30 Reviews Found

Review #1, by mymischiefmanaged Fury

15th September 2014:
Final chapter. I feel pretty similarly about this one to the way I felt about chapter three. It's brilliant writing, and so worth reading, but at the same time it can't exactly be described as 'enjoyable'. I'm hugely impressed that you've tackled such a difficult subject and have pulled it off so well.

Okay, first of all, I really liked your ideas about the wards of the house. The idea that a house with such old magic embedded in it could manipulate the wards as people attempt to take them down is extremely original as well as being very believable. It's exactly the kind of thing you'd imagine Lucius Malfoy taking for granted. And then the realisation that the way to get through the wards is to take them down from the inside is a fantastic one. It's very reminiscent of Voldemort's weaknesses in underestimating people unlike him (house elves, children's stories, muggles etc). The ancient pure bloods had enough arrogance to think nobody would get through their boundaries, and that arrogance weakens their defences.

Again, I think the most impressive thing about this chapter is how impressively in character with canon your characters are. Neville being a bit rash in his rush to prove himself, and Harry refusing to recognise he's too weak for the job really stood out as being very in line with canon, as did Ron's fantastic line 'Bloke chops the head of a great, bleeding snake and now he thinks he's Godric b* Gryffindor'. It's just such impressive characterisation.

I loved that Harry recognised when Ron was actually Jugson in disguise. It says something great about how strong his friendship with Ron is, and ties in nicely with their being able to duel together.

And then Harry's fury at the end followed by his extreme guilt. I can't even find the words to explain how powerful that whole section is. You handle Ginny's character perfectly as well. You make their relationship very real, and keep Ginny as her own person rather than making her suddenly only exist for Harry. It's lovely that Harry can admit that he's scared himself to Ginny.

Wow. This whole story. Just wow. I'm so glad to have had the chance to read it. I'm feeling very lucky to have been paired with you for the September swap :)

Let me know if you'd ever like to swap for any of your other stories. I'd love to if you're interested.

Brilliant writing!

Emma x

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Review #2, by mymischiefmanaged Outrage

15th September 2014:
Ahhh.what to say about this chapter. I want to say I enjoyed reading it but that's (obviously) not really the right word. It's really, truly horrible. But for the purposes of this story, it's absolutely wonderful.

Starting with Justin's POV was an interesting choice, and definitely a decision that worked well for the chapter. I really like the way you've written him. It's nice that he can keep up with Ron and Harry and banters with them. The fact that they're such good friends with each other doesn't mean that Justin's left out, and that says something good about all three of them.

And then your exploration of what it's like for Justin to be muggle born is brilliantly handled. It's interesting and very believable that people like the Healer would be more willing to help Justin out because he's a muggle born. After all the suffering everybody had to go through during the war it must be easy to blame other people to some extent, or at least have a 'well you don't understand what other people have gone through' attitude. Justin's being muggle born makes it hard for the Healer to treat him like this. He's a great auror and a great character, and you've developed him very well from what we see of him in the books (as you did with Susan last chapter).

Harry is beautifully in character in this chapter. I just seconded your Dobby nomination for best canon character, and this chapter has totally confirmed that I made the right choice. Of course Harry wouldn't accept that he was too injured to continue with the case. Of course he'd priorities saving more people over getting better himself. You write him wonderfully, and it's even more effective for the reactions of his friends. The fact Ron and Justin know they won't really be able to persuade Harry to go back to bed shows how fundamental this aspect of his character is.

The Healer's argument that auror investigations conflict with the wellbeing of individuals is unsettling because it's true. Harry's taking a very utilitarian stance to his investigation, and is definitely not really thinking about Teresa's well being when he makes his decisions. It's awful but maybe it's a necessary evil in war time (and the time after war). Either way, it's a fascinating observation.

You've dealt with some really difficult topics through Teresa, and it's upsetting to read but I think important as a demonstration of the evil that people inflict. That image of the dog in the children's room is suddenly so much more horrifying. I can't quite get it out of my head. And Teresa's devastation and fear is very real.

Finally, Justin's sudden breakdown of control is moving. In a lot of ways he's been the strongest of the aurors in this chapter, so seeing him lose control and properly get angry and emotional is a very meaningful development in his character. It shows that even for death eaters, there are lines, and Jugson here has crossed one.

This is a brilliant but horribly unnerving chapter, and I'm a little scared to read your next one but also can't wait. I'm so impressed by this story.

Emma x

Author's Response: Hi, Emma!

This was one of those chapters that was hard to feel good about enjoying. So many terrible things are either revealed or confirmed in this one. Death Eaters were, for the most part, terrible people.

Originally, I had Ron penciled in as the PoV for this chapter, but then he worked so well for chapter 2. Looking at who was left, I thought using Justin gave the best perspective because he's muggle-born. Even though he''ll never be as close to Ron or Harry as they are to each other, he's an important part of the team. He has important roles to play, whether it's balancing out Ron's cluelessness toward the non-magical world or helping the nurse to understand what they're really trying to accomplish.

I'm really glad that you found Harry seeming natural and in character. He's never been one to quit when there's a job to be done and he has no problems putting himself at risk. Ron and Justin do what they can to reason with Harry, but there's only so much they can do.

The old nurse comes by her distaste for Aurors honestly. She's seen too many of her patients suffer needlessly because of ambitious Aurors trying to pursue their cases at all costs. Harry is partly guilty of this, but he really doesn't care at all about his own career or reputation. He wants Jugson in prison, no matter what it takes.

I didn't think I'd be doing the reader any favors to sugar-coat things when Donny's fate is revealed. What happened to Donny and Teresa was horrible. The best way to deal with it, in my opinion, was the show the horror that Justin feels when he realizes what's happened, and the coping mechanisms his mind uses to avoid dealing with it for as long as possible. Justin asks the nurse to take away Teresa's memories because he can't imagine living with that grief. But to take away Teresa's grief would be to take Donny away from her completely, and that's something the nurse isn't willing to do. You're right that Jugson crossed a line, and now everyone is determined to see him pay.

One more chapter to go! I'm so excited to see what you think of the last one. Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #3, by mymischiefmanaged Wrath

14th September 2014:
Hello! Back again for the next chapter.

This chapter has a very different tone to the first, and I think the change is welcome. You make good use of canon characters, keeping everyone completely in character, and it's nice to have a bit of sanity after Chapter One.

I absolutely loved your characterisation of Susan Bones. She's somebody we get very little characterisation of in canon so it's always interesting to see how people portray her. I really enjoyed Ron being scared of her, and her down to earth attitude. Also I'm glad you had her drawing attention to the fact that she was assaulted, and that's not funny at all. The idea of an auror taking polyjuice potion to face a death eater, and then to be treated the way Susan was is horrible, but a very good insight into how desperate the situation was. Overall, fantastic job with Susan.

Dawlish being scared of Neville's gran is a wonderful touch, and adds just the right amount of humour.

Harry and Ron's working together is extremely well written and very convincing. It makes sense that they'd have established a rhythm when fighting together, and it shows how much they've matured in the time since Voldemort's defeat. (They didn't have this level of coherence with each other in Deathly Hallows).

That whole image of the child's room is haunting. It's another example of just how devastating the death eaters can be, which you're very good at showing.

The whole use of the house elf was brilliantly thought through. It's good to see the other side recognising the magic house elves possess (well, not exactly good, but very believable). Was Bizzy the informant? If so, that's very clever. It shows the ingrained prejudice in society. She literally came into the Ministry to speak to Harry and it still didn't occur to anyone that it could be her.

This is another fantastic chapter, and is so well written. Well done for writing something so moving!

Emma x

Author's Response: Hello, again!

I was kind of worried whether chapter 2 was too much of a change of pace after the first one, but people seem to like it. It would have been hard to keep up the intensity of chapter 1 throughout the entire story.

