Reading Reviews for Roar
  
4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by pointless_proclamations One of Us

20th August 2014:
Hello Aleana!

Here's the review I told you I'd write you :) I don't normally read this era, I figured I could give it a try. . .

Reading the beginning, I discovered that I was prone to giggling periodically. Thank you.

You are spectacularly talented at descriptions of setting. I should take notes ;) Your dialogue is fantastic because I feel like you have a very clear idea of who your characters. :D

This friendship between Kat and Lily raises lots of questions: Why are they friends? How does their relationship work? It's doesn't seem like a very healthy one and I think you know that. What does Lily think of Kat? Why does Kat insist on comforting Lily when she's going to be utterly exasperating? She seems to glorify her, idolise her. . . at least that's what I'm picking up.

More questions: What was James doodling? Where are Remus and Peter? Why is Kat so nice? Will Jennifer cease her unhealthy habits? Will Kat console her the same way she does to Lily? I sense abundant potential for conflict here.

As for cannon-ness, Lily is supposed to be prefect material. . .

Anyway, cheers!

Author's Response: Hey, thank you so much for the wonderful review!

I've just pictured you giggling and I snorted. Sorry. Glad it made you laugh! This fic is really a lot darker and more mature than I thought it would be originally, so I'm glad that it was at least somewhat amusing, at least at the beginning.

The characters are still working themselves out so the kinks that are happening now and the questions you were asking will most likely be solved just by me writing them and figuring out what makes them tick.

This is my first fan fiction and I'm a bit of a spontaneous person so I'm sure there are severe plot holes and weird blips in the story, as I put it up kind of hastily. I'll iron those problems out when I get to them.

I'll try to live up to your expectations!

Much, much, much love,

Alena


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Review #2, by AlexFan One of Us

19th August 2014:
Hey there, dropping by with your requested review.

First off, I like your character Kat, she seems to be a likeable character and if I got to know her a lot more as the story went on, I have a feeling that I would be able to relate to her. She seems like the kind of girl that I would want to be friends with.

Second of all, James. I see that you've fallen into the old fanon cliche where James does nothing except ask Lily out 24/7 (and apparently stalks her considering he actually followed her to the Black Lake) and to be perfectly honest with you, that isn't really canon James. In the books we only ever see him ask Lily out a total of one time, and considering that he was a part of a group of boys that held the high opinions of many of their peers and most likely their teachers as well, I don't think that James would let his pride get stomped on by Lily over and over again. There's also the fact that since James is so popular with most of the student body, he most likely didn't spend all of his time pining after Lily and probably went out on quite a few dates, just like Lily probably did. And besides, having James constantly asking out Lily just makes him seem creepy and annoying. He's supposed to be one of the most intelligent people in his year along with Sirius and I'd like to think that James would know that harassing Lily with declarations of love wouldn't be the way to win her affections.

That being said, I don't mean that I hate your version of James, he seems to have a lot of potential in terms of maturing into a responsible adult, and perhaps could even take an interest in girls other than Lily just so that he can see how serious his feelings are for her. I'm actually very interested in seeing the events that result in him growing up.

While I do enjoy your Lily for the most part (I can never hate Lily), I feel like she falls into the old James/Lily cliche a little bit as well. Lily is supposed to be this bright, incredibly kind witch and it seems like she has a bit of an overreaction to James asking her out. It's never stated that Lily actually hates James (just as it's never stated that James asked her out all the time), she just doesn't have a problem with calling him out when he's being a bully. I feel like she wouldn't be the type of person to snap at someone just for asking her out on a date, a little annoyed and tired, sure but not outright snap at them like she did to James. She could maybe develop some sort of calming technique if James does keep asking her out so that she doesn't snap at him so much and to control her anger.

And I do understand where she's coming from with her crush, it's tough to have feelings for someone who is involved with someone else or doesn't even about your existence. Everyone deals with rejection in a different way and I'm interested in seeing how Lily handles her crush and how she moves on from it.

For a first fanfiction this was actually pretty well written, you had good description going on and your dialogue flowed pretty smoothly. I like how you introduced the characters in a way that wasn't totally overwhelming and it kept my interest. I got to know a little bit about what these people were like through their actions and the way that they interacted with each other which was also great. I would definitely be interested in finding out more about what happens with all of the characters in the story and see how they progress. I really hope that you don't forget about Peter either, it happens in a lot of fanfictions, the poor guy just seems to be forgotten and pushed to the side. Ignoring the fact that he was a traitor in the end, there was a reason that he was a part of the Marauders.

