Reading Reviews for Evolution
  
341 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Lucy Cascade: Part I

1st October 2016:
You need to continue this- can you email me at lucykoncar at gmail dot com (I had to put it like this because of the thing) when you post a new chapter?

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Review #2, by The Littlest Weasley Celebration

19th August 2016:
Another amazing chapter! I did not plan to review this one, but I have to because it was so fun to read.

The exchange between James and Lily about the flask was just perfect. [Okay, so I'm a big Jily fan. You caught me ;)] Really though, it was utterly wonderful and they both were in character in that extremely challenging-to-write sense where they were acting unlike themselves in the same way that real people sometimes do, without seeming actually out of character. (I'm not sure that makes sense. I hope you know what I mean.)

And then the convo with Remus. If this wasn't already obvious, I'm also a big Remus fan and I greatly enjoyed this conversation. REMUS IS ALWAYS RIGHT.

So fun. So, so fun. Yay!

yet again,
the Littlest Weasley

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Review #3, by The Littlest Weasley Just a Game

19th August 2016:
Oh, this is definitely my favorite chapter so far! I loved the way you wrote the match. It's no easy feat to write Quidditch in a clear and engaging way, either. Nicely done.

James showed so much determination. Very in character, and it was great that Lily noticed it and was caught off guard.I think she's misjudged him rather badly. Then again, as Mr. Potter said, James doesn't let people see those parts of himself very often.

Lily aside, Katie is certainly showing herself to be compatible with James. hm

Long chapters are fine by me!

see you soon!
The Littlest Weasley

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Review #4, by The Littlest Weasley Differing Opinions

19th August 2016:
Remus is always right. Or, almost always. Doesn't James know this by now??

anyway, our main man has gotten himself into quite a dilemma. I remember very clearly how it felt to come home from college and see my high school friends, and it was like the fit was different. That seems similar to how James is feeling. He is growing and changing and wanting to change, but the most important people in his life have expectations for how he's going to act, and he also wants to meet those. That's tough stuff and I'm glad you've brought it to light.

I adored the dialogue between the Marauders in this chapter.

Passin' it along,
The Littlest Weasley

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Review #5, by The Littlest Weasley Hogwarts Bound

18th August 2016:
I'm back again!

I love this chapter! It was really exciting to meet the other Marauders. You wrote them so well. I am especially impressed with Peter. He can be challenging, but I completely believe this version of him as both a Marauder and a future traitor.

Now the boys think James is after this Katie girl. Hmmm. He doesn't seem opposed, but on the other hand he just spend so much thought into his interest in Lily. I suppose only time will tell what happens.

I didn't get a very strong sense of what Lily's friends are like, but I was happy to see Petunia and Potions discussed, as these are both important areas for Lily in canon.

I know I said this before, but I think the start of this story is great! You are surely your own worst critic!

Happy Pass It Along!
The Littlest Weasley

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Review #6, by The Littlest Weasley The End of the Line

18th August 2016:
Hello again, Kevin!

Lily ♥
I think it's almost impossible not to love her. You've done a brilliant job of conveying her thought process here. It shows both a logical side and a compassionate side to her, which seems very in line with canon.

It seems to me that this chapter presents the Lily/Sev friendship as a closed case, so to speak. It's all very final and well thought out. As I personally do not enjoy Snily, this is good news for the Little Weasley! (However, I realize my interpretation could be wrong.)

I noticed that this chapter felt very removed from the events being described. If you were to revise this chapter, what do you think about writing a scene where Snape comes to beg Lily's forgiveness? Just a little idea.

I enjoyed meeting your Lily, and I'm excited to read more.

Happy Pass It On Challenge!
The Littlest Weasley

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Review #7, by The Littlest Weasley Ain't No Sunshine

18th August 2016:
Hello Kevin!

It's high time the Littlest Weasley stopped by to leave you a few reviews for the Pass It Along Challenge.

I know you haven't updated this for a bit, but it called to me anyway as a sort of magnum opus on your AP.

