5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Lululuna The Beast

8th April 2014:
Hello! :)

Wow, this is such a cool story! I love how you've taken a rarely explored aspect of the HP world and turned it into this whole other realm with the selkies. The beginning was really effective in how it set the tone, and I felt like I could hear that voice in my head approaching and telling me to think more closely about the Black Lake.

The selkies remind me a little of Roman legions, somehow. I think it's the emphasis on war and defending the kingdom, although there were some hints of going on the conquering offensive as well. When they mentioned traveling the globe, does that mean they venture beyond the Black Lake or just within the Lake? I can almost imagine them charging through the other scottish lochs, maybe going to fight with Nessie. :P I loved the way that warlike tendency is such a strong part of their nature, and how each of them is eager for battle - though perhaps Meino and Irene are able to see a positive side to being peaceful as well.

By the way, I like the term "terman" a lot! It's enough to make them sound similar, like creatures who are related, yet sort of adds that level of distance which allows the mermen to be disgusted and threatened by the termen. It was also fascinating how the world of the Lake mirrors the complexities of the world of the humans, and I liked how the mermen are sort of bitter about it.

Akakios is a great character, and I'm really intrigued to learn more about him. The way you wrote the chest was really fascinating and built up so much suspense, and I wonder if it has real importance or is more of a symbolic thing. It's quite interesting how he thinks his job of guarding the chest is mundane, to the extent of only staying there for Irene, and that passage was one of my favourites in the chapter. I'm looking forward to finding out more about it.

Ahah, I knew it was the giant squid! Wow, that thing has a very long lifespan. Framing the story around that conflict and how the Founders were possibly the ones who put it in is really exciting. This whole story is just so creative, and I love the world you've created. I'll definitely be keeping an eye out for an update - great job with this! :D

Author's Response: Wow, this was such a fantastic review!

I can totally see how it would seem like Romans. I study Latin in school, and with that there's a lot of Roman History, so that's probably what I was basing it off of, a little (although the names are more Greek than Roman...).

I do imagine that they travel outside of the Lake. Perhaps not really the entiiire globe, but certainly around the British Isles.

The terman are actually the humans! Mer=sea, Ter=land.

Since I failed the challenge (didn't get it all in by the deadline), it'll probably be a while before the next update... I'm keeping it tucked away until I get a bad case of writer's block on another story.

Thanks so much for such a nice review!


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Review #2, by The Empress The Beast

7th February 2014:
Hi! I'm here with your requested review. Sorry it's taken so long.

This is a very original premise! And interesting as well. You've obviously put some very real thought into your characters and the setting. I'm intrigued by the idea of Selkies living in the lake and their fear and hatred of the 'termen'. And the assumption that the Beast is an evil being sent by the termen to attack them. This definitely has the potential to get very exciting!

Judging by the name of the story, I'd guess that the chest holds no benign object. It is also very telling that there is a guard set at all times. I'm curious!

The base for your plot in this first chapter is, I think, very strong. And it flows really well. I don't think it's confusing at all! The vagueness lends to the mystery and leaves it open for development.

For a first chapter, your characters are very strong! From the interactions they have we learn a lot about them and that's awesome! So I don't think you have anything to worry about there.

Hope this was helpful
~Shiloh

Author's Response: Hey, thanks so much! This response is really late, so you probably won't even see it... but I'm responding anyway!

I'm glad you thought it was original! I had a lot of fun thinking it all through.

You're right that the chest is. significant... (wink).

Thanks so much for the helpful review!


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Review #3, by teh tarik The Beast

3rd February 2014:
Hello! I'm here with a review. :)

First of all, I think this is a very unique story; I've never read anything like this before on the site. You've got a really original plot going with the hostile underwater Selkie civilisation and the giant squid, which seems like a rather benign beast. The names of the selkies are very unique as well - Akakios and Caiside and Meino. And most interesting of all, this is a Founders Era fic as well. I must say I'm quite excited to see how the Sorting tradition at Hogwarts is linked to the Selkies, and what do the latter have to do with the founding of the school. I can't even predict what's going to happen!

I love that sense of mystery about that dull, unadorned chest that Akakios guards with his life for twelve hours a day, every day. Can't wait to read more about it! And I love the reason why he continues guarding the chest - because of the Emperor's daughter. I'm guessing that the two have to keep their relationship secret from the wrathful Emperor. The Selkie Emperor comes off as a very intimidating character, quick to anger and difficult to appease. I have to admit I don't really like him all that much. :P

I'm very interested in the 'termen' and the 'termaids'. How did you come up with these uh, terms? :P They're very interesting names for humans, or land-dwellers (I assume that's who the selkies are referring to). And I wonder what the giant squid has to do with those humans. Did they deliberately release the squid into the water as a sort of pet or something? Well, the Selkies certainly do feel threatened by its presence - at least the Emperor does.

