Reading Reviews for Trixangela Snape: Year 1
  
22 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Ribbons The Prologue

20th August 2014:
There is so much canon-twisting wildness in this prologue...I don't even KNOW where to start! I can honestly say that I have never read something like this. Ever.

I liked it, I thought the idea was intriguing and the plot full of potential, but the characters were a little difficult, especially Snape, for a few reasons.

First of all, Snape is very unlikable as a person. He doesn't care for Harry, and acts very selfish and unkind to everybody and everything. The question I really want to ask is how Lily ever agreed to marry him (and have a child with him) after she was awoken from the dead.

I mean, the love her life had just DIED for goodness sake, how did she ever let Snape...? Also, how can Snape have the same opinion of Harry when they've been together an entire YEAR? Does he still dislike the boy after all this time? And how can Lily allow that?

These are all questions I'm dying to have answered. I really do believe that this story has the hopes of being something thoughtful and great, but I really want some of those character/plot questions ironed out.

Keep up the good work and don't let my long and blundering review bring you down!

MUCH love,

Alena

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Review #2, by simplelullaby The Prologue

8th August 2014:
Hey! It's simplelullaby from the review forums finally here with your review. Sorry it's so late, I've been away from my laptop for a couple of days!

Okay, first off DISCLAIMER! I'm definitely not an expert with AU fics, Snape/Lily fics and the like. I do enjoy canon a lot more, and James/Lily a lot more, but even saying that I did like this chapter. It's a very interesting premise.

Technically, there's nothing outstanding per say, there's just a few formatting issues, a few points here and there where your word choice seemed a little strange (aloud as opposed to out loud etc). It's definitely not a big deal, and someone less nitpicky than myself probably wouldn't pick up on it, but maybe look at getting a beta just to tighten it up a little?

Characterisation wise, we really get to know your version of Snape very well, staying in his POV throughout the entire chapter is a really great move. I find that especially with AU it's better to gently introduce your readers to the world instead of thrusting straight into the story. You kept your chapter constant by sticking with Snape throughout the chapter, that's really great!

My one gripe with characterisation, perhaps, would be with Lily. Throughout the chapter I found myself asking why would she marry Snape so soon after James dying? Why didn't she even grieve a little bit? I'd say explain Lily's motivations a little more, maybe explain some more of Snape/Lily's relationship prior, answer why if she did in fact love Snape then why did she go with James? How did she forgive him for telling the Dark Lord of the prophecy in the first place and leading to James' death, and putting her son in danger?

Also, and this isn't particularly necessary, I would like to have had more development of Snape/Lily/Trixi/Harry as a family. It would be great to have seen how they worked as a unit, especially how Harry and Trixi interact as brother and sister. Did they love each other? Hate each other? Was Harry a very adorable big brother?

Ooh I did like the plot. You obviously know what's happening and you can't wait to tell us all. Your chapter had a very clear beginning, middle and end, and as I said before sticking with Snape was quite a good move. It did move pretty fast, but I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. To beef it up a little, perhaps address that too-much-dialogue you've been told of, add a little description here and there, little bits and pieces that make your story come alive. Especially focus on adding a little more setting description, that stuff is rarely used but adds more to a chapter than almost any other area!

One big glaring plot hole I couldn't seem to wrap my mind across was how is Harry alive? We know that Lily's sacrifice was what protected Harry against the Dark Lord's curse, but if Lily is resurrected surely that protection is at least diminished. You've created a really interesting story, with Harry bringing his mother back to life and the like, it's very unique and original and I am interested in what happens next.

To answer your questions of concern, I'm very interested in the plot. It works well as a first chapter because it gets me interested! Flow-wise it goes through pretty fast, but maybe back in edits if you beef it up more with a little more description then you'll be golden. I think I addressed everything else above here and there.

There you have it. Again sorry for the wait, hope this was helpful!

