Reading Reviews for Rabbit Heart
  
201 Reviews Found

Review #1, by DaaOne 5. Distant Hearts

3rd August 2015:
Okay so I'm back for yet another review ! I promised myself to keep on reading but this is as far as I can go today ^^ I'll surely be back for another review tomorrow!

So, I love this interesting turn of events. I mean I felt there was something going on between Albus and Wren but to see them both struggling to understand their feelings for one another and to admit to it is just so accurate. It made me feel like I wanna tell them both you guys like each other just go for it. Uh I hate it when that happens.. It's so frustrating..

There was also the bunny connection to Wren. It's all very confusing. I'm sure there will be an explanation out there somewhere in your story but I can't wait to know what it is.. It's making me want to read more and that's a good thing.

I think you did a great job with all the details you described in your chapters prior to this one and it made everything very clear and I felt like I was living the moment and looking at Wren at Bunny at Albus and Rose and Scorpius.. It felt like I was there in the inn with Gran and Neville all grown up..

I just like what you did with the story and I'm so into it I could hardly see anything wrong with it, or the plot or the writing. I just love every bit of it ! It's amazing..

I will surely be back for more reviews !

Doe

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Review #2, by DaaOne 2. Trusting Hearts

3rd August 2015:
Hello there, this is DaaOne from the forums

I think you must hate me, I've taken so much time to post a review on your story, and I'm really sorry for that.. It's just that I'm a very slow reader when it comes to reading from the screen, and I've also been very busy at work..

So back to your story.

I was definitely devastated by the fact that Alice and Frank died and I felt my heart was gonna pop out of its place. It's a sad beginning to your story.

I came to love Wren and her hobby that is photography and for small creatures and it pained me that she had to be taken away from the place she loved the most. I felt sorry for her.. I felt sorry for the animals as well! You broke my heart in several moments of this story and I won't forgive you for that..

You have a great gift of description. I could feel all the details, the moving part, the lake, the surroundings of the lake, Albus Rose and Gran's expressions.. They were all very clear to me..

I also found the story with Dillon very very interesting. It made me feel like there was some kind of mystery to it. The little boy.. I wonder where his mother is. I wonder if he would actually go to Hogwarts.. There's something so strange about his character.. I can't tell what it is, I'm just intrigued.

I think your plot flows in a good pace. I didn't feel disconnected from the story. There wasn't a moment when I was like: "where does this detail fit exactly?" no.. It was perfectly written and I liked the whole thing. And I felt every bit of feelings you were trying to give here. I think this story has good flow and I definitely like it!

I hope I did get to every detail here and there in this review and I hope you won't have to wait long for the next review to be posted haha

Happy writing dear
Doe

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Review #3, by ScorpiusRose17 20. Tenderized Hearts

2nd August 2015:
Hi!

I am here with your review!! Sorry it took me a tad bit longer than usual. I have been spending some quality time with my family! :)

Chapter 16:Oh that James Potter is always one upping poor Albus, but not this time! Well played! I love the back and forth between the two brothers. It always leaves me guessing on what antics they will come up with next. Oh and Dillon... what a sneaky guy he is... he could give James a run for his money. I liked that we got to see him interact with more people even though he is the bad guy. You're really doing an awesome job on giving the readers a full picture of what he's like. I felt bad for Maude and Harold since they were innocent people left to his disposal.

Chapter 17: This was a really long chapter packed with a lot going on. See it isn't just the boys that are up to no good it's the girls too. I love how they interact with one another. Trudy is just too funny! I can also see here that Wren is starting to understand things more although in a subtle way, things are really starting to get to the breaking point with her. Dillon pops into her mind, Bunny is talking to her through her mind it's craziness. I truly feel for her. While they are in the library I am glad that Wren takes pictures. Maybe then someone will believe her about things especially that Rabbit who seems like a homicidal maniac. I am glad that Albus is there with her and that he believes her. I feel like they have so much more to talk about than the continuous conversation that they always seem to have with one another. Once Dillon is out of the picture maybe. While I was reading this I had a Mr. Weasley moment pop into my head... "Never trust something if you cannot see where it keeps its brain." This is so true with your story! Finally she wants to tell her dad! Ian Sloan is awful then again, he is also being controlled.

Chapter 18:I felt really bad for Professor Longbottom. He has to deal with a situation that cannot be easy for any parent. I loved how you played into his love for plants and made them come into the story line. It kept it real for me as I was picturing him pondering what exactly he needed to do. The descriptions are great throughout this chapter. I also loved how you played into his past about no one taking him seriously when they should have and how he feels torn between Teacher, Dad, listening because of past experience. You really know Neville and it shines through in this chapter! I do not know what exactly to make of the odd bunch of Ian, Madam Pince and Mister Summers. They just seem like the type of people to fold easier than others. Yeah Wren has been bitten by Bunny, but you don't see her mind bending at Dillon's will like you see these three. Rose was super snotty. I'm sorry it just seemed liked she rubbed Wren's face in not getting caught and really I know that Rose has tired of asking what is wrong, but she really needed to this time. I am super glad that Wren finally felt comfortable to start explaining herself to them though. That is a step in the right direction. But then Rose flips to honest to goodness friend. I am really curious about the end of this chapter. You have captured my mind with Smeed and Burns. I am excited and anxious to find out how they will play into Dillon and Hogwarts and Crazy rabbits.

Chapter 19: This chapter was simply wow! I like Nate and hope that there is more to him than just a friend of Wren's... maybe even another story down the road, but he seems way more interested in the on goings of Wren's life. Maybe it is just me. One thing I did notice in this chapter when Wren and Nate are talking about the photos... You had two different spellings here: McCormack and McCormick. I do like how Nate knows... just tell him already Wren! :) Thank goodness for Wren and her camera. I could only imagine how great these photos will be later on... Poor Scorpius with the hit heard round the world! Holy Cow Rose! Then you add Headmistress McGonagall in the mix... hahahahaha Crazy kids. I wonder if she is thinking about retiring because of the Wealey/Potter bunch. I was a tad upset with Albus in this chapter though. I thought that he was cold towards Wren. He is insecure obviously, but I thought he may have taken it a bit far. Wren is just trying to be the same type of good friend he is. Thank you Rose for admitting that you like Scorpius. She is an odd duck! Oh no! There here!!!

Chapter 20: I felt very on edge while reading this. I could definitely get a sense of Wren's feelings especially since where I live we are getting a really bad thunderstorm. It totally added to the anxiety. I feel bad that they still have to attend this obviously bogus detention. I do NOT want them to go into those pipes... I am not sure what they will find, but it didn't bode well for Albus' dad and uncle when they went into the pipes!! I am really glad that this chapter gives them some quality time to talk even though they have to be in the pipes and cleaning and now are getting attacked by evil furballs! My goodness! They are just vicious little demons! Oh no!! Albus was bitten and now he's fainting! Good thing Wren was there. I do NOT trust Madam Pince!! I am nervous for Albus and Wren and of course everyone else.

These chapters were great. I didn't see any problems with the pace or flow and was able to keep track of what was going on. I also didn't see anything I would normally point out except the McCormack/McCormick thing. I really enjoyed the characterizations and seeing how they have all evolved as the story has continued and I really liked the descriptions. I felt as if I was there right beside the character going through the same feelings and motions they were.

Thank you so much for sharing and I cannot wait to read more!!

-Jenn

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Review #4, by AlexFan 1. Have a Heart

31st July 2015:
The summary for your story sounds so incredibly dark I didnít expect such a rather, I guess, happy, beginning to it. Iím going to have to prepare myself for how dark things are going to get in this story arenít I?

I liked the air of mystery to the story. Iíd get so excited when Wren started thinking about something that sounded really interesting and then she would stop herself. I like it because it keeps me reading to see if Iíll find out what she stopped herself from thinking about or figuring out what she saw.

James doesnít have much to say or do in this chapter but I already like him as a character, there was just something about that comment about the funeral being nice that just really cemented my fondness for him. I hope he has a bigger role later on in the story, he seems like the kind of character to always keep things interesting. Speaking of which, whose funeral was it. It mustíve been someone that Gran was extremely close with for her to be going to such extreme lengths? Was it Nevilleís parents? Did they die? AND WHAT IS THIS MYSTERIOUS BALL OF LIGHT THAT TOOK THE BABY BUNNY FROM THE BUSH! So many questions, not enough answers.

I liked the amount of detail that you included in the story, especially in the second half of it because it fits in with what Wren must be feeling about leaving her home. Itís like sheís paying attention to every detail so that she can remember it forever in her new home. Some sections have more description than others, almost as if certain parts of the house is dearer to her than other parts.

All in all I really liked this first chapter, it was really interesting.

Author's Response:

Hi!

Hmm... I don't consider the beginning to be particularly happy, but yes, the story does get darker as we go.

Hey, I'm glad you liked the first glimpse of James. He's definitely one to keep things interesting and he will have a recurring role in the story, so I hope you like what I've done with him.


