49 Reviews Found

Review #1, by oldershouldknowbetter Prologue: Parallel Lives

13th August 2015:
So this is intriguing right from the start. It's got this packed feel to it already, like there is so much depth and richness to the world. And with so few things does one get this impression.

Anyway, hello there, I'm here because I nominated someone for Dobby consideration in the queue in the thread for doing so after you. As such I should have left the one before my recommendation a review beforehand. I failed to read the fine print properly, so here I am meeting my obligations in retrospect. Now lets get back to the story (I suppose I should start reviewing after I have read more than just the first two paragraphs).

The inclusion of the non-human-don't-really-know-what-species-it-is cleaner is nicely done. As too are the subtle hints that this is a reality wherein things are all smooshed together - we know it's AU from the story description, but we are seeing not the normal one-change-has-made-it-different. No, here is something more, something more overarching.

I like that the door has the items of personal interest stuck to the outside of it. That's not something usual (in our reality anyway) normally that sort of stuff is on the inside somewhere. It reinforces that other-worldliness of it all, in such a simple way. It also shows that people in offices no matter where they are are all the same in some respect.

We know from the description of Alex, that this is some sort of multi-verse bureaucracy sort of thing. I love these things, seen them in countless comics and science fiction stories and not once have I not liked any of them. Once he gets into the office all is confirmed.

The dialoge between the two of them crackles - you obviously have a good feel for it. It is exactly the right sort of dialogue between an employer (or at least an employee, but higher up on the departmental food-chain) and a liked (if not favourite) employee. He gives her all of the normal stuff to get it out of the way, but has no choice but to drop the bad news into her lap eventually. I love her response when he says that there is just one small extra matter to consider.

Jiaís face dropped, a defeated look on her as she sat back down. ďThat sounds like I should get the emergency procedures forms out.Ē - lovely stuff.

The way you have brought the character of Jia up-to-date is a perfect way to also bring your audience along with you. Yes it refreshes everything that we knew, but in these sort of alternate histories it is important to know exactly where the divergence occurred. So we are led up to the point, along with Jia, and then here is the twist - Harry from his proper timeline has jumped over into an alternate one.

And it's one in which his parents never die!

Wow, this is a great premise for the start of a story. It's a case of have your cake and eat it too sort of thing. We have a Harry - our Harry up until POA one would assume, or it could be OOTP - that has lost his parents and is the boy he is because of that, but now given a chance to see/meet/love the parents he never knew. It is not clear from this small introduction, exactly what happened to the Harry from the world he went into - did he replace that other Harry or is he there as well as that realities Harry. It doesn't really matter because we will find out soon enough in the chapters to come and it is a point that will draw us on in our desire to find out.

You've told us that there is a version of the reality that goes on no matter what happens in this new one into which Harry has been propelled. One assumes that the reality he is in will merge back into the other one as if nothing ever happened - if things all go as planned. If they don't ...

... well I suppose that there will be yet another few branches to Jia's tree.

This is a great start and it doesn't really matter if we see that much more of Alex and Jia - they could just bookend the story. The rest could be just Harry having to cope as best he can. He will work out that something is awry with his reality soon enough - the presence of alive parents just might be a hint - and want to, need to get back home. His sense of duty will impel him to, even though staying with his parents will be so hard to resist: oh, the feels to come.

So far I want to read more, and in checking out the rest of your author's page, it's not just a trilogy, but a nearly completed one! Far out, so much completed to read *drools*


Author's Response: Hi Andrew!

Wow...what a review! I know you had to give one for the Dobby thread, but you really went above and beyond and I can't quite describe how happy that makes me! (Almost as happy as BEING PUT FORWARD FOR A DOBBY I guess?! I'm a little shocked right now lol.)

Thank you for all your wonderful compliments, I'm thrilled to hear you were sucked into my world so quickly. And without giving too much away, you really got a lot of what the trilogy is going to be about spot on "overarching" is definitely a good word!

Haha, I like that you thought having knick-knacks on the outside of the door was otherworldly; that's actually pretty common practice here in the UK for teachers, especially university professors. I suppose in a more cooperate environment it is odd...but then Jia is pretty odd.

"The dialogue between the two of them crackles" what an absolutely fantastic compliment. Dialogue is incredibly important to me, and I strive to use it as best as possible to get characterisations across. They do have an interesting dynamic between them (blurring the lines of boss and employee certainly lol) and I am glad that came across in such a short space of time.

The idea with bringing Jia up to speed was actually my editor's - I wanted people who weren't very familiar with Harry Potter to be able to read the books still, so he came up with this concept to outline the events so far as part of the exposition. And, as you say, it means I can explain exactly where the divergence into AU happens (in between GoF and OotP - because believe it or not, it was between those two books being published that I started WRITING this trilogy. It began in February 2002, how crazy is that? This version is actually the complete re-write that began in January 2011, so A LOT of work has gone into this.)

I love torturing Harry, so yes, his parents are alive and so much more, but you'll have to carry on reading to find out about all that ;-) Also, yes, I do eventually explain what happened to the other Harry, but not for a while. It's no fun if you get all the answers right away is it? Lol.

As for Alex and Jia, I'll just say we do see them again and leave it at that ;-)

Yes, the trilogy is almost complete! I've had a bit of a break from HPFF for the last couple of weeks as I was focusing on finishing the story on other sites, but after being put forward for a nomination I might put my new Trusted Author status to good use and get the last few chapters up as soon as possible.

Thank you very much again, I am so chuffed to have been graced with such a thoughtful analysis of my opening chapter. You really know your stuff, and I hope you continue to enjoy the rest of the book.

Hugs, Helen x

 Report Review

Review #2, by Roisin Prologue: Parallel Lives

12th August 2015:

I just saw this story rec'd in the Dobby Rec Threads, why haven't I heard about it before! This is brilliant!

*Deep Breaths*

I usually have a hard time getting into AU's but I'm loving this opening. It's so rich with detail and every single element is brilliant and funny and fantastically written! Alex is a great character already. And just everything feels so fleshed out. I love how much you managed to pack into here. It's all so easy to imagine and all the gestures and imagery is absolutely ace.

Great work with this!

On to the next!

Author's Response: Hi Roisin! Okay...I am in shock right now, I can't believe the incredible Branwen put me forward for the Dobby nominations and I'm pretty emotional right now! So forgive me if I get a little gushy lol :-P

Haha, I think it's my fault, I'm not active on the forums as I don't really get them (such a grandma lol) so yeah, my work isn't on a lot of people's radars. I'm so glad you found it though :-D

Where to start? Well "Thank you!" I guess! For all your wonderful compliments, as a writer those are pretty much the nicest things you can hear :-) Alex is very dear to me, so I'm thrilled to hear you like him already.

