Reading Reviews for Getting Out of the Cold
17 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Carolynn Chapter Four

22nd July 2014:
Yay! Update! And I should get an reward for being first reviewer for this chapter.

When I read about the boy with glasses, I thought of Harry, I wondered if you got any inspiration from his appearance. I became interested in him, but that interest was extinguish when I learned he was a swear word.

I was really happy when Neville appeared, I really enjoyed him, not just because I thought his mishaps were funny. I thought you wrote him well, you stuck to his character, which deserves praise because not many do that.

Something else that deserves praising is the fact that you created a Sorting Hat Song,it is really impressive because fan fic writers are probably the most laziest of writers. (I can't deny it)

I'm really interested in Professor Richardson,and King is adorable, he reminds me of a cat I had. I'm looking forward to your next update!

Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing!
I'm glad that you think I stuck to Neville's character well. I tried to do that.
I tried pretty hard with the Sorting Hat song. I wasn't to impressed with the final result, but I never found myself much of a poet anyway.
Thank you for reading and reviewing!

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Review #2, by crestwood Chapter Three

12th July 2014:
I didn't realize what era this story took place in until this chapter. I'm excited that you've introduced the Next-Gen characters since they are my absolute favorites. I do also enjoy the presence of your OC Malcolm, as he seems like a good tool for comedic relief, being so outspoken. I'm glad Amelia likes her kitten and isn't so against living creatures anymore because I feared she'd be quite lonely at Hogwarts. Your characterization is solid; we get the same Amelia from chapter to chapter and the new characters introduced in this one all have their defining features firmly in place. Your writing seems to be improving with each chapter as well, I can't wait to see how you move forward. Thank you for your request and make sure to come back and re-request when you've uploaded more!

Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing!
It's good to hear you're a Next Generation fan. I am too, and that's why I decided to write in the era.
It's also nice to know that you think I'm improving with every chapter. I'm trying to practice my writing with this story, so I'm glad you feel that I'm getting better.
Thank you for reading and reviewing!

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Review #3, by crestwood Chapter Two

12th July 2014:
I do really love Amelia. She's quite the extreme bookworm, I think largely in response to how her parents treat her and her siblings. This chapter humanized Mr. and Mrs. Blake a bit. They still seem very cold, but they at least seem to be capable enough parents. Georgina and Amelia's relationship is nicely done and their obsession with the psychology of magical creatures and wands, respectively, is so funny. Amelia seems extremely smart for her age, which is obviously because she finds recluse in books and knowledge. It's strange that their parents want them to become Animagi...I wonder if they'll try and get registered or not, and why they're supposed to in the first place. This is starting to shape into a very good read!

Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing!
I'm glad you like Amelia. I feel it's important to have likeable protagonists.
I'm also happy that you like how Amelia's relationship with Georgina is done. I plan on making it a big part of my story.
Thank you for reading and reviewing!

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Review #4, by crestwood Chapter One

12th July 2014:
Hey, crestwood from the forums here with your requested review!

I liked how you wrote Amelia and her brothers, although we see only a bit of them. I'm glad they haven't ended up as uncaring as their parents, despite their wishes.

I wonder why her parents are so cold towards their children and so dead set against them ending up in Slytherin. They are very well written, you really get a sense of their unsympathetic natures even this early on, so good job with that.

The description was pretty good in my opinion, as you did a bit of explaining the way Amelia felt about her parents and why and then showed us via their body language and words exactly how justified she is in feeling that way. I thought it was a nice balance so that you could avoid just telling us all about them for the entire chapter. This is a great start!

Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing!
I'm glad you could sense Mr. and Mrs. Blake's natures early on in the story. I was trying to make it so readers could do that, so it's good that you could.
I'm also glad you noticed that I used Mr. and Mrs. Blake's body language to show why Amelia feels the way she does about them. In real life people use so much body language as they express themselves, so I feel characters should use it to.
Thank you for reading and reviewing!

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Review #5, by The_Crookshanks_Saga Chapter Three

12th July 2014:
Hi, it's the The_Crookshanks_Saga, here with your requested review!

I won't lie- this story didn't interest me that much. I only continued reading for the sake of the review. Though it had quite a bit to do with the plot, as it didn't interest me much (personal opinion here), I think you need less fancy words, more inflection, and a bit of humor to make me love this, though, because your writing style is pretty amazing. Also, though I understand Amelia is very well-read and quite the genius, let's face it, no one talks or thinks like that.