Susan has become one of my favorite minor canon characters to write. To me, she's taken on so much of her aunt's characterization. She's tough and fair-minded, with a sharp sense of humor and a big heart. She's not afraid to put herself in harm's way to apprehend a Death Eater, but she's also not afraid to call Ron out on being insensitive.

I came up with the idea of scaring Dawlish off with a mention of Neville's gran while I was editing. Gotta say, I'm really proud of that one. :)

I think of Ron and Harry as being in the prime of life and the prime of their friendship at this point. They work together in a dangerous, high-stress job and they aren't married with children yet. Over time, other things will pull at their time and attention, but right now they depend on one another to stay alive.

The child's room was part of how I tried to make this case very personal for Harry. It obviously reminds him of the destroyed nursery in Godric's Hollow.

Poor Bizzy. Everyone underestimates her until the end. Bizzy was the informant and you're right about how people look at her. Even Harry's own team couldn't see it until it was too late.

I'm really pleased that you're enjoying it! Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #4, by mymischiefmanaged Malice

12th September 2014:
Hello! I'm here for the first part of our September swap :)

This story's been on my reading list for absolutely ages but I've somehow not read it until now, so I'm really happy to be swapping with you.

Wow. This chapter was intense and incredibly well written. Kaspar's a real piece of work, but I like how you've shown him no mercy in your portrayal of him. He's very believable as a death eater, and you've clearly put a lot of thought into your development of his character.

There's so much to this chapter, and all of it works so well. You add these chilling details, like the muggles dead in the cellar, that show just how evil Kaspar is. And then his treatment of Mary! It's repulsive but I'm glad you made him so awful. It's really important to show how evil these people are.

I really thought he was going to manage to hold off the aurors and make his portkey. That twist with Mary attacking him was a brilliant one. I wondered when she first came in whether she might end up fighting him, but then accepted Kaspar's conviction that she was just a muggle and his curse was fully successful. Her turn on him was a brilliant moment, especially after what he tried to do to her.

So is Mary an undercover auror? or is she actually just a muggle who fights back when the curse lifts? I'm guessing she's with the aurors but suddenly wasn't sure when she only used muggle methods of fighting. Either way, she's a brilliant character.

I'll definitely be coming back to continue the swap for the next three chapters if you're keen to. This was a great read.

Emma xx

Author's Response: Hi, Emma! Sorry for taking so long to respond. My HPFF time has been short lately.

Kaspar doesn't deserve any mercy in his portrayal. The guy is a violent, bigoted sociopath with no redeeming qualities that I can think of. Part of the point of the story is that even though Voldemort is dead, there are still witches and wizards like Kaspar on the loose.

I felt like I had to go heavy on the details for this chapter because the action is bunched up at the very end. I didn't think it was enough to *say* how awful Kaspar is, I wanted to *show* it through his actions and thoughts.

Kaspar was pretty sure he was going to be able to hold them off, too. He only made one mistake, the one you pointed out. Because he considers muggles to be little more than animals, it never crosses his mind that Mary might be able to break free of his control. You'll find out who Mary is in the next chapter. I promise you won't be disappointed.

I'm really pleased that you enjoyed this! Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #5, by Roisin Fury

7th September 2014:
Hello!

So I read this roughly forever ago, but didn't have a chance to leave a proper review (HOSTING CHALLENGEZ)

Oh man oh man oh man, this was such an intense chapter! You have a really great knack for action scenes, I have to say! It's really enriched by all of the creative details, too! The cloak becoming stronger for Harry, that Pureblood mansions would be warded against the outside, but vulnerable from within, JUGSON TAKING BATHS.

You also do a great job with PTSD. It was handled differently here than it was in Detox, and both methods were really effective. I love that the sequences of Jugson being brutal so seamlessly transitioned into Harry's own memories. It was a smooth and surprising transition every time, so I didn't know where I was when it happened, but then the scenes you chose were so memorable that I always found my bearings. It was a great idea for a device, and you carried it off perfectly.

And haha, I was totally screaming "JUST USE EXPELLIARMUS! YOU'RE HARRY FRIKKEN POTTER!" during the showdown with Jugson, and I'm SO glad you mentioned that in the hospital scene. The way Harry reacted to his own behavior was really in character, and totally justified how you wrote him before. Definitely a surprising way for Harry to act, but I think you gave enough information about what got him into that mindset, and then gave him appropriate remorse.

I often find Harry OOC in fics, because he's probably the trickiest of all to get right, but you do just a stellar job with him (very excited to get started on CoB soon!) Throughout this story I thought you had him really on point, and so even when his actions are different from canon, his thought processes were recognizable ("Neville followed me into this! Must. Sacrifice. Self.") And hey, he is the kid who terrorized Dudley with threats of magic out of vengeance, and attacked Draco with Sectumsempra (and then felt super bad about it). Plus didn't he punch some dudes out after a Quidditch match in OotP? Anyway, latent aggression/the possibility of taking things too far is *there.* You managed to grow that up really well here!

Okay, so hurry up with the next installment!

Author's Response: Roisin! Nice to see you again!

Ha! Yes, Jugson takes baths. I bet he had a rubber duckie, back before the first war and his stint in Azkaban. If only the Ministry could have found his rubber duckie and returned it to him, he might not have turned back to evil. OK, that was silly, but I enjoyed it.

Harry carries around a lot of emotional baggage from all of the things he had to survive during his childhood. I saw a lot of parallels to the horrific mistreatment suffered by Teresa and Donny, and I wanted to use that to make things that much more personal for Harry. I'm really glad that you liked the way those transitions played. I was really worried about that.

For the record, I don't think Harry would have had much luck disarming Jugson, but it's definitely a big part of his arsenal. Harry lets his temper get the best of him. Jugson presses all of his buttons, trying to find a weakness, and instead he unleashes Harry's pent-up fury on himself. But Harry is Harry, so he couldn't help but feel terrible about what he did. As Dumbledore knew all along, that's one of the big things that separates Harry from Voldemort.

Harry is incredibly tricky to get right. He's very selfless, but also snippy and petulant in a way. He doesn't like authority, yet he constantly sacrifices himself for the common good. He's a very odd duck. I'm thrilled that you felt like his character was on point. That's always my paramount concern when I write him. I agree, the possibility of Harry losing his temper is always there, simmering just below the surface. That tension between the two sides of his personality is what makes him such an interesting character to me.

I'm not sure what I'll do for the next installment. Fair warning: this "series" was never meant to be sequential. I might hop around all over the timeline. I have some interesting ideas that go back to their Auror training. We shall see...

Thanks so much for the awesome review!


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Review #6, by teh tarik Fury

6th September 2014:
Hey Dan!!

I've seized the moment to catch up with the last part of your fantastic fic. First, I must say that Jugson is officially my most hated character in the entirety of HPFF, possibly in all the fanfic that I've ever read. What an absolute monster. It's bad enough that we found out what he did to poor Teresa and Donny in the last chapter, but now, seeing Teresa's memories of her whole traumatic ordeal was just horrifying. I don't think I ever flinched this much reading fic. I thought you did a brilliant job interspersing those recollections with the main narrative, by the way. Especially with how Teresa's memories suddenly transition into Harry's own memories, or his own imaginings of his past and Hermione being tortured by Bellatrix etc. It's easy to see how full of rage and determination Harry is; the whole thing really is personal for him. I really like how you've shown that Harry's awful past is inextricable from the work he's doing now, to the point of incapacitating his rational thinking. It's a good job he's got the others backing him up and being so absolutely loyal to him.

The way you evoked the pureblood mansion was fantastic. The whole house seemed alive and malevolent, with the attacking furniture and the false doors and stairs, and how the house actively fights against the Aurors' magic. The house itself is like a second, lesser enemy, which Harry and co. must fight in order to get to Jugson. And another thing that I really loved was your idea about the Cloak's abilities becoming even greater for Harry, providing him with a greater degree of protection, ever since he became the master of the Deathly Hallows. I wonder what the Wand and the Stone would be like now...but of course Harry will hardly care to find out.

