54 Reviews Found

Review #1, by FriendofMolly Chapter 12: Lavender Brown

10th April 2017:
oldershouldknowbetter,
This chapter was very well done. That you brought all 4 houses together, shows just how much the nightmare year brought the school together, at least in an underground way. Everyone was targeted and hurt. Thank you for this.
FoM

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Review #2, by Slaidba Chapter 12: Lavender Brown

9th April 2017:
Nice! Kept pressing that next button, now I'm sad I cannot press that. It's a good story, keep up the good work.

Author's Response: Thank you very much. I have enjoyed writing it. It's full of my head cannon and logical extrapolations of what Harry might do after the events of the books. There will definitely be more chapters to come.

Meanwhile, if you don't mind Rose and Scorpius tales, I do have another ongoing story ...


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Review #3, by Aurorofthelight Chapter 12: Lavender Brown

30th March 2017:
Really enjoying your story so far! Great angle!
I always felt that DH the book made it more likely Lavender survived the battle. It was Steve Kloves movie script that suggested she died. And we all know what a mess he made of some of the movies! Keep it coming! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Author's Response: Hello, thanks for reading and I'm glad to hear that you have enjoyed what I've written so far.

By angle, do you mean the goblin stuff? If so, thanks. I always felt that there were some injustices left after the events of the books, especially the final ones. To my mind, Harry would want to make amends or at least help out in the areas that he could. Hence the damage to Gringotts. Some of the way the non-humans were treated in the wizarding world didn't sit right with me, it was so obvious that in that society they were second class citizens - no, after half-bloods, muggle borns, they would be fourth class citizens at best. In some ways that's OK, a big theme in the books was showing how unjust that stuff was. But Harry was shown to be better than that. The destruction of Gringotts was passed off as, 'oh well, these things happen, it was for something noble so that excuses it.' That didn't sit right with me, and from my understanding of the character of Harry, it wouldn't sit right with him and he would want to amend it.

I felt the same too, about the survival of Lavender - I thought she lived happily ever after - but it wasn't from the movie script that I got the suggestion that Lavender died, it was from the mouth of JKR herself. In one of those many interviews/Q&A's that she did, she states that, when asked about the matter, 'I don't really think she survived, do you?' Also, she was a consultant on the films and had a fair bit of sway when it came to some of the things that happened in them - I don't think a named character's death would be one that the producers/writers/director didn't ask her about first, do you?

Anyway, as I said, I thought she survived and was happy to let her life and be happy, but after I read about her 'death', I thought of just how the characters would react to it. Once I did, I just couldn't not write it because there is a lot of angst and characterisation to be made from it.

There will be more to come, I have another chapter in the pipeline, one a lot happier than this one, so please come back for more.

In the mean time, if you don't mind Rose and Scorpius tales, I do have another ongoing story ...


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Review #4, by Ronald8472 Chapter 11: Truth and Ice-Cream

28th December 2016:
I like how you handled that conversation between Ron and Harry. I can't help but wonder how this latest death will affect Ron's new found confidence.

Author's Response: Thanks so much.

After my readers pointed out that something needed to be said between the two friends ideas started percolating through my mind. I had to think: what about Harry doing all that he has would have been the thing that would have gotten to Ron? Once I did that, I realised the new dynamic between the two friends that would need to be established for them to have a healthy relationship from now on.

The death will shake him up a bit, it will take a while for everyone to get over it fully, I believe.

Thanks for the review, I hope to get the next chapter out within a month or so.


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Review #5, by FriendofMolly Chapter 11: Truth and Ice-Cream

23rd December 2016:
oldershouldknowbetter,
Maybe, just maybe Harry kept things to himself because he wasn't always sure of what he was doing, yet felt he needed to do. Growing up he had to keep everything to himself, for fear of criticism and punishment. He was also taught by Dumbledore to keep things to himself. He also knew that Ron had grown up hating the Malfoy's for the way his family was treated. Harry though disliking Draco, could see how he was trapped into the world his dad controlled. But it was good that Ron spoke up. I did find something sly about Fabian Fortescue. And that lawyer is definitely not being entirely truthful. Definitely not totally upfront. But you were right this chapter needed to be written.
FoM
PS RIP Lavender Brown

Author's Response: Hello there, once again.

Here you are responding to my response to those who responded to my previous chapters. ;)

I see all the points you are raising as to why Harry kept secrets during the JKR books and ... I basically agree with all of them. All of them are good points, but for the purposes of this story, I had to narrow them down somewhat. Ron alludes to the fact that Harry had to keep his secrets, he knows that he had to, it's just now, there is no reason to anymore - not between good friends such as they who have been through so much together. I also had to have some good reason that Harry never mentioned Ron's reaction before in the story. The fact that Harry got caught up in doing what he thought was right and didn't tell anybody, especially Ron, just seemed right. It fits in with some of the things you mentioned too.

My readers pointed the omission out to me, but I'm glad they did. This exchange is a necessary one, one that needs to have happened to put the two friends on an equal footing. To go forward, to have any decent character for Ron he has to cease being the sidekick to Harry. He has to be his own man and one important step on that path is Harry treating him as such.

I really didn't want to have Fabian seeming to be sly. I basically wrote him for a few reasons, but one of the main ones was a comment I heard of JKR's. Where she said that the one death she regretted was that of Florean Fortescue. It was certainly a random, background sort of death, one that didn't play a major part, but to say that was the one death she regretted writing didn't sit right with me. I wanted to show that it did leave its mark. It did effect the world beyond the narrow confines of what we got to witness in the books.

As well as to show my take on how Harry was going to be treated post the end of the War.

As to the Lawyer, what lawyer is ever completely truthful? But we shall see some more of him in some of the chapters to come.

It was originally my intent to leave Lavender alive - probably with Finnegan - but then I read that JKR said she was almost certainly dead, from her battle with Greyback. Once I did think it though all these beautiful scenes came to me. Beautiful being an operative word, harrowing and heartfelt could be others. Not to spoil things terribly much, but the next chapter is going to be devoted to the end of Miss Brown. I hope to get it out by the end of Jan, beginning of Feb.

See you then.


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Review #6, by FriendofMolly Chapter 10: Weasley's Wizard Wheezes

16th October 2016:
oldershouldknowbetter,
As intrinsic as the Goblin chapters were, this chapter was a much needed reminder of the rest of the Magical world. So much to be considered, the missing DE's, the Grangers, and of course our beloved Weasleys. So thank you so very much for giving us this bit of the rest. It was truly enjoyable to read.
FoM
PS Don't make us wait too long.

Author's Response: Yes, the goblin chapters were necessary, but even I felt that they dragged on a bit. There was characterisation there, to be sure, of our main players, as well as containing some pertinent actions that had to be done before the story could move on, but I am glad the story has in fact moved on. There will be some more goblin stuff, especially when Lightsthefire gets her wand, but it will be leavened with other action as well. I never realised, going into this story, just how big a part goblins would play in it from having Harry make that one altruistic action of letting one come to Hogwarts. I still stand by it, as a wrong that he could correct and would correct, given his selfless nature, but that one action would have, and has had, some definite ramifications that have had to be addressed.

The missing DE's, the missing Grandparents, what will happen to the Weasleys in the fallout from the events in the closing hours of the war: so many stirrings of plot, hey? I think, with this chapter, the story has entered it's middle phase, the beginning events have occurred and we can now move safely on.

As to the next chapter, it is in the hands of my beta, the wonderful Pix, and I hope to get it out sometime in the middle of next month.

Thanks, as always, for the wonderful review.


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Review #7, by FriendofMolly Chapter 9: Politicians and Smiths

5th September 2016:
oldershouldknowbetter,
My head is spinning at the complexities of Goblin culture. But all in all the Magical community will be better for this to have happened.
FoM

Author's Response: Hi again.

I hope that your head is not spinning too much. I tried to make everything logical and carry on from what we knew, or what I'd established previously and what made sense. If you have any things that you want to know, things that might be unclear, then please let me know in the next of your wonderfully regular comments. Even though the next chapter is not one that has much to do with goblins at all (finally, I hear some of my readers say).

