Reading Reviews for Like a Rat in a Maze
  
17 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Unicorn_Charm Coal-black Eyes

4th September 2014:
Hi there! Here for our swap. :)

Holy cow! I don't even know if I can form a coherent sentence after that. Wow... Ok, hear I go.

This was surprisingly satisfying. Finally! Finally someone gave Peter what he deserved for what he did. I know it may be horrible, but I didn't want Snape to stop cursing him. His anger and anguish was just so raw and real. It was written so, so well!

My heart was pounding the entire time wondering, who attacked him? Why couldn't he remember. Was it Snape? Was that why he was so adamant on Peter remembering what happened? All of those questions were running through my mind. Then they're searching through Peter's memories and bam!

I have to say, it's a little creepy that Peter was in Ginny's underwear drawer at some point haha. But I digress.

I mean, it seemed like Peter showed some remorse for what he's done, but still. It's completely unforgivable. But, Snape should blame himself just as much as Peter. If he never told Voldemort about the prophecy...

Oh this was just so fantastic! It was dark, scary, suspenseful and purely amazing! I loved it. Absolutely loved it. You're brilliant! Thank you so much for the swap!! 1000/10

xoxo Meg

Author's Response: Hi, Meg!

I think a lot of readers have been happy to see Peter get his just desserts, but some of them also feel a bit bad about the fact that it was Snape who delivered them. I'm glad that you didn't feel conflicted about that. ;)

I wanted to maintain the mystery for as long as I could, just to make it more shocking when it finally becomes clear what's happened. Snape covers his tracks so well that it takes a while for him to find the hints that he's accidentally left behind. And then he takes care of them with his usually efficiency.

Yeah, that was a bit creepy, now that you mention it. The Weasley twins had unintentional interactions with a lot of the villains in the series, like when they bewitched snowballs to hit the back of Quirrel's turban.

I agree. Just because Peter feels some remorse doesn't mean that he doesn't deserve what happens to him. And Snape is far from blameless. I think Snape spends essentially the rest of his life trying -- and mostly failing -- to find ways to redeem himself. Lily definitely would not have approved of what he's doing here.

I'm really glad that you liked it! Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #2, by Roisin Coal-black Eyes

14th August 2014:
I think it might be impossible to write about Snape without using the word 'petulant' at some point ;)

I loved the way you described sensations and observations in this. And the lines "He looks pretty much the same as always, just blurrier. Greasy black hair hanging around a face only a mother could love" were kind of wonderful. Pettigrew was almost, just a little bit, charming? Edging on witty?

I've never read anything from his POV before, and his friendship with James, and betrayal is a really interesting subject to examine. I actually liked that you gave him a few, if minor, almost redeeming qualities. I mean, the Marauders were his friends for a reason. And there's a kind of cognitive dissonance here--calling Snape "Snivelus," Jame's nickname for him. It was very nearly the shadow of loyalty to the friend he betrayed.

And I LOVED that you brought up Wormtail's time hiding as Scabbers, and the Weasleys. It's a pretty important subject that I think is easy to dismiss.

And AH, what a very VERY dark ending! This was a really interesting way to play with POV. I mean, our sympathies are destined to go with Snape, but his continued torture and memory modification of Wormtail is pretty monstrous, and being inside Wormtail's head does force a bit of empathy.

I'm impressed that you managed something of a "micro-mystery" here--quite the accomplishment for a one-shot!!!

As I said in my review response, I have a LOT of Snape headcanon, which can make it hard for me to read Snape stories (if just the teensiest thing seems OOC to me I get thrown), but you did a spot-on job (as I assumed you would), and even managed to give him some fresh and creative behavior. There's definitely a precedent for Snape to switch from oily and condescending to outright wrathful, but I haven't seen it done quite like this.

NICELY DONE!

Author's Response: Snape is big on petulance, at least as he sees it in other people. His own behavior frequently bordered on petulance in the first five books. One of the things I liked most about HBP and DH was the way that JKR refined Snape's character and made him darker and less cartoonish. On a complete tangent, I've always wondered how much of the "maturing" of various characters in the books was simply an evolution of JKR's storytelling style vs. how much might have been "planned" as a function of Harry's perceptions changing as he grew up. A long conversation for another day...

I spent a lot of time editing and refining this story because I didn't want to lose sight of the fact that Peter was in a bad way physically. I couldn't have him suddenly popping up and dancing around. He did recover a little of his strength as the story played out, but it was important to keep him vulnerable. I'm sure that a little of James and Sirius's wit rubbed off on Peter over the years and I can't imagine he would have become friends with them if he had no redeeming qualities at all. That's the thing that makes Peter incredibly tricky to write. How do you capture the qualities that made him part of the Marauders without losing sight of the fact that he betrayed them all in the end? My motto for writing Peter is "fealty can look a lot like loyalty when it comes from one sufficiently skilled in deception."

I was not about to leave out the fact that Peter spent years being tormented by the various Weasley children. I think it's really humorous to imagine what might have happened if Ron had gotten another pet and Scabbers had been passed to Ginny? Bows, dresses and tea parties, anyone?

I don't think there are any winners in this story. There's nothing sympathetic about Snape, at least nothing that I've ever noted. He made terrible choices in life that caused people he cared about to get hurt and die. Peter did the same. In a way, these two deserve one another.

I'm really pleased that you liked the way I wrote Snape. He's very difficult to do justice to and it means a lot for someone who's given him a lot of thought to feel that way.

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #3, by Cassius Alcinder Coal-black Eyes

12th May 2014:
Here from review tag!

This story was so wonderfully creepy! I really enjoyed the sort of M. Night Shyamalan-esque twist at the end (not to insult you witht the comparison t= though because his movies have gotten pretty lame). Peter is caught in such a mind game and I almost feel bad for him but then I don't because its Peter.

