Reading Reviews for Warfare
  
50 Reviews Found

Review #1, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing 9 September, 2022

15th March 2014:
Here again :D Couldn't resist! I'm also a bit gutted this is the last chapter... I hope you update soon!

So... lots of this chapter left me with questions! Fred seems to be completely out of character, being mean and then walking off. There's definitely something going off there!

Also this prank! So this must be Penelope but how has it been mistaken for James? Is it just because James is usually behind this stuff? Also Neville seemed to be acting strange, although great appearance from him there!!

I really like James as a character, it's nice to not see him kissing every girl that batters an eyelash at him. He knows what he wants and he's waiting... again a refreshing change for him.

So, another great chapter... I'm really excited about this plot and where you take it! I can't wait for an update!

Lauren :)
Gryffindor vs Slytherin Review 10 of 20

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Review #2, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing 7 September, 2022

15th March 2014:
Hi again.

So I really enjoyed this chapter too, we got to see more of Penelope and Chris's personality's in particular and I loved their dry humor. The conversation between them at the end was easy to read and very well written so well done to you!

I was wondering when Penelope and James would have their first encounter and I loved what you did here. So, not only was the meeting complete chance but it also meant that Penelope has even more of a reason to be annoyed at James and match his pranking skills which she clearly wants too... it's definitely going to be fun to see what happens Friday!

James did come across not very confident in this chapter... he was quite out of his depth with Penelope. I hope to see him stepping up to the challenge more as the story progresses! That being said though, I would have been majorly annoyed at him if he'd had ruined my work that way!

I can't wait to read more!

Lauren :)
Gryffindor vs Slythrin Review Battle review 9 of 20

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Review #3, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing 1 September, 2022

15th March 2014:
Hey! Me again!

So I was excited to see this chapter was from James's POV... I like it when authors switch things up.

I immediately like that James isn't interested in the celeb side to his name it feels a lot more real that way. He's also not the big heart throb of the story which is a refreshing change... I look forward to seeing what you do with that. Also, big shout out for Fred Weasley! I hope he's as every bit lovely as his name sake. I'm also very excited that Raph is Oliver Wood's son! I love Oliver so I can't wait to see more Raph.

Their plans are big, I love them. James and Fred are both willing to follow in the footsteps of their name sakes... excellent. I can't wait to see what mischief they get up to!

I also love that you managed to get the bit with the spider prank in there, it made the whole story gel really nicely. I can't wait for more!

Great job!

Lauren :)
Gryffindor vs Slytherin Battle Review 8 of 20

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Review #4, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing 1 September, 2022

15th March 2014:
Hey there!

I really enjoyed this first chapter! You did a great job of introducing your characters... all of them have a clear voice and personality which isn't easy to pull off so well done. You've also set the scene well so I'm excited to see what you come up with for Penelope's big plan! She's a good character and I like the way she thinks.

I am curious to her background though, it appears she's having a tough time at home... I get the feeling this will come up more though. The hints you gave us were good though, you didn't bombard us with information which was nicely done.

I like all the boys but Simon was so cute with his cookie butter... that sounds yummy!

James's prank sounds horrible - I hate spiders so I would absolutely hate that prank! It does sounds like he needs a new idea though!

So overall I really enjoyed this, it was interesting and well written. I can't wait to read more. Great job!

Lauren
Gryffindor vs Slytherin Review 7 of 20

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much for the review, and sorry it's so late. I've been busy :(

I'm really glad that you liked the way I introduced my characters, and that you like them as well! And cookie butter is the BEST.

Thank you again for reviewing! :)


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Review #5, by maraudertimes 9 September, 2022

13th March 2014:
Hello Monica!

Ohmigosh this was wonderful! I really loved your little spin on James and how he really does care about school work (which is lacking in so many fics). It was really cool to see how it was his mother who pestered him about it and how he really values his mother for not only carrying him during his unicellular phase and for nine months after, but also giving him life (and also for just being his mother because it's Ginny Potter - she's just awesome and everyone should worship her).

My poor Fred! What's been happening to him? He seems a little down and that's not good! At least his friends notice, and hopefully we (the readers) find out what's been going on soon so that we (meaning I) can freak out and mentally hug him. Side note: I really love Fred. His messy ways not translating to who he presents himself to the world? I'm not saying I totally relate, but... ;)

The prank! I loved seeing this side of it first, where James has no idea what's happening, because you've really made me step into his shoes for a moment and wonder "What just happened?" Obviously I knew what was going on, but I didn't know exactly what was happening prank wise, so to find out alongside James was a nice touch.

Another side note: Professor Longbottom, what is going on? Something's up...