Keep Writing


~Aimee~

Author's Response: Thanks for you WONDERFUL review! I want to let you know that I have intended to include chapters that walk the reader into the past, addressing most of the issues that were concerning you. In fact, there's one already validated (Chapter 6), if you care to read it. You should see a lot of improvement between this chapter and that one. :)

I LOVE the past chapters I am writing, and as you said, I can't WAIT to share them. The story is mostly about Trixi though, so most of the POV of view would be from her! But we do see some of Draco's, Lupin's, and even an OC or two's.

REALLY appreciate your thoughts! I hope you will read more!


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Review #3, by crestwood Chapter 6: I'll Be There For You

7th August 2014:
This chapter made me feel a number of different things. First, I loved seeing Lily and James together. Something about the way you wrote them here was incredible. Missing moments like that are always some of my favorite things to read. That scene from Lily's point of view was a great cold opening for this chapter.

Snape and Lily's relationship here is awesome and I love that she doesn't like disrespecting House Elves. That seems like an opinion she'd have and reminds me of Hermione as well. Also, the anti-kidnapping spell was really interesting, as well as the way Snape accessed his photographic memory. I think you've done a great job with the flow of this story and again, the dialogue is good in my opinion. This was a really good, even if unexpected, chapter. Thank you for your request and feel free to re-request when you've uploaded more!

Author's Response: I am not REALLY a James/Lily fan. I just... after what I learned how he was in school... It irritates me. I had similar issues when I was younger, and I just don't understand how people can be so cruel. That boy would have gotten a few bloody noses if I were there!

But, Lily loved him, and I love Lily, so I must accept the choices she makes. They were incredible together, I admit. James (when he's not a bully) has an excellent personality (Black too). Everyone loves jokesters. They can brighten someone's day in no time flat.

I couldn't see Lily taking too much advantage of a house elf, she was independent, and with the lost of her magic, I could see her becoming more irritated that she couldn't do a THING for herself anymore. Not to mention, Lily is just kind(would Snape fall for her if she weren't? Probably not), and a lot of house elves end up being mistreated (at least the ones she would have known).

Anti kidnapping ward, yes... I love making up spells, it's one of the most fun things about writing a story in this world. More will come!



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Review #4, by crestwood Chapter 5; Moony and Moody

7th August 2014:
I don't notice any abnormal amount of dialogue here, but I think that has to do with the effectiveness of it. If the dialogue was terrible then I'd probably suggest that you balance it out with some description, but your dialogue is quite the opposite, so the amount works just fine for me. I think Trixi and Snape had excellent conversations and bounce off of each other well.

Actually this chapter thrived on conversations; between Trixi and Snape, Lupin and Snape and Trixi and Lupin. They've all got such rich personalities and converging histories that it keeps me interested the entire chapter. I have to admit, this is going much differently than I expected. I expected Trixi to spend a lot more time with the main characters of the original series, but I actually like it better with her doing her own thing. It's a whole lot more realistic that way.

Author's Response: Thank you for all your reviews, and am SOOO relieved on how you think of the dialog.

I am with you, if it's effective dialog, then there's no problem. I love dialog though. I use my imagination for most other parts in the stories I read. If you describe too much, it doesn't give the reader much to "create" their own atmosphere in the world they are "traveling" in. Which is how I grew up to think when I read/wrote a book. Sometimes readers like to twist their own things around, and relate to the character(s) in their own way. I like to allow that.


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Review #5, by crestwood Chapter 4: Classes Begin

7th August 2014:
I'm glad you wrote Thomas Vandel into the story, I was afraid that Trixi would have no friends in her own year. Also, I love reading stories in which people are good with potions. I don't know why, but potions really interest me a lot more than other subjects that people write. Snape was written exactly like his canon self in this chapter, you've nailed his teaching style.

Seeing Lupin as a teacher again is a bit bittersweet, but luckily he's as nice as always and just such an amazing Professor. I'm happy that Trixi accepted the Gryffindors over Draco and also that the Gryffindors fought to keep her on their side. I hope this leads to more interactions between them all! Another good chapter :)

Author's Response: Ah, Thomas, the mostly quiet sweet friend of Trixi's who's overly energetic only when it comes to magic. He's one of my favorite characters. Wait until you meet officially Franilda, now SHE'S something.

