Reading Reviews for Evolution
  
132 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TheBigA One Night in July

27th October 2014:
OMFG! Katie no! God Damnit I knew it would come to this!! okay, calm down, just a book... Wow wow wee-wah... Okay... *eehm eehm*
Okay so. Katie nooo!!! ...
So.. Okay review time go time now time...
So what an enticing chapter it has been. Facken 'ell mate. some emotions are really flying now... So James harnessing his magically sexy piano master skills for an opener, btw magical Beethoven was a really nice detail there. So our poor James decides to hit his girl up and he comes knocking to find the place turned over.. and everything hesitates for the moment where he'll find the gruesome scene... But nothing happens... actually I gotta give you more credit for that one, Kaite's note was heart-aching and shes gone, but COME ON, I genuinely expected dead bodies, because then James would be crushed. I mean, now that James and Katie was mutual and shes not dead, James will miss her and shell still be out there, so then how on earth could Jily legitimately happen? I mean, if she died, then James would have a definite end to his relationship, and he would look for comfort a.k.a Lily. Technically that could be a quick fix because you would only have to edit this chapter to kill her off. otherwise, I would have liked some fighting and then a bad breakup, but that would require major changes to the story so..no. But I urge you to seriously rethink this move, although i know you have written a few more chapters that you would have to edit, but seriously. Its up to you though, so if you don't want to, I don't expect any changes. either way i still love this story. Okay that's all folks, amazing writing once again 10/10 gg everyone I have to go sit down and take some aspirin.

P.S. sorry for the wait again but this story drains my emotions and makes me think about Jily than cry and fall asleep and repeat the process so anyway I'll keep going and hopefully something will happen on Halloween to commemorate Jily's deaths... but anyway I LOVE THIS STORY and I'm hyper and I wrote a lot so AH
Love,
Aaron

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Review #2, by Cannons Ain't No Sunshine

25th October 2014:
Hi!

Here from the common rooms review the person above you thread. I've seen you around the forums a lot but I've never had the chance to check out any of your writing before, so here I am. :)

As opening chapters go I thought this was a well thought out and well written one. It is hard sometimes to have an engaging first chapters as there are so many things to introduce and, for lack of a better term, get out of the way. So I really thought you did a great job, I didn't have to stop once as your writing really flowed consistently through the chapter.

I have a feeling that this is going to be a different James/Lily story then I am used to reading about because of your AN's at the bottom of the page. Plus the fact that James seems to be thinking of Lily as more someone he wants to wind up and get a reaction out of, rather then someone who he genuinely likes.

Usually the Lily/James stories I have read start with James being obsessed with her from there very first year together.

Your James really is rather refreshing to read. All the usual traits that are attributed with him usually are there but there is something a little different about him as well. I really do like that he isn't obsessed with Lily at the start.

The description of the weather outside worked really well with his inner thoughts. I also was intrigued to see how he interacted with Tinka, since he is pure-blood and house elves have a reputation for being mistreated but I was pleased to see he was polite with her! :P

I really enjoyed the first chapter to this story, a slightly refreshing angle on the James/Lily saga will be intriguing to watch play out, so don't be surprised if you receive a few more reviews from me in the near future.

Cannons (harrypotterlover1 on the forums)

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Review #3, by Yoshi_Kitten Ain't No Sunshine

24th October 2014:
Hello Kevin, I'm Deana. (RoxiMalfoy from the forums) I've seen you around in the common room alot, but we've never actually talked, so it's nice to finally "meet" you, lol! sorry it took me a few days, but I'm here for our October Review exchange!! =)

First of all, that introductory paragraph was amazing! I loved your attention to detail when describing the thunder storm outside, and then you brought James' sarcastic personality into it when he announced that it was a "splendid day," lol! I love the Marauders, so I'm super happy that we got paired together this month. I really liked this first chapter, and I think it was a great way to begin the story. I really like how it started off with James being on his summer break, rather than starting with them already at Hogwarts, or on the train in the 1st chapter, like alot of stories do. Choosing to do that provided a great opportunity to explore James family life, and I really liked that approach. I like how you described the Potter Estate, and I loved Tinka.

I really enjoyed reading his reflections on the past year, and I think that was a great way to show what's happened so far and set things up for what's to come. I'm also one who likes to watch an Epic romance as it unfolds, so I also appreciate the fact that James is not quite head-over-heels in love with Lily yet. And I like idea that he has been asking her out continuously as a joke for right now, as it gives time for their relationship to build from the ground up.

