Reading Reviews for Albus Potter and the New Lord
  
25 Reviews Found

Review #1, by HEG Revelations

18th April 2014:
Another interesting chapter! I can't wait to find out what happens next :) you're amazing at getting the right character for everyone. I can't believe Daegan isn't a were wolf.

Your work is improving very fast. I don't believe how much you've improved since your first chapter and I think you've got a very successful story here so keeps up the good work.

HEG

Author's Response: Thank you! Yup, Daegan is about as wolfy as Dobby :P

This review just means so much to me, thank you so much. I love getting reviews from you and this one just made me smile even more :)

-Karou


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Review #2, by UnluckyStar57 The Graveyard

16th April 2014:
This story looked intriguing, so I clicked upon it. And I wasn't disappointed!

This chapter isn't even 2000 words long, but already the words have moved the action into so many directions! I love how the action flowed, from the receiving of the letter to the graveyard to Lucius' room. Not a word was wasted!

Draco seems to have reformed since the War, if only to redeem his family name. Now this powerful Alpha guy is giving him no choice but to revert back to the old ways. He definitely has become Lucius in this scenario--a desperate guy trying to protect his family while serving an unrelenting master. I can't believe that evil keeps rising up, but that's just the way the world works in the HPverse. I can only hope that Albus Potter is as lucky as his father in trying to defeat this new foe!

Really suspenseful and interesting chapter! I hope to read more soon!

~UnluckyStar57

For the Huffleclaw-Ravenpuff Eggstravaganza.

Author's Response: Wow, thank you! Yup, evil is a pretty persistent thing in HP, sadly. Don't worry, I plan for Albus to live in the end (unlike Dumbeldore with Harry). But will he beat Alpha? Hhh! Suspense...

Thank you for reading and reviewing, and good luck with the Eggstravaganza!

-Karou


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Review #3, by Pixileanin An Interesting Start to Term

13th April 2014:
Very intriguing start to the story! I see you have more reviews on the first chapter than you do on the second, so I'm going to kind of combine both chapters here, if you don't mind terribly.

I like how you bring us straight into the thick of the action in this chapter and it's not one of those "set up" things, where nothing significant happens. Draco pledges his son to the new Dark Lord, whoever that happens to be, and then his father dies, both pretty significant things, I'd say. And then he doesn't discuss it with Scorpius. It's kind of sad that he's following in his family's footsteps, but I suppose that he doesn't know any better. He still has that drive to keep his family safe, the thing that drove his mother, and since they are (were) both still under the same roof with him, I doubt he'd have grown past that much, sad as it is. The only thing that concerns me is Draco's characterization, that he'd automatically assume from a letter that this new person isn't some idiot posing as a new Dark Lord. I'd think he'd be at least suspicious of him and show some reserve until he's seen some proof.

I like the banter between the first years, or at least I'm assuming first years on the train. the twins sound excited, and I love how you turned the "are you a Muggle" question into something that they needed to ask, regarding Quidditch. Very nice!

"Oh look, I got mum." Haha. That was great.

Oh, and there's a lot of excitement on the train as well! You're really packing in the action here. It certainly raises questions about who is trying to harm the students and why, and what the new mark with the eye is.

You've got some really good stuff going on here. These were fun two chapters to read!

Author's Response: Hallo! I don't mind at all!

It is pretty sad. Thanks for that CC on Draco, I'll remember that in the future and maybe add it in when I do my Big Edit.

Yes they're first years. Thanks!

It's not Action/Adventure for nothing! :D

Thank you for reading and reviewing!

-Karou


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Review #4, by HEG The Chamber

7th April 2014:
Hello again! Another chapter I see...

