Reading Reviews for Evolution
  
115 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TheBigA Sixth Year Slump

31st August 2014:
A fully Jily devoted chapter, a so called "black sheep", but rare as they are so far, they are always the most breath taking, nail biting, and hair tearing chapters, knowing underneath all the fascinating characters and thorough details, there is a countdown to Jily, and no matter what it is coming... but when and why is up to YOU, and I can not wait, yet at the same time I can, a.k.a I appreciate the "slow burn" as you call it... Another 10/10.
Keep it up!!!,
-Aaron

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! I worried that James and Lily were a bit TOO talented in their duel, but at the same time, they ended up being one of two couples who were able to thrice defy Voldemort, so I figured they'd find ways to be pretty good, even in school.

As far as James/Lily, there will be plenty more interaction between them starting with the chapter I'm writing at the moment. It won't be some sudden deluge, and circumstances force it to an extent at first, but we're entering "their time" in the story so get ready and get excited!

Thanks for your support and kind reviews!


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Review #2, by RupertsPheonix The Special Visitor

30th August 2014:
Hi, there! For some reason, HPFF isn't letting me log in on my phone. So I'm leaving a review as a guest... I'm sorry.

I think this is a strong chapter. Dumbledore was pretty close to spot on--you had his word choice and speech pattern down pretty well throughout. The only bit that I thought was a little off was when you described his face as souring; I think Dumbledore probably has a little more control over his expressions, from what JKR gives us in the series. Maybe a more appropriate expression would be a raising or furrowing of the eyebrows, whereby Lily could sense his disappointment with her reaction. Just my two cents. You definitely have him down really well overall though, which is a HUGE feat, so well done!

I love James' reaction to Dumbledore. And oh my word do I feel bad for him as he sits in the aftermath of Katie leaving and her letter!

Thanks for a great chapter,
Kate/RP

Author's Response: Hello again!

Thanks so much for the feedback, especially about Dumbledore as I was definitely worried about him. You raise a very good point about the souring - he was certainly quite talented at maintaining a neutral expression and indeed concealing his true feelings or intentions and this probably would have been similar. I diverged a bit because I wasn't sure he would so actively try and conceal his disappointment here, but you may very well be right. Something to think about going forward. I'm glad you thought I did him justice though, especially with the speech!

As for James, yes, he's having a rough go of it at the moment. I won't say that's going to evaporate overnight, but I don't think he'll wallow in it for TOO long.

Thanks for the feedback! It is MUCH appreciated!


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Review #3, by HarryGinnyLove88 Reunions

27th August 2014:
just one question more,
do you finish this story til lily and james
death, or earlier?

Author's Response: Undecided ;)

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Review #4, by TheBigA Three Funerals

27th August 2014:
Ah how could I forget the speech!! It exemplifies your ability to take what you know in real life and mesh it with the Wizarding world. I thought it paralleled a Funeral of someone half Christian and half Jewish, both have different funeral rites and the speech mirrored the division between Muggle and Wizard, Making references to him being a Hufflepuff in the speech. I liked the details you put in such as the muggle side carrying the coffin but the wizards levitating it . Great job on this chapter again I appreciate you getting back to me so fast on my reviews.
Thanks a bunch,
-Aaron

Author's Response: Thanks for responding to my question! I'm glad you thought it meshed well - I was definitely going for an interesting and believable fusion, so that's encouraging to hear!

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Review #5, by TheBigA Growing Pains

27th August 2014:
A very Sirius chapter indeed!!! That seems impossible, so much development in one chapter. It's wonderful that we finally get to know some of Katie's friends and Renee seems like an actual match for Sirius, especially with the stubbornness and I loved how she was able to trick Sirius Into going on a second date with her. Your work with detailing events has really come far, and that's saying something since you were good at it when I started reading Evolution.
Thank you,
-Aaron
P.S. I love how you put time into coming up with witty chapter names it always makes me chuckle.

Author's Response: Ahh the Sirius puns. Classic. What I think will prove interesting about this bit with Renee is that it will actually end up being more about Sirius than it is her. I'm toying with continuing to sprinkle Katie's friends throughout the story (I know they'll make at least a few more larger appearances, but haven't decided beyond that).