On the plus side, as I said before, your writing style is incredible. It's deep and thought-provoking. My only advice is to not overdo it with all the gigantic vocabulary and strict cause->effect thing you have going on.

I hope you take my advice in the best way possible, so.. Until next time!


Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing!
I appreciate you reading and sticking to my story with the lack of interest you had in it, and I'll try to take your advice and not overdo my writing in the future.
Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Review #6, by lindslo2012 Chapter Three

3rd July 2014:
Hey, here for your requested review! :)
This was a really good chapter and it was filled with a lot of information and a lot of introductions- which made me excited!
I was pretty excited about seeing the next generation kids being brought into the story, yay!!!
I feel really bad for Amelia when they get to the platform because the way their parents are. I mean, they are so against their kids being in Slytherin but they act like they should be in Slytherin themselves with how they treat their kids. It's pretty sad that Amelia has to imagine that her parents kissed them on their cheeks. :/ I know that she will find love and friendship at Hogwarts and I am happy to see that some of the Potter/Weasley kids are taking her in under their wing. I wish I had an awesome family like that! :) Anyways, good job once again and I hope that you come back and re-request!!! I am ready to see when she gets sorted!
Until next time,

Author's Response: Thank you for your review!
I'm happy to see you are excited about me bringing the next generation kids into my story, and I'm excited to write about them. I've always been really interested in them.
I agree with you that the Potter's and the Weasley's are great families. I would like to have more people like them in my life to. Oh well- I guess we'll just have to settle for reading and writing about them:)
Thank you for reading and reviewing!

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Review #7, by ohmymerlin Chapter Two

28th June 2014:
Hi there! I'm so sorry for the crazy delay. I forgot how much time exams take up and add that with working eight hour shifts without breaks, you kind of get a bit overwhelmed!

Anyway, you asked me about characterisation and plot.

First of, characterisation. To be quite honest, I feel like Amelia is very smart for her age. Like, maybe a bit /too/ smart and too aware of what's going on psychologically. A lot of eleven year olds are clever but a lot of them are unaware. She's very aware that her parents are cold and unforgiving, and I don't know if this is accurate, but I got the feeling that the whole family is like that (from the not singing at the birthday party) and so Amelia would probably think that's normal for families until she meets someone and their family and sees the differences. Because when we're kids we just think everyone does the exact same things as us and when we find out we're so shocked. I remember when I was eleven or twelve, I went to my friend's place for dinner and a sleep over for one of the first times and they did everything completely different and I told Mum about it and she explained that we're not all the same.

So maybe make her think it's completely normal for parents to be so distant and cold, but you could make her a bit upset/annoyed that her parents don't really pay that much attention and are emotionless, but I think ultimately you need to make her think it's completely normal and only until she meets someone else she realises it's not normal.

But other than that, I quite liked Amelia :) She's just very mature and aware for her age!

Also, I feel like you've written her parents as one person, if that makes sense. It's like they don't have their own personality. Maybe add a bit of description with their mannerisms? Maybe make the mother stiff and still, but the father slumped and fidgety. Obviously there are other mannerisms but they're just the first things that came to mind. Just try to separate them :)

Now onto her brother and sister. I quite liked them! I like that you can tell the similarities between Georgina and Benjamin. Although, they are very different from Amelia and her parents, in my opinion. They seemed to be showing 'too much' emotion. I put that in quote marks because of how stoic the other three are. But that's good that you've made them a little different! :D Also, how old are they?

And oh my god, Amelia's kitten seems adorable! I'm a total crazy cat lady (my friends even got me a jumper with it written on it and I wear it everywhere :P) and you wrote that scene so beautifully! I just wanted to hold and steal the lil kitty! :'D What's his name, by the way?

Okay, now onto plot!

Seeing as it's only the second chapter (but I did read the first chapter to see what it was going to be like - but I only review one chapter at a time so if you want a review for chapter one you'll have to re-request), the plot isn't very evident yet. But still, it's flowing nicely and I think it's going to be rather interesting.

I'm very curious as to why the parents want their kids not to be in Slytherin and why they want them to be Animagi. It seems extremely shifty!

Also, I noticed a few minor errors:

brother stammered "Muh... um... Dah... ad."
brother stammered, "Mu-um... Da-ad."