The only bit of CC I can come up with here is to watch out for those long run-on paragraphs. That last one, for example, was a bit on the longish side, and my silly brain kept skimming through it and losing my place, lol. And you don't want your readers to skim over any important pieces of your story. Simply breaking that into two smaller paragraphs would fix it easily enough tho, I think. Perhaps you could split it where it says: "Maybe she was partly right." or somewhere in that area? Idk. Now I feel like I'm being too picky, lol. Feel free to just ignore me if I am. =P

Honestly, this is already off to a great start and I can't wait to read more. The rivalry between James and Severus is good already, and I am anxious to see more on that note too. I also cannot wait to meet the rest of the Marauders, and see how well you characterize them as well! Your James is perfect so far, and I think that this was an excellent first chapter, Kevin. I'll be back for the next chapter as soon as I can. Sorry, again, for taking so long to get to this. Thanks so much for swapping! :D

10/10
~Deana~

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Review #4, by TheBigA Reunions

28th September 2014:
Great Job again! This is my fourth chapter of the night, but the ball's rolling and I'm still going!! This chapter was brilliant in that there were so many clear transitions, each scene conveniently set the next one up, especially the Lily-Sirius switch. As to your concerns, the Dialogue is one of the main strong points in your writing, so I say there can't be enough of a good thing like that.The Grace-Sirius "thing" going on is thoroughly enjoyable, and it is quite believable because Sirius' parents would flip out if they found out, and Sirius is symbolically breaking from the last of his parents influence on his decisions.

The Remus bit at the end was more "sirius" and I noticed that this is the first fic I've read where Remus' parents are endangered due to death eaters, and it will be interesting to see how that is elaborated upon later in the story.

Now for a more general topic. As an observer, I've noticed that although this is the summer, and having more Lily chapters would possibly be boring because she isn't doing much, I notice that this story leans a bit more towards James and the rest of the Marauders, rather than Lily. so my request is just asking for a slight improvement in the Lily details in the story, and one way to do that would to make her friends a larger part of the story. for example, in previous fics I've read I knew all of Lily's friends and there were even scenes from their viewpoints, but in Evolution, I can only vaguely remember their names on a good day. So take it or leave it, but as a reader I believe it would be in Evolutions' best interest to include more Lily and it would help bring some more stability to the story as a whole...

Thanks again for another amazing chapter.. I think that will be my last review for the night so hope to hear from you soon,
-Aaron

Author's Response: I'm glad you're enjoying the Grace-Sirius bit. I haven't figured out quite how yet, but I'm not going to let it die I don't think because I'd like to have it play in to how James/Lily blossoms successfully in some. At least that's my thought for now anyway. We'll see.

I also am very much aware of the "lack of Lily". You're absolutely right about it, and to be perfectly honest, I committed to a particular number of chapters going into summer and with other issues going on, I didn't commit to as much about Lily for reasons that will unfold in the next couple of chapters.

Probably on the whole there's been a lack of Lily and her friends throughout the story thus far, though it is partially deliberate. The first half of the story is really about James's growth most of all and still being in very separate orbits, I mostly wanted Lily to reach the point of noting changes and being "intrigued". But as the story goes on, especially during seventh year, things are very much going to tighten up in terms of the characters explored. As a result, we'll spend a lot more time with what I view as the two critical groups throughout seventh year. The first group will obviously be the Marauders and the second will be Lily and her friends. Because we're at the point in the story now where it's time for Lily to realize she's not perfect either and really delve into her more deeply, like we have with James so we can see that. Marlene and Alana will be instrumental in that too, so you should get to know them a bit better.

This is getting rambly I suppose, but the point is that I absolutely understand what you're saying and if I come back and edit the story once I finish it's something I'll absolutely look at (among other things with the Lily-Marlene-Alana dynamic).

Thanks once again for the detailed, thoughtful reviews and for sticking with this story! I really appreciate the support!


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Review #5, by TheBigA Table Talk

28th September 2014:
3 reviews in one day!! I'm on a role here! But actually I'm here to review, so here goes...

The dinner scene was wonderfully executed in dialogue and transitions. when everyone was sitting down for dinner, I was imagining a real life girl visiting her rich boyfriends parents' house for the first time, and the typical father drilling questions like "what are your plans for the future" and such. I thoroughly enjoyed the detailed explanations of the Potter's dinner habits and it was amusing with the bit about Katie not knowing which fork to use for each course. So altogether a witty and well sorted scene which exemplifies a pinnacle of developmental abilities in personality construction and plot advancement.

