Reading Reviews for The Wizarding World War
  
43 Reviews Found

Review #1, by luvinpadfoot The Eight Families

7th September 2014:
Your societies are so carefully constructed! You've definitely done a lot of research and work for this story and it shows. All the little facts from history, the details about the Salem Witch Trials, emphasize and explain the current society in America and it all makes logical sense. It's really astounding how you tie in all these details and build them up into a whole culture that feels logically sound and stable. I'm honestly curious how much time you spent building these cultures because wow.

I like the little detail of them driving to and from the feast and "showing off your muggle finest." It feels a lot different from the HP society in which the purebloods don't want anything to do with muggle technology. It makes sense that the Americans would be closer to the muggle heritage, at least just based on stereotypes (which is what I thought about the Chinese wizarding culture too). They're all very tied in to what we think of the actual cultures with nonmagical people.

The silly awards were a brilliant touch. I love the idea of all the kids breaking off from the main event to vote on the most bigoted couple, and how it's an honor for the kids of that couple to the extent that they have an acceptance speech and everything. It's really cute and definitely something I could see a group of children doing.

Eloise and Charlie make an interesting pair. They both seem like troublemakers, though Charlie obviously leads the way while Eloise is a touch more refined (I think, so far). I'm intrigued to see where Charlie's character is going, what with her father being the Governor and all. One note on Charlie: I know you described them as "two girls" during Eloise's section and her sections describes her definitively as a girl, but until the POV switched to her, I thought Charlie was a guy. Maybe you could make it a little more explicitly clear at the beginning since Charlie is often assumed to be a masculine name?

Your description of the building was beautiful and I loved how you described the taste and feeling of champagne. You've got wonderful description in all your stories as well as well crafted characters and cultures. I can't wait until the plot kicks in and we get a real look at what this story's about! You've introduced everyone amazingly and now I'm eager to see how they all tie together and what happens! I really want to offer you more helpful critiques, but I don't have any. You've just built up this magnificent story that feels like it's going to be an epic.

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Review #2, by luvinpadfoot The Gobi Academy

6th September 2014:
This was a really abrupt shift, but I liked it! It's almost like you're hiding this war fic within a generic next gen setting. I'm really looking forward to where you go with the war and it seems (though I could very well be wrong) that it'll have an emphasis on China as well as the others. I don't think there are many stories about wizards in other countries on this site, especially ones not explicitly mentioned in the series and this is such an original concept!

You write the Chinese setting very well. I say that with the disclaimer that I know absolutely nothing about China or Chinese culture, so you could very well be making it all up, but it feels like you've done your research. I like that you've changed things so drastically. There's still the statute of secrecy, but it's much more strict with the Gobi Academy and that (seems to) fit with the different culture. The way you built the differences was lovely and thorough. Instead of just changing a thing here and there, it really feels as though you've constructed this whole different society; the way the parents are obliviated, the different age of the first years, the politics. It shows how much world building you've done. Either that or you're just really good at making things up as you go along. But I'm leaning towards the former.

The Wangs made me giggle a bit. I think we all know that old couple that's just a little too nosy and nitpicky about every tiny regulation for their own good. Even down to the long walks. They're great quirky characters to add, as are all your characters. They all have such distinct personalities, though a lot of this seemed briefer than those in the previous chapter. I'm not yet sure who are going to emerge as the "main" characters or if this is going to be focused on the entire ensemble.

The way you brought the memory in at the end felt very natural, but I wasn't sure if you needed the whole paragraph of dialogue. It almost seemed a little clunky, especially considering the readers have just read what happened two chapters prior in the prologue. I understand she's explaining it to her husband, but it might flow better if it was shorter or she added some of her own thoughts to it instead of just summarizing. Like the line at the end when she says she thought it was a dream for years. The importance is not so much what happened since we've seen it already, but how it affected her. Hopefully that makes sense. That's still me being pretty nitpicky, though.

"She was nothing like a stormy cloud but every little bit like an earthquake." I just adore this line. It's wonderful imagery and you don't analyze it in the sentences after or anything. It's just there and makes you think and wow so lovely.