Not only does this follow on from some of my head cannon; not only does it follow on from what I believe Harry, with his good nature, would do if he thought of it; but, I agree with you, the whole magical community would be better off if it happened. It's something that Harry says - all that death and destruction must have been for something good, and not just to lapse back into the way things were.

Anyway, glad you are still enjoying things. And next time, well that'd be Sunday and we know that Weasley's Wizard Wheezes is reopening then, don't we. See you then.


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Review #8, by Ronald8472 Chapter 8: The Goblin Feast

1st September 2016:
I'm wondering Mrs. Weasley's prohibition on “any Hanky Panky with my daughter” Does it apply @ 12 Grimmauld Place? Harry's response “I swear to you that I’m not going to get up to any... Um, anything untoward with your daughter, apart from a bit of kissing and cuddling.” does leave the loophole of if Ginny were to start it it wouldn't be untoward right? If so then a scene of Ron and Hermione sneaking off to snog and catching them in the spot they were about to use... I mean if there ever was a reason to use a bat-bogey hex it would be that kind of interruption.

I liked seeing the Lightsthefire character in Pride and Scorpius. Seeing the difference the years have made and all.

Author's Response: Oh, wow, you are reading both stories, fantastic. I mean, everyone who reads one, should read the other as they form two parts of the one whole - events begun in this story are developed and have their ramifications seen in the other one. But I am not sure how many of my readers are. I'm very glad for this notification of at least one.

Mrs. Weasley's prohibition was not really necessary, not for Harry anyway. So he could easily give his promise that there wouldn't be any. Harry would know that the prohibition is a blanket one and would apply to Grimmauld place as much as it would apply to the Burrow, as much as to Hogwarts even.

But you do pick up a salient point, does Ginny know about this? It is a point well realised and hits close to the eventual happenings, that we shall see in an upcoming chapter. As for them being caught by Ron and Hermione, I think that the opposite might be closer to the mark.

Yes, it was meant to be obvious the difference the years, and a similar amount of experience have made to the character of Lightsthefire. She was the path breaker then, and one can see that she is still doing so now, albeit behind the scenes. In the next chapter we shall see more of the younger Slimshanks, and you can compare that to the one that meets Rose at the New Year's party. Time will have changed him as well.

I'm glad you are reading both, and I can say that I will be updating this one in the coming week.


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Review #9, by FriendofMolly Chapter 8: The Goblin Feast

13th August 2016:
oldershouldknowbetter,
This chapter was excellent! How things are changing? It seems that more than Wizards were waiting the outcome. It was also lovely to see Molly and Arthur go out for a much needed evening out.
FoM
I can't wait for the next.

Author's Response: Hey there, sorry for not responding to this sooner - it sort of got lost and left in abeyance. Well, I'm here to make amends now.

Thanks for the Kudos, I got half way through writing this chapter and wondered why I was bothering. I didn't think that it advanced the plot or was needed or a host of other things. It got so bad that I had to split the chapter in two (this is the first part, then next chapter is the second) and I also went on and wrote the three chapters following this one before I dragged myself back to finally finishing this one. But it says some things that I want it to, it sets up some other things and some of it is fun (I hope). My beta, the wonderful Pix, said I was worrying over nothing and that it was fine - as well as offering up some other salient points of advice.

I never originally planned for this story to have so much goblin stuff in it. I always knew it would start with Harry correcting what I knew he would want to address - the unfairness (if not downright illegality) of breaking into Gringotts, destroying half the place, and not having to face a reprimand because they were 'only' goblins. It also fitted my head cannon about 'Goblin Made' items and was a logical way to put it in. But then the logical train just kept rolling, if this happens then the reaction to it/consequence of it will be this, and then so on. So that what I have is now nine chapters of a Harry Potter story, and five of them are very heavy on the goblins. (When the next chapter comes, which will be soon, it will be six out of ten chapters about goblins).

Yeah, it was nice to give the Weasley parents a bit of a gift, since everything has been a bit dire for them for some time. I thought it would be good for them to get out together, as well as tying in to Mr. Weasley's job - reinforcing the point that I made in an earlier chapter, about how his job crosses over into lots of the other ones in the Ministry and how he's always getting favours because of it.

As I said the next should be soon. Thanks for the lovely comments.


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Review #10, by FriendofMolly Chapter 7 Hemlines and Headlines

26th April 2016:
oldershouldknowbetter,
Thank you for the update. You brought up a very unique element. The trials of the combatants.
It was a Battle and they were defending Hogwarts. In Molly's case it's purely self defense. I look forward to your next.
FoM

Author's Response: Thanks again for a lovely review. I'm so glad I'm back to this story and I'm sorry about the wait.

I really thought that it would be a factor, that when any person who dies at the wand of a witch or wizard, there would be an investigation and if the perpetrator found, a trial. The fact that this didn't happen so often under the 'rule' of Voldemort says much.

So while Molly is anxious about her trial, more so than she lets on in this chapter, she is sanguine about it's necessity. It was self defence, but not purely so, because it was also the mother's urge to protect her children. Both will play a part in her eventual trial. In responding to your review, I've had some lovely thoughts as to what I'll do about her trial, so thank you as I hadn't really given much thought about it's actual inclusion.

So thanks so much for the review, and I hope that an update will not be a year in the coming - I have written up to chapter thirteen, but I have not finished the next chapter. I was about to write it so I'll go off to do so now.


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Review #11, by long_live_luna_bellatrix Chapter 5 : Back to the Burrow

6th March 2016:
Hi! I'm back again, to continue non-anonymously, and this time for the HPFF Review-a-Thon!

One thing you did really well at the start of this chapter was reminding the reader right away that even though Harry has arranged for something absolutely momentous to happen, wizard-goblin relations are by no means instantly smoothed. It's not that I was expecting that to happen or anything, not at all, but I do think it was an excellent choice to get into that right away with the moment with Bill and Slimshanks at the beginning. It was a sobering reminder to the readers to not get too comfortable yet! Following that up with Alicia's reaction worked really well too, in her case as a contrast to the goblins' reactions from earlier chapters. Once again, none of this is coming as a surprise-- more as a, "Wow, I'm not sure if I'd have thought of that myself or not, but it makes so much sense I can't imagine it any other way!" type moment.

"Gringott's has two t's by the way..." Hilarious line. I love the small bits of humor sprinkled in here.

The moment with the photograph of Harry and Lighsthefire was lovely. I thought it was great how you suddenly pulled way back from the present to comment on how famous the photo would become-- it really added a gravity to the moment. Plus, it's such a Harry thing to do-- to do a totally selfless and kind thing, of his own accord, not meaning for anyone to see, and then for the evidence to be preserved for all time. I think this is the kind of thing that used to drive Ron nuts when they were in school together!

The moment with Mrs. Weasley's knee jerk reaction was a little surprising, but it also goes to confirm everything I said above about this not being an easy task. Why did you choose for her to be the one with that reaction, out of curiosity? I think I can picture it-- a woman raised in an entirely magical household, imbued with a wizarding prejudice totally unconsciously... But I'd be curious to hear more of your thoughts.

It was nice to see some of the more light-hearted reunions and family/friend moment as well. I thought Harry and Ginny's reunion was lovely, but perhaps also a little overemphasized. It was very cinematic, but also read a little as if they'd been apart for years and years, rather than what was perhaps a few weeks? It might help if you focused more on their dialogue in that moment, and less on the usual "lovey-dovey" things like brushing hair out of the other person's eyes.

And wow! That prank! I have to say, it was absolutely up to the twins' normal standards. Bravo. It was incredible. However, I admit that I found it a little confusing in the moment in terms of what was physically happening. I think my confusion began with the strange word Harry thought of when George "choked"-- I still don't entirely understand what that means. It kind of distracted me from what was going on. Then I guess I never truly thought George had died, given his goofy dialogue where he almost slips up on the floating/standing bit. And I wasn't sure if you wanted me, as a reader, to be fooled or not. Perhaps the whole thing would be helpful if you could include some more of Harry's emotions throughout: his horror, his shock, a sudden moment of grief before suspicion... Then I as a reader will know how to feel too.