There should be a comma before the quote marks. I also changed it to be Mu-um and Da-ad because I thought that looked better :P But that has no proper thing, it's just a personal bias, haha!

"Yeah," Amelia asked.
"Yeah?" Amelia asked.

Seeing as when someone asks something, it's a question, so it should have a question mark.

Okay, there we go! Hopefully I was a little helpful to you! I think you've got a good story so far, it just needs a little editing and re-reading. You're doing a great job!

Feel free to request again!

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Thank you for your review!
I think you made a really good point with how I don't separate Mr. and Mrs. Blake enough. I'm going to have to try to do a better job with it.
I'm glad you liked the scene I did with the kitten. It was hard to write, but I was satisfied with how that scene turned out and I'm happy that you are to.
Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Review #8, by Carolynn Chapter Three

23rd June 2014:
Yay! you updated!

I said this in my previous reviews, and I'm going to say it again, I hate her parents. I know cats can be annoying, I own three of them myself, but the doesn't mean you should silence them. Espessily a sweet cat such as King.

I really enjoyed this chapter, it introduces what I'm guessing are the main characters. It's the start of everthing in a way, and you did a good a good job writing it!

I'm excited for your next update!

Author's Response: Thank you for your review!
I agree with you about how you shouldn't silence cats. I'm a cat lover myself, and I was actually sort of reluctant to put that part in, but I figured it was just something Amelia's parents would do.
I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. I did introduce a lot of the main characters in it, and I hope I did a decent job with capturing who I want them to be.
Thank you for reading and reviewing!

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Review #9, by MadiMalfoy Chapter One

13th June 2014:
Hey, MadiMalfoy here with your requested review from a few weeks ago! :)

Well, let me just say: wow. This was a phenomenal opening chapter. Your descriptions are so concise yet illustrative it fits the relationship Amelia has with her parents. I was immediately drawn in by how you described Amelia's feelings towards being called downstairs. I don't even know what to say about it all because it's all so great! So rather than leave you with a very incoherent, rambling mess of a review, I'll sum up my thoughts as best I can. :P

Essentially, your main concerns were level of interest and creating a dark atmosphere. This opening chapter is very interesting in that we get to see how the family members all act in relation to one another but we aren't told why it is that way, except for the children already at Hogwarts (i.e. Amelia's explanation of why their sorting was the correct placement for them). The mystery of the parents' cold indifference towards their children and lives in general creates the mysterious air, although it's not really "dark" yet simply because nothing bad or scary has happened yet--you're just setting up for that to happen.

So to answer your areas of concern, you have a fantastic start and it definitely gives a different perspective on life. Please re-request at your conveniece! I'd love to continue reading this. :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Thank you for your review!
I'm glad you found my descriptions, as you put it, "concise yet illustrative." I'm trying to work on my descriptive writing, so I'm happy you feel that way.
I think you also made a good point about how it's not really "dark" because nothing bad has happened yet.You helped me to realize that is was more of a mysterious atmosphere I was trying to do, so I could provide a set up for something dark that may happen.
Thank you for reading and reviewing!

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Review #10, by UnluckyStar57 Chapter One

9th June 2014:
Hello!! After what might seem like eons, I'm here with the review you requested! :)

In your request, you asked me to check the syntax of the story. In my opinion, you did a great job with word choice and sentence structure--everything was pretty clear and easy to understand! However, I find that all stories (no matter how well-written they might be) can use a grammar/syntax check every now and again. The only thing that I would recommend as far as cleaning up the prose goes would be that you give this chapter another read-through and see if there's anything that you've missed. I did find a few things that weren't totally correct, but it wasn't anything major. I think that you'll probably catch the mistakes on your own. :)

Okay, now let's move on to praise. :D

The characterization so far is very intriguing. Amelia seems like a nice little girl. She's obviously very bookish and quiet, which makes me think that she'll get Sorted into Ravenclaw. And despite her parents' discouragement of affection amongst Amelia and the twins, she seems to have been loved by her siblings. I wonder why the Blakes' children turned out so differently, in opposition to their coldness. Hmmm...