I've been meaning to add a bit of clarity to who died in this chapter, just a touch of it, but I haven't decided exactly how to do it yet. It's fully addressed in chapter two, so hopefully that will be enough for you.

And yes, the ball of light! That's onwards as well.

Thanks for the review on my first chapter.

Pix


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Review #5, by Gabriella Hunter 3. Cold Toes, Warm Heart

30th July 2015:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums dropping by with this belated swap! I thought that I would have more time to get to this but apparently, real life had other plans. >:(

This bunny is spooking me out. I have no idea where you're going with this or what it might actually be but I kind of just want to take that bunny and place it back into the abyss. I can't believe that Wren's life has been spiraling so out of notice like this, I knew from the very first paragraph that something was a little off. The fact that she spends so much time with the Bunny (I feel like this needs to be capitalized to emphasize its creepy factor) and doesn't even know where the days has gone is worrying. Her hair has grown, she's neglected her friends and she has run out of film?! Madness. I don't know what's going on but that stack of unopened letters was warning sign for me. It didn't seem like Wren to NOT read her letters and I don't know...the Bunny is freaking me out. The flashes of the cottage and the fact that this might be the same bunny that she helped a while back just makes me shiver. Is it like...a ghost? A zombie? A spy for the National Order of Woodland Creatures?

Gah!

I like that Wren's so out of touch with her own life that she nearly forgot about her birthday party. I also think that it's so cute how her feelings for Albus are changing (And apparently she talks to the Bunny a lot about this, well the letters anyway.) but also very realistic that she doesn't know what to do about it. The physical changes that came along with seeing Albus after so long (Six weeks?!) were spot on.

Wren has to look UP at him now and there's an aura of something about them that she doesn't have a name for. I'd really love to see this developed more but for the time being...what on earth is going on with her? The flashbacks or images of the cottage, the weakness and shortness of breath are all concerning. I'm seriously trying to figure this story out and I'm having a tough time of it, which is just fantastic. Hahahaha.

Thanks for the great chapter!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response:

Hi Gabbie!

Yes, time. Keeps on ticking... I hate that about time.

You brought up several things that made me very happy. The hair growing and the letters were both additions during the revision.. actually, Wren's hair grew before, but I hadn't put any emphasis on it before. And I shifted the time element around here too, which you wouldn't have known about. Anyway, your comments make me feel like it was a good change, since you highlighted the things that I wanted people to see. :)

Bunny: international spy for the National Order of Woodland Creatures. That's my next novel. lol.

I've gotten several comments on both sides of the fence over six weeks of rapid growth. I'm with you. If you've ever seen this happen, it's weird and freaks everybody out, and from talking to people who've experienced it, it's painful too. I'm glad you felt that it was spot on.


Lots of things to be concerned about with Wren. There's a lot going on, and it takes a little while for the characters to catch on to things. Thanks for your lovely review! We should swap again sometime!

Pix


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Review #6, by ScorpiusRose17 15. Heart Tracks

30th July 2015:
Hi there! I am here again with another grouped chapter review for you!!

Chapter 11: I really enjoyed this chapter! I was able to get more of a sense of who Nate was as a character. Although, I am not sure where his character is going to play into this yet, I am really enjoying him as a character! I really liked how they went into more detail about vampires. :) I was able to understand a lot more the direction that you are taking here not that it wasn't already clear from previous chapters. I was once again annoyed at Rose's need to over do or fix and fit together attitude at the Book Club. It bothered me that her and Callie wouldn't let Wren be Wren. Then again... little do Rose and Callie know the importance of what the dressed her up as. Very clever piece of foreshadowing here! That also helped quell my annoyance with them. Oh and James... that James Potter and his sneaky take the Map back! Hahahahaha! Madam Pince... she is an odd duck!

Chapter 12: Poor Wren! She is really down for the count in the beginning of this chapter, but she asks about Albus' rabbit. I love it when he responds with "the Rabbit" as its name! :) I wish he could just get up the nerve to just ask her out already. I feel bad that he always seems to end up in these awkward positions all the time with her. I mean yeah I know he is her friend and everything and that is what friends do, but he just needs to ask her! Yeah Rabbits and the ability to apparate. I will tell you that you have truly made this a joy to read! Once I think I have one thing figured out, there is the curve ball that changes my thinking entirely. Well done! I loved how Albus is tallying the amount of days too. Poor Mr. Summers... he was the most unsuspecting victim to Madam Pince... not what you would expect either. I am scared at what they are plotting!

Chapter 13: I LOVED this chapter!! I have been super curious about Smeed and now getting to see his character development in a chapter was great! You did an awesome job. I really enjoyed the banter between him and Burns and the mystery that surrounds them! I also liked how the chapter focuses back on Wren and the outcome of the drink she had. Although, it does lead the others to completely think it is James' fault when it isn't. That evil bunny!!

Chapter 14: I really like how this started off with Rose plotting and how you mention that when she plots, she cleans. Sounds exactly like me when I am angry I clean so I was excited to make a connection with her! I also really like how Trudy is one of those people that will just say what is on everyone elses mind or so that is how she appears to me. It helps to balance out Rose and Callie in my opinion. Also... "your rabbit snores!" I seriously laughed WAY more than I should of at this, but I couldn't help it!! :) Oh the on again off again between Scorpius and Albus against James. Those girls... fangirls... I really wish Albus would tell them off... or maybe Trudy!!

Chapter 15: There is a lot of confusion on Wren's part in the beginning of this chapter. I know it is intentional, but I feel bad that she has suffered without really knowing she is suffering or that the bunny and Dillon are behind it all. I was super excited that she decided to actually do the photos and that she actually showed up to do them instead of staying with Bunny, but there he is under the stands. I like that the Weasley/Potter clan are sporadically strewn about in different houses. It makes the story seem more realistic especially after the war that they would end up in a mixture of places. I am interested to see what happens with her shots because of Bunny too. If she got them or if this is going to add to more of the building issues she is having because of what is going on. Albus... poor poor Albus! James is so sneaky and rotten! Hahahahaha!! :)

Over all... I loved these chapters and I thought you did a great job making sure that everything was concise and not confusing. I also want you to know that I enjoy your descriptions. I always feel like I am there with the characters as I read the story. I didn't find anything out of place, misspelled or confusing!! The plot is really in full swing and I am excited to find out what happens next!

Keep up the awesome job!!
-ScorpiusRose17

Author's Response:

Hi again! I am really loving the summary review style here. I should ask for this more often. :)

Chapter 11: Yes to the foreshadowing, and boo on Rose and Callie for adding some distress to Wren's life when she has so much going on, but that's what you get when you choose not to open up to your friends. James has too much fun sometimes, I think. And yeah, Madame Pince. She's not quite right here.

Chapter 12: Ah, well. Albus is always searching for the right time with Wren. Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be one. He really doesn't know what to do with himself here. I tried to keep things rather unexpected, so I'm glad that's working for you here. :)

Chapter 13: I had this weird thought a little while ago that I should just scrap this whole teen thing and start over with Smeed's story, because he's incredibly interesting to me as well. But then all the HP elements of the story would be lost, and there'd be no one in Hogwarts to balance out the plot... maybe one day I'll play with him more, give him his own story or something.

Chapter 14: I like Trudy for that exact reason. It's also probably the same reason she's not close to the other girls like she could be. And yeah, Trudy would take care of those fangirls in a heartbeat if she put her mind to it.

Chapter 15: Wren's not completely aware of her situation yet, that's true, but she's getting there. I hated drawing it out, but there was this plot that I had to follow to make it all work out. I thought so too about all the relatives being scattered throughout the different Houses. I mean, sure, they might all be in the same House, but I'd figure that they'd all have different traits, so it would make sense to diversify. Also, since it's mostly Wren's story, I didn't have the focus on that family so I wanted there to be some distance between them too. James is sneaky AND rotten. Boo on James!

Oh, I am happy to hear that you weren't confused by anything. I sometimes struggle with clarity, especially since this plot got so crazy when I was writing it. My brain kept wanting to add "one more thing", and it got really hard to handle there for a while.

Thanks for another great set of reviews! I really appreciate this!

Pix



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Review #7, by cherry_pop94 2. Trusting Hearts

30th July 2015:
Hello Pix,

I'm back for another review!

I really liked this chapter. All the prose flowed into the dialogue well and the settings were all very vivid and well done.

This new character Dillon is really interesting! There's something quite odd about him, isn't there? From meeting him, we see that Wren is very trusting. Dillon's clearly a bit strange, even though he is a child. I wonder what he means all those strange thoughts he had and his missing Hogwarts letter. Something tells me that he's perhaps not totally human?

I don't have much concrit for this one. I thought it was really well done and a great introduction for Dillon. We also got to know Wren a little better and we understand Augusta's condition now (heartbreaking stuff there!)