Anyway, the final scene between Harry and Jugson was so exciting and goodness, everything was so fast-paced and breathless. Jugson disguising himself with an illusion of Ron caught me by surprise, but Harry dealt with that in a brilliant way. And, I guess Jugson got his comeuppance, sort of, getting boiled in a sphere of bathwater. You're incredibly creative coming up with all these diverse hexes and spells and jinxes; it's great seeing what you do with Rowling's canon magic, and how much you add to this.

I just loved Harry in this. And the last scene with Ginny was a fitting conclusion for the whole fic. HArry probably needs some time off. But I'm guessing not for very long, because this is just the first instalment of your series?

This is an absolutely brilliant fic, Dan! And this chapter was wonderfully tense with a firecracker of an ending. I've enjoyed following this fic, and if you're planning on writing more of this series, well I'll be waiting! Amazing work. ♥

-teh

Author's Response: Hi, teh!

Sometimes I'm worried that I've gotten myself into a pickle when it comes to villains. Lady Tenabra was a cold, calculating, ruthless sort of villain and Jeremy Gamp was a homicidal lunatic. Now we have Jugson, who's pretty much a monster. Where do I go from here? Maybe my next villain will develop a Cruciatus Death Ray that's powered by baby kittens...

I thought it was really interesting that you interpreted portions of Harry's "visions" as Teresa's memories. Honestly, I didn't think too much about how they should be interpreted. I just thought they made a good backdrop for the rest of the story. You could also consider them Harry's thoughts on how Jugson found Teresa and how the horrors of her captivity played out. The essential part is what you touched on: each of them ties neatly into a situation from Harry's own past.

The descriptions of the pureblood mansion weren't actually planned. That sort of happened as I was writing, but I felt really pleased with it when I was done. I hope that it created a scene of a very old, creepy haunted house, where everything you touch is potentially dangerous.

I also fell in love with the idea that the cloak would have changed after Harry became -- however briefly -- Master of Death. I never really liked the idea that you had this incredibly powerful magical object, yet something as mundane as Moody's magical eye could see through it. Or detect it somehow. Whatever the mechanism, that struck me as being rather weak compared to the amazing legacy of the cloak. So whether you want to interpret it as the cloak performing better for its true master or the cloak performing better because Harry himself was more powerful, I just thought it was fitting to eliminate those weaknesses.

I'm glad the pacing of the final confrontation worked for you. I was worried it was a little too fast. Jugson maybe could have gotten away with his ruse if he knew the difference between Ron and Justin, but he didn't. He chose incorrectly and Harry realized it was him. The sphere of bathwater was inspired by the spells Dumbledore tries to use against Voldemort in the movie version of Order of the Phoenix. I also liked the way that Harry uses water after Jugson uses fire against Susan.

Harry definitely needed some time for introspection after this story. I'm not sure where this particular plot arc will go. I wasn't planning Tales of the Death Hunters as a sequential series. I might hop around in the timeline. We'll see...

I'm really, really pleased that you liked it! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #7, by Gabriella Hunter Fury

5th September 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums with your review! I'm sorry that its taken me so long to get back to you but I was really sick these past two days with some awful virus type Resident Evil thing but here I am! :D

Okay, I absolutely adored this chapter. I think that everything about this is just perfect, I'm pretty sure that you weren't expecting a gushy review but that is what you're going to get my friend.

I wasn't sure where this chapter would take us but I was hooked from the very first sentence. I really love the alternating POVs you did here with Harry and Jugson, I think that it was a good parallel that you showed two men who were angry for completely different reasons. Jugson was sadistic and cunning while Harry was experiencing the pain of the victims and a sense of helplessness that I found very touching, I know that its one of the things that you were worried about. I don't think Harry came off as a too much of the "hero" in this because his actions were justified to some extent--I think that Harry has anger issues that go far beyond what we see here and I remember in the HP books that his temper was always something that he never really got control over. I did like that Ron and Justin tried to talk some sense into him but Harry was too far gone and for a moment I was really worried about what he was going to do.


The final confrontation with Jugson just had me at the edge of my seat! I wasn't sure if it was just because of the flashbacks and the alternating POVs but I was so anxious for this battle to come to an end--I felt everything that Harry did and you wrote those scenes with your usual excellence. There's just something about an action scene that gets me hyped and I was terrified for all of the characters, especially when poor Neville was being tortured. I was certain that you were going to kill someone off! That didn't happen, however but Harry nearly let his rage get the best of him and I'm SO glad that you weren't afraid to write that, I've seen a lot of stories that portray Harry as some sort of god and its good to see him dealing with his flaws and actually falling into temptation. I know that he didn't kill Jugson and was close to it so I'm wondering how he'll deal with that trauma in your next story. I am curious about the references to Voldemort however and I know that you're leading up to something there that will blow my mind. I can hardly wait!

So, all in all this was pretty fantastic. Thanks so much for the requests and if you ever need to stop by again, I am more than happy to gush over your writing!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi, Gabbie! Please don't apologize for taking whatever time you need to get around to reviewing stories. You and others with review threads do an amazing service for this community. I don't think you should ever have to feel sorry, especially if you're not feeling well.

Anyway, on to the meat of the review. I tried to show a lot of different ways that anger manifests itself in this story, both the causes and the outcomes. It's a tricky emotion, one that can take very heroic characters like Harry and cast them in a completely different light. I'm glad you saw the parallels to the struggles Harry had with controlling his temper throughout the books.

I'm pleased as can be that the final confrontation had that kind of tension for you. I was a little worried that the outcome was too obvious. Granted, there was no way Harry was going to end up dead, but I did want to make it seem that there was a chance of Jugson escaping until the very end. I wanted to show Harry in a situation where his anger makes him powerful -- to paraphrase the Emperor -- and force him to try to contain that anger. In this situation, I think you'd have to give him low marks on that account. He would have killed Jugson if Terry hadn't stopped him. That is something that Harry will have to come to terms with, although I'm not sure when that will happen.

I'm really, really happy that you liked it so much. I've enjoyed reading all of your reviews as I made my way through this story and I appreciate them all so much! Thank you!


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Review #8, by MissMdsty Malice

1st September 2014:
Dan!

I haven't been online in forever but seeing as tonight sleep wouldn't come without fanfiction I had to check out your AP as well.

And I was so excited to see you had a new (chaptered!) story, so of course I dove right in!

This was intense and really dark. I loved it!

One of the things I was most excited about was how it was written from an OC's POV (great job on the German inspired names, that was a nice touch). This character made no apologies and as always, you did a wonderful job of taking us for a stroll in the mind of the bad guys.

I think this really captured an aspect of the war that wasn't really developed in the books, the fact that while the trio searched for Horcruxes, a real, honest to God war was happening in Europe and that people in conflict are very ruthless and very cruel.

When he started interacting with Mary I got a huge shiver up my spine. The whole setting, the man who was getting ready to flee the scene, the woman walking inside the house where two bodies were already stashed in the basement, it felt like the start of a horror movie.

The fact that this character was given a canon background, as a Durmstrang alumni, makes it all round up very nice. I remember how Krum was saying at the wedding that some pupils of Durmstrang favored the Dark Arts.

And the Auror scene! That made my little "law" alter ego warm and fuzzy. I love a good hostage negotiation. And lastly, I just loved how Mary stood up for herself in the end and made sure he wouldn't get away with it. Lovely twist!

I haven't done this in forever and I'm probably rambling like a lunatic right now, so I'll just go read the next chapter now!

Ral

Author's Response: Ral! What a pleasure!