One thing I noticed immediately is the voice you give James. It isn't the usual, breezy and confident voice we usually see from him. He does come across as confident, but his inner narrative is sincere. He displays a capacity for growth and maturity here that is often ignored in his character until the moment when - POOF - he's suddenly the Man of Lily's Dreams. It's clear already that you're not looking to take any shortcuts as you develop his character. Kudos to you for that! *applauds*

I hadn't given much thought to the Potters having a house elf, but it makes sense. I like that James doesn't question the institution, but also treats Tinka with reasonable dignity. I think you've stuck a believable balance between a Malfoy-like attitude and a Hermione-like horror.

In your responses to other reviews, I see that you don't think that highly of the earlier chapters in this story. Frankly, I think you're being quite hard on yourself! There's always room for improvement, of course, but this is overall an effective first chapter. You've introduced us to James very effective by getting inside his head, and you've set up the conflict both as a Jily romance (with Snape as antagonist) and as a journey of personal growth for James.

Well done! I look forward to reading more.

~The Littlest Weasley

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Review #8, by xopurelyinnocentxo Sunrise

26th June 2016:
Hello! I recently begun reading your series, and I love it! It is so wonderfully sweet and real and I feel like I am growing with the characters as I read and feel their loves and sadnesses change with them. Thank you for writing your story. I am excited for more, but take your time and do it how you feel is right. That's always how the best stories are made.

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Review #9, by CamThomas10 Sunrise

20th May 2016:
Just found this story and I absolutely love it. It's amazing how you've managed to show all the different points of view. I'm impressed how lon you managed to hold off the James and Lily formal relationship but I think it will go very well, just hope there aren't to many hiccups along the way.
Please don't stop and just keep writing more because it's amazing!!!

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Review #10, by StarFeather Differing Opinions

15th May 2016:
Hi, Kevin! I came here to cheer you up after you determined to read fellow gryffies' stories.

Your characterization of Marauders is accurate, which is no exception. Remus is clever, he could see through James's intentions. Peter didn't have his own idea, wasn't brave enough to say "no" distinctly against Sirius. Sirius was portrayed as a reckless gambler who always sought for the hilarious event (prank). And James...I remembered your thought when I shouted for help with Jilly fic, I could see how you were going to lead his progress to the next step, more mature for the aim that he had a strong desire to gain Lily's trust, though he still felt it was hard for him to behave differently, the act was done reluctantly.

I'll come back again.

Kenny

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Review #11, by EnigmaticEyes16 Another Run-In

4th May 2016:
Nix here again for the Sitewide Hot Seat!

Oh, James and Lily have their first encounter! And James isn't being his usual smug self! That's a good start. Maybe Sirius did him a favor pushing him into Lily, even if he doesn't know it.

I wonder what Lily is thinking during that very awkward silence between them. And what she thinks of James being nice to her. I'm very curious to continue reading this story to see how it all plays out even though this will be last Hot Seat review.

All in all, I think you have a great story going here! Great job!

xxNix

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Review #12, by EnigmaticEyes16 Hogwarts Bound

3rd May 2016:
Hello! I am back again for the Sitewide Hot Seat!

Yay! We're finally on our way back to Hogsmeade! I was super excited to finally meet Lily's friends. Although it sounds like Petunia is a right brat, keeping her sister from going to France with her friends. I wonder though what happened when Lily delivered her letter Severus? Seems she's cut her ties with him though if she's already worrying about finding a new potions partner. I wonder who it will be? Better yet, I wonder if it will be James?

And now we have James and the other Marauders! I like how James completely zones out on Sirius' speech because Lily caught his eye. But at the same time I'm not exactly sure he's doing the best job of following his father's advice. But I suppose, when you're a sixteen year old male, maturity takes time. At least it's his long-term goal, right? And no one said he couldn't date other girls while he works to earn Lily's approval. And Remus wants to be more sociable and also get a date or two! That's so cute! And Peter wants to come up with and execute his own prank all by himself!? I'm very curious to see how that turns out!

All in all, I thought this was a great chapter and that the characters are really developing. I can't wait to see what happens once they arrive at Hogwarts!

xxNix

Author's Response: Huzzah "Train to Hogwarts" chapter!

