25 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Josette_Phoenix In Which Ivan Adventures Like a Man

19th June 2014:
Well this just keeps getting colourfuller and colourfuller! I am LOVING Max!! This whole parody thing reminds me of something out of Monty Python or something, with the stuck in slow-motion bit and the Crotchety One with the spoon-lumberjacks. This story is definitely worthy of Princess Bride ;)

Your verdant description of Beinn Nibheis was absolutely beautiful, so rich with imagery that I felt like I was in a Beatrix Potter movie or something - and I loved the list of flowers and plants, it added that extra depth.

I'm also loving the place names, in original Celtic-British or whatever it is, and Latin. And still with the hilarious jargon ... it just makes the speech that much more hilarious.

You've created the perfect mix here: history + parody + non-conformism + Potterverse = AWESOME :D

Cheerio!

Author's Response: I'd been trying to stay clear of Monty Python humor (but failing miserably)... that's okay though!

I had to do a bit of research as to what flora and fauna were abundant on which parts of the mountain... I think the research took longer than writing the actual chapter, so I'm really glad that you liked it!

Thanks so much!

-Rumpel


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Review #2, by Josette_Phoenix In Which Ivan Dreams Like a Man

19th June 2014:
Hi there! Time for some overdue reviews ;)

I absolutely LOVE this. Max is fantastic, I love how he's used to pull the reader in and out of the story - it reminds me of Brechtian escapades in drama.

You really seem to now what you're talking about, with the Medieval jargon and the historical references - it makes the story all the more richer and interesting!!

I just love the entire premise of this story, the POVs, the historical context, the interesting characters (Ivanna/Ivan is FANTASTIC), and I can't wait to keep reading!!

Cheerio,
Jo

PS: there is a typo near he end when Nicholi is upset at Ivanna/Ivan for wooing Bessie - "It was vital that Nicholi be able to preform appropriately ..." Is it meant to be perform??

PPS: Grundyblossom?? I LOVE IT.

Author's Response: Hey there!

Heheh, I'm glad you like this -- Max seems to take all of the glory, though ^.^.

I did take some courses on Shakespearean/Elizabethan, but it's mostly just spouting nonsense for fun.

Oops, I'll fix that typo, thanks!

Grundyblossom ^.^.

Thanks so much!

-Rumpel


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Review #3, by toomanycurls In Which Ivan Adventures Like a Man

24th May 2014:
Hello again!!!

Woah! They're fighting a troll - you just jumped into the action. Roderick is quite brave and action-y. He's kind of cute too, right? :D I mean, I'm married but I was asking for a friend. *cough*

I should just iterate, between my giggles, that I love Max's narration. Can you lend me Max for a while? To narrate that is! Nothing dodgy. ;)

You used the quote - it was great and flowed really well into Max's voice. :D

Are they climbing the cliffs of insanity?!!

Hey, I didn't know i was in this story!!! (The Crochety One)

Yes! A side mission. I can't wait. Please tell me when there's more of this up. :D

-Rose

Author's Response: Hello!

Roderick is handsome and brave, but tell your friend that he is kind of an idiot ;).

Sure thing, Max won't mind.

Baha, yes, Rose, I made you the Crochety One ;).

Side mission (you know, for bonus experience and level ups). Will do!

-Rumpel


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Review #4, by toomanycurls In Which Ivan Fights Like a Man

24th May 2014:
I'm back!! I believe you've been expecting me.

So far, my favorite line is “O'course he do! Tehms nobility-types ne'er knows wha's ter meanins o'notin'!” - mainly because it made me giggle and then my husband gave me a look.

I love that the peasants are hustling Ivan for information. It's very enterprising of them.

People who smell like the privy make me never want to leave the house again. :-x

Roderick is funny - he can't hear Max, right? I remember reading that. I could scroll up and look but... nope, not gonna do it. :P

I loved Ivan's retort about, um, things I can't say in a 12+ review. Just know that I laughed. Then I had to explain myself. Good thing Max is there to censor your foul language

GO IVAN!!!

sorry, I'm a screamer when it comes to sports.

THEY'RE CHASING HELENA?!?! SO EXCITING! This just got extra exciting!!!

I'm so excited for Ivan to go on her adventure!!!

Awesome chapter!
-Rose

Author's Response: Rose!

I really have no idea what I'm doing with this story...it's just silly rambling ^.^. Though, it is a bunch of fun for me.

...those peasants are more clever than they look (and sound) :). Oh, I'm sure that they were used to the smell of privy.

No, Roderick can't hear Max (you don't have to scroll anywhere). At the moment, Ivan can only hear Max but there will be others eventually.

Heheh, I had to do something...that conversation was headed into some dangerous territory...

Yay, Helena! ...and Adventure!

Thanks!!

-Rumpel


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Review #5, by marauderfan In Which Ivan Adventures Like a Man

28th April 2014:
Gaaa, it's taken me ages to get to this, sorry! But now that I have a computer again, it won't take me 3 weeks to see your chapter updates anymore, yay!

I am so glad to be reading this right now btw, because I just read a really sad book and cried so much and I'm ready to laugh at mildly perilous misadventures right now.

Slow motion action sequences really help heroes and heroines act heroically and sheath their swords accurately betwixt the scales of a dragon. This story would make a great movie. Except due to the slow mo, it would be really long. Like it probably took Ivan about 30 seconds to actually leap at the dragon.

Wait no, it's a troll not a dragon. Do trolls really have scales? Roderick said something about scales, I think that's why I was under the impression that it was a dragon. Ok, cool, trolls have scales. I'm trying to imagine what a scaly troll would look like and my mental image is something like a dinosaur without a tail, and a much bigger head.

Wow sorry, I literally have no ability to use words after reading that book and so this review is complete rubbish sorry.

Princess Bride quote! Haha, I entered in this challenge too, it was a brilliant challenge - and fantastically quotable movie. Anyway, the quote is flawlessly integrated. Max's narration just works so perfectly with it!

Omg, I seriously love you forever. First of all, you used the word PLETHORA in you story which is one of my favorite words ever. And, my botanist heart is so glad to see all these mentions of liverwort and sundew and saxifrage, which might be an unremarkable passage of the story to an average/normal person but I'm just like anjdsfojs yay plants.

This sounds like a very beautiful place where they are. Golden eagles? I saw a video once where there were golden eagles picking up mountain goats by the horns and carrying them off cliffs, which is pretty impressive for the eagle.

They're cutting down saplings with spoons? I suppose that is only mildly more successful than attempting to chop down the tallest tree in the forest with a herring.

The Crotchety one... lolol. I can only assume they mean either the troll or Ebenezer Scrooge.

I'm sorry that I'm crazy and my review is crazy. But this story is brilliant, Rumpel. Love it. MOAR PLZ

Author's Response: Hey there!

Pfft! I haven't been over to your story in AGES! Don't worry about it :D.

Slo-mo is the way to go with action, sometimes! Oh, it could use at least 30 seconds to leap, definitely.

