Reading Reviews for A Weasley Vacation
  
127 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Avanell 2 Malfoy's Story

3rd December 2016:
I finally peaked at this story, skimmed some but read this chapter entirely. Love this one! Loved how Hermione and Draco got to really know one another...and I mean as adults and Draco telling his story. :D

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Review #2, by Charlie Lovestory.

1st November 2016:
Ah, its adorable how they made up after hearing their younger selves. Nice chapter.

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Review #3, by StarFeather The Dementor Attack

19th September 2016:
Hi, Alec! Long time no see. I came back for Kevin's CTF game @Gryffindor Tower. Thanks to your advice on the forums, I can continue Tengu's story with Newt Scamancer.

Hmm, I like your description about Lorriete Lovegood with her huge green eyes and dirty blonde. You portrayed the mind movement of Louis who worried about buying her a couple of drinks first or not, which is awesome. I also like the phrase, "For some reason, Loriette didn't bump into anyone, and since I was so closely behind her, I didn't either (I did receive one bloody hand elbow between the ribs though), which shows how the bar was like, crowded with people, how this character was eager to get her attention among hustle and bustle.

Ah, for me, I prefer Muggle equivalent of Fire whiskey to the Muggles equivalent of strong Butter beer! Louis bought her 3 more drinks! How generous!

Lol at your comical expression about both Fred and James. Oh, men! Louis bought her 4 drinks already? He was high like James and Fred as well. I like you used the word "Urge" or "Magnetic", these are magical words to explain his situation.

Ha ha ha you repeated the words beginning with "S" and "F", I could imagine his critical predicament like a movie.

Oh, his intention was blocked as I guessed (sorry for Louis). Ha ha ha, lol again when Hugo entered! I like the spot: His eyes where rapidly shifting from me to Loriette, me to Loriette, like he was watching a tennis match on fast forward. He's just like Ron! The latter half I felt like Ron was accusing Harry for Ginny. Good job! I enjoyed the scene between Louis and Hugo. Ah! I also like this spot, "Hugo, you have the emotional capacity of a teaspoon."

Ah, I missed your writing style that shifts to the other POV. Oh, The Sorting Hat sang about the battle. I'm eager to listen, I want to know how it sang about it in detail. Did it sing about Voldie?

Wa...was she attacked by a Dementor really? How shocking. She was so depressed. Oh, mate, please don't say to be sorted into Hufflepuff, shameless. Being half Hufflepuff in me says so. :)

Wow, I love the term, "Snape=a national hero".

I thought the story would end at Molly's POV, but you gave me a present at the end. Harry/Ginny ship is always my favorite ship. But...,oh yeah, Ron and Hermione are going to divorce. I have to be back again to see how you will solve the problem. :) Kenny aka StarFeather from Gryffindor Tower.

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Review #4, by annimal16 On Their Way

4th September 2016:
Why wouldt you like holland? What did we do to you :,( im giving you a 9/10 just becous they dont like us. (My lowest rating so far after 4 years of visiting this site)

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Review #5, by Madeye The Battle of the City of Nargles Part I

29th July 2016:
ANAZING!! I can't wait for the next chapter😝😝😝😊😊

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Review #6, by toomanycurls Home

31st December 2015:
The dog's perspective is really cute and I'm sad he was abandoned. :( it's good Ron was able to help and leave the dog some food.

Ron's side of things answered my lingering questions. It's weird that his family pushed him and Hermione back together when they were younger but I'm glad they had some good years between them before things regressed. The tea guy's interest in Ron seemed unusual - or the amount of detail Ron shared felt like too much.

Nice dramatic ending

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Review #7, by toomanycurls Revelations

31st December 2015:
It's quite interesting to catch up with Hugo after his attack. I was relieved to see that he cared about his family more than was let on in other chapters. Slughorn did seem a bit random as did his wealth of information about lestrange. It would be nice to have the key plot info be spread out a bit more through the story. It's all a bit lighthearted until it suddenly slows down with all this in depth world building.

