Reading Reviews for Sevenfold
  
34 Reviews Found

Review #1, by patronus_charm everything you touch, only dies

21st July 2014:
Wooh I just finished my first ever novel too, so high five and congrats as itís such a good feeling, isnít it?

Well, I donít think this ending was unsatisfying as it just left me going wow, wow, wow as I canít really comprehend everything and it was so powerful and so wow and I really loved every chapter of it as it really shed new light on what it was like to be a murderer. The first section really showed that with how Louis just couldnít deal with his mother and her contrasting views and that was shown really, really well.

I liked the links back to the original murders and Ruth Coffman/Ada as it tied up the story really well. It made sense for her to die really because it showed how the Sevenfold murders could never really be repeated again and that now the repetition had ended with Eugenie being caught, she sort of had to die. It doesnít seem to make sense there, but it did in my head. :P

The scene with Victoire and Dominique had such a surreal feel to it and it really showed Louisís detachment from the world really well and yeah it was just great. Gah, I canít seem to explain myself here but what I mean to say is the way you contrasted what they thought normality was to Louisís normality was really great.

The courtroom scene broke my heart because it really showed us why Eugenie did what she did and her motives behind it all but they just didnít want to listen, sort of like when Harry was in court. Admittedly, she had killed 5 people and almost killed a sixth but she just seemed so lost and frail there and I wanted to hug her. Is the sixth victim Louis then? Iím probably really far off it, but itís just what makes sense in my head really.

The ending! ♥ Wow that was so haunting with the way Eugenie had calmly accepted the fact these memories would never fade and would never let her go. It was even worse than with Ada because at least Ada achieved her goal, whereas with Eugenie she never killed her father so she must feel somewhat unfulfilled in a way. It just left me with so many mixed feelings because there was Louis being all cute and supporting Eugenie which made me warm to her, but she was a murderer so I didnít want to in a way, then there was the hint of darkness form Louis when he said he almost wished it was Emily who had been the murderer still. But all of that was so realistic so naturally perfect and I really enjoyed reading this!

This was such a fantastic story and great read, and congrats again on finishing it! :D

-Kiana

Ooh and thank you for the shout-out!

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Review #2, by patronus_charm in the dark, count mistakes

9th July 2014:
Yay a new chapter! :D

Woah, woah, woah, so much to deal with! I loved the beginning bit and seeing how Ada survived by changing her appearance as I had been wondering how no one realised she had survived and Ruth had died in her place so that was a cool twist, but the next one was an even bigger on! I really loved that talk, because it just revealed so much and was just so woah. I liked the fact that Ada cared for the girl and wanted her to think of her soul and if she was destroying herself rather than egging her on as that showed she still had a heart. The girl seemed so fragile and scared though I just wanted to hug her even if she was a murderer. Hm, Iím guessing either Eugenie or Emily as they seem obvious, but I still think it could be Molly too.

Aw, poor Louis finding that out when he arrived, I hope he succeeds in tracking her down as it would hurt his ego if he didnít, but given as it seems as if the person who is the murderer is someone he knows, itís going to hurt a lot when he finds them too.

Woah, woah, woah, so dramatic (yes Iím reviewing as I go a long in case you havenít guessed :P)ok, I was actually leaning more towards my guess rather than who it was (I donít want to spoil it for reviewers) but now I feel so stupid because the Unbreakable Vow Neville made really stood out to me, but I completely forgot to remember it but now it makes so much, so much sense! The backstory to her is so, so, so sad and really brought tears to my eyes, poor, poor girl, I just want to hug her.

As for the sixth, Louis maybe? I donít know, Iím just too excited about knowing everything now to think about that person, but this was such a great chapter I canít wait to see what happens next now!

-Kiana
House Cup 2014 Review!

Author's Response: Hello! :D

Ahh, yes so much happened!! I'm so glad you liked that twist and how Ada is actually the old woman and has been alive all this time. I was so excited to reveal the details of it and how much all of her experiences continued to define and identify Ada even when she was posing as Ruth. She never got over it. I'm glad you liked their interaction: it was so important because I had to show that they actually were very familiar with one another, so I'm pleased you liked how kind Ada was to the girl.

Yes, exactly! Haha, I'm glad you were reviewing as you read because it built up the suspense even more in a way. The whole scene with Louis running through the Ministry was so frustrating for me to even write haha, also because I knew his heart would be shattered when he found her. :(

The most drama! Ahh, I'm so glad you liked how the pieces and clues fit together! Really the fact that he was her father was the pivotal clue that made all the pieces fit but they were quite sneaky. I love how you felt sad for her even though she was a murderer, I do as well as I was quite attached to her.

Ooh, interesting thought about the sixth... to be honest it never really gets fully stated who the sixth would have been, only alluded to, since if Louis knew the truth it would be too horrible to know... so it's sort of up to the reader to decide.

Thanks so much for the amazing review Kiana!! ♥ I loved getting all your thoughts and reactions - you're the best. The very last chapter just got put into the queue!! :)


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Review #3, by Red_headed_juliet in the dark, count mistakes

8th July 2014:
Woo hoo!! I knew it. +] Haha. I didn't even notice the anagram. Cool!

I think this was a very fitting resolution, though I do feel very bad for Louis in all this. Hopefully he and Emily will get to holding hands next chapter. +] Progress is progress, after all. +]

I'm glad that Neville ended up practically not involved at all. Unwittingly throwin into a revenge plot for a vow he made at Hogwarts makes much more sense. Very in canon with his luck.

I did't see anything as far as CC. The resolution with Ada, and the reconciling with the ghosts of her past was just as satisfying as the identity of the sevenfold killer copycat.

The mystery was very well put together, and I was still doubting whether or not Eugunie was the killer, because you did leave room for it to be someone else.

Whew. Thank you for a wonderful story!

House Cup 2014

Author's Response: Hello!

You totally knew it!! Haha, I was so excited when you figured it all out and put the pieces together, it was awesome.

Louis is sort of a huge victim in this since not only was he falling for her, but he's personally and professionally implicated. She basically played him, even if her feelings grew for him by the end. I think the way he reacts in the final chapter must surprise or upset people, I'm almost a little nervous to post it.

Yes, Neville was really just a victim of circumstance. He made a lot of sense with motive and it was logical to frame him, and yes he has always been very unlucky.

I'm pleased you liked Ada's ending! It was very sad for me to say goodbye to her but her time had come, and it was a relief for her to finally die after unloading the final secret.

Thank you!! I'm so glad you liked the mystery, I loved writing it and learned a lot. I've truly loved each of your incredible reviews on this. ♥ The final chapter should be up this week!! :D


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Review #4, by Dirigible_Plums no brighter light than the look in her eyes

3rd July 2014:
BTW LOUIS & EMILY FOREVER, LOUIS GET AWAY FROM EUGENIE

Author's Response: Hehehehhe.

So many people seem to have this same reaction?!! What is Eugenie doing wrong?? :P


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Review #5, by Dirigible_PLums no brighter light than the look in her eyes

3rd July 2014:
Going to kick off the review by announcing that I am shocked that this doesn't have more reviews, even ones that just say that this is amazing. I mean, I don't know how many reads this has gotten so it might be insanely popular but you know- review people! (That being said, this is my first review for this story mainly bc I read fanfics on my phone and reviewing on my phone is such an exhausting process. Sorryyy)

So basically, I really like the plot. I love the idea of a sevenfold killer and the fact that there's a copycat decades later. Learning about Ada's story and following Louis through his is an interesting process. As for her title,the "sevenfold" killer and the links to God whose hand led her and God who cursed Caleb "sevenfold"- yeah, I saw them. Well, I think there was a link there. Not an important one or anything but you know, biblical and stuff...Just ignore all of that actually *shies away*

JUST GOING TO THROW IT OUT THERE THAT I GUESSED THAT ADA DIDN'T REALLY DIE BEFORE YOU REVEALED IT.

Anyways, thank you for writing from Louis' perspective. As much as I love my Albus, Louis is a much more preferable narrator (?) for it. I'm also glad you didn't opt for the James option. I like your spin on the next gen characters that we've seen so far. Louis, Dominique, Victoire, James and Molly all don't stray towards the usual cliches and manage to be really realistic as well. I can imagine them all like that.

I also think that "Taryntula" is hilarious. My sister is called Tarin and I call her Taryntula sometimes to annoy her now so thank you for that :). I also love reading Steak. I mean, he annoys me just as much as he annoys Louis but Louis' reaction to him is just classic.