Anyways, I loved this chapter just as I loved the last three and honestly, I just utterly adore this story. Update soon (I'll try to review it ASAP when you do), and keep on keeping on Monica, because your keeping on is awesome and leads to wonderfully written and exceptionally awesome chapters (and stories in general).

Great job! Absolutely magnificent chapter (and chapter image - it's stunning by the way)!
Lo :)

Author's Response: Hellooo!

I'm glad you really liked it! I thought that little bit about her carrying him around for nine months was a nice touch :)

I'm so glad you like Fred! No one has really said anything about him, and I'm really happy you like him!

You're too sweet :)

--Monica


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Review #6, by ReeBee 1 September, 2022

10th March 2014:
Hi there hun! I'm finally here with your requested review! Its been like 2 months! I cannot apologise enough! So so sorry! Do forgive me :/

On to the review then?

Characterisation: I like it! Good girl gone bad thing! You mentioned that you were worried about it being too cheesy, but i don't think it is! I remember sometime back (fish years?) all the stories used to be like the good girl gone bad thing, but they're not these days, so i think its lovely! I loved those types! The next thing you mentioned was whether they're likeable, and they totally are! I love love love Chris and Lewis and Simon! And Penelope! She seems awesome! :D So, there's not much to say in that area :) And james was super mega fantabulous! But, I haven't read a story where i haven't liked James :P I am crazy about him ;)

Description: I think you've done well! I get a well rounded, clear insight into most things! But i do think that describing things more deeply would be good? Like I can get a good feel of what the setting is and what they're thinking, but its sort of still like I'm the reader? and that works sometimes! But, i do think that it can be better if you went a bit deeper into the description (especially with emotions)?

Plot/Flow: Flow was awesome! I don't have anything to say about flow! And plot, well I sort of addressed this in characterisation, didnt i? Anyway, I think its really creative and i cant wait to see where you take it! :D

Dialogue: Awesome! It flows naturally, so kudos to you! :D I do think that the last part (with Penelope deciding to declare war) could be expanded? Like maybe take a bit more time to actually get to the place where Penelope agrees to challenge James? This could be done in the form of actual dialogue (with someone convincing her), or with her thoughts? Like just making a quick pros/cons list or something?

I really love what you've got here! Like really really really love! I really need to read on! But, i have other things to do urgently (hint, m-a-t-h-s :/ ) So, I'm super disappointed! But i can assure you, i will be reading on! :D

Oh and I'm so sorry if this is too harsh. Also super super super sorry for the time it took to get around to this! :(

-Curie :)

Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to review :)

-With description, I've kind of taken that off of my worry list. I want it to be limited to what my MC is thinking/seeing/experiencing, because at one point or another in my story, we get to see everyone's thoughts and their inner monologue. I thought it would be kind of worthless to do that if I just did a very broad spectrum of POVs in a chapter.

--That's a really good suggestion about the dialogue, thank you!

You weren't too harsh, no worries :) Thank you again!

--Monica


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Review #7, by anythingcouldhappen 1 September, 2022

7th March 2014:
Hi! I'm reviewing this for Blackout Bingo again :)

I loved seeing the other half of the pranking war that this year holds! They've definitely got to step up their game if they want to win! James and all his friends seem like likable guys, and I think you just need to make sure you keep developing them as you keep writing. They've all got a lot of potential!

Your descriptions were perfect! Everything in the scene just stood out so clearly to me. I think you do a great job with the action and dialogue just flowing really nicely :)
One thing I'm a little confused about--why is it James' last year? You gave reasons for all the Ravenclaws leaving, but why James? Forgive if I just missed it :P

My favorite part was when James was trying to persuade the other two to go along with his plan. He's clearly got a lot determination! I'm interested to learn where his "blaze of glory" takes him!

Great job!

Sam

Author's Response: Hi!

Yes, James and the Lions will all be developed a bit more later. They're a less talkative group, which means their back stories will be even richer than the Claws (maybe...)

It's James's last year because he's in seventh year :P It's James and Fred in seventh, Raph in sixth, and Liam in fifth. I thought it would be more realistic to have them in different years.

Thank you for reviewing! :)

--Monica


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Review #8, by Infinityx 1 September, 2022

7th March 2014:
Monica! Why would you ever think you have a problem with writing? :o This was such an amazing chapter. Seriously, it was brilliantly written.

I love how you've characterized all the boys, especially James. He so clearly has his father's cheekiness and he's inherited the Marauder-ness as well! I love that line where he denies that he's a Potter. It was a wonderful detail to add and it seems so perfect for his character to not want to be known as Harry Potter's son.

The flow here was excellent. I'm kind of envious. You make the conversation and dialogues between the characters flow with so much ease. It was perfect.

I love how James' friends are described. Each of their reactions to James' little 'speech' was so much fun to read!
Fred cried out, grabbing James by the shoulders and shaking him.
James just smirked, clutching onto Fred's shoulders in response...