Oh my goodness, Daegan is the Basalisk (when you said 'snake' did you mean Basalisk?) And Lord Alpha! I wasn't expecting to see Him in this chapter. Well, it was certainly packed. So many things were happening all at once! The only thing I would say is that you were flitting between scenes a bit too much. Of course, that's just my opinion so you don't have to listen, but it was quite hard to keep up and some of the scenes were rather short. Maybe you could add to them or just have less scenes. Saying that, it was actually quite good to know what say Scorpius was doing while also knowing what Harry or Albus were doing. Still loving the telepathy! I simply can't get over what a good idea that is. Another person who I'm curious about is Omega. If I am getting this right, is he Lord Alpha's son? I can't wait for the next chapter! Very well written (as usual) well done!

HEG

Author's Response: Hello!

Nah, he's just a rather large snake. ("Hissy hiss-" Go away Daegan, get back in the story.)

Ahem. Thank you for the feedback! I think what I'll do is combine some of the scenes, which will make them longer AND there'll be less of them. Yes, Omega is Alpha's son. They are ALPHA and OMEGA Gaunt, get it?

Hehe...Thanks for the awesome review! One more chapter and then the story has caught up with me. I'm still in the middle of writing chapter 15, it's getting annoying now. Ah well, I'll get through it.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

-Karou :)


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Review #5, by HPreader Tensions

3rd April 2014:
This chapter is well named. The tension is really mounting and the number of mysteries just keeps on increasing. I'm hooked

Author's Response: Thanks! Can I just say here that in a previous response I said 'chapter 11' instead of 'chapter 13', which is what I meant, to avoid confusion.
Thanks for reading and reviewing!

-Karou


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Review #6, by HEG Tensions

3rd April 2014:
Yay! A new chapter on one of my favourite fanfiction stories!

Oh my goodness, why do you do this? You're making me so impatient fir the next chapter. Telepathy? That's such a cool idea! You are seriously amazing. This story has me on the edge of my seat, I just can't stop reading it. Why do I have to wait. I had had my suspicions on Daegan for a bit now and I can't believe they are going to open the Chamber of Secrets. This story just keeps getting better. Why do I have to wait?!
HEG :D

Author's Response: Hi! Gosh, thanks!

Hee hee. You have to wait because...I've been getting loads of homework and exams etc. and there's not much time and please don't hurt me! :P

Seriously though, yes. I've just got an exam out of the way so chapter 11 should be ready soon. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

-Karou


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Review #7, by HEG Christmas!

24th March 2014:
I have read all of these and now I just can't wait until your next chapter comes out! I am interested in weather Daegan is a werewolf, more on Lord Alpha and I really love the bit where Albus disguises as James. One of the mistakes you made was (unless this was on purpose) that Albus' middle name isn't Remus, it's Severus. I have never read anything like this before and that's why it's so good. I am really looking forwards to the next chapter :)
HEG

Author's Response: Thanks for leaving all these lovely, lovely reviews. You'll have to wait for that information on Daegan...muahahahaha.

In this story, he's can't have the middle name Severus because his brother's FIRST name is Severus. If Al's middle name was Severus that would be slightly unoriginal of Harry and Ginny, don't ya think? (I hope that made sense).

Thank you for reviewing a lot of chapters with amazing reviews, you're too nice :D

-Karou


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Review #8, by HEG Going Home

24th March 2014:
Amazing chapter! Perhaps you could include a bit more on platform nine and three quarters but it was still really good. I like Kreacher making the meal, that was a nice addition although, isn't he dead? I am still really excited to see more of Lord Alpha. This is so so good so far,
HEG

Author's Response: Like I said in a previous response, all editing is on hold until I finish my entries for the (too many) challenges I've entered. Thanks for the feedback anyways!

I had to check the Wiki for this, but it says "It is not specified whether he survived the Battle of Hogwarts, but Harry, who wanted to go to bed after the battle, wondered if Kreacher could bring him a sandwich, implying that he did in fact survive." So in this story he did, although some people may write him as dead.