Although the second scene was much shorter than the first, its emotion was much more powerful. Since I'm typing this review from my computer rather than my mobile device, I accidentally read the summary before the chapter, so I knew there was a surprise ending, and after the Death Eater talk at dinner, I figured that Katie would come home to her own parents dead, but instead a less personal but equally as tragic ending was in store, a great cliff-hanger ending as well.

10/10 on this wonderful chapter and all it holds. I'm excited to continue!!
Great Job,
-Aaron

Author's Response: Wow! Well once again I'm really glad you thought I did that well with it. I definitely wanted to get across exactly the feelings and image you were talking about. At the same time I really wanted to give some life and personality to James's parents (he had to get his impishness from somewhere, right?) and with the preparatory stuff show a bit more about how James wasn't COMPLETELY spoiled as a child. I also threw in some pieces that James will reflect on later too that will hopefully be picked up on once we get a bit beyond where I am now.

The second scene...I honestly wasn't too happy with it. I wanted to develop it a bit better, but at the same time I didn't want to stretch it out because I felt like it wasn't something Katie's parents would beat around the bush about. There will definitely be more on that bit later though.


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Review #6, by TheBigA Deeper

28th September 2014:
Wow deeper is correct. Guess we can check Peter and Severus off our summer checklist that is pretty much all of the crew and what a ride this chapter was! From my first review regarding your Peter I thought you made him childish, and I must say we've come quite far from that point! I felt genuinely bad for someone I know will be the reason my two favorite characters die.. Peter seems like a mature adolescent who is cognitive in his actions rather than a slobbering idiot who rides on James and Sirius' backs, and I like his thougt process. Near the end of the scene he thought back to a time which seems more like the pettigrew I am used to, (a great use of foreshadowing by the way,) the one that serves the Dark Lord. But I digress in my appreciation, Petey's scenes really deserve a 10/10.

Now poor little Severus, written equally as fantastic has far from the same personality as Peter. The chapter really goes in depth on the Severus-Parents relationship, but it makes sense that his Muggle father is a drunk who is self involved, fueling some of Severus' hate. The Lucius-Severus scene, while short, remained one of the most important scenes of the chapter, delving into the fact that Whilst Severus still on dabbles, Lucius is "rolling with the big boys" and thus Severus has no direct contact with Voldemort, leaving him a less important death eater than who he grows up to be

Altogether a 10/10 chapter with some wonderful detail.

Yours Truly,
-Aaron

P.S. Your fic is the only one so far that suggests that Peter is the Man of the house, and he has a little sister! Keep up the great work!!!

Author's Response: Ahh Peter. I definitely wanted to do something different with Peter in the story - to provide a real reason that he would turn later on that goes beyond the superficial idea that he was just scared of Voldemort. That will build throughout the second half of the story in a more compartmentalized way, because one of the interesting things about Peter is that he DOESN'T share everything with the Marauders.

As far as Snape goes, I think I was a bit more traditional there (especially re: his family situation), but I definitely wanted to set up that contrast between Snape and Lucius at present because it will be important to his more negative evolution as a character going forward.


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Review #7, by TheBigA Stranger on the Street

28th September 2014:
Well, well, well, I'm back baby! I am terribly sorry that's its been almost a month and several chapters since my last review, but getting acclimated to school life and such :(. But I was starting to get some "Jily feels" and I missed reading your story so I decided to hop back in!! :)

Very well now that I've gotten that over with, time for a chapter review!! even though I didn't review the last few chapters, I have really been taking in the way you write and getting back into the groove. I really enjoyed the equal parts you've been giving to each character, so far we've checked Katie, James, Lily and now Sirius off the list, and each story has been able to develop its characters further, showing us their last free summer of their school careers, and giving us thoughtful insight on their personalities away from Hogwarts, which is one of my favorite times in a story, and Evolution has managed to really modernize the way I observe characters , so thanks for that:)!

This chapter managed to describe to me as a reader, what direction you plan to take your Sirius in. For example, in some other novels, I would never imagine Sirius being that interested in a Muggle, but with this story I had imagined it even prior to this chapter, due to Sirius's involvement with Renee, in which we saw him "evolve" to be more open minded, and it's simply the way you write which gets me thinking about details like that, so hopefully I haven't bored you out of your mind, but I'm just happy to have hopped back on the Evolution train, I can't wait to see where we're headed!!

Your fan,
-Aaron

Author's Response: Reviews never bore me out of my mind, especially when they're so kind! It's good to see you back again!

I'll immediately cop to wanting to cover a bit of most of the characters this summer because I wanted to explore some a bit more and because with some of them in particular I wanted to show how the evolving outside world may influence them in the future.