Waiting for the next chapter
10/10

Dirigible_Plums x

Author's Response: Hello! :D

Wow, if only you could know how happy seeing this made me! You are awesome, you know that? It really means so much to know somebody out there is reading and enjoying this story, whether or not they have the time to review, but this really means so much. I'm totally the same, I read a lot on my phone so don't review as much as I should. :(

I'm so excited that you like this! It was such a joy to write and develop and hearing that you like how everything ties together is just lovely. Ah, I love how you noticed the Cain and Abel reference! It's a sneaky reference that isn't really mentioned in the story but completely applies and was one of the quiet ties into literature and culture. Ada is quite like Cain in that she's a murderer, but nobody can kill her - something keeps her alive, and it's arguable that it's some sort of divine mark, even if she's miserable for it. I'm not sure if anybody has noticed, but each of the pairs of victims ties into the seven deadly sins as well - i.e. Umbridge and Madame la Douloureuse are linked with greed, the seventh victim with lust, etc. :P So I love how you picked up on the cursed sevenfold reference! :D

Hehe you are so clever - I love that! :D It was fun to surprise people with that revelation but it's awesome that you noticed as I was wondering if anybody else would put the pieces together.

I love Louis too! And he was perfect for this story whereas James wouldn't have fit the role quite as well. Thank you, it means a lot to know you like how I wrote the next gen characters - Dom and James are my favourites in this story especially and it's really flattering to know you found them realistic.

Haha! Aw, poor Tarin... sorry about that. :P I think I would hate Steak if he was real but he's so hilarious to write and irritating Louis is just such a fun pastime. I really want to write a side-story featuring Dom and Steak because they would just be so entertaining.

I just put the next chapter into the queue - I really hope you like the big reveal! :D It was so nerve-wracking to post it but quite exciting to finally solve the mystery.

Thanks so much! ♥ I really loved this review so much! :)


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Review #6, by patronus_charm no brighter light than the look in her eyes

27th June 2014:
Hi again!

Ok, Iím so sorry for how bad this review is going to be but I need to sleep but I also need to read and review this amazing chapter, so yeah :P Woah the first section was so haunting as usual, and just general wonderful with such vivid description it really had me fearing for my life that death was going to get to me then.

I have a bad feeling about Eugenie. I think it was the comment at the end of the last chapter about her getting into the killerís mind which set me off as it made me wonder if she was a killer from experience and then this kiss just freaked me out. Iím not sure, but I just have bad vibes about the whole thing. Iím not sure if she is the killer, but I just donít think Louis should get too close as it just sounds so bad. Yeah, run, Louis, run!

Haha, I loved Aunt Ginny and how she couldnít say their proper names, it made me laugh so much with the way she was still stuck in her old ways in some respects. I also loved Dom, James and Louisís banter and they should just have more scenes together purely because they make an awesome trio.

No, it canít be Emily. It just canít be. But Iím still stuck for who the killer could be. I donít think itís Eugenie even though I have weird vibes, Emily just seems too sweet, maybe Iíll be out there and put a guess on Ginny? I think the person must have done their research before though because like Ada/Ruth said they were one step ahead, so perhaps Molly in that aspect. Or Hugo or Rose being Hermioneís children they would have a reason to kill those people and the skill for research.

Ah, I just donít know! I canít wait for the next chapter though :D

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi Kiana! :)

No way this review was amazing, I keep coming back to re-read it! :P I'm glad you liked the first section and the descriptions, it really is getting more and more spooky.

Ooh, interesting feeling there! Yes, Louis is falling quite fast and is rather infatuated with Eugenie, though that could be a good or a bad thing depending on how everything goes down. :P

Haha, I imagined Ginny turned out a bit like Molly where she's very loving but also quite stubborn about what she thinks is right and wrong. I loved writing the three of them as well! Dom and James especially ended up being minor characters in this story who I got quite attached to.

Hmm, yes well the killer definitely planned everything out very well and is also a bit of a stickler to doing things right and routine. I love hearing all your theories, they are awesome and you're definitely onto something.

Thanks so much for following this story and such a great review, Kiana! :D


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Review #7, by patronus_charm everything that happened, everything you saw

27th June 2014:
Wah, I will catch up on all your storiesÖ someday :P

What? Whaaat? No. I did not see that coming at all. At first I was like ooh this is so cool we get to see the background to Adaís death and her final moments so we can really understand her and see whether she was still glad she committed those crimes but then we find out that Adaís alive and Ruthís the one whoís died but sheís just stole Ruthís identity. I definitely did not call that. Wah, this means when they go and meet Ruth they meet Ada, who might be the actual killer. Ok, this has just reached a whole new level of interesting!

Who Dracoís alive! This could potentially reveal something about who the murderer is and what their motive could be and I have a feeling it might. Also, I wonder if the murderer will try and strike again and really kill him off that time? Again, I have to say I really admire how you can flip from the drama of that to the light hearted sort of banter with him and Dom and Alfie and itís just really amazing!

Woah the talk with Ruth/Ada/who knows :p was so creepy and scary and has made me paranoid of everyone, even Louis could he have a dual personality and this is his nice side and then he could have a creepy killer one too. Hmm, Emily? Iím not sure as I just love Neville as heís so cute so I canít let myself think that his daughter could kill but maybe. It certainly made me worried about the sixth and the seventh kills and what the motive could be for them though.

Ah, I think I have to ignore my wish to sleep and read on as Iím so excited to find out what happens next :D

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hello!! :)

Haha, I update way too often for anybody to keep up completely, but you do an amazing job of it and leaving me all these lovely reviews! ♥

Hehehe, I was so excited to see what people might think of Ada being alive! I was wondering if anybody would figure it out from the first interpretation of the scene since it was told from a different POV. And yes, Ada being alive possibly makes her a little suspicious.

Yes! The killer is getting a little sloppy in this case, and possibly a bit desperate. Aw, thank you! I'm really pleased you like the additions of humour as it keeps the story more fun in some ways and is quite fun to write the banter.

Hahaha, hmm well Louis is one theory I haven't heard before! The sixth and seventh especially reveal quite a bit about who the killer is, and the motives themselves are very important.

Hehe, thank you so much, Kiana! :D


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Review #8, by Red_headed_juliet no brighter light than the look in her eyes

26th June 2014:
No Louis! Don't fall for it! Gah! (And I think her lip twitched because she feels just a little bad for the forgery thing. It weighs on her serial killer guilty conscious) Gah, when will you see Louis! EMILY IS THE ONE YOU SHOULD BE TRYING TO KISS, NOT THE PSYCHO!

No. I refuse to believe it's Emily. Though I am interested in what Molly had to say to Bones, and why she thought Louis wouldn't believe her. I'm a little worried, because I'm thinking the next victim will be 'the soldier' who was Erik, the one that Ada feels bad about killing. She went to school with him, and I'm a little worried that Bones might try to kill him next. I could be off, but I worry.

Oh, nice detail with the whole vomiting slugs thing. At least he finally got his revenge. +] Dom isn't so bad when she isn't being impetuous. She's actually kinda growing on me. Steak's gotta go though. *shakes head*

I cannot wait for the metaphorical excrement hitting the imaginary fan. I shall try to be patient. +]

Author's Response: Hello again!! Hehe, but Eugenie's so pretty and he likes her! :P

Very interesting. Erik is definitely very important and who he matches up with for the new killer is a huge detail which has been hinted at, but I don't think it will really be clear until the killer is revealed.

Haha yes! I was sad Ron couldn't fit into this story more but that was a fun detail. I'm glad you like Dom - if not Steak haha, he would be so annoying as a real person for sure.

I'm putting the next chapter up very shortly so hopefully it will be up soon - I'm so excited to see what you think, and if readers will be surprised or not!!! :D Thank you so much as always, your support on this story is simply amazing!


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Review #9, by Red_headed_juliet everything that happened, everything you saw

26th June 2014:
SHE'S FRAMING HER! Last chapter you described Eugines handwriting as messy script, and Emily's name is written the same way. She picked Louis to be her partner because she thought he sucked since he hasn't been on the case and expected him to follow her lead and only listen to what she said. It's her. I'm like 80% sure. She got mad about her dad and came back to kill him, but that would be too obvious so she's been killing people before the important one to try and deflect blame. Also the she thing. And she could get into that killed head because she had instincts for it. Realized he hated his mom because she would kill her dad. Man, I need more! I gotta know! Ravenclaws don't deal with ignorance well.