I would say though, and this is just a little note, but in the beginning, you use some exclamation points in the prose. This is just a weird nit pick of mine, but I feel like exclamation point and colloquialisms sound a little strange in this style of writing.

Still, I thought this was a really marvelous chapter and you've really got me curious as to what happens next!

Stefanie

Author's Response:
Hi again!

Dillon is one of the most interesting characters in the story, I think. There IS something odd about him, and Wren has this tendency to want to help. Presenting her with someone who looks lost and lonely just makes her want to help him so much. Perhaps he isn't human, like you said...

Oh, haha. I have a character that can't help himself with the colloquialisms in this story. You haven't met him yet, but he's understandably annoying. But all his stuff is in dialog, so I'll take a look at the prose and see what's going on there.

Thanks so much for coming back!

Pix


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Review #8, by cherry_pop94 1. Have a Heart

29th July 2015:
Hi!

I'm here for the review you requested. Sorry it's taken me so long to get here! I'm trying to be more speedy with my thread, but real life just keeps getting in the way!

I think I'll probably try to leave a review for every chapter or every other chapter, as it helps me keep track of my thoughts on everything. I hope that's alright with you!

I'm very curious to see where this goes as your description is much, much darker than this first chapter would imply. I think that's an interesting thing to do - start of this story in an almost light spot. Obviously, Wren is quite distraught from moving, but nothing here has suggested life or death yet...

Wren's emotions about moving are also really well done. I've moved more times than I care to remember in both my childhood and adult life, so I know the feeling well. I've never been quite as emotional as Wren, since it happened to me often, but her feelings are very relatable and feel real. So that's something you've done here really well.

For a first chapter though, I felt a little bogged down by dialogue and breaks in the writing. Having three sections here felt a little overwhelming for me.

That would be my only comment on this so far. I think this is a really promising start and I will definitely get to the next chapters soon!

Stefanie

Author's Response:

Hi Stefanie!

Thanks for doing this review for me. First chapters are HARD. I always end up rewriting them when I'm done with the story. I rewrote this one, and a lot of the changes paid off. This story has a lot of elements to it, and things can get a bit overwhelming, especially for the characters. It's difficult to balance that, because I don't want the reader overwhelmed as well.

I completely understand about RL, so no worries if you were delayed. That's just the way things go. And you can leave as many reviews as you want, I don't mind at all! :)

I'm glad Wren's emotions feel real and she's not overdoing it. When someone moves for the first time, it can be overwhelming.

I'll take a look at the things you mentioned and see if they need adjusting. Thanks for your additional pm answering my questions about your feedback. I appreciate that.

Thanks for the review! I truly appreciate all of your comments!

Pix


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Review #9, by ScorpiusRose17 10. Losing Heart

28th July 2015:
Hi!!

I am here again with another five chapter review for you!!

Chapter 6: I will admit that this chapter had me laughing so hard that my own kids were yelling at me to quiet down!! Poor Scorpius! That rabbit is just one crazy mean fluff ball! Wren is still oblivious that something is happening to her and that the rabbit is the cause well partially. The rabbit is just the puppet while the puppeteer is making his way there. That sneaky Dillon! I like the descriptions of their dorm and that each of them personally puts their own touch on their space of the room. I really would like to see Wren take the photograph job for the Quidditch teams. I think she would be excellent at this! Rose kind of bugs me in a way how she goes about doing things without even telling the person they involve. Her heart is in the right place, but that girls mind is in overdrive. (Not in a bad way!) I felt so bad for Hannah when Augusta was with it. I know what it is like to only get bits and pieces of the true person that a condition has taken over and this broke my heart a bit! Then there is the creepy guy at the Inn that Hannah hired...weird. I have a funny feeling that there is more to what meets the eye with him. He seems to know more than he shows... I guess we shall see.

Chapter 7: I liked that the day started off well for Wren, but that evil rabbit keeps getting in the way! The recurrence of the rabbit really reminds me a lot of OotP. When Harry is always trying to do something and Umbridge constantly throws up as many roadblocks as she can. When I read about the rabbits I sort of hear that little annoying cough Umbridge would do to announce herself or that she wanted to interrupt to hear herself speak! This is curious with her not being able to perform the magic like she use too. I am curious to see what happens from here with it. Awe...poor Rose... undetermined points... and yes, she totally fancies Scorpius. ;) The new guy Mister Summers is quite interesting. I like his response when Ian and Charles give him a rough time for also being a janitor... Take that you know it all Ravenclaws! I still really enjoy the banter between the groups as well and this new guy Nate has me curious. Dillon... there he is... that bad vibe I had earlier is only getting worse towards him.

Chapter 8: Oh Albus... I love how he is determined to get even with James and how he has Scorpius there to help him. James better watch himself! I also really liked the cleverness with the shoe communicators while stinky it proved helpful. I feel really bad for Albus in this chapter because here he has the chance to talk to Wren and again she is in a trance. All the while I am sitting here reading going "Ask her! Ask her!" "Wren, put down that darn rabbit and listen!" He just comes off in this chapter as really defeated and I cannot blame him. Oh and a HUGE win for Albus by actually getting the Marauder's Map! Poor James shouldn't have a moments peace now with it in his hands!! :) I am also happy to see Wren interested in something other than Bunny and going to develop the photos.

Chapter 9: This chapter was really hard for me to read. Not because it wasn't written well or poorly explained, but because I can relate to Wren and the entire ward on a personal level. You did a great job handling a tough subject that many find difficult and unwelcoming to write. I found it especially hard with the words irreversible and condition unchanged. I did like Albus' jokes they were a hoot! Hahaha! :) I feel that Hannah and Wren really needed the moment in the kitchen together. Wren really needed to let it out and Hannah really needed to stand there and hear it. She is right Wren doesn't understand, but any 16 year old will adamantly tell you they do. I saw Wren grow as a character in this chapter a lot especially by the end. Oh and Smeed has something up his sleeve!

Chapter 10: This chapter I started reading just like the others and not giving a second thought about anything else until it popped into my head what Dillon is. Then I started back tracking in my mind and putting all the little details together. I won't post it in the review because I don't want to ruin it for anyone else, but I will say this... well played! I am happy to see Wren normally now instead of being absorbed by Bunnies trance and that Dillon cannot enter her mind. I'm watching you Dillon! Poor Rose! She just cannot catch a break with the points! I am so very happy to see Albus actually stand up and walk over to Wren... I wasn't expecting him to say what he does once they are alone. Sheesh Albus... you had the perfect chance... It will happen. ;) Oh Madam Pince... what did you do to deserve this treatment by a rabbit!? Hahahaha wow... there's the twist...

Again, overall you did an awesome job. I'm in love with your characters...well not so much Dillon, but I shouldn't be should I? I also liked how you handled the tougher situations that came up in these chapters and that they were handled in a way that could make someone like myself relate, but not upset because it was done so carefully. I really appreciate that. I did find a couple of things that were confusing... Chapter 8: The tool shed was originally behind Greenhouse Two then jumped to behind Greenhouse Three. Chapter 10: I am not 100% on if this really needs to be changed, but here is what I found: When Dillon is thinking about his Mum... "She'd sent those letters about him..." She'd send... she'd sent... it was confusing for me. Other than those two spots, I saw nothing else. I really enjoyed these five chapters and look forward to your rerequest for the next five!!

Sorry it took me longer to review these chapters. I had to deal with some family things that were thrown into the mix of life with kids. :)

-ScorpiusRose17

Author's Response:

Hi again!

These are really great reviews. They give me just enough detail and impression and stuff. Thank you! Don't worry about the family delay. I have those all the time.

Ah, chapter six was fun to write. I'm glad you appreciate the way I write Scorpius, and yes, Rose bugs me too. I can't have her be too sympathetic, or Wren would have more of a friend to lean on. For the purpose of story, I needed Wren to be alone, but not really alone, if you know what I mean.

In chapter seven, it is interesting that you drew a parallel between the way Bunny interrupts and the way that Umbridge is always "there". That's pretty neat, and we'll just pretend I did that on purpose. :P Rose has a hard head. She's not going to go down without a fight. I'm debating on whether this chapter was paced too quickly. If you felt any of that, please let me know. Thanks!

I loved the shoe thing in chapter eight. It was really fun to do that, and also gave Albus something else to do than pine away for Wren, something he does a lot and I was sort of getting sick over. But I hope it all balances out in the end. I'm glad you picked up on his defeated mood. He can't keep this up forever if he gets nothing for it.

Chapter nine had some heavy stuff in it. Thanks for letting me know that it wasn't too much. It just adds to everything else that Wren has to deal with, and she's already not doing so well. I'm glad you saw some character growth out of her at the end of this chapter. Still, she's got a long ways to go.

Ah, and yes, chapter ten has some not so subtle information about Dillon finally. I'm going to pretend that you put the pieces together and congratulate you for your observations. I had in my head the way that I wanted the story mechanics to work, and they ended up being really complex, because RABBIT. But I think I made it work. Let me know if things get confusing.