I could just picture this scene in front of me. The characterizations are flawless and your descriptions are seamless. Brilliant. In other stories that I've read, James is portrayed as excessively cocky and arrogant, but I think this slightly mellower version of him is perfect, although I don't know how his friends don't get annoyed sometimes. :D

Hahaha! The jellybean bit was awesome! It's a wonderful note to end the chapter on, and a powerful one as well, despite its simplicity. I really don't have any CC to give you. I think this was lovely to read.

And I love the Lions' personalities as much as the 'Claws!

Don't ever stop writing. :)

~Erin

Author's Response: Hey Erin!

Thank you so much for reviewing! I tried to make them all their own unique individual and write something different than what I have read before concerning James and the others.

You are too nice :) Thank you so much again for reviewing! It means a lot!

-Monica


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Review #9, by ShadowRose 9 September, 2022

7th March 2014:
Hello, I'm back again for Blackout Bingo! I figured I'd just knock this whole story out while I was at it. :)

Yay, we're back in James's point-of-view! I love him, although I really love Penelope too, so I guess it's really just a win-win either way. I really like that you emphasized how much he wanted to do well for his mother - he's such a mama's boy, and I think that's totally adorable. It kind of counteracts his prankster image and shows off his softer side. I think it's kinda funny that he hasn't had a girlfriend yet, but he definitely seems like the type too caught up in other things to focus on finding a serious girlfriend just yet, and he's definitely not spontaneous enough to go snog a random girl, like Fred does. Okay, I actually love this line: "I want a girl that can stimulate my brain, not my loins." It's just really funny.

Okay, so Fred definitely has a secret. I don't know what, but there's definitely some sketchy behaviour going on. I can't wait to see what secret he's hiding, but for now, I guess I'll jsut have to be content with watching him act weirdly instead. There was also something off with Professor Longbottom - are the two different incidents related somehow? Oh well, I guess I'll just have to wait to find out!

I see that Penelope and her friends have started something - I'm assuming that Bludger thing was her idea. After all, what better way to initiate a war than to use the real version of what he already hit her with? I can't wait to see how this plays out, and given the way this chapter ended, I get the feeling he's going to run smack into it sometime soon.

Overall, this was another great chapter, and I'm really excited to see where you go with this story. I can't wait for the next chapter!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)

Author's Response: HI!

Thank you for reviewing :)

I tried to make James different from what I read on here, so I'm glad to see that it's working!

Fred does have a secret. In fact, everyone has a secret that will all be revealed in time.

I'm so happy that you like this! Sorry my responses are totally rubbish right now. Really off my game lately :(

--Monica


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Review #10, by ShadowRose 7 September, 2022

7th March 2014:
Hello, back again for Blackout Bingo!

Okay, I've forgotten how much I like Penelope. First of all, I totally symptahise with her on the whole library thing - I spend an inordinate amount of time in bookstores and libraries because everything just makes sense there, you know? So automatically this chapter started off on a good note. :)

You've definitely showed Penelope's frustration here, and her attempts to try to block it all out, which is, of course, ruined by James. It's actually kinda funny that just last chapter James said he'd never get caught, and then he gets both himself and Penelope kicked out of the library. So much for stealth...

I think the interactions you've created here are great. You've captured Penelope's irritation quite well - her mannerisms are definitely something I could see myself doing in that situation - I mean, not only did he slam her with pieces of paper, but he ruined a whole essay, and I'm pretty sure I'd be livid at that point. The poor guy's so confused as to how to react, but hey, he kinda deserved it for what he did.

I love the interaction with her friends as well - they're such a great group despite their different personalities and ages. I love the friendly banter between them all, particularly Chris and Penelope when they get into Potions discussion. Their conversations are all just so friendly and natural and overall fun to read, so I'm glad you included that in this chapter.

Overall, this was another really great chapter, and I'm headed right on to the next one!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)

Author's Response: Hi!

I'm glad that you could relate to her. This is my aim with all my characters :)

I'm excited to know that I am successful in all these areas that you are talking about! I'm trying really hard to make this as relatable and real as possible, from certain reactions to interactions with all the group members.

Thank you for reviewing :)

--Monica


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Review #11, by ShadowRose 1 September, 2022

7th March 2014:
Hello! I'm here for the Blackout Bingo!

I really do like how you've characterized James here. He's definitely got that crazy, mischievous streak, but he's still shown as a genuinely nice person who cares about his friends, and he doesn't try to use his father's fame to his advantage, rather, he tries to deny it completely. I think it creates a really well-rounded character, and I think it's nice to see James's point-of-view here, because now I've kind of grown to like him, whereas with Penelope's point-of-view, we only see that he's a nuisance. That's one of the things I love best about stories that change point-of-view - you get to see different sides of different characters - and I think it works really well in this story.