Overall, however, it was another excellent chapter, and I think it was nice to move settings too-- it helped the story also feel as though it had crossed a major bridge. I'm still really enjoying it!

Author's Response: I thought that there would be so many different reactions to this event which is really ground-shatteringly momentous in one way, but really quite prosaic in another; all that is happening in one real respect, is that another eleven year-old girl is going to Hogwarts. The reactions of Humans (and goblins too) would run the full gamut from ecstatically happy, through 'so what', to 'it'll doom us all.' So I tried to fit different reactions to different characters in a logical manner. Half-bloods, especially if they have been brought up more in the Muggle world, probably wouldn't care that much. Muggleborns would probably care even less. So I used the presence of Alicia, who for my purposes I've made a half-blood, to illustrate this. Bill, who has a long history working with goblins, has long thought it unfair, but just accepted it as the status-quo not thinking that it could ever be changed. Slimshanks is worried about what it might do to those humans who worked for them or with them willingly whilst they were 'second class' so to speak. Now that goblins will be allowed to use wands, will these human wizards suddenly turn on them?

So yes, not everything will be smooth sailing, but in a year or two, when it's just one little goblin girl with six more years of study to go then I think things will calm down.

I like that idea of a captured, private moment, something which was done without thought of how it might appear to anyone else. I can see it appealing to people like Mrs. Weasley, honest and good people. An older person, who has seen more than his fair share of evil, comforting a younger person who is scared of the daunting challenges of the future. That it is a human and a goblin is irrelevant in the wider scheme of things.

As to Mrs. Weasley's reaction, what you said is fairly spot on and there is not much more to say, except for two things. I think that hers would be the standard reaction amongst the majority of people brought up in the wizarding community. It would be just one of those assumed little prejudices that they had all grown up with. Once they get over the initial shock, I then think that they’d come around to the fact that it isn't really so bad after all. For the purposes of my story I just had to have her experience the highs and lows in very quick succession. For most it might take longer. For instance, I can see a politician as canny as Slimshanks, organising another photo op at Christmas where Lightsthefire publicly and warmly thanks all the witches of Britain who have written to her in support (even if in reality there hadn’t been many). That sort of thing would win over the readers of Witch Weekly in a heartbeat.

And the second thing, remember when Sirius was revealed at the end of GOF? It was Mrs. Weasley who jumped and exclaimed at his presence. I was remembering that aspect of her character when I wrote her reactions.

Oh yeah, the reunion is a bit over the top and I like how you called it cinematic as that was my intent. I kind of like it though. One thing with it, that perhaps I wrote too subtly, was that Harry had been holding himself back from her a bit too much; emotionally speaking. He had all this stuff that he wanted to do, felt that he needed to do, and like he was prone to do in the books took it upon himself and left the others out of it. I tried to show Ginny's reaction to that here, and we will find out Ron's in an upcoming chapter.

I always thought it was a natural thing to have Fred come back as a ghost. So if he did then I felt sure George would use it in a prank somehow.

Thanks for the cc: there is a crucial place where Harry's reactions should be detailed, I will go and amend it. Was eldritch the word you got stuck on? It basically means magical and occult. Also the audience was meant to be fooled by the prank, but also to receive all the clues that Harry did that it wasn't real too.

And yes, it does feel like a turning point for the story, which it should be.


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Review #12, by Secret Cupid Chapter 4: Lightsthefire

14th February 2016:
I have to say, when I was about to start chapter three, and I saw this chapter’s description was that we finally get to meet the goblin witch, well, I was bummed that it wasn’t going to happen in chapter three. But it was worth the wait! Plus, you’ve paced everything out so wonderfully already, I really have no cause to worry.

I’m really intrigued by this whole machine gun/ninja sword business. I was curious about it before, but now it seems inevitable that that will come into play in some way. The comment about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was amusing, too.

It’s so interesting that the goblins denote things as “potential hostile” or “imminent threat level”. It’s almost as if they live in a state of perpetual warfare, minus the actual war. Perhaps that’s what it’s like when you’re an intelligent magical creature in the wizarding world?

And wow, that was such an interesting explanation of goblin made artifacts! Seriously, this entire story feels too clever. It all fits in among various canon ideas so well, it’s frightening. I’m in awe. I don’t really have a head canon for things, but I feel like this might just join what little I have. It makes perfect, perfect sense. It's absolutely fitting that that's the kernel of an idea that began this story.

That bit about the note from Harry to the goblins asking them to destroy the Horcrux just floored me. Totally hilarious!!

One thing I found so, so interesting about this chapter (and I suppose ones previous as well) was the fact that Lightsthefire’s reputation totally preceded her. I mean, we learned a ton about her as a character, and long before we even met her! That was an interesting trick, to give us one perception and to give it early on. But then, when we finally met her, and Harry laid out all the similarities between her life and his, I felt like we got a whole new side of her. I truly felt like she was going to be given a new home, much the way Harry had when he was eleven. It was such a touching scene. And you don’t have to worry, I don’t think she was overshadowed by Stampofiron.

“And what’s more girls, the first goblin wizard is a witch...” Great, great line. I didn't include all of it in order to keep the review at a 12+ rating, but it speaks for itself. Enough said.

…I’m afraid this is the last review I have time to complete before the gift giving window closes! I’m sorry I wasn’t able to leave a bigger bunch for you all at once, but I will absolutely be back to finish this story! And I will hope to start Pride and Scorpius at some point as well. So, for the hundredth time, I hope you enjoy these reviews, and I am so pleased that I was assigned to be your Secret Cupid! I had a fantastic time reading and reviewing this story, it has been so engaging and utterly fascinating from the start. You’ve really got a good thing going here. I hope you continue to update it-- I'll be sure to come back for more if you do!

All best,

Your Secret Cupid

Author's Response: Ah the last of my secret Cupid reviews - I loved them all so much, thank you lllb.

The thing that I thought about the goblin situation is that they are a relatively small community, living in perilous conditions - underground - and are caught between two much larger and more powerful ones: that of the Muggle world; and that of the Wizard one. Plus they are in a bad position too - their lives, by their very natures, must belong more to the wizarding world, but they are barred from full membership by their inability to do the magic that wizards can. As such they need to be able to defend themselves from the predations of both wizards and muggles. Hence the armaments - ones that will work around magic and some where magic is not an issue. So all the threat level stuff is not just reactions against wizards, but Muggles that stumble upon them too.

Harry has a bit more pop-culture stuff than a lot of his friends and most of it he would have seen over the shoulder of Duddly.

And finally I get to put in what started me down this whole path, the obvious things to me about goblin made items. JKR not only established, but they were a fundamental part of her story, that items could be imbued with part of someone's soul. It was just so logical to me that something which on the face of things should be inanimate, the only way that it could 'take on those things which make it better/stronger' would be if there was some intelligence somewhere - and a portion of soul just made sense. If there was an evil way to do it, it seems logical that there could be a good way to do it too, but for a different (and positive) effect.

I always like bits where the complicated plans are revealed to have been unnecessary after all. I'm so glad that the humor that I intended came across as well.

You have been catching a lot of my intentions with this story. The picture that is painted of people before hand is often filtered through the perceptions of others and related actions. When the person is finally encountered they can be quite different than haw they have been portrayed. I wanted to make her receiving the letter special and I'm glad that came across.

As well, when I thought how it would play out, I realised that it would have some very real parallels to how Harry was before he got his letter. It was a point of connection between the two that I couldn't but help to explore a little.

Thanks, Stampofiron is a strong independant woman in a predominantly male society - she has had to do things tough sometimes (I feel that her language is a reflection of that). It just felt right to have her affirm that to her staff.

So thanks again, these wonderful reviews have certainly reconnected me to this story and made me keen to type up (the next two chapters are actually written) and update soon.







