172 Reviews Found

Review #1, by oldershouldknowbetter The One With The End Of A Friendship

23rd January 2015:
Review#26: the review which makes it all worth while.


Again Abigail has stayed up all night working on her comic. I really, really want to read that comic.

Abigail is reminded of the day’s Quidditch match by Michelle. Michelle is blunt and it seems she tries to gee Abigail up, but when Abigail refuses her request and stands up to her firmly she leaves the dorm without a further word.

Abigail resigns herself to probably having to leave her dorm sometime when Sian rushes in. She must come with her now; Isabella had a word with James, and with William and … something’s up which she must come and see for herself.

She comes out to hear shouting between Isabella and … it’s not James? … it’s Michelle?

And then she hears the truth.

Michelle is truly in denial. She makes out that this whole thing is not her fault. She warned Abigail, in her mind poor, hopeless, unlovable Abigail about James. He wouldn’t want a girl like her; couldn’t want a girl like her. And when he did - against all of Michelle’s expectations and in the face of her overwhelming jealousy that her mousy friend could succeed where she haddn’t – she did her best to sabotage it all and prove herself correct. And she still cannot see what she has done wrong.

At this, this ultimate betrayal, Abigail finally stands up to Michelle and says what she has said only in the quiet confines of her mind before. All the stuff she’s repressed and put up with about the awful friendship that she’s had to endure all these years comes out. That it also cost her a true shot at happiness is just the bitter twist at the end.

But maybe not, William has overheard all – have I said how much I like him as a character?

He tells them that Michelle’s perfidy runs even deeper that they expected. She actually approached James and spewed her bile down his throat (metaphorically speaking of course). Does Michelle’s treachery know no limits?

They have to leave her before worse is done or said.

William and Isabella fill her in on the details as go to find James.

He hasn’t given up for her, it’s not too late.

Abigail rushes to see him and …

I cannot comment upon the rest as it is just too perfect. Everything is done right: The miscommunication is all cleared up; the humanness of the first kiss going so right and yet so gracelessly; their easiness with each other; and finally, their mutual esteem.

So glad am I that when I came to review all this work, that you had completed this chapter and posted it; so glad that I wasn’t left in suspense with the tragic events of the previous chapter.

And as everything perfect does, the chapter ends with a kiss

Author's Response: Yep, she's really putting all of her time and energy into her comic book, trying not to think about James and kinda failing in that.

Michelle is too blunt, she needs to give Abigail some time, instead of being so mean! But at least Abigail is beginning to stand up for herself.

Haha oh yes! Something is happening! And it's Michelle! The truth is out!

Oh she is so in denial! And wants to still play the victim even though everyone knows that it's entirely her fault now. She can't see Abigail happy for one moment!

It is definitely the ultimate betrayal, but it gives Abigail the courage to stand up to her.

William is awesome! Haha :D and Michelle's treachery knows no limits! She's just the devil!

Isabella definitely would have hurt Michelle if they stayed around. :D

Awww thank you! I wanted their first kiss to be as normal as I could make it, I certainly don't remember my first kiss being all fireworks and amazingness where everyone knew what they were doing. It was all teeth clashing and ... eurgh! We don't think about it haha.

I am so so glad that you reviewed this story! You have been such an amazing and awesome secret santa and I'm very honoured to have your reviews to read.

Thank you so much!


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Review #2, by oldershouldknowbetter The One Where I Try To Avoid Everyone

23rd January 2015:
Review#25: the review which tries to pick up the pieces.


Isabella finds her and tries to pour some balm into her poisoned bosom.

Comics as catharsis – I love it. It is like the ‘break-up album’, singer/songwriters nearly always do their best stuff just after a break-up. So too has Abigail and the subject is very telling.
But in the end the comics only serve to remind her of what she’s lost.