I'm glad you liked Sirius! There will be more on this later for sure, but my view is actually that Sirius would ONLY wind up being seriously interested in a Muggle because they wouldn't be aware of his "baggage". Though that will present its own obstacles, it's very important to him and I hope to keep developing that as we go on.

Thanks for reading and reviewing - four in one day! I really appreciate all your feedback, and I'll be responding the others specifically here shortly!


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Review #8, by casual_chaos The Price of Popularity

25th September 2014:
Hey, TidalDragon!

It's been a while since I had time to read fanfiction, but I haven't forgotten about your story!

Seeing how the last two chapters were about Katie and her relationships with James, I'll start with her. I absolutely love her. It kind of breaks my heart that we know this is a James/Lily story because all I want is for this to become AU and for James and Katie to ride off into the sunset on their brooms and live happily ever after. You did such a good job with her! From the start, I had a feeling I would like her, but I didn't think she would become the highlight of the story for me. I have many more chapters to read and I will probably love Lily just as much, but I just wanted to let you know you've created a very real, sensible and down to earth character, which is not an easy task. Well done!

I enjoyed reading about the beginning of James and Katie's relationship. It was very sweet, but not fluffy, which is a huge plus! I'm also glad you left Snape's return for later and decided to develop these two characters in more detail. But I am looking forward to reading about Snape as well.

As for the gossiping girls, that part made me really sad. I haven't had the misfortune of meeting such girls in my teenage days but I guess they do exist somewhere. You portrayed them really well and I honestly wished Katie would hex them. However, this chapter was slightly unsettling for me. I know people gossip but I felt like there was way too many people, and most of them girls, interested in this relationship. It gives the image of most girls being petty creatures who don't have lives and worries of their own. Katie is amazing but I couldn't help but see her as an exception, and girls like Rebecca and Shannon the rule. Toning it down a bit would probably make it seem more believable, at least for me, since this is my soft spot. As a tool for creating an opposing force to James and Katie's relationship, it worked great, though.
Anyway, this is just a minor part of the story, which is as a whole incredibly well-written and thought out. Your characters feel very alive, especially James and, even though she was a absent in these last two chapters, Lily. I loved her slowly growing confusion over the change she witnessed in James. The scene with the bottle at the party was particularly effective. You did a great job with Remus as well and I do hope we'll get to see more of him in the future chapters.

I truly enjoy this story and how it (slowly) progresses. I hope my comment about the girls didn't take away from the general positivism of this review. But, hadn't I seen huge potential in this tale of yours, I probably wouldn't even bother with such details so you can take this as another compliment. All in all, these last few chapters were great and I'm looking forward to see how the rest will unravel!

- Andy

Author's Response: Hello again! It's great to see you back!

Sweet, but not fluffy is definitely what I was going for, and though I won't spoil anything specific, I'd say I TRY to keep in that fashion and I hope you'll see why later and feel that it makes sense.

With the gossip, I definitely get where you're coming from. I hope you'll see throughout the story that NOT all the girls I write will be that way. This was just something I wanted to hone in on right now, more so to reflect how Katie has NOT been a part of that before but is subject to it because of James's popularity. As far as for the future though, I will keep in mind being vigilant about not letting conversations, behavior, etc. of the female characters so centered on bad topical stereotypes like guys, fashion, etc. I think I've done okay with Lily and Katie on this, but I'm not so sure about other female characters (because I've admittedly not been paying close enough attention), so it's a really good catch.

You'll definitely see plenty of Remus and Lily going forward - especially as the story starts developing more from where it is now (AKA when James/Lily starts actually happening).

No worries about the comment. I actually really appreciate it because sometimes I write so quickly in pursuit of a fast update that I don't think holistically enough about how ALL characters are represented versus the major ones, which is really important for truly good writing.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #9, by Red_headed_juliet Words of Wisdom

23rd September 2014:
"Women have a gift for that, leaving the boy in the past when the man emerges."

Favorite quote. I love that. Haha.
Francis is wonderful. He seems to be a very wise man who still remembers what it's like to be young.

Hopefully I'll get a bit of free time again soon.

Until next time!

Author's Response: Thanks for the kind words. I don't think I'm a very "quotable" author so it's nice there was something like that you liked it there!

Francis is a good guy. I'm hoping to develop his relationship with James a little more in roughly the second half of the story, so I hope if you keep reading you find that he stays wise, grounded, and most importantly, a good dad.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #10, by Gabriella Hunter Ain't No Sunshine

18th September 2014:
Hello!

Muahaha, I don't think that you were expecting this but I've been meaning to come and look at your work for a while now and never had the time. I would have gotten to it last night but I was a hot mess, my allergies were kicking my butt and I was watching cartoons.

