Reading Reviews for What's an Offside?
  
8 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Elenia Offside

12th July 2014:
Hello again ^^

Haha, I love it that you wrote a story about muggle football for this event! That's so perfect!

Oh boy, they certainly have a difficult task ahead of them! Trying to explain the rules of football to kids who are bound to compare it to Quidditch. I seriously don't envy them (x

The whole conversation felt really realistic and you made the kids ask some good questions for people who have no clue about the sport. And the title is absolutely perfect! I know it took me ages to understand the offside rule (x

The idea of them having a football team at Hogwarts is really good though. I've always wondered if they had one, since there are many kids who come from muggle families. And it would make sense, because there are always many sports clubs at schools. Although Hogwarts is the only magical school, so there can't be any games against other schools' teams.

But an excellent one-shot! I really enjoyed reading it!

-Hanna

Gryffindor - House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Oh, offside. Even muggles have a hard time with it! I was at a game somewhat recently and overheard this guy explaining it to his kid... except he explained it wrong. *headdesk*

I'm glad you liked it! I'm considering expanding it, provided someone fills the request on TDA or I decide to do it myself. :P


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Review #2, by UnluckyStar57 Offside

11th July 2014:
Hahaha, wow, Dominique and Hannah really do have their work cut out for them!

I applaud you for trying to explain football to magical children. I don't know very much about the sport, but I can imagine that the students were incredible boggled by all of the technicalities. And of course they just had to keep comparing it to Quidditch, the most ancient and silliest of all Wizarding sports. :)

The Dominique-Hannah friendship kind of took a backseat to the football discussion, but I think that's okay. They were starting the team as a joint effort, and I didn't really need to know when they'd met or how long they'd been friends. It wasn't necessary to the context of the story.

Great job with this! I really enjoyed laughing at the silly students who don't know what football is. :)

House Cup 2014 Review

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much! This was originally much longer, with more backstory about Dominique and Hannah's friendship (and more explanation), but then I needed to get it below the word limit. :P Now that the HC is over, I'll probably edit that stuff back in. Thank you so much!

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Review #3, by evil little devil Offside

11th July 2014:
I am so sorry for clogging up your reviews! Attempt number three:

Hello again! Thank you so much for all your reviews, they really made my day. I'm so happy to be able to return the favour!
This is hilarious! I love that you've written this to coincide with the world cup. I can imagine this scene so clearly, with everyone getting increasingly confused. I love how worried they were when they got to the offside rule - how well they knew that it was going to be difficult to explain. I remember when I played soccer, and first began to learn about the rule. I was so bewildered!
This was such a lovely, light, humorous piece. I really enjoyed it! It was such fun to read.

- House Cup 2014 Review.

Author's Response: Aw, no worries! That's happened to me, too. It's really annoying.

I'm glad that you enjoyed the story, particularly the offside rule - it's definitely super confusing, and given that Quidditch involves flying, it always seemed to me that that would be the biggest problem. :P

Thanks for much for the lovely review! :)


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Review #4, by TidalDragon Offside

9th July 2014:
Howdy!

Huzzah for a football-related story during the World Cup! The World Cup and the House Cup going on at the same time...how excellent right?

I thought it was great how you progressed through the rules in the story. The reactions of the witches and wizards assembled were fairly amusing, but most importantly also pretty believable. I've used a football tradition in one of my stories to confuse a group of witches and wizards too, but I will say that someone later raised an excellent question about it - wouldn't muggle-borns from across the ages have alleviated this ignorance? For the purposes of our stories I think we can say no. Maybe witches and wizards just were never interested - but I still thought I'd share with you as something to think about.

Regardless, the reactions by Dominique and Hannah were also great. They were nice little contrasts, Dominique staying patient and clam while Hannah was constantly suppressing her frustration or irritation with all the questions.

This was a fun read all around! Thanks for sharing!

House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Yes, it really was! It was also quite convenient with Event 4, because I was just sitting at home watching football anyway. :P

Thank you so much for the lovely review! Muggleborns definitely would have helped a bit, but I kind of had to cut that part out to preserve the word count. :P Now that the HC is over, though, I'll probably add it back in, because you're absolutely right!


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Review #5, by ohmymerlin Offside

9th July 2014:
Hello again!

Oh, I just loved this, hahaha! Even though I've known soccer/football for my whole life (my younger brother's played it for about eleven years, my cousin even longer, and I usually try to go to their games) I still do not understand the offside rule :P And even though you were describing it quite clearly, I'm still confused hahahaha :P But oh well. Maybe one day I'll get it :P

The way you wrote their confusion was so funny! I especially loved how James was asking stupid questions just to annoy Dominique :P

I think you wrote this one-shot so well! It was so funny reading all the confusion and Dominique and Hannah's frustration :P Although, it makes me wonder how Dominique got to know and love football so much seeing as her family is mainly compromised of magic people!

