Reading Reviews for Evolution
  
43 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Matt Three Funerals

23rd April 2014:
I am really enjoying this series. I think your plot and character developments are brilliant. Please continue!

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing! I am hoping to post the next chapter tonight, so if the queue cooperates you should have an update soon!

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Review #2, by peacock33 Security

17th April 2014:
Thanks for taking the time to respond to reviews. And I remembered that I did find a flaw in Katie - haha. Her unwillingness to let James help her seemed pretty silly to me. That's like acting like someone having a tutor is shameful or cheating, when it's just someone being humble and wise enough to admit that they need help. Not a big deal, but I thought it was slightly ridiculous that she was so adamant about it. But Lily wasn't much better when James offered to help her, so I guess Katie still comes off looking better.

Author's Response: Hello again! Thanks for dropping back by! I think partly because of what I mentioned in my last response as well, Katie's flaws aren't made as prominent. Her stubborn refusal of help is definitely supposed to be one. Others I attempted to put in were some slight insecurity and though it's not a flaw in her person, she's not particularly magically talented (so more a weakness I guess).

As for Lily, her flaws are made more clear on purpose, because part of the story is not just about how James changes, but how Lily realizes she has room to grow too, though re: help, hers is intended more to be arrogance and distrust (due to holding onto judgments she made about James a long time ago).

Thanks again for stopping back by!


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Review #3, by peacock33 Security

16th April 2014:
I know you're said that the signs for James and Katie's breakup have already supposed to have been shown, but I have to admit that so far I can't really see why they would break up. The only really significant problems they seem to have so far are Sirius and her dad, both of which would be pretty unsatisfying reasons for them breaking up.
With your hint that their breakup will be nontraditional, I'm starting to wonder if Katie is going to die or be sent away by her dad meaning that their breakup will not be something they would have chosen to do.

While I'm glad that you have made Katie so great so that James doesn't seem shallow or stupid for dating someone so obviously horrible (which happens in many stories), I would hope that their relationship has some real closure and we can get a sense that James is actually with Lily because he really loves her and not just by default because something outside his control separated him from Katie.

While I don't subscribe to the the whole notion that only one soulmate can make you happy and know that people can love more than one person in their life, I do have to admit that it would be pretty unsatisfying to have one half of the main couple seem like they are pining after someone else or that they will always be wondering what if. It would just make me feel so bad for Lily.

So I'm interested to see how things progress and hope that you can develop James/Lily as well as you have James/Katie, since you seemed to put a lot of effort into really developing that relationship and have done a great job so far (perhaps almost too good-haha). But at least it has made your portrayal of Lily/James different and the road to them getting together will be interesting, as like you said it definitely doesn't seems inevitable at this point.

And I hope that Sirius finds some contentment, whether that's with one girl or not.

Can't wait for more!

Author's Response: Howdy! Thanks for continuing to read and review!

So the best laid plans of mice and men right? While I have had the end of James/Katie planned (thought not yet written) since it began, I will be the first to admit that their relationship ultimately took a course closer to "perfect" than I ever intended. I intended that relationship to serve a LOT of purposes (one of which is attacking the soulmate trope) and so I deliberately made it real, meaningful, and strong, but I also always knew what was coming. So selfishly, as her creator, I ended up liking Katie too much to want to cause her too much strife. Did I adjust course a bit because of that? Yes. But I still hope/think it will make for a more powerful conclusion to James/Katie.

As for your guesses, I initially typed out a massive response, but it got way too spoiler-y and since I haven't included spoilers in other responses, I just can't bring myself to start now. Know that I have wrestled with your concerns and that while it may not look that way now (and you can feel free to call me to the carpet later if I fail you), I really do feel confident that you will NOT find the end unsatisfying. I certainly hope you don't.

I can absolutely promise that James/Lily will receive massive build-up. It's going to be long. There will be some angst. But I will not allow Lily to come off as second choice.

Sirius...he's really vexing me. I scrapped what I had planned for him a long time ago and while I have a few ideas in my mind to replace that, I haven't settled on one yet. Sadly, contentment is not on his horizon, but he won't be entirely luckless throughout the rest of the story.

Wow. You probably don't even want to read this long mess, but hopefully it addressed your concerns and conveyed how much thought I've given them and how much I appreciated your review.

I hope you end up enjoying what's still to come!