Speaking of Peter, I enjoyed the way you portrayed him here. He just seemed so weak and pathetic, which is exactly how I would picture him at this point. It was great to see the contrast between him and Snape; the man who risks everything for the one thing he believes in against the man with no convictions.

I have to say my favorite part of the story was the dialogue. The way that Snape talked to Peter, his words were just dripping with condescension and contempt. I totally read it in Alan Rickman's voice.

I look forward to catching up on more of your stories over the summer!

Author's Response: Hi, there.

I tried to conceal the twist for as long as I could, and I'm glad that you enjoyed it. I don't think anyone should feel bad for Peter. He made his bed, now he's lying in it.

I was trying to portray Peter more in line with his book characterization than his movie characterization. In the movies, he was almost cartoonish. Fawning and pathetic. I didn't remember him that way from the books.

If Snape's voice sounded like Alan Rickman's Snape to you, then I accomplished what I set out to.

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #4, by tribble Coal-black Eyes

12th May 2014:
Review tag time once again from me!

I do like a good first person story I have to say, writing in first person is how I normally write and so it was nice to click this and find that this was also a good first person one-shot. And this is a really good first-person one-shot if I have to say so myself! The description of everything was spot on and I think you captured everyone's personalities really nicely and better than I could have done. I think that writing Wormtail in first person around this time in the HP books would have been difficult, but I feel like you managed it perfectly and I would be rather proud with the way you characterized him. And then there was good old Severus Snape covering his tracks while taking his vengeance out on Pettigrew for betraying the Potters to the Dark Lord and getting Lily killed. I imagine something like this would have happened because I doubt Snape would let Peter get away with it because he did love Lily deeply.

Honestly I could go on for hours about you description of things. Oh I do love a good bit of description and you nailed it on the head perfectly ten times over and I could love you for that. Sometimes people go for too much description or they just don't use it at all, but this was perfect how you did it, using quite a lot, but not taking away from the story but indeed adding a lot more to it.

Everything about this is wonderful and this is one of the best one-shots I have read to date. Great job!

Author's Response: Hi, there.

Writing in first person is always challenging for me. I find myself drifting back into third person and I keep having to back up and fix that. But when it works, it's pretty awesome. I'm glad you liked it. I tried to do a version of Wormtail that I thought was closer to his book characterization than the fawning, spineless piece of comic relief that he was portrayed as in the movies. I really enjoyed writing Snape in this. It was fun to take him out of his usual, cool, calculating persona and tap into all of the anger I'm sure he was carrying after Lily's death.

Thanks for all of the kind words, and thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #5, by Slide Coal-black Eyes

8th May 2014:
Ooh, first person present. I'm always nitpicky about this as a tense choice, but I think you're using it effectively. It's at its best when it's very immediate and personal, and starting this in a kind of dream-state for Peter helps emphasise that; we start in his head and pull out.

Cool description on the growing awareness of Snape. It meant I'd figured it out before we were sure, which was good! And Snape's voice in this is just as strong as Peter's is proving to be. And I'm liking the descriptions in general - effective depiction of the pain Peter's in, effective catch-up exposition. I love the point that James and Lily would recognise Snape immediately after all these years, but not Peter.

It's good to see Peter with a spine, not just as a Death Eater but in his interactions with Snape. He was part of the gang who harassed him as a kid, after all; he'd know how to give as good as he'd get. And it's good to see him THINKING; I love his panicked rush to lie, to proclaim just how foolish he is so of course he couldn't sell them out.

And Peter's manipulation of Snape, without an Unbreakable, is good. I really like your Peter; sympathetic, worthy of pity, but at the same time with his own fire and strengths. I don't see how Peter would have been so successful a Death Eater if he was ONLY pathetic and snivelling; sure, some of it was Voldemort having limited options, but the guy was a Marauder and one of the Dark Lord's closest. He's got talents.

Nice depiction of Legilimency. Like a version of hypnotism but more, er, magical. And a vivid depiction of what went down at Godric's Hollow, but it was fun to see it from Peter's perspective. I like that the regret is distant - it's there, but it's not what keeps him up at night. It's something more slow-burning, simmering under the surface, while Snape...

Well, I did wonder if Snape was originally trying to see Peter's memories to cover up an Order attack, but he's obviously got different agendas. Love the description of Voldemort as 'elemental' - he's like a force of nature, it's hard to HATE him for choices. He doesn't make choices, he just IS.

Though that ending is just chilling. This was really good! I thought it was going to be more about Snape being a spy, so this had a nice underlayer of me assuming I knew what was going on and being WRONG. While it was perfectly seeded. I like that!

Top work.

Author's Response: Hi, there! Sorry to take so long to respond.

This was the second story that I've written in first person and it's definitely painful. I spent a lot of time going back and fixing places where I accidentally slipped into the wrong tense when I was editing this.

Thanks for your compliments on the descriptions. Solving the "mystery" of this story was very dependent on what Peter was seeing and feeling, so I thought it was important to get that right.

I think you and I see Peter the same way. I never liked the portrayal of the character in the films, the way they made him so cowardly and fawning and almost scared of his own shadow. It took a perverse sort of courage to make the choices he made when he betrayed his friends. I wanted to show some of that here.

Like I said in the A/N, I do owe a credit on the description of Legilimency to my pal GingeredTea. She came up with the excellent "cool fog" description. I think that Peter regrets what he did, in his own way, but you're right. It isn't foremost on his list of worries.

Yes, Snape! I had loads of fun stripping away that cool, calculating mask he always wears and letting some genuine anger out. There was no way that he didn't hate Peter for what happened to Lily. I couldn't imagine that he wouldn't have acted on those feelings while he had Wormtail all alone at his house in Spinner's End.

I'm really pleased that you enjoyed the story. Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #6, by LightLeviosa5443 Coal-black Eyes

6th May 2014:
Hi! I'm here for review tag!

