderful and uber interesting. Why JK Rowling didn't include this scene in her books, I will never know. You've filled a Malfoy-sized hole in my soul. Thank you. I can't wait to see what happens next :D

Author's Response: A Malfoy-sized hole? O_O I didn't think that was possible! I'm so glad you liked the Prologue! If you haven't read ahead, I feel obligated to tell you, this just sets up for a plot point for my MC. But, it will come to play in a Dramione I'm planning in the same universe!

Thank you for the lovely review!


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Review #22, by oldershouldknowbetter Prologue

15th May 2016:
SO this is a start.

Hi there, I'm here for some BvB action and to pay you back for a lovely review.

Telling a story from the point of view of Voldemort is a reasonably tricky thing. One does not want to find oneself in the mind of one of the most evil wizards of all time. As well, he might be a hard character to portray, but you have seemed to do all right with the challenge. It is probably all for the better that you have employed third person for your narrative.

With only a small modicum of exposition you set the scene and the time that this must occur. Poor Lucius, as Dumbledore said, he was happy enough in Azkaban away from the displeasure of his dark master for failing to get the prophecy.

Voldemort crucios him straight out, wow. I was initially surprised at this, until I remembered that when he returned at the graveyard, he crucioed one of his followers then. So it is right in keeping with the character that JKR established for him.

I'm glad you are giving a bit of a spine to Lucius; in making him not cry out under the torture. Though I personally don't like the man, you are giving him some necessary character. It is well done, as too the grudging respect that you show that Voldemort has for him doing so.

Lucius has kept failing him hasn't he, and Voldemort hasn't, at this point in the story, found out about what happened to his diary-horcrux yet. Oh boy, what will happen then, if this has been Ludius' treatment for something relatively minor.

But you give us a tantalising hint of what is to come in the story. Just whom was it that was seen at the bridge? (nice pull, by the way, of a cannon event into your story). From the events that we know from JKR's books, there is no one that we know of who was at that bridge, so it must either be a cannon character who was there for reasons that lay beyond what we know, or it must be some character of your own devising. We shall just have to wait for the events of the story to unfold and why Voldemort was so concerned about this mystery person.

And Draco. I find him an interesting character. I hated him of course all throughout the books, what wasn't there to hate: arrogant, bigoted, nasty and arrogant. ;)

But then at the end of this adventure, that you are charting the beginning of here, he doesn't kill an old man - not because he couldn't, but because he wouldn't. All the difference in the world. It is the start of his redemption and the start for us all to think of him differently from just being a nasty, schoolboy villain.

You capture his character well for this stage of the story line. His father has impressed upon him, by example and word, how great it is to be a pureblood and hence how great Lucius is himself. When his son sees his father humiliated in his actions before Voldemort, I think that you have nailed the reactions that Draco would have. His sheer disbelief at the weakness his father shows - something that Draco has never experienced before.

Then you show some of his clever Slytheriness, in the way he couches his answer to Voldemort.

Draco was always impulsive: quick to anger, quick to react, and quick to judge. So when Voldemort goads him, Draco falls into the trap which was oh so easy for Voldemort to set. He jumps up and almost demands to be given a chance. For what exact reason, you deliberately leave vague - for his father, for his family name, or to prove himself. It's good that you do because it is probably a mixed up combination of all three and also that it's probably not that clear to Draco himself either.

Volunteer he does, but for what, he doesn't know as yet. Though he wasn't expecting to get a Dark Mark, that was a bit of a shock. He might be more proud of it, as he was later, except that it hurt him so much. Again the way you show his reactions here is well done. Having him regain his place, but not kneeling, shows a lot of things, but especially the beginning of the end for poor Lucius.

We are privy to the inner thoughts of Voldemort, and so we understand that he had always thought that Draco would probably not succeed in his mission and therefore die. Dumbledore expected this of the motivations of Voldemort, but here you express it explicitly.

The ending is a bit strange until one realises: what would Voldemort gain if this family of apparently loyal supporters dies? Why the Mansion of course and everything they owned. And not just that, but final revenge upon someone who has failed him one too many times (one failure is too many for Voldemort).

Now in my mental cannon, this scene has not had a place. I didn't really think that Draco would have been there as his father was being punished by Voldemort, but you have presented us with this scene so well, that I just might have to rethink things. Well done.

Andrew,
Oldershouldknowbetter.

Author's Response: Wow, thank you for the amazing review!

Just the prologue is from Voldemort's POV. It's to set up major plot points (yay, foreshadowing!) later on. However, all these BvB reviews have me thinking that maybe I *should* try my hand at a Voldemort story! I was honestly terrified of writing it!

I'm so glad you enjoyed it so much and that everything I was trying to put in there came through clearly! I was really very nervous about that!

Thank you again for such a wonderful review!