I like James's friends here too. They all have very different personalities, which makes them very easily distinguishable. Fred's definitely the wild one, as illustrated by the jellybean incident, whereas Raph is the Quidditch-obsessed one, and Liam's the quiet, bookish one. I like that you see how James gets along with each of them though, because it does kind of help to show the different facets of his personality.

I'm a bit interested to see what "the greatest troublemakers in all of Hogwarts" have up their sleeves, and how the Claws react. I can already tell that the plot here is going to be great fun. I think you've contrasted the two groups well, but also showed their similarities - in both groups, there are a ton of different personalities, and one obvious ringleader (Penelope and James, respectively). I can't wait to see how the story unfolds.

This was a great read, and I can't wait to go on to the next chapter!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)

Author's Response: Hi!

I really tried to give that feel of perspective in this story. I wanted the reader to see what Penelope thought of James and then they got a chance to see him as a person and everything goes all topsy turvy, doesn't it?

Thank you so much for the kind words :) Glad to see you are enjoying it.

--Monica


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Review #12, by nott theodore 9 September, 2022

6th March 2014:
Hello again!

Ooh, things are really starting to hot up now! I like seeing the switch in perspective as I think you use it well to build on the story and advance the plot. I meant to say earlier that I also like the chapter titles - it reminds me of a timeline of important events that happen in a war and so ties into the whole theme of the story very well!

Your descriptions in this chapter were really good, I loved reading about the events and I think your writing style suits this sort of story very well.

The characterisation of James was really interesting, too. He seems more studious (secretly) than most people portray him, and I wonder in a way whether part of what he does with the pranks is to live up to the reputation that other people have created for him. Here he seemed to have absolutely no idea what was going on, and it kind of made me laugh to see that! I'm back to feeling a bit sorry for him again though now, so this point of view switching is making me change my mind depending on which character I feel closer to :P

If it's not just me, there was something off with how Fred was behaving today... I'm even wondering if it's Polyjuice Potion, and someone in disguise? I'm not sure, but there was something confusing with Neville as well, when James mentioned Liam. And then there's this prank which everyone's crediting James with but he clearly didn't do - my guess is that Penelope was involved and maybe the prank war could get even more serious if James starts getting the blame for everything, even those he doesn't do!

Sian :)

Blackout Bingo 11/15

Author's Response: I was hoping that these POV switched would give the reader more insight not just how the character sees themselves but other characters. Very different, no?

Haha, thank you so much for the lovely reviews. I'm happy to see that you're enjoying the story so far.

--Monica


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Review #13, by nott theodore 7 September, 2022

6th March 2014:
Hi again! I thought I'd take advantage of the competition to catch up on the rest of this story, because I've really enjoyed the first two chapters when I've read them!

I loved the way that you set the scene in the library and the general sense of contentment that Penelope seemed to get while she was there - I can definitely relate to that, even though I'm not a 'Claw! Everything seemed to be going so well for a moment that I was sure something would happen to ruin it - this story is called Prank Wars, after all! And of course, James comes along...

The poor boy seemed genuinely surprised at her reaction! I felt a bit sorry for him, but then I remembered that he managed to erase her whole essay (which would have made me so mad!) and got her kicked out of the library, and that pretty much got rid of most of my sympathy at that point :P He didn't seem to know what to do, though, when she was mad at him - I guess not many people seem to stand up to him!

The second part was really good as well, I liked the way that the friends all interact with each other. Your dialogue sounds really natural and believable and flows very well, and I thought you got the way that friends tease each other across well. I'm excited for seeing what's going to happen in the prank war, since Penelope now has a lot more motivation for it! It could be very exciting!

Sian :)

Blackout Bingo 10/15

Author's Response: Hi! I'm excited to hear that you're enjoying the story so far :) I've been doing a LOT of reworking on it.

I work hard to make sure all of it flows smoothly and read naturally. I'm really happy that you think I'm succeeding!

Thank you for reviewing and good luck on the blackout!

--Monica


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Review #14, by luciusobsessed 9 September, 2022

5th March 2014:
Great job with this chapter! Your descriptions from the start are meticulous enough to paint a picture of what's exactly happening without making it monotonous.

I love the characterization of James and especially Fred. The way you went about hinting that something was off about him was done in a way that wasn't too obvious. I really like how you deviated from the idea of a cliche James who only cares about girls.

I'm guessing it was Penelope who cursed that Bludger, which is her way of initiating this war with James. I'm looking forward to the next chapter and figuring out why everyone was acting so strangely. I also hope that Peeves targets James and makes him angry, leading James to have a boiling confrontation with Penelope. I love the dramatics :))

luciusobsessed

Author's Response: Thank you so much!