Anyway, on to this! I'm going to be honest and say that I steer clear of James/Lily stories like a plague. I'm not sure what it is about these stories but they never really captured my attention and I think its mostly because I never really cared much for James and thought that his relationship with Lily was a little too perfect towards the end. They went from disliking one another to suddenly dating and then marriage? I always wanted to know what happened in between that and what redeeming qualities Lily saw in James to want to date him in the first place.

Which brings me to this! I read your Author's Note and finished the chapter without stopping because it was so good and I really like where you're going with this. James's constant teasing of Lily when they were younger is explained in a way that I can believe and I like that you steered clear of "insta-love", which is something that happens in a lot of stories here.

What made this chapter really good for me was that I got a peek inside of James's home life (Something we don't normally see) and HIS thoughts on Lily instead of the other way round.

James apparently comes from a good family and is a bit spoiled to me but I don't really think that's a bad thing. Later, when he mentions how Lily called him out for being so arrogant is actually really interesting to me because he had already recognized that in himself and had never thought anyone would have the guts to say it to his face.

I also really enjoyed the canon that you weaved into this chapter as well. It wasn't overdone or too heavy either and it went smoothly with James's thoughts so it felt more like an actual recollection instead of just forced exposition. I really enjoyed this first chapter and I'll most likely be back pretty soon after I take care of some pesky updates of my own, clean out my review thread and destroy this weird cold I have. :D

Thanks for the read!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Well you are right that I was not expecting it! But it's so welcome - even if you're FAR too kind. I feel very ehh about the beginning of the story really, as it represented my return to any type of fiction after a roughly five-year uninterrupted hiatus.

This story will definitely NOT be "insta-love". In fact, you might become frustrated at how not "insta-love" it is if you keep reading. Spoiler alert: James and Lily still aren't a thing yet at roughly 102,000 words.

Some of the things you've mentioned are things I absolutely want to get more of (and plan to), like each of their home life and obviously James's thoughts on Lily (and vice-versa).

If you knock out those pesky updates and end up sticking with the story in any regard, I would love your insights. I'm a big admirer of your talent so your thoughts would be appreciated.

Also, I AM getting to A Force of Wills soon. My week has been an absolute nightmare so far.

Kevin


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Review #11, by HarryGinnyLove88 Round One

13th September 2014:
super story :)

But poor james, still have Katie on her mind...
you should do something about this sometime, like let Katie wrote him just once a letter just so james can go on his life and not be miserable, but its up to you, its still you`re story..

hope you write soon :)

Author's Response: Yeah...James did not get much closure from Katie did he? When he does it will be something that he decides on his own though, unfortunately for him without any word from her. He won't be miserable for long though. I don't see him as a dweller and he'll be moving beyond it sooner rather than later, since it has already been a month or so after all.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #12, by peacock33 Round One

13th September 2014:
Interesting chapter. I feel like Lily is a little too hostile toward James considering how he didn't really do that much to her or anyone in the past year. So hopefully she'll be a bit more mature and recognize that he has changed and be a little friendlier and more sympathetic to what happened with Katie. And I'm interested to see more of James' thoughts about Katie as some of your comments suggested he wouldn't be wallowing all year, so it will be interesting to see how it affected him exactly and how he is going to move on.
Thanks for sharing!

Author's Response: Hello again!

Lily's hostility is really intended to be borne more of her concern/irritation about James being made Head Boy and a resistance to the idea that James wants to mix things up as far as the Heads/Prefects routine goes than James's actual behavior. My goal was to set some places where you can see that Lily is actually seeing some things about him in a different light, but that may have been overwhelmed by the other portions because while the round was happening we were in James's POV, limiting my ability (deliberately) to go into those areas. I don't want her to get over the Head Boy shock immediately, to go suddenly too pro-James or to overcome one of her own flaws too quickly, but that will be getting developed sooner rather than later as, after all, this next segment of the story is about Lily growing up and recognizing things about herself and James in a more mature way.

Since (I hope) it was alluded to fairly plainly that Lily wasn't going to be able to contain her inquiries about the Katie situation for long, rest assured that those are things that will be addressed - very soon.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #13, by HarryGinnyLove88 Collision

11th September 2014:
Keep writing.. :)

I wonder, how long its last before lily and james gets together.

Author's Response: The next chapter is already in the queue! There's still a ways to go yet, but there will be far more James/Lily development and interaction than in sixth year to whet your appetite.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #14, by casual_chaos Just a Game

7th September 2014:
Hello again!