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Review #13, by Secret Cupid Chapter3: Titles and Relatives and Friends

14th February 2016:
The explanation of the goblin titles and ranks was so interesting! And, once again, you used conversation to seamlessly insert an explanation into the story that could otherwise have slowed things way down. Seriously, you are doing such a good job with dialogue! Now, I’m always happy to suggest that you challenge yourself, and try to write chapters that are less dialogue-heavy, but honestly it’s working so well for this story that there’s no reason at all to change it. Perhaps just as a future endeavor it’s something to consider. ;)

I thought this was a really fascinating line: “Again he was struck by how he’d come here just to give but received a lot in return.” I feel like you could get into some really deep, philosophical or sentimental ideas with this one. I’m not going to go down that path. :P But I definitely stopped to think about it for a second.

I guess that brings me to a real question, though. As much as I admire Harry in everything he’s done so far, I’m beginning to feel like he’s almost too perfect. He’s been so selfless, so diplomatic, and so thoughtful up until now. Aside from being a little clueless about various goblin things (and you can’t blame him for that) it’s hard to find something wrong with him! And as much as I love him, he’s that much more interesting a character because in the books he has some significant issues to overcome. I’d enjoy getting a glimpse of some of his more complicated parts. (That said, please feel free to correct me if I’m wrong and have totally missed something! That’s entirely possible.)

HA. I nearly laughed out loud when Truearm dramatically flipped up his collar to reveal the S.P.E.W. badge. What incredible timing you have! For a moment I was afraid that he was going to reveal a Dark Mark or something (even though that would be a pretty irrational thing for him to have). You really got me there! Well done indeed. I don’t even know if you intended that moment to be full-on hilarious, but, well, that was how it came across to me. And it was in the best way possible. (Not to mention, that was a great way to explain why they suspected he’d been talking to Hermione) (However, I’m bummed we won’t learn what’s in the parcel for many chapters!)

And oh, wow, that was an incredible ending to a chapter. Absolutely heart wrenching, in the good kind of way. When Harry first started remembering the days after the battle, I was concerned that he was going to be remembering something that he’d already recounted in conversation. And then McGonagall mentioned that she always sent out the letters to goblins, even though they were suppressed-- I liked learning that. And then, then the comparison to Uncle Vernon trying to keep the letters from Harry, and Hagrid hand-delivering it… Well, my heart just about melted. That is fantastically clever of you, and you pulled it off beautifully. What a great moment. All the more interesting given that you came up with that with your beta, when it all fits so perfectly that I originally assumed you’d had that in mind from the start.

Once again, a lovely chapter full of interesting moments! Can’t wait to read on.

- Your Secret Cupid

Author's Response: OK, I am here to do this again - I was doing them on my phone the other day and accidentally wiped out this response. So I shall try to replicate what I wrote the last time.

I needed a way to tell not only Harry, but also the readers, just what I was implying with the various goblin titles. Having Truearm take pity upon the young, confused man in front of him was an easy choice.

I do suppose that it is one fault of this story, that it will be quite conversation driven. In the JKR books, a lot more exciting things were happening to Harry; he was out and about adventuring and discovering. Conversation was not so important to the moving forward of the plot - though it was used to do so, it wasn't the only way the plot was advanced. In my story it will not be filled with much action, largely it will be people meeting other people and talking about stuff. So the conversations will be paramount. Also it is far more the way I think about the story, as a thread running through the different conversations of the various characters. There is a difference in the ratio of dialogue in the other story, but my stuff will quite often be based around talking heads.

Ha, I don't know how deeply philosophical I was being, but being as selfless as he is, I don't think that he expected to walk away with anything except their promise that they wouldn't go after his friends.

It is one problem with my writing, that I tend to make everyone too perfect and the situations resolve happily and well. It's something I have to struggle against. But one thing about Harry is that I believe that something special happened on his journey into the forest, willingly to meet his death, knowing he had to die at the hands of Voldemort to ensure his eventual defeat. IN my mind, he purged himself of all his old petty hatreds and any ill feeling towards everyone. Out of that crucible he was cast anew. So he is a bit perfect, and he was very selfless even before that - as Dumbledore said to him.

But also, two things. One, the first chapters really take place only over the course of one morning. And two, he really doesn't have many concerns at the moment. We will see a greater range of emotions with him, but he is largely a happy man in a happy place.

Ah the S.P.E.W. badge, I worked hard to make that reveal as good as it could possibly be. I thought it only natural to believe that a species in a particular situation would be interested in the plight of a different species in a similar situation. What might help House-elf rights, could concievably aid the rights of goblins.

It was such a beneficial thing, my beta at the time said that it was lacking something at the end of the chapter - there needed to be a bit more about something at that point. I had a thought about it and realised that we needed to know why this hadn't been done before by McGonagall. We know her to be fair and unbiased, her character would have wanted anyone to attend Hogwarts that had enough magical ability, regardless of race, colour or creed. I think it works, and it also fits in with the ingrained prejudices that JKR established that the wizarding world has.

It was also a good way to connect Harry to the goblin girl. It would have been so similar to him, the positions that they were both in. I can just imagine the strength of purpose it would have lent him as he saw the address of the goblin girl, taking him back to the time that he lived in 'the cupboard under the stairs.' We will see some more of this next chapter.


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Review #14, by Secret Cupid Chapter 2: Goblin Made and Goblin Smiths

14th February 2016:
Ah okay, the line of questioning at the beginning of this chapter clears away all of my questioning from my previous review. The line of political reasoning that Truearm explained made complete sense, and on the whole it demonstrated what an extremely shrewd group of goblins Harry was dealing with. That whole exchange was fascinating. Often times it can be hard to read chapters that consist entirely of a single conversation, and in fact, if someone had told me ahead of time that that’s how some of your chapters are, I would have been nervous. But you excel at dialogue! There’s no need for anyone to have any reservations when it comes to approaching the conversations you write. They completely advance the plot, they completely develop characters, and there’s consistently so much more going on than just words being said (as in, people trying to read each other’s expressions, people trying to manipulate others, etc). It’s such a joy to read.

Just so you know, in case my reviews begin to sound disjointed or strange, I’m more or less composing them as I read. So the above paragraph was all written even before Harry and goblins reached the point in the conversation when they discussed the fact that the goblin wizard would have to wait seven years to become a full wizard, subject to wizarding laws, and that the goblins would have all that time to bargain with the Ministry. Wow! That part took it to a whole new level. I mean, talk about clever. It’s clear that you put a lot of thinking into this. How did you go about planning it all out? I’m so curious.

One small part where I got confused was when one of the goblins asked all the other goblins for their consent or disagreement to the deal. At first I thought it was Harry asking for everyone’s opinion, because of the line: “Harry was once again brought to the conclusion that this taller goblin must know Hermione was involved somehow.” The next thing that happens is a “he” asks everyone for their opinion, and since that’s an ambiguous pronoun, I had some trouble following. That could be cleared up simply with replacing the pronoun with a name.

You’ve also done a fantastic job with controlling the tension throughout the chapter. As I’ve already mentioned, most of that is done through the flow of the conversation, which is admirable. But you also do a great job of bringing in more surprises and complications at every turn: for instance, when Harry took out the acceptance letter, I was just as shocked and pleased as the other goblins. To tell you the truth, I’m dying to meet the new goblin witch too!

Lovely ending to the chapter. Not quite a cliffhanger, but still indicating that more is to come. The only part that perhaps detracted from it was Truearm’s mention of Harry’s girlfriend… That comment came across as a little strange to me. It didn’t sound like something a senior official of goblin society would say when directing his subordinates. It does, however, sound like a clever little joke. So if it was intended that way, maybe you could show in Harry’s reaction that he takes it as a joke, or as a way to lighten the official mood? Because it definitely wasn’t as official as everything else he was saying.

I’m so looking forward to the next chapter. I also hope we learn how they knew about Hermione without Harry ever mentioning her… Fantastic job!!! I’m so happy that you were assigned to be my Secret Cupid recipient, otherwise it might have taken more so much longer to discover this story.

- Your Secret Cupid

Author's Response: So, again, this is me not dumbing down goblins. If one were to meet with the human political leaders of a country/society, they would be shrewd and canny wouldn't they. I give no less respect to goblins.