I tried my hardest to make a James that wasn't what was out there. I've read him being either a total prankster with no regard for school work, or I've read of him being head boy and a stickler for the rules. I wanted a nice marriage between the two worlds :)

Ah yes, keep guessing! This is fun! :)


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Review #15, by BookDinosaur 7 September, 2022

4th March 2014:
Hello there! It's BookDinosaur with your requested review from the forums. :D

Ah, I loved this chapter. I can completely relate to Penelope's love of the library, and while it might not be for exactly the same reasons I'm so glad I now have a fellow library-lover. The way that Penelope was just trying her best to relax and breathe and not think about stuff like her mother's cancer really set the scene well, you can immediately grasp that she's been having a bad day. There aren't many authors I know who can convey so much with simple sentences and words, so major kudos to you for that!

Oh dear, James is up to his mischiief-making again. :P And oh dear, Penelope doesn't seem too happy with his either. That's happened to me a couple of times, I accidentally hit the back button on my browser and whatever I'm typing, PM or review is gone. :( So poor Penelope, yes I can definitely feel for her there!

Aw bless, James just seems to want to be forgiven, but Penny is just too annoyed with him. James actually looks a little surprised to me, as if he's not used to people getting mad at him, and that's so so believable and well done because you know, he's the Chosen One's Son and all that. The interaction between the two of them, James and Penelope, was really nicely written and it set the groundwork so well for any future encounters, I'm really looking forward to it. :)

Yay, we get to see a bit of the Claw group! I really enjoy seeing them together because their interactions are just so friendly and natural it cheers me up a little. :P And ooh, we're starting to see things heating up between James and Penelope and their prank war, looking forward to it!

All in all, this was a really great chapter, I was about as nitpicky as I ever get while reading this and there was nothing really that jumped out at me so kudos to you and this was a lovely chapter to read, I'm glad I had the chance to. :)

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so glad that you liked this chapter!

I was hoping that everything was transitioning smoothly, and I'm happy that you think it all works well togethr so far. Hopefully no one gets confused.

I tried really hard to make everything relateable and realistic (well, as realistic as I could get with HP) and I'm glad to see that it worked! Thank you so much for your input, I will keep working hard on this story!

--Monica


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Review #16, by keyty 9 September, 2022

1st March 2014:
This is a really strong chapter. I've probably already said this, but you're a very good writer. You have great description and a very strong voice. I rarely read Next Gens, but I'm interested to see what happens next here. I can't think of any cc because you've written this expertly! I love the bit about the red hair, how even James has it in his black hair. I'm also interested to see what's going on with Fred, there's obviously something there we'll see more of. Like I said, great chapter. Please come back to re-request! :)

Author's Response: Aww thank you so much! I worked hard on making this chapter almost perfect :) Glad to see that you enjoyed it! I will re-request when I get the next chapter up :)

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Review #17, by nott theodore 1 September, 2022

1st March 2014:
Hi there! I thought I'd take the chance of this Battle to come back and leave a review on the second chapter of you story, since I really enjoyed the first one!

Your characterisation was really interesting here. After the chapter from the Ravenclaws' perspective I thought that James would seem like a really annoying person, but here he seemed like someone who was actually nice, who didn't really enjoy the fame that his father's name brought him (which is really interesting and different to a lot of other stories), and was just quite childish and mischievous, as witnessed by the pranking ideas!

I liked the other friends of James' as well, especially Fred. I have a definite soft spot for him and the two of them seem a bit like the James and Sirius of their generation, which I like to see in stories, especially when they're about a prank war! Their other friends were great too, I like how serious Raph is about Quidditch, just like his father! One thing I liked about his characterisation was that he was so obsessed with Quidditch he didn't want to risk detention or losing his captaincy, because it makes sense to have the different personalities in the group. With Liam as well, I think you got the balance between them really well.

These plans for planking the year seem so innocent when I think that the Ravenclaws have planned to prank against them, and I think that it's going to be really interesting to see what happens next with the prank war! I think Hogwarts is in for a lot of fun this year!

Sian :)

Gryffindor vs. Slytherin Battle review 4/10

Author's Response: Hi! First of all, thank you so much for reviewing!

I wanted to bring familiar but different characters to the table. Like you said, there are many fics out there that portray James II very much like James I. He loves the lime light, he enjoys attention, and I did work that into my story but with a twist. I'm glad to see that you noticed that.

Overall, I'm happy to see that you enjoyed my second chapter and I'd like to thank you again for choosing this one to read :)

--Monica


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Review #18, by anythingcouldhappen 1 September, 2022

1st March 2014:
Hi! I'm reviewing this for Blackout Bingo :)

This is great! Seriously I love this! It was such an interesting beginning, and really well-written. I like that you started out with a group of OC's rather than the next-gen kids. They seems like a really fun and close group of friends, which is awesome. Oh and cookie butter? That stuff is amazing. I am craving it now, thanks to you.