I have no idea if trolls have scales...I only write this when I'm extremely overtired so I generally have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about.

When do my reviews ever make sense? ;)

Oh, I know! I love that movie! The quote was actually meant to be in later, but I needed to have it for the challenge, so I figured that I should include it.

Did I use plethora :D? I did it just for you! I actually had to do research to see what plants grew naturally on that mountain, and how far up the mountain they grew. ...then there was the fauna. There's a ton of plants that end in "wart" on that mountain ;).

O.O I didn't know that the golden eagle was such an intense bird!

Lol, only mildly. The Crotchety One just doesn't like noise.

Thanks so much!! ♥

-Rumpel


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Review #6, by Pixileanin In Which Ivan Adventures Like a Man

8th April 2014:
Review Swap!

"Like a leaping leper..." I am seriously chortling right now. I have heard this phrase, and I, too am puzzled by it. And though the encounter was wildly adventurous and wonderful, I agree with Roderick. (never thought I would, lol!) Loosing a sword at the outset of a quest is not a good sign. The words between them afterward are hilarious! I purposefully did not read the Glossary, just so I could encounter the words in context, and when I got there, I had great fun. It was pretty easy to guess the meaning. Very colorful!

I love that Max has conveniently skipped the boring parts of the journey and hurled us into the action. Love.

Here, I'm trying to picture Roderick in his shiny gold armor, scaling the mountain path amidst all the rustic beauty. That alone is funny.

"Sounds like a side quest..." Hee hee! I need to have someone point that out when I'm writing stories and I get too distracted with side plots. Too funny!

When I read the bit about the men (supposedly) cutting down saplings in the forest with spoons, I felt like I was reading a fairytale. In fact, my brain was on overdrive, trying to recall if there indeed is a fairytale about men cutting down saplings with spoons, because it sounds so much like a fairytale thing to do. Kuddos to you if that's an original idea!

So now, Roderick and Ivan are faced with a castle where a (supposedly) evil man, who is old, lives - and does not want to be disturbed by noise. I loved how Max just came out and supposed everything for us, because I can't really see how any character would come up with that on their own so early in the story. It's definitely much better than having the men with spoons (that sounds like a movie title now...) explain everything.

This whole story has a distinct "Princess Bride" feel to it, what with the narrator being involved in the story. The quote fit perfectly! In fact, it fit so perfectly that I didn't blink at it (except for when I saw the astericks), and I have seen that movie many, many times. Excellent use of quote. Seamless. I bet Max was very proud of you!

Now I am curious about The Crotchety One, and what sort of evil he has in store for both of our heroes... thought I must reserve Roderick's heroic status until he shows me some proof. *is very nitpicky about hero status*

So much fun!!!

Author's Response: Hey there!

I have absolutely no idea where I heard that phrase from, but it doesn't make sense, does it? :D Perfect. No, losing her sword was not in her best interest -- never fear, I have *plans* ;). Yay for free-styling! I don't think that there was too much in the Glossary that wasn't fairly straightforward. Some of the explatives could have been taken as regular interjections, but I sense that you got the main idea :D.

Boring parts of the story are boring, and have no place in a parody.

I want to know how Roderick maneuvers up the mountain in golden armor, enchanted or not. Ah, well, he manages.

Hah, the side-quest. I'm not sure when this turned slightly into a video game... this story writes itself, I swear that I have little to do with it -_-. I only work on this when I'm overtired, because at least then *I* will think that I am funny ;). What my brain turns into a story in that state...well... you know.

I have read a TON of fairy tales over the years, but I don't reccommend any men cutting down saplings with spoons :D.

The Cotchety One, otherwise known as side-quest number one! Max thought it would be a good idea to explain everything, because the men were preoccupied trying to cut down things with spoons.

I love that movie, and this was inspired by the "Princess Bride" quote challenge, so I'm glad it has that feel to it. Hooray! I'm also very glad that you think that I did a good job at including the quote into the story.

Just remember that Roderick is an idiot :D.

Thanks!

-Rumpel


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Review #7, by kenpo In Which Ivan Adventures Like a Man

8th April 2014:
Hey! Swappity Swap!!

Okay, when I started, I had to go back and see if there was a cliffhanger I didn't remember. Once I got myself all sorted out, I thought that your beginning was really amusing and I loved it.

Leaping lepers... hah...

Thank you for the reassurance that my heroes are okay. I was a little worried. I'm still concerned about the dust, though...

I love where you put the Princess Bride quote. It's fantastic. Oh my. That made me laugh.

I'm a fan of Max. But you already knew that.

HA. I may be well out of a job. Because his job is to keep his sims alive. I hope he remembers to save before he quits...

Beinn Nibheis? Is that the original spelling of Ben Nevis? Because I'm literally sitting here in a Ben Nevis hoodie.

It's blue. I also have a purple one. Just letting you know.

Roderick seems kinda like a sketchy dude. I'm not sure how I feel about him. Max can drown him in the pool.

Haha. Forests as fillers. Haha. Yup. That happens.

You haven't discredited my theory!! It stands!!

I'm sorry I'm so weird and loud and committed to my fanfiction head-fanon. I don't even know what to call fanfiction theories. I'm going with head-fanon? Any ideas?

So, as usual, this is great. You write this style so well! It's ridiculous, but you make it seem serious. You write well. I don't know what I'm trying to say. It's funny, but if you were just skimming it, I wouldn't immediately know that it was funny.

It's subtle. I think that's what I'm trying to say. And your writing isn't suffering for the humor, which is something I see a lot (like in my own writing...).

I can't wait for the next update!! Wooo!!

Author's Response: Hey there!

I have no idea what I was doing, once again. I thought it would be fun to hop into some action, and have Max become confused. Leaping lepers :).

Never fear, a little dust never hurt anybody.

I was saving it for later in the story, it was going to be concerning Helena, but I needed in for the challenge. So, I found a better place for it ;).

Baha, if he didn't save, we'd have to start the story all over again!

It is the Scottish-Gaelic name for Ben Nevis :D. See, Max wrote this just for your hoodies ;).

Roderick is just an idiot, don't mind him. Though drowning him in a pool may alter the storyline...

I was going to make a filler with a mini-adventure through the forest, but it wasn't working. So, I made the forest small and made the statement. (I only work on this when I'm way too overtired to be writing... that's the trick to writing parodies, you know.)

Head-fanon works, and you're allowed to be loud and weird :D it makes me laugh.

Thanks so much!!!

-Rumpel


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Review #8, by CambAngst In Which Ivan Dreams Like a Man

2nd April 2014:
Hi, Rumpel!

Wow, this story is unique in just about every way I can think of. The era is not one you often see written, the characters are completely fresh and new, magic -- at least so far -- figures only indirectly into the story and the narrative style is really engaging!