-Karou


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Review #9, by HEG James's Shopping

24th March 2014:
Nice use of speech and good plot development. I like the way this story is turning out :)

Author's Response: Thank you! I really appreciate all the nice reviews you're leaving, they make me so happy :)
-Karou


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Review #10, by HEG Perry and Billy

24th March 2014:
My! This is exciting. I can't wait to find out what happens next!:D

Author's Response: I'm glad you like it. Thanks for reading and reviewing :)
-Karou


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Review #11, by HEG The Hat Hates its Job

24th March 2014:
Great chapter! (As am always) the sorting hat's acting a bit mysterious isn't it? I do love a good sorting and a lot happened in this one. You've created a nice mystery element to the story and compared to the first chapter this one has made absolutely awesome improvement :D! I love this story Karou_Marauder!
HEG :)

Author's Response: Yup, the old Hat's at it again, saying really annoying things that only make sense to it (and me, but I can't tell you anything!). Thank you so much for your amazing reviews!
-Karou


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Review #12, by HEG An Interesting Start to Term

24th March 2014:
I see a dramatic improvement from the rushed first chapter, well done on that. Ooh! Albus has a twin brother! How exciting! It seems like Malfoy hasn't changed at all since is time at Hogwarts. Tut tut Draco. your characters personalities are building and I look forwards to seeing how they develop. I am also looking forward to more about Severus as he is an OC (I love OCs) and this was a brilliant chapter, keep it up!
HEG

Author's Response: Yeah, Draco really needs to work on his personality issues :P. Don't worry, you'll get a LOT more of Sev later on.
Thanks for taking the time to read and review!
-Karou


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Review #13, by HEG The Graveyard

24th March 2014:
Oh my goodness! This is probably one of the best most interesting, intriguing and cliff hangery plots that I have ever read. The summary grabbed my attention and I am looking forwards to reading more :) the one thing I would say is that the first scene is a little rushed. Maybe you could improve that :) it was amazing anyway! Moving on to the next chapter as we speak.

Author's Response: Hey there! :)
Wow! Thank you so much. I wrote the first scene a while before the rest of this story when I was less experienced, so that may explain that. Thanks for pointing that out though, I'll revisit that at some point as soon as I've written all my challenge entries.
-Karou


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Review #14, by Lululuna The Graveyard

13th March 2014:
Hello! :)

This is a really original and interesting start to your story! :) I'm certainly intrigued. I like how you chose to tell it through Draco's story, and how his family has changed since the war. He seems quite peaceful these days, but still intimidated by power and not willing to go to the Ministry and tell them about the new Dark Lord. You did a good job of showing his sense of self-preservation, but also his love for his family which I thought was great. But then again, at the same time he wasn't afraid to offer Scorpius up as a spy. So perhaps Draco is quite like Lucius after all.

It was sad how Lucius and Narcissa had deteriorated like this, but I thought it was really effective and well-written.

Alpha seems very intimidating. I wonder who exactly the new Dark Lord is - his son? Something to do with Albus, from the title? Very fitting that they would have the connections to Voldemort, both through blood and through links like the graveyard. Alpha's appearance also reminded me of Voldy, as did his way of intimidating the Death Eaters instantly.

There was such an interesting contrast between Draco's happy relationship with Scorpius and the fear and danger which surely awaits him. I really liked this, it was a great and exciting beginning to your story! :D

Blackout Round 3 - 14/20

Author's Response: Hello!

I think Draco is a bit wary around the Ministry, even now...besides, he saw first-hand what old Voldy would do. I think he's just afraid that Alpha will be the same - which is understandable.

Things aren't to good for the Malfoy grandparents these days. They kinda deserve it though...kinda...

Well, the new lord is definitely something to do with Albus, but you'll have to wait till later to find out who it is. Alpha is a very big copy-cat. He thinks that because Voldy is his second cousin (or something like that) he can just take his look and style because he's next-in-line.

Thanks for taking the time to read and review!

-Karou


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Review #15, by MargaretLane Riddles and Mysteries

31st January 2014:
*grins at almost none of the Slytherins dressing up* I guess that makes sense.

