Reading Reviews for Game Over
47 Reviews Found

Review #1, by randomwriter Four

14th April 2014:
This story just keeps getting better and better. With so many plot twists, I can hardly keep up, even though the chapters are so short. As I said, it makes me feel as though each word is really important because of the format and the writing style.

Again, HOW do you manage to do so much in just so little? The amount of character and plot development happening is simply phenomenal. I'd never have believed that it was possible to write something like this so well. It never feels like you've faced a hurdle. The whole thing flows so well, and it seems as if 500 words doesn't seem like too little at all for you! I can't believe how much you juts manage to pack in.

The narration and the writing style are really well suited for this kind of story. I know I sound like a broken record, but there are somethings you just can't say enough. :p The action, adventure and mystery elements are all equally present and it's really enthralling to read such a good story with a hearty dosage of all three.

I'm proud of myself for guessing immediately that 'Harry' was a boggart :D His characterisation seemed off, and the whole thing about him pulling off a mask... there was something odd, and I guessed it. You've been skirting around the topic of boggarts for a bit now :p I'm also proud of myself for guessing in the previous chapter that 'Matt' might not be The Real Matt. You can't fool me with all your twists, Pix ;)

I still can't figure out if James is the bad guy or the good guy. it seems as if he is a bad guy who is breaking the law with some moral backing? Something that tells him that what belongs to the wizards must be returned to them. I don't know. I'm just so full of questions, but hey, what's new? :p

One thing struck me odd though. When you said 'Red is dead', I believe you were thinking about The Killing Curse, and that's a flash of green. But it did seem intentional too, so I'm not sure. Maybe something to do with it being a boggart?

The Silent Thief. Hmm. Sounds super intriguing. I'm still very confused about what exactly he does, and whom he is working for, but I understand that that is your intention. I'm still trying to work it out though :p Let's see if I can figure this out before the end, though I highly doubt it. There are just way too many questions. Maybe once I finish, I'll re-read the whole thing and have a round of 'Ohh's and'Ahh's and 'OH! That's what happened. I've been so stupid', but not right now. Now I'm still in the dark :p

Anyway, another excellent chapter. I don't have much critique, but I'm full of praise. I'm loving this, and I'm off to read the next :D

Author's Response:

Plot twists! I love those. How'd I do it? Well, here's the thing. Only say what you have to, and leave out everything else. We don't have to know what James had for breakfast, and we don't have to know how they got to wherever they are. But we do have to know how they reacted to the boggart. Choices, choices. And twists. That's how. Try it. You might like it. *offers spoon of short prose*

I might have overlooked that the killing curse was green. Let's pretend... LOL!

Thanks so much for all of these great reviews, and for enjoying my story!

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Review #2, by randomwriter Three

14th April 2014:
Oh my! Another intense and riveting chapter. I cannot tell you enough how amazed I am by how much you add to the plot with each chapter. In just 500 words, you manage to turn the story completely on its head.

Along with plot development, you also manage to make progress with the characters. You give us a little bit of extra information in each chapter, but you make sure that it isn't too much. Just enough to make sure that the reader's interest levels are peaked a little more.

I love the small details you've added here. Like reverting back to narrating this from James' POV. Again, I don't know if that's just how I've been perceiving it, or if you actually did write it that way, but whatever it is, it works well. The small visual details work incredibly well too. Like how Dann tried to flirt with the guard. That bit was loaded with visual detail. I also like how you described the security guard as bored. I know these are little thing, but they really made a difference. It really helped me imagine this whole scene better.

The one bit of CC I have is that the first part of this story was worded in a slightly confusing manner. I had to re-read a couple of times to get what you were saying. I understand that working with a word limit so small can be a tough task, but maybe you could look at editing it slightly, if you'd like.

AGAIN. With the questions. It never gets any better. So James is on the Ministry's blacklist? Or is he actually working for the Ministry itself? I think it's the former, and that the secret agency he is working for has asked him not to get caught by the Ministry? Argh. I can't guess at all. Is James some sort of a bounty hunter, but for relics in stead of criminals? Does his job involve retrieve magical relics that have gotten lost in the muggle world? And where and how did they fall into another place? Was that a portkey? And why didn't they just use a disillusionment charm along with the levitation spell? Okay, enough with the questions and theories. I'll move on to the next chapter :p


Author's Response:

Part of the fun of this story was that I didn't have it all planned out like I usually do with longer stories. Some of that was because there wasn't room for backstory, and part of it was because I was writing on a deadline for the challenges. But it did give me a unique experience of discovering things along with my characters, both about each other and themselves. Like, I didn't know who Matt was in this chapter, even as James didn't know. Dann did, but she's not telling yet. She's just showing us what she thinks about him.