I really hope you enjoy the rest of the story, you've really made my day! x

 Report Review

Review #3, by ArtsyTigs Epilogue: The Man Who Sold The World

26th March 2015:
Thank you for sharing that amazing story with us.!

Author's Response: You are very welcome! I hope you will also check out books 2 and 3 now!

 Report Review

Review #4, by Beeezie Epilogue: The Man Who Sold The World

19th March 2015:
Okay. So since this is the last chapter, Iím going to comment on it in this review (obviously) but also on the books as a whole, because there are some major takeaways for me that I want to lay out. (Just because.)

Iím really interested to read on. I figured that the doorway would be a weakened now - it stands to reason. When you teach the universe new routes, itís going to start taking them. I also absolutely love Seamusís appearance at the end - what an amazing cliffhanger to leave this on! I admit that I was already wondering whether they were kind of, well, dead, because I think I remember the CI of Alex I recently made mentioning being dead, but I was not expecting you to bring Seamus back! Awesome, awesome job.

So, overall, I really enjoyed this story. (Clearly, since I binge read it in about a day.) The premise was intriguing, and I thought that you carried it out really, really well. Your attention to detail was inspiring, and it ended up making the story one of the most vivid and intriguing novels Iíve ever read on HPFF. It actually made me think about canon events in a new way, too, which I love.

That said, there were a couple things that stood out to me as areas I thought you could maybe take another look at.

There were definitely some typos sprinkled across the story - mostly with punctuation, so it wasnít a huge deal, but at the same time, it did stick out to me, particularly because it seemed a little at odds with how meticulous you were with the content. The typos werenít super distracting, but there were a fair number of them, so it might be worth reading through the book again to catch them.

Along the same lines, I felt like there were points where you relied a little too heavily on adverbs; while theyíre certainly really useful sometimes, I feel like when the dialogue captures the sentiment, itís not really necessary to include adverbs on top of that, particularly since they can conflict - for example, Fudge goes from speaking almost sympathetically to narrowing his eyes angrily to getting irritated in about 40 seconds (last chapter). It just seemed like you could have shown more and told less around dialogue.

The only other major thing that stood out to me was that I felt like there were times when your depiction of characters veered a little too melodramatic for me. I mentioned it once or twice where it stuck out to me, but I feel like the overarching point is that while I feel like you do an amazing job with your main characters and depicting their feelings and motivations - other world Draco, for example, is done wonderfully - you donít always seem to immerse yourself quite so thoroughly in more supporting or minor characters (like James or Fudge), and that can sometimes lead to them coming across as a little awkward or unbelievable.

Other than that, though, this was a really amazing series, and I canít wait to get started on the next book!

- Branwen

(Left for the HPFF Fundraiser - Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: FINAL REVIEW! It only took me five months to get around to all of them lol, but that is also partially your fault for being so amazing and in depth.

I'm SO glad you loved the very end with Seamus! People don't ever seem to react to that as much as I think they should (or maybe they do but are too busy going on to the next book to write and tell me ha ha).

Ahh yes, I've already mentioned the typos but I'll say again how annoyed I am that so many of them still made it through after so much effort. Hmm - interesting point about the adverbs, I'll bear that in mind for future writing.

Lol, yeah the melodrama is definitely something that's seeped through from my earlier, teenage drafts. I was a sucker for it, it was majorly cringe-worthy and I can only apologise. I think I'm much better at it now, but if I ever go through the trilogy again for a final edit (if I ever set up a website or anything) I'll take another look at characters like that.

Thank you so much for all your amazing feedback all those months ago, and thank you now for putting me forward for the Dobbys! I'm beyond chuffed, and more people are already starting to read the story because of you, so thank you thank you THANK YOU! You are an incredible artist, and also a brilliant and supportive friend.

Lots of love,

Helen xxx

 Report Review

Review #5, by Beeezie Chapter Seven: Stop Crying Your Heart Out Part Three

19th March 2015:
I loved the way you started this chapter. Harryís recent adventures have been incredibly overwhelming, so of course heís feeling rather raw and emotional. But, bringing it back to Dumbledoreís words to him so long ago was really, really fitting, and on reflection, I feel like it fits Harryís overall character in the books as well. Thereís not a lot of time for him to get caught up in dreams of what could be - Iíd never thought about it, but he really did carry that advice with him, didnít he? I like that.

And, as Iíve said before, I also think that this is a very realistic reaction to trauma. People often fixate on logistics and details, because action just feels better than reaction.

I had more mixed feelings about the confrontation with Draco. On one hand, I really liked that he was the first person Harry bumped into, because it does kind of bring things into perspective. On the other, though, there were parts of the confrontation that just seemed a little too... generic, in a way?

I mean, Harryís been missing for about two days. From what Iíve seen, at least, it seems to be something that people have noticed. But Draco doesnít really mention it, other than a vague ĒI thought youíd be hiding out until at least Thursday.Ē That didnít seem quite sufficient to me. And, on top of that, Draco seemed to startle much, much too easily - he was clearly thrown by Harry, but Iím just not sure it made sense.

I did like pretty most everything else, though! Harryís finding the picture was a nice parallel to his motherís protection holding strong even when he was in another Harryís body - it hints at something bigger going on that has yet to really be solved. McGonagallís reaction makes perfect sense to me, and I found his interaction with the minister to be super interesting. Since the next chapter is an epilogue, Iím wondering whether this is going to wait to be resolved until the next book.

You and your cliffhangers. Well, itís translating into more reviews for Ravenclaw and more money for HPFF, so who can complain, really? :P

- Branwen

(Left for the HPFF Fundraiser - Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: Lol! Yes, I do love my cliffhangers :-D

I'm sorry that Harry and Draco's scene fell a bit flat, but I love that you felt the traumatic response was well done. I'm really interested in PTSD so that's absolutely something we see more of as the story progresses xxx

 Report Review

Review #6, by Beeezie Chapter Seven: Stop Crying Your Heart Out Part Two

19th March 2015:
Yeah, this is really, really tough. I feel like Harryís kind of grappling with a lot of really difficult things right now. He loves his parents (and his sister!), and he wishes they were still alive in his world... but at the same time, itís pretty clear that the world as a whole was better off when they were murdered. That doesnít make Voldemort right, of course, but a lot (a lot, a lot) of people died because there wasnít a 14 year period of Voldemort being pretty much powerless.

And now heís also gotten this news about his Sirius and his Remus - both of whom, of course, are not at all better off in his world - being in very, very dire trouble. On one hand, I feel like heíll probably have more self-confidence than he had before entering this world, because heís done some pretty impressive things... but on the other, this strikes me as an Ďout of the frying pan, into the fireí type of situation.