Author's Response: Hehehehe. Can I just say that this review and the first sentence especially made me so happy because I love the degree to which you've noticed little details and pieced a theory together?!

So much awesome! Well, I can't approve or disprove your theory either way of course, but the next chapter will be up very soon! :D Thanks so much for reviewing! ♥


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Review #10, by Red_headed_juliet gone away, i watched you disappear

26th June 2014:
Hello! I didn't have time to review when I first read this so I came back. +) I strongly remember my first reaction being "what!? They can't take me of the case!" Lol. Poor Emily. And Neville. I don't know, I'm kinda starting to think something may be up with bones, if Ada really has had anything to do with these, and I think she has, she'd need an accomplice. Someone a little more able bodied. Just an idea. And not being able to talk about it? Sounds like dark magic to me...

Haha. Steak. Unicorns. Just ask of that was really funny. Again, I like the way you of set the serious and anxious parts with humour. It's a nice balance, otherwise i think all the death and stuff would start to really drag the mood and tone down.


I'm going to go ahead and read on! Hopefully after the cup there will be more +) Unless this is the end. That would make me sad though.

Author's Response: Hola!! :)

I know, I felt so bad doing this to the Longbottoms, but Neville does look a little sketchy right now so Louis didn't have much of a choice to turn him in. And yes, Ada herself is quite old and weak now so it's tricky to tell. Dark magic could very potentially be involved...

I'm so pleased you liked Steak and Dom, they are so funny to write and I'm glad people are liking them. Exactly, I think I needed the humour for my own sanity as well as Louis', even if Steak being there does add to his stress levels.

There will always be more... well, until Chapter 12 is posted. :P Thanks so much for the lovely review! :D


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Review #11, by patronus_charm gone away, i watched you disappear

25th June 2014:
Whoo, Iím nearly caught up :D

Woah, Ada was really creepy in the first section. Creepy in a good way mind as it was really interesting to get into the murdererís psyche just before theyíre about to commit the crime, but it did make me fear her a little there.

Ok, I admit I never thought about the Barty/Neville connection until it was pointed out in the courtroom so him being the actual murderer is a smidgen more likely, but Iím still not buying it. It would just seem to obvious more than anything, but you could be bluffing us with that :P I felt so bad for him though as you did such a great job of showing his nerves that I began to feel all scared for him too. I really wonder what information he found out though and whether it related to the killer or not.

Yay we met Dom and Steak! I loved the two of them as they just cracked me up so much and seemed to go so well together. I especially loved the reason for why they got arrested and I really think they should team up with Thackeray as they would make a formidable team with all three of them fighting for eco-magical rights.

Whoo, I sort of got it right with Draco as he is dead now. With him and Goyle being murdered, I definitely think it was someone who went to Hogwarts with them whoís the murderer. Maybe itís Ernie MacMillan as he did randomly get angry now and then? Either way, this plot is just getting more and more intriguing and I canít wait to find out more :D

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hello again!! :D

She is quite frightening when she's ready to commit a murder, and that's the side of Ada that scares me more and was harder to write.

Haha, well I'm glad you're loyal to Neville even if the characters aren't being! He looks quite bad right now because of the potential motives but that doesn't mean anything necessarily, the story is nowhere near finished. :P The information that he knows is sort of the turning clue in the story, but I can't say more than that. Louis has no idea either at this point.

I'm so glad you liked them! :D I love writing the two of them, they're so funny and I really want to feature them in their own story at some point, hehe. Steak would annoy me so much if he was a real person but he's quite entertaining as a character. Haha, you're so right - though I bet Steak and Thackeray would butt heads a bit. :P

Ooh, interesting observation there! :P Hmm...

Haha, I'm sorry these responses are so cryptic, I'm trying not to give much away while not shutting down any theories. :P

Thanks so much again, Kiana! It means so much to get your feedback on this story!


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Review #12, by patronus_charm unchain my heart, let me be

25th June 2014:
Hi!

Wah, I think I just wanted to cry throughout the first section! You really caught the post-war feeling disbelief I always associate with the end of WWII, so even though I should be feeling jubilation I just couldnít because of the horror of it. It was even worse when they got to the prison and we found out about Ada. That was so horrible to see her frail and tiny body just lying there, thank god Ruth was there at least so she could be honoured.

Ok, so I was wrong about Draco being killed, but Thicknesse does make sense. Itís Goyle that interests me though as he was never really a proper Death Eater, even less of one than Draco as his father wasnít important nor did he have the same amount of connections. This is making me think this person is really, really ruthless or wants something covered up. Iím opting for more of the ruthless side if it is like the sevenfold killers so it must have been someone affected by them deeply, maybe Andromeda or Teddy? I donít know this is so hard!

OMG. Itís all linking up!!! Yay!!! Ruth is alive!! This is way too exciting as itís living history and we get to find out more about Ada. Ahaha, this is so cool, sorry Iím getting a little carried away by this :P

Ooh, I liked learning more about Eugenie, it was really cool and I want to know more! Ah, what is this about Neville being arrested? He canít be, heís Neville and cute and everything. Maybe it was McLaggen who did it? Ah, donít say there were so many clues because now Iím feeling as if Iím missing something big as I donít have a definite killer.

A great chapter :D

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hola!!

Aw, thank you! I'm glad the horror of it came through and that it felt realistic for the time. It is so horrible to think about those events, and I'm glad I have Louis' lightheartedness to balance out the story because otherwise I probably would have just been full of sad emotions for the month of April. The death scene was so sad and horrible to write as well.

Well you know by now that Draco isn't such a bad guess. :P Yeah, Goyle being killed could be a sign of the new killer grasping at straws a little bit, or perhaps something else for a more personal reason, hmm.

Hehe yes!! I was so excited to reveal that Ruth was alive and was wondering if anybody would notice it before. It's so exciting to have her finally revealed.

I'm glad you like learning about Eugenie, she has a really interesting history and I wish I could dedicate a whole story to just her! Poor Neville, I know. :( But he is looking a bit suspicious at the moment!

Thanks so much, Kiana! ♥


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Review #13, by patronus_charm ember in your name

23rd June 2014:
Jenna you are an updating queen, so sorry for these short by my standards reviews as itís the only way to catch up :P

Ooh, getting into Adaís mind was really interesting and I liked how you made her have a reason for each murder. Yes, it didnít justify them as Iím always against murder no matter what, but it did make me understand her a little more and that was really important so I could carry on liking her so whoo for that.

I like that the sevenfold idea is developing because it would be cool albeit in a twisted way if that was the case. I wonder if Harry not taking it as seriously as the others will affect the case or not. Hmm, I hope it doesnít. Yay for the hint of Scorose as youíve always got to love them, and I think that indicator about Scorpius and Draco being worried about it shows that Draco isnít the murderer unless this is a clever ploy.

Whoo for Nana Molly, she was fab! I loved learning more about all the history and stuff as well as it was really cool and I hope more comes soon as I have a feeling that everything is a lot more interlinked that I previously thought.

Woah the ending was dramatic with some lovely tension between Emily and Louis maybe it will finally help give them a nudge to get together? And another murder! Iím guessing Draco because it would make sense that he would die in my head for some unknown reason, so Iíll just read on and see!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi Kiana! Oh no way, you're a reviewing queen haha. I'm excited to catch up on all your lovely reviews again - thanks so much for coming by, it means so much to me!

I'm glad you like Ada and this helped you to understand her a little bit. She's not a bad person, not at all, though I'm a bit conflicted too as I don't condone murder either. But it's tricky to know for sure.

Yes, the sevenfold idea is starting to tie together! Scorose was going to be a bigger part but I just didn't have room to develop them further, but they're part of my head canon now so had to reference it. :P Draco's a slimy one, and definitely has some form of significance whether minor or major - though I can't say more than that. :P

Aw yay, I'm so glad you liked Nana Molly! She's so lovely to write and I just adore her as a character so showing her as a grandma was quite fun. I'm loving seeing your thought process with the mystery and how things are intertwined, it's so exciting for me to see if the clues I planted and everything are working.

Hehe, maybe! :P Although Louis should be concentrating on the murderer, not on romance, silly boy that he is. Interesting theory there!