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Review #4, by Court Security

15th April 2014:
Great to see another chapter. I'm glad that Sirius apologized and am interested to see if things warm up between him and Katie. I think having Katie set him up is probably not the best idea, but I'll guess we'll see.
While it was nice to see James and Katie getting on so well together, I have to admit that it's hard for me to see why how and why they are going to break up anytime soon. The only thing I can see is that she won't get along with Sirius, but that seems like a silly reason to break up. I feel like you've done more of a job of showing the problems in Lily and Lionel's relationship, so sometimes I feel it's a little unfair to Lily since her relationship is obviously worse-haha just me reading too much into it. It's hard at least for me when you know that James and Lily are the end game to really enjoy their other relationships.
Since James and Katie seem so perfect, I am kind of wondering how/why Lily will be such a better fit for James than Katie.
Anyway, I'm happy he's experiencing another real relationship before Lily, but it's too bad he's serious with someone whose so relatively close to Lily as I figure that will be pretty awkward. I'm really interested to see how you will bring James and Lily together as at this point in the story, it's hard for me to see or imagine at all. But that will just make the whole journey there more interesting! I just hope it's not too soon after James and Katie break up and not too hurtful or awkward for Katie and Lily.
Anyway, thanks for sharing your great story and taking the time to comment.

Author's Response: Thanks for continuing to read and review! It's great to see you again!

Re: James/Katie, the only thing I can really say without playing spoiler is that the end of that relationship is "non-traditional".

Re: James/Katie vs. Lily/Lionel, I only have two defenses. The first is completely plot oriented. I have had in mind how James/Katie will end since that relationship began and so I've treated it differently from Lily/Lionel with that in mind. The second is Lily-based. Lily/Lionel is really designed to show both Lily and you as the reader what Lily wants in a relationship. As I'm sure you've noticed there are a couple obvious things already, and there will be maybe one more before that relationship ends. I've actually felt that I was being a bit unfair to Lionel throughout the process, because he is a good guy, but just not for Lily. Hopefully it will all come together well.

Re: James/Katie vs. James/Lily...that has been a tension for me as I developed the plot. What I concluded very early into the story is that I did not want to set up James/Lily as "inevitable" aside from the fact that you as the readers know it is endgame. From inside the story, I wanted it to look like James felt - that Katie is a girl that absolutely could have worked for him had things not gone as they will end up. I'm not sure if James or you will come to appreciate that Lily is drastically better for him than Katie (though I think she is), but that the eventual James/Lily was more natural and fitting all things considered (if that makes any sense).

I know the long game is frustrating, but we're getting to the next inflection point in the story soon, so hopefully you'll enjoy it when it comes and as the story continues to develop!

Thanks for continuing to R&R! You are awesome!


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Review #5, by maraudertimes Ain't No Sunshine

3rd April 2014:
Hi! Review swap!

I really liked how this panned out. It was really cool to see your version of James, and James/Lily, and I've never seen it portrayed in such a way. Usually, Lily is sort of a social butterfly, if not, really sweet and nice and has tons of boys trailing after her, all of whom are only chased away by James. And James is almost always smitten with Lily from Day 1, so to see this contrast, where it was all just to tease the shy girl, is both refreshing, and horrible in the sense that they're so cruel, but it's so marauders-esque that horrible isn't bad. I hope that made sense. In short: I liked it! :)

James's mentality during the scene is really good, and although not much happened and it's pretty short, it's a good introduction and really helped set up the stage for your plot, in my opinion. You have the main characters (the other marauders) set up beautifully as James's friends, and may I say it's a delight to see Peter Pettigrew portrayed as James's friend, not suspicious friend, but honest-to-goodness friend? Kudos on that front!

Other than that, I liked how you used the house elf, because obviously the Potters had quite a bit of money, and in that day in age it would make sense for them to have a house elf, and judging from James Potter I, without Snape being around, the Potters definitely would have treated her nicely, just as you've added in, which was a nice touch (I also loved the bit about the bacon!).

In short, great introduction, even though it's a little small - sometimes less is more. It was really interesting and you've set up everything really nicely!

Great job!
Lo:)

Author's Response: Thanks! You are super, leaving a review for me before I had left you one after you proposed the swap!

I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter and my take on some of the characters and relationships. This was literally the first chapter of fiction of any kind I had written in about four years, so it's good to hear I haven't totally lost it.

I definitely appreciate your comments about it being a little small. I have wondered about this as I have gotten deeper into the story, and I think it's one of a number of things I'll probably go back and tweak or supplement when I edit. My plan was to keep the early chapters fairly short, because I wanted to ping-pong between James and Lily's POVs and use the events of Snape's Worst Memory as a set up for the START of the titular evolution, but I think maybe they're still a bit TOO short.

On a more minor note, I'm also really glad you liked Tinka and the bacon! One of my struggles with the Marauders is humor (I never really write "humor" pieces) and that was my first crack at injecting it in this story so it's comforting to know someone thought it came off.

Thanks again!


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Review #6, by Clarisse again ;) Sunset

30th March 2014:
Hey did you stop writing? I really hope you didn't because i love your work and i'm really exited for chapter 25!

Author's Response: To answer your question - NO! I am participating in a couple of story challenges with deadlines looming and the queue has been filling up a lot recently so I'm trying to make sure I get those challenge entries complete by the deadlines. I have written all the way through the next to last chapter of Sixth Year, it's just a matter of getting them posted once the challenge entries validate!

