4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by charmed The Contagious Disease of Annoyance

9th November 2014:
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Review #2, by True Author Fischer Family Fact Time

24th June 2014:
Hi Reebs! Sorry for the wait... :( Had to go out of town for a couple of days. And I don't really like to type reviews on my phone so. Hope you understand!!

Wow, I like your title. It's so original- you can never tell what kind of story this is and that sort of draws a reader in. :) (like me here) But anyways the title is as off beat and quirky as Frida is, you that was a brilliant choice. :D

Frida sounds like a very. interesting character. She's so original and no one usually dares to write stories with her kind of character as the protagonist. I like that you're trying something new here.

The way you narrate the story is so nice! I really really absolutely love it. Especially the last sentence. Great idea!

I would just suggest you to get this beta read or at least take a look at the grammar and punctuation. I spotted some misplaced commas here and there. That spoils the flow sometimes!

Would love to come back for more!

Ashwini

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Review #3, by luvinpadfoot Fischer Family Fact Time

23rd June 2014:
Ooh I really enjoyed this! You got Frida's personality spot on. She seems like such a real character, spouting insults that aren't always the most clever, but enough so that it's amusing to read. She's so funny and vibrant and original, which I think can be difficult to do with OC's sometimes. You've definitely broken the mold with her, so kudos!

The relationships you've started building here, namely with her mother, sister, Agatha, and the Potters, all have great potential. I especially love the way she interacted with her mother. They seemed to banter more like friends than mother and daughter, but it really worked with them. The same comment goes for Melissa. They felt like sisters, bickering sisters. Not all sisters are the best of friends, no matter how many times it's written that way, but it's still obvious she cares about her sister.

I'm very interested to see more of the Potter boys! I'm assuming James knows her well from being prefects together and his brother friends with her sister, but I'm not sure quite yet how he really feels about her. He obviously likes her at least a little since he got her out of the compartment and possible out of a great deal of trouble.

For constructive criticism, I only have that sometimes her inner commentary got a little tiring to read. I'd love to see it interspersed with some more descriptions. I think that could help the flow of the piece a lot.

You have a lot of interesting characters and a great dynamic building between them for the first chapter! It's a wonderful beginning. :)

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Review #4, by Red_headed_juliet Fischer Family Fact Time

22nd June 2014:
This was great! I love quirky. While Frida might not be all that agreeable, she is certainly quirky.

The narration style is wonderful with all the digressing, refusing to claim innocence, sucking face with a pillow, all of it is just wonderful. It certainly brings a unique tone and mood to the piece. Very nice.

I also like how you've created someone that loves insults. Most main characters are goody two shoes tripping on their own feet to avoid stepping on toes. It's nice to hear someone whose vernacular closely resembles my own on a bad day. Haha. +]

The only thing I have as far as CC is comma placement. Sometimes there seem to be random commas that interrupt the flow, since I usually pause for a comma, and I think maybe getting rid of a few of them would help. (Really, that's the only bit I can see that needs improving.)

Oh! And I wanted to tell you that Mrs. Fischer reminds me of my mother. She had me very young, so we were more best-friendish than most other mom/daughter combos. I knew right away she was a single mom. Good job. +]

So yes. I shall be coming back for more of this, I think. *nod*

Thanks for the swap! Until next time!

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