I think I'll start with the narrative style. It makes me think of an older Disney cartoon, where the characters sometimes take umbrage at the things the narrator has to say about them. You're definitely creating a very different reading experience from nearly any other story on the site. I feel a bit like I'm intruding on some private affair at certain points, and it's delicious. Almost like I'm getting away with something!

You've captured some very interesting and under-appreciated aspects of a bygone era. It must have been very frustrating to be a girl with no desire to wed a noble lord or a young man who prefers the quiet company of his books to the glory of inheriting his family's estate. Poor Ivan and Nicholi both seemed destined for a life that's nothing like their dreams... unless they take matters into their own hands. And disappoint their father. Greatly.

I think you did a really good job of starting to build up your characters without going overboard on dumping in back story. I know the basics of who they are and the era they're coming of age in. I understand some of their goals and dreams and challenges. I can definitely sympathize with their plight.

Your writing style is a fascinating mix of elegant and abrupt. I love the way that you transition between the two.

I saw a single, lonely typo as I was reading:

Ivan discovered that she could levitate object, by the mere thought of doing so. -- objects

Great start!

Author's Response: Hey there!

This story is incredibly fun to write, even with short chapters and silly jokes.

I'm honestly not sure how Max and the interactive narrative came to be, as it certainly wasn't planned. It just happened as I was writing, and it made me laugh (which was the main point) so Max became a permanent presence that I've been getting really lovely feedback on.

During one of my courses several years ago, I was required to study Shakespeare -- that helped give me a feel of the time era. One of the aspects that I found most interesting about the time was women's societal roles, and was actually the subject of one of my research papers.

Oh, lonely typo, I'll have to fix that!

Thanks so much!

-Rumpel


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Review #9, by toomanycurls In Which Ivan Dreams Like a Man

28th March 2014:
Hello!! I'm here for the challenge (and because I can't hold back from reviewing any longer)

You did a wonderful job with Max as the narrator - I think it's so different and unique from your other writing and I feel you've really branched out to do this. You also nailed the speech and style for this period. Not just with the dialogue (which is superb) but with the way Max talks and explains the story.

Poor Ivan gets no love from her dad. Maybe it's just me, but a lecherous bride seems like a bonus!! :P (I know, historical representation but I can't help but make my modern comments!)

Oh I could see magic being constrewed as demon possession or something to do with the devil.

I laughed quite a bit as Max described Ivan changing in ways that Nicholi didn't. I laughed even harder when Ivan told Max to get on with the story. Reading this makes me think it should be a Monty Python-ish movie.

I like that neither of them really want to marry but at least Ivan is more accepting of her sexual urges (and knows which way she swings).

This story is just brilliant and full of potential for awesome!

-Rose

Author's Response: Hey!

Max sort of just happened while I was writing this... I have absolutely no idea... I had a ton of fun going through my old Elizabethan notes from studying Shakespeare's works, but I also mixed it together with standard English for readability purposes.

Modern comments are perfectly acceptable. I've been getting all sorts of comments, ranging from LOTR comments to the Sims o.O.

I've also been getting plenty of Monty Python comments -- I suppose it's difficult to write a parody in this era without leveling the Monty Python playing-field :D.

Thanks so much!

-Rumpel


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Review #10, by SeverusLove In Which Ivan Fights Like a Man

24th March 2014:
Why, hullo Zchen! (Figured it out yet? I thought so.) [becauseithoughtsoappliestoanyanswer]

Anyway, me again. Hey there, how's it going? To start off, pardon me for any mistakes or if there are portions about this review that is hard to understand. While I'm writing this, I'm feeling a tad sleepy so I may not be able to organise my thoughts in the most efficient way. Feel free to PM me for clarification on any sentence/s that makes you scratch your head. :')

If I want to, I never read the previous reviews left in a chapter I am about to review. This is because reading others' gushing and/or critique might influence my own to subconsciously be more aware for those. Since I want my review to be as fresh as possible with my own ideas and opinions, I only read the reviews after I've done mine. Reading over the reviews of the first chapter, I was most amused by the theory of Max playing Sims since it did seem entirely plausible and it was hilarious. (Annnd yes, you could so make this a LotR crossover! :'D) ...Yeah, it was just something I thought to mention.

Putting the first chapter aside, when I first opened this second chapter and read the first few lines, it occurred to me that unlike a third voice in which the narration can pertain to the character-in-question's own opinion by choice of words to describe a certain event, writing it with a personified narrator clearly makes the chosen words for descriptions (like the [Ivan left the idiots to ogle their gain] portion) stem from Max's personal opinion. This confuses me a bit at times because it still surprises me when Max and the actual characters of the story interact with each other out of nowhere, though I'm getting used to it.

(Ah, comic relief.) In this particular portion -

["All our bravest men left this morn," Brirk the pub owner informed. "They've business in Wessex, they do."

Roderick was agitated, or so it would seem. Ivan surmised that he'd been forced to repeat himself multiple times to the idiots, as they were easily distracted.

Ivan asked, "I did?"]

I initially thought she was responding to the pub owner's statement and it was a proud kind of reaction with the sort of subtle insinuation that she was part of 'our bravest men', so when I read the next portion -

[Indeed.

"Hm."]

I was quite confused to what Max was talking about and who was speaking. Only after I read the portion after that did I realise what was going on. I reread the above portions and it was made clear to me.

Some parts made me laugh, the parody over 'Mary Stu' and the [who can destroy the demons within Ivan, causing her to switch back to her intended team] bit, the moment I realised Onlian Extra and Nother Extra's names (that scene reminded me a lot of an Alice in Wonderland scene with the Tweedle twins), and a lot of little portions gave me a fit of giggles (a quick tea break in the middle of a sword fight? Really?).

So I stand by what I said in the first chapter in that Max can sort of disrupt the flow of the story sometimes, but then again, they're all equivalent sacrifices for humour, so... ;)

The tone of this chapter was really different from the first one because it was more lighthearted and definitely a lot more Max in it. (Yes, I do think he kind of overpowered it in this chapter. Just a bit. Since he keeps drawing the focus back to him...but if that was your intention, then it's no problem with me.)

The plot and pace seemed a bit rushed in this chapter like the portion about the sword fight and sneaking into her brother's room, so it also seemed a bit too short of a chapter with a lot of dialogue in it. Longer scenes or added scenes might be nice to add on a little to the length of the story. In all honesty, it was a bit disappointing as I didn't find the depth I got from the first chapter but since this is a humour/parody fic and all, I guess I ought to get used to the more lighthearted tone until something tragic happens with her father or brother or something like that, lol.

Roderick Gryffindor is an interesting character, I thought he was just a parody off Godric, so the fact that he was actually Godric's [i]son[/i], well, that was a pleasant surprise. And yay for AU allowing for freedom in alterations to the Grey Lady and the Bloody Baron's story!

I stand by what I said about the description and sentence structure. As long as its perfectly comprehensible, it's all good with me. (Bonus points for utilising the humorous way of telling zi story!)