Glad you are excited! I am too!


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Review #7, by Maelody The Prince's Pain

18th March 2014:
Hey there! I'm back again! :)

So I think you need not worry about Snape. I think what you've done here is amazing, and that last bit, I really liked.

There's always been "two sides" of Snape that the reader gets to see. The Death Eater/bad guy we all thought him to be, and the man who vowed to watch over the son of his love once she passed. That's all we know , and I think this was wonderfully done with all we know of him.

I really like how you delved into how he planned it all out, like he discusses in the last chapter in his POV, but Potter was there because of Lily. It was something he didn't expect, and it threw him off. I especially like that he was ready and willing to hurt his "friends" if they hurt Lily in the duels. It brings out that part of Snape that everyone actually likes ;).

The beginning was very McGonagall-esque by the way. You captured her character quite well in this one, and I think James' responses were pretty spot on, too. Makes me wish they would have thought to accio their attackers' masks off! ;) alas, no one can think of everything when they're dueling it out, can they? Haha :)

This has to be one of my favorite chapters so far simply because it really, REALLY, catches some of the best characterization of some of the big characters here. You did an excellent job, even if it didn't do much more than reveal suspicion. :)

Can't wait to read on! :)

~Mae

Author's Response: Whoo! There is nothing like coming back to such a wonderful review after a forced absence for the past few days!

I was definitely hoping to capture the duality of Snape here, with his preparation and willingness to be cold and cruel, but his "softer" side which flows from the depth of his feelings for Lily, so I'm glad that came through.

I'm also relieved you enjoyed the last bit. As I was going through the chapter I had definitely decided that I wanted to use the potion-making process to contrast with his emotions, but worried I may have gone a bit overboard since the detailed descriptions involved aren't often my forte.

Now that I'm back, I'm definitely working on getting updates done for both my WIPs (especially as the deadline on one creeps disturbingly nearer)! Thanks as always for reading on and of course for your splendid reviews!


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Review #8, by cnewk Sunset

16th March 2014:
I think Lily's shooting herself in the foot there.and very much in denial about many things. Keep up the good work. And nice prank.

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing!

We will see soon enough what happens with Lily as a result of this chapter and exactly where she stands heading into summer. And I'm glad you enjoyed the prank!

I owe my other WIP an update first, but I will get another chapter up ASAP.


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Review #9, by august Sunset

16th March 2014:
I loved this Lily-James interaction! Even though Lily came out as being the less mature one, but I guess it's all part of their evolution :). Just try not to make her too stuck-up, as other fanfics sometimes tend to do. I also liked that you made Peter a worthy Marauders. I'm always disappointed when fanfics turn him into this meaningless character. I'm really looking forward to the next chapters, I like where the story is going!

Author's Response: Hello again! Thanks for leaving another review!

Since we've been so focused on James, I thought it wouldn't be realistic for Lily to have nothing about herself that needs changing. I'm not sure if I hit the nail on the head in what some of her flaws would be, but hopefully.

I'm glad you enjoyed the bit about Peter. I definitely do not want to make him some worthless character, because obviously he was a part of the Marauders and so he can't really be ignored. We'll get more on all of them later in the story, but I did feel like Peter had been too marginalized thus far.

I'll get a new chapter up ASAP.


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Review #10, by Court Sunset

16th March 2014:
Well, Lily came off pretty annoying in this chapter. Hopefully she'll learn not to take things so seriously and not to judge people too much. I'm glad that James is comfortable enough to treat her as a friend and am looking forward to how things will progress. And I liked Peter's prank and am glad he felt good about himself. Can't wait for more.

Author's Response: Hello again! Thanks for stopping to leave another review!

Hopefully Lily was just annoying in the sense that she has some growing to do to - that's what I was going for here. We have heard about some of James's flaws and seen how he overcomes them, but I think realistically, Lily would've had some flaws too that would need adjustment. For me, one of those would be that while she is a very kind person, and would take a long time to make a negative judgment on someone, once she does she's hard to persuade otherwise.

I'm glad you liked Peter's prank! It's crazy how difficult it is to work up a good idea for a new prank, let alone one that is a one-man job.

Thanks again! Will update again ASAP.


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Review #11, by zipzin Sunset

16th March 2014:
Found this story recently and I really like your take on the Marauders! Excited for the sixth year to wrap up and see where you take it next. Nice work so far!

Author's Response: Glad you're enjoying the story! Thanks for stopping to leave a review!