So, I'm already really interested in this story and I haven't even started reading it yet. The first sentence, the way you start the story off with Dialogue just pulled me right in. I really like that this is in Peter's POV. The way you've written him is wonderful. I can sense his panic, and then distate at who is talking to him. I can only imagine what Snape has plans to do. I'm intrigued and scared and stopping to actually write down what I'm thinking while I'm reading this is so tough because I don't want to stop reading.

Ooh, so it's set in the middle of the books. I probably could've known that by looking at the details of the story. Oh well, it was fun finding it out while I was reading. I love that even though Peter has betrayed his friends, and he's on his own, he still reverts to his school boy ways in the way he treats Snape. I think it's interesting and really believable. Disdain for someone doesn't just go away because you're both "working" for the same person. Great job there.

Okay, why is Peter there, and why is he supposed to be there. OH WAIT I KNOW. Okay, I'm on the same page now. We're good, we're good. Ignore my rambling, I promise the end of this review will make more sense (probably, maybe. Okay no promises). HAHA. HAHAHA. Oh my gosh, Snape insulting Pettigrew when he's asking who did it to him. That's great. Priceless. Wonderful wonderful wonderful banter there, brilliant characterization. I can actually SEE this scene in my mind.

Peter is a slippery slippery snake. How was he not a Slytherin?? Even I'm terrified of the Dark Lord in this. Normally I can seperate myself out, and just not be afraid of him, but you've pulled me so far into the story I have goosebumps at the idea of what Voldemort would do. I LOVE the description of Peter not wanting Snape into his mind. The way you have him listing off people, and saying it as if he's some kind of god at Legilimency. Brilliant.

Again, I love Snape. I don't normally read fics about death eaters, or Snape. But this is just, woah. This makes me WANT to read stories about death eaters, and Snape and Voldemort. This is just amazing. Wonderful. Incredible. I'm only halfway through, how is this even possible? Stop being talented, it's not fair.

I love the mention of the Marauders. That Peter still thinks of them, even though he knows he's done terrible things that they could never in a million years forgive him for, even if they were all alive. He kind of reminds me of a schoolboy trying to impress his friends, again. I almost kind of pity him and his lack of just... Being. I agree with Snape, he truly is pathetic and mediocre. And he's definitely not getting the best of Severus, there's a catch to this. There has to be.

Ugh. I hate Peter so much. I love the way you've written this whole scene though. The way that Snape went in, and the way he's so condescending to Peter even in thoughts. Peters memories, the way he's looking back in on them too and thinking about them. It kind of feels like a game being played back and forth. Good regret it you big meany. (for lack of better 12+ words to use). Ugh, the idea of crying baby Harry makes me want to cry. STOP EVOKING EMOTIONS IT'S NOT FAIR.

YES. I LOVE THIS. YAY. HURT HIM. HURT HIM SNAPE. I'm violent. Woah, what have you done. I'm not normally this violent. Oh. My. God. That ending. How. What. You're brilliant. I don't even. How can I even say coherent things after that awesome of an ending!! Oh this is so great. You should definitely get back into the swing of writing more, because this is just incredible.

Your descriptions literally pulled me into the story and grabbed me by the throat and had me so entirely captivated through the story. And your characterization. I could feel the honesty and the believability of the characters you wrote. Everyone made sense, they fit with what JKR gave us. I am absolutely in love with the way you wrote this, and the effort you put into this. This story makes me want to stalk your author page forever. I'm sorry this review is so useless, but I don't have anything constructive to say, there's nothing you could do to make this better. It's simply amazing. Woah this review is long.

xoxo Sarah ♥

Author's Response: Hi, Sarah!

If at all possible, I like to drop the reader right into the story without any unnecessary setup. I think it's the best way to get people engaged right away. Since Peter doesn't really know much of anything about his circumstances, I wanted to put the reader in a similar situation.

This story is set some time after the battle in the Department of Mysteries and before Narcissa and Bellatrix show up at Snape's house in Spinner's End. It's not clear from the books how much of the summer Peter spent there, so I didn't really specify it down to the day or week. I enjoyed playing with which parts of Peter's character would have changed and which parts would have stayed the same. I agree about his attitude toward Snape.

I'm really pleased that you could see the scene playing out in your mind. I had a certain imagine of the back-and-forth going on in Snape's sitting room and I'm never quite sure whether anyone else visualizes it the same way.

I still don't think Peter belonged in Slytherin. He's cunning, but only to an extent. As you'll see...

Ha! There are definitely people who write a better Snape than me, although I do enjoy writing him. This story was different than the situations I usually have him in, though. It was a chance to have some fun with his darker side.

I sort of doubt that Peter ever stopped thinking about what might have been. We'll never know -- well, unless JKR writes something about it on Pottermore or elsewhere -- exactly why Peter decided to betray his friends, but we do know that they were all once closer than brothers. I doubt even selling your soul to Voldemort could completely wipe that away.

And finally we get to the real truth of what's been happening all along. I don't mind one bit that you ended up hating Peter. He deserved no less. The thought of poor Harry crying for his slain parents pretty much cements things for me.

Ha! Yes! Kick him some more while you've got him down! I see that you and I have very similar thoughts on how Snape *should have* treated Peter. I just can't imagine that Snape had Peter all alone for some amount of time and he didn't take that opportunity to exact vengeance on the man who took the love of his life away from him.

Thank you for all of the kind words. This was an idea that I'd had floating around in my head for a long time, and it did get me back into the flow of writing, at least for a little while. Now I've kind of lost it again. :( Reviews like this definitely help, though. (: Thanks so much!


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Review #7, by XxImAgInAiReXx Coal-black Eyes

6th April 2014:
REVIEW TAG

This story was interesting to read. I think this is the first story I've read that puts Peter Pettigrew in the protagonist's position, and does it well. You did a good job capturing his character and making the reader sympathize with him as well. I also enjoyed Snape's character. It's entirely realistic that he would want revenge against the person who causes Lily's death, even though he probably was just as responsible for it as Pettigrew, if not more.