Isabella tries to comfort her friend, but what comfort can truly be given in such a circumstance?
The sleepless night spent producing comics has another result in an exhausted Abigail. She sleeps the day through avoiding everyone and deliberately missing the appointment with James.

When she wakes she immediately feels guilty at her standing him up because of her intrinsic good nature, but then she remembers why. She rationalises and beats herself up for getting sucked in – all the while not understanding why it has happened. She has been a good judge of character all throughout this story, even though she has doubted her abilities. She couldn’t have gotten him so wrong could she?

Isabella and Sian return with news on James: that he was ‘playing the victim’; that he wanted to talk to her; that he wondered what he had done to upset her. But again the information from seemingly disparate sources seems to confirm the worst.

It was Isabella who brought the food, I thought so – it smacked of her generosity of spirit and not Michelle’s.

Abigail is left alone to ponder just how she will face anyone tomorrow as worthless as she feels.

Author's Response: Oh Abigail, I just want to hug her, she deserves nothing but happiness and is all sad because of certain people!

Abigail definitely has her own version of the 'break-up album'. It's what she knows and loves, it's what she goes to when she's upset or nervous, or happy. So it made sense for her to go back when she's heartbroken.

Poor Isabella, she's tried to be there for her, but there's not much she can do.

Abigail does feel guilty, and I feel sorry for her for going through such conflicting feelings. I'm a terrible person :P

Isabella and Sian are definitely great friends for her, a lot better than Michelle.

Thanks for reviewing!! :D


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Review #3, by oldershouldknowbetter The One Where My Heart Tore To Pieces

23rd January 2015:
Review#24: the review which leaves one with little hope.


The chapter begins with Quidditch and an ominous title.

Oh I like her realising the changes that have been wrought in her psyche by the events of this year. I love the fact as well that she has made her own comic book for him as well and based it on their ramblings and conversations.

She goes to freshen up in a bathroom and walks into horror. Everything she feared, no dreaded, is now said to be true: James playing her; William in on it; Rebecca his girlfriend; and worst of all her supposed best friend knowing about it and not telling her.

‘Overheard hurtful gossip’ should now be added to things which are staples of a thwarted romance.

She is gutted and in her misery and her fragile ego makes little inconsequential things fit what she now thinks to be true.

Quote: “ … who walked on by as if I was nothing.
Because I was nothing. I had always been nothing.”

Oh damn.

How heartbreaking.

But she does have one little moment of clarity, maybe it wasn’t true, maybe it was all a lie. She would ask her best friend. Until she confirmed or denied it she would not – well try not – to think it was true.

Michelle confirms it with such honesty and sincerity that Abigail has no reason to doubt her. Her world collapses around her and she has had enough of the world and everyone in it

The only positive thing that the reader can take away from this is:

Quote: “ … Michelle would have no reason to lie about it and have no reason to have talked to those girls.
It had to be true and it was killing me.”

This is supposition and is a classic tool of spycraft. Abigail knows no connection between the girls in the toilets and Michelle and therefore there is none. So to have two dissimilar groups privy to the same information must make that information true. This is based upon the false assumption that Michelle and the girls have not colluded whether directly or through a third party.

It is a small hope and one that this reader, at least, grasps to himself like a drowning man clutches at a life preserver.

Author's Response: Oh that was a very ominous title!

Yep, they both like comic books so much and she had no clue what to actually get him, so it was the perfect idea for her.

Of course it had to happen in the girls toilet, it's where all of our good gossip and unladylike behaviour towards other girls comes from. When you wonder why we all take so long in the ladies, it's this reason entirely. Gossip!

She's absolutely heartbroken when Michelle confirms it and she doesn't have any reason to doubt Michelle, aside from the fact that she's evil...

Awww I'm sorry it was a sad chapter, but I'm so glad that you left an amazing review! :D


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Review #4, by oldershouldknowbetter The One With The Duel To The Death

23rd January 2015:
Review#23: the review which said the words we all wanted to hear.