I'm really interested in seeing Hugo react to his parents relationship

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Review #8, by toomanycurls The Fury of the Flaming Fiendfyre

31st December 2015:
Rose and scorpius are interesting in this. I couldn't tell if he's oblivious to her feelings or not interested. I think pulling is the wrong word to use with the flirting but I can't think of the right one at the moment.

Harry is quite aggressive with Hermione but it's interesting to see where she and Ron fell apart. It's so sad that they were that unhappy for decades. Ron really doesn't seem to have matured much.

The action at the end was very nice. I'm not sure fiendfyre responds to spells like it did here but it made for good action. The story certainly hits its stride here

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Review #9, by TreacleTart 

30th December 2015:
Hey Alec,

So I've read through your story and wanted to leave you one final review that summed up all of my thoughts and also showed you how I'm judging things for the Anywhere But There Challenge.

Plot - Wow. There's sooo much to cover when talking about the plot here. This really is an epic vacation and provided that everyone survives it, one that they'll probably talk about for years and years to come. I really enjoyed all of the action and the way that you made this chapter in particular parallel the Battle of Hogwarts. Having a rogue bad guy like Lestrange go after the entire Potter/Weasley/etc. clan sure is interesting. I will say that at points I found the plot to be a bit overwhelming or confusing. I felt like you had a lot of really cool ideas, but perhaps that too many of them had been packed into each chapter.

Characterization - At first, I was honestly a little put off by the characterizations, particularly with some of the girls. They were melodramatic, violent, and spoiled, but as the story progressed, everyone started to develop and they all sort of grew on me. I felt that once I got used to their personalities I began to see them as realistic for teenagers. Particularly Hugo and his sulky resignation at having to hang out with his family on vacation.

Cultural Info - I enjoyed getting to know a bit about Holland, particularly Amsterdam. My partner's father is actually from Holland, so it was fun being able to fact check things a bit. I thought your best bits were when you were describing the way the city looked. The little details you included like the way the channels ran parallel to the streets really helped give me a clear picture of the city. I did wish that at times you dug a little deeper than the stereotypes of legal weed and females working the street. I noticed that was a pretty prevalent theme, but I suppose since the characters are teenagers and their tourists, it would be likely that they would notice it.

Typos/Spelling/Grammar - When I know someone is writing in a second language, I always try to give them a bit of a break on grammar/spelling issues. Something like writing "alot" instead of "a lot" is an easy mistake to make. That being said, this story really needs a good edit. I know you've struggled finding a consistent beta, but I hope you do because there is quite a bit of polishing and fixing that could be done.

Overall, I think you have a really fascinating story that mixes in a nice touch of humour and action. You've made the characters quite unique and brought a ton of people in from cannon, even a few who were dead. That was definitely unique.

Good job!

~Kaitlin

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Review #10, by TreacleTart The City of Nargles

15th December 2015:
Hi there!

Back for another review.

I enjoyed the amount of attention you spent characterizing each of the Weasleys. I now have a really clear picture of who you imagine each of them to be. Or I suppose it's more about how Hugo views each of them.

I was a little bit surprised about how annoyed/ bitter Hugo seems to be. I get the angsty teenager deal, but he actually seems to not like any of his cousins at all. I'll be curious to see how that develops over the course of the story. Maybe vacation will soften him up a little bit.

Now that the story is finally taking place in Holland, I'm curious to see what sort of cultural information you'll include in the story. I liked the bit about the pronunciation of the airport being difficult for foreigners. It's little details like that that really give you the full picture of a country.

My only little bit of cc is that this chapter seemed to be mostly a filler chapter. It sort of serves to transition all of the characters from one place to another, but nothing much really happens in it.

I'll be curious to see how this adventure develops! Good job!

~Kaitlin

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Review #11, by TreacleTart On Their Way

14th December 2015:
Hello again!

Back for another chapter!

I already knew that they were going to Amsterdam on vacation because I've seen you mention it on the forums, but it was very interesting to see everyone's reaction.