Thanks so much for the amazing review, Kiana! ♥


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Review #14, by Aphoride everything that happened, everything you saw

22nd June 2014:
Hey there! So I felt a bit bad that I've been reading this all the way along, but I've never really reviewed, so I decided to drop by on this chapter :)

Firstly, I loved the section with Ada at the beginning. Honestly, I did not see that coming at all - you completely confused me with the whole thing, haha, with Ruth not moving and I was so sure she was dead and then unsure because 'of course she survives, duh' and then you hit me with this ;) I like it, though - how she wants a new identity, and how she at least makes sure that Ruth gets buried nicely and people remember Ada while Ruth lives. It's a nice sort of compromise for both of them, if that makes sense?

Ah, Louis and his dysfunctional family always make me laugh! I love how hippie-ish Dominique and Steak (which is still one of the best OC names I've ever heard!) are, and the whole thing about using only natural products and all... you put enough of the detail in there to make it work, but not too much that it's overloading. And James. I adore your James. He's just so real, you know? Like he seems like someone I could actually meet in real life. Shame I can't really :P

Is it weird to say that I'm glad Draco's alive? Hehe, probably. But no, I'm loving the mystery. You manage to get so many details in that I feel as though I should know who it is, though I really have no idea. I find Eugenie Bones incredibly suspicious, and Molly a bit, and Emily a little... so yeah, no real idea :P But I like that! I shouldn't know yet, haha. Louis' conversation with Ada (Ruth? ;D) was great - I like the idea that she's trying to give him some kind of advice about what to do and how to solve it, even though she says 'I don't really know'.

The details and writing in this were wonderful as always. I'm so so excited for the next few chapters - to find out what happened with Erik and the sixth murders, and more clues! :D

I still love this story :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey Aph! :)

You are so sweet - I had no idea you were reading this story but hearing all this just makes me so excited. Thanks for taking the time to leave a review, I really appreciate it! :D

Hehe, I was so excited to see how people might react to the identity trick and if I fooled anyone. And yes, I think that's how Ada sees it - she has a lot of guilt but at the same time she wants a new identity for herself beyond being the sevenfold killer, and so she seizes her chance. This also let me delay a little bit from keeping Louis and the reader from figuring out that Ada herself might still be around.

I love writing his crazy family too! :P They're so funny. Steak and this characterization of Dominique was actually stolen from one of my other stories but I loved them so much that couldn't resist shuffling them into this one. I'm glad it wasn't too much though. :P Ah, I feel that way about James too, somehow! He's so off the wall but realistic. I was originally going to write the story from James' POV but so glad I kept him as a minor character instead, because he's way more fun to write from an outsider's POV.

Haha, nah... Draco's more amusing alive than dead, really. :P And the sevenfold is starting to slip up a bit. Ooh, interesting theories you've got there! I love hearing people's suspicions, and Ada ("Ruth") does want to help out, in her strange way...

I'm so excited to post the next chapter and for you to read them! :D Especially when the murderer is finally revealed, it's going to be so fun to see what everybody thinks. *evil author laugh*

Thanks so much for the beautiful review, my dear, and I hope you keep enjoying the story! :) ♥


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Review #15, by TidalDragon all dead hearts to you

18th June 2014:
Howdy Jenna! Sorry for the delay. Life got busy fast personally and professionally, but I've had a chance to get this far by now.

I thought that despite the presence of a couple typos, Ada's section was the strongest in this chapter. I don't think there's much to worry about in terms of the descriptions. Though they are certainly much weightier than those you use in other sections, that seems appropriate for the intensity of Ada's character and the mood that you are conveying in those scenes as it tends to slow things down a bit and magnify it nicely. The only description that did seem a bit off to me was the end, where you laid out how the ribbon was tied around Gottschalk's neck. You ended up saying it was around his neck, but the beginning of the description mentioned it being on his chest and it was a bit confusing. I'm a bit tired, admittedly, but I didn't think hair ribbons were quite so long.

As for the characterization, Ada's intensity and focus came through clearly here. This is obviously her first taste of revenge, but you did a good job highlighting that she is going to relish it going forward as the "sevenfold killer" and I thought you handled her first killing nicely. It was definitely a well-done touch that her first attempt at the Killing Curse was ineffective.

With Louis, I think you're doing fine with him as a male narrator. Granted, I always take the approach in writing and reviewing that unless you're really aiming at it, gender shouldn't be that crucial to a characterization because hey, we're all people ultimately. But I don't think you've had him do anything that seems uncharacteristic for a male character. The only thing I could possibly mention, and it's not terribly noticeable, but he does seem to cast his eyes around the ladies a bit, which I'm not entirely sure seems to mesh with the rest of his personality.

The build-up of the mystery did feel a bit slow here, but I think it's necessary. In any mystery you have to leave the breadcrumbs about without making it too obvious - because who wants to read a predictable mystery? Assuming some of the little tidbits I notice prove either relevant or delightfully executed red herrings, I think you'll be fine in the end.

Information dump? Yes and no. As I read, I actually thought some of the little tidbits you threw in were delightful interjections (Malfoy losing his clothes on the way to his vault for example). But others were a bit heavy. It's hard to judge one chapter in isolation, but unless James and Dominique will be important (or the aspects of them you highlighted in scenes here will be) some of that probably could be cut down.

All in all thought, still thoroughly enjoyable, and I look forward to getting caught up (as I miss my deadline by a minute or two here...)!

Author's Response: Hi TD! :) Thanks so much for the thorough review, I really appreciate it!

Those darn typos, how do they keep evading me?! I think I have a bit of a blind spot for this story, haha. I'm glad you liked Ada's section and the heavy descriptions, and I agree they fit the mood of her part and what is going on in the story. Ah, I'm going to fix the ribbon thing now!

Fixed! Im glad you like her characterization as well, and I thought it fit with her that her very first try at the Killing Curse wouldn't work, despite the fact that she truly does hate him and has every intent to kill him. It showed how she's a little insecure girl still, not truly a natural killer.

I'm glad you like Louis! I definitely know what you mean, though I do hope that if somebody was reading Louis' scenes without knowing his name they would be able to identify him as a guy. He is quite interested in girls and how they interact with him, although I do imagine him as being a bit insecure and not necessarily having that much actual luck with the girls. :P I'm glad you're noticing that though - one thing I wanted to show about Louis is that once he likes somebody, he really likes them, but he's also willing to toy with girls emotions without really realizing it.

Hehe, this is full of red herrings. I'm glad you think the slow build-up is good, especially in the opening chapters. Later the murders become a little more common and I think the story takes on a different tone so it was fun leaving some clues.

Hmm, I'm going to look into this a bit about the information dump. I don't think the background information was as bad in the later chapters - especially the ones I still have to post - but I'll see if these can be edited down at all. Both James and Dominique are big presences in Louis' life, but I'll see if anything is unnecessary and could be taken out. :)

Thanks so much for the very helpful review! :) I really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment on the story! :D


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Review #16, by Red_headed_juliet unchain my heart, let me be

9th June 2014:
I had so many audible reactions my husband made me explain the entire story. Haha!

At first I was a little sad, because I thought there wouldn't be any Ada, and then... THAT happened!! It's so simple, so brilliant! (Also, I'd like to bring up that I did say the little old lady was suspicious. BOO YAH!)

Anyways.

I'm not certain on who is doing what, though I suspect Neville the least of all of them. It just... well... no. (Denial? Possibly.) I'm not even sure if we've met the killer yet.

I see the relationship with Bones is progressing... :grumble: I still have faith in you Emily, don't worry. *crosses fingers*

Needless to say, I can't wait for another chapter. Things are getting serious, and everything so far has been a treat.

Sorry this is mostly squeeing, but there are only so many comments to make about all the things you do right. +]

OH, favorite line: "I got (pooped) on three times..." Hilarious. I always wondered about that.

I technically only have one more review left to give before the prize runs out, but I'll try to review as I have time as I read the rest of this.

Until next time!

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Haha, that's awesome! :) The story is getting quite eventful so that makes me quite happy to hear, hehe.

You were so right about the old lady being suspicious, I remember being excited when you said that in the past review. I'm glad you liked the way that scene was written, it was a little different but quite crucial to the story as well that it was told that way.

Maybe a bit of denial about Neville, but I wouldn't want him to be the guilty one either. I love hearing your theories though! And yeah, well Emily has good reason (sort of) to be a bit miffed at Louis right now, I love how you're shipping them though! It's so fun because different reviewers have different opinions and I love hearing them.

Right?! Maybe the Great Hall is spelled so the owls' droppings bounce off or disappear or something, but it seems like accidents would happen.