That part about "Madame Pomfrey has no cure and if she does, her supply is limited" sounds a bit odd. If there is no cure, how could she have a limited supply of it? Unless the Headmaster is just saying it, it might be better to give one reason or the other.

And I like the fact she can't cure everything. It seems like a lot of injuries and illnesses get pretty much glossed over in the wizarding world, because they are so easily cured.

Love the title of the chapter by the way and the way Riddle is reminiscent of Voldemort.

*laughs at the "don't get all American on me"* I don't actually mind the way trick-or-treating has changed, because it has never that I can remember involved earning sweets and I don't think Wren boys sang when they used to go door to door either and I can hardly accuse THAT of having become Americanised, but I am not too fond of the number of pumpkins that are appearing at Halloween lately.

*laughs at the suggestion that Professor Zabini is a cross between a teacher and a vampire*

*also laughs at the difference being that one roars with pain and the other pours with rain*

Hmm, Gaunt doesn't seem too interested in the whole feud thing. I'm guessing he's got something bigger on his mind.

And now they really have given away that they are up to something.

Gaunt branded his son with the MIM sign? Yikes. I guess he wants him to be able to use it to intimidate people like Scorpius.

Author's Response: *says like a Dalek* Confusion must be exterminated! Exterminate! Exterminate!

Okay, back to HP now.

I was just writing what I know, as they say, because I go guising every year. I don't think I mentioned that many pumpkins...

You laughin' at my fanfic? Good! :)

He DOES have bigger things on his mind, and also he and his family have never been involved with the Malfoy-Potter thing and as Gaunt says he has no wish to spend every night in detention.

You don't know that he branded him for sure!!


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Review #16, by MargaretLane James's Shopping

31st January 2014:
*grins* Being Irish, I think it is seriously awesome you've had the principal tell them about the old Irish and Scottish version, with the old Scottish name, rather than the more Americanised version. Since Hogwarts is in Scotland, it makes a lot of sense. As kids, we called it trick-or-treating, though I'm pretty sure we didn't even realise that was something you were supposed to say.

Don't the seventh years get to go to the dance?

The formatting on this chapter has got a bit messed up by the look of it. There are huge gaps between each paragraph.

And I like the name Omega. This Alpha guy really isn't going to much trouble to hide his and his son's identity, is he? It sounds like he wants to be known, so he'll be feared.

And I'm REALLY wondering what MIM could mean. I'm guessing it's significant since you are keeping it such a secret.

And I DEFINITELY know what you mean about being pleased when somebody is confused by various clues. It's always good to know the suspense is working.

I really like the way Albus and Severus want to be something completely different for Halloween. One of my best friends in primary school was a twin and I remember before her Confirmation, she was talking about how they definitely weren't getting similar Confirmation outfits.

Hmm, that's interesting, the possibility of Gaunt being a Parseltongue.

And now you've shed some doubt on whether or not the Gaunts are who they are claiming to be. It is POSSIBLE Alpha is just pretending to be related to Voldemort to create fear, but I don't know. If Omega is found to be a Parseltongue, that'll give some credence to the claim.

Rose is definitely suspicious that Daegan is a werewolf too. I suppose it's hardly surprising when he is going to be absent for the full moon and seems to know a lot about werewolves. Of course, now the question is whether she's right or not. I think she probably is, but you might well have something else up your sleeve.

Author's Response: I'm Scottish and every Halloween I go guising, not trick-or-treating. I thought it would be a bit more interesting that way, and I wanted to get a riddle in there somehow. :)

Did I forget the seventh years? *slaps forehead* Victoire will be so upset!

Formatting, for some reason, has only just started to become a problem, despite the fact that I haven't changed the way I upload stuff. Once the chapter for a different story has been validated I'm going to go through this one and do a big edit.

You think she's right? So does she! Of course, Voldemort also thought he was right when he started killing people, and Harry thought he was right when he started chasing the Horcruxes...Not that helpful but I can't start giving away plots can I? :)

Thanks for the review!