Thanks for the positive feedback on the level of detail! I've really been working on that and hopefully you'll find it continues.

You are also the first person to appreciate the effort I've put into the chapter titles! I get a little nutty about titles (both for my stories and chapters) and so it's cool that you like them because I think about them a lot (probably too much).


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Review #6, by HarryGinnyLove88 The Special Visitor

26th August 2014:
finally, you took too long :D
hope another is soon...

can you tell, will Katie come back or not...
I know that you way not want to say, but I really wanna know..
I can help, I`m so curios.. it`s runs in the family :)

if you can, write a private message, so the others may not see, although they maybe want to.

Author's Response: Sorry for the delay. Part of it is working on some other, shorter projects, part of it is outside obligations, and a smaller part is the queue. Know that I'm updating as quickly as I can while balancing all that with keeping up the quality. Believe me, I want to keep updating as much as you want to keep seeing them!

As for that, I have spoiled it in another review response, so I don't mind doing it for you too. Especially as I don't want it to be this lingering question. Katie's gone. James will obviously think about her at times, but she's not coming back as a physical character in the story.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #7, by TheBigA Three Funerals

26th August 2014:
Ah! Okay I think I'm done...Ah! OKAY finally...wow it felt good to do that. Such an exciting chapter! My roommate woke up to me gasping/screaming/sobbing at 1:30 in the morning, sorry Liam if you're reading this... Anyway the 2nd funeral was obviously the most painful for me, the ship of Lionel/Lily finally sank after many punctures in her hull. This was half expected simply because the summer was coming. I had a hunch that Lion/Lily was doomed even with the lake scene as a diversion. The dialogue was interesting and well paced, one of the most memorable scenes so far. Lily brought up some excellent points in her speech and I applaud you in bringing your best work to the table.

The other two funerals were intriguing, although shadowed by a previously mentioned scene. The first one was a way of explaining how they worked, and we will probably have a lot more funerals to come. The last but certainly not least funeral was a very sinister reminder of what's out there. The victim was, I'm assuming a reporter for the Daily Prophet and had written about the Dark Lord. It was intense, and I felt vaguely reminded of Bellatrix Lestrange when the death eaters were closing in on the man.

A truly enticing chapter
Cheers,
-Aaron

Author's Response: Glad you liked it (sorry Liam)! Ahh, the ending of Lily/Lionel. I wondered what you'd think of it. I've found not a lot of people really cared too much about it, but a few thought that Lily was too focused on the physical, which I tried to play as more of a symptom of the larger issue (and tried to underscore in this break-up conversation). I'm glad you thought it went well though!

Yes! The first, I definitely wanted to explore the darkening world before breaking it up a bit with the end of Lily/Lionel and then making it super-real with an actual killing. I hope you thought the half-blood funeral made sense. What did you think of the speech? And you're right about both the victim and the killer as it turns out. Well done!

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #8, by TheBigA Security

26th August 2014:
Wow what a step! Every relationship has it's first "I love you" and "I love you too" and this whole chapter was leading up to that delightful surprise. This chapter felt cozy like being near a fire simply because of its atmosphere. The dialogue, and the attention to detail were my favorite parts, such as Katie taking off James' glasses for him.

My stomach always does somersaults when Katie starts a sentence with the words we need to talk, although it never leads to a break up, it means an awkward conversation is approaching. It all worked out though and I was pleased by James not hesitating to say I love you too back to her.

All in all, another 10/10 piece of work.
-Aaron

Author's Response: I'm really glad you enjoyed the James/Katie "I love you" scene. One of the things I knew for sure about their relationship is that I wanted James to fall in love with Katie. Given his history (only alluded to so far - and it's not as bad as it sounds), I thought it was important that he feel love before his relationship with Lily so that he would know that it's the genuine article when it arrives with her. You'll also see another reason that it's important plot-wise that James fell in love with Katie in later chapters.

Thanks for the feedback!


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Review #9, by RaeOfSunshine9  The Special Visitor

25th August 2014:
I absolutely love it! I've never read a James/Lily story where Dumbledore personally comes to deliver the Heads' badges. It is nice for a change and I'm glad you wrote it. I look forward to the next chapter soon!

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it! Hopefully I got Dumbledore right, but I definitely thought that he wouldn't be about to leave James without an explanation, but especially wouldn't leave Lily to flip out at the revelation come time for the prefects' meeting on the train.