Thanks for catching the small slips. All these words, and I can hardly keep everything straight in my head. Seriously, every time I want to find something in my story I have to refer to my outline because I can't remember where anything is. Argh! I think I need to write shorter stories.

Thanks so much for the review! I shall re-request again soon.

Pix


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Review #10, by TreacleTart 6. Big as Hearts

28th July 2015:
Hey Pix!

I'm here for our review swap!

Geez. Never did I think bunnies would seem so ominous. First one attacks Scorpius and manages to withstand a stunning charm. Then Wren's bunny starts glowing and disappears, which seems to cause her to go mental. I have a feeling that there's something very sinister at play here. I knew that little boy was super creepy.

Speaking of Wren's attachment to her bunny, it seems to have passed normal behavior. I mean I know it's cute and fluffy and what not, but she seems almost borderline obsessed with it. I have to wonder if the little boy had put some sort of spell on them. Very curious.

I was so pleased to see Augusta regain some lucidity. It's so sad to think of such a strong woman declining into dementia. I'm not surprised that she's recovering though. She seems like she's the type that's so stubborn she'll just will herself to get better.

Ooh. And now a mysterious stranger named Smeed shows up. That name alone screams evil to me. It sort of makes me think of Smeagol from LOTR. Now, I have a hunch that this tall stranger might actually be the little, creepy boy in disguise. I don't know why and perhaps I'm being paranoid, but either it's him or they're somehow working together. I guess I'll have to read on to find out.

Anyway, I know you wanted a bit of feedback on the story as a whole, so let me give you a bit of an overall on what I've read so far. I think you've got a really interesting plot and your main characters seem very well thought out and developed. I liked Wren immediately. Some of the secondary characters like Callie and Trudie fall a little flat for me at this point, but I think it's just that I'm only seeing little snippets of them at a time. Perhaps as the story progresses I'll get a better feel for who they are. As always, your writing is very smooth and easy to follow. For example, this chapter is almost 6,000 words, but it doesn't feel like it. It feels easy and enjoyable to read.

Good job Pix! I'll be back to read more as soon as I can.

~Kaitlin

Author's Response:

Hi Kaitlin! How's the review-a-thon going?

You are correct to suspect that things are not well with Wren and her rabbit. Things are actually spinning out of control over the next few chapters. I can't wait!

I agree with you. Augusta seems like the kind of person who can will just about anything into being. Go Gran!

Ah, haha! If you like the name "Smeed", just wait until you meet his friend. :P

Callie and Trudy don't have huge parts in the story, but they do get more screen time later. Hopefully it will be enough to flesh them out for you. You'll have to let me know later if that is enough. I'm glad things are still smooth and you're not bogged down by the words.

Thanks for stopping by!

Pix


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Review #11, by tangledconstellations 1. Have a Heart

28th July 2015:
Hey there!

I'm popping over with your requested review from the forums ♥

So I've never actually come across this story before, so it was really exciting approaching this first chapter with totally fresh eyes, as I really didn't know what to expect. Lots of things grabbed my attention: the title, the banner, the names of the chapters. Instantly, this fic felt cohesive and well put together, and that was even before I started reading the first chapter! The reason I mention this is because I thought it was interesting that one of your areas of concern was that cohesion was what your fic was lacking. I totally know what you mean when you've edited a story lots and you're familiar with how the story unravels in your mind but you're unsure whether the reader will follow it too. It suddenly gets really difficult trying to make sure things do make sense! But - in this first chapter alone (as I've yet to read on) - things were really clear. I hope I can put your mind at ease a little about that! This was a really strong start to your fic and for me - a new reader! - I feel confident in what you've shared in this chapter so far.

Okay, I'll go into some more detail. I really liked the way you introduced your characters and the way this doesn't come across as an average happy-cheery Next-Gen fic. Your own style is present throughout all of this and it's really great to recognise, especially so early on into a fic. In my opinion, that's the mark of a really good writer - they're able to make their story their own! The way you set up the backdrop to this fic was nice. The fact that you haven't said outright what situation Wren is in and it's sort of drip-fed throughout the chapter is really effective, as that sets up the pace of the fic and thus the tone - which again is accentuated through your writing itself (the lovely way you linger on descriptions, you describe things so clearly, things like that). You didn't force any information on the reader, you didn't info-dump anywhere - everything felt balanced and in a way your voice as the writer was the one that was very much in control.

What's really nice is the way a relationship between the reader and your characters (though mainly Wren - as she is the mc) is already solidified by the end of this chapter. We understand what kind of person she is, her interests (photography, yay! I loved that, btw! It wasn't just thrown in for the heck of it - you somehow managed to convince me that she has the absolute psyche of a photographer!), her friendships, the sorts of ways she thinks. We got to see her having fun but we also saw a more tender side - how she is when she's upset, and the things that are currently making her upset. That all contributed to the readers understanding of the story. The same could be said for Albus too to some extent - we were able to see a lot of him, and so understood their relationship a lot better. I like the way he's a little aloof and a bit clumsy (perhaps not actually clumsy, but in his demeanour, if you know what I mean?), but he's really well-meaning. He feels really fresh!

The story itself (so far) is really interesting. Although you haven't revealed lots and lots just yet, you have given me enough to keep me keen on reading more. I feel like I want to know what's going on with Wren's grandmother - I want to understand this family difficulty that's arising. I also feel so bad for Wren moving out of her house - it's funny, I'm moving out of my flat this weekend and it's so sad, but it means I'm able to fully understand how she's feeling right now! But yes, you've balanced the plot and intrigue just-so here. Especially those final short paragraphs! I thought that was awesome, with the little rabbit disappearing. In a way, it was a very out-of-the-blue thing to happen, but I liked it. It made me think of Alice in Wonderland - and now I'm wondering how strange things might get for Wren. So at this point I have a lot of questions, but I also feel sufficiently satisfied with the info you have given me, if that makes sense. I feel quite on-the-ball with this fic and don't feel as though there is anything in particular that has left me confused. I'm excited for where this story is going to go - and just, yes, everything was clear to me here :)

I really really do hope I was able to address your main concerns here! I thought this was a fantastic first chapter and it seems your rewrite must have been successful as this was a brilliant read. Let me know if there is anything you want me to go into more detail about - but honestly, this was great. You've got such a lovely writing style and to me this chapter feels very strong. Brilliant stuff :)

Laura xxx

Author's Response:

Wow. Thanks for being so detailed with your thoughts. This helps a lot. And yay, I have a voice! That was a difficulty I kept having throughout this fic. I kept losing the voice and had to rediscover it several times. Actually, I don't know what the style is called for this story, but I hope it's consistent in any case. It should be after the revision.

Yes, Wren is a photographer by nature. I did that on purpose to explore the descriptiveness that she seems to crave, so I'm pleased that aspect worked for you. She frames things and she hyperfocuses sometimes, and both of those things are important.

Albus is supposed to be a sweet thing. I'm happy he feels 'fresh' to you, because he does take regular showers, unlike some boys his age. And I imagine that he uses deoderant. That is important at this age: the hygiene. Anyway, yeah, Albus.

Thanks for reassuring me about the first chapter. I'm happy it reads well and things are clear with the characters. Having questions but still being satisfied with the chapter is a good thing. I don't like to tease unnecessarily. :)

Pix



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Review #12, by Roisin 8. Hearts and Spades

27th July 2015:
I was on your page and all, so I thought I'd get more rabbit :)

Oh man shoe-communicators! Ah! That was brilliant and fun to read :D

AHA! So it seems like, from what you have here, that Albus hasn't been bitten by the bunny yet, so it hasn't been able to put him in a bunny-trance thing? That's at least my guess for why he's still normal right now.

Wren's weirdness is brilliantly played in this sequence. Just strange enough to make Albus feel awkward and confused, but not so strange that he gets suspicious and thinks something's up. And his preoccupation with his crush on her sets a believable distraction from what might be going on with her--since he's more worried about what she feels about him than what she's feeling more generally.

'Merry Merfolk' is BRILL by the way!

The descriptions throughout this chapter are really ace :) I especially love all the detail about the darkroom. You do a great job of making it realistic yet magical.

'She didn't think such a little animal could jump that high or move that fast'--oof. She's reflecting on this as though it's cute, but it does NOT BODE WELL, METHINKS.

Also, I really commend you on making the last lines of the chapter super creepy and scary, even though ostensibly, you're only describing cuteness.

Man, this really is kind of a perfect story. Every single element is so well done--the writing is balanced and flawless, the characters are compelling, and the tone is amazing.

Author's Response:

More Rabbit!

I could not pass up on the shoe communicator thing. It's a thing. I had to do it.

That's absolutely correct. There are bites and then things go bad. Albus was intentionally careful about that sort of thing, since his rabbit was already hostile when he got him.

I am so glad that Wren's behavior makes sense in that scene. It was revised to tighten it up, and I think it portrays what's going on much clearer, along with giving Albus a reason not to delve to deeply into what's going on with her. Pleased, I am!