In the snow together and James does something that every boy (straight boy) has done at least once – something stupid in front of the girl he likes thinking that it will impress her.

But there is nothing that a boy likes better than to be nursemaided by the girl he likes after he has done something stupid to impress her and gotten himself hurt.

When James actually decides to ask her something that is truly close to his heart he doesn’t falter. True Gryffindor style he marches bravely on in the face of all her questioning of him and her silence and her embarrassment.

The word date has finally been used and it cannot be un-used – thank heavens.

There is some light banter and flirting before Abigail finds her friends at dinner. The reactions are all as we would expect Isabella is outrageously happy. Sian is pleased too. As for Michelle she pretends to be happy, but Abigail has known her longer and better than that and knows that Michelle is displeased and perhaps even upset.

James suddenly and mysteriously appears and challenges Abigail to a sword fight. It’s odd behaviour and all the while I’m thinking, “Is this James. We all know about Pollyjuice potion and the Imperius curse.” But it seems like it was just an excuse to get her close to him so that they could kiss. This is driving me crazy, until the other shoe drops you are going to have me jumping at shadows and doubting the veracity of everything I read.

… but she did kiss him. Yay!

Author's Response: Oh yes! The doing something stupid in front of the girl you like. It was totally a James thing to do! He'll do anything he can to impress her (Case in point, that talent show) And of course having Abigail look after him when it failed is a definite plus in James' eyes! :D

James is a very brave guy, he does things and maybe asks the questions a few days later haha. He finally plucks up the courage to ask her on a date.

Nope! It can't be un-used!!

Isabella is such a supportive friend, so I had to have her screaming in excitement haha.

Oh yes, that was James, no Polyjuice potion here, but I can see where you're coming from. I would have been suspicious too.
It's definitely an excuse to get closer to her, hahaha I'm so glad that you have so many feelings for this!

Thank you so much! You're so brilliant and amazing!


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Review #5, by oldershouldknowbetter The One With The Morning After

23rd January 2015:
Review#22: the review which recovers from the one before and hints at far worse to come.


She wakes up in his arms; it’s pretty sweet. Again you have been using her illness well. It lowered her inhibitions enough to get her to this pass, but has made her feel like doing little more than what she has. So that nothing improper could come from this late night out together. It is well done.

The one important thing this overnighter has done is to make them far more relaxed in each other’s company. Well, at least when they are alone – the presence of other people might disturb their equilibrium somewhat.

I don’t really understand about the bacon. Is that a girl thing not wanting to pig out in front of the guy she likes even though she’s hungry? It sounds like it could be, but I’m just a clueless male who would have just wolfed down the bacon and the eggs and the sausages and the mushrooms and the …

The dorm room is attained without incident, but her nightly absence hasn’t gone unnoticed by her friends. They are excited for her except for Michelle who blanks her. Isabella reveals that there is something going on – Michelle tried her luck with Ethan but was rejected. So my supposition might be correct – the green eyed monster might be playing a part in Michelle’s nastiness.

Isabella is there, yet again showing Abigail what a true friend should be and do. And she gives it to Rebecca too, which is alright by me.

Quote: “I’ll always stick up for you, Abigail.”

Good.

Reading on – you go Isabella, tell her what we have been thinking all along, but Abigail denies and refuses to raise her hopes.

Oh oh, what are the four main antagonists doing meeting in secret – this does not bode well. Abigail tries to pass it off as coincidence but I think deep down she has her suspicions. Isabella is far more sure of dark dealings.

There are some nice moments with James in Potions and he is far closer than ever before in being truthful to Abigail.

Suspicious motions are afoot with the behaviour of Michelle and especially Barry and Elijah.

Author's Response: They both need to stop being so damn cute and kiss already! They are definitely more relaxed and this may have to be a tradition that they carry on throughout the story.