Mr. and Mrs. Blake are my least favorite characters. :/ They have three children who sound lovely, and that's rare, because they seem to have tried to raise them so that they would turn out just as cold and not affectionate as they are. Why would they specifically tell each of their children to stay away from Slytherin? Were they Slytherins during the war and now they're afraid that they'll become connected again to the "evil" House? If that's their motivation, I think they're pretty out-of-line. Slytherin is not necessarily an evil House.

You know, because Georgina and Benjamin weren't Sorted into Slytherin, I sort of think that Amelia will be a Slytherin... Just because that's the way irony works, right? :)

As for the twins, they seem cool. I love how the incident with the bowtruckle really emphasizes the House traits of each one. It was a really good way to showcase their respective personalities without saying, "This is Character A. He is X, Y, and Z. This is Character B. She is T, U, V." Awesome job!

This is a really good first chapter! Now I'm curious to know which House Amelia will be Sorted into! :)


Author's Response: Thank you for your review!
I appreciate how you told me there were a few things in my prose that is not completely correct in regard to grammar/syntax. I'll have to give it another read through as you suggested.
I'm glad you find my characterization intriguing. I also like how you noticed that I used the bowtruckle incident to describe the House traits. One of the reasons I put the part in there was to do just that!
Thank you for reading and reviewing!

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Review #11, by Hats For House Elves Chapter Two

8th June 2014:
Hats for House Elves here with your requested review.

You know your characters really well. Your chapters are long, and you obviously have a big pool of knowledge about your characters and can justify why you want them to act in a particular way. These are key foundations for any story so the only way is up from here.

So we know Amelia is a shy introvert who prefers the company of a book to people. She doesn't get on with her parents, but not to the extent of arguing or anything. I can't wait to find out who she's going to meet at Hogwarts how she copes with sharing a room and all that kind of thing.

On character improvement points. Remember however well read Amelia is she is still going to think like an 11 year old. I never really get a sense of how she feels about going to Hogwarts, which any witch, who has grown up in a magical household, will have been thinking about for years.

Her parents as you state are cold and calculating, strict in certain situations but not mean. Now we know all this through Amelia, who isn't really going to have thought too much about it. Parents are the way they are until children grow up to compare other parents. They are either getting at you to tidy your room, or angry about something that isn't your fault or treating you to ice-cream. Three differing examples not the be all and end all of parenting I'm sure.

This brings me nicely onto flow. I'm going to include description in this section because description is the corner stone to story flow.

My review gets interactive at this point. Go and get a pen and a piece of paper. If you haven't got a pen get a pencil or a crayon or something. If you haven't got a piece of paper use a napkin or the desk or the back of your hand.

Write the following words:

Show don't tell.

I'm serious. Pen paper. Show don't tell.

An author is an all knowing power. A reader is a sheep, who will follow that author into whatever adventure the author wishes. The reader doesn't want to know that It WAS the Butler the first time Mr Victor Tim rings the bell for tea. Keep some information back and only show your reader part of the picture. Let them make assumptions let them make mistakes.

The example from your chapter is the big animagus reveal. This may be a clue in a much larger mystery but there is no lead up. I would have kept that back as a motive to why Mr and Mrs Blake pay particular attention to Amelia's tranfiguration marks. I would have them send weekly letters asking for updates and suggesting extra homework. Only later would I have Amelia find out that's what they want.

Back to description and show don't tell.

You open the chapter in Diagon Alley.

Quote:"Diagon Alley was a pleasant place the day the Blake family went to it."

The second half of this sentence is pointless. By introducing Diagon Alley your reader will assume that a main character will be there.

Quote: "The sun was there and radiated sunlight strong enough to give brightness even to the dull grey road."

So you are describing Diagon Alley by telling us that it is nice and its a sunny day. Major point - Never say that anything is 'there'. It adds nothing. Again the reader will assume. From 32 words I know nothing else about Diagon Alley. Stating the irrelevant disrupts flow. You need to show us where people are and what they are doing. All that knowledge you have, informs you as to what they do and how they do it. What they say and why they say it.

Get your head in the street. All knowing power remember - you need to be the film camera directing the eyes of your readers to look at what you need them to see. You can choose whether they look at the clouds or the cobbles. Whether the are stationary, watching the hustle and bustle go past or are moving down the street following the overexcited child running to their mother, bursting with the news that the latest gobstones are on sale.

Now as the author who just wrote the previous sentence I could tell you that the child is wearing a green t shirt and jeans. Is from a broken family and wants to be captain of the Hogwarts gobstones club. I wouldn't.