I felt like I was taking a gamble by writing the first chapter from the PoV of a completely unknown original character, but I'm pretty pleased with how it turned out. Kaspar is a nasty piece of work, a mean-spirited pureblood fanatic and a completely remorseless killer. You're absolutely right, there was a war going on around Harry during the horcrux hunt and it was touched on only in the barest sense in Deathly Hallows. Although I suppose DH would have had to be 3,000 pages long to give it even a halfway decent treatment. At any rate, that loss is the fan fiction writer's gain. We get to have fun exploring all of those unwritten events.

That's pretty much the reaction I was going for with the interaction between Kaspar and Mary. Just one more way to emphasize what a terrible human being Kaspar was. Of course, Mary had a few tricks of her own.

Wow, I didn't think very much about the hostage negotiation, honestly. I'm glad it was good. ;) The whole point, obviously, was to give Mary time to shake off the Imperius Curse. More on this topic in the next chapter.

Aww, you're not rambling! I really enjoyed this review. I love finding out which parts of a chapter make an impression on people.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #9, by Luke1813 Fury

1st September 2014:
I really enjoyed these four chapters. They are full of wonderfully suspenseful writing. As I read this story, I thought of two quotes: (1) "He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you." by Nietzsche. (2) "Wisdom and maturity: basing your decisions on rational, logical thought and not on whatever emotions you're feeling at the time." It was satisfying to see that Harry gained this insight at the end. I hope you continue to write "Death Hunter" tales. I look forward to reading how Harry and his team continue to learn and mature both as Aurors and as people.
Well done.

Author's Response: Hi, Luke!

I think both of those quotes are pretty appropriate to this story. Harry spent some serious time gazing into the abyss in this chapter and he wasn't so keen on what he found there. Thanks so much for taking the time to leave a review. I really appreciate it!

-Dan


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Review #10, by TheHeirOfSlytherin Fury

31st August 2014:
Dan! I am pushing through a migraine to read this, that's how nervously excited I am. I mean it, I'm so very nervous for the team going against Jugson. *hates him so much* But I have faith! :D

(And the knowledge that you won't let Harry die... then again, that could also be faith. ;))

Harry is so stubborn it's a little scary. I don't want him to get hurt and he's making it really hard to not want to swipe the back of his head when he's so determine to go against the bad guy. But it's also one of the reasons I love him, mostly when he does it so others don't have to. When vengeance is on his mind, I revert to swiping the back of his head.

The cloak! It got better! I never wondered about that, but it's a cool idea. And very useful for an Auror.

Duels and the house changing and the poor team injured and Neville being tortured and Harry's visions and memories and Jugson and... wow. That was seriously intense and awesome and... and... I just have a lot of feelings. I won't bore you with the long list, but rest assured there are a lot that all add up to me thinking this story was just fantastic to read and I loved it so much and I'm so excited for the next thing you write because everything just gets better and better and I CANT BELIEVE THIS IS OVER, WHAT WILL I DO WITH LIFE???

The end - Oh, Harry. But go Ginny for being so understanding and caring and listening to him talk.

Seriously! loved this!

Sam.

Author's Response: Sam! Always a pleasure! Sorry about your headache. I hope you felt better really soon!

I could never let Harry die. Well, not until the end of the epilogue of CoB, that is. And only then for a good reason.

You're not the only one who wants to slap Harry and tell him to stop being so obstinate. Ron definitely wouldn't mind a go at it, along with Justin and Susan. It's just the way he is. I tried hard to work in the theme of vengeance throughout the chapter, since it comes back to haunt him at the end.

I had this weird flash of head canon when I was writing chapter 2 that maybe the cloak would be even better now that Harry had mastered all three Hallows. Don't know where it came from, but I like it.

An awful lot happens after they enter the house, to the point where I worried that it was too busy. But I did like the intensity. I don't know quite how to respond to that synopsis of your feelings, so I'll just say thank you! It's awesome to have someone as talented and enthusiastic as yourself in my corner. I always appreciate all of your thoughts and feedback. Again, thanks! :)


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Review #11, by daliha Wrath

28th August 2014:
What a powerful chapter. I love the interaction between all of the characters, the way you include members of the D.A so flawlessly, and how you kept them all in character. I loved Susan so far she's my favorite character here.

Just when I thought they were about to go home there comes the new threat. Jugson is probably is as bad as Lord Voldemort, but I wonder if he is the Stranger or not? Are Harry's suspicions correct? All I know is by the end of this chapter I want him captured for what he did to Bizzy, and the muggle woman.

(I'm putting this stories into my favorites.)

Author's Response: Hi! Susan is one of my favorite canon characters to write. I've built up quite a lot of head canon around her.

Jugson is The Stranger. You're not the only one who wants him captured, as you'll see.

I'm really pleased that you like the story so much! Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #12, by daliha Malice

28th August 2014:
Wow! I loved the way you started this fan fiction, the way you describe his feelings as the clock tick down is amazing. I love the fight between Kaspar and Mary the way you describe I can see the actions before my own eyes. The descriptions were my favorite part of this first chapter. I can say I have noting to criticize, I 'm loving this story and will go on to the next chapter.

Author's Response: Hi! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Thanks for reading and reviewing.


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Review #13, by Gabriella Hunter Outrage

15th August 2014:
Hello!

Hey, there its Gabbie from the forums dumping this review on you and I'm sorry that it took a minute. I always tend to get to you guys after recovering from a cold or something, perhaps its some sort for Death Eater curse? Dun, dun, dun!

Anyhoo, on to this! So, I was really concerned about how Harry and the others would be holding up after that battle in the previous chapter. I think that switching POV from Ron to Justin was a smart move too, it gave me a chance to get to know his character better and I feel like someone who isn't as close to Harry would have more of an honest opinion on his actions. I enjoyed just how easy it was to slip into Justin's head too, it wasn't mashed or confusing for me and your flow was so good that it wasn't difficult to follow. Sometimes when people switch POV it feels like a completely different story but your tone stays the same and the looming threat never vanishes.

Harry seemed like quite the stubborn fellow in this, didn't he? I was really shocked that he was willing to forget about his injuries and keep fighting but then I had to remember who this was and thought it wasn't out of character at all. I would have thought he would pass out or something but mentioning how bad he looked and how his injuries were still giving him pain made him appear way more human.

Unlike Superman, who shrugs off his injuries, I like that Harry actually admits to having them and struggling to overcome every single one. I don't think he comes off as a little too perfect or anything but you've written him so well that I can understand his motives perfectly and his determination.

Now, that entire speech that Justin gave to the Healer was excellent. I had always wondered more about his backstory and what he might have been up to during the War and you wrote that very beautifully, I really loved how he explained HIS need to be an Auror, vs. what everyone else expected of him. There are apparently sacrifices being made on both sides and its something that I can sense that changed him completely.

The conversation with Teresa came off as a shock, not only because it was horrible, but its apparent that this Master of hers has thought of every angle. I think that's more frightening than what he might do, he already has a pretty decent idea of what might happen next and I'm not sure what that might mean for Harry and the others. I get kind of scared just thinking about it! Now, I wonder how and if Teresa will ever be able to have a normal life after this and that ending...my poor heart pretty much expired. I had a slight suspicion about what had happened to her son but then I couldn't quite believe that it was true and was very upset for her. I was sort of with Justin when he was saying that they should leave her angry to face Jugson later but Harry, of course was right when he said that they would have to carry it with them.

Also, just a thing that I really liked: There are bits of humor in this chapter that ease up the angst a bit that I really enjoyed. The boys felt very fleshed out and while they were going to face off against something that would leave them scarred in some way (I particularly liked that each of them was affected by Teresa in their own way), there's still a smile being shed every now and then.

Now, I really liked this chapter and I don't see any CC's that are threatening to destroy it. I think that you've created a very intricate world and I'm really invested in all of your characters and I'm hoping that you finish up that fourth chapter soon so I'll be able to gush over it like a proper fan girl.

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi, Gabbie!