You'll have to be a bit more specific about which wording you found confusing. Feel free to pm me with the details. Every time I add words, I have to take others away. It's the nature of the format.

And yay for Matt! I think...

Glad that you're still enjoying this!

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Review #3, by randomwriter Two

14th April 2014:
Argh! Questions questions questions!
Nothing was answered, more were formed. I feel like every word is a clue, and I'm always looking for something that might point me towards an answer.

I really liked Dann. Her character seems quite bad-you-know-what. It turns out that she is as interesting as James, if not more. I'm dying to know what she does, and was it her he had to be wary of? I like how this chapter seemed to look at the plot through her eyes. (Or this maybe something that I just felt)

Also, WHO is this world is Matt? Everything seems to center around him, yet we don't know where he is, or what's happened to him. It does make me wonder why she chose to use Riddikulus though. Also, was she using a wand in a muggle area? Just a couple of things I was thinking about. However, my mind is in no dearth of things to think about at this moment :p

I really love how you managed to add value to the plot, rather making it seem like a filler. All in this just 500 words? Wow. You have remarkable talent. I want your brain. (Okay, let's pretend that isn't creepy, alright?) I'm impressed that you managed to stick to your self imposed word limit. The mystery and suspicion factor keeps rising and I don't think I'll be satisfied until I finish the whole story, really :P So forgive me if I leave shorter reviews. I might just be in a hurry to get to the next chapter :p

As with the first chapter, I loved the writing style. Bursts of action and mystery, blended well together here. I really enjoyed the way you've carried forward your story. It remains incredibly unique.

It was interesting to see how you developed their characters a little more, in spite of the length considerations. So James is involved in a heist. Does that make Dann an Auror or an someone who preserves and protects historic artifacts? Well, let's see.

And I know that it was more dialogue heavy that the first chapter, but I also love how you managed to include a bit of description in there. The nosebleed and everything added a sensory component to this chapter.

One thing did strike me odd though. Wouldn't you think that Basilisk fang would be better than basilisk tooth? Gah, Ignore it if I'm being insanely picky.

I cannot stress on how many questions I have, enough. I'm going to move on to the next chapter, and I'll try not to get floored by your skills (though I think I'm already there :p)

Andandaaand, a Basilisk Fang in a muggle museum? Hmm. Interesting, this just keeps getting better.

Author's Response:

Hi again!

Dann's awesome, isn't she? I wanted to at least make her someone that James would consider an equal, so I'm very happy you felt that way about her.

Nope. No room for filler here. What is filler, anyway? I think I've stopped writing filler scenes altogether in anything. It's all about moving the story along... probably why I have so much trouble showing the character's emotions. Ahh, strengths and weaknesses. Anyway...

I thought about the words "fang" and "tooth". I decided on "tooth", because if I did "fang", I'd have to explain how fangs are different from the dinosaur teeth, and there just weren't enough words for that sort of thing. Economy. See?

Yes, yes, more questions!!! Click that "next chapter" button!!

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Review #4, by randomwriter One

14th April 2014:
Hello Pix! :) I know I said I'd review 'Put on Notice' while commenting in the thread, but this really caught my attention, and I ended up getting distracted (surprise surprise!)

I'm glad I got a chance to read this though. The introductory chapter is really unique. I can honestly say that I've never read anything quite like it before. I love how it captured my attention from the very start and held it in a sort-of iron grasp. I am itching to read Chapter 2 now :p

I love how you dived straight into action. You gave yourself just 500 words, and what you've accomplished in so little is no small feat. 500 words is usually not long enough to set up a story, but you've managed to introduce a character quite well, give us a fair insight into his life and what has happened, set up a story and create suspense. Heck, it's not easy to do it all in even 5000 words. Kudos are in order.

The plot itself (yes, there is a plot here even though you gave us only 500 words :p) is intriguing. That Matt part really confused me, but it also got me formulating a dozen theories in my mind (Thank you, hyperactive imagination!). The woman thought he was Boggart? Was she afraid of him then? Okay. This is odd. I MUST read on.

I loved the writing style. The short sentences, indicating a sense of urgency. The stiffness of the structure, probably a reflection of how uncomfortable James was feeling, being thrown into that situation. It was really well written and it flowed well too! I really enjoy Action/Adventure, and I haven't read too much fanfiction on it, so this is quenching all my thirst for spies, chases and running from the law. I cannot tell you how much I adore how suspicious this is. From the first word till the last, it stank of fishy business. Ah, the best! xD

You have now left me with a dozen questions snapping away at my brain. Not ideal at 3:00 A.M. No :p But it's a good thing as well. I LOVE stories that make me think, guess and wonder and yours has done that tenfold.