I like potions too, but I am finding it a bit difficult to write, it should be easy though, you can pretty much just make up what you wish.

Lupin... **tears* I started at this year BECAUSE of Lupin, I wanted to "see" him again.

There will be some interaction with her and the Gryffindors, but not so much in the upcoming chapters.


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Review #6, by crestwood In the Middle

7th August 2014:
I can't believe Trixi ran straight out of the Great Hall! I've never read that before, but I'm glad it wasn't just about the house. She's very justified in being angry at her father for lying about Harry; that's kind of a huge deal. I liked the little reference to the Marauder's Map when Fred and George found her.

Ron wasn't being very nice in this chapter, but hopefully he'll warm up a bit. He wasn't all too nice to Hermione at first either when you think about it. You've written Draco perfectly here. He's absolutely nasty and arrogant, but definitely spot on, canon-wise. Trixi will not be happy with her father when they do finally talk... great chapter!

Author's Response: Yes, Trixi usually doesn't like being the centre of attention, so naturally the first thing that someone would do in this situation is usually get out of it- run away.

Exactly, Ron can be a bit of a jerk, and sometimes without realizing it, and like you said, he wasn't too nice with Hermione, so I thought this scene was in his character somehow. And really, wouldn't he act that way to the strange daughter of Snape? Yeah, I think so.


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Review #7, by crestwood Chapter 2: The Sorting Hatís ĎSlipí

5th August 2014:
I don't think I've ever read the castle being described as eerie, but I think it's a nice change from the normal awe-filled first years people normally write. It's excellent that Trixi doesn't hate Muggleborns because of course, Snape would not have taught her to. From how you've written her so far, I'm not all too surprised at the house the Hat thought she belonged in, I only wonder what her father has to say about her placement.

I love when people write the Sorting Hat as a character, and your Sorting Hat song was great! Those are actually really hard to write. Your characterization has been strong so far, but the real test is how you keep it up over the course of Trixi's time at Hogwarts. Will she change completely in the Gryffindor environment? Will she keep her convictions and honor her father? Honestly, I can't wait to find out either way. You're doing a great job!

Author's Response: WOW! Thanks so much for your thoughts! It makes me SOOO happy to know that people are enjoying my story!

Also, I read that Rowlings described it once as an eerie castle, so that's how I decided to portray it myself. Especially on a dark raining night.


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Review #8, by crestwood Chapter 1: All Aboard the Hogwarts Express

5th August 2014:
Hey! It's crestwood from the forums again, sorry that it took me a while to make my way back here.

I was a bit surprised by the way Trixie has turned out. I guess I was expecting someone more like Draco and his bunch, but she actually seems a little more like Ginny or Luna than any of them. I have to say that I'm grateful she wont be your stereotypical Slytherin or exactly like her father, that'll lead to more favorable interactions with the Trio and other characters we know from the series.

The relationship between Snape and Trixi was only hinted at here, but has the potential to be infinitely interesting. And it's really weird to see a young Draco written from a perspective that isn't Harry's. I love that you wrote him as still looking up to Snape. I wish their developing relationship could have been given more time in the original series.

I can't decide which house I think Trixi will end up in because she just has such a wide range of traits. It'll be interesting to see what Trixi thinks of her father's teaching style.

I will say that this story is completely new territory for me, but I think you're making a good case for my attention. There's just so many possibilities with the premise you've set up that this story will never get trite or predictable. I think this has a lot of potential!

Author's Response: I really hope you continue to read, because the story will start getting juicy as Trixi's life is explored more. We'll see Snape's parenting style, how he handles his daughter through difficult times, plus many other things Trixi will end up struggling with, that she even hides from him.

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Review #9, by Gabriella Hunter Chapter 1: All Aboard the Hogwarts Express

4th August 2014:
HELLO!

Its Gabbie from the forums with your review and I'm sorry that it took a minute, once again. I hope you won't be like Frodo and cast me into the fire or something. Anyway...