Harry and the team are bloodied and bruised, but they're all alive. I wasn't sure about using Justin's PoV in the beginning, but I really took a liking to him as I wrote this. He does bring a different perspective and we can see a little of the hero-worship of Harry that you don't get with Ron. At the same time, he's seeing some of Harry's flaws. I thought he was a good lens for this part of the story.

Harry is incredibly stubborn. You're absolutely correct: his injuries do slow him down a lot because he isn't super-human. But he's determined not to let Jugson get away.

I gleaned as much of Justin's back story as I could from public sources and then I sort of set about filling in the gaps. I wanted to make this very personal for him. I think it's clear why it's personal for Harry, but I wanted to show that the other members of the team also have a stake.

Between abuse and dark magic, Jugson more or less elevated himself to being a deity in Teresa's mind. She's sort of like a house elf with no magic by this point. That's part of why the nurse was so reluctant to let the Aurors speak with her. She has a long, difficult recovery in front of her. As far as her son goes, it was very sad, but I wanted to emphasize that Jugson is a monster. He feels no empathy at all for muggles, house elves or really anyone who's not a pureblood wizard fanatic.

I think it's important to slip a little levity into a chapter like this. Otherwise, it just becomes oppressive. It's especially true when you're dealing with young people. In my experience, people this age tend to respond to stress by doing whatever they can to lighten the mood.

I'm working on the final chapter. It's taking so much longer than I thought. The last one is from Harry's PoV and it's really tricky to get his mental state right. I hope you like it when it's done.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #14, by Gabriella Hunter Wrath

11th August 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums dumping this review on you and I'm here a lot earlier than usual, I think. I'm not sick for once and not at all busy with boring real life issues so hurray!

On to this! Now, I think that its a very interesting way to start this chapter off from how the first one began. It gave me a moment to calm myself down and I also love that there was a bit of humor thrown in as well, there's nothing better than angst/humor in my opinion. The way that the beginning scene is set up is very nice, I'm able to get into Ron's head without difficulty and the supporting characters were balanced and fleshed out well. I didn't get the sense that they were just hovering in the room, they felt as if they were really there, which is also very important for having a lot of characters in the same scene. I tend to have scenes like that winding up a bit wonky I guess but you've done a brilliant job and thank goodness you're doing this from Ron's POV. I've read so many stories that feature Harry and its a bit tiring, yes, I love him too but its great being able to see Ron as a hero in this. You've given him some great canon traits as well, I had to laugh at the whole conversation with Susan even though it was sort of horrible. Hahahaha. Ron really hasn't matured completely, I'm guessing and I also like that you have Justin in this as well, I'm usually not seeing him as an Auror. And of course Neville is fantastic, I have no idea why I want to hug him so much after reading this, he seems awfully cuddly.

*Ahem*

I really loved Susan as well, I think she's a great female character. She's strong and confident and I totally was all for her standing up to Dawlish (Who is still afraid of Mrs. Longbottom, which was hilarious) and I wonder if you'll continue on with her character or not. It would be such a shame if you didn't! D':

Now, Harry was great. I have never written him before for fear that I'll ruin him for life but I think that you've really given him a lot of strength while also showing how uncomfortable he might still be with his position. His leadership skills are really thought out as well, he's not reckless and he makes sure that the team is semi-prepared instead of just tossing information at them and expecting them to be all right with it.

The secret informant had me puzzled for a minute too and towards the end, of course, I could understand why Harry kept it a secret.

BUT THE ACTION! HOLY CRAP! I was completely blown away by how genuine their formations were and as someone who is interested in going into law enforcement at some point, I think you did an excellent job. They felt like a real unit and god, let me tell you, that exploding bottle.my jaw hit the floor on that one. And Harry! What a bold move! Our bad guy got away though and as for him, I can't wait for more. He's arrogant and very self-assured of his own worth and I think that is going to come into play great in the future chapters.

ANyhoo, I obviously loved this chapter so I think that you have no reason to fear from me. I can understand why you were a tad worried though about the sudden POV and pace change but I think it worked very well and gave me a lot more detail about the villains, the Wizarding World and the characters themselves.

So, awesome job! :D

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi, Gabbie!

The pacing of this one was a change from the first, a chance for things to slow down and let the reader in on what was happening behind the scenes with "Mary Goldsmith" and the rest of the Aurors. I'm glad you settled easily into Ron's head, that's not a given. I tried to keep the characters busy in the scene so that nobody was "hovering", like you said. They're all doing their jobs and interacting with one another. Harry's PoV will come in the final chapter, which is by design. For the middle two chapters, you're seeing him through other characters' eyes. You may squeeze and cuddle Neville if you wish, but watch out for Hannah. ;) Watch out for Susan, too, I guess. She and Hannah are tight.

Susan has always been one of my favorite characters to write, going back to Conspiracy of Blood. Strong, confident and infused with a bit of gallows humor now and then, she's just a great emotional rock for whatever group she's part of. Taking no guff from Dawlish was all in a day's work for her. I giggled myself silly imagining him cringing at the thought of Augusta Longbottom.

Wow, I feel like that is very strong praise from somebody with a military background and thoughts of entering law enforcement. At this point in their lives, the Death Hunters aren't senior aurors, but this isn't their first rodeo, either. They've worked together enough to have fallen into a rhythm.

You'll see more of Jugson in chapter 4. Your take on him is not at all inaccurate.

I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it, and much love right back to you!

Thanks for reading and reviewing!
-- Dan


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Review #15, by Gabriella Hunter Malice

4th August 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums attacking this story and leaving you a review! Its been a long time since we swapped stories and I've totally missed you! Real life has been a major pain so I haven't been able to get back to any of my favorites lately but I hope that will change in the next few days! D':

Well, I wasn't really sure what I was expecting when I started reading this but it was a really nice twist. After reading the summary, I expected this first chapter to be focused more on an Auror before introducing the villains later but you went in a completely different direction! First of all, I want to give you kudos for being brave enough to actually write from the POV of a Death Eater, its a fresh take on the War and I found myself engrossed in Kaspar from the first paragraph.

Kaspar of course isn't the sort of character that most would have created to start a story but this is very unique and I love how you didn't shy away from how awful he really was. I've read a few stories about Death Eaters who were simply "mislead" but I love that you never gave any sort of excuse for his behavior. Reading about such an awful character was really new for me and I really enjoyed it, I also loved the setting of this and how you managed to give away details about the Wizarding world without it slowing down the pace. Murder, rape and violence are talked about with fantastic skill and didn't feel forced, I wouldn't have been able to get through those paragraphs in one piece! I think that you've got a really great story here and I'm not even going to go on and on about how wonderful your writing is. You know this already, I hope!

Mary Goldsmith had me worried for a minute, I was certain that Kaspar was really going to defile her but was just as horrified when he was thinking of decapitating her. That sent a shiver down my spine but I think the action that you incorporated was very well done, the Aurors responses and timing couldn't have been more perfect. I was holding my breath while he parried with them and let me tell you, I was NOT expecting Mary to beat the crap out of him either! I thought that you wrote that wonderfully and I'm certain that Kaspar isn't the sort of man that likes being on the receiving end of pain.

Karma at its finest!

So I obviously really enjoyed this and I can understand why you were a bit unsure about it but I can assure you that its worth continuing. I saw that you had two more chapters and I'm hoping that you continue with this, I can't wait to find out what happens next.

The only CC I could spot was one misspelled word in the second chapter but other than that, it was excellent!

Thanks for the read!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi, Gabbie! It's been ages! Awesome to see you again!

Odd that you should say that, because I wasn't entirely sure what I was planning to do when I started writing it, either. It's more clear to me now, but the last chapter is definitely evolving as it's being written. I kind of like it when stories do that. The idea of dropping directly into the PoV of a fugitive Death Eater hit me while I was trying to line up the 4 PoVs for the story and not feeling especially satisfied with how it was working out.