I could tell you that his name is Harry and his parents named him after Harry Potter, in the hope that he would grow up to be famous. I won't.

I could tell you that his mother is seeing a new man and really thinks he could be the one. I most certainly won't.

Instead my 'camera' will follow him as he grabs his mother's hand and drags her back down the street chattering on about half price gobstones. She will distract him by mentioning Olivander's.

What I hope that the reader gets from my description about the boy and the gobstones, is that he is a chatty and excitable 11 year old, who likes playing gobstones. He's at Diagon Alley with his mother to get his school supplies as he starts Hogwarts this September. I can't guarantee my reader will pick any of that up. They may get the impression he is an only child and that the dad isn't in the picture but if they don't get that straight away it doesn't matter. They will do in later scenes.

This review has turned into a waffle... and I'm running out of space.

To summarise
You have a solid fondation for a story. Characters mystery and a setting. To improve:

Show don't tell
Only show part of the picture.
Direct your readers but let them assume, even if they're wrong.

I hope it helps and feel free to ask me to explain any of this again.

Keep Writing!


Author's Response: Thank you for your review!
I especially appreciate your in-depth exclamation of description and show-not-tell. It's something I have to work on, and I am really thankful you put the effort you did in explaining it to me.
You also made a good point about the lack of information I have provided about Amelia's feelings about going to Hogwarts. I will have to take this fact into consideration.
Thank you for reading and reviewing! You have been helpful and I appreciate it.

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Review #12, by lindslo2012 Chapter Two

6th June 2014:
Hi there!!
Here for another requested review!
I enjoyed this chapter very much and thought it was very interesting. I like Amelia, she seems like a very sweet and smart girl and I think she will do very well in Hogwarts.
I don't like her parents very much- I mean I am sure they love and care for their children but I feel maybe they should show at least a little more love. Those meanies. :)
I was excited when they went to Diagon Alley-
eek, that means they are getting closer to Hogwarts! Always an exciting time.
I was happy when they let her brother go off and buy that boom. and I think that Amelia's sister comes off as very nice but a little strange :) they all seem like really good kids though.
I am so excited to see what the rest of your story holds, so please, come back for a re-request!!
Until next time,

Author's Response: Thank you for your review!
I'm glad you enjoyed my chapter. I feel it's good that you like Amelia, for it's pretty important to have a likable protagonist.
I agree with you about the excitement of going to Hogwarts, and I really look forward to writing about it.
Thanks again for your review- I really appreciate it. I will certainly come back for a re-request.

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Review #13, by newgenerationlover Chapter One

2nd June 2014:
Hi! Here for your requested review!

This story has an interesting start. I'm guessing that your protagonist is going to be in ravenclaw (that is, if she doesn't blatantly refuse her parent's request and ask to be put into slytherin). I like that you have shown us Amelia's home life to allow us to find out what it is like with her living with such cold parents.

Just a little CC. You went a little overboard on your descriptions. You spent about two paragraphs describing the parents facial expressions once Amelia walks into the room. Don't get me wrong, descriptions are not bad, but they can be a lot more concise and just think about what my English teacher always tells me, "Show, don't tell!" For instance, the indifference was already stated above as well as this just being too long to introduce one little sentence "His voice both gruff and indifferent, he said the words “alright then..." It's just that the reader wants to keep the story moving and not get caught up in all these long winded descriptions.

I am very intrigued as to why her parents don't want her in Slytherin. Maybe anti-pure blood sentiment? Maybe they used to be a big part of the 'lets hate on muggle borns' club (commonly known as the Death Eaters) and want to get away from that image? Well whatever it is, it has me wanting to find out more. Looking forward to Amelia's character developing. She seems to be interesting so far!

Good Job!

Author's Response: Thank you for your review.I appreciate it.
I especially appreciate the advice you have given me for descriptions, as they are something I am trying to work on with my writing. I'm aware that the "Show, don't tell" concept is important, and I guess I will have to work on it more.
Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Review #14, by Carolynn Chapter Two

30th May 2014:
Great chapter!

I really enjoyed how you desricbed Digaon Ally and Florish and Blotts!

I`m quite fond of cats, so I was quite happy that Ameila has one. What made her interested in him, reminded me of a cat I once had, you did well writing the personality of a cat, hopefully Ameila's cat isn't like my sister's cat, he can be annoying.