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Review #23, by UnluckyStar57 Prologue

14th May 2016:
Hi there! I'm here for the BvB Review Battle!

Wow, this is a really intense prologue, and I really love the title of the story! It definitely makes me think that Bad Things will be happening soon!

You did a really wonderful job of building the suspense and tension in the scene. Even though the story was mostly focused on Voldemort's thoughts and feelings, you managed to convey everything that Lucius and Narcissa were thinking as well, and that's really important for adding color to the story. Clearly, they were confused and afraid, but very unwilling to admit it.

Ooh, ouch. It makes sense that Voldemort, an evil Major Bad Guy, would use the Cruciatus Curse on Lucius, but it doesn't make it any easier to read about! Voldemort is incredibly true to canon here, which is so hard to write, and I admire your ability to write it. He's cruel, he's sadistic, and he's going to get revenge on Lucius by going after his precious lil' baby Draco.

One comment that I do have about the story flow is that the wording of the first sentence is a little bit inverted. I think it would make more sense if it was worded like this: "A tall dark figure dressed in black robes paced slowly in front of a roaring fire in a dark room." That just rewords the sentence so that the "tall dark figure" is the subject and the action is clear. But that's definitely just a suggestion! :)

Ooh, because you started the story with Draco getting the Dark Mark, I wonder where it's going to go next. And I wonder who Wilkes saw at the Bridge--was it Harry, by chance? It's all very suspenseful, and I hope that I can get a chance to come back and read more soon!

Cheers!
~Mallory

Author's Response: That is a much better opening line, I'm editing now! Thank you so much!

Wow, I feel like I should write a Voldemort-centric story now. I was so nervous about this prologue.

I hope that if you do continue to read, you don't get too disappointed. The prologue was to set up a very important plot point later on for my OC, specifically who was seen at the bridge! But everything will be used eventually as other one-shots and stories get written!

Thanks for my review!!


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Review #24, by PaulaTheProkaryote Prologue

14th May 2016:
Hello! I'm here for BvB review battle!

I really enjoyed your characterization of Lord Voldemort. You make him seem very cool and calculated, which some writers seem to miss. Even torture was only mildly interesting to him. Nothing new, nothing thrilling. That's the way I'd expect him to be.

On the bit about Lucius not even being worth the inner circle, I think you're right. Sometimes I wonder myself why he'd pick someone so cowardly. I honestly think it has a lot to do with how loyal and fierce Bellatrix is. She'll keep him in line for him.

Honestly, this story just makes me feel so terribly sympathetic for poor Draco. That must be traumatizing for him.

I loved this line:
"I would never... Intentionally fail you, my lord," because that's such a diplomatic, smart answer. Draco should have been a politician! I suppose growing up in the life he's had, he's sort of one already. Draco is much more brave than his father in this story and I really like the way you've highlighted it!

My heart hurts a bit for the entire Malfoy family through the way you've depicted them. While I hate such a manipulative punishment that's meant to be a death sentence, I think it was smart for Lord Voldemort to do it this way because if he does redeem the family through succeeding, he's developed a very strong follower.

Overall, I think this is a very interesting prologue that would definitely capture the reader. I think you've painted all of the characters very true to themselves and you've made me very sympathetic for the Malfoys, someone I'm not usually sympathetic towards! Great job!

Author's Response: You are all a lot faster with these review battles than I am!

Thank you so much! Even though this prologue is just a plot set up for the rest of the story, I very much enjoyed writing is and I'm very glad that other people appreciate the depiction. I stressed and stressed over it because I wasn't sure I had it just right.

I'm also glad you like that line! I feel like Draco is at a crossroads and he's being forced down a path he really doesn't want to take, but not taking it means death. Of course, that all ties in with the AU I'm developing for all of my stories. ^_^

Yay, sympathy for the psycho cowards! They would all be simply better off if... Lucius had been locked up after the First War. XD

Thank you!


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Review #25, by BellaLestrange87 Prologue

13th May 2016:
This is for the Blue vs Bronze review battle!

I really enjoyed this. It was a really well-written look into Voldemort's perspective. I really like the added information: that Voldemort was trying to get rid of the Malfoy family by assigning them Draco a task that couldn't be fulfilled.

You wrote Voldemort really well. He appears really sadistic, as he should be. His enjoyment of Lucius's and Draco's pain was really obvious and fitting for the leader of the Death Eaters.

You're making me feel really sorry for Draco. He's so enthusiastic and eager to prove himself now and we all know how his feelings change over the course of sixth year.

I didn't see any typos and I'll be back at some point to read the next chapter.

~Olivia

Author's Response: Wow, that was fast! Thank you! I've always wanted to write Voldemort and while this prologue is only to set up for more important things later in the story, I was more excited for it than for the rest of it. XD

(Which is why I will be writing a Draco centered story later...)

Thank you for the review!


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