Kaspar was a truly nasty piece of work, not "misled" at all. People tend to throw the term "casual sadism" around a lot in stories about Death Eaters. Kaspar's sadism is anything but casual. He glories in it. It's a huge part of who he is. I'm glad that all of the allusions to the awful things that took place during the war didn't slow the story down or feel out of place. I didn't see them as the type of thing that Kaspar would dwell on. It happened, it's in the past and his only regret is that the "fun" came to an end.

If you've read ahead to the next chapter -- and it sounds like you have -- then you already know who "Mary Goldsmith" is. If you haven't, I won't spoil it for you. The Aurors' timing was definitely not by accident. And Kaspar does not take pain as well as he dishes it out.

I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it, and I'll try to hunt down that misspelling. Thanks for pointing it out.

Thanks so much!

-Dan


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Review #16, by Cal585 Outrage

4th August 2014:
Hi, Sam assured me that this was a story worth reading and I must agree. Loving the story so far, it's fantastic! A bit darker than I'm used to from the Harry Potter universe but it's nice to have a change every now and again. And I've always been interested in the occasional auror story.

Think you've done a great job on making the characters older while staying true to their core values. Harry is really well written from an outside perspective! Don't really know what else to say except that I hope the dog is a red herring to throw them off the trail and was simply a dog (causing massive problems later when they try and interfere). But that's just wishful thinking. Anyway, I'll be following this with interest!

Author's Response: I'll have to be sure to thank Sam for the referral! This story is a bit dark compared to many you'll see, but I think it suits the subject matter.

I'm really glad you find the characters to be true to themselves. That was important to me.

The dog... um, I have some bad news for you. :(

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #17, by Roisin Outrage

2nd July 2014:
Aha, another great chapter. This story is moving really well.

I loved seeing Harry from other people's POV. You got him exactly right, and Justin's perspective on his behavior was really great.

Again, you managed to pull on-the-nose comedy into a serious situation (Ron's suit), and the way you weave past experiences into dialogue (Justin's family on the run) was masterful.

The melodrama I noted last chapter with Bizzy wasn't at all an issue here. As for the son's death, it was treated with a light hand, and that's precisely what it needed. I also like that you don't shy away from that kind of brutality--war is supposed to be terrible.

Your chapters continue to be really gripping, and easy to get sucked in to. I think the best storytelling is the kind where you don't even notice the writing, and see the story instead. You totally accomplished that.

I saw one or two little errors, nothing I can recall, but I'd recommend reading your chapters out loud to catch them.

And as a last note, you do a really wonderful job of letting these characters be very young. Brave, to be sure, but young.

This post-war story is so strong, I'm inclined to feel like it's a proper continuation on the Potter series.

My hat off to you!

Author's Response: Yes! Catching up!

I liked doing this chapter from Justin's point of view, even though it wasn't the original plan. He brings a lot to the table, I think: muggle-born, not part of the Trio and from a very different walk of life than Ron or Harry.

I'm really glad you thought I handled Donny's death well. I knew I couldn't overdo it, or nothing else in the chapter would make any impact. This story has been kind of a bloodbath so far, but that's what seems to happen when you write about Death Eaters.

I don't think I'd be doing anyone any favors -- the characters included -- if I made them grow up prematurely. That's not to say that they can't have flashes of it, but they're not 30 years old. They shouldn't behave like it.

Wow, that is very high praise, and I appreciate it! Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #18, by roisin Wrath

2nd July 2014:
This was such a great chapter!

I loved that it started lighter and more funny, after the last chapter was so dark. The transition through mystery and into action was top notch, and over all really engrossing.

And your characterization was so effortless and on point! Ron's POV was perfect, and I really liked seeing Susan be a bad@ss. The way the characters interacted with one another was all ace.

Plus all those little details--Ron being taller, so Harry casts the shield charm, and Ron hurls spells. I liked all those little moments like that, because it showed you really made this story your own, while maintaining Rowling's sensibilities.

There were a few little grammar problems--"send" instead of "sent," "dropping" instead of "dropped." Generally the kind that come out of rewriting (editing is like trying to behead a Hydra!)

Also, the very ending with Bizzy seemed a little rushed (because it was the end of the chapter, and the action was over, so that makes sense). As a result, it told rather than showed a bit, and that left you with some melodramatic language. I like what you were going for a LOT, but since we've already had Dobby, I think your story would benefit from a little distance.

Overall, this chapter is really really great (and Bizzy is an AWESOME elf name). Your balance of light and dark, comedy and action was excellent. And you did something really nice by capturing the youth of the DA-turned-aurors.

On to the next!

Author's Response: Hello, hello. Thanks to this House Cup event, I've fallen shamefully far behind on answering my reviews. Trying to catch up.

I'm glad you like the different "moods" of different parts of the story. I really don't like stories that are too monochromatic in terms of mood.

I'm glad you liked Ron's little mental tangents about strategy and tactics. I wasn't sure whether they added more than just length to the chapter.

Thanks for pointing out those typos. I'll patch those up.

I can definitely see how the ending came on a little fast. Dobby was definitely in the back of my mind, because I knew that both that and the demolished child's bedroom would really hit Harry hard. Point taken.

Thanks! Coming up with elf names is incredibly hard, isn't it? Mine always end up sound so cartoonish to me. I'm really glad that you enjoyed the chapter and sorry for taking so long to respond!


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Review #19, by teh tarik Outrage

29th June 2014:
Hey Dan!!

I'm back for Chapter 3. I saw you posted this earlier in the week, but I was all wrapped up in that HC writing frenzy. :P

Anyway, first, I thought it was a great choice to write through Justin's POV. I remember the previous chapter was seen mostly through Ron's eyes, and I think this POV-switching between chapters is really effective. It's always great to see Harry from someone else's perspective, and not to mention you're developing a whole bunch of minor characters as well, which is always something I enjoy reading. Also, it's great to see how each of these former DA members carry out their newer, more dangerous responsibilities.

I love how you start the chapter with all that friendly banter and light humour.

Susan had a concussion, second degree burns, lots of cuts from the flying glass and a broken collarbone from the Hogwarts Express over here landing on top of her.

There's nothing funny about a concussion and burns and all, but describing Ron as the 'Hogwarts Express' just made me choke up a little. I imagine it was both his thunderous snoring as well as his red Weasley hair that led Justin to make such a perfect comparison between the two?

And Harry is incredibly well-written here. Badly injured, and yet that means absolutely nothing to him. You've got a marvellous handle on his character, did I mention this earlier? He's selfless and utterly dedicated to his job of saving people (hah, the 'saving people thing' that Hermione was talking about!). To the point of being a bit obsessed, really. And I love how he stirs up all that ruckus with the Healers by refusing to comply with their orders and such. Harry never had much respect for authority and rules when it got in the way of his plans; hmmm, it's a graet thing that he's actually a pretty decent guy. Evil!Harry would be quite a formidable force, I must say.

The tough old nurse character was refreshing! I love how she dishes it straight to the guys, even though they're probably the real good ones this time. Aurors are usually such highly respected positions in the wizarding world, and to see differing opinions on them is always great. And I imagine being such highly-esteemed members of society, some of them (*cough Dawlish cough*) are bound to get a little full of themselves.

The scene with Teresa the Muggle was greatly disturbing. The way she spoke, referring to Jugson as Master...I'm not sure exactly what Jugson put her through, but it's kind of broken her. The way she speaks is almost like a house elf; it's very strange and very unsettling.

And FINALLY THAT MOMENT. The bit where Teresa reveals that Jugson turned her son into a dog. I was a bit disturbed at the dead dog in the previous chapter but I never, never thought it would actually have been a Transfigured human...a child, even. You know, you watch all the TV shows and everything, and they never ever kill the child, even for some pretty gory horror slasher thing. SOmehow, the children always escape. Not in this chapter. So I guess I got a huge shock at that. I must say, I kind of hate this Jugson bloke.