Format is all fine and dandy, too, only the part where it double spaces before the next scene bothered me a little (because I'm nitpicky like that with a story format's consistency, smh, feel free to ignore me on this).

But then, overall and in general, it remained an entertaining read that brought a lot of amusement so great job with that! The most vivid moment and one of my favourite descriptions was definitely the part where she sees Roderick in all gold and Marty Stu-ish as she walks across the room but then later realises her mistake and Max credits it due to her being lightheaded from the stench of the 'idiots'. From 'A man' to 'made of gold' - the full four paragraphs of it. I liked the description. :')

And that's that! Phew, there's me finally completing this! :D /isproud/ Thank you again for requesting this. I tried to make the best out of it; I hope I was of some help to you. I'll see you around, yeah? :D

Keep Writing,
~ Sevvy
*bows*

P.S. I decided to send the grammar/spelling bits from this chapter along with the ones from the first chapter, over the forums as well. It would be kind of silly and impractical to have them permanently up for public view here after you later edit in the corrections.

Author's Response: I still have no idea what Zchen means, and it is really disturbing me! I'll have to do more research...

You really did these much faster than I expected O.o .. like, WOW fast (because that's about how eloquent I am at the moment).

Hahaha, yeah, Kenpo pretty much demanded that her guess was correct :D. So, I'll let her believe that Max is playing the Sims. I was playing with an idea that could border on a LOTR crossover, but I'll have to see how that pans out.

Oh, yeah, I can see how that could be confusing with Max speaking directly to Ivan. I should probably attempt to bring more clarity to that portion so that the readers know that Ivan is addressing Max and not Brirk. I should probably attempt to make it clear at ALL times when Max and another character are interacting directly, which hadn't really occurred to me.

The 'Mary Stu' portion left me feeling uncertain, and I considered eliminating it. I've been getting some pretty good feedback from it, so I'm glad it was appreciated. You see, there's sometimes that I believe something is funny... and it's just not. As for the Xtras, I'm really glad you caught that, because not everybody has. I suppose they do share a likeness with the Tweedles! The tea break, well, I blame that on being overtired and being silly :D.

Yes, the give and take, right?

This was a lighter chapter, as I meant for it to be a transitional chapter. That being said, I was running out of actual events that could have occurred, and it is painfully short (and filled with Max). I would like to add more depth to it. As I've said before, however, if I cannot seem to extend this chapter further I may have to combine it with the first chapter. I would consider adding the next chapter, but that one is turning out a bit lengthy and there's a significant time lapse, so... There are some substantial dark and angsty portions of this, so I'd like to add the humor wherever I can.

Roderick was perhaps not the most ingenious name, but I like it :D. I've really wanted to write with the Baron for a while, and this gave me a perfect opportunity!

The spaces were quite large, though it wasn't intentional. I would like it more uniformed as well.

Thanks so much! You've been so much help ♥ !

If there's anything I can do in return, just PM me, yeah?

Thanks again! ♥ ♥ ♥

-Rumpel


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Review #11, by SeverusLove In Which Ivan Dreams Like a Man

24th March 2014:
Hey there Zchen! (bonus points to figuring out the name ;D)

SeverusLove here from the forums and thank you so much for stopping by and dropping this off at my review thread! I must say, I absolutely adore Elizabethan English, Old English, Victorian Era English, and archaic words (a major reason why I'm so taken with LotR) so seeing a story riddled with it like this naturally amplified my interest. (I basically started off by staring at the Glossary for a while and going "D'aww, thiz English." :'D)

According to experience, stories with particularly long titles are usually in the humour genre. This be another point in fact.

I've seen a good many lot attempt this style of a story in which the narrator is personified and given his own voice/personality but as it is yet the first chapter, I cannot come to a conclusive opinion of your use of him as of yet. However, I have already noticed the existence of its advantages and disadvantages. That being it has greatly aided in providing endless opportunities for inserting humorous comic relief, but at the risk of disrupting the flow of the story. For example, in the section where Max is directly addressed for the first time, long paragraphs of narrator-y descriptions preceded it and I had delved really deep in it, but when I reached the part here:

[Ivan could not only -

"Sir Maximus!" Ivan scolded me, still standing in the frozen scene that we left her in. "The back story is becoming unnecessarily garrulous, and I'm cramping from holding this position!"]

I was taken by surprise and jolted out of the images formed in my head especially by the sudden use of the word 'me', as I had been reading it thus far under the assumption of the third point of view though I realise now that I should have known better, and also by the cliffhanger of the last line and wondering what the continuation to that narration should have been. It was rather amusing, however, because of the bit of truth in the 'garrulous' part and the picture of the the present being frozen and the main character complaining of cramps because of it.

Also, I felt during the earlier part of the narration where Max added that [That's right, children - though, none of you are actually children, as you need to be 17 or older to be reading this due to the maturity rating and applicable warnings - Ivan had manly swagger.], I felt that it kind of disrupted the flow a bit; but I won't deny the bit about 'manly swagger' made me snicker and then decide to forgive that. It was like sacrificing a bit for some humour. Give and take, yeah?

But having Max is like having that second opinion objective from the characters' and that speaks for the majority at large like in the line - [and who would much rather prefer that the narrator, and everybody else for that matter, refer to her as "Ivan", though most refuse her this luxury as it is most uncouth]. Thus far, I don't think he has overpowered the story much yet as I happen to be

Whether these elements are good for the story or bad, varies according to the personal opinion of each reader so you shouldn't be too worried about it. As for me, I am more or less neutral with it. :)

The pacing of the story and the progression of the plot thus far has been consistent and I can't find portions that requires pointing out of being either too rushed or too slow, but as it is yet the first chapter, again, I can't yet form a conclusive opinion on that. The length of the chapter, I think, is just about right. Though for those particularly taken with the story, I can imagine being a bit short.

There were some portions I had to reread to comprehend, but that may only be because I was a tad distracted. Your description is wonderful and perfectly comprehensible to me but I suppose it's because I noticed we have a similar style of sentence structure in the use of commas, dashes, and hyphens, in which we share a close friendship with commas and thus, commas are abundant. (Though be wary - sentences can run a bit long because of that; let the last sentence be a case in point.)

I like how you emphasised your characterisation of both OCs with the small things like the image of Ivanna running across the grounds and the chambermaids blushing after her because of her flimsy clothing, or scaling the wall to Nicholi's room where he is pacing with anxiety, as well as his opinion of his sister being an interesting case to study. It is these small things that offers another dimension to the OC, which I most value.

I see the bits of magic you put into it - the bit about Ivanna actually being a witch (to the knowledge of no one but the readers yet) and the twist of everyone else thinking it was the demons and a blasphemy to 'Him'.

Overall and in general, it was an entertaining and pleasant read, the most vivid lines being [In fact, Ivan constantly sought her father's blessing and praise, but could only receive it indirectly, by the attention paid to her brother, Nicholi, instead.] and all her innocent reasons for wanting to become a man - [grandeur, adventure, glory, power, (ignoring the latter part for personal preference)]. My favourite part was definitely the 'dramatic speaking and flamboyant body movements' as part of their lessons as the olden days does tend to be portrayed as such.