Yikes. Itís too bad he didnít get to say goodbye to Hermione and Draco, but somehow, I doubt that this will be the last we see of them - give the very, very little I know about the other two books from doing the banners, it seems likely to me that this Draco is going to show up again. Oh, I hope Iím not wrong - Iím really interested to learn more about him!

Great chapter.

- Branwen

(Left for the HPFF Fundraiser - Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: Yep, that's kind of the whole point of the story - how sucky it is that he has to chose between worlds, as both have their upsides, but both have their down sides too. I really wanted to tug on the feels here lol.

I'm not saying nothing...other that I do love me some Draco Malfoy hehe ;-) xxx

 Report Review

Review #7, by Beeezie Chapter Seven: Stop Crying Your Heart Out Part One

19th March 2015:
Your attention to detail is really remarkable. I love how you draw relationships between what Harry experiences here and what heís gone through by the midway point of OotP - it really helps make your story fit well within the HP canon, even though itís AU. Here, I loved the interaction with Moody - while Harry briefly met the real Moody in the beginning of OotP, the bulk of his interactions really were with Barty Crouch, and I can see how heíd have to remind himself that no, this Moody does not want him dead. (That said, I did wonder at Kingsley - didnít Harry meet him at the beginning of OotP, too?)

I liked that this chapter concluded the issue with Voldemort... ish. If heíd been completely, 100% destroyed, it would have seemed a little overly simplistic, but from how youíve presented it here, it seems like whatís happened is what in Harryís world happened at Godricís Hollow 14 years ago. Voldemort will be back, and someone will have to deal with that... but probably not him.

Umbridge is a real piece of work. Sheís kind of despicable everywhere, but at least here, theyíve got better standing to dismiss her. (Or so it seems.)

Again, though, your characterization of the Potters seemed a little off to me, particularly since youíve said they work for the Ministry, who showed up in Germany - wouldnít they have heard about this? That didnít seem consistent to me, and while Jamesís initial anger makes sense, the ďWhat have you done Malfoy!Ē line seemed a little out of place. Itís a little awkwardly phrased, but more importantly, heís yelling at a 15 year old that he barely knows (if he knows him at all). I get the animosity, but not the familiarity.

In general, though, great chapter. :)

- Branwen

(Left for the HPFF Fundraiser - Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: "Your attention to detail is really remarkable." - Thank you very much!

Yeah, you make some very good points about the Potters, that, again, I think I would have handled differently if I were coming to this story fresh and not reworking decade-old material. I've probably thought about James Potter the least out of all the Marauders and that line kind of proves it. Ah well xxx

 Report Review

Review #8, by Beeezie Chapter Six: This Is War Part Three

19th March 2015:
I was pretty sure Parvati showed up in a future banner, but I didnít think that Seamus did - I was wondering why. I guess now I know - ouch, that was like a punch in the gut. (Not a sword in the gut, though!) That was harsh, but I can understand why you did it.

Ouch, though. Ouch. And Iím sure that Harryís going to be completely wrecked by guilt that he got Seamus into this mess, and that he wasnít even quite who Seamus thought he was. It raises the question - would Seamus and Parvati have come along if theyíd known? I think they probably would have, but Harry canít know, and I bet thatís going to weigh on him. I feel like he wonít be able to keep the truth from Parvati for much longer - I wonder how sheíll react to it.

At first, when Draco said that magic wouldnít work in there, I actually assumed that he meant their magic - that Voldemortís side could do magic. I guess that wouldnít make much sense in this context, but I wasnít stopping to think. I was thinking about it throughout this chapter, though, and it makes a lot of sense to me - he never really trusted anyone, so giving himself, and only himself, that power... yeah, I can see that even from a healthy Voldemort. An unhealthy Voldemort, who could be more easily defeated? Absolutely.

I keep planning to go to sleep after the next chapter! It keeps not happening, and Iím not sure itíll happen here, either. :P

- Branwen

(Left for the HPFF Fundraiser - Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: Yeah...Seamus still gets me, every time :'(

I really like all the points you've raised about the aftermath of that, and (I know I keep saying it!) you'll definitely see that address in books 2 and 3 xxx

 Report Review

Review #9, by Beeezie Chapter Six: This Is War Part Two

19th March 2015:
I actually wasnít quite sure of your depiction of Bellatrix here - it seemed like you were projecting a lot of what we know from the end of OotP through DH onto her here. I didnít think that interaction made it clear that Bellatrix had a ďclearly unhealthy obsessionĒ with Voldemort. I wish youíd shown a little more of how truly crazy and disjointed she is - Azkaban didnít help, but we saw in the Pensieve that she wasnít the most stable person in the world even before that. As it was, I didnít really get the unhinged fanaticism I would have ideally liked to see.

That aside, though, this was an amazing chapter. I love the way that our Harry continues to have experience and skill that their Harry very clearly doesnít, and itís clearly throwing everyone else off (for good reason). I hadnít thought about the stone, really, but once the issue was raised, it made perfect sense to me.

I loved seeing Harry battle the Imperius Curse, and I found it really ironic that Barty Crouch Jr. - who in this world has always been at Voldemortís side - is really responsible for his ability to do that. Every time I reread GoF, Iím confused by fake-Moodyís actions there - way to hand your enemy a super important tool.

I found it interesting that Harry was able to speak Parseltongue here and that his motherís charm seems to still protect him, even though she didnít die for him in this world - Iím still trying to figure out where the line is between our Harry and this worldís Harry, and at this point, Iím pretty confused. I was assuming that the protection wouldnít hold, but that it is makes me wonder if thereís more confusion between the worlds than just Harry switching bodies right now. Hmm.

Other than Bellatrix, my only real crit is that I think the chapter could have used another going over for edits. There were some little typos (which I havenít been pointing out, but Iíve noticed elsewhere), but more importantly, you say that Harry was trained to fight off the Impervious Curse, not the Imperius one. Nothing huge - just maybe go over the chapters one more time? :)

Great chapter, though. I canít wait to keep reading!

- Branwen

(Left for the HPFF Fundraiser - Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: Ahh that's a shame you weren't keen on Bellatrix here, I love writing her, but maybe I didn't give myself enough opportunity in this scene to depict her well enough. She does come back though, there's a lot of her in the next book and I think there's plenty of crazy flying around, so hopefully that will make up for it lol.

I love that you loved Harry though! Yeah, the lines are sort of blurred as to where one Harry starts and the other ends, but there's more development on that later :-)

Ahh dang it. I've been over this book series so many times and had TWO editors and yet there are still typos :-( I am horribly dyslexic though, so I guess that's just the nature of it xxx

 Report Review

Review #10, by Beeezie Chapter Six: This Is War Part One

19th March 2015:
† The people around them were rallying, shouting, jostling.† Hermione looked petrified.† ďTheyíre not vampires,Ē she stuttered.