This was another wonderful chapter and I'm getting more and more interested in where the story's going and how all the various characters fit in! :)

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Review #3, by luvinpadfoot The Hogwarts Express

31st August 2014:
My reviews for this will probably be a little shorter than the one I left on English Ivy because it takes longer to discuss the story as a whole instead of one portion of it. Also, apologies for the delay. I'm lazy as anything sometimes. I should be getting to the rest of your chapters um within the week.

To start, the prologue was really intriguing. I'm not sure how it's going to relate back to the rest of the story yet, but I'm definitely interested in finding out. Not sure what else to say on that, except it was really well written, as is all your stuff that I've read.

I loved that you had Roxanne going by Anne. I've never seen that before and I haven't avoided next gen by any means. It's such a small thing, but it suggests a lot about her personality since nicknames are generally a choice. To add on to this, her and Lucy on a whole are very interesting characters. Just the way they acted to Rose and Victoire's dismissal that twelve is hardly different from eleven.

Actually, most of my notes were on your characterization because I just adore it. All of your characters are so unique and interesting, but not in a way that makes them seem like you're just adding quirky traits. They all seemed incredibly real, from Rose's line about manners not being sex-specific to James acting like a thirteen year old with his jokes and the bet about the Bertie Bott's Beans. I could pull a dozen specific example, but that seems kind of like a waste of time since I didn't have any critiques on any of them. The only thing I'd maybe mention is that sometimes you can make characters a little too real and kind of boring, but you don't seem headed in that direction at all. I'll bring it up later if it is a concern.

I adored the bit with James and the thestrals. You mixed the elements of him being a real person with thoughts and feelings with him being a thirteen year old boy perfectly. Because let's be honest, he is a thirteen year old boy and the line about kicking the bucket in front of him was very well phrased. He's not a psychopath, he's just a thirteen year old boy. Sometimes it can be a little hard to differentiate the two.

Rose had a line I loved. "I just want them to think I'm interesting. I think they're interesting." That's such a Slytherin line from her, but it's also just intriguing to think over. Because yeah, it makes perfect sense. That's a very valid reason to be nice to someone. I wasn't really surprised she was Sorted into Slytherin (I've read and written a lot of next gen and at some point even the strangest combinations stop surprising you), but I'm glad not all the Wotters are in Gryffindor. That can get a bit tiresome and variety is always welcome.

I don't really have any critiques or comments on the plot since it hasn't really begun yet. This was a nice introduction chapter with (I assume) most of the key players in the story. It didn't feel too slow or rushed and it introduced the characters' personalities very well. Maybe be careful with the transitions between POV? That's pretty nitpicky since it wasn't an issue at all, but I did notice that you tended to switch between the sections except for one line about Rose's Sorting from her POV in the middle of James's section. The line stuck out a little, but it didn't take me out of the story or anything. Omniscient is a hard POV to write and I'm generally pretty nitpicky about it.

But it was a lovely beginning and I thoroughly enjoyed it! Can't wait to get to more, especially concerning the war and general plot.

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Review #4, by marauderfan On A Winged Horse

27th August 2014:
Hi! I'm here with your requested review... and many apologies for taking so long to do it! Real life has taken me away from HPFF a lot lately! :(

Okay, so a refresher, since it's been a while - you were wondering how things in the story were progressing, whether there was too much going on at once, and if the story is still interesting. I think the story is progressing well. Especially at the end with that cliff hanger, I feel like important things are about to happen/have been happening in the background the whole time and the next chapter is about to be when things start to collide between the various different groups. So that's pretty exciting!

As for how much is happening at one time... it is kind of a lot. Mainly just that there are a lot of characters and sometimes it's hard to keep track of them, or in the case of some of the really minor characters like Peng and Lei, whose kids they are and whether or not I remember them being mentioned before. That said, a lot of characters is not a bad thing. I do like the way you introduced them in groups in the beginning and not all at one time - you've given a few chapters of time to get used to all the characters, so it's like a way of easing into a large cast of characters.