Haha, fun names!

Well of course it's a cute bunny, how could you suspect anything else? Oh, but I think I've just found my new tag line for this: what do you think about "cuteness kills" ? I may have to use that somewhere... *thinks dark thoughts*

Aww, thanks! I worked hard on bringing the elements together to make this what it is. My muse rebelled so hard against the fluff content of this, and looking back on it, there really isn't THAT much fluff going on, but still.

My brain and I have this endless loop of a conversation all the time:

"Stop with the cute fluffy stuff, it makes me sick."

"But I like cute fluffy stuff."

"No, you don't."

"Yes, yes I do. Like with chocolate and marshmallows, and fluff..."

"Chocolate is an essential nutrient. And marshmallows, we just won't talk about those... stop it, you're embarrassing me!"

Ahh, maybe I'm not allergic to angst as I first thought. Maybe I'm allergic to FLUFF??!? Oh, the horror!!

Anyway, tone. I'm glad you're enjoying the tone. It gave me fits, not wanting to present itself for a while, and a few times I thought I had lost it, along with my mind. But that's all over with. I'm all better, and so is the tone. :) Thanks!

Pix


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Review #13, by ScorpiusRose17 5. Distant Hearts

26th July 2015:
Hi there! I am here with your review!! I have read the first five chapters and I want to start off by saying that this is truly well written. I loved how full the story is and its twists and turns.

In Chapter 1 I felt awful for Wren for having to leave the only home she has known. I remember feeling the same way when I was younger and thought you did a great job of portraying those emotions. A couple of things I did notice in that chapter were these: When Hannah is talking to Wren about going to see Gran... "Neville and I are going to see Gran." If she is talking to Wren then wouldn't it be "Dad and I are going to see Gran" ? Also, I ran into some confusion about when Hannah was talking to Ginny just before Wren says she wants to go see Gran and that her friends will be alright the sentence says..."Well I can't say I was expecting this..." It almost seems like Hannah was trying to say that she was expecting it, but I was confused so I figured I would bring it up.

As for Chapter 2, I really liked this chapter as well. We find out more about what the Longbottoms are going through, what Wren is dealing with,and what poor Gran is dealing with. I will be entirely honest when I say that I didn't realize that Frank and Alice's funerals were what happened in the first chapter when James says "Nice funeral Mrs. L." We are introduced to Dillon in this chapter and I must say that I got a really funny feeling about this guy as soon as she started to walk across the street to him. And he just happened to be carrying a basket full of bunnies around with him...I will tell you right now I was so relieved when I found out they were bunnies because my mind totally thought it was worse than that. Wren does show a bit of naivety when it comes to this boy. The whole thing screams don't and she totally goes for it. I am not sure where this is headed, but I am biting my nails.

Chapter 3: This was the chapter of flying time. I have it out for this bunny...he is pulling some weird things here. I love all the twists you've taken the time to evolve and develop. This time warp is a bit confusing at first because it sort of throws you off guard. Like how could that happen? I also really enjoyed Nellie. She was fun and sassy. I loved her honesty! Even at Wren's expense it was nice to see that someone was watching out for Wren. I felt so awful for Albus! He just wants to be with her and she isn't catching on.

Chapter 4: I liked seeing all of the personalities of her friends and the internal struggle of Albus and his feelings. Poor guy! I also really enjoyed how Albus was determined to not allow James continue to jinx him. James... yeah he's awesome! :) I almost wish Wren would voice her feelings the tension between her and Albus is insane at how it comes through a computer screen. One spot I did notice in the ice cream shop and talking about Lily not coming you had a confusing sentence... "Even thought she got along with Wren" Did you mean 'Even though she got along with Wren...' ? Other than that I didn't see anything else confusing.

Chapter 5: James is taking a bunny home to Albus... Oh my! This Dillon guy has me on the edge of my seat with how he is acting and giving out magic mind tricking bunnies to random people...this cannot be good. I am glad that Wren got more photo stuff for her birthday too and she took advantage in checking Albus out! Hahahaha!

Overall, awesome story so far! I love how cohesive the story is the only couple of confusing things I felt were really not knowing who the funeral was for in the first chapter, but you did find out in the second one. Other than that and the sentences that were confusing were truly it. I love the characters, their banter and the way they carry on. I am worried about this Dillon guy and his bunnies and Hogwarts. The suspense is intense!

Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to read and review your story! Please stop by the thread and request for the next five chapters!! :)
That way I can keep track easier!

-ScorpiusRose17

Author's Response: Hi!

Thanks so much for doing this sweeping review thing. It really helps when someone reads a few chapters before commenting, because I get a sense for how things are playing out in the story better.

Ack! I'll squash that typo straight away. Thanks for pointing that out to me!

I can see how a word tweak would smooth over Hannah's part in chapter one. That makes sense. I've gotten comments on the confusion between Gran and Frank and Alice before, but I think for now I will leave it since you seem to be clear in chapter two. If I figure out how to give a short shout out to it in chapter one, I'll go back later and add it in. Hehe, bunnies! Because bunnies aren't dangerous at all...

Ah yes, another typo, but at least that's an easy fix. I'm glad you like these characters and you have the right vibe about Dillon. I would love to stop by for another set of chapters.

Thanks again!

Pix


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Review #14, by RavenclawFTW 28. Reflections of the Heart

26th July 2015:
Hey! I'm here for the requested review. So I read through the whole story (well, everything that you've posted), and it was phenomenal. Seriously, one of the best, most thought-out, well-written stories I've read on the archives. You asked to see if there were confusing elements and if the plot made sense. I thought the plot was incredibly well-done and drawn out, with a great balance of suspense, foreshadowing, and reveal. The details all fell into place over time, and you did a great job not just thinking up an intriguing and interesting plot, but putting that plot into the story with your hints and descriptions. I love how you use POV to switch around and reveal what's going on, but without explicitly stating everything outright. You leave some of it up to the readers to understand it and put everything together.

That being said, there were a few issues that stuck out to me so I'd like to highlight them now. I do this because otherwise the story was so compelling and tight, and I hope it doesn't seem overly critical. I was really caught up in the story myself, but a few tiny things stuck out to me.

I think Wren is a wonderful character, and she's definitely well defined throughout. That said, throughout the story, I felt myself wishing that I knew more about what she was like before this whole bunny business began (that was a lot of fun to type hahaha). You have other characters say things along the lines of "Wren is acting funky, not like how she used to be" and some overarching descriptions of ways she's changed, but I wish I could see more about that. I don't know the best way to do that, because including memories can be awkward to work in, but I felt like there was a lot of people just stating what she was like before this without really fleshing that out or showing the reader what that means. This feels especially true of her relationship with Albus to me, although Wren does talk a bit about topics she brought up with him (eg her fear of zombies). As a reader, I felt like I was being consistently reminded that they want it to be like how they were before everything, but I didn't feel like I had a very clear sense of what that really meant. It would've helped me contextualize the effect of Bunny on her.

Going off of that, it seemed odd that Rose wasn't more concerned about Wren this whole time. She repeatedly insists that she's Wren's best friend, but she seems more boy obsessed than worried about her friend, and then acts offended that Wren didn't talk to her. Albus took her odd behavior more seriously and it made me wonder a lot about Rose's character. She just comes off a tiny bit self-absorbed, but maybe that's what you were going for. It made me a bit confused about her relationship with Wren, though.

Something else I felt a little unclear on was how much time has passed in this story at all. The summer obviously flies by Wren very quickly, but I was often confused by how much of the school year has happened. There was a reference to canceling the November Hogsmeade trip, so it's before November, but throughout the story I was pretty confused by the passage of time, especially because it seems like there are few references to their school commitments beside the history classes (and some Charms mentions). I think if you included a few references more explicitly that could be helpful (I know there are oblique references, like how the practice sneaks up on Wren and how she goes home several times, but those are woven into the story so that they didn't stick out much as I tried to understand the setting at the beginning of sections).

Moving right along...I am very confused by James and Albus's relationship. Maybe this is something that you'll go into in further depth in the coming chapters, but as a reader, I was very, very frustrated by James's behavior because it felt cruel rather than amusing. Everybody seems to think highly of James and are surprised by his actions towards Albus, and I didn't really feel like there were clear motives for his actions/changed behavior. It seems like somebody would have intervened given his actions (and I know Albus says his charms wear off before he can show them to somebody, but it seems like the persistence of his actions should eventually catch up to him?). I dunno, it's hard for me to believe that he's nice/kind/good given how outright cruel his actions towards Al are, and how many precautions Al takes to fight back.

I was also quite thrown by everybody's reactions towards Al and Wren being out after curfew. Given how safe the Wizarding World seems to be after the Wars, it seems like many students would take the rules lightly and curfew wouldn't be that big of a deal to break. It felt a little confusing that everybody was so intense about it and that it earned three detentions. Maybe that's more to do with my own interpretations/head canons, but that just felt a severe overreaction, especially because it's Wren's first infraction and they weren't caught out of bounds or anything (like out on the grounds or something). That all just felt a little weird and off when I was reading through it.