Honestly, I really got the distinct impression that they were all quite spoiled. I mean, here Arthur went through all of this effort to take everyone on a holiday and everyone's acting like he's done something awful. Just completely ungrateful.

I had a good giggle with the girls leaving their diaries behind. With the amount of people going on this vacation, I imagine there will be lots of lost things and problems.

I do have to say that Hugo seems a little bit bitter in this. I think that's good since he's a teenager and they usually are super sarcastic and obnoxious.

I do usually try to leave a little bit of CC in my reviews, so here it goes...

I noticed that you tend to slip from past tense to present tense in the middle of paragraphs. Just be careful about that because it can get confusing.

All in all, another good chapter! I can't wait for the actual vacation to start.

~Kaitlin

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Review #12, by TreacleTart Meet the Weasley's!

14th December 2015:
Hey Alec,

I'm finally here to review your story for my Anywhere But There challenge. Sorry it took so long for me to get to it, but NANO kept me busy all of last month.

Since there are so many chapters to review with this story, I will leave shorter reviews on chapters 1 through 13 and then a much longer more detailed one on chapter 14 explaining how I'm judging your entry in my challenge. You'll also have to forgive me as it may take me a few days to review all of the chapters.

This was a nice start to your story. At first, I was a bit confused about who the main character was, but as I read more it became clearer. I was actually really excited to see that it was Hugo, mainly because he hardly ever gets written as a main character.

As soon as you mentioned all of the Weasleys, Scamanders, Longbottoms, and Scorpius all going on vacation together, I knew there was going to be trouble and chaos. Then adding in the stipulation that they'd be traveling muggle style. Wow. Well, let's just say I can already imagine the chaos that's going to ensue.

Good start! I'll be back for more soon.

~Kaitlin

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Review #13, by TearsIMustConceal The Fury of the Flaming Fiendfyre

28th November 2015:
Hi Alec!

I have only just noticed recently that you left me a review request and I never got around to doing it for you! I am so sorry, and I know this does not make up for it, here is your review. Again, I really do apologise for my lateness!

So because I haven't read chapters 1-8, with you asking me to concentrate solely on this, I can't comment too much on the plot of the story on a whole but I think your idea, the Weasley's on holiday/vacation is pretty original and something I haven't seen before so points for originality! The humour is good, the banter between the characters flows well and I found myself smiling whilst reading it so I think you did a good job! Characterisation wise, because the chapter is so dialogue heavy not overloaded but there is a substantial amount of it within the chapter, it's a little difficult figuring out who said what but saying that, I think I managed to work out who said what by they way they said so it's not too much of an issue but maybe you could make it a little clearer in parts? Just so we know who is making us laugh, etc.

On the whole, I really enjoyed the chapter, the changing of POVs was a little abrupt in places and I wasn't sure about the Harry POV in the middle of it all but I am sensing that scene has been building up in the earlier chapters? Because the conversation didn't seem random enough for me to think you just put it in the middle of the story. But aside from that, I loved the pace, it flowed quite well, aside from a few parts and I do think the plot of the chapter was interesting and it certainly made me want to read more!

Again, I am sorry for the delayed review.

-Vicki

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Review #14, by Gabriella Hunter Home

12th October 2015:
Hello!

It's Gabbie again. I am here with the end of our three-part review! We should start this up gain but I noticed that my story is a bit longer than yours so if you want me to check out some other stuff on your AP, just let me know when this is finished. :D

I actually liked the way you started this chapter, I didn't really get what was going on at first but starting something from a dog's POV is both daunting and pretty darn unique. I thought at first that this person was an Animagus and that they were waiting for our villain but it turned out that he was merely abandoned and sad. That was heartbreaking to read and I didn't expect his rescuer to be Ron either! I was wondering where he went to be honest and I think that I really enjoyed his account of why he and Hermione split. Now, I think that those flashbacks that you included were good and everything but I think that Hermione's character just doesn't seem like herself, even the way she talks just seems way out of personality range for me. I'm not really sure that I like it either but from Ron's POV I was actually pretty pissed off. I mean, I think that he was justified in being angry with her but Hermione just kind of made it worse by by being so nasty towards him. I'm not sure how couples fight since I'm forever alone but I thought it was a bit much and I think that she had a lot of nerve inviting Krum over to their house, knowing how he felt. And then she cheats with him on with Malfoy? Huh? What? I wasn't a fan of that and for once, I was siding with Ron and while I think that he got some pretty darn good advice, it's going to take more than him shaping up to fix their relationship. I hope you go into more detail about that later but until then, thanks for the swap! I shall see you again!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #15, by Gabriella Hunter Revelations

