10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by adluvshp Herbology and Hearts

21st March 2014:
Hello! Here for your requested review from the forums =)

This was a very sweet and adorable little one-shot. I enjoyed your characterisation of Lysander and Lily. Lysander was really cute and it was obvious how much he liked Lily which made me smile. Lily's reactions on being asked out by him was also adorable. I liked how neither of theme wanted to go to Madam Puddifoots.

The inclusion of Lorcan and Dom was also a nice touch. It was nice how Lysander defended his brother and asked Dom to give him another chance. The ending was my favourite part. The way Lily and Lysander came together was just so adorable and the kiss made me smile.

Honestly, I quite liked this and don't have any CC to offer you. Good job!

Cheers,
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Hi Angie! Thanks for responding to my request :D

I'm really glad you liked Lysander and Lily, I think the great thing about next gen is that we can give the characters any personality they want. I had fun with Lysander especially :D

The Lorcan/Dom side of it was a great idea by my speed dating partner, Janelle, and worked well as a way of showing how different the twins were.

I'm so pleased you liked it, thanks for the lovely review!


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Review #2, by DracoFerret11 Herbology and Hearts

13th March 2014:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums here to review for you for the Valentine's Day Competition! :D Sorry it took so long...anyhow, let's go over things:

Spelling/Grammar: I only noticed one error which was, "nodding at he heard things" where "at" should be "as."

Plot: This was a very sweet story and I really liked how it tied in with your partner's story! Lysander was great to read, and his budding relationship with Lily was really sweet. I liked how he stood up for his brother and how all he really wanted to do was sit by the Lake. Great job! Really cute. :)

Characterization: I really liked how you characterized Lysander. He was very distinct from his twin in the other story and I liked that a lot. I also liked that he was somewhat like Luna, insofar as he was quieter and more eccentric. And Lily was so sweet. I feel like they would make a good match.

Descriptions: I think I might have liked more details about how things looked, sounded, felt, smelled, etc. There was that good, solid scene in the greenhouses, but after that, I felt like the story was a bit rushed and I had a hard time getting into it and seeing what was going on.

Emotions: I liked the moment when Dom finally listened to Lysander, but it seemed a little too perfect, you know? I sort of felt like she would fight him on it more. But I also really liked how Lily kissed Lysander and proved that their relationship really had a chance. Very sweet. :)

Overall, this was very cute and I liked it a lot. Good job and good luck in the competition!

--Emily

Author's Response: Hi Emily! Thanks for stopping by :) I hope you're enjoying reading the speed-dating entries, I read them all and they're amazing.

I'm really glad you liked the plot and the characterisation. Both were a joint decision between me and my partner, we wanted to write them a little different than they usually are, not both identical and carbon copies of Luna, you know? I had a lot of fun writing about their differences :)

You're absolutely right about the description. I think I tried to get too much plot in the story and then remembered about the word count limit for the challenge so it took a bit of a hit :/

Thanks for pointing out the typo, I'll fix that asap :) I'll bear in mind your comments about the description and the ending too (once the results are posted and I'm not restircted in word count :p)

I'm pleased you enjoyed it overall, thanks for the review! :D


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Review #3, by lindslo2012 Herbology and Hearts

5th March 2014:
Hey Dee!
Here for tape two.. lol. I am not sure what happened but it is irritating because it was a nice long review! Sorry it took a couple more days:(
Well first things first... this was VERY well written. I can feel the things Lysander feels from the very beginning and I also have a good viewing of what is around him so I applaud you for writing such good description as you always do!
I am a fan of your writing and your fics were amoung some of the very first I read when I joined HPFF as a member!
I think my most favorite paragraph of your story was-
"Towards the end of their fifth year at Hogwarts, however, Lysander had started to pay more attention to Lily. He noticed that she had a cluster of freckles on her nose, and that her red hair had a quite pretty shine to it in the sunlight that beamed down through the greenhouse roof. He noticed that her cheeks reddened when she asked him to check over her Herbology essays, and that she bounced lightly on the balls of her feet when Grffindor won at Quidditch, or a letter arrived from home. He liked the things that he noticed and he liked noticing new things."
That was so adorable and sweet. I really got to see his feelings for Lily there and it really had me rooting for them!
Your ending sentence was also very good too and sweet. It makes me want Lysander as a boyfriend- well- not really but you get what I am trying to say;)
Well Dee, as usual you have done a fantastic job!!
I loved it and I hope you come back to my review thread to re-request for another story of your's!
Until next time,
-Lindsey

Author's Response: Hi Lindsey! I'm glad it worked for you this time :D

Description is always where I fall short in my writing so it's really brilliant to know you liked it in this.