I'm back to reading your wonderful story. I went through the last four chapters in one sweep and decided to review them together (I hope you don't mind but I'd rather write one long review than many short ones).

I loved the exchange between Lily and James after Potions. Both of them were awkward about the change in James' behaviour, which is natural and it didn't lead to a lengthy conversation, which is even more natural. So, that was well done.

Aah, how I love the Marauders. Honestly, every conversation they have is gold. In your Author's response you mentioned the 'too much dialogue' issue. I didn't notice it so far, the ratio between descriptions and dialogue seemed just right.

The only thing I would have liked more detail about are Lily's two friends. We didn't find out a lot about them so far, except through the conversations they had with Lily. From their way of speaking, they seem intelligent and sometimes funny, but a few descriptions of their character, subject preferences or just simple things like hobbies would help picturing them more clearly. Perhaps this is just me, but I thought you would like to know.

Which leads me to Katie. You did a great job with her introduction. This is the advantage of dialogue, it can sometimes paint a much more colourful image of a person than a description could. There were these subtle hints (the firm handshake, the fiery stare) along with the more obvious gestures (the cheering and grinning and, at points, yelling in anger) which already made her a well-thought-out character. Who is a bit scary. :) Anyway, I really like her so far. I hope there will be a scene with her and Sirius, now that would be one firework of a conversation.

As for the match, I honestly can't tell you if you did justice to it. Even in HP books, I could hardly concentrate on everything that was going on and who was doing what to whom. It's my lack of aptitude for any kind of sport (real or fictional), not your writing, so don't worry about it. But I do admire James for his dedication to the team. It reminds me of Harry, how he would always keep going, no matter how hurt or tired he would be.

All in all, I enjoyed reading these last few chapters, especially this one. And I notice there will be a party soon so I'm very eager to see how that turns out. :)

- Andy

Author's Response: Hello again to you! I don't mind whatever way anybody decides to leave me reviews, believe me. I just appreciate you taking the time to read and do it!

I'm glad you're enjoying the characterizations all around and appreciated the more subtle side of James and Lily's interaction (like the fact that they SHOULDN'T have some long conversation yet). That's actually why the story is so slow-burning in their regard. Because of the depth of the differences they perceive in each other and...well, LILY'S dislike for James, I wanted to be very measured in how frequently they even interact and what it's about.

Following on from that, I'll say that because James needs more growing up (at least IMO), we don't get as much depth about Lily's friends because a lot of the first half of the story is focusing on signs of James's growth. I somewhat regret not having more hiccups along the way with that, but hopefully you'll find it fine anyway. You will get more on Lily's friends outside of conversation when you get to where I am in the story now, as it's more focused on rounding out Lily and where SHE needs to grow (because she CAN'T have been perfect herself).

As for Katie, hopefully she won't scare you going forward. This is actually largely just her on match days. She has the capacity to get fiery, definitely, but she's also got some insecurities and she is generally pretty straightforward and earnest at her core. We'll also (purposefully) see limited dimensionality to her because of her role in the story, which hopefully you'll pick up on later. I originally intended for things with her to go a bit differently, but I was ultimately satisfied (mostly) with how it turned out.

Thanks so much for the detailed and thoughtful review!


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Review #15, by casual_chaos Hogwarts Bound

6th September 2014:
This is great, you got each of the Marauders right and gave them their own distinctive voices. It is so often that writers give their characters such universal voices that each of the characters could be saying someone else's line and the reader would never notice the difference. But, trying to write myself, I know how hard it is to avoid this. :)

Anyway, I hope there will be more conversations like this in the future chapters.

I didn't leave a review but the previous chapter was very sweet and the advice James got from his father was both useful and thoughtful, it really made me smile.

- Andy

Author's Response: Thank you very much! Character differentiation is something I always strive for (and sometimes get stuck on writing and re-writing when it comes to dialogue) so it's great to hear that!

There will definitely be more detailed conversations throughout the story. If you do keep reading, I'd love to know if you think it hits a "too much dialogue" point because that's something I always worry about too.

I'm glad you liked the father scene. I haven't ended up with as much opportunity to work the families in as much as I intended, but I do try and I thought this was something that would be reasonable for James to seek guidance about.

Thanks again for your feedback!


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Review #16, by casual_chaos The End of the Line

6th September 2014:
So we get to hear the story from many point of views, I like it! You did justice to Lily; she seems intelligent and compassionate and the heartbreak of having to end a friendship was clearly evident. This is going to be a great story, I can tell already. :)

- Andy

Author's Response: Indeed. You'll DEFINITELY get to read the story from multiple perspectives. I'd say it will primarily be from James and/or Lily's perspective on a chapter by chapter basis, but some other characters will gets chapters from their POVs too where necessary. I'm glad you're liking Lily too. I'm interested to see what you think of her as the story develops too!