It is a girl thing, well not for me because I don't care and will eat what I want haha, but mostly there's some element of not wanting to seem like a pig for eating all of the food in sight. Or at least it used to be for me back in the day :P See, guys don't really care so I don't know why us girlies worry so much! I say eat what you want and be done with it!

Oh Isabella and the others noticed, how could they not when Isabella has clearly been up waiting to hear all of the gossip!

Oh Michelle and Ethan, Poor Ethan is all I can say! She is definitely jealous!

Abigail will always have Isabella on her side.

So many suspicious activities from those four!

Thank you!! :D


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Review #6, by oldershouldknowbetter The One Where James Convinces Me To Break The Rules

23rd January 2015:
Review#21: the review which starts to make stuff (and I don’t just mean out of wood).


We don’t know what Muggle Studies was like from anything that JKR wrote in her books. I like your focus (for this year of their studies at least) on the various Muggle hobbies – it is a good device which you have used well to further your plot. And now we have to two of them attempting wood work, I wonder how that is going to go …

They are just barely cutting the wood.

Partly that is because there is so much talking and what talking it is. Abigail just misses so much like James calling her cute and sexy for instance. Yes, I know it has to do with her sick voice, but she just marches over it. She is flirting nearly as badly with him too, like when she cheekily pokes her tongue out at him.
Abigail makes a crack about James’ ego and he replies:

“Abigail Higgs, you are down right evil today. This cold is making you delirious.”

No it’s not it is just freeing her of some of her inhibitions.

And just in time too as James invites her for a cloak inspired rendezvous. Though I don’t know how much the sickness will interfere.

Apparition is on the Horizon.

Michelle is acting weirdly. Not as like she has done in the past, treating her like dirt; no it’s different. I wonder whether it is the presence of other possible friends which has been holding her back? She knows that if she pulls the sort of stuff that she has done in the past to poor Abigail in front of them they may just call her on her nastiness.

Abigail goes out on her date which isn’t a date.
James shows her his cloak. And lets her wear it.

And he shows her the Map!

Wow, that is a lot of trusting and he’s hugging her and putting his hand on her face and all sorts of stuff – WAKE UP YOU TWO!

We learn that Michelle has been sneaking off as well as acting strange. We knew she had been absent a lot, but actively sneaking off and not saying anything to her supposed best friend – something is going on. And the cloak arrives just in time to advance the plot. It’s a nice little piece of convenience which isn’t too forced and drives the plot along nicely. Otherwise you would have to contrive Abigail just finding out by happenstance. No, if she was going to become closer to James she would eventually learn about the Cloak and the Map so it is as I said not too forced a coincidence.

Oh this is a date alright. The food, the supplies the comics and staying out all night wrapped up in James’ arms. Come on guys, tell her your secret already James, and Abigail just admit to yourself and to him all the feelings you have been having are true and real.

Author's Response: I was struggling to think of what they would learn in Muggle Studies and I thought, why not have muggle hobbies? It would be so cool to see what they think that Muggles do in their spare time! But their woodwork skills are as great as most Muggle's woodwork skills :P

Oh they should definitely stop talking if they want to finish their work, but we don't want that at all! Stay flirting you two! Abigail is so oblivious to James' comments, she just thinks that he's being nice, when in fact he's admitting his undying love for her!! ... or near enough :P

They are both flirting so badly with each other, if William was there he would just be shaking his head at them for not admitting their feelings to each other.

Michelle is definitely acting suspicious, she's up to something! We all know it!

Oh yes, the date that isn't a date but is totally a date! With added hugging, hands on face and just kiss already!

It's definitely a date! I agree with you! He should definitely admit to his secret! and she should admit that she likes him!

Thank you once again! :D


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Review #7, by oldershouldknowbetter The One With The Cold

23rd January 2015:
Review#20: the review which is feeling a bit poorly.


Abigail returns to the castle sick, but at least Michelle is being a good friend or seems to be at least from Abigail’s faulty perception. She takes herself back to bed to sleep it off.