I'm flattered you would want Lysander as a boyfriend, it says good things about the character I created. I totally understand your point, I often find myself lusting after characters in fanfiction ;)

Thank you so much for this lovely review Lindsey, I really appreciate you writing it twice!

Dee :)


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Review #4, by Maelody Herbology and Hearts

28th February 2014:
WW WW WW WW WW W! :3

In case you're wondering why there are a bunch of "w's", that's the tail end of my "D'AW!" That I just audibly did. That ending was just too cute! Sweet, innocent, and exactly how I imagine that pair to be! Well, actually, I've never cared for this pair before, only because in my mind the Scamander twins are considerably younger than the rest if the next gen characters. But this made me forget about that and it made me so excited!

The bit on noticing new things made me smile. Seriously, I had a dopey grin on my face! That moment when you first realize you like someone is always the best! And the way he chased her down and tripped was just too adorable! He's really determined! :D

His idea of a date seems awesome and adorable. It's sweet how Lily agrees with him and also tackles him to the ground when he asks her to go out. And oh, an eagle quill? How sweet of him!

The little spiel over his brother gave me goosebumps. I actually always pictured the twins feeling very different to one another. One feeling like he didn't belong while the other is much like his mother. So it's super cool we agree on that! Dom giving him another chance because of that, and what she says to Lily, is perfect. I laughed and then, as you know, gushed outwardly at just how adorable everything was!

The only real critique I have is just a few words were misspelled. Not so much misspelled as they were just typos. Things like 'at' instead of 'as' or 'on' instead of 'one'. Just tiny things like that. Otherwise, in my opinion, this story was just perfect! :D I loved it and I can't get rid of the butterfly feeling in my tummy! I'm thinking of the first time I realized I liked someone, and of previous cute dates. You provided an excellent source of nostalgia xD. Really! This story was great, and I cannot wait to read your partner's story! I wish you two the best of luck in this challenge! :D

~Mae

Author's Response: Hi Mae :D

I love the tail end of your D'AW :D haha!

Honestly, I never really imagined where the Scamander twins fit in age-wise, next gen isn't my usual era of writing but I had so much fun with this.

The date was definitely one of my favourite parts too. I never understood the appeal of Madam Puddifoots at all so I wanted Lily to go against the norm when he suggested it for their date.

The idea for the twins being different was mostly my partner's idea but it seems something we all agree on! I think having them both identical and carbon copies of Luna would have been a little cliche, twins don't always have to have everything in common :D

Thanks for pointing out the errors, my haste to get this written and submitted came at a detriment to my editing skills :p I'll go back and fix them :)

This was such a lovely review to read Mae, thank you so much!


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Review #5, by ohmymerlin Herbology and Hearts

28th February 2014:
Hey, Dee!

This was so adorable! You wrote Lysander really well and I loved the way you wrote Lily! They seemed to suit each other perfectly!

And the way Lysander was defending Lorcan's actions was so sweet! I love seeing strong brother/sister relationships in things and you wrote it so well!

Anyway, Dee, I really loved this story! You did such an amazing job of it! ♥

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Hi, Kayla :D



I'm really glad you liked Lysander and Lily in this, there's a lot of pressure with next-gen to create interesting and non-cliche characters, probably why I don't attempt them often LOL!

Lysander defending Lorcan was my favourite part of this, I'm part of a big family so I enjoy writing siblings :)

Thanks so much for this lovely review, I'm pleased you enjoyed it!


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Review #6, by Singularity Herbology and Hearts

28th February 2014:
To be honest, I haven't read much next gen at all, and this is possibly the first story I've ever read about Lorcan and Lysander. That being said, I really liked the way you characterized them both. Lysander has a lot in common with Luna, but isn't a carbon copy, which is really nice to see, and I thought the idea of Lorcan being kind of an outsider in his family because he's a bit more 'normal' was an interesting twist.

I really liked the beginning. It gave me a good sense of who Lysander is, as well as how smitten he is with Lily. His way of asking her out (while giving her ample ways to say no) was quite adorable.

I think my favourite part though, was when he tried to drag Lily into Madam Puddifoots. I'm so glad she put her foot down and told him how she really felt about that place. :p

I also really liked that Lysander totally had his brother's back. Even though Lorcan was described as the more confident one, it's pretty clear that is just an act, and it was super sweet of Lysander to step in and save his date.

It was a really sweet story, and I thought you did a really great job with the challenge. It's easy to see how your story ties in with your partner's, and they really seem to complement each other, so well done!

Author's Response: Hi there! Thank you so much for taking the time to leave such a nice review! I'm really glad you liked the story.