ďPretty sure,Ē snarled Parvati, a look on her face Harry had never seen before.† ďA stake in the heart will still kill them.Ē

This made me laugh despite how serious and dire the situation is. There really arenít many things that can survive a stake to the heart, particularly not without immediate medical attention.

Anyway. This was a really interesting chapter - Iím not quite sure what I think about the mass infiltration/betrayal, and I hope that youíll address it a little more at some point. It did make for a really exciting chapter, though, and itís interesting that Snape joined the resistance and stuck with it for so long, even without Lilyís death. I mean, I can see it - itís just interesting. This story is really making me examine a lot of charactersí motivations in different ways, and while Iím not sure I always agree with your interpretation (though I usually do :P), I think itís really thought-provoking.

At this point, Iím also really curious to see whether youíre going to kill Voldemort off in this book or not - Iím not clear on whether youíre using the horcuxes or not, which obviously will affect whether he dies. Iím not even sure whether OotP Harry would be able to kill him - a lot of how he does has to do with all the stuff with the Elder Wand, though of course you may have something much more creative in mind!

So many questions. Time to keep reading, I think!

- Branwen

(Left for the HPFF Fundraiser - Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: Haha, yeah that line about a stake to the heart is pretty accurate. I like that Parvati gets her game on here.

Yeah...I think this whole rebellion scene is something I wouldn't choose to put in now, but just re-wrote as that's how the story was when I initially penned it. ah well. That's interesting you've found the character's motivations thought-provoking, I'm glad to hear it. Complex characters are my jam :-) xxx

 Report Review

Review #11, by Beeezie Chapter Five: Shout Part Three

19th March 2015:
Quintapeds! I love quintapeds, too. (In my next-gen fanfics, creatures have become a much bigger problem than dark wizards in a lot of ways. Ughhh, still need to edit those and then start writing again.)

Iím really glad that Hermione, at least, knows the truth about Harry. I think itís important for him that someone knows, but I also think that itís important for me as a reader. Itís allowed you to present this story in the context of canon information without straining credulity or going off-topic in some deus ex machina sort of way.

Malfoy shook his head.† ďYou picked one hell of a night to make friends with us.Ē

†† ďSo did you,Ē said Harry before he could think.

I love this. I mean, I kind of guessed that this was going to turn into a real friendship, since I know that Draco is on the banners for books 2+3, but itís nice to see it happening, and this exchange in particular really made me smile.

And then I got to the dementors.

I know itís ridiculous, because, well, dementors, theyíre kind of serious business, but I knew that the Patronus Charm was coming, and I couldnít wait to see Seamus, Parvati, and Dracoís reactions to it. Iím not quite sure what I think about Hermione managing to cast it, since she always struggled with it in the books, but I think it does make a really powerful statement about her emotional state and life before Harry told her she had magic. I can see how lifting that burden from this Hermione would concentrate so heavily in such a good memory. (The nitpicker in me, though, demands that I point out that Hermioneís patronus is an otter in canon, and Iím not quite sure why that would change.)

I felt like this scene also really allowed you to really start to build a strong friendship between Harry and Draco (though it really makes me wonder what will happen when Harry returns to his world - this friendship going to be really discordant with the acrimonious relationship he has with that Draco). Harry can understand where Draco is coming from and why he fainted - he hears his mother being murdered every time he sees a dementor. Heís only adjusted enough that he doesnít faint because heís had so much exposure (which is pretty messed up in and of itself). My heart went out to Draco - I can see Narcissa being expendable to Voldemort, particularly if she talked back, and while itís hard for me to envision canon Narcissa talking back... well, this Narcissa had been through a drastically different journey. I am a little surprised that Lucius watched, but again, the situation is so radically different that I can suspend my disbelief.

- Branwen

(Left for the HPFF Fundraiser - Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: Right - I'm back on the reviews! HPFF is getting all my attention today lol :-P

I'm really glad you liked the dementors section, I think it's a very powerful part of the story. Yes - Hermione's ability to cast the patronus is absolutely due to her emotional state, and I changed it from an otter for the same reason. Though, now having spent more time in the world of fanfiction I'm not sure readers will see it the same way (as you pointed out) but ah well, it's done now lol.

Yes, this is definitely where we see Harry and Draco's relationship start to develop, and it's going to get more complicated from here on out ;-)

Poor Narcissa :-( We get to see more of Lucius later in the books, but let's just say I'm not very fond of him xxx

 Report Review

Review #12, by Beeezie Chapter Five: Shout Part Two

19th March 2015:
Iím back!

The beginning of this chapter is really, really intriguing. Like Harry, Iím curious about how Draco managed this - he was twelve, after all, and it took him almost a year to figure it out in HBP, by which point he was better educated and almost certainly more clever as well. I also found Harryís semi-forgiveness to be interesting - Iím still working out whether I think heís being too understanding for Harry as we know him. On one hand, I feel like he sort of is, because even in OotP Harry is a bit harder line - but at the same time, given that Harryís just found a family heís always wanted so badly (and, of course, that he wound up in this world in the first place because Sirius had been recaptured), that his thoughts are trending in this direction does make some sense to me.

Hermione really is quite clever - you showed it a lot in this chapter. Theyíre very lucky she came along with them - theyíd never have even gotten inside without her, since I donít really fancy Harry and Dracoís chances against a sphinx. I love that about her, and again, I feel like the consistency there is perfect - the ways in which youíre making her clever remind me a little of PS, where she and Harry are at the potions right before the room with the mirror of Erised and she says that a lot of wizards canít use logic at all. None of what sheís doing really requires a lot of knowledge of the magical world - just not being totally shell-shocked and being quick on her feet. I mean, she deserves credit for taking this in stride - that speaks to a tremendous amount of mental fortitude - but the way youíve handled it makes complete sense.

Wonderful chapter.

- Branwen

(Left for the HPFF Fundraiser - Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: PHEW! I always get really nervous writing clever characters, because I won't lie I'm not very book smart at all, I work a lot in instinct and intuition, so tackling someone like Hermione in her element is really nerve-wracking, so I'm super happy that you felt I pulled it off!

Yeah, basically Harry's just met his family and is worried about his brand new baby sister, so I think he is a little bit more lenient towards Draco here. Plus, I'm soft on Draco so that means Harry is too haha xxx

 Report Review

Review #13, by Beeezie Chapter Five: Shout Part One

19th March 2015:
Thatís interesting. So there hasnít been a switch - their Harry seems to have just vanished. Iím actually a little worried at this point that heís dead - if he was attacked, that might make sense. Of course, Harryís body didnít switch worlds, because he doesnít have the scar - but then where is his real body?

Iím very confused. Well, I guess that means I really have no choice but to keep reading!