Yes, some of my beta readers have pointed out how 'single character dialogue' heavy some of my chapters are. And you know, I always think that dialogue is one of my weakest points, I struggle with it constantly, second guessing myself. To read your praise of it is really quite wonderful.

One of my friends was a writer of TV and stuff (I say was because he died tragically young) and he said some things to me that have stayed with me. I think of things very visually, as I'm writing. The emotions that I'm saying in my mind, convey as much about what the character means as do the actual words. So I have to put all of that emotion in to get across what I really mean. My friend, because he wrote for TV he said that you can never have people just standing around or sitting down and talking to each other. It happens in real life, but you cannot have it on TV or it serves to disengage the audience: you have to have them cooking or cleaning or fiddling with an item or something. So that the audience isn't just chewing through stale dialogue.

Don't worry, that is how I write reviews too. I don't think it stange or disjointed at all.

I don't know how clever I've been because it all arose from the initial premise that I had and did so along logical lines. If I was going to have goblins be equal to humans and allow some to attend hogwarts along with their human counterparts, then logically it follows that they would then have to be treated the same as humans - all the positives and negatives that go along with it: the statute of secrecy; the ban of the use of underage magic; etc. So it was me taking a thread of possibility and drawing out the logical ramifications of it; if it occured then what would folow?

I re-read that section and it is a bit unclear. I will go back and clarify things, thanks for that.

Thanks, to say that I have controlled the flow of the chpter well, means so much to me. I wanted those ups and downs. They are all talking about such emotionally weighted stuff, there would be a lot of tense emotions. Harry, after all, is pointing out that the human wizards have been perpetrating a massive injustice upon goblin kind for centuries - it would have to cause some strong emotions. I couldn't see him going all that way and offering all that he had without being able to back it up - otherwise it truly would have only been words and ultimately worthless. I loved writing the 'reveal' of the letter and I'm glad that resonated with you.

I might have a look at that section where Truearm talks of Ginny. One of the things is, and I've not made it as obvious as it's importance should be, is that Truearm is significantly younger than the other goblins there - the banker and the politician. He will sometimes lapse into a bit less formality than his seniors will. He outranks them by his nature, not by his seniority or his experience. It's not stated do clearly here, but more of it is made in the next chapter.

Ah, How do they know of Hermione ... well we shall just have to read on, shan't we.


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Review #15, by Secret Cupid Chapter 1: Harry on trial

14th February 2016:
Hello again!

So, all I really knew about this story going in was that it was going to have a lot of goblins in it. And I wanted to point out the moment in this chapter that I knew you’d put a significant amount of effort into goblin society: It’s when Bill says, “I have to warn you I think they’d be insulted if mere gold was all you had.” That right there already rang so true with all that we know from JK Rowling about goblins: their pride, the immense value they place in what they create. The sentence just felt right. I knew I was in for something good!

One thing that surprised me was Griphook’s manner of speaking. I always picture the goblins to be such a regal and formal group, and so when he spoke in a more informal accent, I was a little taken aback. What was the purpose of giving him that? I’m intrigued.

Also, once again, it seems like a typical Harry thing to do to go in and try and take all the punishment for something in order to protect his friends. Not that it’s necessarily a good thing; rather, I think you’ve nailed that part of Harry’s character as well. Sometimes he gets it into his head that he has to do something all himself-- and the idea of him going to the goblins and pleading to take sole blame makes a lot of sense to me.

I really loved hearing about what Hermione had coached Harry to say. There was so much conversational know-how going on there and it was so clever! You wrote all that really well; I could really see everything as it played out.

Huh. It was interesting the way the chapter ended. I’m not entirely sure if I get it (Sorry if I’m being dense). So that guard is actually a “secret” member of the goblin council too? Is that why Slimshanks looked to him? Or is he still just a guard? And why is he so concerned with the idea that Harry might have asked the Ministry for more than just the right for goblins to go to Hogwarts? I guess I’ll have to read on…

Honestly though, I love the idea that sometimes goblins have enough Magic to go to Hogwarts-- it sounds like a variation on Squibs and Muggleborns, almost. And it makes perfect sense, given the corruption we’ve seen from the Ministry in the books, that they would suppress the extra magical goblins. What an interesting commentary on the wizarding world. Really thought provoking.

Another great chapter! I am really looking forward to seeing Harry taking a goblin to Hogwarts! You’ve probably heard this a million times, but this is such a unique (but still logical) idea for a story, and I love that you’ve taken the idea of an “immediately post Battle of Hogwarts” story and made it so much more than Harry just sitting in the ruins of the castle thinking about his life. Not that those stories are bad, this is just taking it to a whole ‘nother level.

- Your Secret Cupid

Author's Response: It's funny about this story. I always knew that it was going to have some stuff about goblins in it, but I didn't know just how much that would take it over. I had this idea that after the war was over, Harry would not be content to let things just slip back into the patterns that they were before. What would be the point? All that death and destruction and nothing was achieved except to maintain the status quo?

No, I felt that he would use his 'power', that would naturally acrue to him after his defeat of Voldemort, and do something positive with it. To me, he always seemed to feel a bit guilty with the way he treated Griphook, the way he was going to defraud him of the Sword of Gryffindor - he knew it was a thing of necessity, but it didn't sit well with him. That coupled with the massive damage he visited upon the goblins with his excape from Gringotts, I think would have prompted him to start to redress some of the injustices he saw there first.

Thanks for pointing out the line of Bill's - it felt really right to me too as I wrote it. Goblins, like any being, would have their pride, throwing a bit of gold at them wouldn't cut it.

Griphook's manner of speech was done in accordance with how he spoke in the book. You are correct that goblins as a whole are more formal, but Griphook was always a menial and he largely spoke as such. Note in particular the cheeky way he spoke to Hagrid and treated him in the first book.

You have hit the nail on the head with what you have said of Harry's personality. He did have such a hero complex sometimes, Hermione said as much to him once. We shall see a bit more about this in a chapter to come.

Some of the stuff I had to have Harry say, I knew was necessary for the story, but it just read very false coming out of the mouth of Harry. Harry is a very plain speaking person. So I had to have him saying some very Hermione-ish things, once I realised that, it was obvious where they had to come from - Hermione herself. It was also a natural fit, if he had to talk about all of this with someone, Hermione - with her support for the abolition of House-elf slavery - would be the perfect person in the wizard community whom he could speak to this about.

Yes, the sudden importance of what one had assumed was only a guard was deliberately vague. You have read on, and I know that the next chapter makes it all clear, so I won't answer your questions here.

This was exactly it, why wouldn't there be a direct correlation between how wizards occur in humanity and how they could occur in goblins. I always hate when another species is made out to be 'stupid'. Ron, or is it Hagrid, in the books says that goblins want to know the secrets of wandlore that wizards are keeping to themselves. If the situations were reversed, can you imagine humans sitting idly by as some other race were able to use magic and they couldn't? No way. So I imagine that here and there the goblin heirachy would have tried out any and all wands that fell into their possession - be it by honest or dishonest means - and not having any of them work. So they would think that there is some secret that they are not privy to. But the answer, I think, would be far more prossaic. Just as most humans, in picking up a wand, would find that it is no more than an interestingly carved stick - so too do I believe the same ratio would happen for goblins. So it wasn't a matter that goblins couldn't use wands, it was the same for humans, that only a very few could.

As to what it says about the wizarding world, I think that it just follows on from the prejudices that JKR established. You can see people in the Ministry, people like Umbridge, if they found out that goblins could go to Hogwarts, they would do their utmost to not only quash it, but to also keep it a complete secret too.

As I said, I couldn't imagine Harry not trying to redress some of the imbalances that he saw in the world around him.


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Review #16, by Secret Cupid Prologue

14th February 2016:
HAPPY SECRET CUPID! In honor of the event, I’ll be leaving you a variety of things throughout the gifting period. And reviews are definitely on the list! They are one of three categories on the list, in fact. (Part two should arrive very shortly; part three may come slightly later)

First off, I really struggled when it came to deciding which of your WIPs to read. This one is older, and usually I try to review newer stories because I know people want feedback on them, but I also took it to heart when you said that Pride and Scorpius is a continuation of this story. My desire to read things in chronological order could not be thwarted. I hope that’s okay with you.