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Review #17, by Akussa The Graveyard

31st January 2014:
Hi!

Well this is an interesting opening chapter. I like the idea and the way you present it, through one of the follower (although he is quite reluctant). Many questions are left open and it will be interesting to read how you fill in the blanks.

I thought the pace of the story was a bit hard to read to be honnest. Because of the many breaks and numerous defferent scenes, it does not flow all that great. Maybe you could work on the transitions between the scenes, just to smooth it a bit.

I also noticed two things that I want to point out. These are my opinions though and you do what you want with it!!

When talking about Lucius, you describe him as being in his old age. He's probably around 60 (was a Prefect when the Marauders started school) and we know wizards can live much longer than muggles (Dumbledore was twice as old and still very sharp). I think it would work better if you implied that he was sick or on his death bed because of a debilitating illness.

Also, you write that Vincent Crabbe is present to meet the new lord but he died in the fire of the Room of Requierement, during the war.

Other that that, I enjoyed this chapter and I'm interested in knowing how this will turn out. I liked Scorpius quite a lot, he sounds like a fun little boy and it will be nice to see where he'll end up and if he'll befriend the Lord's son!!!

Good job overall!

Author's Response: Hi!

Thanks for the feedback, I'll work on the transitions between scenes.

At the time I wrote this I wasn't really that great a writer (the first chapter is taken from another story from years ago) so both the old age thing and the Crabbe thing are me being silly and then not double-checking.

Thanks!


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Review #18, by MargaretLane Perry and Billy

31st January 2014:
I actually laughed out loud at Goyle's boils singing "The Grand Old Duke of York".

Keane says they have tricks to "get of class." I'm guessing it should be "off".

And I love his attitude, like "I don't know what happens if ye fail." He really doesn't seem to take his job too seriously.

I wonder if the Daily Prophet is under orders to keep this quiet or if they just don't take it that seriously. I suspect the latter. I doubt they think it's a joke, but it is kind of hard to take a guy who says "I am the next Lord Voldemort. Fear me" seriously. It'd be like somebody saying "I am the next Hitler. Fear me," while just breaking in to a shop. You'd never believe that they were capable of actually doing it. I'm guessing this guy IS, as otherwise he'd hardly keep going for 7 years, but they don't know that.

Author's Response: I did too :D

I'll need to go back for these pesky typos...they're everywhere, like the cold and dangly earrings.

I just laughed out loud at the idea someone breaking into a shop and saying 'I am the next Hitler!' Hitler was awful and all, but that would be pretty funny.

And there's that word again, 'guessing'. Hee hee


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Review #19, by MargaretLane Eavesdropping

31st January 2014:
This is something you are probably planning to do anyway, but I'd like to see a bit more of Albus and Severus's personalities. At the moment I'm having a bit of difficulty really telling them apart.

And a couple of lines later you mention Severus being argumentative. *laughs*

I might have missed something here, but I think it might have been clearer if you had Daegan say something like, "Double Potions with Professor Zabini this morning", as the comment about there being a Blaise Zabini in Harry's year seems to come a bit out of nowhere.

Love the description of the mouse. It's so wonderfully chilling and really gives a sense of atmosphere.

Hmm, now I'm even more suspicious that Keane is Alpha and Zabini is working for him. But maybe that is just what we are MEANT to think. I really must reread the description of Alpha and see how they match.

I really like the way you have Zabini speaking. Even though we don't see much of him in canon, I can totally imagine him speaking like that. And I like the way you are building on minor characters. I'm looking forward to seeing how you interpret them.

Yikes, expecting them to have a potion brewed perfectly by their second day at Hogwarts is expecting a lot. Sounds like Zabini is a pretty demanding teacher.

And you've pretty much made it clear my theory was wrong, as Keane says there is a new lord, so if he is him, Zabini doesn't know and I'd imagine he would.

I think it should be "how many other Dracos do we know?" as it's a plural, not a possessive.