It makes me sad that her mom has cancer, but I think it adds a level to the story and makes it a little more than just pure fluff. The best humor stories are the ones that can write about serious things in the midst of the comedy and not make it too depressing or too trifling. I think you can pull that off :)
I'm so curious to see where the plan goes, and whether or not they'll be able to out-prank James. James is probably my favorite next-gen kid, so I can't wait to see how you write him!

Your writing is very good--very easy to read and interesting, with good descriptions and dialogue. I couldn't find any grammar or spelling mistakes or anything! *high five*

Sorry I can't offer you any CC, but this was awesome! I'm definitely adding it to my reading list.

Sam

Author's Response: Oh wow! Thank you! :) This was such a lovely review!

And yes, cookie butter is AMAZING.

OCs are my favorite to write because there is so much I can do with them. Chris has to be my favorite to write so far.

*High five!*

I'm honored to be on your reading list :) And thank you again for reading and reviewing. Very sweet:)

--Monica


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Review #19, by newgenerationlover 9 September, 2022

26th February 2014:
Really interesting story! I love it!! I absolutely cannot wait to keep reading!!

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing! The next chapter should be up soon! :)

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Review #20, by Infinityx 1 September, 2022

15th February 2014:
Hi there! I'm here for the review you requested!

I really like your writing style. I don't think I found any mistakes with grammar or flow in this chapter. It was wonderfully written.

I love each of the characters in this story. They each have their own, unique personalities, and it's absolutely lovely that they're such close friends.

I hope this isn't actually Penelope's last year. But if it is, I'm sure it'll be a very memorable one with such amazing friends.
I especially love Chris.
"I won't be able to go to school if I get thrown into Azkaban for trying to break into Gringotts. And just before the dementors come down to suck my soul out, I'll scream, 'It was all for you, Penelope!'"
Hahah, quite the dramatic one, isn't he? :D I love that line!

The lighthearted tone of the story is great and it really lifted my mood as well. I think the best part of the chapter is the way you've depicted the tight friendship and that alone makes me want to read on. :)

Oooh, James is the typical prankster in this. And Penelope seems like a smart one, not to mention competitive. I'm sure their year is going to be filled with a lot of brilliant pranking! It's so clear that this story is going to be completely filled with humor and with the way you've written it, it flows perfectly.

I'm not a big NextGen fan myself, but I would want to read this just to see how things proceed. I hope that answers your question about whether it's enough to keep the reader interested. :)

Wonderful work and good luck with the story!

~Erin

Author's Response: Hi!

I'm really glad that you ended up liking my characters and my writing style. I worked hard trying to find out the best way to go writing a humor fic, but this will get a lot heavier in the middle worn the drama, so enjoy the light hearted spirit while it lasts!

Thank you for taking the time to review:)

--Monica


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Review #21, by BookDinosaur 1 September, 2022

6th February 2014:
Hello there! Im here with your requested review from the forums. :)

Oky, I'll start with James, because he's our main character. I really really loved the subtle way you showed us that he doesn't relly like the fame and the limelight of being Harry Potter's son by quicky denying it when the young boy asked him, it was small and only a sentence or two but it really got the message across. I find it interesting how brash he acts in front of his friends, as well - he seemed much quieter in front of just his family, although that might be just me imagining things. :P Either way, I think you've done a fantastic job with James' characterisation,so well done to you there!

The rest of his friends seem really nice as well. We it mirrors the original Marauders a bit in my mind. I know you can't fully introduce all four people in one chapter, but you did a really good job with laying out the foundations for their personalities simply, so we know who's who. There's pretty much no chance of me mixing the four of them up, and their personalities definitely don't seem dull compared to the Claws', so kudos to you there as well!

There was one thing which confused me a little, when James said 'I leave the school in a blaze of glory, while you all get to bask in the glow that is fame until you all graduate.' Does this mean that James is a Seventh Year, while all the reast of his gang are Sixth Years I mean, it's plausible of course, but it seems a little odd for someone like James not to have friends in his own year group.

The interations between the groups of friends seem really well done as well, everything seems very natural and flows really well, they all seemed to have ben friends for a long time, which was perfect. I love how James was so determined to do this pranking thing and how he just demanded Raph and Liam's help without taking 'no' for an answer, haha.

Oh, and that thing with the beans at the end was hilarious, and I think it did a great job with helping the characterisation of Fred. He really is one of those spontaneous, I-don't-think-things-through-but-let's-all-roll-with-it type of people, isn't he? Hehe.