However, I noticed that a couple of things were little off. I hope you don't mind me pointing them out.
Firstly, you mentioned 'must' scent, maybe you meant musk?
Secondly, in one place, you've said 'The transformation took'. While this may have been deliberate, it's a little inconsistent with the rest, and makes me believe that you meant to say 'took place'. Sorry if I'm wrong :p Feel free to ignore it in that case.

On top of everything, I found it incredible that you've combined three challenges to create this unique story. I hope you fared well. :)

Author's Response:


Distraction isn't necessarily a bad thing, you know. If this story captured your attention, then I must have done something right. Iron grip. LOL! 500 words isn't much, and it was quite the challenge to deliver something that MOVED in that short amount of space. But I think I did okay with it. It was fun. I'm definitely going to try it again one day.

Yay for plots! Yay for stinky plots! Yay for all the questions that you now have, that are going to make you read the next chapter!

On the other hand, you really should get some sleep. The brain does strange things when it's overtired.

Thanks so much for this great review!

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Review #5, by 800 words of heaven Chapter 5

14th April 2014:

I love this story so much! I never have any idea what's going on and it's the penultimate chapter. The plot keeps thickening. I sort of want things to solve themselves, but then I think, nah. I'm having too much fun.

I'm sort of scared of reading the last chapter. I don't want this to end! Where will I get my fix of "what on earth is going on?" (in the best possible way) when this is over? *runs away from possibility of things ending*

Fantastic chapter, as always. You shall be seeing me soon for the final chapter. Or maybe not. But I will be back!

Author's Response:

Aww, don't be scared of the last chapter. It's not like I'm going to kill Harry or anything...

I'm thinking of writing more of these things. They're loads of fun!

I'm so glad you're enjoying this story! It means a lot to me that someone else likes it almost as much as I do.

Thanks for the awesome review!

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Review #6, by academica Four

6th April 2014:
Hey, here with your requested review :)

I am really glad my prediction was right and "Harry" turned out to (potentially) be a Boggart! It would have been tough to cram that much shock into a 500-word chapter. I am curious about James's identity as the "Silent Thief" and I wonder how this short story is going to end.

You did a nice job of building up intrigue with the Boggart and Dann's realization of James's identity. It wasn't over the top but it did make me want to keep reading on. Sorry this review is so short, but I don't have too much critique. You've definitely improved since chapter one.

Good work!


Author's Response: Hi Amanda!

It would definitely have been tough to pull off the actual death of Harry Potter in the next 500 words. Even I'm not crazy enough to attempt that one! I am relieved that the rest of this chapter made sense and I assume that you would tell me if it felt rushed. I might have overdone the overall plot for this story, because even I felt a bit cramped for space in the last chapter. You'll have to tell me your impression once you get there.

Thanks for the review!

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Review #7, by TidalDragon Chapter 6

4th April 2014:
Hello again! Dropping by per your review request. Since the chapters were each 500 words (impressive precision by the way, despite the challenge), I decided to just leave one summary review here at the end.

All in all I thought you did well developing the plot chapter by chapter, particularly given the self-imposed word constraint. My positive feeling about this aspect was enhanced by the fact that you were able to incorporate a number of little plot twists and keep the air of mystery going throughout the story so far.

I will say that I think your better writing took place in the first few chapters. Obviously there was less going on, and much less dialogue, so that made it a bit easier, but the descriptions, internal thoughts, and overall balance seemed more effective there. In the later chapters, when dialogue became more integral and progression through the scene was a bit more complicated, things seemed a bit hurried...or perhaps abrupt is a better times. This last chapter provided a good example, with the explanation given to Harry and the Aurors mashed in with James (II)'s internal thoughts.

I did also notice one stand-out plot inconsistency between Chapter 2 and Chapter 3. When you end Chapter 2, James (II) has gotten Dann/Danni's wand from her, giving HIM both wands, but when you start Chapter 3, Dann/Danni is the one with both wands. Just something I noticed.

Hope the review helps! Good luck as you go forward!

Author's Response:

I completely agree with your observations. The expanding plot sort of took over, and then I was left to tie up all those threads with a limited word count.

It seems that the most effective chapters dealt with only one element at a time. I'm thinking about trying this format again in the future, and I will definitely incorporated that into the structure for next time.

Thanks for the review!