Petunia's pretty messed up, absolutely, which we'll see more of later, but yes the Lily and Severus friendship has been terminated and the fallout from that will continue to be seen in glimpses (more from Snape's perspective until edits) going forward.

Haha, ogling witches probably isn't the best way to follow his father's advice is it? But he is a red-blooded wizard of 16-ish and so I felt that there was an element of that that was GOING to happen...and I wanted to make clear that his summer-long interest is actually coupled with physical attraction too. I'm glad you liked the other guys' goals - we'll see how you like each of them going forward.

Thanks again!


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Review #13, by EnigmaticEyes16 Words of Wisdom

3rd May 2016:
Nix again! Here for the Sitewide Hot Seat!

This was an interesting chapter! I loved seeing the interaction between James and his father! I love that his father had such an interesting tidbit of information to get him started on the right path.

Lily must have really gotten under his skin if he felt the need to go to his father for advice. I like that he was able to have this sort of conversation with his father. It's clear that the Potters might be a very understanding, forward-thinking kind of couple and I'm very intrigued to know more about them!

And maybe it will work and maybe it won't, but I'm curious to see how James progresses into a more mature adult after receiving this information.

Another wonderful chapter!
xxNix

Author's Response: Haha Francis (AKA Fleamont...UGH) was to feature so much more prominently (and still will after edits), but I'm glad you liked him here as well as the dynamic. It's written a lot that James was spoiled and I wanted to preserve that post-canon tidbit because I do believe it's probably true, but I also wanted to cultivate a much more different dynamic in association with the spoiling than we see with Lucius and Draco for example as for James to have become the way he became, his parents had to spoil him a bit with permissiveness, but be loving and interested in HIM enough as their son to develop a special connection. Plus, I feel like they had to be more progressive for James to go the way he did - maybe that's not true, but it's the way I've always seen it.

Re: James's progression, while I'm not as dissatisfied with it as Lily's early-middle representation, I am actually somewhat dissatisfied with it because I think it comes a bit too easily for him. The two may go somewhat hand-in-hand, but in flipping the perception of James Potter, I think Lily got a little overly negatived in that portion, while James didn't enjoy enough struggle (but again, that's what edits are for, right?).

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #14, by EnigmaticEyes16 The End of the Line

3rd May 2016:
Hello again! I am here again for the Sitewide Hot Seat!

I'm super excited for the switching of POVs, I think it's a great touch to this story. Lily's POV was also very interesting to read. Of course, she hasn't spent the summer worrying about James Potter, she's spent it worrying about Severus, and what she should say to him, and, of course, what kind of person he's coming.

It's understandable that even after so many years of being such close friends, Lily and Severus are not the same kids they used to be. Severus especially has grown darker and darker, absorbing himself in books on Dark Magic and becoming friends with Slytherins who share the same interest.

I think him calling Lily a mudblood was simply the second shoe finally dropping for Lily. If their friendship isn't enough to keep him from directing that hate on his best friend, then how can they be friends in the end?

I wonder how Severus will respond when she delivers it to him. I'm very curious to see what happens next. Especially now that they are about to return to Hogwarts soon.

Great chapter!
xxNix

Author's Response: Ahh...one of the few chapters where I like the early Lily I wrote :P

I would roll on with a more detailed response, but you've pretty well hit the nail on the head as far as my thoughts about the the Snape and Lily dynamic and the real reason their friendship went terminal from that point.

Thanks again for the R&R!


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Review #15, by EnigmaticEyes16 Ain't No Sunshine

3rd May 2016:
Hi! I'm here to give some last minute reviews for the Sitewide Hot Seat! I think I've read some of your other stories before, but this one caught my eye, which is surprising because I don't often read Jilys, but I'm curious to see your interpretation of them.

I really enjoyed this first chapter. I very intrigued to know what exactly went on in May after the incident we see in Snape's Worst Memory. But clearly it was not a win for either boy...

I also like how he's not obsessed with Lily like most people's headcanon of him. He's clearly a bit fond of her maybe, but he's not falling over himself because of her. I also really enjoyed the added touch about how he AND Sirius like to ask Lily out (but as a joke) constantly in order to annoy her.