Hmm, there's a mystery to Daegan too. My immediate thought is that he's a werewolf, but I've no real reason to think that. There is a full moon the first week of September in 2017 though, so it would make sense he'd be ill near the start of term if he were.

Hmm, with the sound that's almost like a bark, I'm beginning to wonder if my "out of nowhere" guess just might be correct.

Author's Response: Haha! Maybe this is mean, but I like your confusion about the plot. It's a mystery story after all. :)
They have stuff like the mouse in the biology dept. at my school, and I remember Snape had weird floating stuff in jars.
I typed this up on Word, so when I put in 'Dracos' it automatically put in the inverted comma. I'll get that.
I'll say this: you're not the only one who has suspicions about Daegan.
Ooh I feel so mean, not telling, but it'd ruin half the plot! Keep guessing.


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Review #20, by MargaretLane The Hat Hates its Job

31st January 2014:
I always love sorting chapters and I'm particularly looking forward to this one, both because I want to know if the twins are in the same house and because of the title, which is intriguing.

I'm half expecting the fact that one twin is called Severus to be a hint he'll end up in Sytherin and Albus maybe in Gryffindor. Oh well, I'll find out soon enough.

Love the way you characterise Hagrid. His reference to something being one of his dad's sayings sounds just like him.

I'm also looking forward to meeting your teachers. I'm guessing a fair number of them are new if a man in his thirties is already Deputy Headmaster. Of course, he might just be exceptionally good. I have met even principals not much older, let alone deputies, but it still makes me suspect you might have cleared out a lot of the canon teachers. For some reason, I also like reading about new teachers.

And I like the fact that Neville points out that just because Voldemort was evil doesn't mean all Slytherins are. It sounds like something Neville would do.

Hmm, with the mention of Rose fitting Ravenclaw, I'm now wondering if the characters will be spread out among a number of houses. If there were four, I'd suspect you were going to put one in each and show a show of house unity, but with five, that obviously can't happen. Well, you could have one in each, but one would have to have two. I'm kind of suspecting Rose might be in Ravenclaw, Albus in Gryffindor and Severus in Slytherin though. I haven't seen enough of the OCs to guess where they might be and I'm probably going to be completely wrong anyway.

Hmm, this is really weird. How did Albus hear what the hat was saying to Severus. I know they are twins, but I still suspect there is more to it.

Something about Professor Keane reminds me of Alpha. If he were planning to come to Hogwarts as a teacher though, he wouldn't have needed his son to spy, unless he just said that to Draco to explain why he didn't need Scorpius to spy. He doesn't appear to completely trust Draco, so he might not want to tell him his plans.

I'm getting suspicious of everything now. *laughs* But I have a feeling there's a reason you had that teacher start this year.

LOVE the idea of a student teacher and Hogwarts REALLY needs a better History of Magic teacher. I won't go on a rant about Binns, although I could. He doesn't even realise myths are important historical sources!

I think Rose is being a little foolish here. Albus should DEFINITELY tell and he wouldn't get in trouble, because worst case scenario, it could make it a lot easier to identify the guy, unless the tattoo was a fake or something. I think it is realistic she'd think he was overreacting and not think it's worth telling anybody though, as it doesn't seem important and after all, she IS only 11.

Love the way Albus can't think of the word "telepathy" at first.

Author's Response: I just remembered Hagrid talking about how much his dad meant to him when I was writing this chapter... and a poster on my classroom wall last year... and boom!
Yes there IS more to that than at first. I kinda took the twin-thing where people say they can tell what they other is thinking, and, eh, well.
The reason he starts is so he can teach, right? :P
I always thought Binns should be replaced, and Ernie was the first canon character I thought would fit.
Yes, she is only 11. Remember, she's Ron's daughter as well as Hermione's.
And as it's a Muggle concept, he wouldn't know it very well.


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Review #21, by MargaretLane An Interesting Start to Term

31st January 2014:
Sorry, I've just realised something I said in my last review was wrong. The whole "only things Lucius wasn't afraid of" is perfectly correct. Sorry, can't edit it now.