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Review #8, by Remus One

27th March 2014:
Perelandra here from the forums!! I had to pick this story because it sounded interesting! It also made me wonder how you can make a story with just 500 words per chapter. So I had to pick this one! And I have to say, I find it very impressive that you combined 3 challenges at once! Hope you place on either one!

Gah that was over too quickly! Who is this Matt and that lady?

I absolutely loved your entire chapter. I loved the detail you give us without really going overboard with it. It's quick but the chapter still felt nicely paced.

You were quick at making me wonder what is James doing. What's his line of work? What happened? Who did he anger so much to have everything stolen from him? What' in the note!

So many questions! Hahaha! But that's good though! A good author makes you wonder right off the bat what is going on.

Question though. The line that says He could smell it: must, with a hint of shellfish. Is it "Musk" maybe? O.o That was the only thing that jumped right at me that seemed to disrupt the flow.

Wonderful start! Must know what happens next!


Author's Response: Hi there!

Yes, it had me wondering if 500 words was enough for a chapter too... not one of those "prologue teaser" quickies, but an actual beginning, middle, end with a twist things. I gave it my best shot.

Lots of questions, and believe me, I was asking the same thing, right along with "what have I gotten myself into, writing this way?" Hmm. I'll have to check my notes and see if that "must" was a typo or not. I have used the word "must" before, to describe the smell of grapes. It's a brewing term when you're making wine. Now I can't remember if that's what Matt smells like or not. Haha! I guess it doesn't matter, as long as it's consistent, because it comes up in another chapter. Gah! Now you're making me go and check!

Okay, nope. Only the clams repeats. So it could go either way. I'm gonna keep the "must" because it's more interesting and less sexy. And clams mixed with musk... blech! :P

Thanks for checking this out! I hope you can come back for more sometime!


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Review #9, by 800 words of heaven Four

27th March 2014:

Twice in one day! Woohoo! I'm on a roll.

Okay, so I had to read this chapter twice just because it messed with my head so much. It actually took me two goes to understand what was going on - like you had to watch Pirates of the Caribbean 2 and Inception again just to understand what was going on. Don't take that as a criticism. My absolute favourite thing about this story is because it leaves so much unsaid, yet still has all the important bits that make a story - like description and dialogue and everything. I think it's just great how you've used the 500 word limit per chapter as almost a character itself in this story and not let it encumber you. It adds such a unique flavour to your story - very film noir.

And poor James! I'm finally understanding (I think? I say this every time and I'm still wrong) what might be going on - namely, what on earth James actually does for a living.

Only two more chapters to go!

Author's Response: Hi!

Haha! Usually, having to read a chapter twice is a BAD THING. LOL! I hope you weren't too confused. Looking back on it, I probably stretched the limit on how much information I jammed into some of these chapters. This one wasn't as bad as some of the others, but I still felt that wordcount crunch every single time. This story was supposed to be only five chapters long, and I just couldn't do it!

Thanks for another review! I hope that the story becomes more clear as you get farther along... of course that only leaves two more chapters... *is nervous*

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Review #10, by 800 words of heaven Three

26th March 2014:

I'm sitting in a lecture right now, so obviously, this was the perfect time to play review tag! It was so lovely to get the chance to tag you again :)

And the plot thickens! So apparently James is working for the Ministry? Maybe? Probably? I still don't really know - that's half the charm. I feel like I'm reading a Jason Bourne film plot - James even looks like Matt Damon for some reason.

Ooh! Matt! What nefarious things have you been up to? Guess I'll have to read the next chapter (or the next... or possibly even the one after that) to find out!

Awesome stuff as always!

Author's Response: Hey! Hope this kept you awake in your lecture! LOL!

Well, James is working for... someone. And I don't mind it if you think he looks like Matt Damon. That would be cool, actually. Do you make banners? hehe.

Matt's definitely been up to something. And yes. Please do read the next chapter and tell me what you think!

Pretty please?

Thanks for the review!!

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Review #11, by SkyEcho Chapter 6

16th March 2014:
I am in awe of your story! If I didn't know that this was written in part for the 5 Elements Challenge, I wouldn't have thought that you had to add in some random things. Your incorporation of them was seamless. And keeping to the 500 limit in every chapter??! I never felt like you were cutting corners or that I was lost without the extra detail. This was action-packed, suspenseful and very well-written. I loved reading this! All the best for the challenge :)

Author's Response: Wow, thanks!

I love the Five Elements Challenge! I entered it a few years ago, and it's so exciting trying to fit all the prompts into the plot, finding connections, etc. Thanks so much for the wonderful compliments! I'm glad you liked it!