I haven't decided yet if I'm going to write the next chapter of this or finish the first chapter of something else I'm working on next, but my goal is to have the next update at least into the queue in the next two weeks or so.

Thanks so much for reading!


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Review #10, by TheBigA Sunset

25th August 2014:
Oh My Gosh this chapter was too funny! I loved Peter's prank, and it was well chosen for him, not too complicated that he couldn't of done it and not too simple that he seems like a sack of potatoes with eyes. Peter is an interesting character because we get to know the boy before Voldemort's influence and the portrayal is spot on .

The Jily part of the chapter was amazing, I love the personality and especially the dialogue you are able to create between them. I like how you included the bit about lily being better at charms but James having the edge in transfiguration it was a nice nod to detail.
Keep 'em coming!!
-Aaron

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked Peter's prank and his portrayal! You'll definitely get to see more of him as the story progresses, particularly in the second half (which I've just started writing now).

It's great you liked the interaction and characterization of James and Lily. I figured it would be appropriate to confine their interactions to schoolwork still at this point, but I also wanted to inject a little out-of-class exchange here, but in a way that showcased more of one of Lily's flaws (which is magnified in her current dynamic with James). At the point in the story I've reached now, that will come more to the fore between them and lead Lily to start some change of her own.

Glad you're still enjoying it and thanks for the feedback! There should be a new chapter soon.


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Review #11, by pottergirl355 Security

23rd August 2014:
Hi it's me again! I was wanted to say sorry cause I felt like I was being really rude :/ I'm sorry!! You're a really good writer and keep up the good work. I was just a little disappointed at where the story was going, but I understand you want to take it slow since lily and james don't start a relationship till 7th year. Thanks for taking the time to reply! Good luck with everything.

Author's Response: Hello!

Don't worry about it. I put a story out there and you expressed your honest opinion about it. Nobody ever has to apologize to me for that. I appreciate you reading as much as you did and if you decide to read further, I'd love to hear what you think about how James/Lily does end up developing.

Thanks again for reading and reviewing!


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Review #12, by RaeOfSunshine9  One Night in July

23rd August 2014:
Hi! I really love this story, it is probably my favorite I've read so far, and I can't wait to see where it leads! I hope you will continue with it until the end, because I can't wait for the next chapter! I would be very disappointed if it ends here. Thank you so much for writing this story. It seems like your writing encourages me to write my own book, and I thank you for that! Hopefully I will be able to review the next chapter!

Author's Response: Howdy! Thanks for reading along and taking the time to leave a review! I'll definitely be carrying on with the story. In fact, the next chapter is already in the queue and will hopefully be up in the next several days.

I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far, and if you're even thinking about it, definitely take a crack at writing your own stories! It's a great activity and if you like the site here there's an excellent and highly supportive community here for authors! Good luck!


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Review #13, by TheBigA Confrontations

21st August 2014:
Jim dale...I took an 11 hour train ride and listened to an audio book of Harry potter read by Jim F**king Dale and now when I try to read all I can hear is his horrid high pitched impressions of girls and his drawling impressions of boys. Anyway this chapter was fantastic, and though things for Sirius have taken a turn for the worse, my favorite part of the chapter way the way I was rooting for Jim Dale...I mean Lily when she brought up with Lionel what had been on my mind for a while now. She was angry and I immediately felt queasy on the inside when she began her argument by blurting out Is there something wrong with me? I felt like a man who could see the typhoon on the horizon, but at the last second it veers away, and a nice blue sky with a 90% chance of snogging is the forecast for the rest of the day, yet only a 5% chance of
Shagging reported, no one paid attention to it. For now...

Keep up the good work or my father'll hear about this,
-Jim Dale ..., I mean Aaron

Author's Response: Hmm. I've never listened to the series on audio book. But an eleven-hour train ride sounds like an absolute nightmare.

Yes...unfortunately Sirius had some difficulties here. He's not the easiest nut to crack and when it comes to James and Katie...well, he's been remarkably patient I think, given who we're talking about.

With Lily/Lionel...a storm analogy is a good one. Things are certainly not perfect in their world and though I still think the dialogue was too transparent and Lily receded a bit too quickly looking back, I wanted to do a bit more with the relationship before it takes its final bow, so I opted not to kill it off here.

