Reading Reviews for Trixangela Snape: Year 1
  
10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Ally Chapter 2: The Sorting Hatís ĎSlipí

22nd July 2014:
Love it to the core, but doesn't Dennis Creevey get sorted in Harry's fourth year, not his third?

Author's Response: Thanks for the catch, I could have sworn he was in PoA, I'll have to fix that :) He's a minor character, so that's not a big deal at all.

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Review #2, by Gabriella Hunter The Prologue

22nd July 2014:
HELLO!

This is Gabbie from the forums with your review and its nice to meet you! :D Also, sorry that I'm late!

Okay, this is a really unique idea. I have never read a story with Snape and Lily in this way, I had never even thought of twisting his story to the point where he had a family of his own. I think it was a bold choice and I really love the world that you created, its AU but its got a few traces of the original HP books that I love. The beginning had me wrapped up in the story really quickly and I was fascinated by Harry's ability to bring Lily back to life with the Dark Lord's wand? Wow. That was some great writing too, it was heartbreaking but shocking at the same time and I think you wrote Snape pretty well too. His resentment for Harry is SO clear and so...well, not pleasant to read but I think you kept him as canon as possible. His love for Lily was also heartbreaking and wonderful to read, you could see how much he cared about her. BUT I was really mad at him for just abandoning Harry though! Agh, that wasn't a very good thing to do! I think it was awfully selfish but he was in a moment of grief and probably wasn't thinking straight and there was nothing very Marry Sue about it either so THANK YOU. Hahah.

Also, I enjoyed your Albus. I have never dared to write him before. Hahahha.

Now, the ending with Snape and Trixi was very good, I liked how awkward he was to be with her and how difficult it was for him to be there for her after Lily's death.

I want to find out more about how Harry brought her back...

Anyway, I really enjoyed this so don't be scared to re-request!

There were only a few grammar issues in the earlier paragraphs but most of it was pretty spot on so you should be able to look through and fix those without any problem. :D

Thanks for the read!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Thanks for your review! It was awesome! I am glad you liked all those parts (except Snape's selfishness... yeah... it's only SLIGHTLY AU, so I can't totally leave out that Harry needed to be raised by the Dursleys - sorry :() And we love Snape because he's Snape, I totally can't rewrite his character, otherwise, I may as well made my own OC that is very similar to him.

I have noticed the grammar issues myself, I have been just too lazy to edit them, I have gone through many of the current chapters fixing mistakes, so eventually, I'll get to this chapter too. I also need to change some of Harry's words around, as someone noted that he may have been talking a bit too immature for his age.


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Review #3, by Emily Chapter 5; Moony and Moody

21st July 2014:
Why do I love this by far? Because it shows raw emotion and the struggles of being a single dad. You are not using too much dialogue, at least for me. I respect dialogue because it reveals things that would have otherwise not been revealed. Love it! I need more!

Author's Response: Hey, Emily, thanks for your review! It helps me a lot! I almost got a new chapter ready to send for validation, I usually need a bit of help with proof reading and cannon (plus making sense, lol), so I try not to submit something without another pair of eyes scanning it over. But soon, I promise!

You will see much more "single parent" issues shortly :)


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Review #4, by MadiMalfoy The Prologue

14th July 2014:
Hi there! Sorry about the ridiculous wait on this, you probably forgot about requesting this!

Since you only wanted me to focus on plot, I'll go in depth with it! First off, what a different take on Voldemort's attack on the Potters! And Harry getting his wand and bringing Lily back! I think it is really mysterious and adds a sense of foreboding to the story because Albus and Snape can't figure out what it is that Harry did. Snape offering his home for Lily & Harry is very touching! Lily and Snape having a daughter (and being together in general) is not something I ship, but you make her bring out the good in him, so thank you for that!

Perfect characterization of both of them I think! Lily is so kind, loving, and caring, so she takes care of the kids and gives them all the love she can. Severus is the awkward, rather indifferent father figure and is sort of helpless with the children. It's very in-character for him to not want Harry once Lily is gone because he reminds him all too much of her and the whole situation they went through. Poor Harry though! Thank goodness for Dumbledore! I'm glad you gave Snape a scene with his daughter crying, it really shows he actually does love his daughter, he's just not the best with feelings or how to deal with a crying baby. The house elf Riffer is so cute!