Next gen really isn't my forte at all, but I always liked the idea of having the freedom to create our own personalities for them. I'm so pleased you liked Lysander, and Lorcan too. The idea for him to be a 'normal' outsider in his family was my partner's idea and a stroke of genius :)

I'm glad you liked the part with Madam Puddifoots, I always thought the place sounded awful so I didn't want Lily to be one of those girls that loved it :)

I hope you enjoyed Janelle's part of the story too. Thank you so much for the lovely review!


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Review #7, by Lululuna Herbology and Hearts

22nd February 2014:
Hello! :)

Aw, I really loved this! I love the idea you guys chose, to write about the Scamander twins and how their dates intersected.

I like the beginning, setting the scene and the weather up like that. I could really feel what it was like to be there and the February chill.

I love how Lysander is a bit of a Herbology nerd! He's just adorable here, and Georgia's act of bravery in protecting him from the plant going unnoticed really made me laugh. You made him into a quirky but also loveable character. The mention of the wrackspurts to dispel an awkward moment was perfect and definitely something I can see him picking up from Luna. I love how he had the Cabbage roses too, but didn't tell his mum why he needed them - Luna as a mum would be amazing to see and I can imagine her being quite cool and not asking her sons too many questions.

Lily was fantastic here! I think she and Lysander complimented one another so well with how she was quite bouncy and quirky too. She just felt like such a bubbly, positive person to be around, and I love how she commemorates exciting moments with hugging. :P Her full-of-energy personality and Lysander's well-meaning quirkiness were lovely to read.

Lysander is such a good guy, standing up for his brother like that! The ending was just full of sugary goodness and I loved it, and can't wait to read Janelle's story and learn a little more about Lorcan. Great job! :D

Author's Response: Hi Jenna :D

I'm so pleased you enjoyed this. Next-gen isn't my forte at all but I had a lot of fun writing this. I think it's great that we can create our own versions of the characters in next-gen so I wanted Lysander to be a little quirky but good fun, I'm glad that came across well! And that you liked Lily too, I have a friend who hugs everyone in the vicinity when she is happy or excited and I had her in mind when I wrote Lily. In my head she and Lysander were a good match, I'm so happy you agree :D

I totally agree that Luna would be an amazing mum, and I think she would have brought the twins up well, including making sure they were good to each other and respected each other. Their brotherly love in this was probably my favourite part to write :)

I hope you enjoyed Janelle's story too, she's a wonderful writer and the story is perfect! Thank you so much for the kind review.


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Review #8, by nott theodore Herbology and Hearts

19th February 2014:
Hi Dee!

Ah, this was a really cute story, and it worked so well for the challenge! I haven't read many next generation entries so far, but I think that the idea of using a pair of twins for the stories is a great idea, and then that link is extended because the twins are going on dates with a pair of cousins!

Your characterisation in this was brilliant, I'm so impressed by the way that you managed to create a completely believable character in Lysander in such a short time. I've never read much about him before, and I like the way that you wrote him (I may have found some new head canon!). The way that it begun in Herbology was so effective, because it was clear that only Lily could distract him from a subject he loved so much. Although I did feel a bit sorry for the girl who was trying to impress him by saving him from a Venomous Tentacula!

I really liked the way that Lysander asked Lily out. It was quite understated and he was clearly nervous, but because of that it felt much more believable than some of the more dramatic versions I've seen. It fit so well with his character, and Lily's response was adorable!

I'm extremely proud of them both for disliking that awful tearoom! I can't see the appeal and I'm liking them as a couple much more for deciding to go to the lake instead. It sounds like a much better date to me, and I love how accepting Lily is of Lysander when a lot of people would think it's strange to fish for plimpies (admittedly I'm one of them :P).

Ooh, now I'm really intrigued about what's happened on Lorcan's date! I love the way that Lysander was prepared to abandon Lily for a few minutes to make sure that Dom would give his brother another chance. That sort of loyalty is so sweet and someone who was prepared to do that would definitely go up in my estimation.

Aw, the kiss at the end was so adorable! I loved the way you wrote them as two awkward teenagers about it, not some experienced people or something - it felt much more believable and made the whole story even sweeter to read! Now I'm off to find out what happened to Lorcan and Dom!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hi Sian! This is such a lovely review :D

Next-gen isn't my forte at all but I've done so many Hogwarts/post-Hogwarts stories that I wanted to do something new. The beauty of next-gen is that we can create our own personalities for the characters and I really enjoyed writing Lysander :)I'm so glad you loved him too, even with his obliviousness when he was saved by another girl!

Lily and Lysander in my headcanon grew up together, so her being understanding of his quirks was a given (though I'm not sure that Lily would have been as into plimpie fishing as he would be!) The tearoom sounds like my idea of hell so I couldn't bear to write them having a date there!