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Review #12, by True Author One

9th March 2014:
Hello! :)

This was really an incredible opening chapter! Since you mentioned in the summary that you have written this for the Uncomfortable Challenge, I asume you are stepping out of your comfort zone here and if so, it didn't seem like that. :) You pulled off the mysterious feel very well. That's what I liked the most!

And I can't believe you have combined three challenges here so wonderfully! I am currently struggling with an entry for two challenges and it's pretty difficult. I must take a few tips from you! ;)

Really great job! Just watch out for typos, they get highlighted when you are writing a 500 words chapter. :)


Author's Response: Hey! This was a very challenging challenge, indeed! And good luck on your challenges too!

Wait. Typos? Where?? I just re-read the chapter and didn't see any. Could you pm me with a list, please??

Thanks for the review!

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Review #13, by Akussa Chapter 6

3rd March 2014:
Wow, just wonderful!

I will say it for the last time : congratulations on pulling this of. Honestly, I've rarely been so hooked to a story and I'm in awe when I think that there have only been 3000 words written here. I feel like you have given so much details and this story had so mch action packed into it that it's ridiculus to think that it was only 6 chapters of 500 words. (I'm writting a story rieght now and the 7 first chapters all have 5000 words, that puts things in perspective...)

I simply loved the conclusion and how James and Dann turned things around to frame Matt. Although I do think he deserved it, I'm just so curious as to what a dead boggart might look like!
I really like how you had James and Dann coming up so fast with a story and Harry being just so open to believing his son like any father would. Surely he had suspicions about James at some point (if he's a good auror that is) but to completly buy his story like that, no more questions asked? Yesh, only a father can do that; the good auror would question more.

The pair that James an Dann make is just great and it's a good ides to have them working together after that; they have already proven that htey work well together and since neither of them is all that trustworthy, better keep a close eye on the other!!

I really enjoyed this story, amazing work and got me hooked from the beginning. Great, great job!

Author's Response:

Wow! I don't get many people hooked to my stories, so having you come back and review all these chapters was a real pleasure! And I'm so happy you loved it, even with all the corners I had to cut to get the wordcount to work out. My other story frequently bounces between 3500 and 5900 words per chapter. It's been a mindbender going back and forth between the two. But this story has taught me to go with the essential information first.

I'm afraid I'll have to leave the dead boggart imagery up to your imagination. I believe that whatever one sees will be a personalized experience, just a hundred times worse.

And yeah, I couldn't really kill Harry, because then everyone would hate me. But having it be his son makes it all the better to let James talk his way out of things... or Dann... or whoever talked fastest.

Hehe! I couldn't just let James get away completely free with this. Dann's going to keep a close eye on him for a good long while. Who knows? Maybe both of them will get themselves clean in the end? Oh wait. This is the end. Haha!

Thank you so much for appreciating this story in its crazy format! I loved reading your reactions and your lovely compliments!!

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Review #14, by Akussa Chapter 5

3rd March 2014:
Oo now that was quite the chapter! I admit I had to read it twice to be sure I had gotten all the informations correct and honestly? I'm still not sure I have.

Matt is one paranoid person to have created such a plan. So many levels of protection to hide his tracks and yet, an ogre wearing a tutu will be the end of him? Perfection! (Alright I know it won't end like that precisely but it's nice to imagine )

I can't believe there is only one chapter left and I feel like this story could go on forever; I'm so curious as to who Matt is, his motivations, his relation to Dann... And James! How did he get into this and why was he planning on leaving now?
And Dann!

My head is spinning but I'm just so excited, I need to read on! Great job creating this amazing story, the emotions and the addiction factor to it.

Author's Response:
Matt is indeed very paranoid about a lot of things. If you were in his line of work, I bet you'd be too. All the questions! Well, you know how this works. At this point, I only have 500 words left to answer them all. Let's see if I got you confused in the end... because that would kind of be bad of me...

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Review #15, by Akussa Four

3rd March 2014:
Back again after a while and how excited am I? Well, very, very much!

At first, I didn't know which chapter I had last read and my reflex was to think "well the last chapter I read was pertty short". Yes, that is a true story.

On to the review of this chapter then : wow! I'm so happy? Angry? Horrified? Curious? I don't even know how I feel anymore because I'm feeling too many things at once.

James really is a bad guy afterall? That is surprising! I thought you would have a not so clever and hard to believe explanation that would make him a good guy afterall but no, that is perfect! I really love it when authors stand behind their ideas and will dare to go the odd way out. Not many people would dare imagine James Potter, son of Harry Potter to have fallen on the wrong side. Not dark, just wrong.