Other small things.in the last chapter, James used a stunning spell. In canon, that knocks a person out, rather than pinning them to floor as Al was. In this chapter, during Rose and Scorpius's exchange, there were several missing quotation marks.

Okay, I think those were most of my concerns! Sorry this became a novel, and sorry that they were a little nit-picky. This is seriously an awesome story and I'm so excited to see where it goes. You've done a marvelous job so far! :)

--J

Author's Response:

Hi hi!

Thank you so much for reading through the whole thing and giving me the low down on the major arcs. This was exactly what I was looking for in feedback. I don't know how much I'm willing to adjust at this point, or whether I will simply take your feedback and apply it to future writing, but please know that I am so grateful for this, since most people review chapter by chapter and never seem to comment on the overall effect of things.

Wren: I KNOW! I have been struggling with this exact thing of showing Wren before the change so people can get an idea of her before Bunny. I thought seriously about the first chapter, and I rewrote it from what I had before to include more of Wren. I don't know if it holds up enough though. For the sake of character development, I almost wanted to take the story and start it earlier, but for the sake of plot development, that didn't make sense. Sooo... I suppose my options would be either more references to the past, or flashbacks, neither of which presented as good options during the scenes while I was writing. I suppose I can read through the story with this issue in mind and see if anything pops out at me now. It might be as simple as adding a small scene somewhere for Wren and/or Albus (actually, a reflective Albus scene might be better than a reflective Wren scene somewhere... hmm...) if I can find a good spot. Having read the story, if you think of anything, please let me know. I can certainly add a short scene without too much trouble if that's what may ground readers better.

Rose: I thought about this too, and I did make a few adjustments to her character from the last draft. She's absolutely self-centered, and it takes a lot for her to notice things around her that don't pertain to her personally. Unfortunately, there are people that are just like that, and they have friends who put up with it. I suppose that Rose's personality is a testament to Wren's patience. :P There is more interaction between Rose and Wren coming up. I can't justify her. She just is who she is at this point. I didn't want her to be this wonderful friend, or Wren wouldn't have had so much trouble dealing with all of the stuff. Sometimes the decisions I make give me more problems than I want to admit. Sigh.

Time: You know what? I think I took a lot of time references out of this final draft, and I'm not sure why I did that. Maybe if I put more of those "the next morning" and "two days later" phrases back in, it would make the transitions easier to follow.

James/Albus: James does not act nicely towards Albus, and he never actually apologizes for it, but they do come to an understanding that he needs to stop fooling around and help because things become serious. That's as far as I took that arc. If you didn't find that satisfying as a reader, perhaps I can tweak it to have a stronger resolution. I will have to think on that as well. Again, if you have any ideas, I'd love to hear them.

Curfew/Detention: because Plot, unfortunately. Haha. I may have cheated on this issue, simply because I made Albus and Wren out to be the kind of people who didn't go out of their way to break the rules. I could tweak that as well and make their infraction more severe to fit the punishment.

I'll tidy up this last chapter, and I should have made a bigger deal over Albus' ability to break through James' magic, which was supposed to be a big thing. I guess it needs a larger punch there. I'll see what I can do about that.

Please don't apologize. This was exactly the kind of feedback I was looking for. If there's anything else you can think of, or tweaks you think I can do to make the story stronger, I would LOVE to hear them.

Very grateful,

Pix







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Review #15, by Roisin 7. Heart To Handle

21st July 2015:
BACK!

Also, true story: My roommate is away for the week, and after I finished reading this chapter last night she texted me to remind me to feed her bunny. FREAKING. TERRIFYING.

This chapter was so amazing and I loved so much about it! First off, I wanna commend you for having actual schoolwork in your story. I feel like a lot of school-age stories taking place at Hogwarts somehow manage to gloss over like, the SCHOOL stuff. I've read entire novels where the characters are never seen in class or doing homework. So yeah, THANK YOU for creating realistic lesson plans and things :)

What's really crazy is how this normal stuff counterbalances SCARY EVIL BUNNY stuff. Like, seeing Wren almost back to normal makes the parts where she ISN'T normal even more affecting (HOW DARE BUNNY GIVE HER HEADACHES).

It doesn't seem like Albus is having much bunny troubles--then again, we've only seen glimpses of him, and just by glimpses of Wren we might not notice either.

Heehee, on the ScoRose ship: again, this is something that got kind of implied in the epilogue, so it makes sense that it's such a thing. Super fun here, though, because yeah, your Scorpius is FAB. A lot of Scorpiuses (Scorpii?) I've written aren't actually my headcanon, just fun possibilities. This one, I think, is my new Scorpius headcanon :)

Nate. Oh Nate. At first I thought he might be, like, Dillon? Like, DILLON IS A SHAPESHIFTER. But no, that's not right. He was too poised, whereas Dillon is, well, a child (or some sort of childish creature). IS HE RELATED TO DILLON? I feel like he has to be connected somehow.

AND YET I STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS UP WITH DILLON. So I suppose his mum really was a witch? But what is HE?? How can he commune with the rabbits? AH! Also, the thing with him telling the tree to 'move' was sort of brilliant. Like, I kept thinking "THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS, KID." And there was something scary about it, too, because he ought not be using a wand. And he WAS able to do SOMEthing. Ugh.

Also, that tidbit about him liking the beginning, when the people loved the rabbits... I suppose there's something of a trajectory that happens? A TERRIFYING TRAJECTORY.

Author's Response:

Woot! It's another visit by Roisin!

I'm sorry about creating friction between you and your roommate's rabbit. They really aren't all like Bunny, but I tell you after writing this thing, even I won't be looking at rabbits in the same way ever again.

Yes with the schoolwork. It's SCHOOL. Which is WORK. With STUDENTS. And I teach stuff, so that's important to me.

I love contrasts. I'm so happy this balancing thing is working for you. I had all these ideas I wanted to do with this story, and I only had room for so many because I didn't want to make it turn into this ugly disconnected thing. We'll find out soon what's been going on with Albus' rabbit. Some readers have gotten confused by that. I'd love to know if it is sensical to you later.

Oh SCoRose... It is such a thing that I couldn't not do it. And I'm exceedingly pleased that you like this Scorpius. Still the same traits we see everywhere else: cocky and too sure of himself. I'd like to think that the Potter boys have had a good influence on him in this story.

Nate is a whole different thing. I wanted his character in this story so bad. He brings another kind of balance, and you're not the first person to suggest that he's related to Dillon.

Dillon should be just a little scary. That little kid in the horror movie that hasn't done anything yet, but holds so much potential... You seem to be feeling the suspense, so I'll take that as a good sign.



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Review #16, by Roisin 6. Big as Hearts

21st July 2015:
Yay Scorpius POV!

It could have been really easy to make Scorpius antogonistic towards James to play for laughs, so I like the idea that he respects him here. And then also sorta antagonizes him. Like, way to get the best of both worlds!

AH GROWLING BUNNY. How am I not surprised that Scorpius would be the one to see the evil little creature for what it truly is. Maybe because he isn't seduced by bunny cuteness? And I think the bunny biting a person has something to do with it getting to them, so the bit with Scorpius vs Bunny was really suspenseful (yet slightly ridiculous and funny too). Also, AH THEY ARE HEX RESISTANT THAT MAKES EVERYTHING SO MUCH WORSE.

Oh no. Bunny doesn't respond well to magic, resulting in Wren not responding well to magic? This is gonna work out great, considering she goes to goddamn MAGIC SCHOOL.

Oh man, the hectic scene in the bar was so stressful and intense. It was all really well thought out and convincing and fantastic, and I love the strange sort of gothic atmosphere this whole story has. Even without things fitting together yet, everything still maintains such an interesting tone. Smeed is definitely a curious character and I can't wait to see where everything goes!

xoxo
Roisin

Author's Response:

I love your reviews. Seriously. These are great little masterpieces.

How could I deny Scorpius the best of anything?? I can't. That's why he has it all. :P

I think you're one of the few people who picked up on the importance of the rabbits being hex resistant and the implications that holds. Most people are just freaked out by Wren's loss of magic, which is also awful and scary and not right.

I'm so glad you saw good things about the bar scene. If I was going to rewrite this story, it would be all about Smeed and his world. But alas, I have already spent too much of my time on this, so I'll have to let it be what it is. And oh, you think this has a gothic atmosphere? That's awesome! I haven't thought of it in that way, but I can see it now that you mention it.

So much love!

Pix


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Review #17, by Gabriella Hunter 2. Trusting Hearts

18th July 2015:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums dropping by with our swap! Thank you so much for the great review you left for "Grey"! It meant a lot to me, I hope to see you around again. :D

So, I read this a long time ago and yet, I was still able to remember almost everything. I didn't even have to go back and catch up on what I missed! I was already in love with Wren and I could understand her very well but this chapter, especially the beginning just tore at my heart.