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Review #12, by Maelody An Unexpected Partnership

15th March 2014:
Hey there! So my guess is this is Snape and his crew! First years eh? He's still just a little cowardly then! ;) though it was nice to see, mere hours after being bested by him, that Lily could work with James like that. I don't see her letting this down though. She has to tell someone about this encounter! She's a Prefect! ;)

The duel in itself was very interesting. You make it so intense to catch up and see exactly what is happening, and it makes me wonder what the turnout will be. And I just love that James wins! His reaction was perfect, seeing as how Lily needs to see how she treats him sometimes. Though their resolve was natural and I really liked it! :)

I was wondering if anyone had heard of the attack on the family yet. I'm assuming that's what the dueling teacher meant by reading the papers. They lost a Hufflepuff student didn't they? I feel like someone should mention this just to show how the school cares. :)

The teacher was great, though, very Italian ;). Osario does worry me though. Only because you mentioned a black beard in the attackers earlier, and Osario has black hair and seems older. I may be letting my imagination run wild, but I'm gathering theories now! :D that's great! :)

This story has just grown into something phenomenal. I love Lily and James stories, and in all reality. I think our head cannons are pretty similar. It makes me want to write one so badly, but I'm just happy to see your story here exists! :) and you're doing so well with it! I love it, and I just can't wait to be all caught up! It's getting exciting and more action packed! Now I'll actually have to wait for updates here soon! XD

Either way, I love this chapter, and this story, and I can't wait to continue in this journey with you and your characters! :) great job so far, and I hope I catch up soon! :)

~Mae

Author's Response: This was definitely another chapter I sweated because of the dueling/fighting. I feel like there are so many concerns in scenes like that from believability, to pace, to tone...and still reaching a satisfactory resolution, so I'm really encouraged that you thought those parts went well.

I'm happy too that you liked Osorio. It was nice to be able to imagine a different DADA professor (sincerest thanks Tom Riddle). He will reappear in the fic, even after leaving Hogwarts (per said curse), but I won't give anything away about how since your wheels are turning...

Thank you so much for the kind praise. This being the first story I've had the guts to ever post, and on an archive with such quality stories, it's really great to know that someone is enjoying reading it as much as I'm enjoying writing it!


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Review #13, by Maelody Three Months

15th March 2014:
I don't know why I have wondered more about it before, but what exactly is it that James gets a fizzled about? Did he and a girl do something and now he's sort of a dating heartthrob and yet laughing stock? He's not proud of it, whatever it is. I feel bad for him!

Aaaah, the first little spat haha ;). I like how natural it came out, and how Katie sort of won out in the end. Though I'm sort of with James here. It must be irritating to be trying to keep a relationship going, and everyone is believing he can't do it and questioning him. Poor guy. Maybe, just maybe, Katie was being a little selfish there in not wanting her to get upset with her. Or maybe that's what we girls do? Get out of trouble xD.

Ooh, more Lily and James interaction next chapter? I can't wait! Though now I worry about the three month thing xD. Though we all know it won't work out with Katie, I just hope everything comes to an understanding. I rather like Katie (as you know) and I love the Lily/James relationship as a whole! :)

I have one chapter left for my blackout challenge, and just a couple more to catch up! (Which I will. And I will continue on with it afterward). :) great job so far! Moving onwards!

~Mae

Author's Response: What I've tried to hint at is that James has a reputation for treating relationships casually and selfishly. In the past he's never had one last more than three months. We will learn later in the story exactly what irritates James about this reputation, which has come up gently before with Remus and more directly here with Sirius and Katie.

Realistically, it will probably come up post-James/Katie. After all, I can't go resolving everything about James during their relationship right?

I'm psyched you plan on keeping reading even after the challenge is over, both because you are enjoying the story so much and because your feedback has been both awesome and encouraging! Thanks again!


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Review #14, by Maelody New Year's Eve

15th March 2014:
Hey! So I'm not sure if I've mentioned this or not yet, but you have a real talent for dialogue. Nothing seems faked, and there are plenty of awkward moments, and I really feel like the characters don't always know what they're going to say before they say anything. Which is great because it brings a real was to the whole thing! :D

This, after that last chapter, was one big ball of super awesome! It was cute, and it gave us more of a look at Petunia (and her awful jealousy). And, of course, Lionel being there was a treat. Absolutely adorable, too. His inner thoughts and worries about how to approach a relationship with Lily made me smile. This whole chapter just felt very natural and I liked it very much. I can't wait for the two of them to return to Hogwarts and decide on their relationship! ;)

I'm so close to catching up! I can't wait to see where you've left off and what you have to come! :D more adorable dates and Lily humor I hope! ;)

~Mae

Author's Response: Thanks for the compliment on the dialogue! Over time, I feel like it's become one of my strengths (whereas detailed description is one of my 'needs improvement' areas, in my opinion), so it's nice to get reinforcement that I'm not completely lacking self-awareness.

I'm interested to see what you think of how Lily/Lionel develops based on what you thought of this chapter. We'll get a lot more on it very soon.