Despite my preferences and uncomfortable areas, I've endeavored to be objective and to keep an open mind so I hope you find some of these of some help. I shall review the next chapter when I can. Keep writing, yeah?

Best Regards!
~ Sevvy
*bows*

P.S. As the character limit will not allow me to add in the spelling/grammar discrepancies I have managed to pick out, however few they are, I will be PMing them to you over the forums, alright?

Author's Response: Hey there,

You reviewed these two chapters like you were getting paid for it! That's awesome. There will be no bonus points for me, because even Google cannot give me a meaning to Zchen. :(

Phew, I'm glad that you appreciate archaic language, because it could have been tedious otherwise. The original title was much shorter, but every time I changed it...it just continued getting longer and longer. Though, I have had many comments on having the longest title in HPFF history (but I think I could find a longer one if I really tried).

Max was created specifically for comic relief to the darker portions of the story. His sudden insertion after much background information was intended to break up the dryness of the introduction, though it is quite jarring. That was something that I hadn't quite noticed, but I will consider making the voice of the narrator clearer in the beginning of the chapter.

Max's braking of the fourth wall, calling the readers "children", was meant purely for my own amusement. I really does disrupt the flow, though, doesn't it? I find that I enjoy writing this story better when I'm extremely overtired, so this actually has a ton of meaningless happenings meant to make myself laugh. So, yeah, I suppose it's all give and take. I hadn't thought about it like that before, so thank you.

Yeah, I suppose it would be opinion-based on whether they were good, bad, or indifferent.

This chapter, I was fairly satisfied with as far as length, mostly because the remainder of the content I wanted to save for the second chapter. However, if I cannot manage to bulk up some of the second chapter, I may have to consider combining the two.

I have always had a comma addiction, and sometimes that has made trouble for me. I try to keep a close eye out, but I still seem to end up with run-ons and whathaveyou.

I am glad that you liked the characterization, because I love OCs and find them very fun to write. I have a problem, where all of my characters require character sheets before I begin to write. It helps me keep on track, though does dampen significant character growth (which I have to be careful of).

With the time, I thought it was appropriate to have Ivan's magical ability be viewed as some demonic power.

Thanks so much for taking a look at this, though it may not be down your alley. You've been extremely helpful (and timely, to boot).

I've received the PM (thank you, thank you), it was really helpful. Despite looking over it myself, it still seems that typos and errors escape me!

Thanks so much!

-Rumpel


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Review #12, by Maelody In Which Ivan Fights Like a Man

24th March 2014:
Hey! Sorry it took so long to get to this! Work and all, you know? :)

I love the names you use in this chapter! Xtra and Nother Xtra made me laugh, and boy do I wish I could hear how they actually talk! XD crazy! And scammers! I'm surprised Ivan tolerated them for so long lol.

She must have thought his eyes were gold because of the armor's reflection, right? ;) Though that whole lesson on gold was hilarious. I really do love Max! :D

Marty Stu is the BEST character EVER! ( obviously!) ;) I'm pretty sure I'm right on this, but the play on Mary Sue was great. :)

One correction I saw needed to be made, though very small, was, "“What? Why would I allow each of you two shillings when I only need one of you to tell me what I need to know.”" It should be a ? yeah? :)

This really is great. It's super original, it gets me laughing, and I love the topics it covers. They're great, and Max is just so snarky! You really excell in the comedy and that's what makes this so enjoyable! Super great job and I can't wait to read chapter three! :D

Author's Response: Oh, I understand! Sorry it took so long to respond!

Haha! I'm glad that you caught the Xtras. I only work on this story when I'm over-tired, and have to go back and reread all of the madness while I'm awake. ...the things that happen while I'm mildly dillusional... They provided some nice filler (and pointless) conversation!

I'm glad you enjoyed the lesson on gold ;) and Max!

Yes, you're right! Marty Stu is the male-version of a Mary Sue, and your reaction was exactly what I was going for!

Yes, it should be a question mark! Thank you!

Thanks so much!! This is really fun to write, but I think any comedy has to be credited to my sleepy-mind rather than my lucid mind!

-Rumpel


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Review #13, by Ravenclaw333 In Which Ivan Dreams Like a Man

16th March 2014:
This is a brilliant start to what promises to be a unique, interesting and witty story! I like your use of a narrator as a separate character, and it certainly allows for more freedom with the parody and breaking of the fourth wall. Ivan promises to be an interesting character, and you're dealing with issues of sexuality and gender identity very well. It's a difficult balance to strike when writing parody, but you've made the telling of the story the target, rather than the character. Very well done and I look forward to reading more! Thanks for entering the challenge and good luck!

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks so much! Max naturally appeared while writing the story, though I'm not entirely sure how. I blame writing when over-tired, which seems the only time that I've been able to work on the parody.

I wanted to deal with issues of sexuality and gender issues as a more serious aspect to the story, despite it's tendency to act as a parody, so I'm glad that you think I'm dealing with them nicely.

Thanks so much!

-Rumpel


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Review #14, by Lululuna In Which Ivan Fights Like a Man

20th February 2014:
Hi again! :)

Yay, another chapter of Max! I was really excited for this.

Also, sidebar, I love how you've specified that wench is not a negative term but typical use for a young lady! I read a late Victorian book where they kept calling the girl "wench" and I was shocked by it but apparently it's a thing, hehe.

Ivan's womanizing ways made me laugh, especially how she was so intrigued to hear tell of a maiden. She's so sneaky, though it really doesn't seem fair that she can't have proper relationships with the maidens due to her predicament.

Hehe, the poor Xtras, not even important! However I think Max named them very nicely. You do make me giggle.

"Smelled like privy" hahaha gross, but most likely very true. Somehow this often gets skirted over in historical romances so I'm glad you brought it to attention. :P

Sir Marty Stu!!! Oh, thank Merlin it isn't really him. This Roderick (such a good Gryffindor name) seems interesting, however. Especially since he resembles that ginger guy who got killed off really unexpectedly in the Tudors.

Magically enhanced gold armour sounds reasonable.

Ivan! :O How inapproapriate. :P But I mean, she does have to blend in well with the men, and doubtlessly they would be full of vulgar insults. I like her arguments with Max as well, and don't blame the others for being confused.

I'm so excited for Ivan's adventure! How perfect that she be going to rescue Helena from the Baron, I like the little canon tweaking here. I also enjoyed the comment of the bravest man ever to exist in existence. Indeed it's a bit of an odd defining characteristic.

Hilarious chapter, I loved it! :D I'll be keeping an eye out for the next one!

Author's Response: Hello again!

Heh, I think that a bad mark has been put on the word "wench" ;), though, I'm pretty sure that's it's used negatively as well. I think it has to do with context or something...I don't know.