Anyway, this is such an interesting start to a story! A dramatic court scene can never hurt as a means of grabbing attention; I felt engaged from the start. And when Kingsley said that someone was coming in as witness for Draco, I knew right away that it would be Harry. I thought that created such an interesting dynamic and that’s absolutely something I can see Harry doing in canon, that is, coming in to witness for Draco. If nothing else, Harry was just. And it’s so great that I got that impression, even when Harry wasn’t even the main focus of the chapter-- it was all from Draco’s mind. I got such a strong image of both of their characters. The quick-moving dialogue helped move the scene along well, too.

Particularly interesting were the complex emotions Draco had for Harry; you captured that so well! Even as I was admiring Harry, I was following Draco’s growing resentment. That’s another thing that sounds like it could reasonably have happened—that even as Harry helped Draco with something, some of Draco’s old jealousy was still there.

One thing I didn’t understand was the mention of the Sectumsempra incident. It wasn’t so much Harry’s apology as Narcissa’s response to it: I was surprised that she said she’d forgiven him. We learned from her actions in the seventh book that she wasn’t entirely cold, and that she prioritized her family over Voldemort’s wishes, but to me that doesn’t translate to her being so fair and forgiving that she could ignore Harry seriously harming her son. It was a small moment, but I did stop to think about it. To me the Sectumsempra affair and the later events are more separate, and perhaps belong to different parts of a complex Narcissa character-- rather than being all wrapped up in the same part of her that has forgiven Harry.

It’s so interesting that you chose to set up the story with this moment even if Draco will no longer be a primary character! I’m really curious to see how that goes.

Overall, this was a really great start. I haven’t read a lot of stories that pick up immediately where the seventh book left off, but this one looks it’s shaping up to be good. I’m excited to meet some more characters and to see in what direction things head.

- Your Secret Cupid

Author's Response: Thank you for these wonderful reviews. All of them were such a delight to find and to read. It really made me reconnect in a big way with this story. You are correct, the latest stories are probably the ones closest to the author's heart at that moment in time (it's certainly true for me). I always did mean to get back into this story, but I have been writing Pride and Scorpius and I wanted to finish first year and all of those plot threads in my mind, before I went back to this. I had honestly just finished writing what I wanted to of P&S as these reviews landed on me - it was just the impetus I needed to get back into writing it.

In some ways the two stories are meant to be read in connjunction. But the world that this story establishes is the one in which Rose finds herself going to Hogwarts in the next story. So you are correct in thinking that this one should be read before the other - especially these opening goblin chapters.

I never intended to start this story off with this scene, it was the next chapter - with all of the goblin going ons, that had been rattling around in my mind for ages - but when I knew what I wanted to do with the character of Draco within the bounds of this story, I realised that the courtroom scene had to happen. With the chain of events that unfold in the chapters after, it would have been a jarring addition to slip this chapter in there somewhere, so I had to put it at the front. It works out well, because we will see Draco later on in the story, but all of his elements are quite separate from those of Harry and Ron's, so they will be inserted into the story in the form of this prologue, an intermission, and an epilogue.

I have said that one of the major themes of JKR's work was that of redemption. Harry knows of the power of redemption. He has seen it at work, struggling to come out, in the person of Draco Malfoy. I don't believe that he could do anything but as he did and defend him.

We know the tale as seen though the experiences of Harry, I wanted to show things from Draco's point of view. It also means that I don't just re-hash what we've read (and better) before. Draco is on the cusp of what he will become as an adult, some of that pettiness and jealousy of his childhood is still there - he has to work through it all - and we shall see how he does so. But here, there is still a bit lingering, and he cannot help but to fall into some of those old ways of thinking.

Yes, there is something more to the Secumsempera incident. It has been clear in my mind just whay she had forgiven him, but this was not the place to draw that out here. So thank you, your criticism has jelled for me a bit of the story - you shall get some of your answers in an upcoming chapter, fear not.

Well, I know that you do continue on, so I thank you for this wonderful start to this series of reviews and I shall tarry no longer and go on to the next.


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Review #17, by Pookha Chapter 4: Lightsthefire

6th January 2016:
Whew! that was a very long chapter, but very well done. I must admit that I don't have a strong head-canon of goblin lifestyle, so it was interesting to read a take on it.

I really like Stampofiron and her no-nonsense method and I actually like the cursing from her. She feels like a real person, as do all the other goblins in your story.

Harry is portrayed absolutely accurately, with astonishment, curiosity and an intelligence that often gets under-rated by many writers. He's not stupid, and is in fact fairly gifted (not Hermione gifted, but gifted). He sees more in people than any of his friends (Except Luna who notices everything, even if she mis-understands it).

This was a great chapter, and I particularly enjoyed that Goblin Made is the anti-Horcrux. I'm writing a story about a necromancer boy going to Hogwarts, and he's able to put small bits of peoples souls back into the zombies he can raise, so I understand about using bits of souls in different ways.

A great read so far, and so far I've been remembering to read more!

Author's Response: Hey there, what a great review, and totally unexpected too. I knew you were enjoying my story as of the first chapter, but I'm glad that you stuck around to read more.

It was a very long chapter, but there was no good place to split it up. I can remember talking to my beta at the time about this very issue. There was no logical place to split it so a long chapter it stayed.

I didn't really have any really strong head-cannon of goblin lifestyle either, not before I started reading this story. I came from it from this angle because of hints from the books. The banking staff seemed to be predominantly male, that was one thing. Secondly the wizarding world always seemed to be a bit behind the muggle one. I jumped off from these two elements and extrapolated them out. Living underground and caught between two great cultures might force the goblins along certain lines. What you have been reading is an exploration of all of that.

I really like Stampofiron too. She was a happy accident that the writing gods bestowed upon me. I wanted a tough boss of the kitchens, no nonsense and practical with it: after all of that she just wrote herself.

In my stories, I have tried to keep the swearing at a minimum. I have not excised it completely because I don't have to write for small children as JKR had to. But what I have tried to do is to only use it where appropriate or where it fits to do so. If she is a hard, no-nonsense sort of goblin, who has had to fight her way to the top and to make her way in a probably patriarchal society, then she very well might swear as a matter of course.

Thank you for that. I really wanted the goblins to be people. One of the things I particularly hate in sci-fi and fantasy is when an author makes a whole race stupid. We are diverse as a species, even within one society/country/city there are a wide variety of temperaments and abilities. I don't want to do less for any non-human characters I write.

Thank you as well. I really have been trying to make my Harry live up to what I understood his abilities and potential to be. As to his giftedness, it is funny that you should mention that. I have a particular head-cannon that is going to be coming up in a later chapter about that very subject. Stay tuned.

(ps. I know what you mean about Luna)

It is sort of, to my mind at least, much like an 'anti-horcrux'. One of the things that always keeps coming back to me is that statement of Arthur Weasley's when he admonished his children to never trust anything that could think and you couldn't see where it kept it's brains. That and a bit of logic was what got me on the path of what 'goblin-made' items must really be. I don't think it's too far from the books either. To my mind if there are things that JKR has established in her books - like the ability to transfer portions of your soul into items, or the transdimensional nature of extension charms - then it is free for us who are expanding her world to take them and run with them.

Take for instance your idea about the necromancer. That is quite an interesting idea that could very well fit in with what JKR has already established - horcruxes, inferi and the like. I wish you well with it.

I am very glad you have been reading on. Thanks for the very positive and lovely review.


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Review #18, by Pookha Prologue

1st January 2016:
This was brilliant. I love 8th year type fics and have been thinking of writing one myself. I thought that Harry was perfectly in character and so were the Malfoys. I've pictured that trial going pretty much the same way, so confirmation of head canon is always nice.

This says a lot of not only Harry's character, but Draco's. Draco is not a nice person, but he's also not a murderer or really a Death Eater. He's a scared, prejudiced teenager who's come under the spell (ha-ha) of bad people and didn't realize until too late just how evil they were.