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Review #15, by Maelody Winter's Chill

15th March 2014:
Wow! Ok, so at first I thought that the trio was Snape and his goons, maybe making a way to do Muggle vandalizing. I'm so glad it wasn't because that was awful! That poor family! The children! Just awful! :(

However, representing what this time was about, you did an excellent job. These are the types of attacks that made Lily and James want to fight in the first place, and what pulled them together in the end. That's just me though ;).

This was so dark and scary. It truly made me sad to think about the family, but it was wonderfully written. The pace of the story and plot are picking up a little here, and I'm excited to see where you go with it! :)

~Mae

Author's Response: I'm glad you felt the intensity of the scene. It was definitely meant to be a short, sobering one that marks the entrance into the story of the darkness in the outside world. While it won't be immediate it will continue to have an escalating impact on the story, including some huge moments in the future.

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Review #16, by Maelody Family Fireworks

15th March 2014:
Aww! I was a little disappointed with how Lily viewed her sister on wanting to be a house wife, because only two chapters ago you expressed how her own mother was a house wife, but the rest of it was sweet. :) Lionel finally got a hold of her and her response made me smile.

Poor Sirius! His dad is awful! Though it's cool to see what the moment was that made him run away from home to James'. I like that James also said his parents would take him in with no questions asked to them haha. Of course they'll say yes! ;) best mates for life there! :D

I think there is more to Katie's dad being jealous of the Potter family, and not just upset about her grades. Though I liked how loving and joking they were before she brought up James. They remind me of my own family. :)

I like the transitions between POVS in this chapter. They run smoothly, and it definitely allows for us to see more of the setup for everyone else. This was delivered very well and I can't wait to see what happens at Christmas!

~Mae

Author's Response: Yikes! My intent was definitely not to slam Petunia for wanting to be a house wife. I think Lily absolutely respects the life her mother chose and women who choose to stay at home. My intent was more to show that that isn't a life Lily sees for herself and how angry she is with her sister for suggesting to Vernon that it is. Perhaps I need to take a look at that bit again in the future and re-work it.

We'll get some more of the Wallenby/Potter family dynamic in the future. Suffice it to say Katie's dad really does care about her grades BUT you're not totally off the mark.

I'm also relieved to hear you comment about the POVs. Sometimes I feel like I switch too often (as a writer, it feels a little like cheating on occasion). But I do try to do it smoothly and for good reason, so I'm glad you felt it worked well in this case.


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Review #17, by Maelody Progress

15th March 2014:
I like that you didn't add the prank, actually. With going back and just describing it, I think it saves from repetitive reading with different dialogue. It saves time for you and the reader ;).

I'm so happy Katie didn't get upset with the boys for coming up with a prank. I was going to be upset with her if she did. I like that James is with someone who likes being with him for what he already does, and doesn't want to change him. It makes me really think about how much he's trying to change (I know part of it is for himself) and how that's what makes Lily start liking James. You're making me sort of regret liking Lily/James! XD it's not a bad thing though, so don't worry! :P

Sirius as Bad Santa eh? I like the idea of it ;). And by the detentions, I expect it went exactly as planned haha. :)

~Mae

Author's Response: Hah! Don't regret liking James and Lily! While I am trying to keep James/Katie believable still, I'm also making a conscious effort to take it in a certain direction where hopefully people really like Katie and the James/Katie relationship. Like I've said, I have a particular endgame in mind for that pair and have for a LONG time, so I'm hoping that creating that feeling and the right dynamic will amplify the impact of that. We'll see...

As for Sirius...who else would be Bad Santa, right?


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Review #18, by Maelody Special Appointment

15th March 2014:
I knew Lionel would be the one to ask her! That was super cute, the way he did it, too. He sounds pretty mature though, physical wise. Chiseled look and all? No wonder he's one of the hottest wizards of the school? ;)

Lily gives me that vibe in this chapter that she's not technically as sweet as everyone makes her out to be, but that she feels more inclined to think about what people want to hear as opposed to what she wants to say. Like how she blurted out "That's Potter for you," was obviously what she wanted to say, but because everyone was hurt by it, she felt bad. It makes Lily seem more like a pleaser rather than an independently nice girl. I hope that makes sense? Though I do like her! :) She agreed to the date, and she yet again noticed a subtle change in James. That's always a plus ;).

I wonder what Katie thinks of Lily at this point. Is she seeing (even if in her own mind) Lily ride the jealousy train, too? Especially after James picked on her for so long? I wouldn't doubt it haha. :) Though Lily's friends are spectacular! You do a good job at making them universal friends to characters rather than friends to just Lily. And they know her well enough to excuse her behavior when she's ignoring the conversation. I liked this chapter! It was very girl-tastic haha. :)

~Mae

Author's Response: What you said about Lily in that scene definitely makes sense. I am hoping it will shine through more later, but I'm kind of trying something different with Lily, where I think she is generally an independently kind person who takes a long time to make a judgment on someone. However, once she does reach a judgment, I feel like she is pretty resolute and stubborn and it would take A LOT to change it. Not sure it's exactly a flaw, but maybe a self-inflicted blind spot. I think this would definitely apply to James and so prevent her from coming to any conclusion quickly about how he's changed.