And I know I was a little bit harsh about James and Lily but I just get very passionate about the characterization of the two of them, especially as of late because so many people have pointed out all of the cliches in the fandom that aren't actually canon.

But I hope I helped out at least in some way (and feel free to come back for more reviews if I haven't scared you off with this mammoth review).

Author's Response: Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for this wonderful review!

Your comments about both James and Lily were spot on, and I'™ll definitely keep them in mind as I write future chapters, maybe even touch up this chapter in a little bit. I am very aware of the dangerous Lily/James cliche, and that you called me out on stumbling into that hole is great because now I'll be more vigilant when I'™m writing those characters.

I do believe that some stories have a very distinct 'two-sided James'™, the asking-lily-out-all-the-time side and the I'm-actually-an-incredible-human-being-that'€™s-a-dream-guy side. I think these two sides should meld into one person with different moods that are each slightly flawed. In other words, an actual human! Whoa! For example, he'€™s super 'annoying'€™, super 'immature'€™ etc. (at least that'€™s how Lily sees it) in the first half of the story, and then suddenly he's AMAZING and everything about him is kind, collected and courageous. That€'s SO unrealistic. I think James should be all of those things together, with him growing as a person so that he changes gently into someone than Lily would want to date and later, marry. Just because I think that, though, doesn'€™t mean I wrote it. Cue me furiously rethinking life, the universe and everything.

The same things goes for Lily. She is smart, and kind and really a good person. And even if she has flaws, trying to make her not a Mary-Sue and also not a complete terror is difficult. She is studious, and does have generosity in her blood, even to people that greatly annoy her, like James, and she handles a lot of things really expertly because she has TONS of empathy for everyone and everything. Something that is inspiring and impressive. Lily has a path of growth ahead, so of course she can'€™t be perfect at the start (although she shouldn't be at the end either), but she can'€™t be a stupid, grouchy, angsty mess either. And that crush on Tim? That'€™s going places. Definitely.

And as for Peter? He's not forgotten. It'€™s hard not to think of him as a Death Eater from the word go, but he's going to get his own chapter and his own fight and story line. Leaving him out would be just plain rude.

This fan fiction is probably something I will cringe at in a few years, but at the moment I'€™m kind of figuring out my style as I go along. Sometimes it might be a tangled mess, but I'€™m going to work with it. I guarantee edits along the way, probably some blips, but with people like you encouraging and critiquing me, I think this story will go a lot smoother than it would have otherwise!

Again, thanks for the incredible review.

Much, much love,
Alena

(oh and sorry for the weird symbols, computer malfunction!)


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Review #3, by marauderfan One of Us

15th August 2014:
Hellooo! Here I am to read and gush about your writing yay! :D

You definitely started out in the thick of the plot which is exciting. James and Lily seem particularly at odds here with the pouring orange juice and everything - but I guess at this point in their story is when that antagonism would be at its worst as it's still quite soon after the OWLs debacle. Kat seems to understand both James and Lily better than they understsnd each other or even themselves, which is so often true in real life, that outside perspectives are the ones unaffected by all the personal confusion. She seems like a good best friend to Lily.

My favorite thing about this chapter: Lily being a germophobe, as she's just like Petunia in that respect and I like seeing things they had in common because they are sisters after all!

This is a wonderful start to your first fic! Keep up the great work!!

Author's Response: Oh, Kristin THANK YOU!

You're my second reviewer and you have no idea how much this means to me.

Really.

I'm glad you liked the thing with Lily being a germaphobe, I really think it fits.

There is certainly a LOT of action in this story, something I'll probably even out/straighten later. First priority? Get this thing out and about with chapters up etc.

For the non-existent people who are waiting in anticipation for my next chapters, I want you to know that they're coming. As soon as the queue opens and I get them validated. YEAH!

Moving right along, Kristin, you're great.

Lots of love,

Alena


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Review #4, by Siriusly_into_fanfiction One of Us

31st July 2014:
I genuinely think your writing is absolutely fantastic. You write these characters so realistically- I can see them in my minds eye. Please keep it up, I can't wait to see what the next chapter says!

Author's Response: OH MY GOD THANK YOU! You have no idea how much I appreciate this :) I have the next four or five chapters written so I'll update soon!

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