Oh well, you made it work though! :D

- Kayla :)

House Cup 2014 review

Author's Response: Oh, offside. It's definitely a little complicated, and the linesmen always seem to get it wrong anyway. :P

This is definitely where the word limit did me in, though. This was about 1000 words longer before I realized that I'd gone way over the limit and would have to cut it down, and one of the things I cut was how Dominique got into football in the first place. (It was basically through Hannah, who Dominique was friends with prior to them starting Hogwarts and whose father is Muggleborn, if you're still curious.) I'll probably add that back in, because I definitely see how it's a bit confusing.

Thank you so much!


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Review #6, by patronus_charm Offside

8th July 2014:
Hi Branwen!

This was probably one of the best entries I’ve read so far as it’s just so topical and made me laugh so much. Even though I am football fan and know the basics of the rules (watcher not player so I sometimes forget a few), you recapped them so well for a non-player too so even they could understand which was really cool and just showed how much you loved it.

Another thing I liked was how you used analogies with Quidditch to explain everything as it was just so great! I think one of my favourite lines was about everyone being chasers so how the hell does that work out, and it gave me lots of flashbacks to the arguments between Dean and Ron over football.

Dom’s friends really did make me laugh a lot though. This line especially was great ‘Dominique and Hannah grimaced at each other. This was going to be a long, long meeting.’ Because it really just showed the depth of friendship with how long they were willing to talk about this for!

-Kiana
House Cup 2014 Review!

Author's Response: Thank you so much!

I'm a huge football fanatic - I followed the WC super closely and actually cried when Argentina lost - and I've kind of transposed that onto a few of my stories. My Dominique's life kind of revolves around dragons and football, and I always try to squeeze mentions of it in here and there. (She has strong feelings about Manchester City, Chelsea, and Tottenham Hotspur, being an Arsenal fan.)

Now that the HC is over I'm actually thinking about expanding this. Hopefully if I do, it will continue to be entertaining!

Thanks so much for the review!


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Review #7, by Freda_and_Georgina Offside

7th July 2014:
For the House Cup 2014 Review
Woah, a muggle sport at Hogwarts? That would be really interesting. I wonder if it would ever take off.
Maybe they should have brought pictures and diagrams...Poor Dominique and Hannah. I fear their goal is hopeless. (that was a pun!)
(ps you missed a "d" in midfeilder) As a former soccer I mean football player, I'm resisting the urge to try to map out the feild and the positions for them! I don't know how Dominique is managing it.
GO HUFFLEPUFF!
--Freda

Author's Response: Whoops - thanks for the catch of midfielder. I'll go back and change that as soon as I get the chance.

I love (love, love) football, and my Dominique has always been obsessed, so I really wanted to capture that. A football league was never going to be super popular at Hogwarts, but there are so many Muggleborns and halfblooded that I think it would probably gain some interest - if Quidditch is their only sport, that's only 30 or so people in the entire school that ever really get to play a sport, which doesn't seem quite right.

Thank you so much for the review - I'm so glad you enjoyed the story!


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Review #8, by maskedmuggle Offside

6th July 2014:
Hey!

This was fantastic! I definitely enjoyed reading this, which is quite surprising given I'm definitely not a football fan at all. Or actually, maybe it's not surprising, because I found all the explanations of the rules actually quite helpful to me, haha. I definitely learnt something new from this, particularly about how many players there are in football and as my first time hearing about this offside rule... :P

Anyway, I definitely loved the characters you chose to use here, mainly Dominique and Hannah and I thought the way you portrayed their friendship was great. I loved how they worked together really well in trying to explain the rules to their friends, and I also thought it was great how they interacted with each other, in exchanging looks for example. I guess if I was being super nitpicky I'd say that they seem to "exchange looks" one too often in this short story, but it's not even that noticeable so I wouldn't worry about it too much.

I also loved the plot here - it's quite a simple idea but I can totally imagine next-gen kids trying to integrate a muggle sport into the magical world. Again, if I'm being totally nitpicky I can't help but wonder how/where Dominique would have learnt to play football and with what team, but this little info is probably irrelevant as I'm just thinking too much into this as I tend to do. Anyway, I also liked how when they were trying to explain the football rules they had to keep referring to Quidditch as that was the only thing that was familiar to the audience - it helped make everything feel really realistic. So I definitely really enjoyed reading this and felt it was well written!

- Charlotte/maskedmuggle
House Cup 2014 Review

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