Reading Reviews for Hamartia
  
3 Reviews Found

Review #1, by LilyLou ....

7th March 2014:
Hi, here for our review swap!

This was so beautiful!
... Well, okay, not really beautiful. The plot wasn't, it was sad and heart-wrenching, but your words and use of second point of view were wonderful! I love how you give the character depth by telling us her past, and you left tiny hints as to who it is, and I loved that! I did the same thing with a few of my stories, I like to add the element of surprise to my stories, as well as suspense, and yours had a great mix of a little of both!

Once again, great story here! You've got a great gift!

-Janelle

Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much!

I'd actually never written anything with an anonymous narrator before, so it was something really different, but I'm glad you liked it!

Thank you so much for this lovely review, you've made my day!

- Faith :)


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Review #2, by Lululuna ....

27th February 2014:
Hello! :) You have so many interesting characters and parings to read about, but I'm so glad I picked this one! The tragic simplicity of the story is really lovely and I'm impressed at how much you managed to say in a few words.

I like how you revealed more and more about the character through the story - like being a Hufflepuff, being about to graduate, being friends with Susan and Hannah. I both felt like I knew them really well and like they could be anybody, which is a really cool device. I was actually searching my brain to think of who it could be but kind of like the idea that this is an anonymous student who might have never come to Harry's attention yet still died for the cause.

Even without the D.A, you would have stayed. Hufflepuff House has a score to settle. I loved this, for two reasons. First, the idea that the character is bitter and angry about dying, and holding a grudge, is such a powerful idea. And then the character realizes that she would have stayed anyway, shows her Hufflepuff qualities of loyalty and honesty. Just by admitting that it's nobody else's fault, she's doing the right thing as a Hufflepuff should.

Secondly, I love the idea that Cedric's death would have affected the entire house. His death was one of the first of the new war and it must have been really traumatizing for the Hufflepuffs to see one of their heroes just die that way. The loyalty here was just beautiful and I love the way you tied it into the character's thoughts.

Loyalty can be a fatal flaw. I thought this line was so fantastic and meaningful. It caught my eye in the summary and it's the kind of line which will stay with me for a while, I think. You have a really lovely writing style in that each sentence feels so nuanced and meaningful.

The blood that surrounds you is the same shade as the lipstick you were going to wear to graduation. This sentence, gah. It was so heartbreaking and revealing and powerful. The idea of thinking about colours in these terms was incredibly beautiful and gruesome at the same time - my favourite combination. :)

The only thing I can think of in terms of CC (just to try and be useful instead of just gushing :P) is that at the beginning, the line about the "jet of green light" confused me a little as I thought the character had been killed by Avada Kedavra. Later - with the blood, and the pain - the insinuation was that she died from a more physical cause. Hmm, a way to make it clearer might be to say something about how the Death Eaters usually killed with the Killing curse, or how she saw others killed with a jet of green light?

Anyway, this was pretty much perfect. It was such a chilling read and I love how you crafted the character. The ending, where she's wishing there was somebody there to be with her as she died and the sense of terrible pain and loneliness was really beautiful. This story showed the fear and desperation and unfairness of how the war affected so many people, and I really loved it. :)

Wonderful job! :D

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this amazing review! :)

To be honest, I didn't actually have a specific canon character in mind when I was writing this. At first I was going to, but then I kind of liked the idea that she was relatively anonymous, so I'm glad you did too!

I've always thought Hufflepuff would be a really close-knit house so I imagine Cedric's death would have affected them pretty badly, so I'm glad that all came across.

That line was actually the first thing I thought up for this and pretty much the basis of the story, so it's awesome that you liked it!

I'll be sure to fix that when I get around to editing. That's something I wouldn't have caught on my own, so thanks for pointing it out! :)

This review made me so happy, thank you for saying so many nice things! You've really made my day! :D

- Faith


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Review #3, by CassiePotter ....

19th February 2014:
Hello!
I saw you post a link to this story on the forums and came to check it out! I thought this one-shot was really brilliant. Even though it's short, I think the length lends itself really well to the story. The last moments of someone's life, particularly when they're painful and a struggle, are something that seem incredibly brief, yet drawn out. You captured that beautifully, especially in this sentence- "It feels like hours, but you know it can't have been more than mere minutes."
That line had such a powerful simplicity to it, and it really made me feel like I was in the mind of this character, experiencing what she is going through. Overall, I thought this was a really well-written piece, and I'm so glad I read it! 10/10
Cassie :)

Author's Response: I'm so glad you did! I really wasn't super happy with this but decided to post it anyway, so this review and the fact that you liked it means so much to me! You've seriously made my day, thank you so much! :D

- Faith

P.S: sorry for the late response, things have been crazy busy for the last couple days!


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