Sleep doesn’t work, neither does time and she is a shambling wreck for most of her classes. Michelle is back to being disapproving and nasty about James’ intentions/behaviour. There has to be something more to it than just warning her friend off from a potential heartbreak. It is probably something along the lines that her own crush has never returned her advances and probably doesn’t even know she exists. Jealousy would be a good explanation for her continued negativity in defiance of the facts: the fact that James is still talking to her and hasn’t done anything mean spirited or bad.

William again; he is a great secondary character. He is just so believable and real, you have done a great job with him. I wonder if his sister and her problems will impinge upon this story again (I have my suspicions about it).

It is a nice bit of story that ends with – “Then I’ll wait for you to tell me.”

James taking her to the hospital wing is all perfectly good boyfriend stuff – just hurry up you two and make it official.

Author's Response: Michelle being a good friend should always be treated as suspicious! Always!

Poor Abigail, she's really ill and Michelle is back to how she was. Surprise surprise! Silly Michelle! Oh you shall find out more about Michelle in future chapters! There will be more on Ethan and Michelle in the future! It's definitely jealousy though.

I wanted James to have a decent friend. Barry and Elijah aren't exactly the greatest choice in the world. There will be more with William's 'rivalry' with his sister later on. That's not going anywhere at the moment.

They do need to hurry up and make it official! *kicks them into gear* GET ADMITTING TO FEELINGS YOU TWO!

Thank you!!


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Review #8, by oldershouldknowbetter The One With The Plans To Elope

23rd January 2015:
Review#19: the review which has so many good feels.


She meets James in the park. If she had been more confident she would have put a hand on his shoulder, but she isn’t and doesn’t even think of doing it.

So James’ family sounds like the usual sort of fare for the Weasley clan: shenanigans; underage drinking; uncles and dads who won’t take everything too seriously; dads and uncles who will take everything too seriously.

I’m reading all the conversation and it’s all good fluffy stuff and what I’m glad of is that it’s staying away from pure flirty-ness which is good because a long conversation of only flirting would not have worked I think. I like the hangover too; I suddenly saw its purpose story wise – it prevents him from being too forward or taking their rendezvous to the level of assignation.

Ah, the shoulder squeeze does get a look in, now that she’s feeling comfortable and relaxed around him.

And then the Hammock. Yes, this is why he has a hangover so his teenaged-maleness doesn’t overcome his propriety and turn a tender moment into one that both parties might regret. Them lying together is so sweet until, once again, romanticus interuptus occurs this time in the form of an outraged mother and her obnoxious child.

Quote: “If I dared act that way when I was that age, my mother would hex me into next week, and then my Grandmother would hex me into the week afterwards, then when I recovered from that my father would just look at me in disappointment and tell me that I’ve let him down.”

This was fantastic; a great piece of characterisation and an echo from the books of how Ron talked about how his mother would deal with any of his wrong doings.

Holding hands is a fantastic next step – though Abigail will probably tell herself that it was only because of the cold and nothing else. *sigh*
She is such a different girl away from Hogwarts and when she forgets to remember her insecurities. I like how you have reversed the usual trope around going out with James. Usually it is he who is wary of having girls only wanting to go out with him because of his famous father. I wonder if, when Abigail’s father is revealed to be who he is, James will say he was wary of girls/her too for similar reasons.

Oh and such delicious flirtings about being in Abigail’s bed – you nearly made me blush and I’m sitting alone at home typing this up on the spare computer while the kids are playing DOTA on the main one.

Author's Response: I wish that I was a Weasley, they sound like they have so much fun together!

I'm glad that you're liking the fluffy stuff, they can't flirt all the time bless them. I just want to squish them in hugs and tell them that they're being so adorable!

Yep, it's exactly why the hangover has happened! It gives him a reason to be close to her, because his brain is too busy trying to recover to worry about anything. Definitely romanticus interuptus! Silly woman and her child! So rude! The hammock swing was in use!