And you ended this chapter perfectly well with the final segment between Justin and Harry. I love their contrasting opinions, and how everything is shades of grey, the morality of certain actions. Harry's choice is pretty straightforward, pretty Harry-like, and that the truth is always the most important, and that people should not be kept in the dark, nor their rights to the truth denied. But Justin argues on more compassionate grounds, and it's pretty hard for the reader to even take a stance on this. I think this final bit increased the complexity of your fic by a great deal.

Excellent chapter, Dan! Incredibly disturbing, intense, and I hope you write more, soon!

-teh

Author's Response: Hi, there! Always a pleasure!

In my original plan, I was going to write this chapter from Ron's PoV, but then I used Ron for the last chapter. Justin seemed like a really interesting choice because he is a quiet guy, a muggle-born and he's not part of the Trio.

Poor Susan. You figure Ron has to be 8 inches taller and 40 or 50 pounds heavier. Not somebody you want to land on top of you. I think Justin's comparison was just based on the snoring, but now that you mention it...

Harry can't stop being Harry. He's determined to stop Jugson from hurting anyone else and he feels his chance slipping away. He's not a very good patient.

The nurse has seen it all in her time, and she has no patience for Ministry career-climbers who put their own selfish goals ahead of the welfare of her patients. She doesn't understand where Harry, Ron and Justin are coming from in the beginning, but she is willing to change her mind.

In every crime story, there has to be a victim. Teresa's encounter with Jugson has taken nearly everything from her and I thought Justin's reaction was pretty similar to what a lot of folks would feel. Like Harry and the old nurse point out, however, there are lots of valid reasons -- practical ones, philosophical ones, moral ones -- why it would be wrong to just take her past away and spare her the pain.

I'm glad that the disturbing aspects didn't disturb you too much. I think that stories about Death Eaters need to have that harsh edge to them, otherwise they're just not realistic.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #20, by TheHeirOfSlytherin Outrage

24th June 2014:
You killed me.

From the beginning, I think... First off, I love that this was in Justin's PoV. It feels like a fresh perspective on the case - he's a minor character, a Muggleborn, he sees things others may not have and can reveal things to the reader another couldn't. And he can see Harry for how he is instead of Harry telling us he's alright. I like Justin.

Harry is still just as stubborn as ever. This: When you were dealing with Harry Potter, it was often ironic what counted as your best hope. - if Harry had a poster that would be the slogan. Sometimes you really just need for things to not go right - the woman not being awake - to sit Harry down and make him wait. God love him, but he makes things difficult for himself. Thankfully, Ron and Justin are there to help. Mostly Justin, since Ron was hurt, too.

I kinda like the nurse, can see where she's coming from. I can imagine it being a horrible day when a victim comes in and all the Auror wants to do is catch the bad guy, not thinking of what the victim has actually gone through. But my favorite team are not like that!

That poor woman - Teresa. To have all those things happen to her and know what's doing it, to have to be charmed not to notice the missing hand, and then to find out about her son. Reading about a dead dog made me want to cry, now I know it's a little boy and... Dead. I'm dead inside.

I hate Jugson. He needs to die now. Horribly.

I am angry along with Harry and the others and I need more because this is awesome!

Sam.

P.S. I read your response to my last review and forgive the scarily high levels of excitement, but I think it's necessary - THERE'A A POST-COB SHORT STORY COLLECTION??? BEST NEWS EVER!!!

Author's Response: Oops, I killed Sam. :(

Sorry about that. This chapter had to have a lot of impact to pave the way for what comes next. That's about all I can say about that.

This chapter was originally going to be from Ron's PoV, but then I used Ron for the last chapter. I'm really glad you liked Justin because I liked him for most of the same reasons. You really never see anything from his PoV, and it's quite a unique one: an upper-class muggle-born Hufflepuff from a lace curtain home in the suburbs. That's how I imagine him, anyway.

Harry can be pretty single-minded. He's gotten over the guilt complex by this point in his life, but the way he keeps it at bay is by feeling that he needs to be fighting back against those forces of darkness *constantly*. He's definitely on a track toward burn-out, but don't worry. Ginny's working on it. ;)

The nurse comes by her opinion of Aurors quite honestly. Imagine the likes of Dawlish, waltzing into the hospital, dripping self-importance, demanding to speak to severely injured patients "by the authority of the Minister of Magic".

Teresa... yeah. I guess every good cops-and-robbers story needs a victim. She's a classic case of wrong place, wrong time.

I think we can all agree that Jugson needs to die a slow death. Will he? Tune in next time!

I've already got two short stories roughed out for the post-CoB short story collection. Tentative title: Blood Stains. Coming soon, I hope.

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! Oh, and sorry about killing you. ;)


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Review #21, by roisin Malice

23rd June 2014:
Teufelshunde! Devil dog! Love it.

What an incredibly tense and compelling start. This was fun, because we all know HP super well, yet you managed to lend mystery to the introduction. Your pacing and reveals were brilliant, and your command of dramatic irony was really fun. "An Auror and a pair of school children"--I took that pair to be Harry and another DA member.

Imperio never really got as much disturbing play as the other Unforgivable Curses in the books, but you make a really good case for it here. The sadism you described was really well-realized, and truly upsetting.

I felt like there was one too many spaces between paragraphs, but it was consistent, so it didn't distract.

Also, I really liked some of the more nuanced points about a post-war society; borders closing and all that.

I definitely cringed at the sexual asault moments, but I mean, one SHOULD cringe. I almost think that you could have gotten the nastiness of the character across with less, but I might just be being a pansy.

But, on a super positive note, no errors jumped out at me. The formatting was consistent, your tense stayed firmly in place, and either your grammar/spelling was perfect, or I was too taken up in the story to notice (so, good on you either way).

Also, I really enjoyed that you kept the minute countdown as a theme.

Great start!
-Roisin

("asault"--silly bot thought my correct spelling was naughty)

Author's Response: Hi, there!

I think you're the first person to get the meaning of Kaspar's last name. Definitely the first one to comment on it. Thanks for noticing!

This chapter was a bit of an experiment for me. I wanted to try dropping the reader into a situation where they would recognize nothing from the books and then gradually flesh out the date and the setting using Kaspar's thoughts. I didn't have anyone specific in mind for the Auror and pair of school children. Just one of the Aurors who arrives after Voldemort's death and two of the defenders of Hogwarts.

Not that I set out to upset anyone, but I'm glad you found Kaspar's casual sadism made an impact.

I got in the habit of throwing that extra blank line between my paragraphs because I find, at least for me, that spacing the page out a bit more makes a story easier for the eyes to follow.

Yeah, Kaspar does some pretty cringe-worth things in this. They don't quite come through to their most horrible conclusion, but only because the Aurors intervene.

I'm glad you didn't see any errors. I will be sure to send extra cupcakes to my beta reader!

I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it! Thanks for the very detailed and thoughtful review!


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Review #22, by TheHeirOfSlytherin Wrath

22nd June 2014:
Dan!

I love love LOVE the group. The way you write them, they work so well together and it's awesome. They're the ultimate crime fighting team! Things are weird when I don't see them together in other stories. :P

Susan is awesome. I'm sure I said that in Conspiracy of Blood, but I'm saying it again. She's awesome. And freaking scary sometimes. Ron is right to consider her the exception. I wouldn't want to cross her.

This informant. Is a she. I wonder who... *intrigued*

Ah, the action! I love the planning that goes into it, the things they do individually and as a group. That they can work so efficiently and quickly together, knowing what to do - because, yeah, actual planning doesn't really work with Harry Potter. :D

The doggy. ;(

:O It's a trap! Did the informant betray them??? Enquiring minds want to know! This is so amazing to read! When things go wrong, you know you're in for an awesome story!