Anyway, this is a great start to your story! It's very original, as I said before, and I do love the idea! I'm looking forward to your update! Great work.

-teh

Author's Response: Thanks so much for offering reviews like that! It's so kind of you!

I got the idea because one of my elements for the challenge is "there's a squid", so I immediately thought of the Selkies. I like you're glad the names. Behindthename is a wonderful, wonderful, place!

The chest will play a very large part in the rest of the story:). Their relationship being a secret will also play into it! What's going to happen might seem really random, but I think it'll all make sense. I hope. Boy, do I hope...

The Emperor is exactly the type of person he appears to be.

Yes, termen and termaids are people. Mer=sea and ter=land. The Selkies refer to themselves as either "selkies" or "people". Saying "Selkie" would be like saying "Scottish Person".

Thanks so much! I'm hoping to update this week!


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Review #4, by toomanycurls The Beast

30th January 2014:
Swapity swap!

Ah! You drew me in with the idea that sorting students into houses stemmed from this selkie emperor... very intriguing idea!!

I love the mythology and extra fantasty element in this story. I'm guessing termaids are their term for people - that's absolutely brilliant! I love the Little Mermaid vibe with Irene being curious about humans but her father seeing them as just a threat to their kind.

I'm dying to know what's in the chest too! is it good? Evil? the last twinkie?

Akakios sounds like a nice guy (boy I suppose). I'm not at all surprised he's grown to admire Irene. It's rather romantic that he stays with a rather lackluster position just to be able to see/talk to her.

One thing you do really well in this story is put the lake in the selkie's terms. I mean, it doesn't sound wizardy but it doesn't sound muggle either. I could imagine the selkies using these terms to describe their territory.

Given how the Emperor has been portrayed so far, Meino is quite brave to raise his concern that the giant squid is/isn't evil (at least that's what I think the beast is). The Emperor doesn't really seem to enjoy people second guessing his decisions/thoughts/sense of style (just guessing on the last one).

Well what do the selkies call Earth? :P

I love this story!! It brings the whole dimension of magical creatures to a new level of realness to me.

Hope you're posting more soon!

-Rose

Author's Response: Yay for copious swaps!

Hmmm... you'll have to keep reading (once I keep writing) to find out exactly how the Selkies fit into the Sorting... :)

Yes! Termaids are people. Mer=sea, Ter=land.

You'll find out what's in the chest... eventually (evil laugh). I can say that it isn't the last twinkie. It'd be soggy and gross. We're underwater, here.

Akakios is a nice guy.

The Emperor is exactly who he appears to be.

What do the selkies call Earth... good question... er... let me as the Emperor... oh sorry, he's in a bad mood.

I'm posting more... by the challenge deadline (which is creeping up!)


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Review #5, by Rumpelstiltskin The Beast

26th January 2014:
Swapping!

I evidently have some catching up to do when it comes to reading your stories ;).

Oh, I LOVE the way you started this! While everything was going on on September 1st in 1991, many completely other things were happening deep within the lake! Awesome. Then tying it in with the students being sorted into their respective Houses...brilliant!

Oh and a war! I love wars! Erm, well I love reading about wars!

The Beast certainly sounds ominous. I wonder what it is.

You've got some really fantastic interactions here! I especially loved the concept that the Emperor does not want anything encroaching upon his territory, and that other creatures may not be evil -- like the termaids!

It's fun observing a completely new society from this perspective. Having only one purpose in life, especially if it were to guard a chest, seems monotonous and dull -- but he takes his duty with pride and honor! Shows the difference between the society that I am surrounded by and the Selkie society. Though he does harbor some resentful feelings toward the chest, and I can't say that I blame him.

Oh! The red beast...watch out Selkies! Oh, it's the squid...tentacles and whathaveyou. I probably should have figured that one out sooner :D.

The Emperor, as they are, is pretty firmly set in his ways, isn't he? Hm. I wonder what will happen!

This was fantastic, and I love it!! I'm really excited to see the next chapter!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Haha, yes, I've been quite a busy writer lately:)

I added that right before posting to make it clear that they're mermaids (because there's a lot of stuff that's really unclear here...).
Something that might've been unclear... this doensn't take place in 1991. Rowena Ravenclaw is one of the characters:)

Also, I wasn't sure how clear I was... termaids are people. (Get it? mer=sea, ter=land). That'll be clearer.

The Emperor is... I roll my eyes at him.

You're so kind:D. The next chapter... will be up. Not right now, but it will.


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