12th October 2015:
Hello!

I'm back! I decided to stop by again and keep on rolling with our review. I was really curious about what was going to happen after the last chapter and this certainly didn't disappoint. I'm kind of blown away by how much of a turn this story has taken and I'm going to try and take it all in!

I was pretty worried about Hugo and I'm glad that we found out what happened to him. I expected him to wake up alone and scared but thank God he wasn't, though I certainly didn't think Slughorn would be there. I honestly didn't know what the heck was going on and I thought that Hugo had the perfect reaction to everything, though I'm not sure if I would have been able to take everything in quite that well. I think that your information was really detailed and I'm very curious about where the story is going to go now, though I do think that you should put a few spaces between your dialogue. It makes the characters seem like they're talking in one giant paragraph and it would be easier to read if there were spaces in between them. Now, I'm not sure if Slughorn should have gave Hugo every single detail of what was going on since he is just a kid but what a horrible history! Rudolphus sounds terrible and I like this little twist you gave with him, I certainly didn't think that he was still alive. And collecting new, dangerous magic?! What is he going to do with that time turner, I wonder? Hm.that doesn't bode well for any of us.

And where the funk is Ron?! Why wouldn't he be there to see his son? Why would Hermione not even tell him? What?! She's easily becoming my least favorite character here so I'm going to hop on over the next chapter extra quick. Hmph.

Thanks for the read!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #16, by Gabriella Hunter The Fury of the Flaming Fiendfyre

12th October 2015:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums here with your review and the beginning of our three-part swap. I'm sorry that I'm so late on this, real life got in the way and I wasn't able to get to this sooner. It was such a pain!

Wow, this story is taking a dark turn! Well, the previous chapters had their elements of being pretty dark anyway but this was really grim! I didn't expect this to happen either so I'm really curious to find out what the heck is going on. I thought the beginning of this was cleverly written because we're back to the girls swooning over boys and all of those normal things. I thought that Rose and Dom's dynamic was pretty interesting, I didn't really expect them to get along much but I really liked what you did here with them. Rose should stop poking people in the eye though, that could be dangerous. Hahaha. I am thankful though that she got a chance to spend time with Scorpy but on the other, I wish that they hadn't been left alone either. I mean, flaming death comes for them later and it would have been great if they had had some help!

Now, Harry's POV for one thing is really insightful and I am beginning to piece together what happened between Hermione and Ron. I'm kind of annoyed that Hermione just didn't tell Ron the truth and there were a few moments when I thought she was a little out of character. Can Ron really be that immature? I think that he wouldn't have been so angry if she had just told the truth so I think that I'm going to just keep reading and figure out if that's going to be discussed in more detail.

Anyway, I was really worried about Rose and Scorpius! That was scary and completely out of nowhere, which I really liked. I wasn't expecting it and for a moment I thought that something horrible was going to happen but instead, the end of this chapter hints at worse things to come. Rudolphos Lestrange? Where the heck did he come from? Why after all this time? Hm...

I shall see you in the next chapter!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #17, by MalfoysCarolinaGirl2010 The Wizard Ninja

2nd October 2015:
Back again. Again sorry it's taking me so long to get to your reviews RL has me running around like a maniac.

LOL I can't believe Fred left his butt behind. That is just TOO funny :D

You are able to switch PoVs seamlessly and it adds quality to the chapter as a whole.

I did notice a couple typos but overall they didn't really effect the readability of the chapter so really aren't worth mentioning.