I like the feral witches and wizards that you introduced - itís kind of a super dark version of Ariana Dumbledore, in a way, which is cool. It makes some sense, too, that not everyone is well-trained - I can absolutely see where people with magic that donít really have any understanding of it could end up like this.

I feel like it canít be too much longer before they start to figure out that Harry isnít quite who he says he is. Thereís just too much that he knows that he really has no way to reasonably know - the Parseltongue is a huge glaring sign, and thatís not something that can be explained away with, ďSirius taught me!Ē Sirius did not teach him about Parseltongue.

Also: oh, my god. Hermioneís quick. Hermione has always been quick. She caught something that I... hadnít missed, exactly, but hadnít really processed, either. At first I wondered whether Draco was Imperiused - which Iíd believe of Bellatrix or Voldemort without a problem - but having his mother makes sense, too, and I can see how his father would have turned on him (in private, at least - Parvati and Seamus clearly have no idea of this, which also makes sense). Narcissa, though - I mean, she was a pretty awful person, but she loved her son.

The way you address brainwashing and threats toward the end of this chapter worked really well. It made a lot of sense to me, and I think that you depicted the complexities of the whole thing really well. And while some people might differ, I can see how what Dracoís talking about could have led him down a road I think he was starting to go down in DH several years early.

Great chapter!

- Branwen

(Left for the HPFF Fundraiser - Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: All I'll say about the body swapping is that it is explained fully by book three. So you'll just have to stick with the trilogy and see!

Yeah, Harry's treading on thin ice keeping up his cover, there's just too much of a gap between his and the other Harry's experiences to keep up the charade for much longer :-P

I am thrilled to hear how much you enjoyed this chapter and the character development in particular. Thank you very much for that, it means a lot xxx

 Report Review

Review #14, by Beeezie Chapter Four: Silence Part Three

19th March 2015:
This story really is addictive. Well, further up and further in!

I love everyoneís reaction to winding up in Germany. I actually totally get the insistence on knowing where in Germany, even though it really pretty irrelevant - when something so out of the ordinary happens, itís natural to grasp at any straws you can to feel like youíve maintained some hold on the situation. Itís a super common reaction to intense stress. And I like the fact that theyíre in Germany - that implies a vague connection with Grindelwald, I think, which is cool.

I love how youíve dealt with the Black Forest. Itís kind of inspiring me to do some research and send my Rose or Victoire there when Iím done rewriting my fics - I hope you donít mind too much if I do! Iím so glad you included Lethifolds in Dracoís recitation of all the monsters that live there - theyíre my favorite obscure magical creature (though the nitpicker in me has to point out that they usually live in the tropics :P). As soon as I saw that, I wanted them to bump into one and have Harry have to use Expecto Patronum so bad. Iím not sure why Iím fixated on that, I just think it would be really funny.

I also really liked that you had Draco use the Imperius Curse. I think it did a couple really important things - it let us know as readers how those curses are viewed in this world, which IMO is important. Desperate times and all that - Harry uses both Imperio and Crucio in DH, after all. From Seamusís reaction, Iím not sure that he and Parvati know the Imperius Curse at all, which I found surprising - was it kept that under wraps in the FWW (which, of course, this still is)? It was nice that you didnít dwell, though - the unpleasant taste in Harryís mouth was enough to get a lot of subtlety across, IMO.

Oh, thatís where Seamusís line comes from! Love it.

AH DRACO DOESNíT SPEAK PARSELTONGUE! Of course he couldnít let the basilisk in! That seemed weird to me from the start, but I was so busy freaking out over the story that I didnít really process why.

(I like them falling into the river and everything, but Iím going to freak out over that instead, because oh my god, I love the way exchanges of information can get so strange so quickly here. Yes.)

This is something thatís making me super, super curious, and the fact that you donít immediately address it.

Instead, you make Ron - our Ron - show up. And oh wow, I guess their Ron really is dead, then. And no, Alex, that did not really work as I think you intended it to. Fail. But now Iím confused about whether that was really a dream or not (though I hope it wasnít, because Ron could be very useful, though heíd undoubtedly raise approximately a gazillion questions, too).

Oh my god, Iím half done with the first book, arenít I?? Oh dear. Well, at least there are more after this!

- Branwen

(Left for the HPFF Fundraiser - Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: I'd be honoured if you incorporated more of the Black Forest into your story, be my guest!

Yes, it was important to me to address the moral ambiguity within the group by Draco using an unforgivable curse. Because, yes, it's illegal, but he did it for the guy's own good. It highlights Draco's shades of grey.

Yes, no parseltongue for Draco! Again, I sort of like the idea that he lets people give him more trouble for his part in the school falling than necessary, because he feels he deserves it, rather than just setting the record straight with that simple fact :-)

Yeah poor Alex, it didn't quite work out as planned! That's not to say the experiment was a total waste though... ;-)


 Report Review

Review #15, by Beeezie Chapter Four: Silence Part Two

19th March 2015:
Oh, Hermione.

I really love that sheís the reason they start to waver, despite her complete lack of training and understanding of the magical world. (And I love that she cites D&D as a reason they should bring her. Of course Hermione would get into D&D if her magic went unidentified.)

I was wondering whether they were going to come along - those chapters didnít seem to be quite enough justification to include them in the banner. (Which might mean Ron isnít quite as dead as heís rumored to be? Itís weird to guess at charactersí importance using the banner I made 8 months ago! :P)

Just a thought, though - they seem to keep emphasizing that these kids are untrained, but Iíd think that given the situation, their parents would have at least tried to teach them basic protection spells - the stunning spell, full body bind, expelliarmus, etc - if not other spells as well. Itís certainly not as good as a Hogwarts education, but itís not nothing. Parvati claims to have some training, but the general thought is there, and it confused me a little.

(Oh, please please please tell me you have Harry use the Patronus Charm at some point, that would make their jaws drop. Their Harry clearly isnít anywhere near as experienced as the Harry we know and love. Iím already loving how taken aback they are by his knowledge... which is ironic, given that our Harry was completely oblivious about the world of magic until he was 11.)

I really, really like the way youíre handling Hermione. Theyíve all been through very different experiences than the versions of themselves that we know, but Iíd argue none more so than Hermione - they still existed in the wizarding world, even if it was a very different one, but Hermioneís been cut off from it and severely bullied. I feel like youíre making great choices over what to keep consistent and what to change.

So yeah. Great chapter, but what on earth are they doing in Germany???

- Branwen

(Left for the HPFF Fundraiser - Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: I'm really thrilled you loved my treatment of Hermione so much, as I poured a lot into her and almost feel like she's a different character to the canon (I feel the same way about Draco too, he's my precious baby hahaha!)