Thanks for sticking with the story and giving me so much feedback!


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Review #14, by TheBigA Three Broom Closets

21st August 2014:
Hmmm...curious...verraayyy Kurious indeeed...I wonder...-Olivander 1991

Broom closet one while being the least emotionally intense of them all, was enjoyable due to team Remus/Peter and their little excursion to the dungeons.

Broom closet two was a surprise as it showed Lily/Lionel getting much more intense with each other, even if Lily still has to do all the leading in their relationship.

Broom closet three was the least surprising of them all as I'd expected nothing less from Potter, rather i found myself expecting more from the young pair, although that is a side-product of my many hours of previous fanfic reading. nonetheless i found James' bid to release Katie from punishment "cute", and Lily's way of dancing around the rule while still not breaking it, reminds me fondly of another muggleborn witch who was also the "brightest young witch of her time"

although slightly inappropriately placed, I felt it to be prudent as to add more thoughts to the end of my chapter review. Most importantly was an issue that has been bothering me for quite a while...after I finish composing each of my chapter reviews, I go and read the other comments and your responses and i found that a main point people bring up is their dissatisfction with the smaller amount of James/Lily interaction. I absolutely adore the pairings you've created so far, as I've voiced before,and it is my understanding that each will reach its end eventually (you've probably got most of that planned out already, and its fine if you dont.) but seeing as obviously Jily will emerge some time, which I selfishly assume will most likely be during the Head Boy/Head Girl confrontations in 7th year, that you should be in absolutely zero hurry to start anything if the end result will become rushed. Every singly f**king Jily fanfiction I've ever read, including famous ones, have ended before a)when they're supposed and b)before when the author says they will see it through to, which makes me absolutely livid...anyway as long as you're dedicated to seeing this through to the end, I do not care what choices in details you make as long as it doesn't go so far out of canon that it becomes AU (and no Snily)then I will stand by what you decide is best as I trust your judgment enough PERIOD END OF SENTENCE... this is getting off track really fast. overall a thoroughly enjoyable chapter, deserving of another 10/10.
Thank you again,
-Aaron

Author's Response: Ahh the broom closets. A little trope-y I know, but I thought it could prove a good contrasting device that let me work in a bit with Snape still being picked on by the Marauders too. You'll hear more about Lily/Lionel in the broom closet later...

As for the latter part, I'm glad you said this. I get where people are coming from, but I felt like I was pretty up front about the fact that James/Lily would take a long time to happen and I tried pretty hard to not make their other relationships cliche or awful. Oh well. Everyone's entitled to their opinion. I definitely don't plan on things going AU - quite the opposite. And I can assure you there will be no Snape/Lily (at least not other than unrequited Snape angst) - YUCK.


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Review #15, by TheBigA An Unexpected Partnership

21st August 2014:
What an interesting chapter! I really enjoy the way you write Jily interaction, whether it be them arguing or working together. I laughed at Lily and James' silent argument, and then again at Lily's awkward apology. I was truly surprised when the firefight broke out. At first I thought maybe Professor Osorio had set the whole thing up to make James and Lily work together, but it turns out it was something much more serious, and was an good end to the chapter.
-Aaron

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed the interaction. This exchange was supposed to be the first sign of one of Lily's flaws actually (since she doesn't really have any in canon, but I imagine she would have in reality, just like anyone else), but I wanted to do a little foreshadowing with the working together and I'm glad you enjoyed their interaction in this chapter. I know it's been limited so far, but I don't think they'd be running out to hang around one another at this point so I'm trying to keep it patient and realistic. Hopefully that will continue as things change.

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Review #16, by Rae One Night in July

20th August 2014:
I love it! Please write more! I know the next chapter will be
awesome!