I never really saw Augusta Longbottom as a very emotional woman but seeing her crumbling like this was hard to read. It's always difficult to write scenes like this because you know that it's coming from a very private place. Seeing a loved one fading away or even just really ill, takes a lot out of a person and I liked how you wrote that with Wren. She's moved to a whole new area and is out of touch with herself, nothing has that familiar "spark", which makes her being with her Gran all the more painful.

I liked that you weaved in canon so wonderfully here. The information about Frank and Alice was hard to take but you didn't focus so much on that, some writers can really jerk you away from what's happening right NOW but you chose not to. Wren didn't even really think too much about her father's parents but you can tell that there was love there too for them. I do wonder though, what's going to happen to poor Gran in the next few chapters and I thought the details you added in about the potions muddling her mind was a great affect. It seems like there's a lot that Muggle and Healer medicine just can't cure. :(

So, Dillon. I'm going to be honest and say that that little boy gave me the creeps. I just got this really weird feeling about him--he's up to something, obviously but I'm not sure if it's malicious or not. Wren was such a great support for him and it was nice seeing her smile and be a little happy but then we've got that darn bunny at the end.who walks around with a basket of adorable baby bunnies? Like...there's a whole other story there and I want to know more about Dillon's precious Mummy. Ah, I just have this weird feeling that something isn't right...

But on a whole other note, this was great! Your pace was awesome, your characters are realistic and powerful and it's just all sorts of awesome.

Thanks for the swap!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response:

Hi Gabbie!

Ah, chapter two has a lot of heartbreak in it with Augusta's condition. I didn't want to belabor the point. I think it spoke for itself as Wren's difficulties merged with Augusta's. A 95-year-old friend of my mother's told me that growing old is not for the weak at heart. Things start falling apart. There's a lot of frustration when the body doesn't work the way it ought to, not to mention the physical pain. Something always hurts. For Wren's Gran, it's also affecting her on the inside, a place where no one can reach.

Dillon is a special little boy. His rabbits are relevant and you should definitely trust that weird feeling you have. Good instincts should never be ignored.

Thanks for the lovely review! The revisions are up, so if you get the chance to skim through that first chapter again, let me know.

Pix


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Review #18, by Roisin 5. Distant Hearts

17th July 2015:
Back!

Another thing I forgot to mention last chapter, but I'm really impressed by, is how much new life you give various FF conventions. Like, it makes sense that certain things come up over and over again in fics, because they are mostly rooted in the epilogue (like James' characterization). But here, a lot of these things kind of take on a lot of freshness for being set in a very different sort of story.

Quick recommendation: maybe italicize first-person thoughts for clarity? There have been a few in the last chapters.

There's something really cinematic to your writing that I appreciate. Your visuals are so specific, like in the moment with Wren looking through her camera at Scorpius. I can really see it playing out like a movie.

I feel like there's something really metaphorical about Wren as a photographer, but being so early in the story, I've yet to really unpack it all. I can't wait to see how the theme develops. (Although right now, I see it as something of her being a spectator--watching the world through something that separates her from it. Also, kind of a comment about her seeing things differently.)

Oh no, Albus has a sketchy bunny too now? Crap.

I'm so curious about Dillon and his mother. Right now, I'm assuming that they aren't human. Like, they aren't really witches or wizards, but I have no theories beyond that. WHAT IS GOING ON???

Author's Response:

Great!

I'm always a little disappointed when people don't at least try to do something new with the generally held conventions. Sure, in FF, we just come to accept things, and unlike OF, we can assume that readers are already somewhat familiar with certain things. We don't have to work that hard at convincing people about certain characters unless we change the convention, but I always want to know what does THIS author think about the characters? It's a thing. We all have a thing, I guess. And yeah, my stories do tend to walk a different path. I'm generally not the go-to person when someone's looking for a story "type". In fact, I'm still trying to figure out what "type" of writer I am.

Yes, I am aware of the first-person thoughts that run rampant without much clarity to them. I am still undecided about making a textual distinction for them. Part of me thinks I should, and then there's this rebellious part of me (the one that likes to break all the comma rules :P) that shrugs it off. I use an awful lot of italics in this fic for other purposes, and I guess I wanted to keep them separated... also for clarity. Oh, but you haven't gotten that far yet, so if you still feel it's an issue moving forward, feel free to mention it again.

Ahh, visuals! Part of the reason I wanted Wren as a photographer was to play with that sort of descriptive. I don't know if I pulled it off throughout, since I'm not a photographer myself, but it was quite fun giving it a try.

Metaphor! LOL. It happens occasionally.

I feel like I gave a lot away at the start of this fic with potential ships and such, and I needed something to unfold gently. Dillon drew the short straw on that. You'll have to let me know what you think of his overall arc later, if you get that far. He's a special boy.

Thanks SO MUCH for another WONDERFUL review!

(and now I'm shouting at you, sorry!)

Pix



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Review #19, by Roisin 4. Hearts and Minds

16th July 2015:
SURPRISE!

I've been meaning to make good on our review pairing from ages ago, BECAUSE I FOLLOW THROUGH DAMMIT, and here I finally am! In a way, it's a good thing that I have been the worst and taken so long. I saw that you'd recently edited, and when I read before, the second and third chapters were switched (and I'd had a little break between the first and next chapter so I didn't catch it right away). I've gone back and started reading from the beginning, and I'm SO glad I did! I remember it being great, but it's just about PERFECT now. I wish I could go back and re-review those first chapters, but instead, I'll focus on the here-and-now.

I'm really enjoying the alternating POVs. There's something fresh about it, because I feel like a lot of stories are sort of coy about their ships. Here, we get to see from both Albus and Wren's perspective.

Also, I love your Scorpius. He's so sort of glib, and different from how I've seen him before, but I'm SOLD. I'm only a few paragraphs into this chapter, but so far I'm assuming he's gay--if only because: 'air hug.' I like how you managed to keep certain Malfoyish characteristics (aristocratic hand), but transmute them into something totally different, and totally camp. CAMP SCORPIUS. I love it.

The way you wrote Wren's perspective in the last chapter was so affecting. Like, I had a lot of feels and genuinely worried about her. I'm guessing there's something supernatural going on, but it makes sense that it would read more as nonmagic depression--and depression would be a logical response to everything she's gone through.

Also, as for shipping: I feel like a lot of stories read like "COME ON, KISS HER/HIM YOU FOOL, THEY OBV LIKE YOU." So it's cool here that their liking eachother is CONFIRMED, yet Albus' hesitations (that she's going through a lot, that there could be awkwardness if he tried), are actually totes reasonable and even admirable. I don't think he's stupid for not going for it, because his reasoning is sound and believable.

I also like the way you shed light on the 'beezies be crazy' and 'I'm not mad' tropes from both angles. You show how both people feel, and how it's more a breakdown of communication than a specific party totally at fault.

Oh gosh--the reason why Wren's mindset is so affecting, I think, is how chaotic it is from inside her head, yet she still comes off as basically normal to other people. There's something scary about that.

God, the ending to this scene was so chilling. Well done.

I like how Albus is super likable and sympathetic, and a bit of a delicate-flower-sweetheart in his way, but still realistically a bit of a lad, and even a bit of a (I don't want to say) playboy (?). Like, the way he talks about former girlfriends isn't all that praiseworthy, but it's nice to see a dynamic character who isn't all good or all bad.

This story is so fantastic, and I'm so glad to be getting back to it!

xoxo
Roisin

Author's Response:

AHH!!!

Is it my birthday? What a lovely surprise!

Yeah, that following through bit can be tough. I think I lapsed for two months once on a review exchange and I felt really bad about it, but as long as you came by, that's what really matters. No worries.

I am so pleased that you went back and re-read the first few chapters. They feel so much better to me. The first chapter revisions were massive, but even in the little tweaks from chapter two and three, I think the story came together a lot tighter. I have almost accepted the fact that in longer stories I just can't get chapter one right until I'm done. But man, the process is frustrating.

Nope,nope, no coyness with ships here. Though I wondered how difficult it would be to maintain the tension without including a bunch of silliness, since it's clear who likes who already. Hence the massive revision. It's crazy, but I finally GOT Wren when I was writing Chapter 27, or something ridiculous like that, and then I just had to go back and fix things and adjust and GAH! But that's over with for now. I'm DONE. Mostly. Aww, heck. I can pretend, can't I? It's interesting that it took me so long too, because I knew what the ultimate crisis was going to be for her, but I didn't really KNOW until she was IN crisis, and that's where I truly met her.

Yes on all of that with the depression. That's definitely what it looks like, and I needed something that would keep her friends from seeing the actual and just carrying on for a bit, because if they all figured stuff out too soon... no story. I might have stretched that a bit too far, but hey, it was a learning experience.