Why do Mr. and Mrs. Blake want their childern become Animagi, I know it's a cool power, being able to transform into an animal, but like you said, it's a dangerous progess, they really are not good parents.

Again, Great chapter!I'm excited for your next update, and the cat.

Author's Response: Thank you for your review!
I'm glad you enjoyed my description of Diagon Alley and Flourish and Blotts. I'm trying to work on description with my writing, so it's good to know that you like how I am doing it.
I agree that becoming Animagi is a dangerous process, but I am also intrigued by it and I look forward to writing about it.
Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Review #15, by TidalDragon Chapter One

29th May 2014:
Howdy! Here to fill your review request on deadline day! I'm going to focus on the areas you specifically asked for: characterization and description.

In terms of characterization, I thought you did a solid job with Amelia. You revealed one of her hobbies/interests - intense reading, but most importantly you revealed how her mind works. She came across very analytical and reflective. The parents were decently portrayed to fit the coldness which Amelia ascribed to them. The best aspect of that I think was the way you never used their first names. It was a nice touch to reinforce Amelia's conclusions about them (ouch by the way, coming from their 10 year-old daughter!).

As for descriptions, I thought they were a bit too literal and occasionally overly weighty. One of the best things you can do to bolster your descriptions is remember to "show" not "tell". For example, when discussing the scolding remarks the Blakes delivered to their children, they could have been emboldened by supplemental description of the events that inspired those statements. As it stood, you simply told us about the statements. To reduce weightiness, I'd just try to balance your word choice. You used a lot of larger words in Amelia's thoughts. Initially my impression was that perhaps this is simply how the character thinks (and maybe that's what you're going for), but some of the words seem beyond even a well-read 10 year-old. So that caused them to come off more as an effort to avoid simple words. Remember that the reason simple words are used so frequently in real conversation is because they're natural. You shouldn't avoid basic words just because they're commonly used. Instead, stick with a reasonable number of simple words, occasionally sparkle in some intermediate ones, and save your heavy hitters for critical scenes you want to have true impact. The language itself will not only stick in the reader's mind, but can subtly slow down the scene so that the reader lingers on it and absorbs it more completely.

Overall I think you have a good foundation for your MC and a potential conflict in the story. Good luck playing it out! I hope this review helps!

Author's Response: Thank you for your review!
I will be sure to take your recommendations for description into account. I'm thankful you reminded me of the "show" not "tell" concept, as I know it is an important one. You also made a good point about my word choice and I'll try to consider how Amelia might have chosen different words in my future writing.
Thanks again for reviewing!

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Review #16, by lindslo2012 Chapter One

29th May 2014:
Hi there!
Here for your requested review.
I was hooked to your story and I thought it was really really good. I did not see if it was a work in progress or if it was a one-shot but I am guessing work in progress?
Anyway... it is rather sad how her parents don't really pay attention to them. How lonely she probably feels sometimes without a parent's companionship.
I was quite surprised when her parents sat her down and told her that, I was kind of thinking that maybe her parents were the kind of parents that wanted their child in Slytherin but I guess not! I want to know more. I want to know what their purpose was in saying that. And it is pretty sad that the parents couldn't see who their children really were.
This is really good! Good job!
Come back to re-request if you have another chapter up soon.
Until next time,

Author's Response: Thank you for your review!
I agree that Amelia's situation is quite sad, and I'm glad you can see that it is because it tells me that I'm portraying it the way I want to.
I'm also glad that you were surprised about Mr. and Mrs. Blake asking Amelia not to be in Slytherin. They do have a purpose that I will get into eventually, and I hope it works well with my story.
And, by the way, my story is a work in progress. I think the next chapter should be up soon.
Thanks again for your review, and I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter.

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Review #17, by Carolynn Chapter One

22nd May 2014:
Great story so far!

The summary was fantastic! Along with the story! (or chapter)

I found Amelia very relatble, I can honestly feel what she's feeling.

I'm not too fond of the parents, I know Slytherin is known for having snobby Purebloods, but it isn't a bad house. I mean, Snape's in it!

If I had them as parents, I might try to be a Slytherin just for the sake of making them mad. #rebel

Again, it's a great start and I'm looking forward to your next chapter!

Author's Response: Thank you for writing the first review for my story.

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