And yes indeed, the story is definitely still intriguing! That cliff hanger ugh, that absolutely makes me want to keep on reading and see how all these pieces fit together. It's quite an ambitious fic I think, trying to tie together so many different stories, and I'm really looking forward to see how you do it!

Great chapter, and once again so sorry for taking ages to get to it! Keep up the awesome writing. :)

Author's Response: No worries about the time! And thank you for the review :3 I'm definitely making notes of your notes! haha. Thank you for the kind words!!
-emma


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Review #5, by Chazzie Hogsmeade Weekend

24th August 2014:
Hi!
I was rather impressed with your portrayal of Teddy, especially with his drinking problem. I think it is something that could really shape his relationship with Victoire. Perhaps it also hints that Teddy will be involved with the War, fighting? Just because he currently doesn't have a job, it would likely make him one of the first recruits. Dom has been attacked? By whom I wonder. I get the feeling that there is a slight hold of information between the generation gap of 'Hogwarts Era' and elder, and the 'New Generation'. McGonagall and Bill and Arthur, for example, seem to know that War is on the horizon. In cortrast to the likes of Teddy, who seems rather oblivious to it. Although I suppose the older generation of characters have already lived through one or more war and might pick up on the signs. Great job, I loved it!
Lottie

Author's Response: Thank you!! :3 Dominique's attack isn't very war-related but there will be some comments coming that are a bit foreshadow-ey :) Much like with Fleur in the previous chapter, this whole chapter will hopefully have some major editing done to it soon as I'm just not at all pleased with how it turned out. But thanks for another kind review! :3 I love your reviews!!!
-emma


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Review #6, by DoctorUnderwood On The Bank Of The Nile

10th August 2014:
This was the best chapter yet. I thoroughly enjoyed it!

Author's Response: aww thank you so much!

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Review #7, by Chazzie On The Bank Of The Nile

8th August 2014:
EMMA! YOU HAVE A NEW BANNER! WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN :O It's very cool, although I did like the previous one too. I think I'm coping with the characters, and that was only two more in this chapter. If I start losing track of who's who then I'll let you know (but that will probably be after I draw a mind map to show how they all relate, and then see if I'm still confused. I love the characters, and I am determined to remember as many as possible :D ). I liked Bill, but Fleur was rather snappy. I can understand that though, as Bill didn't tell her about the work stuff until after. I enjoyed the snippet about her favourite place being in Versailles, and then brought up again by Tahir with her accent. And that you have tied in a link to Charlie's home town with the metal wands. I seriously love the idea!
Lottie

Author's Response: LOTTIE! :D thank you for continuing to put up with my characters O:) you're a saint. Fleur *was* rather snappy, and I've never been 100% happy with her characterization in this chapter, so I'll probably go back and edit it quite a bit at some point in the future. :)

thank you for another sweet review!!
-emma


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Review #8, by Chazzie Slytherin Beginnings

3rd August 2014:
Hey Emma!
Aww poor Rose! Chucked in at the deep end with the snakes, and then left to fend for herself with a very irate head girl. I loved your description of the Slytherin common room and dorms, it was very interesting. Victoire is no doubt wondering why on earth Rose would trip up her friend, which is a shame when she didn't really. Still, I doubt she'd be willing to say that to Eleanor. I may be wrong, so if I am then just ignore me, but I'm not sure this quite sounded right - 'She knew that blood status didnít a good wizard make'. Perhaps something like 'She knew that blood status didn't determine a wizard's skill'?
I really liked the way you stepped back in time to get Rose's POV and the situation surrounding Eleanor's fall. I can't believe you're planning 100 chapters, that's amazing. :D
Lottie

Author's Response: LOTTIE :3 I love your reviews thank you so much for continuing to leave them :) I'm glad you liked this chapter as well :) and you're right! I'll go back and have a look at that line :) Also - I know I said in my response to your last review that no other major characters/settings would be getting introduced anymore BUT I OOPSED I forgot about the chapter after this one BUT I SWEAR that's it I promise.

emma


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Review #9, by kenpo Prologue : The Wizarding Hemispheric Conflict of 1979

3rd August 2014:
Hello! I'm here for the swap!