I completely agree that Narcissa would have avoided Azkaban and Lucius would have spent some time there. I've always vacillated on Draco, leaning toward how you depicted it here.

Great characterization and good dialogue. Keeping it in character the whole way through makes it easy to read and makes it seem real. Going to favourite this and try to remember to read more.

Author's Response: Well hi there, I just wrote you a review for the latest BvB, so here I am answering your review in kind.


Thanks so much for the praise. The story had been rattling around in my head for ages before I committed it to paper, actually long before I'd even read one single Harry Potter fan-fiction. As such it is full of my head cannons and what-I-think-should-happen-next's.

To have my head cannon match that of someone else is wonderful to me. This chapter was a necessary evil, in so much that it had to happen sometime. The stuff that happens in the next chapter and beyond is what was going through my mind for all those years, not the trial of Draco. But once I realised that it had to happen, the only logical place for it to occur was right at the beginning of the story.

It is really gratifying to me to read that you think that my characterisation of Harry and the Malfoy's was a match for the books - I really did try to keep them in the spirit of what JKR was doing with them. The stuck up upper-class mother and the spoilt petulant child of the earlier books dissapear in the light of the greater evil of Voldemort. They are much changed by the end of the seventh book and I tried to extrapolate that out.

Your second paragraph I agree with totally. Draco may never be nice. I remember reading that JKR thought that, despite all of the fan fiction that she'd heard of to the contrary, Harry and Draco would never be friends. I don't necessarily agree with that, but I think that it would be hard for them to become bosom buddies too.

We shall see what the community service of Draco's brings. I have started to write the chapter and it occurs sometime around chapter 10 or 12 or so. It will certainly be a learning experience for the young man, that it will.

So thanks again for the praise and the review, it was a very welcome thing to see and to read. Please keep reading and I hope you like what I am attempting to do.



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Review #19, by chas Chapter 6 The dearly Departed

22nd July 2015:
excellent story. jo rawlings should see it!!!

Author's Response: Why thank you very much.

I would love it if she saw it, quite frankly, but I'm sure she keeps very clear of fan fictions in general - for legal reasons, I mean. I'm glad you like it, there is more to come (I have the next two chapters written, just have to find the time to type them up), but there will be a slight delay in getting the next chapter out there.

When it finally comes, I hope you keep reading.

Thanks for the review,
Andrew.


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Review #20, by pointless_proclamations Chapter3: Titles and Relatives and Friends

11th June 2015:
Hello again, Andrew!

I have been eager to continue reading on this wonderful story of yours!

I like how, in the beginning of this chapter, you took the time to explain what having the title Goblin Friend really meant.

AHH!! They're talking about Dawnsfirstbloom!

"With some of the disgraceful human attendees this school has had, I don’t see why a few goblins would have been so wrong" THIS. This brings back so many memories of the horribly behaved children we read about at Hogwarts and it is, dreadful to think that they are allowed at Hogwarts and goblins, you may be perfectly nice, are not.

That effectively creates a stronger emotional connection for the situation at hand and, Andrew, that is an amazing thing. When you bring emotion to politics, especially the empathetic kind, there creates a greater sense of urgency to just change things.

As always, your writing is beautiful. Always a pleasure to read your work. :D

Your fan,
Em

House Cup 2015 Review - Slytheirn

Author's Response: Hi there, thanks for the review - I can only appologise for it's tardiness. Things got away from me.

I had to explain it. You can throw all the tites out there that you want and people will take them at face value: Order of the Garter, OBE, etc. The titles will have some explanation in their name, but if you want people to understand what it means, what it implies, then you have to explain it all. Especially that Goblin Friend and Friend to Goblins sound so similar, I had to expand on it. Also, the explanation was as much for Harry's benefit as my audience - he should know what has just been bestowed upon him.

I'm sorry to say, that they are talking about Lightsthefire who will turn up in the near future. Dawnsfirstbloom is a distant cousin (sort of through the clan structure) and is as yet unborn.

That whole scene was not originally in the chapter until my beta of that time said I needed something else and it occured to me and in it went. I discovered by it that there are some of the older characters who I just love to write and McGonagall is one of them (Hagrid is another). Also it made sense - people are people, whether they are humans or goblins, it stands to reason that you are just as likely to get a nasty human as you are a nasty goblin and far more likely to get a nice one of either.

Oh, I'm glad that message got across. That Harry saw a wrong that he knew he had a window of opportunity to correct it. I don't really think that he had goblin welfare uppermost on his mind during the books, but there was some. JKR wrote of how uneasy he was knowing that he was going to be tricking Griphook. How he didn't really want to break in to Gringotts, but knew he had to. This whole stuff is a bit of that guilt catching up to him, as well as him wanting to put the past behind him and make it all right. He did so with Draco in the first chapter, now he is doing it with the goblins and repaying the damage he knows he inflicted upon them during his break in.

Also it's the sort of thing that I bet there are no laws against. As McGonagall explains in her scene, it was just the prejudice of various individuals stopping it from happening. If they had made it public, that goblins (only some, very few, but some) could attend Hogwarts: yes there may have been greater unrest from goblins, but the wizards would probably have voted a law against it (especially in the pure-blood dominated past). As it was just swept under the carpet, there is nothing overt set against it so it can just be changed overnight. The canny politician of the last chapter sees that more has to be done to sell it, but that is a matter for PR and we shall see more of it in the next chapters.

Thanks for the lovely words, I'm so glad that someone I respect likes my stuff - it's such an affirming feeling. As of this response the story as a whole has had 3610 reads and this chapter has had 462, thank you all.

Andrew,
Oldershouldknowbetter.


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Review #21, by Flower n Prongs Prologue

4th June 2015:
Hi Andrew! I'm stopping by for the BvB review battle. I'm not sure if I have ever read any of your stories before. For some reason I thought I had read this one but evidently I hadn't, so I just had to check this out.

There is so much potential in the year after the Battle of Hogwarts so I was glad to see somebody tackling it. After reading the first chapter, I have to say that I think you are a great person to take on such a major story. This chapter was over 7000 words long, which I would usually think could be pushing it into "too long" territory but it never felt like that. In fact, by the time I reached the Author's Note I was a bit sad to realize that it was over.

First of all, I have to compliment you for your characterizations. Draco and Harry in particular were spectacular. With Draco you managed to illustrate his insecurities and the questioning we see in him in both HBP and DH. It was obvious in this that Draco was a 17-year-old (nearly 18 y.o.) who got in way over his head, coerced by his father into doing what he did.

I think Harry was also great. We see in DH that Harry was willing to risk himself to save others and to help others. Even with the fiendfyre, when it is life and death, he brings himself to help his school rival. Later, we see him be saved by a mother's love again - this time, Narcissa's motherly love for Draco. Because of that his actions here seem perfectly in character. What he is doing to help Draco and Narcissa is much less than before and is fitting for a compassionate character who has given so much to help others.

The interaction at the end is appropriately strained, but shows signs that it could definitely improve. This makes so much sense, given the fact that he and Draco seem to be on neutral terms in the epilogue.

I did notice a couple minor grammar issues in this chapter, but nothing major. Some quotations need periods at the end of them (including both Draco & Narcissa's names around their sentencing). Also, "Harry" needs to be capitalized in "How he felt about what harry had said on his behalf." This can all be easily fixed and did not detract from the story so it was no big deal.

There is so much in this first chapter that I loved. I look forward to reading other chapters of this in future BvB battles (or perhaps on my own time). This was a very enjoyable start to a novel. =)

- Rhaenyra

Author's Response: Hi there, thanks for the lovely review - I'm trying to get through all of these wonderful reviews that people have left me, but things, up till now, have gotten in the way.

So this was my first story, first chapter posted and the one that had been going around in my head before hand for the longest time. I'm glad you don't think that even though it is a bit over long, it doesn't feel like it is. It's pleasing to me to think that I wrapped you up in the story so much that you were disappointed when it was all over.