Author's Response: Hello! I'm glad to hear you're enjoying it! I'm hoping to finish the next chapter tonight! The queue is a bit long, so it may take some time to actually post, but hopefully it will make it by this weekend.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #17, by TheBigA Three Months

19th August 2014:
Another chapter of interesting relationship development, I really enjoyed it. The part about moving all that soil was too funny, along with McGonagall's comment about Gryffindor needing a bit more strength on the Quidditch pitch. You transitioned quite nicely into Sirius's more serious topic and the small firefight that ensued. But the most well written and interesting part of the chapter was definitely the James and Katie scene, in which my heart slowed when they started arguing. for a moment there you had me truly concerned. The Lily/Katie part was enjoyable as always. A sign of being an exceptionally good author is the ability to make people care about a relationship that they know will eventually have to come to an end, and so I applaud you on creating two of these pairs.
Ever yours,
-Aaron
P.S. I cant wait to see what James thinks about Lily/Lionel...

Author's Response: Haha...it's good you enjoyed James and Sirius's detention chore and McGonagall's attitude about it and Quidditch.

I'm glad you care about James/Katie! It seems almost nobody does. They all want it to end...and I get that to an extent because it IS a James/Lily story ultimately, but I think that relationship and the aftermath will be important to making the endgame happen because James will learn a lot both from his relationship with Katie and its end when that's all said and done.

As for James's thoughts on Lily/Lionel, I'll go ahead an be a bit of a spoiler by saying he actually won't have many. What's noteworthy is that James is really focused on his own things and on his relationship with Katie rather than Lily and he's not too bothered with what she's got going on at the moment so you probably won't see much of that.

Thanks again for reading and reviewing though!


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Review #18, by TheBigA New Year's Eve

19th August 2014:
AHHH...Oh My Josh all ten of my toes are curled!! I absolutely loved this chapter, it was short, sweet, and left me feeling cozy, like having hot cocoa near a fire on a cold, winter day. Turns out Lionel is a timid tiger (which is amusing), while Lily is making all the moves in their relationship, GO LILY! If i had a banner right now I would be waving it furiously. Phew it was good to get that out of my system...Anyway, the unexpected encounter of the Lionel kind, and his inability to process muggle carnival games was too funny! The grand finale was perfectly executed and left me thoroughly exhausted...I gotta go take a nap or something.
Thanks a bunch,
-Aaron

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked this chapter! I never got a lot of love for Lily/Lionel and while you obviously know going in that their relationship is ultimately doomed, I thought Lionel being rather timid was actually perfect for Lily for a number of reasons. Some of those haven't been written yet, but one (with shades of a second) will come out in the second half of sixth year and I'm interested to see if you'll agree with how she handles things.

Thanks again for reading and reviewing!


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Review #19, by TheBigA Winter's Chill

18th August 2014:
Oh... dark and heartless, just how I like my murderous villains!! however did you know. But in all "sirius"ness, great job setting up a mysterious opposition, I really like the way you described this devious excursion and the gears in motion behind it, it truly reminds us how dark things are in the wizarding world outside of the main characters and their teenage problems.
-Aaron

Author's Response: That last bit is absolutely what I was going for. These kind of components will probably escalate in the second half of the story (which I'm working on now) as I definitely wanted the story to be touched by, rather than completely insulated from the First Wizarding War growing. I think it's impossible to realistically explore the characters without including that and having them be affected by the escalation somehow.

Thanks for your continued reading and support!


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Review #20, by DivergentHarryTARDISMusic Reunions

18th August 2014:
Hey sorry disregard this review, but the rude comment I mentioned it wasnt the chapter before, I wanted to be sure you understood what I meant.
Sorry again!

Author's Response: Haha no worries! I understood EXACTLY what you were referring to - don't worry ;) I try to look back on it in good humor and with a positive frame of mind

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Review #21, by DivergentHarryTARDISMusic Reunions

18th August 2014:
Hello, I'm back! For some reason it seems like it's been forever since I last read one of your chapters.

Well your chapter was great as always! I love your story, and I wanna thank you for continuing it and staying so committed to your storys' progress.

I also read a comment on the last chapter that was rather rude, but what surprised me was your reaction to it. You were very professional about it, and still stayed positive. I guess what I'm trying to say is congrats!(:
Now on to the deets on your story, as far as dialogue goes your fine. But maybe perhaps to balance it would be to up the description of settings(You gave me that advice once, and it really helped)? Like maybe perhaps in the scene where Sirius is in the shop?

As far as your Grace... I don't think you have anything to worry about. Based on the fictions' I've read I do think she would appeal to him. And I do like your idea of him perhaps liking girls who took pride in what they wore and how they presented themselves, due to his traditional upbringing. And that I think is true to his character.