I think your headcanon of Lily is also interesting. She seems a bit like Hermione as she's constantly got her nose in a book, and is always spending time in the library or common room studying. Plus, she seems to be quite the stickler for the rules.

It's already becoming very clear that these two are opposites but a spark's already ignited as James can't seem to keep Lily off his mind. I'm very curious to see how this plays out, and I'm glad you plan on taking your time with it, instead of rushing these two very different people together too quickly.

I'm also very curious about why James was asking Tinka about what his dad does in his study. That seemed very out of place in this particular chapter but I'm sure we'll soon find out more as we are introduced to James' parents in the story.

Great first chapter! I'll be checking out the next one soon!

xxNix

Author's Response: Howdy Nix! Sorry for taking so long, but here I am.

I am really glad when I hear from people who appreciate the different take on James's feelings about Lily. Generally the feedback has been good here, but I've gotten plenty of flak for how it's played out from some corners because of some of JKR's interview comments about that - nevertheless, I press on undeterred in my belief that James Potter was not completely sappy in love with Lily Evans because I remain steadfast in believing that James Potter, contrary to popular belief, wasn't all that bothered with dating before he was a bit older than many others become more deeply invested in it. Though you'll see he has a certain reputation, you'll also see some controversy about that behind the scenes and I hope you'll be interested to find out the TRUTH about JP1.

As far as Lily herself goes...I'll be honest and say that whatever others remark, I'm really not satisfied with her treatment or development after the first several chapters until much later in the story. The early parts got too James-centric in some regards and I think that weakened some of the development of her character that I intended to do - it's something I hope to come back to because while I do believe what you've taken from her is true about her (especially the stickler for the rules bit), I think the former winds up a bit overdone as does the emphasis on the Lily and James dynamic despite the slow burn.

That question to Tinka is, I promise, not a throwaway line :P Though it doesn't all get developed as well as I'd like either at this point, it is (sort of) a delayed segue.

Thanks for all the feedback!


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Review #16, by Felpata Lupin Hogwarts Bound

1st May 2016:
Ah, I always enjoy a good Hogwarts Express chapter! :D

I enjoyed the Lily bit and the introduction of her friends! Poor girl... between her "break up" with Snape and the troubles with her sister, she's having quite a hard time...

I also really loved the Marauders bit, and the new year intentions' tradition! Very clever!
Poor Peter, never taken seriously...
I think James could've been sincere, but I guess I know why he wasn't. He's scared his friends wouldn't take him seriously and would make fun of him. Can't wait to see how sixth year will go!

Another great chapter! I'm loving this story more and more!
Much love,
Chiara

Author's Response: Ahh...as you'll see later, James is worried that one friend in particular would do more than just make fun, but that certainly plays a part and definitely at that age I think for any guy. I'm glad you loved the friend dynamic though! And stay tuned for Peter's attempt!

Yes, Lily has been quite (comparatively) oppressed thanks to her relatively toxic relationship with the embittered Petunia, but she'll (hopefully) demonstrate her strength and resilience to you soon (even though I need to do a better job with her character through the early and early-middle stages of the story).

Thanks again for your reviews!


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Review #17, by Felpata Lupin Words of Wisdom

1st May 2016:
"Women have a gift for that, leaving the boy in the past when the man emerges."
My favourite sentence!!!

I loved this father/son conversation so much! Francis is surely a wise man and a great father and I find it so touching that James goes to him for advice.

What he says is very profound, too! We all show only a facade of who we are most of the time. Showing our true self can be hard, but can also be the only way to learn something about ourselves and to build sincere relationships and simply to grow up. And it's so clear that there's so much more to James Potter than just the prankster...

Another wonderful chapter! Can't wait to read on!
Much love,
Chiara

Author's Response: That was probably my favorite line of this way-too-short chapter as well because it's so true (or I like to think so anyway).

I'm glad you like Francis too. I always envisioned James and being rather similar to his father even though his father has grown up to be someone quite important and much smoother around the edges over time and I wanted that to shine through here so that his father could really help him - and show that despite his workload and despite the whole parent-teenager thing they have to deal with, that James respects his father and really values the relationship with him. My only regret is not finding a way to get more of this into the story (but that's what edits are for, right)?