Great opening chapter so far, I think you've got quite the story set up here! :) Feel free to re-request if you'd like!
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Thanks for your review, I don't mind the long wait, I know people get busy! :)

Snape actually lightens up a bit with Harry (in chapters that look back during Snape/Lily time together, but due to the lost of his love, it's inevitable for him to just hate the boy). There will be touching moments with Snape when Lily is around (as you have mentioned). Snape can be caring when he's not hauled up in sorrow, regret, and self-pity.

The next chapter I update for this story will go back in the past. I am really looking forward to it's posting.


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Review #5, by lindslo2012 In the Middle

25th June 2014:
Hey there!
Here for another requested review. I am getting more into the story than ever before now. WOW, she was sorted into Gryffindor! And she's not sure about the fact she is the right place or not. Poor girl... when Snape was looking at her I felt bad because you could just tell that he was disappointed in his daughter :( Also I think it is kind of sad that Trixi had to find out that way about Harry. But now at least she knows that Harry is her half-brother and that he should be there to help her in the long run even if it doesn't seem like it right now. :/
Well, lovely chapter and I didn't see anything wrong with it. Come back and re-request!
Until next time,
-Lindsey

Author's Response: Thanks for your review Lindsey! :) I always look forward to them because it's nice to know people enjoy reading my story :) The next chapter will be awesome, well, at least I say so, LOL :)

And don't worry, Snape will help his daughter in more ways than one ;)


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Review #6, by lindslo2012 Chapter 2: The Sorting Hatís ĎSlipí

10th June 2014:
Hey! Here for your requested review!
Sorry for the delay, I've been kind of sick :(
Anyways now to your story!
WOW. I was totally freaking out that whole time! I was scared for little Trixi, wanting to be in Slytherin... but I did have a feeling that she would be placed in a different house after all. Maybe she has alot more of Lily in her than her father? Let's hope so.. lol.
I LOVED the hat's song, was that made up by you? Wow!
I am really wanting to know what is going to happen in her future now that she is officially a Gryffindor. I bet she is quite upset because she knows her father is going to be quite mad at her. It isn't her fault though and she didn't exactly fight the hat's choice. Aww! I hope Harry finds out about her soon or at least eventually so he can step in and protect her!
Another amazing chapter. Please come back and re-request!
Until next time,
-Lindsey

Author's Response: This story is taking an interesting turn. I have 23 chapters so far, so a lot actually happens. Many twists and stuff.

Anyway, I am happy you're enjoying this story, and yes I did make up the hat's poem, I really didn't want to have one, because I stink at poem making, but I was told it would make my story better, so I tried... Took two days. :)

She didn't fight the hat, no. She's not much of a fighter to begin with, really easy to con.. **wink* okay.. so I am not going to go much further with this, don't want to ruin the plot. :P

Thanks for reading! :):):)


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Review #7, by ohmymerlin The Prologue

30th May 2014:
Hey there! I'm here from my review thread! :)

Okay, so first of all -- it's kind of interesting how Harry was able to resurrect Lily. It's a bit unrealistic but I can roll with it.

Also, I like how you've still made Severus very selfish. Even though this story and the Harry Potter novels are completely different, I like how you've still kept the same characteristics of Severus!

I only noticed one tiny little typo and here it is:

"You're not really going to?: Snape asked as the old man set the baby at the foot of his feet.

It should have a " after 'to?' instead of a :

But other than that, your grammar and spelling had no other errors! It's definitely a relief when the story has little/no errors! :)

Although, I felt like Harry was speaking too old for his age. Especially when he was a baby. Babies tend to not speak sternly at one. They just kind of babble words -- you can tell when they're in a bad mood of course but they don't really have a 'tone'.

Also when he was three he was speaking very old for his age. I don't think he wouldn't say he wasn't allowed to touch the wand but maybe it would be, "No! You said I can't touch it!" or "Mummy said I wasn't to touch!" Children speak /very/ simply so I'd definitely look up the way they speak and maybe fix it up a little?