I'm so glad you're enjoying the story, and as much as I adore your reviews it means even more that you just want to read it at all! :) Thanks so much for all your thoughtful observations and squee-ing - every time I've gotten a review it just makes my day! :) ♥


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Review #17, by The Misfit ember in your name

1st June 2014:
WOAH.

Jenna, how?! How are you such a talented author? I'm sitting here completely blown away, and I'm starting to reconsider my decision to read half this novel in one go because I have no idea where to start -- there's just so much that I want to say, and I blame it all on your wondrous story-telling skills. Where do you get your talent from, Jenna? :P

Louis' POV is quite interesting -- you seem to have really gotten the hang of writing from a male POV while not taking it to extremes. Despite the fact that I'm really iffy about his using Lucretia like that, I really like him; he's an extremely well-developed character with excellent, realistic reasons for doing what he does (even if I don't personally agree with them). I love his analytical mind, considering each suspect one by one. I'm slightly disappointed though that there doesn't seem to be one particular person who appears to be likely of being the murder, but it's entirely possible that there could be clues that need viewing in a different context. Gah.

The way you've created a whole work environment at the Ministry is amazing. You've given each of the Weasleys very distinct placements in the Ministry hierarchy, and it works. I particularly loved the reference to Lucius taking a goblin to court because of what happened to his clothing -- SO funny! You include wonderful references to the books, such as the Thieves' Downfall and Frank and Alice's "mysterious" condition, which gives the reader a sense that this novel really does meld in with what we know about the Potterverse.

I love Emily. She's the character that I identify most with, if I'm honest -- yet, despite the hints of Louis/Emily that I'm picking up from the prose, I'm shipping Louis/Eugenie. Which I consider a bad thing for my feels, because Eugenie's such a mysterious character. Who is her father? That question's been plaguing me ever since the beginning of the story, and I'm really hoping that it gets answered in future chapters. (Who is Eugenie's faceclaim in your banner, btw? She's so pretty!) I can't help but be distrustful of Eugenie, yet I want to believe in her because of her war-afflicted childhood, her absent father and her struggles with being a self-assured young woman in a predominantly male environment.

Which leads me to another note -- I am loving your use of feminism in this story! It's manifesting itself in different ways and forms, and I love it. From Ada being a girl instead of a boy (particularly in the 40s), Emily, Eugenie and Ermengarde following their dreams and being Aurors despite the fact most Aurors are male, and Victoire's campaigning for womens' rights -- it's all fabulous and I applaud you for bringing those things to the second-forefront of this story (the forefront, of course, being the murders). I wonder if Victoire's campaigns will lose publicity in the wake of Umbridge's death, since Umbridge appears to have been the woman Victoire had released from Azkaban into a care home, unless that was a concidence...

OH, WAIT. NO. NO. VICTOIRE IS THE MURDERER. Obviously, in order to help get Umbridge out of Azkaban (who would want her released?!) she had access to Azkaban to kill Barty. And then, being an intelligent woman according to the other characters, she would have planned in advance that Azkaban's security would have tightened up after Barty's murder, so she had Umbridge released to a care home where she could target her more easily. And if anyone saw her, she could pretend to be there visiting her grandparents (it makes sense, really, because no sane person would allow Umbridge in the same building as their poor grandparents) and OH OH OH that's why Harry is so uncomfortable about loaning his Invisibility Cloak to someone! Maybe because it was Victoire! She wasn't mentioned as being on the list (and you'd think being Harry Potter's niece she'd have motive to kill the Death Eater who brought Voldemort back) so maybe she asked Harry to borrow the cloak so that she could interview Umbridge or something... and of course, Ada Treuherzig must be some kind of idol for feminists, because a girl -- particularly an underage girl -- killing seven of Grindewald's followers would have been accoladed through history.

JENNA. YOU MUST TELL ME IF I AM RIGHT. PLEAAASE. ♥

This story was wonderful, completely and utterly blowing me away. I love how you established Zauberei Dorf -- I never really thought about wizarding cities, but given that Germany and most other countries are bigger than the UK, it would make sense to have cities and not villages. The way you've crafted the WWII aspects is beautiful, and in the 21st century, the murder investigation is fabulously complex and even seconds after declaring with excitement that Victoire is the murderer, I'm doubting myself. Please, Jenna. Please TELL ME ♥

There is only one criticism I have with this story, and it's relatively mild -- it's the fact that the story is told in present tense, and occasionally you slip back into past tense. It mostly occurs when you're transitioning back into present tense after filling in some background information, but it pops up here and there too. I know that the whole 60k was written in a month (seriously, I applaud you for the millionth time on that) and that you're on your travels right now (how are they going, by the way?) but perhaps when you get home, you could take a look at your tenses so that it helps the story to flow better. (I typed that as "follow" the first time around, and spent five minutes wondering why it appeared so wrong. *facepalm*)

Superb work, Jenna. I really need to start reading more of your work, (sorry!) but I have to say that in terms of characterization and plot, this just may be your best yet.



PS: Oh, and the recurring feminism in the story is hinting at Victoire's involvement because she views Ada as a role model! Yes! Yes? Maybe?

Author's Response: Isobel! ♥ Ahh, this review is so amazing, and I'm so excited that you read the whole story and liked it. :D I love your work and really value your opinion, and it means so much!

Ah, you're just too sweet! :) This story was my baby for April so getting such lovely feedback on it makes me such a happy parent. ♥

Okay I'm really glad you like how Louis is written! It became easier to write him as I kept going, though I did want to make him seem believable despite not knowing what it's like to be inside a boy's head. Yeah, Lucretia... well, nobody is perfect, and even the nice guys might be tempted when they're getting away with stuff like that.

I'm glad you like the placement of the Weasleys in the Ministry and how they all fit into the wizarding government structure. It's quite interesting to imagine all their careers and how they might tie into one another, like with Molly and Louis and when they get to work together. And thank you! I love writing fanfiction partly because the Potterverse is so diverse and interesting, and it's really fun tying in those details. Hahaha, I almost want to write a separate one-shot talking about the Malfoy clothing incident. :P

Ah, I love hearing not only that you identify with Emily - I find her quite relatable as well, and she's so pleasant - but also that you're shipping Louis/Eugenie. Yay! The faceclaim for Eugenie is Katie McGrath, she is so pretty but also has that mysterious air and looks quite similar to how I picture Eugenie in my head, though Eugenie isn't quite as glamourous. I do love her as a character, so it's good that you're asking questions! :)

I love you so much for mentioning the feminism. It sort of snuck in there and while this isn't a feminist story, specifically, it has a lot of messages about my opinions of the position of women in places of power. Feminism is very close to my heart so it's important to portray women properly in my stories.

Ahahaha, well of course I can't tell you, but your theory is BRILLIANT. Muaha. This is the exact type of chain thinking, where everything links together, that will reveal the murderer - and whether it's Victoire or not, well, I shall not say any more. ;)

Hehehehe.

I originally had Ada's scenes taking place in Berlin, but it made more sense to set up an individual wizarding space for Grindelwald to rule over instead of mixing more with the Muggles. It's sort of a village-town hybrid really, since the wizarding population isn't huge, but gave a good landscape for Ada to interact in. I'm so pleased you like how the historical aspects tie in, it's such an interesting time and I love writing it despite the challenges.

You're so right about the tenses, urgh. I'm the laziest of editors, but now that I'm home I'm going to comb over it and try and pick out the typos because who needs them. :P

Thank you so much for this amazing review, my dear! :D It really made my day to hear all your thoughts and theories, you're the best! :) ♥



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Review #18, by patronus_charm something in the way she moves

26th May 2014:
Hi Jenna!

Madame la Douleureuse did sound like a formidable woman. I really like how youíre using events which happened in the Muggle world and placing them into wizarding stories as itís really showing us how much the world wars and tyrannical states like Germany spread their influence. Gah, Iím not sure if I should be cheering Ada on for killing her though because a. it is murder so obviously is a terrible thing but b. she did sort of deserve it. The touch with the red ribbon was cool though.

Ok, a few things! Whoo for mortuary labs, theyíre so cool though it was a little strange how excited Emily got about it and how much she wanted to examine the body. I love seeing how they can just figure out what killed her as I wish I have analytical skills like that. Plus Emily and Louisí banter was so cute, Iím hoping more and more that they get together soon. Finally, whoo I got it right for once and it was Umbridge! :D

Ooh I love Molly, she has this sort of secret wild edge to her if that makes sense. Ha, the story about her confounding people if they said her hair was dyed made me laugh. Also, I love how youíre creating a more and more complex family dynamic with the rift now between Molly and Victoire as it just makes the family life more realistic because most next gen stories just make them the best of friends.