Again thankyou for your story, this fanfiction is the reason I even decided to post mine. I'm glad to see you don't let the more negative comments stick. And like I've mentioned before I like your idea of the slow burning in the development in the Jily relationship. Although I too would like to see more of it, it's worth the wait.
Thanks for Updating!

Author's Response: Hello again!

Well you're very kind to mention that. That's the first review like that I've really ever gotten, but I think whatever reviews I get, my maxim is that I want to engage with the reader if possible. As far as writing goes, people will always have their opinions and they're entitled to them I think. Some of the criticism did have merit as well, even though it wasn't put the nicest way.

Ahh description. This has historically been one of my weak points actually. I've always hated that I'm not terribly adept at bringing many settings to life like some authors can and it's something I'm trying to work on. I appreciate you pointing it out here.

I'm glad you like Grace! I haven't quite worked out how much we'll get to see of her, but I have a really clear idea of her and a big reason that she fits with Sirius beyond his physical appreciation of her. I hope she blossoms into something special over the remainder of the story.

Wow! Well, that makes me feel incredibly good! I'm glad to hear that, but I'm even more glad you're posting your stories! Posting here has brought me a lot of great feelings and friendships and positivity, even though when I started writing Evolution, I wasn't in such a great place. It's also been incredible to see all the talented people here and be a part of it. I keep owing so many reviews to people that I don't get a lot of chance to drop in on stories anymore, but I'll try to check out one of yours again soon.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #22, by TheBigA Family Fireworks

18th August 2014:
The most interesting point about this chapter is the way each character (James/Lily/Sirius/Katie) act much differently around their parents then when they are in school.

Lily part of the chapter surprised me immensely compared to other stories. Lily was well behaved and courteous even around Vernon, and Vernon is like wise about Lily. This leads me to believe that Vernon has not been told about Lily's "secret" and this is one of their earlier encounters.

Katie's situation was one of the other surprising moments in the chapter simply because Katie's laid back nature in school does not parallel her father's strictness.

Sirius was the last moment I found compelling. Even though I knew that eventually, Sirius would be evicted from his home, you wrote it in a manner that was thought provoking, and I especially liked the detail about Sirius leaving up his Gryffindor banners in his room.

Keep up the great work,
-Aaron

Author's Response: You're absolutely right this is an early encounter between Lily and Vernon. It's also a SUPERVISED encounter between Lily and Vernon in the sense that Lily and Petunia's parents are there. I think that probably leads Lily to be more polite to Vernon than she normally would be, and because she still loves her sister despite her behavior, she doesn't want to upset the apple cart so to speak.

With Katie, I tried to give her father a reason to be strict based on her past behavior, but I think he was also stricter than usual because it's James involved. I couldn't fathom that other magical parents wouldn't be aware of James's reputation at school so I wanted to introduce that a bit here too.

With Sirius, I originally conceived of the scene as a bit more explosive actually, but unfortunately that didn't fit the site's ToS. I'm glad you thought it still worked though and made an impact.

Thanks again for reading and reviewing!


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Review #23, by HarryGinnyLove88 One Night in July

17th August 2014:
well, create story..
cant wait another chapter...

but this letter, Katie did not broke up technically with james, or did she??

Author's Response: Howdy! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

I'm working on the next chapter now and hopefully will be able to get it up by the end of the week.

As far as the letter, you are the second person to mention this, so perhaps I'll end up having to go back and edit it in some way. Katie was basically writing that letter very hurriedly. It wasn't her most thoughtful moment and she didn't get a chance to say everything perfectly. She doesn't WANT the relationship to end with James and so she doesn't write definitively - she's hopeful. But as far as the story goes, the relationship is over. Katie's gone.


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Review #24, by Rumpelstiltskin Ain't No Sunshine

16th August 2014:
I still owe you reviews on this, so I'll push the ones I owe you to the next chapter (2,3,4 instead of 1,2,3) ;).