I'm glad you liked Lily's friends. They've actually gone absent for a bit, but they will be back soon because I think they're going to prove important. I am also trying to make them not be the "yes girls" who lurk in Lily's shadow or the "wink-nudge girls" who just exist to give Lily a final push toward James.

As for Katie and Lily, like I mentioned before, they are supposed to not really know one another deeply. They will have some moments together before the end of the year though where we'll see more of their perspective on one another, so look for that.

As a male author, I'm also kind of oddly relishing the "girl-tastic" comment. I was nervous about this chapter because I had to capture something that (no intent to stereotype), but I don't have much experience with in my own life, so I'm glad it came off.


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Review #19, by Maelody The Prince's Plot

15th March 2014:
I like this revenge driven state. I'm more on the side that I think Snape would see James is done pursuing Lily now and that he would be trying to make it up to her. This is nice though. It gets straight to what Snape thought he was going to be when he was young. He was a teen meddling with dark magic. He hated/s Muggles, and that was a major part of his young life people seem to forget.

The perfect place, huh? I'm thinking Hogsmeade somewhere? Since everyone can be in a lot of different places? At first I thought about the Shrieking Shack, but I think that was only a thing Sirius did to Snape. Though it'd be cool to see those two things work together! :D especially since we all know Snape will eventually feel the need to owe James ;).

Pretty short chapter, but enjoyable nonetheless. You captured Snape very well, which is not an easy feat.

Great job! Moving on!

~Mae

Author's Response: Phew! I'm relieved you thought I wrote Snape well. I was definitely nervous writing him as he's such an important character to the series and also a divisive one about whom we have selective past chunks to go on. Admittedly, the difficulty of writing Snape probably contributed in a big way to this chapter being short.

I kind of figured that Snape would basically still be infuriated at everything that happened at this point, and that he would be throwing himself into dark stuff like people often throw themselves into their hobbies when they are hurting.

You raise an interesting point about him trying to make it up to her. At this point I thought perhaps it's still too raw given the depth of his emotions and Lily's dismissal of his attempts throughout summer, but I think at some point you're right, Snape has to try and win back Lily's friendship. I have some ideas about a chapter surrounding that, but nothing firm yet on when to introduce it or how I'm going to write it.


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Review #20, by Maelody The Price of Popularity

15th March 2014:
Hey there! Back up and running again. I should be caught up by today, too! :D

Those nasty Hufflepuff girls! I mean, good on them for having a personality other than bumbling little girls who don't fit in any other Houses, but they're quite nasty! Especially Rebecca! To be glad Katie heard her? Well, if Katie were to talk, and spill names, Rebecca would have ruined Courtney's chances of James even being nice to her! I hope something turns around to bite these girls on the butt! I hate nasty girls like that.

I like how they spend so much time together. It reminds me of fresh, brand new relationships. Boy and girl can't get over how much they like each other, every other five minutes is spent with kisses, holding hands, and touching the other in some way. In free time at all is spent with the other. It's very new relationship esque ;). I like the believability in this point. You do a really good job with this throughout the entire story: believability. They're so sweet together, though!

I hope James finds out who those girls are, or maybe he'll do it to all of Hogwarts, but I hope he gets them all in a good prank! ;) which reminds me, was that night a moon night, or was he really wanting to scheme out a plan? ;) just curious! Though I'm pretty sure it was a moon night.

Alright! I am moving on now! I'm so enamored by this story! I can't wait to catch up! :)

~Mae

Author's Response: I am glad you are still enjoying it so much! It was great for me to return home from a busy day to see that you took so much time to read and review even more chapters! You are awesome!

As far as the believability aspect, that's one of the biggest things I've been trying to strive for with this story. I mean, obviously I try to do it in all my stories, but you know what I mean. So it's great that you think it is!

I have actually been trying to find the right moment for some of the issues in this chapter to resurface. I'm not sure (sorry!) that the girls will necessarily crop up in that, but I haven't planned it out at this point, so it's possible.

As for the moon...suspicion confirmed. It was definitely a moon night.

Thanks again for reading and your thoughtful reviews!


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Review #21, by Maelody One Day in November

15th March 2014:
As a musician myself, I find it highly attractive that James knows how to play the Violin! You don't see music being much of a part here in the Wizarding world, but it's so cool and exciting to see you've added this tidbit of information. I do hope that you can find ways to brig it back in here and there, though. I'd hate for it to be one of those random "one time only" deals where he only used it to impress her. Then him being so good wouldn't make sense ;). The instrument you made up sounded cool, too! :) I wish you would have mentioned a certain way a time sounded, or had Katie recognize a song once or twice. It would really help set the mood he was giving her here. I'm imaging lots of Shubert though ;).