If I had one complaint, it would be that Pettigew didn't use that as some sort of comeback or argument with Snape. I don't think it would have changed it at all, but it would have added some depth to Snape's character, if Pettigrew reminded him about how responsible he was for Lily's death, and Snape lashed out instead of being reasonable.

Overall it was a great read :)

Author's Response: Hi, there! Likewise, I had never read a fic that dealt with the time that Peter spent as Snape's "guest" at Spinner's End, told from either character's perspective. I had to imagine that some interesting things took place during that time. Snape was, of course, every bit as responsible as Peter, but I doubt that would have reduced his desire to hurt Peter. Hurting Peter ultimately damages Snape, himself, and he probably realizes that he deserves no less.

That is a good point about Peter throwing the prophecy back in Snape's face. I hadn't thought of that. It probably would have made Snape even angrier, which could play nicely into the story. Thanks for the idea!

I'm pleased that you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #8, by shez Coal-black Eyes

2nd April 2014:
Here from review tag!

I expected great things from the writer of detox, but this...whoah. This blew my mind. I don't think I've read a Snape-interrogating-Peter story before but I can totally see this happening in canon. You captured Peter's cowardice,guilt,weak personality so seamlessly it's a pleasure to read. And SNAPE...oh my gosh. I love Snape so much that I can't stand any story that doesn't do hum justice. You've done him justice. That's all I can say. I can see him go mental like this when he finds Pettigrew was responsible for Lily's death.

AND THAT ENDING. Wait, is this a one-shot?


Even so, Bravo. It's been a pleasure reading this.

shez

Author's Response: Hi, there.

I always found it hard to imagine that Snape would be able to stop himself from hurting Peter during Peter's stay at Spinner's End. Peter was responsible for the tragedy that Snape risked everything to prevent. I'm really glad that you thought I did Snape justice. That was really important to this story.

This was indeed a one-shot. I'm leaving it up to the reader to decide how many times Snape indulges his desire for vengeance. Could be only two, could be many more...

I'm really please that you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #9, by True Author Coal-black Eyes

28th February 2014:
Hi!

I just can't believe how much I enjoyed this! I NEVER read Peter Pettigrew stories as I just hate him for what a traitor he was, but your title, banner and summary were so awesome that I couldn't resist! But I'm glad I decided to check this one out. It was worth a read! :)

First of all, you have an amazingly addicting plot. It sort of drew me in and I couldn't stop until I reached the end. It's hard to write something this way, so kudos! :D

Oh my god I never thought why Snape treated Peter like that! But this idea makes sense. That's because Lily was killed because of him! Oh I just love Snape's love for Lily. So loyal and amazing.

This was a really intriguing story, lovely!

Ashwini

Author's Response: Hi, there!

I usually dislike Peter as a character because too many authors follow his movie characterization -- fawning, bumbling and cowardly to the point where it's ridiculous -- instead of the way he was presented in the books. Betraying his friends to the Dark Lord was one of the worst things that any character did in the entire story, but the fact is that Peter alone made that strategic decision. If he was the sort of pitiful follower the movies made him out to be, I don't think he ever finds the courage, perverse though it might be, to change sides.

I'm really glad that the plot drew you in. I was thinking of a very dark, twisted take on the movie Groundhog Day.

After reading the Prince's Tale in Deathly Hallows, I remember thinking back to the start of Half Blood Prince and realizing that Snape had Wormtail completely at his mercy for days, possibly weeks. I even wondered whether Voldemort sent Wormtail to hide out in Snape's house as some sort of test, to see whether Snape had overcome his love of Lily. It seemed logical that Snape would exact his vengeance, so long as he could do it in a way that Voldemort wouldn't know.

I'm pleased that you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #10, by lindslo2012 Coal-black Eyes

26th February 2014:
WOW.
I am speechless about how awesome I felt this was.
I was drawn from the very beginning and usually with REALLY long things like this I check out half way but oh my goodness I felt like I was actually standing in the room with Snape and Pettigrew watching this happen.
I am completely on Snape's side in this story after I found out what he did because Lily was the one woman that he had ever loved, and he is dead because of Peter.
I applaud you for your amazing characterization and your addicting plot in this story. I kind of wish it was a WIP so I could come back and read some more.
I have not read many Snape fics, and escpecially not Pettigrew fics because I have always hated him for what he did and he is so very ugly, lol. But your one-shot was just brilliant! I wish I could write in the kind of description that you do... can you come write some of my stories? Joking, but you are an amazing writer.
I am quite shocked that Snape actually revealed that his love for Lily was so intense and that he was there the night that Peter gave Voldemort the info and he came to kill them. I would never forgive Pettigrew for that, in fact I am glad he is dead.
I loved this one-shot, way to go. No CC from me!
Until next time,
-Lindsey

Author's Response: Hi!

I'm really glad that you were able to immerse yourself in the room with Snape and Peter. I always do my best to pull the reader into the scene as much as possible and it sounds like that worked for you.

I'm also pleased that you wish this was longer. There's really no higher compliment, I guess. It's just hard to imagine where I'd take the story from here. I wanted to leave it up to the reader's imagination to decide how many times Snape indulges his desire for vengeance before the more logical, calculating part of him reasserts itself.

You don't see many stories on the archives that revolve around Peter and far too many of the Snape stories involve a romance with Lily so I avoid them. I got the idea for this while I was re-watching HBP. It dawned on me that Snape had Wormtail at his mercy at the house on Spinner's End for days or perhaps weeks. Considering how broken he was after Lily died, it just didn't make sense that he wouldn't have used the opportunity.

I'm tickled pink that you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #11, by GingeredTea Coal-black Eyes

18th February 2014:
It took me MUCH longer than I thought, but I am here and you are my 100th review. :) Now I just have to see if I can leave as great a review as you do (probably not - you have hundreds more under your belt than me).