You are developing the characters in a way that makes me laugh, cry, and freak out with them. I love being able to feel like I connect with the characters and I can with the way you portray them.

Overall I think you are doing a really good job with this story so far I really do look forward to reading what happens next and what trouble the kids get themselves into.

Peace, Love, and Tacos

Tasha

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Review #18, by MalfoysCarolinaGirl2010 Family Quidditch and The Lovegood's Nargle Dance

1st October 2015:
Back again :)

I like how you did 3 different PoVs here it was great to see how other members of the clan are spending their vacation. But I am shocked about the Divorce.

also Snape's alive?!?!?!?! I have mixed emotions on this one..I'm happy/shocked he's alive and at the same time I'm a little disturbed with trying to picture him dancing in a nightclub. (Good job on this one I did NOT see that coming)



I like the way you are modeling the children after their parents/uncle It fits really well with the story you are telling. I'm also wondering what part of Fred got left behind...

Well I'm off to go find out :)


Peace, Love, and Tacos

Tasha

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Review #19, by MalfoysCarolinaGirl2010 The City of Nargles

1st October 2015:
I'm back! Sorry it's taking so long to get to your reviews RL has decided to throw me a curve ball all of a sudden.

I'm glad to see they finally made it to Amsterdam and that there were no major issues, which for the Weasley family is saying a lot.

I like the way you are developing Hugo's character here. Some of his snarky comments make me laugh :)

Also Charades? Greatest party game ever!

It looks like the trip is going well so far other than Arthur's mistake asking about the taxis.

I'm really enjoying how this is coming together and I look forward to seeing what kind of trouble the teens get into.

One thing I did notice though is that you used the word Y'all at the end. This should be you all since Y'all is mostly a southern US thing(I could be wrong here I've lived in the South my whole life and never been further north than the Carolinas but I do know that it isn't used that frequently up north and then mostly by southern transplants)

Again I'm sorry it took me so long to get over here to review for you I'll try to do better next time :) Keep up the good work!

Peace, Love, and Tacos

Tasha

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Review #20, by MalfoysCarolinaGirl2010 On Their Way

29th September 2015:
Tasha here again for the reviews you requested.


I have to agree with the Weasley clan of all the places Arthur could have picked to go on vacation he chose Amsterdam?!?!?!?

I liked Molly's head smacks and George's reaction to having to leave the shop for a week. I also liked how you're connecting events from the books into your story with the diary and I'm curious to find out if that is an important detail to remember for future chapters. Also was it intentional to have Lucy forget her diary and then have Molly forget one too?

Again I noticed some typos and word choice errors and suggest getting a beta if you haven't already done so.

Overall I'm enjoying your concept and look forward to seeing what happens when the clan lands in Amsterdam.

Peace, Love, and Tacos

Tasha

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Review #21, by MalfoysCarolinaGirl2010 Meet the Weasley's!

29th September 2015:
Hey Tasha here from the Forums with the reviews you requested. :)

Fist of all I think you have an interesting concept with the Weasley clan (plus a LOT of extras) taking a muggle vacation. I think you hit the nail on the head with the personalities of several members of the Weasley/Potter clan and would love to see you develop the characters more as the story develops.

In my post on the forums, I mentioned that I'm horrible with grammar but while reading I did notice a few errors with word choice/placement. For example:

"It was a, for England, very uncharacteristically rainy day at the Burrow.

really this should be

"It was, for England, a very uncharacteristically rainy day at The Burrow. (While not 100% sure I think this is the correct way to write this sentence)

Also when you refer to the family as a whole you call them the Weasley's. this should be Weasleys with out the ' unless you are referring to them being in possession of something (ex the Weasley's property)

One other thing I noticed was that Dom, Rose, and me were more concerned" should be "Dom, Rose, and I were more concerned"

Other than what I just mentioned and a few typos, I think this has the potential to be something great and if you haven't already I would recommend getting a beta to pick up on things you might miss or not even notice.