I'm thinking that now that we're in chapter twelve here (or am I in 11?) we know your character's names. :) I think the constant reminder of last names makes me feel like I don't know who I'm supposed to be reading about, but I do because you've introduced them before. :)

So I'm assuming the date is what James put in his note for Katie? That's sweet, though there was definitely another total boy moment when it came to enjoying her date look ;). Which is great though! It makes him totally relatable on that scene, which is cool! :)

I like Katie. I really do. I miss seeing Lily around, but nothing happens overnight right? I'm still looking forward to how you plan on putting them together and what you consider cannon excited me because we seem to be pretty similar! :) I'm excited to move on and continue reviewing! :) I'm having loads of fun with your story!

~Mae

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked the musical touch! I have definitely been thinking of ways to revisit it later in the story because I don't want it to come off as a one-time deal, but the struggle has been that he was kind of supposed to be sharing a "secret talent" that with Katie that he doesn't show off with and that maybe only his family and the Marauders would know about. As for the tunes, I wish I could say that I was a cultured aficionado of music involving violins, but sadly I am not. I'll have to find some information out if I work it back in though, so thanks for the suggestion!

Ahh, the last name thing. I will think about this going forward. It's something of a struggle for me because I actually do this in real life and it bleeds through in my writing. I just find that I often like how first names and last names flow together rather than alone sometimes, spoken and written, but perhaps I will need to find a way to resist the urge...

Glad you're enjoying the story and thanks so much for the thoughtful reviews!


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Review #22, by Maelody Aftermath

15th March 2014:
Oooh, so Katie is turning into a serious thing! That's good. I was really worried he might end up using her (knowingly or unknowingly). I was right though! Remus totally caught on last chapter! He is, after all, James' "smart" friend ;).

I may be wrong with this, but I don't think McGonagall is teaching in this period. In the fifth book, I think she says something about only being a professor at Hogwarts for 18 years. That's barely older than Harry at that time. I mean, unless she's brand new to them, in which I don't quite see her being the Head of House yet, but I think she would have come right after the marauder era characters we know would have graduated. :) it was super cool to see her give a rare smile at their pranks though! She is pretty awesome, even if others don't see it ;).

I'm glad you kept the Remus confrontation in, by the way. I feel like it's pretty crucial to moving this along, and helping point out the direction this is really going. :)

I really wanna know what he wrote to Katie now! Lily's note was sweet, but not overly adorable, which I like. You're writing him as someone who's not only changing for others, but himself, and that shows. If Lily notices along the way, then kudos for her, right? Haha :)

This was a sweet chapter, and I can't wait to read the next one! Great job so far!

~Mae

Author's Response: Indeed! Katie is most definitely turning into a serious thing, as you'll see as the story develops. My biggest challenge with it right now is keeping things feeling authentic while still playing out the endgame I have had in mind for it since pretty much page 1. I'm interested to see how you think it plays out overall in the end.

As for McGonagall, I honestly did not remember anything about the timing in canon, so I just went with the Wiki, which says she started teaching in 1956 (which surprised me because she was really young then). As for being Head of House, you may have a fair point there. The Wiki just said "before 1991" but I figured that she could conceivably be Head of House after 20 years in the job unless there was still a more tenured Gryffindor professor, which I honestly don't know.

For Remus, he and Peter have been a bit of a challenge going forward (Sirius too in some respects) because I've felt like I've lost the group at times and certainly Sirius more than I should. For Remus, my struggle is that I do often use him as a kind of sounding board for James and Lily on one another, but I'm trying to figure out a good way to make that not his only major role. I'm interested to see how you think that plays out as well.


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Review #23, by Maelody Celebration

15th March 2014:
Hey! Back! Sorry it too a bit, I had a super long work day and some severe Once Upon A Time catching up to do (I hope I didn't give you Gryffies too much leverage ;)).

So this installment was sweet. I think that Remus may have realized what James was truly up to there in the end, but I like how he seems to be handling it thus far :). And the mutual friendship really helps tie the POVS together to help making the switches make sense.

So I really like Katie. She seems so confident, and fun, and spirited, and like the perfect girl for James if only she were Lily. Of course she's not, and he'll have to see that at some point, but I like where you're going with her. I think she definitely likes him, and this is the year she's going to make herself known to him. I like that! And her snitch confetti trick was pretty cool ;).

The corner dispute was pretty hilarious, considering the dialema Lily was having before having a conversation there. Since he listened to her, therefore making it the first time she's realized he's changed this year, I think he might be in luck, though Katie is in the picture now. You're gonna have a hard task in the end, yeah? ;)

I liked this chapter. The flask bit was sweet, and it helped show the cleverness of the marauders as they thought the party out in such a short amount if time (boy, how rumors fly!) ;).