Ahaha, this is so cool! I had been wondering how the two stories link up and now they have itís so cool. I loved how we got to hear more about the deaths and how it was pattern, and it was cool how they matched up to the ones in the present. Ok, as that happened, it must be someone whoís clever enough to know about this, perhaps has a little OCD in them because of the pattern in the deaths, and has a reason to hate Death Eaters, so the prime suspects are Hugo and Rose or Hermione because theyíre Hermioneís children and would potentially have that like she did. Or possibly Teddy as heís a little mad (in my head canon), and he lacks ambition but maybe this is where his ambition is?

Aw, James is warming to me more and more with each chapter thatís posted. It was so sweet how needy he is, and the little stories about his D and kissing a man made me laugh a lot :P Ha, and there was a sneaky little thought about Emily from Louis there. I knew there was more lurking away there!

A fab chapter :D

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi Kiana! :)

Madame la Douloureuse is just terrifying in my mind! I wish I had more time to develop her and the other scary characters of Ada's world, there just wasn't room! I'm always so honoured to hear you like how the historical era and events were portrayed, and I have no clue how I feel about all the murders Ada committed. I mean, she does think she's doing the right thing but then so did the bad guys. It's so strange writing a character like her since I really love her and support her but at the end of the day she is a killer so it's confusing.

Ah, you would like the morgue, hehe. :P I pretty much based Emily's excitement on the surgeons in Grey's Anatomy who are crazy about cutting people open, no idea if real people are like that but it was funny to write. Yes, Umbridge! :P (Is it bad for me to say good riddance?)

Yay, I love Molly too and definitely know what you mean about the wild edge. She's a little mad really. I imagined that not all the cousins would get along and Molly and Victoire are both quite strong personalities - Molly to me is also a little insecure and covers it by being rude about other people, so Victoire with all her prettiness and sassiness is a bit of a natural target for her.

Yes! I was so excited to post this chapter and when they make the connection between Ada and the current murders. The person would need to have some OCD-like tendencies and be very specific, and hmm, interesting suspects, hehe. I love hearing all these theories and what they could mean! :D

It's so great to hear you like James! He's so funny to write and I love his antics, I think if he was a real person he would annoy me but it's fun to make him annoy Louis instead. He's a bit of a free spirit but still need some love, haha. I mean, Emily's a cute girl, can't really blame him!

Thanks so much, Kiana! ♥ ♥ You really do spoil me with reviews and I appreciate it muchly. :D


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Review #19, by Red_headed_juliet something in the way she moves

25th May 2014:
Hello again!

One thing I noticed about this piece was the tense. You're switching back and forth, and it's a little jarring sometimes.

"And when her own mother did not return one night after her employment, Ada knows she has to act. She takes a dark cloak and pulled it up around her head to conceal her sand-coloured hair, and weaves in and out of the dark streets."


This sentence "what Ada had done was really just a preventative measure" seems to be the defining difference between the new killer and the sevenfold killer. It's why I'm rooting for Ada, and see the new one as a bad guy.

I'm guessing that Erik was the victim that was controversial? Interesting. Very interesting.

Oh no. Oh no no no no no. That's not good. That last paragraph has a lot of things that Louis missed, and that's not good. Oh man. Ut oh. Way to end the chapter. Lol.

I'm looking forward to reading more! Until next time!

Author's Response: Hi again! :)

Ah, again it's my proof-reading skills or lack thereof. :P When I have some extra time I'm going to go back over the posted chapters, life has just been so busy! (And proof-reading myself is somehow so tedious) :P. Thanks for pointing that out!

Interesting, I like your thoughts on seeing the new killer as a bad guy. It does play a bit with morality and even Louis and the others are a little confused about what exactly they think.

Very interesting, indeed. I like how you're noticing all the Erik clues! :D

Not good! Haha, I love having these evil author moments. :) Thanks so much for another lovely review, you really are too good to me! :D


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Review #20, by Red_headed_juliet in the midnight hour

25th May 2014:
I'm behind!! Sorry!!

So, per the usual, I'm doing this as I go along. +] Though, this chapter, I didn't have time to pop down here until after the entirety of Ada's bit.

I'm delighted by how much description you've put into the prison. I love it. Most fanfiction has a setting that we're at least a little familiar with already, we've heard about Azkaban, Hogwarts, Diagon Alley, Hogsmeade, but this is new. And I love being able to picture and imagine everything in detail. (Mostly. Random fact of the day: My imagination is in water color, like a moving Monet) It really really draws me in. And then the last paragraph. Erik? I want to know A LOT more about Erik. +]

Bahaha. I love "scarred and commemorated in my mind". That's probably the most accurate description of a first time ever. Not sure if it was on purpose, (since you were talking about tenses) but it should be correct, not correctly. (I thought it was clever you did it there, then wasn't sure if it was on purpose, and since this is mostly squeeing, thought I'd at least attempt to be costructive. X] )

Yay! I'm totally shipping Louis/Emily here. It makes me happy he was jealous. And I'm enjoying this recount of his past girlfriends. It is certainly adding more to his depth/characterization.

o.0 This is getting creepy. I told you Emily seemed like me? I STAND LIKE THAT TOO!

These ^ are the things that make your story jump off the page, and I love it. Also; James needs a babysitter at the retirement home.

Favorite quote: "Be cool man."


The plot thickens, indeed... Hmmm... These are my final answer:

Victim #2 is Dolores Umbridge.
The murderer: is really good. +] (Though that old lady is suspicious, I've got my eye on her.)
I really have no idea about Neville.

On to the next chapter!

Author's Response: Hello! :) Ah, I'm so behind with responding to your lovely reviews - I should be caught up soon, though! :D

I'm glad you liked the descriptions of the prison! They're important in these scenes because it does reflect the state of mind which Ada is in. I'm glad it's engrossing, and yes, keep an eye out for Erik tidbits - they tend to be hidden away a little bit, just because I like being sneaky. :P

Haha yes! Louis is so awkward, hehe. Haha it wasn't on purpose, just my lazy grammar, but I'll go back and fix that sentence - something was definitely off. :P I should really invest in a beta. :P

Yay! I'm glad you liked the background on his romantic history, Agathe isn't really a character but I felt that his first girlfriend would still have an impact on Louis.

I stand like that too!!! It's so comfortable, haha. Aha I love hearing your thoughts on Emily and relating to her, that's so cool.

James is quite off the walls, but that's what Louis still loves about him. Ooh, interesting thoughts! :D I love hearing all these theories - especially the second one here, haha, as you now know it was a good one!

Thanks so much for the amazing review, my dear! ♥


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Review #21, by patronus_charm in the midnight hour

25th May 2014:
Ok, Iím going to attempt to catch up again today, but it probably wonít last very long as Iím going away for two weeks, but here we go :P

You really showed how much war could change you with Ada becoming a killer. The images which she recalled of killing them were so brutal and horrible, but in a way good too, because you really didnít shield the reader from what war could do then. The descriptions of Nurmengard were really haunting too, and you could just sense the hopelessness there. Thatís why it was really nice when Ruth arrived as it give me and Ada some hope things could be for the better again. Though her story with Joachim was just so sad.

I loved the way you weave in the background information as it really isnít boring at all but just makes me laugh a lot. Ha, poor Louis, Agatha does sound quite something, and the way he had to confirm with Victoire that she had broken up with him made me laugh, but it does sound as if he is better off without her. Even though I say it in most reviews, you really have created such a lively set of characters and I do love reading them so much!

Ha, I honestly thought it was the murderer when Louis screamed but thank god it was only a spider! Aw, I actually really want him and Emily to get together now as she was so sweet then and they just seem to go really well together. I loved Fleur in this chapter and the fact she had to have a drink before going round the Weasleys, her personality is just so different it cracks me up! The story about Arthur and Molly was so sad, though I could tell they were still dearly in love which was nice.

Dun dun dun, a murder! Ooh this is really exciting! Iím guessing this is Umbridge because she may have been let out of Azkaban at this point, and the fact sheís wearing pink clothes is a big giveaway. Ooh so if this is her, maybe this is some sort of Muggleborn uprising? That would be quite cool actually, even if they are killing people.