Was the informant Bizzy? Oh no, poor Bizzy. ;(

I loved this so much, it was so awesome and amazing and great! I cannot wait for more!

Sam.

Author's Response: Hi, Sam!

I'm really glad you like the group because I've become very enamored with them as well. They've pretty much become my core head canon as to which D.A. members became Aurors in the immediate aftermath of the war. With the exception of Neville, that head canon carried right on through to CoB. ;)

Susan is my favorite. I cannot discuss this rationally because I like her that much. I'm hoping to do more fun things with her, both in my post-CoB short story collection and in this series.

I think working with Harry is all about "planning on the fly". Or as we liked to say at the startup company I used to work at: "putting the airplane together after you've already taken off." How do those things stay up? ;)

Harry's convinced that their informant didn't betray them, but you'll soon see. Your guess as to her identity is pretty good.

I'm very pleased that you liked it. The next chapter is at a relatively advanced stage of beta reading, so hopefully soon! Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #23, by lindslo2012 Wrath

16th June 2014:
Hi there!
Here for another requested review!
Wow, this was just an amazing chapter and so full of stuff that kept my eyes completely glued to the page. I felt like I was reading a chapter from JKR herself you write so dang well!
I liked the beginning a lot. That is so like Ron to joke like that in a serious situation even if it was a bit immature, it was quite hilarious. I thought it was pretty cool that all of the people from the DA are basically together again as being an Auror. it made me happy to see how well the department seems to be going with them as well.
When you started talking about the mission they were about to go on I was so into it with all the amazing detail that you put into the situation. I want to know more immediately and want to see what happens.
I think that my favorite part is when they went to the man's house and the house-elf made him dissapear and then she was free. Wow, how did your mind come up with such an interesting and awesome plot? I loved it and I hope that you have more chapters to come after this. Good job!!!
Until next time,
-Lindsey

Author's Response: Hi, Lindsey! Always a pleasure to hear from you!

I'm glad the chapter kept you engaged. This one started off a bit slow and then picked up sharply near the end. Wow, that's a very kind thing for you to say! I really appreciate it!

Immaturity, thy name is Ron. On a more serious note, I was trying not to lose sight of the fact that all of the former D.A. members are only 21 years old. Even if they have seen and survived a lot, I don't think they should act like they're already middle-aged.

The mission was classic Harry: find out that something needs to be done when it's almost too late and then improvise on the fly. I'm glad you liked the details. I tried hard to make sure I was describing everything adequately.

I wanted poor Bizzy to serve as a tragic reminder of how cruel and merciless Jugson can be. All he had to do was order the elf to stop helping Harry and she would have had no choice but to comply. Instead he mortally injured her and sent her back to the house in Sussex, assuming that the Ministry would find her body along with all the others. The irony of the way she found her "freedom" also made an impact, I hope.

I'm ever so pleased you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #24, by teh tarik Wrath

15th June 2014:
Hey Dan!

I'm back for the second chapter, so glad to see that this was updated so quickly!

So, I think you just upped the intensity of this fic by ten times. This was one riveting chapter, and just about everything kept making my jaw fall off. Susan Bones as Mary Goldsmith was awesome. I love what the ex-DA members have done now, how organised they are; they're part of the Ministry, but also somehow separate from it, mainly because the older, more senior Aurors don't seem to take to their presence well - probably resentful that they had to endure test after test in order to become trained Aurors, while this bunch of young 'uns simply join a club in school and now work the most challenging operations. Dawlish's anger really took me by surprise.

And it's great to see you preserve canon characterisations so well. Ron being his immature self, asking Susan insensitive questions, and giggling about the whole 'booby trap' thing - exactly the Ron that we all know. :)

The scene with the team at Jugson's house was amazingly well-written. Your action scenes, holy crap, they're so tensely written, and so methodical. I could really see them all taking over the Apparition point, arriving at Jugson's place and scoping the house, and setting up all their jinxes and taking out the wards...right until that horrific scene in the baby's room. Jugson was quite a terrifying figure, and he's much worse than Kaspar because he's actually cunning. The way he manipulated events, used his own house elf, and the way he ruthlessly used that Muggle woman. I have no idea what happened the baby...but somehow, when you wrote that Harry found things 'personal', I sort of thought that Jugson might have set up the whole scene to taunt Harry, specifically, given the latter's past.

Severing that woman's hand was completely unexpected. Harry didn't even hesitate in his decision; it's a lifesaver for everyone, but it's also a little chilling. I guess he would have been hardened by the whole wizarding war, and I see now why he's such an efficient leader, and why the group has so much success in their operations.

I'm also guessing that poor Bizzy is the informant. :(

I can't wait for the next chapter! I'm loving how this story's turning out, and I'm excited to read further.

-teh

Author's Response: teh! What up?

I can't imagine a story about Aurors not being intense. Sure, they probably do boring stuff like analyze crime scenes and fill out paperwork sometimes, but who wants to read about that? ;)

The former D.A. members took Kingsley up on his offer to joining the Auror Department without their N.E.W.T.s, but they quickly became disenchanted (no pun intended) with the lack of focus on capturing the fugitive Death Eaters and other war criminals. After a year or two of being stone-walled by the likes of Robards, Dawlish and Cornfoot, they went to Kingsley with a plan to take matters into their own hands. That's how I like to think of things, anyhow.

Ron can't stop being Ron, I'm afraid. There will always be a part of the boy who tried to discuss Uranus with Lavender in Divination.

I really appreciate all of the kind words about the scene in Jugson's hideout. It was a lot of fun to write, although it was a little challenging to find the right tone for it. I was waffling back and forth between having them rampage through the house, stunning everything they saw as opposed to trying to sneak up on Jugson. I think I ended up somewhere closer to the latter.

The scene in the child's room was very personal for Harry. I'm sure it reminded him a lot of the destroyed nursery in Godric's Hollow.

I don't know where I got the inspiration to have Harry cut the woman's hand off, but I kind of like the effect. Harry is older now than he was in the books, when he thought he could always protect everyone and keep them unharmed. He understands that when you're dealing with ruthless enemies, you have to make hard choices.

You'll find out for sure about poor Bizzy in the next chapter, but your insight is basically correct.

I'm working through the next chapter now. They get harder and harder to write, I'm afraid. Soon, I hope!

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #25, by lindslo2012 Malice

10th June 2014:
Hello there,
Here for your requested review!
I was hooked from the very beginning and felt a little bit of fear too while I read it. This Kaspar man is evil and deserves to be in prison with the rest of the Death Eaters. I felt bad for the poor girl who came with the clipboard... I mean gee, she really might have just wanted the owner of the house to answer a few questions. That is why I don't have a job like that- so I never run into a Death Eater at a random person's house. Joking of course but I thought it was kind of funny.
As usual, your chapter had a very clear plot and very good detail.
I always enjoy a story with alot of detail because I can always get more into it that way and I understand the story alot more than I would with less detail.
It was sick of him to make the poor girl do what she did but I am glad that in the end she got him back.
I am curious to see how the DA members (now Aurors) are up to in your story- so that means you have to come back and re-request! I think this story is going to be really good and I can't wait to read more. As usual, wonderful job!!!
Until next time,
-Lindsey

Author's Response: Hi, there!

So to be honest, I'm having this odd feeling of remorse where Kaspar is concerned. I really did put quite a bit of thought into him. I tweaked and rewrote parts of his inner monologue a few times to try to make him as amoral and menacing as possible. I'm quite happy with the outcome, but here's the thing: he's done. He spends the rest of the story in a Ministry holding cell. It feels like kind of a waste. Still, I'm glad he worked for you as an antagonist.

Details, details, details. I'm a huge believer that they go a long way toward selling a story by helping the reader immerse. Very glad you feel that way.

Oh, she gets him back with a vengeance. I think you'll enjoy the next chapter if that's what you want to see. In fact, I think I'll go re-request. :)

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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