Great job and I plan on reading more! :)

~Mae

Author's Response: Hello again! I had a crazy day myself!

I'm glad you like Katie. There is definitely a lot more of her throughout the story so you'll get to see more about her as time goes on.

It's good to know you liked the dispute and the flask scene too. When I was writing it I wasn't sure how it came off, since it was the first interaction between James and Lily in the story since the post-Potions incident. I tried to make it light so that it wasn't a "too much change too soon" thing, so hopefully that worked.

Thanks for taking the time to come back after what sounds like a very busy day!


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Review #24, by Maelody Just a Game

14th March 2014:
Wow! What a game! Seriously! I've never read a match where I didn't already predict the outcome! I was seriously worried Ravenclaw were going to win that one! That'd make the boys made for sure, wouldn't it? Haha

So Lily has met Katie for the first time? Seems a bit odd, seeing as how they're in the same House and Year. Wouldn't they share the same dorm? Either way, I love how this shows just how sweet, spunky, and spirited Katie seems as a character. I think I might honestly like her so much later in the story that it'll break my heart to see her left behind so James can love Lily haha. But, sometimes things like that happen. It's sad, but true. :(

That ending was really sweet. :) it reminds me of my pep band days in college! The basketball team just barely lost their biggest game yet, and they cheered for us for being their biggest fans. I might have been the only one who teared up a bit, but it all meant a lot to all of us. I'm with Lily on this one, though. How would James know of that? Or is it just something he did out of the kindness of his heart?

Amazing Quidditch writing! I was so right when I said you'd be amazing at it! I can't wait to read more of this! Maybe there are more Quidditch matches to be held? ;)

Moving on!

~Mae

Author's Response: Very glad you liked the game! I really sweated writing it because I wanted to do the match justice. I had a million different thoughts about how it ended up - were the commentators remarks too lengthy, did I get the pace of the game right, on and on, so it's exciting you thought it went well. As for the end, the reason James knows will eventually come to light WAY down the line. And there are DEFINITELY at least two more Quidditch matches to come, though I'm not sure about more than that.

Re: Lily and Katie, I think I needed to phrase it better. The idea I was trying to get across is that while they've had interactions before, they've never really gotten to know each other in-depth. It was supposed to be kind of a tongue-in-cheek deal, the handshake and comment, but I think without more it did come off like they had literally never met, which I agree would be nuts.

I find myself walking a delicate line with Katie later in the story too. The point is definitely for readers to like her a lot and to like what you'll hopefully find to be a realistic relationship between her and James, which will ideally make the end I have in mind that much more effective. You'll have to be the judge of that...

Thank you again, a thousand times for taking the time to read through so much of a WIP and review each chapter! I know a lot of people don't even look at long WIPs until they get completed in the fear they won't get finished, so it's awesome that you did and I'm glad you're enjoying it. You can also feel free to cite this review response in later days as my official promise that this fic WILL be finished - so keep reading if you like it!


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Review #25, by Maelody Differing Opinions

14th March 2014:
I always appreciate delving further into Marauder traits, but I'm not sure if I'm a big fan of James thinking Peter belongs in Hufflepuff. I've always imagined him to be more loyal than that, and I don't see any of them being Peter's friend out of pity, so I'd love to see him shine as a character more to himself here. I like that he feels like he might have to choose between friends, and that he might not have all the best ideas, but if he's weak enough to have his friends thinking the same thing, then I think he's just a little off the cannon mark that he was intended to have. Either that, or I have too much love for young, untainted Peter haha ;).

Otherwise, I love the ideas xD. Won't everyone be surprised? Notes and a good Hogwarts cleaning? Sirius' attitude made it all the better. From "what's brilliant about bubbles and happiness?" To the suggestion of a little fun with two ladies ;). All very boy like, and all very humorous! :D

I really love the direction this story is headed. I mean, obviously to the whole Lily and James thing, but how it gets there is half the fun! To see that they actually haven't had that many encounters yet makes it all the better! It shows that a lot more than constant bickering and seeing each other happened than what the books lead on. :)

Going on now! :D

~Mae

Author's Response: Ahh that scene! My portrayal of Peter in this one was not one I was particularly happy with looking back, especially the Hufflepuff comment. Peter will be given page time in this story (more so later on) and I'm planning on walking that back a bit, but I still may come back and edit this scene later because I agree that part of it was just...ehh.

You are also my first reviewer who has appreciated what I was trying to do with the limited interactions! Like I alluded to in an earlier response, I think I may have drawn this on a bit long even in my own opinion as the story continues, but it's been a delicate tightrope of showing all the other important happenings in their relationships, at Hogwarts, and in the outside world - AND still having enough James and Lily interaction to make the eventual endgame believable. I keep telling myself that choice is going to pan out and hopefully it will...


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