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #17, by casual_chaos Ain't No Sunshine

6th September 2014:
Hello!

First off, I am so glad I started reading this story! James seems like a fun-loving, kind but slightly confused person and I am looking forward to reading from his point of view. The pacing is excellent, the two characters we met so far were nicely portrayed and your A/N assured me this story would be exactly my cup of tea! For days I have been in search of a story which deals with the subject of a real romantic relationship with the seriousness it deserves and I think I've found it. The more it drags, the better. :)

- Andy

Author's Response: Howdy!

Thanks for the kind review! I'm glad you jumped in and that you like the portrayal of James. I hope you'll also like the other major characters in the story, and find what I've crafted for some of them to be believable too.

As far as the drag goes, well...let's just say I think you'll find that the progression to James/Lily puts the slow in slow burn, but for me that's just realistic given the last snapshot we get of them in canon at the end of their 5th year.

I hope you continue to enjoy it!


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Review #18, by TheBigA Sixth Year Slump

31st August 2014:
A fully Jily devoted chapter, a so called "black sheep", but rare as they are so far, they are always the most breath taking, nail biting, and hair tearing chapters, knowing underneath all the fascinating characters and thorough details, there is a countdown to Jily, and no matter what it is coming... but when and why is up to YOU, and I can not wait, yet at the same time I can, a.k.a I appreciate the "slow burn" as you call it... Another 10/10.
Keep it up!!!,
-Aaron

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! I worried that James and Lily were a bit TOO talented in their duel, but at the same time, they ended up being one of two couples who were able to thrice defy Voldemort, so I figured they'd find ways to be pretty good, even in school.

As far as James/Lily, there will be plenty more interaction between them starting with the chapter I'm writing at the moment. It won't be some sudden deluge, and circumstances force it to an extent at first, but we're entering "their time" in the story so get ready and get excited!

Thanks for your support and kind reviews!


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Review #19, by RupertsPheonix The Special Visitor

30th August 2014:
Hi, there! For some reason, HPFF isn't letting me log in on my phone. So I'm leaving a review as a guest... I'm sorry.

I think this is a strong chapter. Dumbledore was pretty close to spot on--you had his word choice and speech pattern down pretty well throughout. The only bit that I thought was a little off was when you described his face as souring; I think Dumbledore probably has a little more control over his expressions, from what JKR gives us in the series. Maybe a more appropriate expression would be a raising or furrowing of the eyebrows, whereby Lily could sense his disappointment with her reaction. Just my two cents. You definitely have him down really well overall though, which is a HUGE feat, so well done!

I love James' reaction to Dumbledore. And oh my word do I feel bad for him as he sits in the aftermath of Katie leaving and her letter!

Thanks for a great chapter,
Kate/RP

Author's Response: Hello again!

Thanks so much for the feedback, especially about Dumbledore as I was definitely worried about him. You raise a very good point about the souring - he was certainly quite talented at maintaining a neutral expression and indeed concealing his true feelings or intentions and this probably would have been similar. I diverged a bit because I wasn't sure he would so actively try and conceal his disappointment here, but you may very well be right. Something to think about going forward. I'm glad you thought I did him justice though, especially with the speech!

As for James, yes, he's having a rough go of it at the moment. I won't say that's going to evaporate overnight, but I don't think he'll wallow in it for TOO long.

Thanks for the feedback! It is MUCH appreciated!


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Review #20, by HarryGinnyLove88 Reunions

27th August 2014:
just one question more,
do you finish this story til lily and james
death, or earlier?

Author's Response: Undecided ;)

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Review #21, by TheBigA Three Funerals

27th August 2014:
Ah how could I forget the speech!! It exemplifies your ability to take what you know in real life and mesh it with the Wizarding world. I thought it paralleled a Funeral of someone half Christian and half Jewish, both have different funeral rites and the speech mirrored the division between Muggle and Wizard, Making references to him being a Hufflepuff in the speech. I liked the details you put in such as the muggle side carrying the coffin but the wizards levitating it . Great job on this chapter again I appreciate you getting back to me so fast on my reviews.
Thanks a bunch,
-Aaron

Author's Response: Thanks for responding to my question! I'm glad you thought it meshed well - I was definitely going for an interesting and believable fusion, so that's encouraging to hear!