So, I was really interested in seeing what had become of Snape since the prologue and I really liked meeting Trixie, she wasn't at all what I expected. I think that you've given some really great hints about what their relationship is like and despite everything, its very loving and although Snape isn't the openly affectionate type of father, you can see how protective he is. I also liked that you kept his hatred of Harry in and I'm curious to see what Trixie will think of the Boy Wonder later on. It was pretty obvious to see that she didn't quite think of Harry the same way her father did and I wonder how that will play out later or if they'll ever talk about it more. Also, the introduction of Draco was one of my favorites, I honestly love writing him and the eager to please version that you've written is something that I haven't seen very much of.

I think that you've done a good job, however, of showing just how nasty he really is. Draco, Pansy and the Ghouls (Crabbe and Goyle) were very spot on and you could see the power that Draco had over all of them. He's a pampered bully and you didn't stray from that at all, which was nice to see and I also liked that Trixie didn't fall in with his schemes or wasn't interested in wanting to please him.

In fact, I loved that. It showed that Trixie has her own mind and knows the difference between right and wrong, I especially liked the scene that you wrote with Ginny and Luna as well. The three of them make an interesting trio and their personalities were fresh, Luna coming off as insightful as ever while Ginny held that strength that I love about her.

I hope the three of them remain friends but by that last part of the chapter, I wonder how that will continue. Trixie isn't aware of what kind of teacher her father is and I think that might come into play later on and I can't wait to see what you do with that bit of drama.

All in all, a great read! No CC's that I could spot and I hope to see you again!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Loved your review! I had a LOT of help with the CCs though, so I can't take 100% credit for that. :)

As the story goes in, you'll see how Trixi and Snape handle each other, it's been so much fun to write about :)


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Review #10, by crestwood The Prologue

2nd August 2014:
Hey, crestwod from the forums here for your requested review!

I haven't read a true AU story in years actually. This one is interesting. I'm interested in exactly why/how Harry was able to ressurect Lily, but even if we just accept that it's Voldemort's wand and it does extraordinary things that are normally impossible, I'm pretty much fine with that for the sake of getting the story going. I mean, it IS an AU. And I'm interested less in the mechanics of that, than how you handle characterization and such.

I thought you wrote a house elf really well. I always have trouble with the way they speak and interact with Wizards, so I always appreciate a well written house elf. Snape was very desperate for Harry to bring back Lily, which absolutely fits into his character. Unfortunately, so does him sending Harry to the Dursley's. That was terrible and cowardly of him, but just like him to do.

The flow of this is good to me. I don't get the feeling that it's moving too slow or fast. And I definitely don't mind the amount of dialogue. I had more than enough description here to understand what is happening, so I thought it was fine.

He does seem to have a better relationship with Trixi, but still very reluctant. I would like to see where this goes. I wonder how his relationship with an Trixi will develop and if he will act the same toward Harry at Hogwarts in this universe, even though he lived with him for two years. You've definitely got my attention though, I'll be moving on to the next chapters as soon as I can! There's no need to re-request, but if I don't begin reviewing the following chapters in a few days, feel free to contact me on the forums, I've probably just forgotten to come back here. Thank you for your request!

Author's Response: WOW! To get someone to return and read my chapters, I am so happy! And I am glad you like the story so far.

I would have thought writing a House Elf would have been the easiest thing of all. But when I played pretend as a young girl, I remember being a character that resembled the character a House Elf is kinda like, so maybe it's not too hard for me?

For the most part this is only SLIGHTLY AU, I don't want to ruin too much for you, and some of the chapters do have "too much" dialogue, but Snape unfortunately still acts the way he does toward Harry (at least in Trixi's first year). I don't know what I have quite planned for the second year, it's still... a long ways away.


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Review #11, by TidalDragon The Prologue

2nd August 2014:
Howdy! I was beginning to think you weren't going to take me up on my offer. But here I am for the Prologue.