Again I really like what you have going here and I'm interested to see what you come up with in the next chapters.

Peace, Love, and Tacos

Tasha

PS for the record I LOVE cliffhangers so I really LOVE the way you ended this chapter :)

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Review #22, by Gabriella Hunter Broken Bonds

22nd September 2015:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums and your wildest dreams with the last of our three-review swap! I had a really good time with this so we shall have to do it again! :D

I am so blown away by this! So many thins happened and I am so stuck on what will happen next that I can't think straight. I really liked that we got back into Hugo's head though and I was rooting for him to make a move on Lorriete in this chapter. I of course, love his narration though because he's such a blunt guy but I really loved that there was a trace of vulnerability about him here because he wanted to really break away from how he perceived himself. I thought that it was a good contrast that went along with how Ron was feeling and what the hell have you done to me? I was NOT expecting Harry's talk with Ron and Hermione to turn out the way that it did. I honestly didn't think that it would work out the way it did, Ron seems to be holding onto all of his old demons and while I felt for him, I couldn't help but be a little angry too. It's been almost thirty years and he's been silent for this long? What prompted this? He's blaming Hermione and I really want to know more about what SHE'S done. Did she cheat on him? Did she?! Argh, it's driving me crazy! And that fight--I was so upset and then Hermione knocked Ron out with a metal pipe. How is he not dead from that anyway? No blood? I mean...Gosh. I want to know more about that ASAP.

Now, Hugo and Louis fighting! I felt really bad for him too. Being passed over for someone as pretty as Louis all the time has to hurt and thinking that he's so mediocre, even to the girl that he likes (Now, she seemed quite apathetic about the whole thing if you ask me and I don't think she's worth all the trouble) has to hurt. I was surprised by the Dementor attack though! Poor Hugo! What's going to happen to him now? Agh, what a way to end a chapter though!

Thanks for the read!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #23, by Gabriella Hunter The Dementor Attack

22nd September 2015:
Hello!

This is Gabbie back for the second part of our three-chapter review swap! Thank you so much for agreeing to do this with me too, it means a lot to this old lady. :D

So, it seems like there are quite a few little things happening in this chapter.I like that we're bouncing back and forth with the POVs in this story, it helps to make the entire night more cohesive. It's one of those funny moments when you think that you're the only person going through something before realizing that the whole world is bigger than you. It's strange, but everyone is going through very different experiences at the club and I'm really curious to know more about how the night concludes. Not only did Louis nearly confess his love for Lorriete (I can't understand if she likes him back or not), Hugo got in the way and revealed that he liked her too. I thought that little section was pretty amusing, Hugo would deny it to the ends of the earth that he was in love with her but Louis saw through him easily. I do wonder which one of them will have to courage to confess and who will win in the end though. Hm...

Poor Molly! You know, she wasn't my favorite character in this story by a long shot but I really feel bad for her. I also think that her cousins kind of overlook her and I would really like to know why. I wonder if this is just some off shoot of them not really liking Percy? It's pretty unfair. I felt bad that Molly hated being in Hufflepuff though (I'm in that House and it's awesome!) and I wonder why she thinks so badly of herself. It's pretty sad that, added on to it, no one even believed that she had been attacked! Victoire and Lily may be used to her seeking attention but I wish that they would ask her why she acts that way. Also, what the heck prompted the Dementor attack? Where did it go? Why was it there? So many questions!

And Harry! He passed up an opportunity to get all adult with Ginny! Gasp! What on earth is he going to do about Ron and Hermione? I like that that was his main concern though, it really showed how much he cared about his two best friends but I doubt that he'll be able to fix this.

Onward to the next chapter!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #24, by Gabriella Hunter Weasley Partying!

22nd September 2015:
HellO!

This is Gabbie from the forums dropping by for our three-chapter swap! I would have started this yesterday but I was reading Attack on Titan and it kind of scarred me for life.

Anyhoo!

