Reading Reviews for Defiantly Devious
  
11 Reviews Found

Review #1, by lunarwhy Lucky To Be

1st September 2016:
Aah! I was completely hooked in by the first chapter and had gotten all caught up in a few hours. I hope you will continue to update this story, I absolutely NEED to know who the owner of DD is. Logically I figured it would be Hermione, but now I'm not sure at all!! Eagerly waiting your next update :)!

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm trying to catch up on a few things then will post the next one soon!

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Review #2, by Kathleen Ornaments

30th April 2016:
This so far has been one of my favorite fan fictions. I appreciate the slow, small romance along with the mystery of the shop owner. There a few minor grammatical errors that are easy to over look. You have a fantastic writing style that gives enough detail that the scene can be pictured, but vague enough for the reader to fill in with their own imagination. It is a lovely story that I have enjoyed reading since the first chapter. As much as I would love for the story to be updated more often, I would much rather have chapters updated infrequently but with the quality you seem to put into them. I hope you continue writing, and maybe share this story on more fan fiction websites for the enjoyment of many. It is fabulous. You are doing an amazing job. I will keep reading as long as you keep writing.

Author's Response: Thank you so much!! I do have this posted on FF dot net as well since it updates much faster than here.

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Review #3, by Bluewolf80 Ornaments

8th April 2016:
Awww, so thoughtful and sweet! I love it!

Author's Response: Thank you! I always picture the twins as the thoughtful bunch...people need to remember to smile! :)

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Review #4, by Magical mayhem Opportunist

8th March 2016:
Love this story and can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Thank you!

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Review #5, by Dianainga Demons in Our Dreams

26th September 2015:
This story is so unique! I cannot figure out who could be the mastermind behind the new store. I also love the many layers you have given George. While I have always been sympathetic about what George had to endure with the loss of his twin, I never found him really interesting. How wrong was I? You have developed him into a truly intriguing character! Cannot wait for the next update!

Author's Response: Thank You! As for George/Hermione stories, they are usually told from Hermione's point of view, so I thought it would be fun to write from George's. There's so much his character has gone through, and the path to happiness was a road I wanted to go down.

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Review #6, by manno_malfoy Something Wicked

25th September 2015:
Hello there! I'm back and I'm very excited about it.

This is such an important chapter because there's progress between George and Hermione. Yay! And it really is so weird and unusual for me to like Hermione with anyone other than Ron. But what you've managed to do, for me at least, is develop this right from the start, and slip little things every chapter so that when this happened, it came off as logical and believable. And you know what, I've never thought about Hermione and George together before, but now that I think about it, it's a very interesting concept. They both are really smart, even if in different ways, or perhaps BECAUSE it's in different ways... I just can see Hermione admiring people for their brains, so yes, I'm on board of this ship in your story.

I have a bit of constructive criticism and I hope that's okay. But after the first kiss, you said that Hermione was taken off guard, but you didn't really show it. They just went right onto working on the fountain pen. I feel that MAYBE you could've elaborated a bit on the shock of it, and not only for Hermione but I guess for George as well? But that's just my opinion, really.

The second kiss was great and perfectly described and well-timed. And I enjoyed reading about them working together and all. I suppose things can only get more exciting from here!

This has been another great chapter. And I see that you've churned out a couple more since I've last checked the story out, so I can't wait to see what you do next.

-Manno

Author's Response: I welcome the constructive criticism, sometimes I have so many thoughts about where I want the story to go, that I write too fast cause I don't want to forget the ideas. But you do have a point about the lack of shock. Thanks for reading!

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Review #7, by manno_malfoy Concept and Design

13th August 2015:
Oh no, the last chapter you have up for now! I really do hope you've got others on the way.

So the fact that the 'proprietor' keeps sending George the products for free is making me stick to my theory regarding how it's someone who wants to help him stay inspired. But who could that possibly be?

I really enjoyed seeing the friendship between Ron and Hermione this time. You've clarified that they're no longer together, but I appreciate that they've maintained the friendship. And that Ron still knows that she's always right and has no issues admitting it. Even though I really love Ronmione, I'm looking forward to seeing what the alternative is in your story.

I found the experiment exciting and I was happy to see that you've still added the thought process behind it. 'Heated Ice' indeed is peculiar.

I've said it in every review so far, and I'll say it again: great writing, great idea, and great development so far. Thanks for all the entertainment you've provided me with today!

-Manno

Author's Response: I feel that after all those years of bickering, Ron would finally pick up on when to admit he's wrong and when she's right. I didn't want them to have any animosity in the story, to tiring to write all that, so I figured just have them keep their friendship the way it always was. I really wanted George to play around with another inventors creations and see what he would get, I think George is just as curious a creature as Hermione in a way. New chapter coming soon!

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Review #8, by manno_malfoy The Nevers

13th August 2015:
Ah, so many things going on in this chapter; it's so exciting!

I'm very happy to finally see the characters flourish and interact, and to get to know what they're like in your head. Characterisation-wise, you've done marvellously this chapter. It was quite nice to see that George's sense of humour is still intact. It started with gratitude, but then ended in teasing. And now that the ring is named after her and it's attracting clientele, he owes her a lot more.

You've got Hermione written perfectly as well. Her temper and her curiosity and her defensiveness. It's all there.

I really enjoyed your focus on Harry and Hermione's friendship in this chapter. I think you're doing a great job portraying it. It's good that Harry is looking out for her and making sure she's taking breaks. Also the scene when they're at DD and he immediately decides that the lantern is the perfect gift for her really goes to show how well he knows her. I also would really love one of those for myself because I have a tendency to read in the balcony at night where there is no lamp.

I must say that I’m always hesitant when I approach Hogwarts Era stories, especially when the trio is prominent because I worry about characterisation. But yours, not only is it sitting with me well, it's impressing me. I can't applaud you enough!