As far as the plot goes, you've given yourself the latitude to chase what you're after with the AU designation. While I am not sure how central it will be the story going forward, I did think the idea that Harry would be able to resurrect Lily with Voldemort's wand somehow was a reach. I also think that even within the confines of an AU, it was a bit of a stretch that Snape and Lily would actually get married and pregnant within the time frame required for this story. I will grant you (much though I dislike Snape/Lily), that there was a legitimate basis for a potential romantic relationship there, but I wonder how realistic it is for Lily to have gotten over the tragedy of what transpired Halloween 1981 so thoroughly so fast. I grant you that different people deal with loss differently and perhaps this will be explained later, but right now it feels unlikely.

With the characterizations, I think certainly Snape feels solid. He still comes across tortured and with a hatred from Harry because of his hatred for James. My only concerns with Lily are those expressed above. And I don't think we get enough of other characters here to really comment in detail on their characterization.

In terms of areas for improvement, the biggest things would be taking a look at Harry and Dumbledore's dialogue. Harry speaks FAR too clearly (especially with a difficult name like Severus) for a three year-old. Perhaps some of that is a difficulty in how to actually express his three year-old speech in written form, but I'd think about that going forward. As far as Dumbledore goes, the contractions are a must-eliminate (he almost never uses them) and I would imagine him being a bit firmer and exerting more pressure on this point. After all, recall how much he demanded of Snape throughout canon (and of Harry re: the blood protection). It seems unlikely he would be willing to let the issue drop as lightly as he does here.

Just my thoughts. I hope they were helpful. PM me if you have any questions!

Author's Response: Thanks soo mcuh for your helpful review! I will see if I can make Dumbledore more firm, but he also knew Snape was in mourning.

I have already been told about Harry, so that is also on my list to fix.

I am sorry I made you read a Snape/Lily story, ahaha! Forgive me.

Also, there will be some chapters that look into the past that will show a building relationship between Snape and Lily, because I too, felt it needed to be explained :)

You're awesome, you should know it!!!


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Review #12, by MadiMalfoy Chapter 1: All Aboard the Hogwarts Express

31st July 2014:
Hi again! :)

Aw, Trixi on her first trip on the Hogwarts Express! So cute. :)

You were mainly concerned about the plot so I'll touch on that first. It's very straightforward but works well because that's how Severus himself is and sort of how Trixi is also. The only thing I would say that would improve it is to add more description of the scene to balance out the large amounts of dialogue you have. Just describe the train in greater detail or what Draco looks like, or Platform 9 3/4. That makes it less difficult to try and remember everything that's being said because describing things still helps to move plot along but also assists in setting the tone of the current scene. Other than that though, I really enjoyed how you had Trixi just forging along and talking to Luna and Ginny! She doesn't yet understand the whole prejudice thing because Snape has sheltered her from most everything.

Just two small CCs I have for you; I do believe Harry is only 13 years old in POA, so he should be 13 here too, as he's one of the youngest in his class. Also, with the dialogue, it's very formal and stiff-sounding because the characters aren't using contractions like "I'm" or "You're" and instead use the full "I am" or "You are". This makes Trixi's lines age her more than her 11 years. They're all just 11, 12, or 13 years old; they don't use sophisticated language very often yet. And just for fun, I suggest putting in a line for Draco of "My father will hear about this!" after Harry Potter faints 'cause you know it's a great line and place to say it. :P

Great chapter, come back anytime! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Thanks for your excellent advice! I have been told I have quite a lot of dialog, and I have been fixing that (you should love Chapter 6 when it's validated) only thing I noticed is now my chapters are 5-6k words! 0.0 takes a lot time to get that beta-ed and validated.

And yes, I did notice the "stiff" speech myself, I have changed that up in the later chapters, and in the future, I will go through and fix my current ones. There are still a few characters that will have that though. Namely, Franilda Wildnox who is a stiff girl to begin with.



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Review #13, by Ally Chapter 2: The Sorting Hatís ĎSlipí

22nd July 2014:
Love it to the core, but doesn't Dennis Creevey get sorted in Harry's fourth year, not his third?