I always enjoy Severus, but I don't usually enjoy Peter. To be honest I probably only enjoyed him here because Snape was torturing him (whether he understood that or not).

So let me just start by saying I love stories where the beginning and ending are full circle like this one! This reminded me just a tiny bit of the fanfic "Eternal Return" by Silver Pard with the beautifully meshed beginning and ending. On subject matter, there was no similarity, however. LOL.

You bring Snape to life realistically and wonderfully. He is as caustic as ever and we see how willing he is to use his power over Peter - his abilities - to hurt the man.

Making Peter relive the death of the Potter's - was yet another reason I was rooting for Snape here, but to some extent I felt sorry for Snape, because I wondered if he wasn't just entering Peter's mind to torture the man (and clean up afterwards) but to relive Lily's last moments over and over again. Does that mean Peter is a bit like a USB drive with his deepest darkest secret? I feel this vicious cycle that he sees Lily, becomes enraged, tortures, and cleans up, see's Lily in the process, and the cycle repeats.

This story was hauntingly enticing, recklessness mixed with careful calculation, repetition surely building certainty that he can do it again without being caught, and throughout you manage to maintain 'Snape' which is hard when any emotions are involved!

Thank you for such a great read! Perhaps when I come around midway through 200 reviews I will be able to write one as wonderful as yours! :)

Author's Response: Hi, there! What a pleasant surprise! I'm honored.

I don't usually like Peter, either, which I think is because too many authors keep him closer to his movie characterization (fawning and simpering almost to the point of being a physical comedy routine) than the way I imagined him from the books. There had to be more to the character than the rather laughable way he was portrayed in the films. Peter was cunning and brave enough to have been part of the Marauders through 7 years of schooling. He made the decision that he was safer betraying his friends to the Death Eaters than remaining loyal. It was the wrong decision, in the final analysis, but the point is that he chose. Nobody did that for him. So to portray Peter as a completely cowardly follower isn't accurate in my mind.

Which is not to say that the guy is admirable in any way. I also enjoyed imagining Snape toying with him.

One of my inspirations for this was actually the movie Groundhog Day, although the subject matter is obviously far lighter in the movie. I wanted to leave it up to the reader to decide how many times Snape indulges his desire for vengeance.

I really like writing Snape, so long as it doesn't involve a romantic pairing with Lily. I guess I have a thing for tortured souls.

I think there were a lot of reasons that Snape keeps returning to Peter's memory of the night the Potters died. Some would say -- and I wouldn't disagree -- that Snape never stopped living in that moment when he found Lily dead on the floor of Harry's nursery. That moment defined the rest of his life. He never got over her death, never moved beyond it. And seeing the moment again refuels his anger and makes him want to hurt Peter even more.

I'm glad you saw the story like that. I wanted to "unbalance" Snape, to take away his unshakeable mask of discipline and control for a brief time. But there were other things about him that I didn't want to change. He's still meticulous about cleaning up his mess each time.

I'm glad that you enjoyed it, and thank you for the inspiration on how to write Snape's use of legilimency!


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Review #12, by Kinnu Coal-black Eyes

3rd February 2014:
Hey,

I absolutely love your writing style. The descriptions of events and places are so vivid I can picture them in my head. I can see Snape and Pettigrew and the expressions that go along with what they say. How do you do it? (I'm horrible at describing the setting...)

If you don't mind me saying though, I thought Pettigrew was mostly out of character. I mean, according to the story, he's not all that brave and he sure doesn't have the brains to strike a deal with someone so sneaky and intelligent as Severus. Maybe thinking Severus is clever and Pettigrew is stupid is just me... If it is and the point of your story is to show that Pettigrew can dig up some courage, ignore me!

As for Severus, your portrayal of him was totally Canon and believable. I could relate to the time frame you mentioned too!

One more thing though. Maybe you should describe the Pettigrew coming to Spinner's end part in the beginning. Because I half-understood it somewhere in the middle when they mention it and totally understood it in the Author's note you put up.

Other than that, awesome.

Looking forward to reading more of your stories,

Kinnu

Author's Response: Hi, there.

Thanks for the compliments on my writing style. I don't normally write in first person, so it's good to hear that it worked well for you.

I've always found the movie portrayal of Peter to be a little at odds with the way the books made me think of him. I can't imagine he was as much of a sniveling coward as the movies made him out to be. It took a certain kind of courage to make the choices he made, even if they were indefensible. And while Peter *thinks* he's getting the best of Snape, that obviously wasn't the case.

I really enjoy writing Snape, as long as it's not in some situation where he's pining over Lily.

I wanted to keep things rather mysterious at the beginning, to help the reader get into the same mental groove as Peter. He's quite lost and has no idea what's going on or where he is.

I'm glad that you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #13, by toomanycurls Coal-black Eyes

27th January 2014:
Hello!! I'm here from the review tag thread. I saw you had something new and wanted to read it! :D

This story is quite a wonderfully written nightmare for Peter. I love how the story loops at the end giving this sense of eternal terror and torture. It fits extremely well with the maze idea.

Peter's disorientation is wonderfully written. I like that he's just as confused about his circumstance as the reader is. Snape duplicity as he puts Peter on the defense about his memory lapse while hoping to wheedle back into his memory is remarkable. I'm glad I read this and then re-read to review - the second reading is making all of your brilliant development pop out as so much more wicked and delightful.

I quite like the way you've explored death eater life. Peter thinking that the less he can share the better off he is stood out to me. Peter's comment about Snape still being recognizable as the same man where he was not struck me as extremely sad - moreover that he thinks of James and Lily as wanting to be able to recognize him after the betrayal. I do feel bad for Peter (a little).

Oh there's the Gryffindor - Peter calling Snape Snivelus despite being quite at Snape's mercy.

If I were Snape, berating someone for their clear ineptitude at escaping and demanding an explanation, all while knowing that I had been the one to make them look like they were in such a state - well, I'm not sure I'd be able to pull it off. You've really dug into Snape's nastier side here and I love it.