Ha, Ivan does think like a man at times...hence the womanizing ;). Maybe she'll fall in love one day and be able to be with a maiden...or something.

I was hoping everybody would catch the Xtras. They were kind of obvious, but, you never know.

Privy's can be romantic... okay, no they can't.

I have no idea what I was thinking with Marty Stu...I think I was doing things for my own amusement ;). It was all Max. Sir Roderick! :D That IS the guys from the Tudors, and I love that show!

Magically enhanced gold armor was reasonable enough for me.

Ha, Ivan has a potty mouth, but she does blend well!

The adventure is coming!

Thanks so much! ♥

-Rumpel


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Review #15, by GingeredTea In Which Ivan Fights Like a Man

19th February 2014:
This is wonderful! You manage to add a level of humor through Max that is just infectious! :D I really like the way you're using him - er obviously I didn't mean *using* that way, Max! See, he even makes reviewing more fun! :D Go Max! And Rumpel (although as you can see, Max is kinda stealing your glory...).

I am becoming really really fond of Ivan and Roderick Gryffindor seems interesting in an important idiot sort of way (I hold my judgement for now).

Can't wait to see the next chapter - hope you won't keep us waiting too long, Max and Rumpel!

Author's Response: Hey there!

Sorry about the lateness of this response!

I'm really glad you like Max, he can steal my glory for this one ;). He's been my favorite part of the story so far, and it makes writing really...insane (but fun).

I'm also glad that Ivan's growing on you ♥ -- she's pretty awesome.

Thanks so much!

-Rumpel


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Review #16, by GingeredTea In Which Ivan Dreams Like a Man

12th February 2014:
Oh my - loving this!

I think I really like Max's flow, characterization and humor.

The setting is obviously really unique and interesting and I love your character. You do like writing brazen girls, don't you?

There was a lot of information to wrap my head around but you presented them very well and I think they'll sink in nicely. Your descriptions and transitions were simply amazing here and I really like the essence of your main character (Ivan, I'll grant her the luxury).

Ivanna sounds like a really intriguing character and I can't wait for her to meet Gryffindor!

Author's Response: Hello!

Welcome to my parody-ish thing!

Max is pretty awesome, with those elements.

Brazen girls, what brazen girls? Haha, yeah...guilty. Next time, I'll write a damsel in distress ;).

Ivan thanks you. I am the master of information overload! I can't help myself, really.

:D Thanks so much!

-Rumpel


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Review #17, by marauderfan In Which Ivan Fights Like a Man

10th February 2014:
Good morrow, Baudstrot :p Thou hath mentioned thy enjoyment whence you gaze upon olde timey reviews on this, wherefore I challenge myself to compose the entire review in such a fashion. Thus, My sincerest apologies in advance for this possibly unintellible review.

Ay, upon first glance I did not glean the importance of the valiant hero Onlian Xtra, until his sister was introduced. 'Tis a most amusing name. Perchance one way to not need to come up with additional names :D

Once again thou hast included most enthralling characters. Marty Stu appears to be of the non-cliche persuasion and an undoubtedly captivating individual, as evidenced by the rhyming of his name with another very important character with lots of personality.

The facts about gold are undoubtedly helpful in the narrative. Forsooth, gold would be useless as armour, and indeed quite heavy. I marvel that he can move his feet at all. Perchance in time someone will present him with a periodic table and instruct him on the many other metals from which he could construct battle adornments. He shalt then amaze all the townsfolk with his new suit of plutonium, which was discovered far earlier than we had thought. Then Sir Roderick will unfortunately die of radiation poisoning.

I dost proceed ahead of myself with my predictions - hence I return to the story.

Go Ivan! She showed Sir Roderick with her superior sword clashing and tea-break ing, she would fain be a dashing hero.

I love that she has no idea who Gryffindor and Ravenclaw are or wherefore they should be important personages.

The end of the chapter, whence she takes off into the night after slicing off her hair, makes me think of Mulan :D

Yon chapter is exquisite, methinks.

Author's Response: Well met, friend! :D You made my day with this ;)!

Haha, my extras! I love my extras, and I named them as such! :D There's no need for names for irrelevant characters in this story, no sir!

Haha, you've caught the Marty Stu! Awesome! I thought he might be overlooked a little, but no, there you are...calling him out :D.

Yes, but it's magically enhanced golden armor!...whatever that means. ^.^ Hahaha, a suit of plutonium. Methinks thou hast got something there. (Cough, look at me, too lazy to even write one complete sentence in Elizabethan.)

Haha, you even caught the tea break :D. Dashing, indeed!

It is a little like Mulan, now that I think about it. I was trying to go for more Joan of Arc, but, eh, beggars can't be choosers. Wait? Am I a beggar? Oh well, I'll take Mulan.

THANK YOU! :D


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Review #18, by Pixileanin In Which Ivan Fights Like a Man

10th February 2014:
Your disclaimer is aptly placed! I'm sure some readers might take issue with such archaic things. I'm down with it. So let's go!

I'm loving the new word that you've introduced me to: Baudstrot. I can't wait to sneak it into my next conversation... though that's going to be a bit tricky, I'm always up for a good challenge. ;)

Poor Ivan is limited to mild groping. However, I assume in those times, groping in public could lead to rather serious trouble. Hmmm...

Flying spittle, chortles, oh my! I love the language you're using here. It's so entertaining! And the two indistinguishable extras, I'm loving that too! She has to pay them off to get her answer. Except she doesn't. Of all the comedic dialog that I've read on this site, I have to say that this bit has been one of the most unique takes on the "distracting squabble" I have ever seen. Excellent!

Ah, hahaha! "At ease, Ivan." Indeed.

I still love Max. He's very entertaining, and is doing a bang up job as the narrator. I especially love how he has to egg Ivan along in order to take up her imminent quest. She has yet to master the art of male posturing, but I would advise her to get up on that horse and ride it hard if she's going to be convincing as a brave lad. *nods* Posturing isn't included in her lessons, I take it. But I have a feeling that Max knows this, hence the egging, and he triumphs!! You must tell me where you found him and his righteously censoring ways. Aww! No brother? My heart breaks!

I really did get a bit nervous when we got to the part where Ivan had to "rid herself of anything that could expose her as a woman" and I was heartily relieved that she only took a knife to her hair. Whew! In these times, who knows what desperate measures a fair maiden-gone-not-maiden would go to in order to secure a disguise.

I eagerly await meeting the distressed maiden, Helena Ravenclaw, and the subsequent posturing that Roderick (still cracking up at his name!) is sure to do. If he survives. Because I agree with Max that gold is highly unsuitable for armor. Roderick is going down!

I can quite imagine Nicholi's distress when he wakes and finds all of his provisions gone. Maybe he can fit into Ivan's clothes? Just a mild suggestion for Max to censor...

Another side-splitting, delightfully colorful chapter! Well done!

Author's Response: Hello!