I'm glad you're already seeing another dimension to James too. It's one that's been there that he's hidden very well (and very foolishly), but I'm interested in your thoughts on whether it comes to the fore too easily and without enough challenges.

Let me know!


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Review #18, by Felpata Lupin The End of the Line

1st May 2016:
This is so perfect!!!
Exactly my headcanon of what Lily would think and feel after the mudblood incident.
And your writing is so smooth, so perfect... I'm just speechless, I have no idea what to say except, brilliant!
Need to jump straight to chap 3 (but I'll have to make myself some lunch first :P)
Stunning job so far, Kevin! Thank you for sharing!

Author's Response: ! I'm glad we're in sync on this one. I know with the conversation where Snape tries to redeem himself post-incident many people have speculated THAT was the end or that it would've been easy for her to cut ties, but after everything they went through together I imagined it being very difficult and something she really deliberated over while Snape tried to do everything he could to salvage the friendship - interestingly EXCEPT one of the major things that ultimately caused the break.

Thanks again for the review!


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Review #19, by Felpata Lupin Ain't No Sunshine

1st May 2016:
Hello, Kevin!
I'm here for the first of (still don't know how many) your reviews for the Site-Wide Hot Seat!!!

I was very doubtful about what to pick... Everything on your AP looks so interesting... But I love Jily, and this seemed so interesting, and Ysh mentioned it, too... So I just had to stop by here! :D

And well, this first chapter is already incredibly promising... I love this dig into James' mind. I think you really captured the complexity of his personality so wonderfully!!!

I love the idea that him constantly asking Lily out started off as a prank. I never thought about that possibility, but it makes perfect sense.

I also absolutely loved Tinka, and the way James interacts with her. House-elves don't receive enough credit...

Sorry for cutting this short, but I just want to read on now... Anyway, this was some awesome work so far!

Happy Hot Seat!
Much love,
Chiara

Author's Response: Howdy Chiara! Sorry it's taken so long to respond, but I'm glad you liked this! You're too kind to what lies on my AP, BUT as a fellow James/Lily fan I hope you'll keep enjoying it.

I will say that I imagine James asking her out as a prank because I'm a bit of an oddball in my views about the couple. Despite all that's been said, I've just never been big on this idea that they always liked each other behind everything or that James was so completely smitten with her. However, here, James has a wake-up call and sees her differently than he does other witches which intrigues him and sparks him to pursue her (and make the changes necessary for such a pursuit to be viable). As I hope you'll see as you carry on though, who "changes" more or whether they, at their core, change much about their inner selves at all will be up for debate. Regardless, part of that choice is to fit my belief that James and Lily were actually always quite similar, they just needed to adapt their thinking to see it.

I'm glad you liked Tinka too! While she was fun and interesting to write, I hoped his treatment of her would shed some light on the Potters as a progressive pureblood family and on James as not being quite so bad as Lily makes him out to be.

Thanks for R&R-ing!


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Review #20, by StarFeather O Captain, My Captain

30th April 2016:
Hallo, Kevin! I thought of stopping by after I saw your name on the forums. Forgive me, my English isn't good, I'm not sure if I can tell my thoughts precisely.

I love to read quidditch things. I remembered Harry in his sixth year, was in the same situation as James. I was excited, your descriptions about tryouts are fun to read. You captured the characteristic of Sirius very well, his attitude towards James is exact Sirius Black.

It's pleasant to imagine that James is distracted by Lily's presence, but you didn't write so easily. Were Lily's best friends spying James? What for?

I always like your naming the players. Ah, O'Shea, is that Irish name? And Craig! I like the name, too. I heard the same title of the Irish tune played often in the pub.

Hmm, I imagined Kaitie Bell when I read Wallenby..., wait, didn't Slughorn invite the Wallenby boy to his club?

I really enjoyed the active scene James and Sirius engaged themselves in the tryouts and the descriptions about the way how the players worked hard to get each position.

You changed Lily on the banner, nice! I like her.

Kenny

Author's Response: Howdy Kenny! Yup, I did change the Lily on the banner as the other one I decided was too old.