I did start to suspect Snape when Peter's mind was completely blank for the attack. Only that it was a thought in the back of my mind. I quite liked that Peter was able to make Snape give pause to his idea of informing Voldemort - that he had the cunning to cause at least a flicker of apprehension.

Your description of legilimency is incredibly vivid. Enough that I now know for sure I'd never want to experience it.

Ooh, I like the insinuation that Peter knows where Snape's truly loyal. I LOVED the line about better men not having seen what Peter has seen - it's so well crafted and poetic.

Reliving his betrayal of James and Lily is quite intense to read. His own hope that maybe he wouldn't do it is just gut-wrenching.

It's a bit masochistic of Snape to relive that memory through Peter's mind but I completely understand his desire to punish Peter for it. Rage Snape is much scarier than calm and oily Snape.

As I mentioned at the beginning, the end of this story is just perfect. Now I'm here with my brain full of thoughts on Snape and Pettigrew wondering how long he kept (poor) Peter in that cycle of terror. This was artfully done!

-Rose

Author's Response: Hi, there! Long time, no see!

I'm glad you enjoyed Peter's horrible waking nightmare. Personally, I really don't like the character. I always struggle with stories that try to redeem him or rationalize his actions in some way. His best friend trusted him with the lives of his wife and infant son and Peter turned them over to a madman who made no secret of his intent to kill them all. There's just no forgiving that. So I have to admit that it was fun to toy with Peter in this story. He deserved no less.

Peter might have been a traitor and a coward, but he was also a survivor. Just as he sought out a niche among the Marauders, I have to assume that he found ways to navigate the treacherous ranks of the Death Eaters. I also think that he probably felt a form of remorse, albeit one soaked in self-pity.

I'm quite sure that Snape had a very nasty side to his personality. It was always alluded to when the other characters remembered him from school. So when presented with an opportunity to take vengeance on Wormtail, I imagine he would have indulged that side of his personality extensively. In a sense, this is one of the oldest plot bunnies I have. When I was reading The Prince's Tale, it suddenly dawned on me that Wormtail spent part or all of the summer between OotP and HBP at Snape's house on Spinner's End. I remember thinking, "Snape must have wanted to tear him limb from limb." This is my take on what might have happened.

I "borrowed" a good chunk of my idea about the feel of Legilimency from GingeredTea's amazing story "Devlin Potter". I really loved the idea of Snape's presence sort of seeping into Wormtail's thoughts and memories from all directions, like fog blowing in.

Peter /thinks/ he knows Snape's true loyalties. Then again, so do a lot of people.

I really liked taking both characters through Peter's memories of betraying James and Lily because I couldn't think of a better way to set the stage for Snape's fury. He really dos come a bit unhinged, which was also fun to write. Snape is all about rigid mental control in the books, so taking the wraps off and letting him just react without thinking was rewarding in a way. Of course, he wouldn't be Snape if he didn't make sure to cover his tracks afterward, hence wiping Wormtail's memory and going back to double-check his work.

I'm really pleased that you enjoyed this! Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #14, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing Coal-black Eyes

19th January 2014:
Hi Dan!

Eek, new story! It made me very excited to see! This though, this is amazing! There's so many things I love about it.

First of all I have to say something about your characterisation of Peter. Dan, it's perfect! This is the first time I've read Peter as a death eater where I can see some of the character that should be there for him. First of all, you gave him some traits that made me believe completely he should be in Gryffindor. He stands up to Snape even though he's in a bad way. Second, you showed that there was a time he was friends with the other Marauders and he still thinks about them. I can never forgive him for what he did to James and Lily but in here there were little moments when he was calling Snape and hoping James and Sirius would have been proud of that one and stuff and yes. Sorry, reading this just made me excited that someone has written a Peter that fits my head canon of him perfectly.

I like also that you got the rat theme going through this. So when he's furiously thinking through his options, what he should tell and what he shouldn't. I could just imagine him like I did in the books. His eyes darting, thinking of the escape routes. You also make reference to it with him curling up and retreating away. I thought it was very clever.

Staying on theme of characterisation, again I couldn't fault your Snape. The looks in his eyes, the cool exterior and the way he speaks. I think you got him bang on canon. Nothing felt out of place at all.

Next I have to say the plot of the story is fantastic. All the way through I was constantly questioning everything but by the end of the story I understood perfectly. You didn't need the explanation in the AN for me, but I understand if you want to leave it in. I think it's clear what is happening though.

When I was reading this at the start I was questioning Snape's motives, and even when Peter felt he had the upper hand, I wasn't so sure. It seemed to me that Snape had got him exactly where he wanted him, and we later find out this is true. I could tell Snape wanted to get in his memories and my first thoughts was that Snape was trying to get something for the order but I like what you did better. Ingenious. I love how Snape talked Peter round and Peter actually thinks he has the upper hand for a moment, but no. It was just so perfect Dan, I can't even begin to describe.

The ending, hmm, I think Snape may have done this a few times... The fact it comes full circle though, with Snape checking his memory and then getting angry again. Yeah excellent. Poor Peter, goodness knows how he gets through it!

Once again you've amazed me with your fantastic story Dan, I really enjoyed this, it's a great piece of writing! It's definitely going down as a favourite!

Lauren :)

Author's Response: Hi, Lauren! Thanks for stopping by.

Whew! I'm really glad you liked what I did with Peter. I agree with you that I don't like a lot of the characterizations of him that I've read -- granted, there aren't many. He's not a very popular character -- in that they make him almost cartoonish in the way that he cowers and fawns and generally acts like he's terrified of everyone. I just can't square that portrayal with the things that he's done. There would have to be more of an inner determination for him to have made the choices he made and sacrificed everything that he threw away when he changed sides.