I really how the story is progressing and will read the next chapter happily right now!

Author's Response: Hi!

I am so excited that you are excited to be back, you have no idea!

Haha! Of course it was "the short one". But I bet that didn't help you out much, did it? ;)

James is by no means squeaky clean in this story. He's the oldest son of a famous guy. Who else thinks they're going to get away with something? And you're right. Not dark. Just wrong.

Thanks so much for coming back!

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Review #16, by academica Three

25th February 2014:
Hello! Sorry for the delay; school has been busy. But I'm here with another requested review :)

Again, nice job narrating the action on this one. You kept a reasonably slow pace without losing the tension of the moment. I liked how you described the plan, as well as the little twist at the end. It seems like maybe we are just getting into the thick of the story! Perhaps now we'll find out what happened to Matt and how James wound up in this very unfortunate position.

At least Dann is trying to keep the situation under control, dealing with the guard like that. Poor James is being deceived by parties all around, it seems, between the issue with Matt and the Traceable Charm placed on the tooth. If he's anything like Harry, I doubt he'll take it well...

Nice work. Hope this review makes you smile!


Author's Response: Hi Amanda!

I hope school is going well for you, even if it's keeping you crazy busy. Anyhow, I'm glad you came by again!

This was one of those chapters where the plot kept trying to grow into a five-armed monster of a thing. It took a lot of willpower to hack it down to a more manageable size, but still, I feel like some of it escaped my control.

I'm glad the narration was clear. That was one of the things I tried hard to focus on, given the crazy word count, and maintaining the tension too.

Thanks again for the review! It did indeed make me smile!


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Review #17, by 800 words of heaven Two

25th February 2014:

I still can't decide if someone here is a spy or not. I feel like there should be one lurking around somewhere... they're the ones who are always up to dodgy things :P

Anyway, more insight into James'... er, job? A heist! Ooh! Exciting! The suspense builds! And the girl - who doesn't have a name yet - is involved in the same occupation as James? Yes? No? Maybe?

And who is Matt?

Basically, this story is awesome because you've done so wonderfully writing each chapter in just five hundred words, and I'm left asking all these questions. Obviously, my review skills need some work since all I did was ask questions rather than review - sorry about that. I'm just very excited!

Author's Response: It's YOU!!

At this point in the story, I was having a hard time deciding anything, so that strange, indecisive feeling you got from it... that was all me. Haha! But yeah, dodgy.

Yeah, the girl too. Hmm... You'll have to read more to get the answer to that question. ;) And that other question.

Nah, you can ask a bunch of questions and call it a review. I don't mind a bit. It shows me the kind of reaction you got from the story, so that's great. And you're EXCITED! I can't ask for more than that!

Thanks so much for the tag! See you next time!

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Review #18, by teh tarik Chapter 6

24th February 2014:
Ooh, I love how James and Dann teamed up to reverse the situation and frame Matt instead! That was a lovely twist. And I'm so intrigued to find out what a dead Boggart does! Ugh, I'm guessing the word limit won't allow you to elaborate! :P So you'll probably have to give me your theories somewhere else, baha!

It's a really fitting conclusion to such an exciting action-packed story. I still have a number of unanswered questions about this Matt person, but I'm guessing James doesn't know a lot about him either.

And I think James and Dann would be superb partners together! The whole sequence of events really proved how well they function in a team under stress. Love the inclusion of Harry in this as well! It's a nice contrast to see him all alive and well, compared to that awful Boggart scene.

Absolutely fantastic writing, Pix! This was quite some experience you took me on, and I'm so, so glad I had the chance to read this! You're a brilliant writer!


Author's Response: You are correct. James (and I as well, unfortunately) didn't have much time to dig for all the answers, and he's still living by the seat of his pants from yesterday. So until he sorts out where his stuff went, and how far he can throw Dann (or trust her, if he chooses poorly) he's not going to have much spare time to ponder these things.

I'm so glad you thought that Dann and James worked well together. Part of the Uncomfortable Challenge was a James/OC, so I went for the "partnership" vibe with them.

Thanks so much for going through each chapter and giving me your thoughts! I'm so glad you enjoyed the ride! Aww, and you're gonna make me blush with all your compliments!

See? I didn't really kill Harry. ;)

This was so much fun! Now go finish chapter three of your story!!