All in all, I think this was a really nice chapter, I really enjoyed reading it and look forward to reading some more! :D

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm glad you like James :) I took a lot of time in trying to figure out his characterization and background story. Thank Merlin they all different! I was worried about that.

That tidbit was already written ahead of time before I really knew how I was going to go on with this fic. It kind of went unnoticed during editing. James has Fred in his year, but you'll see as the story progresses why James doesn't have many friends, especially in his year.

Fred is actually one of my favorite to write, so I'm happy you like him as well :)

Thanks for reviewing!

--Monica


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Review #22, by monstrosity 1 September, 2022

5th February 2014:
Hello again!

It's nice to see the situation from the perspective of the other gang now. Again, there's a mixed bag of characters although I have to say, this group really resembles the original marauders. Except for Peter, of course. You have James Sirius who is the James Potter of the group. Freddie is the Sirius Black and Liam is the Remus Lupin. Raph is the unique addition to the group and probably my favourite of the lot. Hot-headed and quidditch mad, he's sure to have an interesting role in this plot!

That being said, the other boys sound very interesting as well. Freddie of course is quite the joker in the gang. Not very well at thinking things through, as Liam said, but lovable all the same.
Liam is probably the one who makes sure things don't get too out of hand.

James is actually a nice person, despite my initial expectations of him. I assumed that he was going to be a bit nasty towards others, but he's not at all like that. He's just a boy who wants to have fun...at other people's expense. I quite like how he doesn't want to be associated with the fame the Potter surname gives a person. I also like how he included Liam in their gang, despite the others not knowing him well enough.

I'm eagerly waiting for the moment when the two gangs meet. They are so similar and different at the same time. While both groups have the same goal in mind, the Claws are more practical about the whole thing and really make a plan before attempting to do anything. The Gryffindors, being the perfect Gryffindors they are, just sort of go with the flow. It's going to be interesting to see how these two approaches work out in the future!

I'm glad that you haven't jumped into the pranks before describing a bit about the pranksters. It sort of eases the reader into the story, which is a great way to keep them reading. There's also this element of anticipation. I'm so curious to know what pranks are in store!

Overall, this was a great chapter. The lovely banter, occasional description and sly comments made the story very enjoyable. I hope this review was a bit helpful and feel free to re-request!

-Sathya

Author's Response: Oh hi! Thank you for reviewing!

I'm glad that you enjoyed my lovely Lions :) I'm actually glad you expected that from James, because it's what I wanted the reader to think, only to read and realize that he's not a complete jerk. He really is a nice person, but he's flawed. I actually never looked at them as Marauder-esque, and now that you pointed it out I can definitely see it! Way to go, Monica's subconscious :)

I am really happy that you liked this chapter, and you did help me :) thank you!

--Monica


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Review #23, by LightLeviosa5443 1 September, 2022

4th February 2014:
Hi! I'm so so sorry that I'm so late with this review!

Can I just say first off that I loved this line in the very beginning of the story? "his cousin by birth and best friend by choice, Fred Weasley,"

I'm just commenting as I go along, so don't mind me, I'll get to the real stuff at the end. These snarky comments are so fabulous. Like the Well played, Liam in there? Ugh. Awesome. I'm really digging this story. James is so funny, I can see the family relation in there, too. Sassy like his dad, and mischevious like his grandpa. You're doing a great job with characterization!

Oldie but goldie. Love it. You're fantastic. I love how this connects so well with the previous chapter. I'll have to go re-read it to get the full-effect. (I'm so sorry this took me so long!)

Ah.. Liam is a Longbottom. How did I not get that? I'm daft sometimes, I swear it. This is great so far. James and Fred are making me cry laughing. Which means you're making me cry laughing. Which I swear doesn't happen often. I do cry when something sad happens though, a lot, so that wouldn't be shocking. Sorry, I'm getting distracted. Back to reviewing.

THE LIONS' PERSONALITIES ARE TOTALLY JUST AS LOVEABLE AS THE CLAWS! Sorry. I got enthusiastic. But this chapter was awesome. Don't change a thing. James and Fred were so so so so so awesome, I loved their friends, and I think that everyone in that group fit together so perfectly. And it's a delightful difference from the other group previously mentioned in the chapter before this. I wouldn't worry about their personalities.

This was brilliant!!!

Oh and I probably said this last review, but that banner is amazing!

xoxo Sarah

Author's Response: Oh, that's fine :) I'm not too bad about waiting haha

You're making me blush, girl! I'm so flattered that you like my story and that you actually find it funny haha. I mean, I was hoping to make it funny, but I didn't know if I could pull it off.

I wasn't trying to make Liam seem too much like Neville, and you'll see why really far down the road, so don't feel bad if you didn't know if he was a Longbottom haha.