Author's Response: Thanks for the catch, I could have sworn he was in PoA, I'll have to fix that :) He's a minor character, so that's not a big deal at all.

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Review #14, by Gabriella Hunter The Prologue

22nd July 2014:
HELLO!

This is Gabbie from the forums with your review and its nice to meet you! :D Also, sorry that I'm late!

Okay, this is a really unique idea. I have never read a story with Snape and Lily in this way, I had never even thought of twisting his story to the point where he had a family of his own. I think it was a bold choice and I really love the world that you created, its AU but its got a few traces of the original HP books that I love. The beginning had me wrapped up in the story really quickly and I was fascinated by Harry's ability to bring Lily back to life with the Dark Lord's wand? Wow. That was some great writing too, it was heartbreaking but shocking at the same time and I think you wrote Snape pretty well too. His resentment for Harry is SO clear and so...well, not pleasant to read but I think you kept him as canon as possible. His love for Lily was also heartbreaking and wonderful to read, you could see how much he cared about her. BUT I was really mad at him for just abandoning Harry though! Agh, that wasn't a very good thing to do! I think it was awfully selfish but he was in a moment of grief and probably wasn't thinking straight and there was nothing very Marry Sue about it either so THANK YOU. Hahah.

Also, I enjoyed your Albus. I have never dared to write him before. Hahahha.

Now, the ending with Snape and Trixi was very good, I liked how awkward he was to be with her and how difficult it was for him to be there for her after Lily's death.

I want to find out more about how Harry brought her back...

Anyway, I really enjoyed this so don't be scared to re-request!

There were only a few grammar issues in the earlier paragraphs but most of it was pretty spot on so you should be able to look through and fix those without any problem. :D

Thanks for the read!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Thanks for your review! It was awesome! I am glad you liked all those parts (except Snape's selfishness... yeah... it's only SLIGHTLY AU, so I can't totally leave out that Harry needed to be raised by the Dursleys - sorry :() And we love Snape because he's Snape, I totally can't rewrite his character, otherwise, I may as well made my own OC that is very similar to him.

I have noticed the grammar issues myself, I have been just too lazy to edit them, I have gone through many of the current chapters fixing mistakes, so eventually, I'll get to this chapter too. I also need to change some of Harry's words around, as someone noted that he may have been talking a bit too immature for his age.


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Review #15, by Emily Chapter 5; Moony and Moody

21st July 2014:
Why do I love this by far? Because it shows raw emotion and the struggles of being a single dad. You are not using too much dialogue, at least for me. I respect dialogue because it reveals things that would have otherwise not been revealed. Love it! I need more!

Author's Response: Hey, Emily, thanks for your review! It helps me a lot! I almost got a new chapter ready to send for validation, I usually need a bit of help with proof reading and cannon (plus making sense, lol), so I try not to submit something without another pair of eyes scanning it over. But soon, I promise!

You will see much more "single parent" issues shortly :)


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Review #16, by MadiMalfoy The Prologue

14th July 2014:
Hi there! Sorry about the ridiculous wait on this, you probably forgot about requesting this!

Since you only wanted me to focus on plot, I'll go in depth with it! First off, what a different take on Voldemort's attack on the Potters! And Harry getting his wand and bringing Lily back! I think it is really mysterious and adds a sense of foreboding to the story because Albus and Snape can't figure out what it is that Harry did. Snape offering his home for Lily & Harry is very touching! Lily and Snape having a daughter (and being together in general) is not something I ship, but you make her bring out the good in him, so thank you for that!

Perfect characterization of both of them I think! Lily is so kind, loving, and caring, so she takes care of the kids and gives them all the love she can. Severus is the awkward, rather indifferent father figure and is sort of helpless with the children. It's very in-character for him to not want Harry once Lily is gone because he reminds him all too much of her and the whole situation they went through. Poor Harry though! Thank goodness for Dumbledore! I'm glad you gave Snape a scene with his daughter crying, it really shows he actually does love his daughter, he's just not the best with feelings or how to deal with a crying baby. The house elf Riffer is so cute!