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Review #19, by teh tarik Chapter 5

24th February 2014:
My head is spinning a little. :P I'm trying to sort out all the little pieces of information (still can't believe how much there is to process for such a short chapter!). Of all the crates Dann and James could have shoved the Boggart into, they chose one that was a Portkey about to depart that exact moment. :P Or is this part of Matt's very, very elaborate set-up? o.O If it is, then I've got to admit that he's quite a meticulous planner.

I'm curious; I seem to have missed something here. Why was Matt targeting James? Why go all the way to frame the silent thief, to break into his apartment, send him a pill that will make him transform into Matt, retrieve a tooth that Matt had placed there (assuming Matt had placed it there), just to frame him for theft and future murder? Did he set up James' meeting with Dann as well?

And it sounds like Dann attempted to kill Matt, her long-lost brother, as well. It makes sense that the Boggart transforms into Matt. I'm wondering, though. If she did kill an innocent man in the past, thinking that she'd killed Matt, I wonder why she asks James in the second chapter if there are any bits left of him? And how come she feels that "she couldn't lose her partner a second time"? She seems to have displayed a change of feelings toward her partner. Or maybe she was aware that the man she killed in the past wasn't Matt?

Sorry if I'm asking really obvious questions! I've been up all night, and my brain is a little tired. But still, your fic is fantastic! I rarely question stories unless they're really good and make me think hard about them. Well done!


Author's Response:

I sort of packed this thing tighter than a space bag, didn't I? hehe. Yeah, this was one of those highly elaborate plans that someone agonized over. I wonder who could have done such a thing??

This is where I discovered that Matt's a bit OCD.

I was wondering that about Dann too. At this point, I had to go back and edit Dann's chapter to make it fit a bit tighter, but I didn't get all of it. So yeah. Could be a little tighter, but there was this deadline thing hanging over my head, and another chapter to write... don't you hate excuses? *hangs head*

This is where I imagined that Dann needed to find Matt to finish him off, if he was still alive... or something of the sort. It's not really clear in my head either. And no, you're not asking obvious questions. :)

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Review #20, by teh tarik Four

24th February 2014:

This has got to be the shortest, sharpest plot twist ever! I mean, wow. I really believed that was Harry there, and for a moment I was a little incredulous...Harry? This isn't one of those twisted father-son, mentor-pupil teaching games, is it? And then you revealed that the whole thing was a Boggart. Brilliant!

And so James' profession is a thief, not some kind of spy or something. (Or maybe he is, I can never tell with this story!)

This chapter left me a bit shaky! I'm going to read on.


Author's Response:

Yay! Plot twist!! Did you really believe that it was Harry, because that would have been so cool if you bought in to that. I really wanted it to be something that James would absolutely hate himself over. This was the only thing that made sense to me at the time.

Thanks for leaving your thoughts! It lets me know what worked and what *almost* worked with this story!

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Review #21, by teh tarik Three

24th February 2014:
I love that despite only having 500 words to each chapter (seriously CANNOT get over this fact :P ), you're still able to give some sense of a physical setting; I love the small visual details here and there: the huge T-Rex skeleton, the spotlight bulbs, the boredom of the security guard and so on. They're small things, but are really crucial in adding visual touches to an otherwise very sparse narrative. I can imagine James floating in the air, dodging dinosaur skulls!

Another plot twist: the tooth has been placed in the museum by magical folk, who appear to be guarding them as well. I can't even begin to guess why. I'm a bit thick; it just occurred to me that the tooth may be a very, very rare object in the wizarding world, seeing how difficult it must be to obtain (from basilisks!). Any chance that it's the same tooth as the one Harry used to slay Voldemort's diary Horcrux?

And whoa, how did Dann and James "disappear" and find themselves in that new place? Was there a secret portal or something? Hmm, I think this is one of the rare moments of your fic so far where I think a tiny bit more could be added to the narrative to clarify things a little. There's a chance you'll explain it in the next chapter, but right now, this disappearing event was so sudden that it's a little disorienting (it might be the effect you're going for, I dunno, but things are not very clear here). Perhaps just one extra sentence to orientate the reader would make a huge difference. Anyway, this is just my humble opinion; other readers might see things differently, so feel free to ignore this comment as you see fit.

But ooh! Finally we're getting to the bottom of this mystery with Matt. Fabulous writing!


Author's Response: I didn't imagine it as the exact same tooth as Harry's, but I did imagine that these teeth are quite rare, and whoever had one would go out of their way to protect it somehow.

And yeah, flying James dodging dinosaur skulls! Coolness!

I wondered if anyone was going to point out some places where I needed more words. There 's one alright. I tried really hard to keep the plot from expanding, but since I love plotting so much, it was kind of a losing battle. ;) (which is why I ended up with six chapters instead of five *sigh*)

Matt!! He's umm... well, I wasn't sure who he was yet at this point.