Plot/plot arch: Obviously, with this being an introduction, there isn't a large plot arch to explore yet (as anyone could expect in an introduction). However, the way the story (the plot line, so far) is currently flowing really stands out to me. I love the idea of backtracking via reminiscing, as it provides the air of past and present, and how the past is affecting the present. As I previously stated, the method in which you took (displaying the memories through James' memories, so that there can be breaks in the past to progress the present) makes this introduction flow phenomenally. Also, I do enjoy the cannon and speculated cannon of Marauder's-era events.

Characterization: James -- His voice shines through the narrative fantastically, and he's every bit as James-Potter-like as I could have hoped for. His love for Quiddich, extreme distaste for Snape, and a piqued interest in Lily Evans are spot on. One of the things that really strikes me is the fact that James hadn't been forever and ever in love with Lily, and really isn't at the present point of the story. I like this idea of a newly blossoming interest in Lily, and the real reason behind James constantly asking her out (just a funny bit of teasing).

Detail: There could be some additional details of physical surroundings, but really it's not overly relevant to the story. As far as non-physical descriptions, however, you're doing great.

Style: I really love the way you set up the introduction, where the readers are gently dropped off into a story that makes me feel like I should already know what's going on (which is one of my favorite ways to read an introduction). It establishes a closeness to the characters and plot, which can take chapter after chapter to develop in some cases. I, personally, enjoy the feeling of being close to characters from the get-go.

Notes/other: This was definitely fun, and I really appreciate a fresh perspective of the James/Lily ship (because, from what I can gather, this isn't going to be the same old Jily story) :D. I'm definitely interested to read more!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: First off, thanks for the swap! I remember your wonderfully detailed reviews from Calculus and it was awesome you left one on this too! This is (obviously) the story I've been working on longest since joining and the first fiction I'd written in nearly five years at this point so I'm always really interested to know what people think of the beginning in particular as I was sort of finding my groove again still at this point.

Anyway, I'm really glad you liked the characterization of James! Your comments were spot on of what I was going for as regards his feelings for Lily. Call me crazy, but I've never seen James Potter as a "piner" who's just yearning desperately after Lily, so I've always wanted to explore that idea through of a story of my own. It's definitely INTENDED (and hopefully will be) as a very different perspective on James/Lily from both sides and WHEN I finally finish it I hope that will ring true.

I'm also glad that you liked the "ease in" introduction where James reflects on a mixture of canon and non-canon events before truly taking note of seeing Lily in a new light. I definitely didn't want him to come across as too into her this early (we'll see if you think I've messed this up after Chapter 3 - I hope not), as I really view the development of their attraction as VERY slow-burn before they begin dating 7th year.

Thanks so much for your feedback and offering a swap! I really enjoyed your story too!


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Review #25, by TheBigA Progress

16th August 2014:
Wow a double whammy! Two groups but one excellent chapter!

I was pleasantly surprised by Lily's part of the chapter, I chuckled inwardly during the line about her shaving her legs, as well as Alana's witty line about Lionel having to rub one out after Lily's "intense" hug. I love the way winter feels at hog warts and you did a satisfactory job describing it. Lionel's character feels like a James potter without arrogance, and that characteristic is why I believe he wants to take it slow with Lily. Great job describing their quaint day, even if it didn't end like a certain red haired witch would've expected...

On the other hand, Katie/James is clicking really well together, and I like how Katie is letting James pull pranks with the Marauders, which James is obviously excited about. And by the way, I don't mind you not including the actually prank, as the planning of the prank can actually give us readers more insight into what's going on rather than simply witnessing the event by itself.
(P.S thank you for the lengthiness of the chapter, it shows me that you are dedicated to getting content to the reader as quickly as you come up with it.)
-Aaron

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked the chapter! As far as Lily's side goes, I was in uncharted territory not being female myself and trying to get inside the banter that might take place while Lily was getting ready for her date. Your view of Lionel is an interesting one. I haven't really thought of him that way. I'm interested to see if your take on him evolves as his relationship with Lily moves forward.

With James/Katie, James is DEFINITELY excited about Katie letting him pull pranks. That's partly down to her enjoying them/not seeing anything wrong with them, but also partly down to her posture in the relationship relative to James, which will be explored some later. I'm glad you thought it was okay not to show the prank. Eventually, I'm going to have to show one, but I'm trying to pick the right point to do it and the right way to get it across. I'm thinking the last available opportunity is coming soon, but we'll see.

Thanks again for reading and reviewing!


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