I really tried hard to capture the personalities of Harry and Draco. Draco especially is a difficult one at this stage in his life, where he is on the cusp of maybe/probably becoming a different person to the one he was. You could tell from the events of the books that he'd possibly begun to change and I wanted to continue that.

Also, it wasn't just his father that had coerced him into what he did, it was also his belief in his father's expectations as well as his own arrogance which made him make the decisions to become a Death Eater and follow Voldemort.

I believe that Harry is one of those sort of people who will truly give anyone a second chance, after all he even gave Voldemort a second chance in the final battle. I have him saying just that in my other story. So as to the Malfoys - especially Draco and Narcissa - who proved to Harry that they might have changed, I think he would definitely give them the chance. Especially I think so, because everything he says in the trial is true, he just wants the truth out there where it will do the most good.

Yes, the way they acted towards each other in the epilogue was where I got the confirmation for the correctness of my actions in writing this scene. That in the future, Draco could come to the same station as Harry with his own child and not be harangued and driven away in shame is telling; there must have been some event or events which led him down the path to some sort of respectability and redemption. It is clear in the epilogue that they are not friends, but it is clear to me that they are also not still enemies. What their relationship becomes in the future, with their children all entering Hogwarts in the same year, is a matter for conjecture (though by the end of my other story I hope to answer that question, ahem *shameless plug*).

Yes the way this site makes the rules, this chapter had to go out unbetan and it has been a slow process on my part to fix it - though through the efforts of the lovely reviewers I have made some progress. I will take your comments on board.

Thank you for your comments, I'm glad you liked it. As of this response, the story has had 3209 views and this chapter has had 779, thank you all.

Andrew,
Oldershouldknowbetter


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Review #22, by FriendofMolly Chapter 6 The dearly Departed

6th May 2015:
oldershouldknowbetter,
I loved this chapter. Your scenario of the deaths of Molly's twin brothers was chilling. The obscure and off-branch magic was awesome (for lack of a better word). I'm not sure if I read it wrong, but you made it sound like Riddle was in school at the same time as Molly and Arthur. I hate to correct you, but Riddle was at Hogwarts 50 years prior to Harry and Ginny's encounter with the Chamber (approx. 1942). At least that's what I remember from CoS. Molly and Arthur would have been at Hogwarts mid to late 60's to early 70's. But the rest, was just superlative extraordinaire.
FoM

Author's Response: Thank you for yet another review, I do appreciate each and every one.

I wanted to make their death mean something, beyond what Moody said - I didn't want them to have died for nothing, not Molly's brothers. Some of the other Order members that Moody mentions, I didn't find myself so concerned about the manners of their deaths - the Death Eaters probably just singled them out and killed them. But not so the Prewett's, and it just seemed the perfect fit to have them die protecting their sister.

I try not to invent many spells or such, I believe that is a Mary Sue sort of rabbit hole down which one may fall to their doom. So I try to keep it minimal, but this seemed to me to be a hole that could be filled in the unforgivable curses, and it also fit in with the purposes of my story.

As to the fact of Voldemort being or not being with Arthur at Hogwarts, all I can say is that I got it so wrong. I miss-remembered the 'Sluggish memory' from the sixth book - I thought that in the memory of Riddle, Lucius was mentioned and so because I knew that Lucius' time at school overlapped with Arthur's, I naturally put Riddle there as well. I should have paid more attention to the dates in CoS, shouldn't I have? *sigh*

I will have to go back and fix it up. Thank you for pointing it out, though you have not been the only one.

Thank you, as ever for your kind remarks. As of this response the story as a whole has had 2855 reads and this chapter has had 109, thank you all.


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Review #23, by FriendofMolly Chapter 5 : Back to the Burrow

5th May 2015:
oldershouldknowbetter,
All I can say is Hokey Smokes, Batman! An excellent chapter with an ending that took my breath away. But Molly is going to be a bit longer to forgive. I must go on.
FoM

Author's Response: Hi there, thanks again for a lovely review.

I'm glad you liked the chapter and especially the ending. I knew that it was going to cause some consternation, the supposed death of George, but I didn't know how much it would worry some of my readers. I'm glad it had the emotional impact it did. I just knew George - if life handed him the ghost of his dead twin, then he would just have to use that fact in a prank somehow.

Molly is mad, but she gets over things soon enough. The boys have to open their shop on the next day, so she has to let them out by then.

Thank you again, as of this response the story as a whole has 2555 reads and this chapter has 147 - thank you all.


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Review #24, by merlins beard Chapter 6 The dearly Departed

4th May 2015:
Hi there. I was really happy to see that you updated.
I like all the new, difficuly magic you always come up with. It makes me very happy to see that someone else thinks about new spells and complex magic. Finishing Hogwarts never seemed like enough magical education...

I have one question/thing to point out and I hope it's ok that I do. I'm a canon person, so everything that doesn't comply always irritates me. I have to ask: is it intentional that you didn't pay attention to the canon ages of people? (In the books, Voldemort (DOB 31. December 1926) is much older than Arthur Weasley (DOB 6.Feb 1950) and Lucius Malfoy both (YOB 1954))

The chapter blew me away. I think the story about Molly's brothers is amazing and very, very sad. The part about Ginny brought tears to my eyes.

Love
~Anja

Author's Response: Thank you very much for the lovely review, even though it caused me some heartache to read it.

If you have read some of my responses to other reviewers, and I may have even said in my author's notes too, I am trying to keep this story as cannon compliant as possible. All of the Goblin stuff does not contradict cannon, I believe, it merely fills in the blanks.

For instance the part about Ginny was what I wanted, but then I thought about it - worked out character's ages and the times and lo-and-behold it fit. I had to laugh to myself, I realised later that their ages are a matter of record, and I could have just looked them up.

But when I did so I opened a can of worms. I found out that Mr. Weasley and Mr. Malfoy were not in the same year at school. Argh!! From their fight in Flourish and Blotts in CoS, I just naturally assumed they were. I had this whole bit written about them together at school when I found out. Oh the pain, but I had to rewrite it - luckily my wonderful beta, Pixileanin, said that bit dragged and didn't add anything useful to the story and it was gone. ;)

Unfortunately I didn't look at Voldemort.

Blast!

For some reason I remembered the 'sluggish memory' to contain the presence of Lucius amongst all the boys in the room with Slughorn. Re-reading it I find there is no such thing, it's Avery and Lestrange (the same one who is married to Bellatrix? He's either a cradle robber or it's his son married to her). It brings up the point that wizards must have extremely long lifespans and that JKR was no good at maths. Just how old are Slughorn and Dumbledore?

So it wasn't intentional that I didn't pay attention to the ages of the characters, I just got it wrong.

*sigh* trudges off for a rewrite.
*even deeper sigh*

I don't want to make up too many new spells - that way I think lies disaster - but I do think that there are many more than we are privy to in the books. That Snape could just make some up himself and leave them jotted in the margins of a book, means that it can't be too hard for a witch or wizard of sufficient talent to do - more spells could be made, as well as more could have been lost.

We know from the books that the brothers died like heroes, but I always wanted to know how. It's funny, but the Bones or the McKinnons didn't leave me with as much desire to know their fate, it must have been the 'like heroes' bit. Then later, once I learned that they were Molly's brothers, it just seemed to me to be a natural fit that they died saving her in some way.

I'm glad, in a way, that the Ginny bit made you sad because it made me sad too. Like that poignant moment when the boys are genuinely happy for their sister - even though they know they are about to die - it gave me such a lot of feels writing it.


Thank you again for the lovely review (despite the extra work you have lain at my door :/ ) As of this response the story as a whole has 2496 reads and this chapter has 33 - thank you all.


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Review #25, by loveTriumphs Chapter 6 The dearly Departed

4th May 2015:
Love the backstory of the brothers Prewitt.

Author's Response: I'm glad you did.

We knew they died like heroes from the books, I always wondered how. Once I found out that they were the brothers of Molly, then I just knew that it would have been done in protection of her.

Thank you for the review, as of this response the story as a whole has 2486 reads and this chapter has 23 - thank you all.


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