But other than that, I think you've done a great job! You've written this opening chapter very well and it definitely pulls readers in to read the rest of the story and see why Harry could bring Lily back to life.

Feel free to request again!

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks so much for your review, I will see how if I can make Harry's speech a bit more babyish. Although, I did consider him pretty mature. :)

Your review was awesome and very helpful!


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Review #8, by Kinnu Chapter 1: All Aboard the Hogwarts Express

30th May 2014:
Hi!

Here for your requested review!

Your idea for the story is great! I absolutely love it when alternate story lines are created within the actual story. I am quite looking forward to how you write the next chapters.

By the way, since you asked for a review on one chapter, I thought I'd give the review for both on this one since you said you consider this a part of the first one.

I thought the characterization of Albus Dumbledore was spot-on. His speech patterns were so...him. As were Lily and Harry.
Trixi's character, I found, was very well-developed. Her thought processes take a certain turn and stay that way. Her opinions stay the same and I think what you expected to portray came right through.
But I found Snape a little out of character. He seems to be blowing hot and cold too much. My idea of him is that he is snarky and composed in every situation, no matter the situation. So much emotion doesn't show on his face, so if you don't describe his expressions and say how bland his expressions are, it would do the job. That is not to say you can't show a soft side of him. But occasionally, if you will. Again, this is just my opinion. You might have different thoughts on it.

Another thing I noticed is the St. Mungo's incident in the previous chapter. If they entered St.Mungo's, wouldn't someone know about it? The receptionist or a healer? Unless a Disillusionment Charm was cast or a Memory Charm... But if someone still remembering it from then is an integral part of your later story, please ignore me.

I desperately want to know how Voldemort will get back his wand from Albus Dumbledore! That'll make an absolutely amazing chapter...Looking forward to it.

Do re-request for any future chapters you write...I would love to read more of your story! very intriguing!

Keep writing...
Kinnu

Author's Response: Thanks for your review, it is very very helpful. I am glad you liked Dumbledore's part, I find him pretty difficult to do :)

About Snape, one thing I want to stress is we are seeing him through Trixi's eyes now, and she can read him a lot better than anyone else. We will start hearing his snarkiness soon enough though, never fear :)


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Review #9, by lindslo2012 Chapter 1: All Aboard the Hogwarts Express

29th May 2014:
Hey there!
Here for another review!
I was really impressed with this chapter. You made a lot of good detail with your chapter here and it's very unique from other stories I have read.
I am hoping that Harry will eventually find out that this little girl is actually his little half sister. :)
I hate that Snape is talking down about Harry but it is Snape so what should we expect? Lol.
I love your story so far and I am definitely going to keep reading so come back and re-request!!! :D
Until next time,
-Lindsey

Author's Response: I am enjoying this story also, I usually write for myself, and don't mind sharing what I write, so yeah, I am having a blast writing and reading it.

I wish Snape wasn't so awful too! Just wait until you see how he handles Trixi *winks*

I am SOOO happy you are enjoying it, it totally makes my heart go FWEE! I hope I can continue to impress you, and thanks for coming back to review, Lindsey!


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Review #10, by lindslo2012 The Prologue

21st May 2014:
Hey there,
here for your requested review.
WOAH, I was not expecting all THAT!
I want to sock Snape right now with a punch because he was kind of uncaring of Harry. :(
Lily, wow, she was able to be brought back. I wish they could have possibly brought her back in the movies. I HATE that Harry could never be around his parents I am sure that they would be such a help to him in the situations that he had to go through in his Hogwarts years. I love that you made your story unique and your's. :)
So Trixi is Snape and Lily's? Hmm.. interesting. But it kind of makes me mad that he will care for her but not her brother. :( Grr Snape, he's irritating sometimes. I was hooked into your chapter from the very beginning! I thought it was just awesome! :) I hope you continue on and update soon. ;)
Come back and re-request!
Until next time,
-Lindsey

Author's Response: Hey thanks for reading and the kind words! I am glad you liked it! :)

Trixi is Lily's and Snape's yes, and I will have chapters that go back in time again, so we can see more of Lily :)


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