I'm so happy you like Scorpius. He was by far the easiest character to write. I was trying to put my finger on why, and I think it's because of all the characters in this story, he's the only one who has already made his decision about who he is. I'm not saying you're right or wrong about him, but he's very secure in his skin, whereas Wren and Albus are still getting comfortable. Haha, funny that in a way that makes him more mature... except he acts the complete opposite of mature most of the time. I love that about him.

I'm also really glad you like Albus and that his traits were easy to read. He is a sweet one, but he's also a boy (a real boy, not the wooden puppet kind) and he won't turn down a piece of candy if someone makes an offer. Wow. From that, you'd think this was a lot deeper than it actually is. LOL!

Thanks so much for coming back!

BROWNIES!!!


Pix


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Review #20, by Dirigible_Plums 1. Have a Heart

15th July 2015:
Hey,

I've seen this fic plenty of times before and always reserved it to read later when I had the time to thoroughly enjoy it. I can't wait to read on.

Poor Wren. It's hard moving away from home. I remember having a hard time letting go of my old home when I moved, but then again, it was easier on me since I just moved across the road. Wren doesn't even have the luxury of living nearby.

I really liked the characters in this chapter. Even though I haven't gotten to know them properly yet (with the exception of Wren, of course), I feel like even the short insight pretty much sums them up. I had to crack a grin at Neville's whispers to his plants. It's just so typical of him. I like that Wren takes after him except she loves animals more than plants.

Seriously, you've done a great job here. I look forward to finding out about the world's worst nightmare.

Dirigible_Plums xo

[Oh, and before I forget, I love the heart theme with your chapter titles. Nicely done ;) ]

Author's Response:

Hello!!

I'm glad you finally stopped by, and doubly glad that you saw the first chapter AFTER the revision. I am hopeful that I've cleared away most of the dead wood and left things fresh and interesting, but you never know. If you see anything weird, or... wait a minute. Most of this is weird. Anyway.

Exactly! Wren and Neville both share a love for nature, but it manifests in different ways.

Haha! The chapter titles were more of a personal way to keep myself entertained. :P They were fun, and at times, a little annoying, but hey. I managed to keep the theme all the way through.

Thanks for the review! I hope you get a chance to come back for more. And by the way, I don't mind a review every few chapters, instead of every single chapter. Not that I wouldn't enjoy a bunch of reviews, but... you know what I'm saying. It's hard to get people to comment on the overall arc of things, and I'd like to hear about that from time to time.

Thanks so much for coming by!

Pix


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Review #21, by StarFeather 1. Have a Heart

13th July 2015:
Hi, Pixi!

I've imagined how the rabbits turned to be scary after I heard from my fellow Gryffie about this story, but I'd like to say it's a very interesting story from the start.

Whole story is wrapped by Wren's gloomy mood that she didn't want to move out from the cozy house surrounded by nature and small animals she loved. The image of her grand mother will be the key to the story, maybe?

Any way I enjoyed reading her swinging heart as a teenager and Albus who was going to climb up the stairs to an adult, his each movement and his feeling towards Wren can't be ignored from here.

Then the last weird happening is very magically intriguing. Does horror start here?

Kenny

Author's Response:

Hi Kenny, and welcome to my weirdness!

You have a lot of theories about my story. I'm glad it got you thinking and it holds some interest to you. The revised version of this first chapter clarified some things about Wren's character, and also Albus, so I'm happy that you commented on that.


Yes of course there is magic! Scary...

Thanks for the review!

Pix


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Review #22, by TreacleTart 5. Distant Hearts

11th July 2015:
Hey Hey Hey!

Ugh! I wish Wren and Albus would just get it over with and tell each other how they feel already. These childish games are getting a bit silly. Besides, everyone else seems to be aware that they're into each other, so it seems pointless to keep up the charade.

I swear with every chapter this bunny gets creepier and creepier. How could it have possibly ended up on the bed? How would it have gotten it's cage door open?

And the ending! Yikes. That boy is seriously up to something. I have no solid theories on what exactly he's up to yet, but I get the feeling that it's no good. Why Wren even offered that little boy help is beyond me. You could feel the creep factor from 100 yards away.

Good work!

~Kaitlin

Author's Response: Ahh, yes. I adjusted a little for that as well. Sometimes less is more, so I tried that in my revision. The arc is still the same, but you know, adjust, revise, adjust... repeat...

Bunny! How could it possibly get any creepier??

I wish I had made this story, like, ALL creep. That would have been really fun. But there was this character who needed more, so I gave it to her. Ah, well. Next time I'll go for extreme creep, just to get it out of my system.

Or not.

I'm still thinking about it.

Thanks for another great review! I love hearing your thoughts on my story!

Pix


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Review #23, by TreacleTart 4. Hearts and Minds

11th July 2015:
Hey Pix!

So I'm a bit ambivalent about this chapter.

I did like seeing the interactions between Wren and Albus. The group dynamic with everyone was also pretty nice. I think that for the most part the interactions all seemed normal and the dialogue was good.

Wren's relationship with her bunny is quite strange and I feel like there's some dark magic at work here. It's hard to think of a fluffy white bunny as evil, but it certainly seems to be.

The only bit of critique that I have to offer is that in comparison to the previous chapters, this one feels a bit off to me. I can't quite put my finger on why. I think it just seems jumpy and maybe a bit chaotic. Maybe spending a bit more time on each event would help?

Anyway, I still love this story and am looking forward to the next chapter. I know the creepy little boy disappeared, but I have a feeling that we haven't seen the last of him.

~Kaitlin

Author's Response: Yeah, me too. This one came out more focused in the revision. I hope you get a chance to re-read it and tell me if it flows better.

There were several things that happened when I was writing this the last time. I knew what I wanted, but the execution wasn't secure. Fortunately, I finally had someone read it who could explain to me what was going on and how to fix it.

I hope I did. It was an issue that I couldn't spot until I did, and then that lightbulb came on. Ding!

Thanks for reading more!

Pix


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Review #24, by TreacleTart 3. Cold Toes, Warm Heart

11th July 2015:
Hi there!

Back for some more!

I really like that Wren is not particularly fussed about her appearance. I think most girls spend way too much time worrying about that sort of stuff.

The crush on Albus seems so sweet and innocent. She's not really sure if she wants to pursue him or not, but I think he seems like he might be interested in her as well. Only time will tell though, I suppose.

Wren's reaction at the end almost sounded like a panic attack. There must be some sort of spell on her to make her feel what the bunny is feeling? It's strange that as soon as she got to the bunny she felt better.

Again, like I said in my last review...that little boy is so creepy, so I can only imagine what he's done to this bunny.

I'm looking forward to more!

~Kaitlin

Author's Response: Back! I love it when people come back!

I think too many girls spend too much time on their appearance too, but you know, it IS a skill. I remember being in my early twenties, getting ready for work and thinking "What do I do with all this makeup??" because never played with it as a kid, and I wasn't into it as a teen. I still feel like I don't know what I'm doing.

This is certainly not one of those crash and burn relationship stories, so things aren't going to be quick or easy for Wren. I was really ambivalent about how I wanted to portray that part of the story, and my revision sort of shifts it to where it needs to be. Sometimes you don't figure it all out until you get to the end. Sigh.

Yes, the bunny is strange. Wren is feeling strange. It's all rather strange. And so am I, so...

Thanks for another lovely review! I'm so glad you're reading my crazy story!

Pix


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Review #25, by TreacleTart 2. Trusting Hearts

11th July 2015:
Hello again!

I'm having writer's block tonight, so I thought I'd return and read some more of your lovely story.

Where to start?

The scene with Augusta is so heartbreaking. It actually reminds me quite a bit of my grandmother. She had Parkinson's disease, which eventually caused her severe dementia, so I could really relate to what Wren was going through. It's hard watching someone so strong become almost childlike, especially when that person is such a prominent member of the family.

This little boy is super creepy and I'm not sure how Wren hasn't picked up on that. Maybe it's the kindness in her heart that keeps her from seeing how weird this child is, but I was immediately freaked out by him. He reminded me of Tom Riddle a little bit, but he also had sort of his own unique thing going on.

I'm also surprised that Wren let the little boy go wandering off on his own late at night. I would think that she would insist that he come in to eat and maybe shower before allowing him to take off.

Something seems very odd about the story he tells. What type of mother would set a child off on their own with a basket of rabbits? I'm really intrigued by this and can't wait to find out what's going on there.

This was another excellent chapter. I'm hooked already. This will be added to my favorites list. Good job!

~Kaitlin

Author's Response: Aww, writer's block is no fun.

I've had a few people comment on relating to the scene with Augusta. It's one of those things where if you've been there, you get it.

I'm glad you were immediately freaked out by the little boy. Those are good instincts you have there. He's so sweet and innocent and... maybe he isn't. He definitely has his own thing going on. I hope you keep reading to find out more about him.

Thanks so much for another fantastic review!

Pix


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