I'm glad you liked the tryout scene and the characterizations in there. Re: Katie Wallenby, you're actually the FIRST person to notice that connection - I came up with the last name as it's one of the incorrect last names Slughorn calls Ron in the HBP movie.

Since you're kind enough to review, I will let you know that Lily's friends weren't there for her or to watch James...well...to watch him for any reason other than Quidditch. As you'll see later, they're actually quite into Quidditch, to the point that they eventually drag Lily to a match even though she's not nearly as enthused.

Thanks for your feedback Kenny! I always appreciate when you stop by to R&R!


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Review #21, by marauderfan The Price of Popularity

30th April 2016:
The flowers... haha, James is such a cheeseball.

wow, as for the rest of it though, poor Katie. To be just an average girl, not popular, not unpopular, just average - and then to suddenly be the most talked about person at school, and none of it good, that's got to be so difficult. I hope this perception of all the whispers is just because we're seeing the situation through Katie's eyes, and not because literally every girl at school has nothing to talk about other than gossip about a boy :P And those girls in the library were totally giving Hufflepuff a bad name. Don't they know Hufflepuff is the house for the nice people? For shame, Rebecca! I hope the gossip calms down soon. I guess gossip usually does calm down once people find something else to talk about, so that's good at least!

I think James and Katie's discussion at the end was really well written. She's hesitant to be vulnerable and talk about things that really bother her because she doesn't want to be whiny and also doesn't want to hurt James, because a lot of it wasn't particularly nice about him either. And he's ashamed of some of his past and how it's landed her in this situation. But the way they talk about it is a very 'we're in this together' sort of way, as they both know it's a rough situation but they'll help each other through. They're already going through some difficulties but the way they respond to it says a lot, and they're supportive of each other. I think it bodes well for them in the future.

This was a great chapter!

Author's Response: I will definitely say that the whispers are more perception than reality with a few people excepted. Eyes ARE on her because people are (based on James's past) legitimately intrigued about him dating HER, but for most it doesn't really go beyond that. She's (as will be developed more later) got a bit of insecurity about herself in certain areas and that scene is a sort of first symptom. And yeah...those Hufflepuffs are NOT doing their house proud. But y'all can't ALL be perfect can you?

I'm really encouraged that you found the discussion to be a positive point as it was a portion I really worried about. Fortunately your comments help me know it came across as I wanted!


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Review #22, by marauderfan One Day in November

30th April 2016:
I do really like Katie. She has a lot of integrity, and it's been evident in earlier chapters but especially clear here, as she's preparing for her date - she is who she is, and isn't going to change who she is for the sake of becoming the image she thinks another person wants her to be. She's so right - if he doesn't like her as she is, she can find someone who does.

And I like that James appreciates that about her too - he noticed she just looked like herself.

In this chapter it feels like where the reader is first getting to really know what Katie is like as a person, and that she's not going to be just a plot device, but an important character in her own right.

Their date was really cute - who knew James could play the violin? Kudos to him for originality :P James and Katie really are cute together and have a lot of chemistry. I hate that you're going to break them up eventually. :P But I'm sure you'll have good reasons, canon being the most obvious one haha

Author's Response: Huzzah! I think you're the first person to comment about how much this chapter reveals about Katie as a character. Most seem to sort of take it in stride as either a necessary first-date chapter with obligatory girl-gets-ready scene, but the purpose is right in line with what it's helped you deduce about her.

It's another aspect of why James likes her - she's straightforward with who she is and though she definitely has fire in her, can also be very tender. Accordingly, her friends, well-meaning as they were, would've sunk the ship early if she'd followed their advice because James isn't all about appearances behind the scenes.

And yes, for reasons you'll find out later, James has actually developed quite a bit of musical talent. It won't necessarily be central, but it's a pretty well-kept secret at school and so the fact that he shows Katie is meant to show that he is serious about her and cares to show a hidden part of himself.