I think the general idea is that, yes, parents did the best they could with home schooling, and I'm sure there are lots of tutors about, but it's not quite the same as going to school and learning properly. Some kids, like Draco, would have focused their attention on more specific areas (i.e. he had to be a good little Death Eater.) Whereas Sarah Potter, we learn later, was far more interested in Quidditch and struggled to study much in her first couple of years.

It must be strange for you to know who was on the banners before reading the fic, I can't blame you for trying to guess what's going to happen!


 Report Review

Review #16, by Beeezie Chapter Four: Silence Part One

18th March 2015:
Iím back!

I loved Lilyís anger at the beginning of the chapter. I think it makes perfect sense - James vouched for Peter, in a sense, and in that way, this is his fault. (Though really, sheís known him for years - this is on her, too.)

When Draco started talking about Freiheit, I kind of wanted to smack Harry for not just playing along and reading the room. I mean, come on, Harry, even a simple shrug would have been sufficiently vague. But, at the same time, that does fit Harryís character. He doesnít tend to think very quickly on his feet if no oneís pointing a wand at his head.

I like the way youíre having Draco reveal a lot of things that we know and that this Harry knows. Itís kept the story from dragging while we wait for big reveals, and itís also completely plausible - Draco tended to know a lot more than most people did, and in a world like this, I can see him being even better informed.

Iím happy to see Harryís friends tagging along, though - itíll be interesting to see where you go with this!

So, yeah, great chapter overall.

That said, I wasnít quite convinced by Lily and Jamesís reaction later on, after theyíd all gone inside. I get that itís their kid, but theyíre reacting as though this is a surprise, not a constant threat theyíve been afraid of since they had Harry. But that doesnít make a whole lot of sense to me - it sounds like theyíve been in hiding for about fifteen years, so they must live with this anxiety nonstop. And, though itís not the same as losing your child, theyíve lost many, many close friends over the years. The grief makes sense, but not the shock.

Other than that, though, I really enjoyed this chapter. The story is progressing terrifically, and I canít wait to read on.

- Branwen

(Left for the HPFF Fundraiser - Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: Lol, yeah, I'm glad you approve of Harry's character assessment here, he isn't always the fastest on the uptake :-P

I think that's a fair point about the Potters. I suppose I was just thinking about it from a grieving parents POV, and not really what their lives have been like for the past 15 years. I think that slots into the category of "I started this when I was 17 and didn't really think it all through" lol :-P


 Report Review

Review #17, by Beeezie  Chapter Three: No Light No Light Part Two

18th March 2015:
AHHH this is such a good story, my graphics are not worthy.

I am loving Draco so much in this. The dynamic between him - as someone who does know a lot of what Harry knows in his own world - and Harry is absolutely hilarious, and Iím also really enjoying Hermione, whoís gotten the cliff notes version of the truth.

During the entire confrontation with Peter, I was waving my arms at my computer screen and trying not to scream ďSTUN HIM FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HEíS GOING TO ESCAPE AND RUIN EVERYTHING!Ē because my boyfriend is asleep and has work tomorrow, and he quite reasonably like to be, you know, well rested for work.

But wow.

I love how Draco dropped the meek little puppy act when he got angry enough. I can totally, totally understand that - I suffer from depression, and I can get like that sometimes just because, but there are things that just trigger an on switch and listening to someone lie through their teeth like that? Definitely one of them. Ugh Peter is the worst.

But he blew his cover. He got so flustered by Harry knowing things that he couldnít possibly know and Draco being in the Pottersí living room that he blew his cover. And I love that, and it is so, so realistic - as is James and Sirius jumping through all kinds of mental hoops to explain the slips rather than accept the simplistic explanation: that Peterís slipping because Peterís a snake. It also made sense to me that Remus and Lily would be quicker to catch on and less willing to let it go - as purebloods, James and Sirius are still very much operating from a place of privilege that Lily and Remus donít have, and it shows.

But wow, that one decision. I hadnít really processed that it was that one decision that changed everything, but it was, and I can see how that would be the case. God, itís sick, but the world was kind of better off with that awful, awful decision and the Potters dead.

Oh, Peter. Yes, Harry is quite capable of standing up to grown wizards because he has feelings. Also, please someone give Hermione a wand and tell her a few spells, because I have every faith that that girl will make it work. And I love this line:

Seamus stood in front of her protectively, and they both had their wands out and pointed at Malfoy, though not with half the conviction Harry and Malfoy had theirs at Wormtail.

Yeah, they wouldnít. No matter what Dracoís done in this universe, they wouldnít.

(Iím writing this review as I read, can you tell?)

Ugh you guys you let Peter get away, why did you wait so long? Just stun him and figure it out later!

(No, I get why they didnít. BUT STILL.)

Yeah, this story is addicting. Why doesnít it have more reviews? Well, youíre helping Ravenclaw win the reviewing competition, because I literally canít stop reading, and if we win, each review I leave is a pound for HPFF. So basically, youíre helping HPFF by being awesome. Go you.

- Branwen

(Left for the HPFF Fundraiser - Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: So, this review seemed quite intimidating as it was so long, but then I read it and HOLY CHEESEBALLS I'm not worthy of such praise! Thank you so much!

Lol, I like the idea of you trying not to yell at your laptop in the dark, I've definitely been there myself :-P

I'm really, really glad that the thought process behind all the characters' reactions shows here, as it's a very tricky scene and I wanted everyone represented realistically.

Aww thank you. The funny thing is, in all the years I've been posting this story, it's never been huge on the reviews, which is a shame but I'll take a few good ones over none or lots of bad ones haha! I hope Ravenclaw did well in the competition, I'm happy to help you out! :-D

PS, Don't be silly, it's my story that isn't worthy of your images!!

 Report Review

Review #18, by Beeezie Chapter Three: No Light No Light Part One

18th March 2015:
Oh, Draco.

Iíve really grown to like Draco, in recent years. Not Draco as he appears in the series, really, but based on what we saw in HBP and DH, I think there was a lot of capacity for growth there, and Iíve always been curious about what he (and his parents, to a lesser extent) did later in life. My interpretation in my Scorose fics has generally been fairly charitable toward Draco, but when I saw that heíd showed up, I really wanted to know what alternate reality Draco was like.

And wow, I was not disappointed.

I wasnít quite sure about your description of Seamus hitting him - the result seemed to be a little drastic for one punch. But the disgust and anger from Seamus and Parvati was perfect, IMO - it seemed like they reacted more on principle than out of any special desire to defend Hermione, which makes sense for a bunch of teenagers who have seen far too much of the world, especially if Draco is already a Death Eater. (Which raised the question of how on earth he knew who she was, and kind of confirmed the concern I raised about having a list laying around in the last chapterís review.)