HERE I'M IN ALL CAPS SO YOU CAN SEE THAT I'M JUST AS ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT YOUR REVIEW AS YOU ARE ABOUT MY STORY! YAY!

You did say that, and thank you :)

--Monica


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Review #24, by monstrosity 1 September, 2022

2nd February 2014:
Here with a review! Sorry for the delay!

A prank war story! Was this a Nano novel by any chance? It seems rather familiar for some reason. I was going through some of the Nano entries and I thought this was one of them. Sorry if I'm mistaken. Okay, jumping right into your areas of concern. I'm going to tackle them one by one.

Firstly, the characterization. I think that all your characters are very unique at the moment. Penelope seems like a lovely girl, who despite a horrible summer job and a very sick mother, still manages to have fun with her 'Bumbling band of Buffoons' (lovely alliteration, by the way). She has this air of quiet efficiency about her, which makes her quite a deadly prankster. Come to think of it, with her apparent clean record no one would ever suspect her. What a character!

Then you have Chris who is by far my most favourite character in the story, despite Prank-master Penelope. He is capable of diffusing any tense situation with his playful banter. He seems to know exactly what to say to cheer Penelope up. If only we all had such a good friend.

The last two characters in their little group have only served to provide comic relief and support at this point although I'm interested in seeing more development of their personalities later.

I like the introduction of James and cannot wait to read more about him. You've made him the stereotypical prankster, but I do hope that there is more to him than creating disturbances ;) As you said, more character development is sure to come, so there really isn't anything to worry about in terms of characterization.

In terms of capturing the readers' attention, I think that you did a pretty good job. The witty and entertaining banter explained introduced the characters and the plot without bogging the reader down. We know what the main idea of the story is going to be, so it's a great beginning! Also, there's a level of anticipation to see what prank Penelope has in mind, which is a great way for ensuring that the readers move to the next chapters.

I think that the story is pretty believable at this point. What I would recommend is that while the prank war is the main focus of the story, it should not be the only focus. Try using the prank war as a front to let the readers know more about the characters and the relationships between them. Other than that, I think the story is really awesome so far :) I cannot wait to see where you go with this! I hope that this review was helpful and do feel free to request again!

-Sathya

Author's Response: It was my NaNo novel! At the time I had a different forum name, though.

I'm glad you're enjoying my characters so far. I'm trying to make them really different, and it kind of pains me that I can't make them as deep as I want to yet. A the story goes on their stories develop and everyone gets to see what my characters have been going through, what they're all about, etc.

The prank was is definitely not my main focus. My main focus is to tell each of my character's stories. They all come from different families and backgrounds, and they all get to tell their story in their own time. The pranking is just the glue that holds everything together. While it remains a humor fic right now, the drama will come later.

Thanks for reviewing, and I'm glad that you liked this :)

--Mon


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Review #25, by ohmymerlin 1 September, 2022

2nd February 2014:
Hello again! Sorry for the slight delay on this!

Okay, James seems interesting. He just seems like a normal kid who is a little too mischievous. :p I liked how he told the second year that he wasn't James Potter, lucky he has a common name and CAN get away with that, unlike his brother, ahaha :p

He doesn't seem overly nasty - I kind of got that impression from Penelope in the last chapter - but rather quite a nice person.

Fred also seems quite interesting. Seems very laid back and chilled but a pretty good friend. Although, I think that was not a smart move wasting all those jellybeans :p

haha, for Raph I honestly thought you kept misspelling 'Ralph' but then you revealed his full name and it made a lot more sense :p I like his dedication to Quidditch - seeing as he is Oliver Wood's son. I have to admit, having Oliver Wood's children obsessed with Quidditch can sometimes be a bit overdone but so far you've made it fit easily and it doesn't feel too forced. Although, as a half Italian myself I totally agree we can get too intense sometimes. Especially with our crazy hand movements, haha :p

I find it a bit sad that Liam is really only in that friendship group because of James but I like that you've made James value Liam as a good friend. I have a funny feeling he and Lewis would get along quite well.

I can totally see the parallels between the two groups but you haven't made it too forced and it fits in effortlessly so good job on that!

As you said this is still an introductory chapter so I feel like there isn't too much for me to comment on, sorry! However, this is very good and really makes me want to read more, even though it's just the beginning so well done!

10/10 :)

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Hey, no worries.

James is an interesting character... as are all the Gryffies. They aren't as boisterous as the Claws with their personalities, but their stories run so deep and those things will definitely be brought up soon.

Haha! I got that a lot when showing people this story! I should have thought about that before I named him Raphaelo LOL

It's sad, but besides Fred, Liam is James's oldest friend. That will definitely be touched on later, and their will be more development there as time goes on.

Thanks for reviewing, and I'm happy that you liked it :)

--Mon


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