The story with the long title is also the story with the gigantic disclaimer and author note ;).

Baudstrot is a fantastic word, though it may be a little tough to slip into casual conversation. One of the best parts of reading Shakespeare's works was discovering some new words...*cough* most were highly inappropriate :D! That only made hs English classes more fun.

I'm sure public groping was frowned upon...

Hahaha, my completely useless extras, complete with equally useless dialogue! That was fun to write, though had nearly nothing to do with the plot. A little mindless drivel never hurt anyone! :D ...or perhaps it has, and I just don't remember...

I think I'm secretly in love with Max. It's too bad that it isn't viable to have him as the narrator for everything I write. Ha, she may need a crash-course in posturing; luckily, Max is there for assistance! He's been hiding in my subconscious all along, who knew? Yes, no brother! :(

Oh my...well, my mind turned in that direction for an instance. Decidedly, cutting off her hair was a better alternative.

Poor Helena, never fear Ivan is on her way to rescue her! Roderick...oh Roderick... :D.

I'm sure his mother would be ecstatic to witness the only heir to the estate flouncing about in Ivan's dresses. ;)

Thanks so much for the wonderful review!

-Rumpel


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Review #19, by marauderfan In Which Ivan Dreams Like a Man

6th February 2014:
So uh, I found time for a third review swap and you must have posted at the same time as Rose and then deleted it, anyway regardless, I thought I'd come read your story since I found a few spare minutes of time!

Firstly the title is great. For some reason I always enjoy stories with absurdly long titles, I've done some of that myself. This one made me laugh. And Founders spoof, I love it already :D

Farmers are having Second Breakfast? Are they hobbits? Ha, its not set in the Middle Ages, rather Middle Earth :p Actually, I'm hungry. Think i'll go eat second lunch now.

Oops, getting distracted. Where was I? Oh yes, a nobleman's daughter is streaking across the estate hahaha.

she levitated cats and her mother. Scenes I hope to see in a flashback :D

Ps, so much applause and respect to you for putting a transgender character in your story (especially during that era of history!!) I mean, I guess she could just want to be a man because that's more fun during that time period, but it seems like it's more than that. I have never seen another fic with a trans character and for that, you are awesome. (Pft, you were already awesome)

lessons in flamboyant body movements lol. Such as how to remove a sword with utmost flair. Useful skills yes!

I love the narrator! But how dare he leave Ivan standing there waiting for him. Rude.

Zounds, methinks I doth love this story. Forsooth.

RUMPEL THIS IS BRILLIANT. C / X. (as in, 100/10.)

Author's Response: Whoo! Yeah, that's exactly what happened, because Rose has some mad ninja-moves! True story.

Haha, I love the title! It started out much shorter, but every time I changed it, it got longer and longer... :D.

Lol, not only hobbits have second breakfast but OMIGOSH I should have made this a LOTR crossover...shoot! Next time, next time... :D. Uhm, bring me some second lunch too!

Streaking is always a must in a spoof, or so somebody told me. I can't remember who it was at the moment.

*Cough* Levitating her mother ended poorly, I assure you!

I've had a plunny for a while that involved a transgender character. How she fit in to the parody, I have no idea...but voila! It's definitely more than just that, but that not might be so apparent to Ivan at the moment. Heh, if you peeps keep telling me that I'm awesome, it'll go straight to my head ;).

Ha, I was having a little fun with exaggerating culture...bad Rumpel!

Max...heheh, I'm not sure how he got into the story either. Whatever I had planned for this story has completely fallen apart, and rebuilt as something else. *Sigh* :D

Grammercy, m'lady! :D

Thanks so much!!

-Rumpel


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Review #20, by Pixileanin In Which Ivan Dreams Like a Man

2nd February 2014:
This is by far the most entertaining Founders fic I have ever read. The narrator, Max is incredible! I now think I need a "Max" for all my stories. Tell me, does he have a brother who needs a job??

Your incredible use of historical language is astoundingly well-done. You do it enough for flavor, but it doesn't bog down the narrative... or I guess I should say Max, shouldn't I? anyway, what I'm trying to say is that the whole thing flows, and I never once got stuck on a strange word. The short glossary at the start did help. ;)

I'm enjoying the themes you've presented so far, the woman who is wishing for an alternative lifestyle, her brother who is also wishing for a different fate than what their parents have planned for them. You've captured the feel for this time period really well, including the limited options "if any" that these characters have for a future. I love that you're using these to the advantage of the story, and you're not shying away from the issues.

Everyone is strongly portrayed (including Max) and I can't believe you ended the chapter on such a cliffhanger!! Haha! I love how you did that. And the Fun Fact. And the gratuitous title. Everything.

I can't wait to meet Roderick and see what plight you've dreamt up for him.

Wonderful story so far!

Pix

Author's Response: Hello!

I've fallen in love with a few Founders stories, but I have yet to read a parody in the Era, so this is pretty fun. :D I'm so glad that you like Max! Erm, I'll have to ask him and get back to you! Heheh.

I was hoping to give it an old-time-y feel, and began to write all of the dialogue in Elizabethan. Ultimately, I'm really glad that I decided against that, and just added *some* terms.

I'm so glad that you like...everything! :D Gah, it means so much!

Heh, Roderick...

Thanks so much!

-Rumpel


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Review #21, by kenpo In Which Ivan Dreams Like a Man

1st February 2014:
Hey! Here for our swap! Sorry I took so long.

Firstly... Did you really title a story that? Haha. That's so awesome.

I love that the narrator is a character. Is he a real character? I'm very curious about him. You broke the fourth wall very well! The line about the story rating make me laugh.

I'm putting forth a theory about Max. Ready for it?

He's playing Sims. So the characters that can hear him are the ones he controls, and then the other ones are the annoying neighbors that won't leave you alone.

Haha. If that was actually what this story was... I would be so ridiculously happy and forever claiming to be the most intelligent person ever.

(Wait, isn't Sims published by Maxis? MY THEORY HOLDS. I don't care where this story is actually going, this is what it is in my head.)

I love the way that you write the old language very well, and then you'll mix in some random modern language.

I'm really excited about this. I want to know more. I really like that while this is a really light and enjoyable read, you're also touching on some real issues and topics that we don't often think about during this time period.

Will every chapter have a fun fact about the narrator?

I hope so.

The last one better be "Fun Fact: Max is playing the Sims".

I'm very much set in this theory. Next chapter I expect somebody to get stuck in their room because there's garbage in the way.

Or go to the bathroom in a puddle on the floor and then cry and then pull a mop out of their pocket and clean it up.

Oh!! You made a comment about how Ivan is almost an old maid. She could age-up!

I'm very set in this theory and nothing you can do can sway me.

Author's Response: Oh, that's okay :D.

Yes, yes I did. Actually, it started off much shorter, and every time I changed it...well.

Oh Max and his fourth-wall breaking antics :p. You'll learn more about Max as the story progresses.