I tend to think that Peter lived as Scabbers for so long that the mentality would have become very entrenched. It's sort of interesting to compare him with Sirius. In both cases, their lives came to a halt on the night that Peter faked his own death. Sirius went to prison, Peter went into hiding. Both of them were, in a sense, frozen in time at that moment while the real world kept on moving.

You know me. I love writing Snape as long as it doesn't involve anything yucky like having Lily fall in love with him. Around the time I finished reading The Prince's Tale in DH, it dawned on me just how infuriating it must have been to Snape to be ordered to babysit Wormtail. He had to protect the coward who betrayed Lily to Voldemort and caused his deal with Dumbledore to fall apart. So when he had the opportunity to take his revenge, I can't imagine that he wouldn't have. But, he's still Snape. He didn't stay alive for so long by being careless. I'm sure he would have gone to great lengths to make sure that there was no evidence for Voldemort to find, including inside Wormtail's head.

Yes, I could definitely see Snape doing this more than once. The way I think of Snape, the moment that Lily died ended life as he knew it. He lives in that moment and he always will. So given the opportunity to relive that moment in Wormtail's memories, there isn't really a choice. It isn't that he *wants* to see those things again and again, I just don't think he can help himself. That is the moment he lives in. Thus, the cycle repeats itself.

I'm really glad that you enjoyed it. It was fun to write in places, and rewarding to see it complete. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #15, by Pixileanin Coal-black Eyes

16th January 2014:
New story!

And first person!! And present tense!! What on earth has gotten into you, Dan?? Or should I ask whose brain have you gotten into, because I see you've written a Wormtail fic here. All dark and gory and such. Very nice!

"Whatever's wrong with me, I can't even get my eyes to open." You've gotten the panicky feeling down cold. I get this frightened, helpless sensation from him right there. After he drinks whatever it is that was given to him, he becomes more lucid. Which may be worse for him, judging by his reaction. He knows he's in for some serious trouble.

"Who am I kidding? Of course he doesn't." No, Snape isn't going to help you out more than he's ordered to.

Wormtail is suffering greatly, yet he's thinking pretty clearly at this point. I can imagine that if someone is an underling for the Dark Lord, they'd grow accustomed to this kind of treatment on a regular basis. He's focused on his situation and already trying to think of ways he can get out of whatever mess he's landed in. It reads like he's been here before, like he's used to this kind of pain and knows that inevitably, they want him for something, so he doesn't have to fear for his life. I can totally buy into that mindset here. Very slimy. Very rat-like. I can picture his beady eyes darting around, calculating, working through his (very limited) options (if any).

You mention the hole that he crawls into when things get bad, both literally and figuratively. I can see that as a running theme here. He's constantly looking for his escape, even when things seem like the worst. He never stops trying... it's probably in his nature to keep trying, until he's truly dead. I bet he figures that if they wanted him dead, he wouldn't still be having a conversation with Snape.

I like how you placed the event by giving him a chance to think through the last thing he remembers. It's a great way to show us where we are in the story, without announcing it over the narrative loudspeaker. Wormtail is focusing on his survival, he made it through whatever task he was given, and he can't remember what happened in those three hours... and then the panic sets in. He's not afraid of Snape, he's not concerned with his present condition really, but he's scared to death of the Dark Lord. That's his button. Push it harder! Let's see what else happens!

"He's not the only one who has secrets."

This is a great line. I am amazed by how much strength Wormtail has in this situation. He's beaten, bloody, bits of his life are missing from his head, and he still thinks through his situation, and he still uses what he knows to his advantage. He doesn't lose himself in a frantic panic like I thought he would. There's some fortitude to this guy. And he knows exactly who he's talking to. He keeps pushing to find an angle he can use. This is very interesting to me.

All the little details of his memories, floating in and out of the scene are really great. The mention of the telly in Lily's flat, the flour canister, they're great reminders of who people thought he was.

"There's something familiar about the pattern, but I can't quite place it."

Oh, but we will. Won't we? The taunting voice of Snape guiding him through the blankness of his mind... and something emerges from the vague lights... I really like what you did, the way you showed the tiny remnants of his memory.

When I first read this, I wasn't sure if Wormtail was being swept away inside his mind, or if it was really happening. You didn't mention the couch he was sitting on, so I assumed that it was all in his mind still. I was back on track with the line, "I realize that I'd forgotten..." and all became clear again. It was kind of eerie reading it, almost like I was lost in his mind too.

I really like how you brought the whole story around, back to a new beginning. I didn't need the explanation at the end. I think you did a great job with this. It was a really interesting, and chilling example of how relentless Snape can be, and how resilient Wormtail must have been to survive under such pressure.

Great piece!

Pix

Author's Response: Hi, pix!

First person, present tense… using it was a blessing and a curse. I mainly love the air of mystery it creates. The character whose point of view you’re writing is living in the moment, they don’t know anything that the reader doesn’t also know. There’s no foreshadowing, no moments of “if I had only known then what was about to happen…”

Wormtail knows from the moment he regains consciousness that he’s in trouble. He’s basically defenseless, with no idea where he is or how he got there. He trusts Snape only because he really has no other choice. And like he says, they’re supposed to be on the same side. That said, Snape definitely isn’t going to come in for any group hugs. ;)

I do think that Wormtail, in particular, was used to harsh treatment. He was made to cut his own hand off, for pete’s sake. After knowing what he did to his best friends, I’m sure that none of the other Death Eaters trusted him, let alone liked him. So, yes, he’s used to having to think on his feet to keep himself alive.

Crawling into a hole is both metaphorical and a practical thing. The practical aspect is that Wormtail is performing a type of Occlumency without necessarily realizing that he’s doing it. When he crawls into a hole in his mind, he’s shielding his thoughts.

I’m glad you liked his thoughts as he tries to figure out what’s happened. He is completely terrified of Voldemort, as any sane person would be. It’s not that he’s completely unafraid of Snape, it’s just that Voldemort is so much scarier. In a way, I think that makes him seem a bit stronger than he would otherwise be. His fortitude mostly represents a will to survive that’s kept him alive through the first war and fifteen years of aftermath.