I guess Iíll just have to see, but great chapter, Jenna!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Kiana! Ah, so here I am attempting to catch up on all these lovely reviews again. Traveling time is sadly over so I should hopefully have replied to all of your amazing reviews soon! :)

I'm glad you liked seeing Ada's experience of the war and how horrid it was - I felt so sad writing these scenes because Ada's life is so difficult and bleak, but it is important to show. And yeah, Ruth is one of the really interesting characters to write because of the impact she has on Ada and their friendship has some complications which are hinted at.

I'm glad you like all the background details, you know how I love writing them! :P Yeah, he really could find someone nicer than Agathe, but he's not particularly lucky with the ladies generally. I'm so pleased you like all my characters, it really means so much! :D

Haha, just a spider! :P Ooh it's really fun hearing who people are shipping as it changes so much from chapter to chapter and it gives me some evil author moments. :) And yeah, Fleur's sassiness was one of my favourite things about JKR's characters so it was quite fun to write her here.

Yes! Hehe, that's a good guess and theory, I love hearing them!

Thanks so much for reviewing, Kiana! ♥ I love hearing your thoughtful observations on my stories, you're the best! :D


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Review #22, by patronus_charm all dead hearts to you

18th May 2014:
Hi!

Again, I really love how weíre gradually learning more and more about Adaís life and how the war affects it. You managed to create this really solemn and melancholy air with the way it was just her wandering the streets, visiting her familyís graves and how she could trust no one at all because of the war. Youíve just done a really great job of it, and I canít wait to read more about it because you have a knack of writing some of my favourite historical eras with the War of the Roses and WWII :P

I loved learning more about the Weasley family because you really have portrayed them in a different light. I love the old hints of Fleur remerging with how she was proud of sending them to a Muggle school, because only she would have so much pride about that, and how she self-diagnosed with ADHD :P Domís story was so touching with the way she was worried about not keeping up with Victoire and I just wanted to hug her, though I do have to give Fleur some credit of being a good mum and looking into this so much.

James just made me laugh a lot too, especially when Ginny just arrived and he was like oh dear, must somehow look sort of presentable. I really loved Ginny too, because sheís sort of become the second version of Molly with the way she berated her son and was trying to get him to tidy up and stuff. You really do have a lovely set of characters in this story!

Bones makes me laugh a lot too, she just had this brash and almost crazy nature about her which just draws you into her. Again, I totally agree with her about the murderer not being Runcorn and Malfoy, I mean if it was Draco Iím sure the whole place would know as his hair lights up like a torch! Also, I loved how they were just talking about Runcorn and then he appeared, talk about awkward moment much. Finally, hmm, Molly. I will be keeping my eye on her now as she could be a potential murderer though why she would be one Iím still not sure.

I loved Victoire, she is just so sure of herself and strange and brilliant and yeah sheís different to the other Victoires Iíve seen which is cool. I love the measures she goes to to avoid getting married to Teddy though, it really does make me wonder whether she actually wants to be with him and get married with the way he lacks ambitions too, as she certainly doesnít seem to suffer from that.

One last thing, Steak sounds great and I want to meet this guy! Also, Iím cheering you on, Dom! Live on the wild side and go with your passions and not follow the boring and generic route. I sincerely hope we meet these two very soon!

Great chapter!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi Kiana! :)

Ahh, you really spoil me with reviews, you know that? I really don't know what I'd do without you since so many of my chapters would have only one or no reviews if it weren't for you. So thank you! :D I'm sorry for taking so darn long with this, but I come back from traveling tomorrow so will hopefully have far more internet time in order to respond properly and be a better HPFF-er. :P

I'm so honoured you like how I write historical eras and how Ada's sections are turning out. Ada's sections were so engrossing for me to write, this point in the story is when I was getting really into her voice so it's great to hear you like her.

I love writing the Weasleys! Fleur is just hilarious and I wanted to allude to how spunky and a little rude she was in the books, haha. And yes, I felt that Fleur would be very involved in her children's lives and try and help them as much as she could, and having a character with learning disabilities was very interesting to think about in the context of the magical world.

Haha yes! I imagine Ginny being quite hard on her sons especially and just embarrassing them all them time too.

I'm glad you're liking Bones! Yes, interesting observations and such here. I love hearing your theories and opinions, haha. Victoire is so much fun! She and Dominique and Louis all together are really hilarious to me for some reason. Victoire is just all over the place and a little strong-willed but she does have a good heart underneath it.

Steak! Hehe, well maybe he will appear, maybe not. :P I agree, Dom has a different sort of path right now but she's so funny.

Thanks so much for a brilliant review, Kiana! :) I promise to catch up on the rest of the responses I owe you soon! ♥


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Review #23, by Red_headed_juliet all dead hearts to you

12th May 2014:
Hello again dear!

Reading as a review again, just so ya know.

I love Ada. I didn't have a great relationship with my father when I was her age, but I had a lot of younger siblings I provided for, and if any of them had been taken from me (and I was magical) this definitely would've been on my mind. Not going to lie. The entire introduction seemed very genuine. I like that she hadn't planned what to do after he was vulnerable to her. She wanted revenge, but didn't exactly know how's and when's. Only that she was going to.

I think this is the first time I've seen something religious in a hp fic, and I like how you blended it in. I always tend to think of it as a more muggle practice, but I suppose there's nothing really to keep witches and wizards from believing too. Very nice and subtle. It all seemed natural.

Kudos on the Dominique background. It's nice to see that not all witches and wizards are brilliant. +] Diversification makes it feel more real.

Bahahahaha. I love your mom-Ginny. She's awesome. :hearts: All of your characters are so real. Truly, the characterization in all of this is just a delight. And I was wondering about the Lou-is vs Lou-ee thing, so in my head it switched. Nice way to put that in there.

New favorite quote "She'd make a good murderer."

You're really doing well with shifting the mood from light-hearted to uncomfortable. It's definitely keeping me engaged the whole time. First the uncomfortable murder scene with Ada, then the funny scene with James, uncomfortable with Runcorn, then funny with Malfoy's robes. Not sure if it's on purpose, but it's very effective.

*prediction time* that guy in the daily prophet is the next to die!! We shall see... (If you can't tell, I'm quite enjoying myself with this story.)

Though it does make me sad that Bones suspects Emily. I don't think it was her... *crosses fingers*

I will never think of Azkaban the same ever again.

Well, I've reached the end (unfortunately.) Congratulations on another engaging chapter. Can't wait to read on. +]

Until next time!

Author's Response: Hello! :D

I'm sorry for taking so long to get to your amazing review! I really love hearing your thoughts on this story and your opinions are so helpful and lovely. Thank you! ♥

I'm so pleased you like Ada, and can relate to that feeling of family love and the need to protect those she loves. Even just the thought of something bad happening to one of my family members gets me quite upset so I tried to draw on those emotions for Ada. Exactly, for this first murder it wasn't exactly pre-meditated or planned, she felt a little uncomfortable and awkward with killing him in a way. But I'm glad you liked it and thought it felt real.

Yes! I knew so, so many people in school with learning disabilities etc and felt that there would have to be some representation among wizards as well. I liked adding the religious background as well, it's not as important for wizards as Muggles I think but in a place like Ada's town would be part of the community. I think it depends on the era as well, I imagine the medieval types as being quite religious too. :P

Thank you, it makes me so happy to hear you think the characters feel real! I love writing all of them and they're so distinct and weird to me so it's quite fun to share that. The pronunciation of Louis' name is a little odd, I imagine it as Lou-ee since French but it could be either really. I feel like his sisters' names are a little awkward to pronounce in English accent in some ways too, though I do know some English Dominiques in real life.

Haha! Oh, Eugenie.

I'm glad you like the changing tones of the story! I guess that's just what Louis' life would be like at this point, where he has this fun, easy going home life but a very tense work life, and the two are starting to blend together.

Muaha, murder. :P Hmm, interesting observations you have, as usual! I love reading your theories and predictions!

Thank you so much for this, I'm so excited that you're still liking the story and I love reading your reviews! ♥ ♥


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Review #24, by LavenderBlue dreams filled with silver and gold

10th May 2014:
Hello! LavenderBlue here with your requested review. I've been so excited to have a Louis Weasley story in my reading queue! And when I saw that Joni Mitchell-inspired chapter title? I knew that I was in for a treat. :)

I LOVE the context you've given this story. For all the parallels between JKR's Death Eater agenda and the Holocaust, I've never once encountered an approach to the magical world in a WWII/Holocaust setting. But it WORKS here, and it works very well. Magical folk sent to death camps? Hitler as Grimmauld's puppet? Powww (that's the sound of my mind being blown). My only concern would be if you didn't draw out the ramifications of that analogy to their full extent, but you do. The parallel of the deathly hallows mark to the star of David in chap 2 was chilling.