Great opening chapter so far, I think you've got quite the story set up here! :) Feel free to re-request if you'd like!
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Thanks for your review, I don't mind the long wait, I know people get busy! :)

Snape actually lightens up a bit with Harry (in chapters that look back during Snape/Lily time together, but due to the lost of his love, it's inevitable for him to just hate the boy). There will be touching moments with Snape when Lily is around (as you have mentioned). Snape can be caring when he's not hauled up in sorrow, regret, and self-pity.

The next chapter I update for this story will go back in the past. I am really looking forward to it's posting.


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Review #17, by lindslo2012 In the Middle

25th June 2014:
Hey there!
Here for another requested review. I am getting more into the story than ever before now. WOW, she was sorted into Gryffindor! And she's not sure about the fact she is the right place or not. Poor girl... when Snape was looking at her I felt bad because you could just tell that he was disappointed in his daughter :( Also I think it is kind of sad that Trixi had to find out that way about Harry. But now at least she knows that Harry is her half-brother and that he should be there to help her in the long run even if it doesn't seem like it right now. :/
Well, lovely chapter and I didn't see anything wrong with it. Come back and re-request!
Until next time,
-Lindsey

Author's Response: Thanks for your review Lindsey! :) I always look forward to them because it's nice to know people enjoy reading my story :) The next chapter will be awesome, well, at least I say so, LOL :)

And don't worry, Snape will help his daughter in more ways than one ;)


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Review #18, by lindslo2012 Chapter 2: The Sorting Hatís ĎSlipí

10th June 2014:
Hey! Here for your requested review!
Sorry for the delay, I've been kind of sick :(
Anyways now to your story!
WOW. I was totally freaking out that whole time! I was scared for little Trixi, wanting to be in Slytherin... but I did have a feeling that she would be placed in a different house after all. Maybe she has alot more of Lily in her than her father? Let's hope so.. lol.
I LOVED the hat's song, was that made up by you? Wow!
I am really wanting to know what is going to happen in her future now that she is officially a Gryffindor. I bet she is quite upset because she knows her father is going to be quite mad at her. It isn't her fault though and she didn't exactly fight the hat's choice. Aww! I hope Harry finds out about her soon or at least eventually so he can step in and protect her!
Another amazing chapter. Please come back and re-request!
Until next time,
-Lindsey

Author's Response: This story is taking an interesting turn. I have 23 chapters so far, so a lot actually happens. Many twists and stuff.

Anyway, I am happy you're enjoying this story, and yes I did make up the hat's poem, I really didn't want to have one, because I stink at poem making, but I was told it would make my story better, so I tried... Took two days. :)

She didn't fight the hat, no. She's not much of a fighter to begin with, really easy to con.. **wink* okay.. so I am not going to go much further with this, don't want to ruin the plot. :P

Thanks for reading! :):):)


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Review #19, by ohmymerlin The Prologue

30th May 2014:
Hey there! I'm here from my review thread! :)

Okay, so first of all -- it's kind of interesting how Harry was able to resurrect Lily. It's a bit unrealistic but I can roll with it.

Also, I like how you've still made Severus very selfish. Even though this story and the Harry Potter novels are completely different, I like how you've still kept the same characteristics of Severus!

I only noticed one tiny little typo and here it is:

"You're not really going to?: Snape asked as the old man set the baby at the foot of his feet.

It should have a " after 'to?' instead of a :

But other than that, your grammar and spelling had no other errors! It's definitely a relief when the story has little/no errors! :)

Although, I felt like Harry was speaking too old for his age. Especially when he was a baby. Babies tend to not speak sternly at one. They just kind of babble words -- you can tell when they're in a bad mood of course but they don't really have a 'tone'.

Also when he was three he was speaking very old for his age. I don't think he wouldn't say he wasn't allowed to touch the wand but maybe it would be, "No! You said I can't touch it!" or "Mummy said I wasn't to touch!" Children speak /very/ simply so I'd definitely look up the way they speak and maybe fix it up a little?