Gasp!

This seems like such a cool story. I'm ridiculously intrigued. The idea of having this set in China totally sets your story apart, and I'm just so excited to keep reading!!!

I also love that it's from the POV of the muggles!

Ahhh I'm just already totally in love with this story and since it was a short chapter there's not a whole lot for me to say other than that I'm really excited to keep reading this.

By the way, I also like that you've got such a short first chapter. It's a good way to draw the reader in without making them commit to reading a really long first chapter.

YAY I'M EXCITED.

-Georgia

Author's Response: holy mother of c r a p i am so sorry that it's 1) taken me so long to respond to this review and 2) taken me so long to *do my part of the review swap* i literally don't know what happened please feel free to throw things at me. one review coming you way extremely soon!

but thank you for the super beyond lovely review!!! :3

-emma


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Review #10, by lexiatel A Family Affair

3rd August 2014:
Review Tag!!! :)

Wow, this was great! I loved Ron, he's so funny! And Hermione, ahaha, loved her in this piece! She got a little of her own medicine with Molly commenting on her potatoes!

I notice a lot of people make Lily into a tattletale or know it all, I LOVE this, I am really really starting to enjoy Next Gen books!

Can't wait to read more! :)

Rated it a 9/10

PS: also loved Longbottom, he's like the COOLEST professor EVAH!

Author's Response: i am literally a mountain of human garbage i can't believe that it's taken me so long to follow through on this review swap i am the W U R S T ! one review coming your way extremely super soon!!

but thank you so much for the sweet review!!!

-emma


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Review #11, by Chazzie On A Winged Horse

2nd August 2014:
Ooh the other sister from the prologue! I loved the easiness with which you have written both heterosexual and homosexual relationships, it was brilliant to read. I was grinning quite happily about that, the chapter was really good. You have a lot of characters which I'm still trying to keep a track of, but you mention details about them that would make it seem odd if they weren't there. And they shall probably all be important in future chapters. So over all I was really enjoying the chapter, and then BAMN. Cliffhanger. Really Emma? Gah I need to know what's going to happen! Well... Other than a war that is.
Brilliant chapter, can't wait for the next!
Lottie

Author's Response: Hi again Lottie! Thank you so much for leaving a review!! :D I'm really really glad you're still liking it :) Do let me know if there gets a point when you're like "emma there is seriously too many characters to comprehend what's going on" because I'm very worried about that. I think at this point everyone's pretty much been introduced (at least, the main players), but seriously, let me know! :)

Thanks again, lottie!!
emma


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Review #12, by DoctorUnderwood A Family Affair

29th July 2014:
I liked the scene where Ginny and Hermione were badmouthing Slytherins. Really shows of their friendship.

Enjoyed this chapter too.

You have a really ambitious task ahead of you and I hope you succeed. This story has the potential to be something great.

Till the next time!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the super-kind review!! I'm so glad you're liking it!!

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Review #13, by DoctorUnderwood The Eight Families

29th July 2014:
This is interesting. I can't tell if you're supposed to like these people here. They seem very pretentious in a way, but also kind of friendly. I'm interested to see where this goes from here.

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing! :)

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Review #14, by DoctorUnderwood The Gobi Academy

29th July 2014:
"She was nothing like a stormy cloud but every little bit like an earthquake." - that right there is fantastic line. Could've pulled it out of a great work of literature.

I'm always interested to see what other magical schools look like. Much like schools in the muggle world, they vary greatly.

Next chap!

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked that line! :) Thanks for the review!

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Review #15, by DoctorUnderwood The Hogwarts Express

29th July 2014:
I love next gens where the characters are placed in surprisng houses. Though, at this point, Al in Slytherin is a little predictable. But, I've only ever read one other story where Rose is in Slytherin. Incidentally, one of the best I've ever read. I think it was called "Dragon Awakening."

But anyway, I like where this is going!

Author's Response: Thanks! And yeah, some houses get predictable, but there's only so many characters and so many houses ;)

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Review #16, by DoctorUnderwood Prologue : The Wizarding Hemispheric Conflict of 1979

29th July 2014:
Hello! Here for the swapperoo!