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Review #22, by teh tarik Two

24th February 2014:
Wow, things have just got a lot more thrilling! So there's a missing partner (I'll hazard a guess that Dann is an Auror or an investigator of some sort) who's possibly being held hostage somewhere, or gone rogue or something, there's a valuable Basilisk tooth somewhere in the British Museum and James is in the middle of a heist. And somewhere there's a connection between missing Matt and James' job and the people who came for him. You've got quite a terrific action/mystery here, and the most amazing thing is that you manage the whole plot into 500-word chapters! Still a bid mind-boggled at this! :P Love the speedy pacing of the story and quick plot development!

I'm on to the next chapter.


Author's Response:

Yep, all of those things are distinct possibilities that got set up in this chapter. I couldn't say that I had any more information than you did at this point. It was quite the whirlwind writing experience! I am very relieved that you're not confused by the information, because that wouldn't have been good. hehe.

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Review #23, by teh tarik One

24th February 2014:
Hello Pix! I'm here for the TGS review exchange! :) It's been a while since I read any work of yours (I remember that delightful Newt Scamander story!), so I'm glad we're paired up together this month and I get the chance to read some of your lovely new works.

I have to say I really enjoyed this opening chapter. I LOVE the sparseness of the style, the quick, abrupt sentences, and the bursts of action in certain parts of the chapter. For a 500 word chapter, you really do pack quite a lot into it, and this is one of the more intriguing first chapters I've come across lately. There's a lot that has yet to be revealed, and you manage to keep up that level of suspense and tension wonderfully; I sort of see your story as a fic version of one of those action movies that involve spies, conspiracies, disguises and car chases.

I'm very curious to find out the more about the nature of James' secret job, and who were those people who came for him and why. From the sound of them, he's probably lucky to get away with just a knock to his head. The transformation pill was a really clever wizarding object; I love that you can get a whole new disguise/identity with it, plus a wand as well. That really is a bonus.

And the woman shouting Riddikulus at him was both alarming and funny. I imagine she thought he was a Boggart (she must have really disliked this Matt guy, or have been deathly afraid of him, in order for her to think that James/Matt is a Boggart o.O ). Though she seems to have realised in the last part that something's amiss. Hmmm, this is so very exciting to puzzle out! What special magic is James doing in the musuem? And who set up James?

So many questions. Absolutely riveting chapter, Pix! I'm off to read the next one.


Author's Response: HEY! I am so happy to be paired with you this month! It's been an age!

The style is pretty crucial to this sort of format. I've read a few 500 word entries where they've tried to be all descriptive and flowy, and it was almost like they just ran out of words or never quite got to the point of the piece, you know? I didn't want to have that issue, but man, it doesn't leave a lot of room for much.

So many questions!! I wasn't sure about the answers at this point either. I'm glad you liked it so far!

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Review #24, by Courtney Dark Chapter 6

22nd February 2014:
Ahhh, this was a great way to end the story! You were definitely a deserving winner of the Uncomfortable Challenge, nice job!

I think Dann and James did an excellent job covering up their tracks and keeping a completely straight face while lying to Harry and the Aurors. The only thing is I now really want to know what James and Dann would get up to next!

Thank you for sharing this awesome story with us all!


Author's Response: Aww, thanks for hosting the great challenge! I don't think I'd have tried something as ambitious as this without your ideas.

I'm so glad you liked what I came up with here. And thanks again for the lovely reviews!

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Review #25, by Courtney Dark Chapter 5

22nd February 2014:
Woah, woah, WOAH! My head is seriously spinning!

I loved the way Dann and James tackled that boggart together. Nice team work! And the ogre in the pink tutu was an interesting choice!

And now there's a portkey! Wow! There is so much mystery and so many plot twists in this more chapter to go and I still have no idea how it is going to end!

I am so confused about Matt! Is he real? Dead? Alive? Sort of reanimated corpse? Whatever or whoever he is, I don't like him!

Oooh, James is going to set the boggart on Matt! Nice plan, I can't wait to see how it plays out!


Author's Response: Oh no! I hope you don't get vertigo from my story!!!

Would you believe that at this point, I wasn't quite sure how this story was going to end either? Well, I wasn't. It was the biggest off the cuff thing I've ever tried to do, posting immediately after the chapters were finished... I NEVER do that!

I think the heightened suspense you're feeling is from me flailing around with the plot... haha! Just kidding. It was so fun to think up crazy ways this story could go.

Thanks for another great review!

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