I also loved Harryís initial confusion at Parvatiís assertion that he couldnít do anything to hurt Voldemort. I mean, fair enough, their Harry hasnít, but this Harry and our Harry had done quite a bit to hurt Voldemort even before the end of OotP, HBP, and DH. His track record of ďhurting VoldemortĒ was pretty good.



You and your cliffhangers will be the end of my attempt at a reasonable sleep cycle. Itís all your fault.

Awesome chapter.

- Branwen

(Left for the HPFF Fundraiser - Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: Right! I'm back to tackle some more of these reviews (only 4 months late lol!)

Draco is my favourite character, basically because I'm a sucker for a good redemption arc. He has a lot to prove in the canon, and I branched out with that in this story too. I'm glad you weren't disappointed by him :-)

Yeah, poor Seamus and Parvati have definitely seen too much of the world :-(

Lol, yeah, cliff-hangers are definitely my MO :-D xxx

 Report Review

Review #19, by Beeezie Chapter Two: Sleeping Sickness Part Two

18th March 2015:
Hermione listened intently, asking numerous questions, never needing to be told anything twice.

Of course she didnít. Oh, Hermione. How we all love you.

I like the light she was able to shed on this - and what she wasnít able to explain. Hermioneís clearly very quick on her feet, and you didnít dumb that down at all, but thereís clearly a limit on what she can know, and I thought you walked that line really, really well. I also loved the little bit of explanation about how the Ministry is approaching Muggleborns these days. Itís nice to know that they acknowledge the problem, but theyíre clearly letting some things slip, and it worries me to think of the Ministry - which is so rife with corruption throughout the HP series - having access to a list of Muggleborns. That could really do more harm than good!

I did wonder at how quickly Hermione was willing to cast aside all the rules sheíd lived by for fifteen or sixteen years, but I can see how this sort of revelation might do that to a person, even one like Hermione, particularly when taken in context with the rest of her life - that story she told Harry about the science lab was chilling.

And the cliffhanger - oh boy. I was going to go back to writing after this review, but you just couldnít have that, could you? :P

- Branwen

(Left for the HPFF Fundraiser - Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: Thank you for complimenting Hermione again in this chapter and how she dealt with the situation. I worked extremely hard to get the tone of her reaction right, so that is wonderful to hear. I love that the science lab story came over as chilling!

Haha, yeah, that's definitely one of my favourite cliff-hangers of the whole trilogy ;-D


 Report Review

Review #20, by Beeezie Chapter Two: Sleeping Sickness Part One

18th March 2015:
Itís so fun to read through this after making all the graphics for it - seeing the context of the quotes is really interesting. Iím glad the fundraiser is giving me an excuse to go through and check this story out. :)

I love the little things youíve kept the same. Hedwig, his wand - theyíre such little things in some ways, but they really make me think about what sorts of things really are innate. I mean, the wand chooses the wizard, but the same wand chose a Harry that had grown up in wildly different circumstances. Itís just really interesting.

I like the way Sarah is continuing to cover for him without really knowing whatís going on, too. I have a brother who Iím close to, so Iím a sucker for a well-written sibling relationship, which this is turning out to be.

And Hermione... I really, really like that you had Harry go to her first, even knowing that she probably has no idea that sheís a witch. Itís really in keeping with their characters and relationship, I think - Harry really came to rely on Hermione to explain and fix things, and I can see how heíd think she might have a better shot of figuring out this whole mess even without a Hogwarts education. (I think heís probably right.) You captured her confusion and emotional state perfectly, too - of course sheís had to deal with a lot of turmoil because no oneís addressed her magic, which is a giant elephant in the room, and I thought that her anguish came across as very genuine.

There is one tiny thing I wasnít sure about, though: in this chapter, you refer to the Healer as ďDr Jaisun.Ē That seemed a little weird to me - in OotP, Iím pretty sure they were called ďHealer SmythwyckĒ (or whatever), not ďDr.Ē I think you may have called the Healer a doctor in the last chapter, too, but I kind of filed it away for mention and forgot about it. Itís a really minor thing, but it did strike me as being weird and out of place.

Otherwise, though? Amazing chapter. :)

- Branwen

(Left for the HPFF Fundraiser - Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: I bet it's interesting for you to see the context of the quotes from the graphics! It's exciting for me to know you're able to put the two together now :-D

I am a sucker for the details lol ;-)

Yeah, my brother is my best friend (and also my incredible editor, seriously, this book series would be nothing without him) so siblings are a big theme in my works. Sarah is incredibly important to me and very dear to my heart, so when people engage with her it makes me immensely proud :-D

I'm thrilled how much you appreciated Hermione's introduction xxx

Yeah, that's what you get for not reading the canon or even other fanfiction for years! It definitely should be Healer, not Dr, and that's something I will definitely change in my grand master edit.


 Report Review

Review #21, by Beeezie  Chapter One: Over The Rainbow Part Two

17th March 2015:
Huh. This was really intriguing.

I really like the butterfly effect that youíve alluded to. There are some pretty substantial changes to the timeline, but I think that they make perfect sense - Voldemort not dying would really change things around a lot, and I think it also speaks to the importance of Ron and Hermione in Harryís story - they werenít really just supporting characters, they were major participants and contributors in a lot of ways. Without them, of course Harry wouldnít know what to do about the basilisk (though Iím wondering if thereís more of a story there), and since we saw them about to close the school after the few nonfatal attacks in CoS, itís not at all difficult to imagine the school closing if people actually died.

And, on a more visceral level, it was kind of a punch in the gut to hear that Ron had died and Hermione probably didnít even know she was a witch - particularly after hearing that Lily and James are alive and had another child after Harry. It was a lot to absorb, but I like the way you handled it, and I like Sarah, too.

One tiny bit of crit, though: early on, when Harry first woke up and thought Lily was an imposter, I didnít quite feel the urgency I think I probably should have. Itís a little hard to articulate, but I felt like you approached the scene from the perspective of knowing that this Lily was the real thing, even if Harry himself was confused. (If that makes any sense?) I would have like to see a little more uncertainty in that.

Otherwise, though, great chapter, and I canít wait to see who he uses Hedwig to find!

- Branwen

(Left for the HPFF Fundraiser - Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: Okay - I'm tackling the reviews one by one again!

I'm really happy to hear you appreciated all the changes in the alternate reality, I thought long and hard about their implications. Especially the reaction of hearing Ron was dead. It seemed logical to me the Weasleys would be taken out, as such an important pureblood family on the 'wrong' side to Voldemort. But also, stripping Harry of his best friends at the start was important to get that isolated feeling across.