The plot so far is great too. I'm wondering how long things will stay civil between George and the 'proprietor' or if things are going to spiral out of control soon. Is ‘Never been one for chess, myself. But the quaffle is in your possession, Red.’ supposed to be a clue for us? Because a few names come to mind, but I'm going to keep them myself for now because I don't like to be proven wrong! :P

Anyway, this has been another incredibly enjoyable chapter. Possibly the best so far due to how there's a lot more going on in it and how much more we get to see of the characters.

I've only got one chapter ahead of me and that concerns me. Please, do keep on writing this and I hope you can update soon!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I try to keep them as close to the original characters our wonderful JK produced. As for the chess thing, it could be seen as a clue, but it's also because I don't know a darn thing about the game besides how to move a pawn :/

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Review #9, by manno_malfoy It Begins

13th August 2015:
Hello, I'm still around for more creative fun. I'm sitting here wondering how you'll come up with all the fancy products that will be used on both sides of this challenge. I also just came to the realisation that this challenge is a bit of a present to George, just in case he was thinking of slackening because of his grief or because Fred isn't there anymore. This should keep him trying be innovative and coming up with great products. So the 'proprietor', in my opinion, is really doing George a favor. But this story is only getting started, so I may be completely wrong.

I quite like how you explain where George gets his inspiration. Whether it's Hermione or just things he comes upon when he's out and about. It really does make things realistic and more interesting to me. It'll be fun to take a walk around George's brain when it's written this way.

Oh, and in the display description, you've got a D missing in 'powder'.
"Each Piece Carefully Infused With Darkness Power".

It, indeed, is a short chapter and all, which is why I don't have anything else to say about this chapter. But all in all, it was fun and officially kicks off this game, I suppose. I'm still very hooked and enjoying the story! :)

-Manno

Author's Response: I literally sat down and wrote an entire list of products the proprietor would come up with and ones that George would as well and how they would play off each other. And thats how I set my chapters up...It was actually hard to come up with original ideas and not useanthng they created in the books, or tweak them.

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Review #10, by manno_malfoy The Nerve

13th August 2015:
Hey there again! I thought I'd stick around see where this goes.

This chapter has been enjoyable as well. It definitely isn't as mysterious as the first. In fact, I'd say that it's quite the opposite as it answers questions that us readers may have about George, his life, and the people around him while the first chapter only gave rise to questions.

I think you've done a good job setting the scene and explaining where each of the characters has been and what they plan to do. I can't help but wonder how and if they're going to get involved in all the mayhem. I would say Hermione would be quite resourceful for this sort of thing, but I guess I'll have to wait and see.

I absolutely admire how you've described how George has been dealing with Fred's death. This line in particular struck a chord for me:
"But George learned quickly, adapt or die. He loved his twin, but he wasn’t ready to join him just yet." Had Fred been alive and they were confronted with this challenge, I'd have no doubt they would do marvellous things. And I really do hope that with how much George misses Fred, he would be able to procure something that would've made Fred proud.

I thought the scene over the dinner table was well-written and even though there wasn't much of it in this chapter, I think you have Ginny and Hermione characterised well so far. Also, why does Harry think he gets to give people advice on not getting involved in mysterious things?! He practically went around looking for trouble, and grave consequences never seemed to stop him! But it does sound like something he'd say, even if he wouldn't follow it himself.

As a bit of a nit-picker, and in the spirit of constructive criticism, I caught a few minute errors. I always appreciate when reviewers point those out to me as it makes it easier for me to know what to target while I'm revising. But do let me know if you don't want me to keep an eye out for this sort of thing going forward.

-When you're talking about Victoire, the line should say "There were times when" instead of "time".
-“You really should be more careful George.” is missing a comma before George.
-And in your closing line, I think it should be "it usually ends badly" instead of "bad".

But that doesn't take anything away from the great quality of writing and story-telling throughout the chapter. I really did enjoy it, and I'm excited to see what else you have in store for this story.

-Manno

Author's Response: I didn't want George to be walking doom and gloom thundercloud over his head type of character. I feel that he would have his issues, like not being able to be in his flat alone, but not completely isolate himself as other authors tend to go for. I feel he would still find that making people laugh would be his sole purpose in life.

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Review #11, by manno_malfoy The Competition

13th August 2015:
Hello! I was going to through the recently published stories and this caught my eyes! And I'm very glad it did.

It's quite nice how you've taken inspiration from Alice in Wonderland and brought it into the magical world. It makes sense that someone would try to come up with spells and potions that would replicate fictional things, especially if they're a muggleborn. But you haven't told us anything about who the owner is, but I'm very intrigued to know who it is and what their intentions are.

Which brings me to my next point: ambiguity. You've kept things very nice and short but definitely gave me enough to get me hooked. Throughout the chapter there has been this eerie feel that I thought really suits the story so far. It's reinforced by the great, graceful descriptions. They were meticulous but not overwhelming; just the right amount to give us a feel of the place and the atmosphere. And I felt as though you really did take me there and I could see the place well enough in my head.

When I came to the end of the chapter, that's especially when I went, 'whoa, this story definitely has a lot of potential'. It reminded me a bit of the Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern, which I really love. And if this story is anything like that at all, then I'll probably enjoy it as well. I'm looking forward to the rest of the chapters and seeing how you'll develop the plot and the characters, but really well done on this one.

-Manno

Author's Response: Holy cow! I sat here and read through all your reviews in one sitting! First, I just want to say thank you for taking the time to do so! And for reminding me to go back and edit a few things! I read the Night Circus, and it has to be one of my favorite books, I loved how she was able to create such beauty with her descriptions and that's kind of what I'm going for here. Thank you for reading!

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