You have an excellent command over the language, and your descriptions during the flashback scenes are so creepy and atmospheric. I know you mentioned some concern over the shift in tone between past and present settings, but I think you've handled it nicely. I haven't yet felt jarred by your transitions, and I think part of that may be due to the fact that, even though the 2027's scenes are less grim, they still carry that same air of mystery that ties both time periods together.

Characterization. Louis reads fantastically so far. He has a very inviting voice, and you've given him a defined, worthy goal: to prove himself on his first big case as an Auror. I also like the little nods at Louis' jealousy over Emily and Quentin, which I imagine will only escalate throughout the story. Emily's comment about crushing someone like Louis while hooking up... Bahaha. Poor Louis. :(

I LOVE Eugenie so far. She seems sharp, professional, and independent--just how I like my heroines :)--but with an empathetic side that the reader glimpses when Eugenie discusses someone like Emily Longbottom. Is it wrong that I really ship Eugenie and Louis? 'Cos I do. Like, a lot. I think they'd be excellent for each other.

I think you've done well with Ada's characterization, too. Like Eugenie, I get the sense that her story/character are only going to further evolve in future chapters, and you've laid a very solid groundwork so far. Since Ada is in a position where so many things happen TO her, there's the risk that she could become a passive character. But you've done a good job so far of keeping her agency intact. After that horrible magical "test" Gregore Gottschalk imposed on Ada's family to determine the non-magicfolk, you don't turn Ada into a weeping victim; you give her a visceral goal to kill Gregore. I love that.

And on that note, may I say that I'm so happy you've brought a Next Gen Longbottom into the mix! You see so little of Neville and Hannah's children in Next Gen fics, and I quite like your portrayal of Emily as an energetic, sassy, but caring friend...who works with dead bodies. :) I like that, for all her positive qualities, she's fleshed out with insecurities about her body image. That's a struggle that's all too real, even for girls as accomplished and bright-eyed as Emily.

I also appreciate that you address sexism in the Auror realm. It's completely believable, and your references to it never feel preachy, but they do pose a real workplace problem that both Eugenie and Emily have to overcome. Details like that are indicative of your strong world-building as a whole. You do a good job of crafting the Auror environment and its rules.

You've got great attention to detail. It's the little things, like noting Louis' finger marks on the edge of a photo and the recurring imagery of Ada's red ribbons that give this story extra life. Detail like that is especially vital to a mystery story, since the reader is in the role of a detective, just like Louis and Eugenie.

There was only one nitty gritty I noticed while reading. In Chap 1, during the first Proudfoot/Eugenie/Louis scene, the characters say "reckon" three times in close succession. You might consider changing one or two of those. :)

This was such an enjoyable read! You've done a stellar job so far, and I'm super excited that this is a pre-written story. I just kind of want to read the remaining ten chapters ALL AT ONCE, RIGHT NOW. Which is a sure sign that you've written a compelling story. I'm hooked. :] Thanks for the lovely read, and I hope you find the review helpful!

xoxo
Kat

Author's Response: Hi Kat!!! :D

Wow, this review is just amazing. I'm so sorry for taking this long to reply to your incredible review, I've been traveling with unreliable internet connections and also I've kind of enjoyed having it in my unanswered review pile so I can come and re-read it! ♥ So thank you!

It means so much to hear you're liking the story and especially the first two chapters as they were the ones I felt the least confident about since I was just getting to know Louis and the story.

Joni Mitchell! I love her songs and her lyrics and lines are all just amazing.

Okay good, I'm glad you like the language and how the two sections are tied together. Having Ada feature in every chapter was something I sort of decided the first day of NaNo so I'm pleased it's blending in well.

I'm happy you like Louis, hehe. He's such a goof but he was a really fun character to work on and my first real boy MC, too! And yeah, haha Emily was a little insensitive there, she's a bit insecure but making Louis insecure at the same time, even if she doesn't realize it.

It makes me so, so happy that you like Eugenie, you have no idea! :D I love her and I really wanted the reader to want to get to know her as well. Hehehe, oh shipping them, are you? :P *evil author laugh* One of the fun things about having a new story and no clear love interest is hearing people's theories about shipping so I'm loving this.

Yes! Ada gets super intense, she scares me sometimes and even though her scenes in Nurmengard show her to be perhaps a little weaker she's a lot more than that. She really changes during times in her life and she's fun to write. The scene where her family died was really hard for me to write, but necessary and I wanted to show how it had the power to really change the type of girl she was.

Yay for a Longbottom child! :) I felt like Neville would be a good dad and Emily is just a joy to write, especially her and Louis' mutual sassiness to one another. But yes, I think that for so many girls insecurity and body image is such a hard part of everyday life so wanted to show that, but through the boy's POV.

I'm glad you liked the mentions of sexism as well and how it would be a little more difficult for the girls. I think even in the magical world being an Auror would be seen as more masculine and requiring "male" characteristics so that would be an obstacle for the pretty girls whom everyone underestimates.

I'm so happy you like the details, I really get into imagining these scenes and writing them so descriptively and I love you for picking up on those! And yes, the little details can be quite important hints in future chapters...

Ah! I will go and tackle the "reckons" when I have the chance (I'm about to get on a bus in Greece right now :P). Thank you so much! This review was so amazing and really helpful, I loved hearing your thoughts and reactions. I'm so pleased you liked it, it's really encouraging and lovely! ♥


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Review #25, by Red_headed_juliet dreams filled with silver and gold

6th May 2014:
Hello!

So, I liked the bit about Ada, and how it is in a different POV than Louis. It really helps me separate the two stories in my mind. Emotionally charged, and vivid, I did catch the bit about red ribbons on her braids, too. *winks and does the pointy finger thing* I see what you did there, thought that would just slip on by, did you? I see where this is going! Ok. Moving on. +]

Again, I like how you tied the exposition with Bones and Louis finding out more about one another. It makes it seem... idk, more part of the backstory without reading like a history book, if that makes sense.

Ooo, Lucretia huh? I wonder if that's why he doesn't hook up with Emily. I laughed out loud when he compared Emily's handwriting to Bones's. I felt like it was that episode in Friends when Ross is putting jellybeans on a scale to figure out who to date. (Not sure if you've seen that, but oh well.)

The whole meeting with Proudfoot and Harry reminded me of a vintage 1950s detective movie with the giant Mahogany desk, fedoras, black and white, old case files, where everyone is dressed in a nice suit, only wizard style. Lol. It's got a lot of character. I love it.

For the record, I don't think it was Malfoy. I think it was Krum, or someone else from over there who went to Durmstrang, though the activists also seem like a strong possibility.

Job well done! I liked the addition of the training background, and a little more detail to the other apprentices. It makes the world seem a little more fleshed out, not that there was a problem with that to begin with.

Keep posting! I'm invested in this story. Lol. I want to connect all the clues. Oh! And I love that Louis is a Ravenclaw. Claw pride

You're so sweet! Until next time

RHJ

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Wow, thanks so much for all the incredible reviews on this story! I'm really loving hearing your thoughts, it makes me so happy that you like it. I've sadly been a little slow with review responses lately since I'm currently traveling and have limited/poor internet access but I want you to know how much I appreciate this!

Hehe, oh you noticed the red ribbons, did you? :P I'm so glad you're liking Ada, she and Louis are quite different characters to write though they do have some similar characteristics and I've quite enjoyed weaving their stories together.

Good, I'm glad to hear you liked the backstory. I was worried it would be too boring but you and another reviewer both had positive comments so that makes me feel a bit better.:)

Oh, Lucretia... haha, and yes there's definitely some flirtatiousness even if it's quite light-hearted between Lou and Emily, though they are also quite happy being friends. Aha I haven't seen that episode but it sounds like something Ross would do and Louis would relate to. He has some girl issues in that he's really not assertive or sure about what he wants. :P

Ahah, that was totally what I was imagining! My parents watch a lot of British detective TV shows so they've kind of been the inspiration for certain scenes in this story since I always watch them while home.

Ooh, interesting theories - I love theories! :D

Thank you! Fleshing out the world as you said is so important to stories like this where background and history is so important, also I really love filling in all those little details about the characters.

Hehe, thank you so much! It really means so much that you like this and are on the hunt for clues - I can't wait to read more of your theories! Thanks again for the really wonderful review! ♥


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