Yep, just when Wormtail thinks he’s gotten the best of Snape, it turns out that he just didn’t understand the game he was playing. Snape tricks him into allowing the exploration of his mind and uses the opportunity to identify his one, small mistake when he erased Wormtail’s memory and replace it. But once Snape is on the inside, he can’t stop himself from reliving Lily’s death through Wormtail’s memory one more time. Because truthfully, Snape never stopped living in that moment. Always.

I’m really pleased that you enjoyed this! Thanks so much for taking a moment to let me know!


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Review #16, by MissesWeasley123 Coal-black Eyes

14th January 2014:
Oh Severus... Severus Severus that sneaky man! How absolutely brilliant must your imagination be to come up with this? The idea, the description - everything was so clever! And has is seriously been three months? Wow! Either I have terrible feel of time because of rotten classes, or I read Detox really slowly haha. But wow - this was amazing.

It was really interesting, first of all, to be reading this from Pettigrew's perspective. Especially since this was told in first person. It was interesting because there were so many parts, where Peter seemed so immature, and childish because of the way he conveyed his fright. In my head, lines like this one made me chuckle because he seemed like a schoolboy:

Is he trying to poison me? Probably not. If he really wanted to hurt me, he would have just used his wand. -- Here, he would be calculating what Snape was giving him, and it was rather awkward to actually see him think, but in way too many fics is Peter depicted to be stupid boy, but there you show how cunning and calculative he really is. But then again, as I was reading, it was making me laugh because the way he was panicking was hilarious to me for some reason. I think it was because he was trying to be smart, but it wasn't really working... I am beyond confused right now and have probably managed to confuse you as well haha :P

And Snape, whoa! He was brilliantly written as always. Everything - from his voice, to his actions. The way he manipulated Pettigrew... Brilliant. In fact, the whole idea was amazing. From his anger to the way he tortured him... It was worse because there ws no way Peter could resist. And that last line! I think there, that was where you truly saw Snape's crazy/loving side. To know that he has no issue doing it over and over again! What was even more chilling was the use of present tense - it was brilliant.

Great writing as always! I'll be back to go through Marked once I'm done exams that I should be studying for, but like, y'know.

Author's Response: Hello, hello!

I've had this idea kicking around in my head for a while, and I felt like I really needed to write *something* to get back in the habit. After reading the Prince's Tale in Deathly Hallows, I remember thinking back to the start of Half Blood Prince and thinking what a slap in the face it must have been to Snape to be ordered to babysit the cowardly traitor who handed Lily over to the Dark Lord. It's almost inconceivable that he wouldn't have taken some measure of revenge. But Snape being Snape, I'm sure that he was also methodical about covering his tracks. Hence the idea of this story.

It was interesting to try to find Peter's "voice" to write this in first-person. The immaturity actually came from an odd sort of parallel that I see between Peter and Sirius, of all people. Their lives were put on hold after James and Lily died -- Sirius because he went to prison and Peter because he became the Weasleys' pet rat. Whenever we see Wormtail in the books, there's always that cowering, fawning insecurity to him. I don't think he's stupid, it's just that he still processes events more like a teenager than a person in their mid-30's.

Snape is such a beautiful antagonist for any story. I hesitate to use the word "villain" because it's a loaded term, but he certainly counts from Wormtail's point of view. He hates everyone and unless he's addressing Voldemort he always has the snark turned up to 11. I liked allowing him to sort of lose his mind a bit at the end of this, dropping the mask of control and simply letting him indulge his need to make Wormtail suffer for what he did. I really liked present tense for this story because it adds to the air of mystery. Not even the narrative voice knows what's coming next.

I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it. Best of luck with your exams and thanks so much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #17, by TheHeirOfSlytherin Coal-black Eyes

14th January 2014:
Hey!

Snape definitely would have gotten vengeance of some sort for what Wormtail did to Lily. Now that I've read this, I can really see him doing something. I never really thought about it before, but the man who betrayed the woman he loved is in his house - he must have done something. I love the idea you went with here, it seems like a very Snape-like thing to do.

You write Snape so well; I'm still scared to try. And Pettigrew, being almost smug when he thinks he's got Snape where he wants him, I'm too used to seeing him as a spineless coward who does as he's told. I don't like smug Pettigrew. But it helped to get him to follow Snape's plan, so I'm also glad, as strange as that sounds (maybe I wanted him to be hurt... just a little).

I'm glad he's still effected by James and Lily's death; he's not allowed to make peace with that. I don't completely hate the guy, in that I don't deny his Marauderness and cut him out completely, but he still can't be okay now.

This was an amazing one-shot, Dan. I loved it. I'll be back for Detox and I can't wait to see more new work. :D

Sam.

Author's Response: Hi, Sam!

What an awesome surprise! I'm happy that you enjoyed it. I've had the idea kicking around in my head for a while now, and it felt good to get it out.

When Wormtail appeared at Snape's house in Spinner's End at the start of Half Blood Prince, one of the first things that occurred to me was how angry that must have made Snape. To be ordered to babysit the cowardly traitor who sold Lily out to the Dark Lord. I think it would be unreasonable to think that Snape *didn't* do something to Wormtail. But Snape being Snape, I'm sure that he was also methodical about covering his tracks. Hence the idea of this story.

You shouldn't be scared to write Snape. He isn't *that* intimidating. You just have to hate everyone and turn the snark up to 11. ;) Wormtail did get a little smug in the middle of the story. He really thinks he's done it, that he's beaten Snape. Little does he know...

I do think that Peter would have still been affected by the death that he caused **if it was starting him in the face.** That's a pretty important caveat, though. Under normal circumstances, I'm sure he just didn't think about it. Otherwise, it would have been hard for him to function.

Thanks so much for taking the time to read and review! I really appreciate it!


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