Hahaha, okay, if you want to think that Max is playing Sims, then I'll let you believe that ;). *Cough* I'll try not to break your heart too much :D.

Heh, I tried to write this in Shakespearean verse, and then opted not to ;). It was probably for the better...and the Elizabethan style was making me crazy (you know, speaking it and whathaveyou). A very interesting couple days at work.

Whoo! Yay, I'm glad that you're excited about this! I'm excited that you're excited! There was a brief moment when I attempted to write this as a serious story. Pfft.

There will be a fun fact about Max ever chapter!

:D ...erm. I won't break your heart and tell you that it isn't.

Oh my. :p That would be funny.

:D

Thanks so much for the review, it made me laugh!

-Rumpel


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Review #22, by LaLaLuna In Which Ivan Dreams Like a Man

1st February 2014:
EEE!! I love Max! Is he a disembodied voice/presence? I love this story and I love the characters. It's really very funny! Max cracks me up so much.

Author's Response: Hai! I'm glad that you like Max, and yeah, he's basically a disembodied voice. :D Hooray, you think it's funny!

Thanks so much!

-Rumpel


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Review #23, by Lululuna In Which Ivan Dreams Like a Man

1st February 2014:
Hello! :) THIS IS SO COOL!

Max. Who is Max? I'm so curious about Max. Why is he the narrator? Is he a real person or some sort of narrator imaginary friend? Are you there, Max??!

Haha, okay. First of all I love the idea of Ivan wanting to be a boy. Honestly, in those days, who wouldn't want to be a boy, but I feel like Ivan's reasons are a little deeper seated than just wanting some sort of respect. So I like how you've confronted sexual identity and sexual orientation and feminism all in one hilarious yet sort of poignant story.

"The great omnipotent" and "Book of His word studies" made me laugh but were also great references for historical accuracy's sake.

She was chased by the blushing chambermaids, who chastised her for streaking across the Estate. Haha, an early form of streaking! I like how horrified everyone is by seeing her in her dressing gown. For the times, it's quite understandable, but no less amusing. Nicholi with his "Zounds!" made me giggle too.

That's right, children – though, none of you are actually children, as you need to be 17 or older to be reading this due to the maturity rating and applicable warnings. HAHA. I'm dying, seriously. Max is way too sassy for his own good when he breaks the fourth wall.

Ivan talking about Bessie's... useful body parts made me both laugh and cringe at how dearly women were valued in those times. I like the idea of Ivan having fun wooing potential brides for her brother as well - I mean, what else is a girl dressed as a boy supposed to do?

dramatic speaking and flamboyant body movements, and, of course, the crash courses in arrogance, chivalry, and bigotry Haha, I loved this. It felt a little Monty Python-esque, in the best way possible. You've done a great job of bringing the era to life with a rather dramatic flair.

preforming his Act of the Festive Worm for the idiotic townspeople Hahahah what?! Did not see that coming, but now that I have seen it, I can't stop un-seeing it. If you know what I mean.

I want to know what the hubbub is about!!! :( Hopefully you update soon as I'm really really excited to find out! :)

I'm sorry if this review was a little rambly and goofy, but your story just made me giggle a lot. Loved it! :)

Author's Response: :D Hey! Hooray, I'm glad that you liked it!

Max is special, but you'll only learn about him indirectly and through fun facts ;). Well, he's my imaginary friend anyway!

Ivan's wish to be a boy does run a little deeper than for glory only. I've been trying to be careful to present Ivan's dilemmas without offending anybody (especially since this is supposed to be humorous). I suppose that's why I added a bunch of disclaimers, and I'm glad that you thought it was effective.

Heh, I'm glad that made you laugh -- I think you'll like Ivan and Roderick's discussion on gods and whathaveyou ;).

The 'streaking' was a fun bit, it shows a bit of the difference between society then versus society today. 'Sides, any sort of streaking is humorous in my book ;). Zounds is a spectacular interjection :D!

Oh Max, he's definitely fun to play with.

*Cough* I quite like the way you put that, "useful body parts" hahah. Ivan likes flirting with the ladies ;).

I love Monty Python, and have been restraining from watching anything of the sort so that it doesn't leak into my story so much. However, it's bound to break through now and again (my subconscious can't help itself). Dramatic flair! I tried to write this as a serious story initially, pfft, that obviously didn't work out. Every time I try to write something Shakespearean-dramatic I can't keep it serious.

*Cough* I have no idea... :D! I think I was very tired when I wrote the ending of the chapter...so, festive worms and idiotic townspeople.

I've got to finish the next of Everto, and then I'll get on the next for this :D. It's fairly decently outlined, so (hopefully) it shouldn't take too long to write.

If I got a serious review on this story, I would highly doubt my ability to be humorous ;). I'm really glad you liked it!

Thanks so much!

-Rumpel


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Review #24, by newgenerationlover In Which Ivan Dreams Like a Man

1st February 2014:
Very interesting start. Can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Oh hey! Thanks very much :D!

-Rumpel


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Review #25, by Maelody In Which Ivan Dreams Like a Man

1st February 2014:
I'll be 100% honest in saying this is not something I would have looked up on my own, but only because I've never really read anything like it! I've never been much of a founders fan, mainly because everyone writes them so serious and stuffy, but you write this era very well! :) I'm glad you showed it to me and I giggled quite a lot.

These characters are great! You wrote this so wonderfully that I'm half convinced this is how you speak ;). I love Ivan and I feel so bad for her that she's born in the wrong era. The relationship she yearns to have with her father made me sad, too. But the actual scene where he turned her away was enjoyable because it was so believable. You did your research.

I love Max. I love that Ivan and Nicholi (is that how it was spelled?) speak to him. I can see he especially serves well to end long rambling and chapters when the need to find an excuse to quit comes up ;).

Thanks for the glossary at the beginning, by the way. And I'm glad to know you'll keep doing it, because I knew absolutely none of it. In fact, there are a couple of words in here that weren't mentioned in the glossary that I didn't know. No worries though, I know how to look them up ;).

I actually really, thoroughly enjoyed reading this and I thank you again for swapping with me! I'm looking forward to a second chapter! Great job! :)

~Mae

Author's Response: That's understandable. I've been a Founders fan for a while, but I can see why it is not everybody's preference. The beginning was a little dry, but I did have to set up the story. Best to do it all at once like taking off a band-aid. I'm glad that you laughed; I mean, I found it funny, but that doesn't mean that anybody else would ;).

Nah, I only speak like that when I'm writing this ;). Yes she was absolutely born in the wrong era, but she's dealing with that. I did do enough research to make this both believable and to throw in nonsense for my amusement :D.

Max is pretty cool, most of the time. He helps me a ton, because I can constantly use him as an excuse for doing things ;).

You're welcome, I thought that might come in handy! Oops, I wrote the chapter first and then added the glossary...I must have missed a few terms. Sorry.

I'm glad that you enjoyed this :D!

-Rumpel


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