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Review #23, by marauderfan Aftermath

30th April 2016:
I'm back, as promised! I loved the prank idea with the notes. That sounds like such a nice prank, (never thought I'd use those two words together) with them sending notes of compliments to everyone. Though I do wonder how complimentary the notes to the Slytherins actually were. Like what would they write to Snape? "Dear Snivelly, your hair didn't look as greasy as usual today. Keep up the good work." :P

Lily kept the note from James in her book! And she's hiding it from her friends! Ahh! I know it doesn't mean she likes him yet- far from it - but she is definitely thinking about him a lot more than she used to, and what's more, hiding that fact from her friends.

Ah, I suspected Remus had figured James out. As someone who keeps such a big secret himself, he probably can tell when other people are keeping secrets, and James isn't really subtle. But Remus calling James out on pursuing someone as a cover story will probably get James to make some decisions. I mean, James certainly does seem to like Katie, even if he chose her as a cover story. And she actually likes him too, which must be pretty encouraging. Poor James though, it's really evident in this exchange how uncomfortable he is with his secrets being exposed, while Remus just kind of figures things out nonchalantly :P

great chapter!

Author's Response: Haha...that's actually a really good question, and one that I frankly haven't thought much about - but obviously this is James's goofy first attempt at trying to be better while keeping his cover with his friends and indulging in pranking at the same time.

Though I haven't revealed what's in the note yet, you will find out what's in there if you keep reading - I haven't decided whether it will be by way of flashback, discovery by another character, or a conversation between them - but it will happen. Lily's reason for hiding the note will also become clear at that time, though the way she thinks of the note now and the reason she hid it are actually quite different.

And of course Remus. I've always considered him the most observant of the four and though it may be unfair to him, at this point he's somewhat settled into the role of revealing those observations and causing other characters to think about themselves (and others) as a result - which definitely happens here.

Thanks for the R&R!


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Review #24, by Unwritten Curse Words of Wisdom

30th April 2016:
What a wonderful addition! I'm loving Francis Potter, and I'm so glad that you've included James's family in this piece (from your A/N, I'm assuming that will continue). Francis is cleverly done. I can tell by the way he speaks that he's older (and wise), that he loves James (especially with the teasing), and that he was very much like James as a kid.

I find it fascinating that both James and Lily seem to be on a sort of precipice entering their sixth year. They're both facing some changes that will ultimately help them to grow (and to grow together, in time). Are we going back to Hogwarts soon? Because I am desperate to see how they interact after "the incident." :)

-- Gina

Author's Response: -grumble- This is my least favorite chapter because it's so short. -end grumble- I'm determined to come back and flesh it out more, but it's good that you got the right read on Francis (ahem...Fleamont? Yuck...). Still one of my big frustrations is not having been able to do more with the family dynamic in the story as it's really something I wanted to hit harder and so I'll have to try and draw on your comments here to see how I can weave both parents in better even while the kiddos are at school.

You're absolutely right about the precipice though, which is exactly where I wanted them poised. That first interaction is also something I may want to tweak a little (I like it as is, but you raise a good point about what happened at the end of 5th and how that would likely play in...or maybe not...maybe like I originally thought she's kind of laid that to bed by then...second guessing myself :p).

Back to Hogwarts next!


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Review #25, by Unwritten Curse The End of the Line

30th April 2016:
This is beautiful. Truly beautiful.

I think you write Lily better than you write James. And please don't take this as a criticism of your characterization of the latter, because you already know how well I think you write James, it's just... This is Lily. Complex and thoughtful and eloquent and mature. This is everything I imagine Lily to be and that you captured everything in one chapter is astounding.

The letter almost made me cry. I can imagine how hard it was to write it, especially considering their shared history. Snape was her first magical friend, her introduction to the wizarding world, and closing that door must have been excruciating. But it was best for her. (And hopefully a wake-up call to Snape.)

I'm excited to see how this changes her relationship with James. Will they become friends now?

On to the next!

-- Gina

Author's Response: I'm glad you like Lily too! I will say that I think I had a better handle on Lily at this point than I did on James because even though she's female, I feel like I was a lot more like Lily than James at that stage of my life. Well...more than feel like - I WAS.

My hope in edits is to come back and make this character much more apparent in the first half of the story, which I just...don't think does her justice until much later chapters because I let things get too James-focused to retain her depth. I'd be interested to see what you think of her as the story progresses and thoughts you have on how I might make changes that make that happen!


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