But other than that, I think you've done a great job! You've written this opening chapter very well and it definitely pulls readers in to read the rest of the story and see why Harry could bring Lily back to life.

Feel free to request again!

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks so much for your review, I will see how if I can make Harry's speech a bit more babyish. Although, I did consider him pretty mature. :)

Your review was awesome and very helpful!


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Review #20, by Kinnu Chapter 1: All Aboard the Hogwarts Express

30th May 2014:
Hi!

Here for your requested review!

Your idea for the story is great! I absolutely love it when alternate story lines are created within the actual story. I am quite looking forward to how you write the next chapters.

By the way, since you asked for a review on one chapter, I thought I'd give the review for both on this one since you said you consider this a part of the first one.

I thought the characterization of Albus Dumbledore was spot-on. His speech patterns were so...him. As were Lily and Harry.
Trixi's character, I found, was very well-developed. Her thought processes take a certain turn and stay that way. Her opinions stay the same and I think what you expected to portray came right through.
But I found Snape a little out of character. He seems to be blowing hot and cold too much. My idea of him is that he is snarky and composed in every situation, no matter the situation. So much emotion doesn't show on his face, so if you don't describe his expressions and say how bland his expressions are, it would do the job. That is not to say you can't show a soft side of him. But occasionally, if you will. Again, this is just my opinion. You might have different thoughts on it.

Another thing I noticed is the St. Mungo's incident in the previous chapter. If they entered St.Mungo's, wouldn't someone know about it? The receptionist or a healer? Unless a Disillusionment Charm was cast or a Memory Charm... But if someone still remembering it from then is an integral part of your later story, please ignore me.

I desperately want to know how Voldemort will get back his wand from Albus Dumbledore! That'll make an absolutely amazing chapter...Looking forward to it.

Do re-request for any future chapters you write...I would love to read more of your story! very intriguing!

Keep writing...
Kinnu

Author's Response: Thanks for your review, it is very very helpful. I am glad you liked Dumbledore's part, I find him pretty difficult to do :)

About Snape, one thing I want to stress is we are seeing him through Trixi's eyes now, and she can read him a lot better than anyone else. We will start hearing his snarkiness soon enough though, never fear :)


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Review #21, by lindslo2012 Chapter 1: All Aboard the Hogwarts Express

29th May 2014:
Hey there!
Here for another review!
I was really impressed with this chapter. You made a lot of good detail with your chapter here and it's very unique from other stories I have read.
I am hoping that Harry will eventually find out that this little girl is actually his little half sister. :)
I hate that Snape is talking down about Harry but it is Snape so what should we expect? Lol.
I love your story so far and I am definitely going to keep reading so come back and re-request!!! :D
Until next time,
-Lindsey

Author's Response: I am enjoying this story also, I usually write for myself, and don't mind sharing what I write, so yeah, I am having a blast writing and reading it.

I wish Snape wasn't so awful too! Just wait until you see how he handles Trixi *winks*

I am SOOO happy you are enjoying it, it totally makes my heart go FWEE! I hope I can continue to impress you, and thanks for coming back to review, Lindsey!


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Review #22, by lindslo2012 The Prologue

21st May 2014:
Hey there,
here for your requested review.
WOAH, I was not expecting all THAT!
I want to sock Snape right now with a punch because he was kind of uncaring of Harry. :(
Lily, wow, she was able to be brought back. I wish they could have possibly brought her back in the movies. I HATE that Harry could never be around his parents I am sure that they would be such a help to him in the situations that he had to go through in his Hogwarts years. I love that you made your story unique and your's. :)
So Trixi is Snape and Lily's? Hmm.. interesting. But it kind of makes me mad that he will care for her but not her brother. :( Grr Snape, he's irritating sometimes. I was hooked into your chapter from the very beginning! I thought it was just awesome! :) I hope you continue on and update soon. ;)
Come back and re-request!
Until next time,
-Lindsey

Author's Response: Hey thanks for reading and the kind words! I am glad you liked it! :)

Trixi is Lily's and Snape's yes, and I will have chapters that go back in time again, so we can see more of Lily :)


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