I actually started reading this a week or so ago and was very impressed by it, though I did not review.

As in intro, I'd say this works extremely well! New characters and a completely new setting. Really draws you in.

Off to the next chap!

Author's Response: Oh, I glad you got to read it before! I'm pleased that you were impressed :) it means a lot!

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Review #17, by jailbird The Hogwarts Express

23rd July 2014:
Rose in Slythrin is new! I was seriously expecting her to be in Gryffindor.
This is really going well. I like Victorie too. She seems like a genuinely nice character. So does James. It's great how you've tied it back to the epilogue; with Teddy snogging Victorie and the comments about saying hi to Neville and the thestrals.
It's going wonderfully so far. I can't wait to read the next chapter!

Author's Response: I'm so glad you've left a review on your reading progress! Seriously, people who review during their read-throughs are the best :) It really helps me know how the progression of the story is going! I'm glad you're still liking it so far. I do hope you keep reading!

Thanks again!
Emma


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Review #18, by jailbird Prologue : The Wizarding Hemispheric Conflict of 1979

23rd July 2014:
Hey!
This is a really interesting start. There aren't any typos I came across. I like how you've started with an air of mystery and it's an intertesting take to have it from a Muggle's perspective.
I suppose the only criticim I have is that the chapter is maybe a little too short. Maybe put a little more despription in there? The dialogue was great though! I'm really excited to read this story.
Also, your summary was really good too. It really stands out.
Alright, I'm off to read the next chapter. Just wanted to say that I'm really enjoying it! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! :D reviews always make my day :) The prologue is a bit short, but prologues generally are :) I do hope you're liking the rest of the story!! Thanks again!

Emma


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Review #19, by MileyMalfoy A Family Affair

12th July 2014:
As a history major I love the fact that you have added in muggle history throughout this story. The segments of Professor Binns' lecture almost makes me want to be there (strange I know) just to hear all about that history, so you've got me hooked. I also really love how you use this chapter not only to display something like a history class, but also to show the reactions to Rose being put in Slytherin. My favourite one has to be the description of how Ron kept interrupting Hermione's day, especially this part: "I just - Slytherin, Hermione! Our Rosie, a Slytherin. This is too much."

This story is so wonderful to read that I can't wait for the next chapter. Good job!
~Meg
House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: :D I'm a history minor ;) I'm so glad you liked it! I really wanted the backstory to come to light in useful/practical/rational ways so i'm glad that it worked out :) Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Emma


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Review #20, by MileyMalfoy The Eight Families

12th July 2014:
One of the things I love about this story is how much detail you have put in to creating the OCs and the worlds that they live in. It's rather easy to work off of canon or place an OC in Hogwarts (that's my preferred trick) but to come up with entire other systems that still fit into the boundaries of the wizarding world while making something their own takes a lot of work. Thank you so much for doing that! I am loving this story and how it is unfolding, and getting to meet all the different characters makes me feel like something very big is going to unfold (in case the title didn't tell the reader that already or anything). I love love love the little touches, like how the descendants of the Salem witches all get together, and all try to show off their muggle finery, which seems to be so different from the purebloods in England. All in all I can't wait to see how this story evolves, and I'm really enjoying reading it.

Fantastic job!
~ Meg
House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Hi! :) Thanks so much for the review! I'm glad you're enjoying it, and thanks for the compliments! I really hope that everything unfolds properly and you keep enjoying it!

emma


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Review #21, by Chazzie A Family Affair

12th July 2014:
Whoop, another chapter! I really like where this is going. You've introduced quite a few characters and have started hinting towards the approaching war, the foreshadowing works really well. Its great how you've given us background information about the war from Arthur and Binns, its useful in helping the reader understand more about the story without being blatantly obvious about it. Ron's reaction to Rose's sorting is exactly as I would have imagined it, given his long standing hatred of the House. I do hope he becomes more open minded though - we aren't that bad. Her minor is ever logical, and I loved your portrayal of Ginny here. It was really sweet to see her with Lily. Can't wait to read more!
Lottie

House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Thank you for all of the kind words! I'm glad you enjoyed it :) I do hope you keep reading! :)

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Review #22, by lexiatel The Hogwarts Express

10th July 2014:
LOL! Rose is so much like Ron ,I love this!