The adventures continue! I'm not sure whether this chapter was supposed to be mostly humor or not but I was rolling. Hugo's observations are always pure gold and I thought it was kind of amusing to see him being so awkward in such a posh setting. There's something weird about this club though and I'm not sure if that's going to come up again later on but what was up with all these identical people? First Snape's long lost relative and later on, that Teddy look-alike! I wonder if there are clues thrown in about that or if it's just something weird you wanted to include. I would like to know more about the Snape guy though, I feel like that might have some potential to be really interesting for the story. I'm sure that Harry would like to know more about him but I'm not sure if that's going to come up again. Hugo of course was so worried about being snogged or something that he almost got molested by another guy! I think I died laughing on that part, "I'll give you candy!" is going to stay with me for a while. I like the exaggerations that you make for them as well, each little thing is amplified to comical effect and I really enjoy it. I do wonder though what's going to happen to them all, I have a feeling that this clubbing escapade isn't going to end well. Dom almost gets her hopes up on this guy that looks like Teddy for one thing, I'm glad that she realized that she couldn't PRETEND to lavish her affections on a guy just because he was similar to someone she had a crush on. I am glad though that she wasn't impressed by him or his attitude and really happy that she tossed that phone in his face. Hahaha. Good girl!

Now, the last bits of this have me so worried! What on earth is going on? Lily and Molly are having a row (Filled with so many swears) and next thing you know, they're being attacked by something! What?! I have to know more so I'll be hopping on over to the next chapter now!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #25, by toomanycurls Broken Bonds

17th September 2015:
This is a slight carry over from a comment I made on a previous chapter about Hugo calling a relationship with Loriette incest - but - if he genuinely felt that it was incest he wouldn't change his mind overnight and accept his feelings for her (or if he did it would be very, very creepy).

I felt bad that no one listened to Arthur's call but his way of getting them to listen/come was amusing. :) That sounded like a long ways to walk, I hope there was stuff to see on the way. It does seem a bit inconsistent for Hugo to be as oblivious as Ron but then pick up on Molly's tone/look when she talks about Harry spending time with Ron and Hermione.

The Harry and Ron discussion and then fight was one of the most enjoyable scenes of this story so far from a characterization and plot development perspective. It's nice to see Ron's issues and motivations although, I feel some of his hurt feelings and pent up anger would have come up at some point before now. It was a lot to hold in and not express or let taint his relationships with other people. He has such a chip on his shoulder that I feel would have been resolved effectively by talking about this stuff 5-10 years previously. I mostly feel bad for him having internalized so much bitter feeling and hatred. It's nice to see Harry defend Hermione but it's another area where I feel that two best friends would have leveled on Ron's feelings about Hermione before now. Having Hermione cast a protego charm between them feels a bit too reminiscant of Deathly Hallows (from a plot/action perspective) but it's probably for the best that she stepped in. It also feels a bit too DH-like to have Ron run off after a fight but I'm sure it'll result in something interesting come future chapters.

Hugo's POV section in the end was one of the better done sections for him in quite a while. He went past just being a sarcastic, bitter kid and felt like he gave more depth to the narration than his negative feelings and viewpoints on his family. Audrey seemed quite annoying but everyone probably has an annoying aunt. I didn't quite get what pushed Hugo to fight with Louis over Loriette liking one more than the other. It's a bit more machismo than I'd expect to see from Hugo. I feel bad that Loriette doesn't like him in the same way (or perhaps that she's beguiled by Louis' 1/4 veela heritage) but he's so aggressively angry with Louis that it doesn't seem like anything good will come from it. At least I can't see Loriette being impressed by the violence he shows or thinking that angry outburts are a winning characteristic.

The dementer attack had a nice bit of action to it. From the books, I was under the impression that only the patronus charm could make them go away or have any impact on them. Either way, the action was nicely done. Hugo seems quite well practiced using magic in a hostile situation, more so than I'd expect at his age and assuming he hasn't gone through what his dad and uncle did in school.

I did expect Hugo to live through a bad memory, even if he was using magic to fight off the dementers, before he faded to black. I guess there was the Louis/Loriette moment he saw before fighting them.

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