Lorcan's date is superb (you'll probably know this by now!) and my favourite part about linking them was definitely Lysander helping his brother get his girl back, there's something I've always seriously loved about loyalty between twins.

I'm glad you liked the kiss too, writing kissing scenes always makes me nervous for some reason! It's hard not to make it a total cheese-fest.

Thank you a million times for this review Sian, it was so lovely to read (L)


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Review #9, by Roots in Water Herbology and Hearts

18th February 2014:
Hey! I'm just here returning your fantastic review! I'm so glad that I stopped by to read this- it's really good!

And ooo- now I'm really intrigued to read about Lorcan's date. Dropping a cake on a girl? Not very nice at all, no matter how unintentional. It's a very good thing Lysander stepped in where he did...

Anyway, I really liked this one-shot. You managed to pack quite a bit of story into a short one-shot: the lead-up to the asking, the asking itself, and then the date. Wow!

I particularly liked the lead-up to the asking. I know you used this as your summary quote, but I really, really liked it. "He liked the things that he noticed and he liked noticing new things" - it just has such a nice symmetry to it and it works so beautifully within the context of the story!

Also, I like his idea of a date much better than that of going to Madame Puddifoot's... I still don't understand the appeal of that place! Sitting beside the Lake is infinitely preferable.

As well, it was interesting to see a perspective where Lorcan was considered slightly outsider-ish within his family because he liked "normal" things. It's a different dynamic, a different perspective from the norm... And I quite enjoyed it.

I hope you don't mind, and I completely realize the time crunch this was written in, but I noticed a few things that are quite quick to fix. :) Firstly, the phrase "their parents were very close friends, Lilyís middle name was given to her after Lysanderís mother" could fit more smoothly into its sentence if you added "since/because" before "their [..]" and used "and" instead of a comma after "friends". As well, in the phrase "and the excitement of Valentineís Day in the air", "with" could be added after "and" to make the sentence flow more smoothly. With "Madame Pudifoots tea room", it should probably be "Pudifoot's" and with "Madame Pudifoots, if it were", it should be a semi-colon or period instead of a comma after "Pudifoot's".

All in all, I think that you did a fantastic job with this story, particularly within the context of Speed Dating. Good luck to you! :)

Author's Response: Hi Roots! Thanks for stopping by :D

I'm so glad you liked the story, I'm not entirely sure how I managed to stick within the word limit we were given, I thought I would have been over for sure. I'm so pleased that you picked out that line, it was one of my favourites :D

I'm with you on the whole Madam Puddifoot's thing, it sounds like a dreadful place to go for a date. Plimpie fishing at the lake is definitely better.

Lorcan's character actually came from my partner, her story focusses more on him and explains the cake thing (shameless hinting for you to read it!) but it was great to incorporate him even breifly into this. I liked the idea of having twins that weren't very similar in their nature.

Thank you for pointing those errors out, I'll be sure to fix them now that it's not one in the morning before the deadline:D

And thank you for this lovely review, I'm so pleased you liked the story!


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Review #10, by toomanycurls Herbology and Hearts

17th February 2014:
Dee!!!

This is just a wonderfully sweet story! I like that Lysander is taken enough with Lily to be distracted through is favorite class - young lvoe does that! Oh and poor Georgine Valencia who wants to impress Lysander (what would a love story be without a hint of angst!?!).

I love the way you've walked through Lysander's relationship with Lily and how his emotions developed in their 5th year. The best romances come from long friendship and you've managed to show that they have just that! Seeing that Lily is just as enthusiastic about going out with Lysander as he is nervous to ask is just wonderful.

Lily is so practical - going back to her common room to store the flowers. I can't count how many times I've been on a date with a fistful of flowers in tow - such a n00b mistake. I'm also glad that she's not into going to the cliche date spots and would rather do something interesting to both of them.

Their kiss at the end (and Lily's worry that Lysander could be distracted by Dom) was just perfect.

-Rose

Author's Response: Hi Rose!

Thank you so much for this lovely review. Next gen is something I generally avoid like the plague so this was a real challenge for me and I am THRILLED you liked it.

I'm so glad you picked up on the little bit of added angst, it just wouldn't be valentines without it would it? I totally agree about the best romances coming from friendships, I know that my own did and I couldn't imagine it any other way :)

I am a fellow n00b too, admittedly in the first draft of this story, the flowers disapeared into thin air as after Lysander gave her them there was no more mentions of them, thankfully I realised and added the part of her putting them in her dorm in later!

I'm glad you liked the kiss too, it was my favourite part :)

Thank you again for this lovely review,

Dee.


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