My favorite line of course (LOL AT JAMES): Earlier when James was re-enacting how you were snogging with Teddy, Fred said that you have snogged almost every boy at Hogwarts.

I like how every time I read James in a Next Gen he ends up being so funny but a real jerk (in a light manner way in most cases), it's weird to picture, since his parents are not that way.

I have to agree with Fred that you forget they are thirteen (the nasty mouthed boys), but I grew up with a lot of boys around, they have such trashy minds at that age, lol, so it's not unrealistic.

HOLY WOW AT ROSE'S SORTING! I didn't expect this... MUST READ ON.!

Rated 10/10 for the surprise ending, lol!

House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: :D Thanks so much for the great review!! I'm glad you liked it and hope you kept reading! :)

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Review #23, by lexiatel Prologue : The Wizarding Hemispheric Conflict of 1979

10th July 2014:
Very nice start to this story, almost chilling (picturing being a Muggle since I am one myself, lol), It's weird how the sister pretends nothing has happened. I don't know how old she is, but it seems very mature of her to do such a thing.

I am going to read on to the next chapter, because you hooked me in, but I figured I would review this for the House Cup.

Rated it an 8/10

House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: :) Hi again! I'm so glad you liked the beginning as well :) Thanks again! -emma

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Review #24, by marauderfan The Eight Families

10th July 2014:
Hello! This is the review you requested ages ago in my thread on the forums - so sorry it took me such a long time as I didn't have internet this past month!

You asked about whether the characters are well-rounded and interesting. Each chapter thus far has focused on different characters, which makes that kind of a difficult question to answer as I feel I don't know any of them that well yet. But, given the large cast introduced in a relatively short time, I think you've done well. One of the things I really liked about the character introduction in this chapter was how you established the elite high-society wizard class in America as the descendants of those involved in the Salem Witch Trials - it's another way that wizards focus a lot on their ancestry, although in an entirely different way to the aristocratic British wizards obsession with pureblood elitism. That's really clever. At least they don't take themselves too seriously though, with the most-bigoted award :p

You also mentioned that your story begins as an average next gen but I don't think that's the case at all! You're starting off with events in three different countries, the next gen Weasleys just one of the three groups. I think it starts off pretty suspenseful, I can tell something big is coming.

The beginning of the chapter seemed pretty disconnected from the rest of the story so far, but with Charlie's dad being in government I can see how this will potentially tie in with the other people's stories you've introduced.

Since this still feels like an extended introduction and I have no idea what will happen next, I can't offer much in the way of critique, since mostly what I'm thinking about as I read it is just wondering what will happen, how the looming war (I assume) will bring together these three groups of people, and how the various characters will interact :P Nothing stands out as glaringly wrong and I found very few typos, so nicely done. I look forward to reading more of this! And once again, my apologies on the huge delay in reviewing!

Author's Response: No worries about the delay! And thank you for the thorough review!! :) Reviews like this are always the most helpful. Thanks again!

emma


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Review #25, by Chazzie The Eight Families

10th July 2014:
That was great! You are doing really well with this so far, and I can't wait to see where you take it. The plot is really original, so I'm looking forward to reading more. So far we have heard about four different Wizarding Schools, and it's really interesting to read about the traditions, celebrations, and culture that each one has. In particular I liked Charlie as a character (although I may be biase from my name) as she seems pretty headstrong from what you've shown of her so far. A good ally, but not someone to cross. I've never thought about wands being made of metal before, it's an interesting concept. Would they still have animal cores, or something else given the 'man made' nature of the steel and aluminium?
Lottie (Chazzie)

House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: aw, thank you so much! i'm so glad you liked it. i imagine that the metal wands might still have animal cores, among other things, but definitely still made of things with magical, natural origins. :) to me, the core is what gives it the power, and the wand casing just kind of focuses it :)
thanks for the review!
emma


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