And thanks for clarifying the pronunciation of Daegan's name. That's probably how I would pronounce it, but it's good to be certain.

Hmm, I'm now really wondering what houses the boys will be in. It'd be interesting if they ended up in different ones.

And this kind of answers my question as to what Scorpius will be like. *laughs*

I think it is really interesting to have a Dark Lord with a son. It sort of adds another dimension to him and makes him less of a simple villain. We are left wondering what he's like as a father. Is he close to his son or is he just using him?

And I really like the way Scorpius mocks the boys for being twins.

Rose herself isn't pureblood, as her maternal grandparents are Muggles. I guess she is referring to her wider family, but it might be clearer if she said "my father's family is pureblood."

LOVE the way Rose half knows the connection with Gaunt. It makes sense that she would have heard something but might not remember the details.

Wow, I really didn't expect anything like the train being stopped. I should have guessed the title meant something, but I guess I just assumed it meant meeting Scorpius and Gaunt and all.

I think this is likely to be a pretty good mystery story, as already I am coming across things that don't mean anything to me until they are explained and then have me thinking, "oh HOW did I miss that?" And those are just the things where the answer is revealed this early. I'm sure the solution will have me reacting like that a lot more.

MIM - hmm, I wonder what that stands for.

Author's Response: Thanks for clearing the pureblood thing up, I wasn't really sure about that.
I'm glad it's a good mystery story - that's what I was hoping for. I'm glad you're getting those hints. :)
Like I said in my other response, NO SPOILERS! Although I will say that nobody else in my story (apart from Alpha's gang)knows what it means either. ;)


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Review #22, by MargaretLane The Graveyard

31st January 2014:
I really like the villain you have invented as the new Lord. A grandson of Morfin's is a good deal easier to make realistic than a son of Voldemort's and it's more original (not that the former is impossible or anything, but still).

The part about Drumstrang also makes sense and explains why we've never heard of this character.

I wonder why he wants Draco so badly that he is willing to risk Draco handing the letter over to the Aurors. Interesting.

I like the fact that Draco's first concern is for Scorpius. I sort of feel sorry for him. He was pushed into doing Voldemort's bidding out of fear for his parents and now it looks like he might be pushed into doing this guy's out of fear for Scorpius.

It would be better to just report it. After all, there is no evidence at all this guy is any danger yet. But I guess it's in-character for Draco to respond as he does. After all, his family have never been particularly close to people like Kingsley and Harry and after what happened with Voldemort and the dangers his family faced, it makes sense he'd be reluctant to put his family at risk with another Dark Lord, even if there's as yet no indication this guy's anything but a wannabe. I'm guessing he'll turn out to be more though or there wouldn't be much of a story.

I do wonder if he's really who he claims to be though. I suspect he is, but it seems like a lot to give away in a letter to somebody he doesn't know will support him, so there is the possibility this person is just claiming relationship to Voldemort for their own ends.

One thing I've noticed is that you've written "the two things Lucius wasn't scared of." As there are two, it should be "weren't."

I like the fact he has become old before his time and is suffering psychological effects of what has happened. It makes sense considering the danger he brought his family into and then the time in Azkaban as well as their treatment at the hands of Voldemort. It makes sense it would have affected him.

Oh and I DO like the immediate connection to Hogwarts. We can see right away how Albus will be involved.

I'm wondering about Scorpius now and what side he will end up taking as he gets older. It looks like he isn't going to know what he is contributing.

Wasn't Crabb killed in the Battle of Hogwarts?

I do like the fact he chose the name Alpha. It immediately shows his arrogance.

And yikes, he has a son. I actually didn't notice that he said he was the second last. This could get interesting.

Hmm, I think it is interesting that Lucius says fearing death is irrational, though I guess after the life he's had, death might not seem so bad. I think he would probably have feared death in his youth.

And I love the comment that Draco wished he could be young again and see his father well. That makes a lot of sense.