As for Harry's reaction to Lily, I can appreciate what your saying and I'm a bit sad to hear I didn't quite pull off the urgency. When I first wrote that scene over a decade ago it was almost comical, Harry was just a bit freaked out rather than down right terrified/confused/suspicious/appalled. So every time I re-wrote it I had to make it more and more believable, but I'm not surprised if some of that residual complacency seeped through. Ah well, live and learn! Hxxx

 Report Review

Review #22, by Beeezie Chapter One: Over The Rainbow Part One

17th March 2015:
Iím back for more!

I like how youíve set this up. Youíve really thrown Harry into major turmoil - even more serious turmoil, IMO, than the end of OotP, when Sirius actually died, because here thereís this sense of helplessness that itís very difficult to move past, where there... well, Sirius was already dead. I think you nailed Harry's probable reaction here - the anger felt very genuine to me.

As much as the anger, though, the sheer frustration - not just from Harry, but from Ron and Hermione as well - really hit me. I found OotP frustrating on a lot of levels because the Ministry's actions were just so ridiculous at times, and seeing that reflected here was perfect.

That said, I do have a couple little bits of CC for this chapter.

I felt like it was a little unrealistic that Dumbledore needed Ron to point out that maybe Arthur could be helpful - Iíd assume that Dumbledore would be several steps ahead of all of them when it came to something like this.

There was also something about Harry's interaction with Draco that felt a little forced - your description of Harry's reaction to Draco made Harry come off as unusually passive to me, and I also wasn't really sure why Draco was spelling it out so clearly. When we saw him mocking Harry over Sirius in the books, he was a lot more vague than he was here. I feel like cutting out most of the dialogue and just leaving "I heard the dog catcher's going to get a nice Christmas bonus here" (or something similar) would have been sufficient and more in-character for these two.

Other than that, though, I thought this was a great chapter. Nice job! :)

- Branwen

(Left for the HPFF Fundraiser - Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed Harry's reaction to the situation here, I spent a very long time indeed honing a realistic response and I'm happy to hear it felt genuine.

Thank you for the constructive criticism, people aren't always brave enough to offer that!

I think you make very valid points, and I'd like to just offer a little bit of contact that will explain some of the hiccups later in the book too (I hope anyway!)

I started writing this story in 2002, and it continued slowly into a trilogy until 2011 when I realised the whole thing was a bit of a mess and I wasn't sure how to end it. So I decided to go back a 'tweak' it...which resulted in a complete and utter re-write that spanned a very intense 3 years. These few beginning chapters ended up being thoroughly re-written 3-4 times, and I'm not surprised to hear that the encounters with Draco and Dumbledore perhaps don't sit quite as well as the rest of it. By the time I came to adding them in it was a bit hard to see the wood for the trees!

At present, I am not planning on going back and doing any more edits, as twelve years writing one story is more than enough! However, if I create a webpage for the trilogy I would consider doing a final, master edit to take into account all the little corrections etc that I've had whilst publishing the series. At that point I would absolutely take into account advice like you have given me here, as I do want this trilogy to be the best it can be. I just also want to work on other things now, rather than worrying over the same story like a dog with a bone lol ;-)

I hope that give you some context for this and later chapters :-)


 Report Review

Review #23, by Beeezie Prologue: Parallel Lives

17th March 2015:
Hey, you! Thereís a fundraising competition going on over at the forums, and I thought that Iíd take the opportunity to check out the stories Iíve made so many graphics for! :)

This was a great read, and Iím excited to get to more of it. I thought that your prose was really lovely - I felt like you described the setting (and Alex and Jia!) vividly without interrupting the flow of chapter. That balancing act can be tough to pull off, IMO - Iíve definitely struggled with it in the past, so it was wonderful to see you do it so elegantly. Along the same lines, I thought that the way you introduced the world itself was really well-done; I was left feeling like Iíd gathered all the information I needed to move forward from the little bit of dialogue between Alex and Jia, which was perfect.

Beyond those mechanics - wow, this is a really, really interesting idea for a story! I donít know if youíve ever read the Chrestomanci series by Diana Wynne Jones, but it kind of put me in the mind of that, a little. I doubt youíre going to be dealing with the thousands and thousands of realities - probably just one or two (although Iím pretty sure Iíve made a CI for Godric Gryffindor, so maybe not?) - but itís a backdrop thatís intriguing, and it makes Alex and Jia compelling characters who very much have their own agendas. Iím interested to see how you play them off Harry & co.

Really terrific start to the story - I canít wait to read on. :)

- Branwen

(Left for the HPFF Fundraiser - Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: Right - I am going to make a start on responding to your reviews Branwen! I have never had such detailed feedback (other than from my editors) and I am so incredibly touched that you would take so much time to write such long and thoughtful responses to every single chapter! And it's for a great cause, how brilliant :-)

So, all I can really say to this one is thank you SO much for your kind words! The opener of a book (and especially a trilogy!) is essential to get right and draw people in, and I'm thrilled to hear how much you responded to my OCs and in particular how you enjoyed my prose. As an aspiring writer that's pretty much the highest praise you can get!

Okay, on to the next one!


 Report Review

Review #24, by Girldreamer Epilogue: The Man Who Sold The World

10th March 2015:
I must admit I almost stopped reading after the prologue, as the story didn't seem like my cup of tea, but I'm so happy I continued. Your story is really amazing, and you've done a great job at keeping everyone in character. I can't wait to start on the second book :)

Author's Response: These are the best kind of reviews! I'm SO happy you carried on and changed your mind! Thank you for the compliments, that's really great to hear. I hope you enjoy the second book as much - it's a bit of a departure but I hope you stick with it as well! Big hugs Hxxx

 Report Review

Review #25, by Mrs_H Epilogue: The Man Who Sold The World

9th December 2014:
Excellent story, except for the idiotic non-sequitur of a prologue and epilogue. However, aside from that, it's one of the best written AU HP fics I''ve ever read -- well plotted, well written, and very, very well worth reading.

My only worry is that I am going to find that there is no "book two/three" and the promised trilogy ends here with a cliff-hanger. Oh, well -- thanks for sharing thisi story, even if it does end here.

Author's Response: Hi there!

Thank you for taking the time to write a review, I appreciate every single one I get and I'm delighted to hear you enjoyed the story so much. I'm sorry the prologue and epilogue weren't to your taste, but I guess you can't please everyone can you!

As for the trilogy, I can assure you I spent 12 years in total completing this saga, and didn't begin to publish until it was 100% finished. If you look on my author page you can see book two is about half way posted already, and I'm updating as fast as HPFF will let me. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as the first instalment, and I also very much hope the events of the prologue and epilogue become clearer and have more meaning as a result. I see them as being essential to the overall plot, and would love the chance to change your mind ;-)

Many thanks once again for sharing your thoughts and compliments, and I can't wait to see what you make of the rest of the trilogy.

Kind regards,


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>