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Review #22, by TheBigA Growing Pains

27th August 2014:
A very Sirius chapter indeed!!! That seems impossible, so much development in one chapter. It's wonderful that we finally get to know some of Katie's friends and Renee seems like an actual match for Sirius, especially with the stubbornness and I loved how she was able to trick Sirius Into going on a second date with her. Your work with detailing events has really come far, and that's saying something since you were good at it when I started reading Evolution.
Thank you,
-Aaron
P.S. I love how you put time into coming up with witty chapter names it always makes me chuckle.

Author's Response: Ahh the Sirius puns. Classic. What I think will prove interesting about this bit with Renee is that it will actually end up being more about Sirius than it is her. I'm toying with continuing to sprinkle Katie's friends throughout the story (I know they'll make at least a few more larger appearances, but haven't decided beyond that).

Thanks for the positive feedback on the level of detail! I've really been working on that and hopefully you'll find it continues.

You are also the first person to appreciate the effort I've put into the chapter titles! I get a little nutty about titles (both for my stories and chapters) and so it's cool that you like them because I think about them a lot (probably too much).


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Review #23, by HarryGinnyLove88 The Special Visitor

26th August 2014:
finally, you took too long :D
hope another is soon...

can you tell, will Katie come back or not...
I know that you way not want to say, but I really wanna know..
I can help, I`m so curios.. it`s runs in the family :)

if you can, write a private message, so the others may not see, although they maybe want to.

Author's Response: Sorry for the delay. Part of it is working on some other, shorter projects, part of it is outside obligations, and a smaller part is the queue. Know that I'm updating as quickly as I can while balancing all that with keeping up the quality. Believe me, I want to keep updating as much as you want to keep seeing them!

As for that, I have spoiled it in another review response, so I don't mind doing it for you too. Especially as I don't want it to be this lingering question. Katie's gone. James will obviously think about her at times, but she's not coming back as a physical character in the story.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #24, by TheBigA Three Funerals

26th August 2014:
Ah! Okay I think I'm done...Ah! OKAY finally...wow it felt good to do that. Such an exciting chapter! My roommate woke up to me gasping/screaming/sobbing at 1:30 in the morning, sorry Liam if you're reading this... Anyway the 2nd funeral was obviously the most painful for me, the ship of Lionel/Lily finally sank after many punctures in her hull. This was half expected simply because the summer was coming. I had a hunch that Lion/Lily was doomed even with the lake scene as a diversion. The dialogue was interesting and well paced, one of the most memorable scenes so far. Lily brought up some excellent points in her speech and I applaud you in bringing your best work to the table.

The other two funerals were intriguing, although shadowed by a previously mentioned scene. The first one was a way of explaining how they worked, and we will probably have a lot more funerals to come. The last but certainly not least funeral was a very sinister reminder of what's out there. The victim was, I'm assuming a reporter for the Daily Prophet and had written about the Dark Lord. It was intense, and I felt vaguely reminded of Bellatrix Lestrange when the death eaters were closing in on the man.

A truly enticing chapter
Cheers,
-Aaron

Author's Response: Glad you liked it (sorry Liam)! Ahh, the ending of Lily/Lionel. I wondered what you'd think of it. I've found not a lot of people really cared too much about it, but a few thought that Lily was too focused on the physical, which I tried to play as more of a symptom of the larger issue (and tried to underscore in this break-up conversation). I'm glad you thought it went well though!

Yes! The first, I definitely wanted to explore the darkening world before breaking it up a bit with the end of Lily/Lionel and then making it super-real with an actual killing. I hope you thought the half-blood funeral made sense. What did you think of the speech? And you're right about both the victim and the killer as it turns out. Well done!

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #25, by TheBigA Security

26th August 2014:
Wow what a step! Every relationship has it's first "I love you" and "I love you too" and this whole chapter was leading up to that delightful surprise. This chapter felt cozy like being near a fire simply because of its atmosphere. The dialogue, and the attention to detail were my favorite parts, such as Katie taking off James' glasses for him.

My stomach always does somersaults when Katie starts a sentence with the words we need to talk, although it never leads to a break up, it means an awkward conversation is approaching. It all worked out though and I was pleased by James not hesitating to say I love you too back to her.

All in all, another 10/10 piece of work.
-Aaron

Author's Response: I'm really glad you enjoyed the James/Katie "I love you" scene. One of the things I knew for sure about their relationship is that I wanted James to fall in love with Katie. Given his history (only alluded to so far - and it's not as bad as it sounds), I thought it was important that he feel love before his relationship with Lily so that he would know that it's the genuine article when it arrives with her. You'll also see another reason that it's important plot-wise that James fell in love with Katie in later chapters.

Thanks for the feedback!


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