And I've a feeling Lucius's telling Draco to trust himself will turn out to be significant. Whether it will encourage Draco to stand up to this new Dark Lord or encourage him to get deeper into the Dark Arts or something else entirely, I don't know, but I have a feeling it will influence his behaviour in some way.

Author's Response: Draco doesn't hand in the letter because he's scared of what Alpha might do to him if he turns him in and the Aurors don't catch him.
Yeah, Crabbe was killed in the battle. I wrote this ages ago for a different story and then re-wrote, but I forgot about the Crabbe bit. I figured I'd just leave it in and not have Crabbe anywhere else, but I can take him out if it bothers people. :)
Lucius mainly says that to comfort Draco, but it could be for other reasons...or not...
The 'trust yourself' may or may not influence him - no spoilers!
Thanks for the review :)


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Review #23, by MissesWeasley123 The Graveyard

24th January 2014:
Hey there! I'm here from the review the person above you thread in the common room :) Welcome to Gryffindor!

For your first fan fiction, I think you're doing extraordinarily well :) There are so many nice things about this chapter :) I think the best being, your idea. It's really unique, and I'm really looking forward to how you're going to keep it all 12+ too! This is so intense! From the fright and uncertainty.. there are so many things that truly make this such an excellent story.

Before I go on, I'd like to address some typos, and a bit of feedback. :)

First of all, I loved Astoria's character, but you spelled her name wrong a couple of times :) It's Astoria not Asteria. No biggie though!

Another thing was your placement of commas! Haha, I love commas so, so, SO much, and I use them a lot. There were a couple instances, like this one, where the comma shouldn't be there:

Lucius Malfoy's mind, in his old age, had shut down, leaving a shell of a man who mumbled incoherently and was scared of the slightest of things. -- the comma after "mind" disturbed the flow for me, but maybe I'm being a bit too picky :P

Honestly though, besides that I loved it. It was interesting to see how much Draco and Astoria both cared for Scorpius, and I'm really intrigued on who this relative could be! I... I think it might be... hm.. GAH. I really don't know! You did an excellent job at keeping up the suspense. Really well written, to be very honest. I'd appreciate a little bit more description, because it'd help increase the suspense and mystery even more!

You've brought forth a very interesting idea to the world on next gen! An excellent first chapter, very well done!

Author's Response: Thank you!
I'm glad you think it's original. I haven't read much fanfic so I was sure someone would have done something like this before. I'm hoping to get Albus and Co. through Hogwarts so later years may be above 12+.

I absolutely need to go back through and get those pesky typos. Thanks for the correct spelling of Astoria's name. That will be corrected immediately.

Thank you for the review!!! :D


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Review #24, by The Great Bean The Hat Hates its Job

11th January 2014:
I really enjoyed this chapter. It has reflections of JKR in the sorting ceremony but I don't think you could ever avoid that really. You have made it your own too - so very cleverly done there. I like the way you have kept it grounded in the original but with your own interpretations developing nicely. The conversations between the characters flow well. I wonder if you have introduced too many new people to the reader in a single chapter? Just a thought!
I love the way you have created the twin characters, Albus & Severus, and the new ability they are developing is very exciting. Lots of potential for interesting developments! Can't wait to see where you take this idea.
I only have one niggle - I thought the headmaster (and Hagrid) would have mentioned the attempted attack on the train. No one seems to have been bothered by this event much and I think that it would be a much bigger deal given that the wizarding world has been in 'peacetime' following the defeat of Voldemort.
Bring on the next chapter!

Author's Response: Hi! You're right, they probably would have said something about that... I'll go back ad maybe edit one or two bits. Thanks for the review :)

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Review #25, by HPreader The Graveyard

6th January 2014:
A whole new adventure begins at Hogwarts, this is an exciting start

Author's Response: Thank you for being my first reviewer! The next chapter is currently waiting to be validated so keep waiting for it! I'll upload two in a row probably to make up for the huge gap :)

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