It's definitely the Weasley women who run the household! I would fear them, although I would fear the look of disappointment far more!

Poor Abigail, she needs to realise the hand holding is because James likes her!

She really is, and it's because she hasn't got Michelle around to put her down and make her see otherwise. Michelle isn't good for her at all. Poor Abigail.

I'm so glad that you like how I've changed that around, James will find out soon who Abigail's father is, so you can see soon. :D

Hahaha I had to include that! and it made me blush too whilst I was writing it!

Thank you so much for leaving me such wonderful and amazing reviews! *squishes you*


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Review #9, by oldershouldknowbetter The One When I Go Home For Christmas

23rd January 2015:
Review#18: the review which has a lot of family in it.


The brother appears again and we have some good sibling banter.

We see her room – comicy and homey. I like how you have made her a comic book geek without making her out to be a freak.

She actually has a mum! (I was beginning to wonder) Her likes are such that she is far more a daddy’s girl – much like my own daughter. Then I read on and it is even more so. I like how confident and sure of herself you have made her once she is back in the bosom of her family. It makes a great counterpoint from the insecure Abigail at Hogwarts.

Then Hogwarts intrudes when she has to send out her last gift and it is back to all the old insecurities. *sigh* Sure-of-herself Abigail was so nice while she lasted.

The sister is a good addition to the mix. I must assume that you have siblings as you write the interactions between them all so well. Laughing and joking at each other when it doesn’t count; being supportive and loving when it does.

All the Christmas family stuff has a wonderful truthful air to it.

Prezzies, all good and then a tapping on the window – a letter from James; so no gift, boo; but an explanation and a promise of one to come, so yay. He still wants to keep to their arrangement of meeting over the Holidays, yes of course he does.

Self-doubt is replaced by elation and we are all the happier for it.

Author's Response: I do like writing Darryl and Abigail together, they are entertaining and I try to think of the kind of things that me and my brothers would argue about to include it. :P

I'm glad that you like it, I couldn't have her any other way with a dad like hers. If one of his children wasn't as obsessed as she was, he would have felt that he had failed as a parent.

She does have a mum! Haha she's just a massive daddy's girl, much like me too. Once she's home she's a different person entirely, at home she can be who she wants without worrying what others think.

Yep, the old insecurities come back, I wish she was more confident, but that is what Isabella and James are for, to make her more confident in herself and around others.

I do have siblings, two sisters and two brothers all older. I tried to draw on what me and my siblings have said/joked/fought about and include those moments in, so I'm glad that it seems realistic.

Sadly no gift, but he does have a gift on the way. :D

Thank you once again!


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Review #10, by oldershouldknowbetter The One Where James is a Loser

23rd January 2015:
Review #17: the review where our expectations are toyed with.


Coming into this chapter after the last one, I was dismayed to say the least upon reading the chapter title. James being a Loser after what had apparently happened between him and Rebecca could only mean that it happened and he now regretted it and comes to beg forgiveness of Abigail. We all hope not but that is what the title implies – let us see.

The cold weather has driven her inside, but from her past behaviour we wouldn’t expect Abigail to be outside with Michelle and the Quidditch people.

Along comes James and the dread settles in.
We get distracted by something bright and shiny and so does Abigail – a new comic by a new author. This is the parchment smell! One of their shared ‘love smells’ from the love potion (was that really fourteen chapters ago?). I had assumed it was something to do with books and lessons and studying, but of course it would be comics. I feel foolish for not making the connection beforehand.

It serves to distract her for only a moment before she remembers Rebecca … but wait a sec James isn’t happy … about a certain rumour … THAT’S NOT TRUE!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!

What’s more he directly spells out his interest in Rebecca plainly and clearly to Abigail– it is none. She and we have nothing to fear from her ever. Well romantically that is, we know that the attack upon Abigail that came from when Rebecca thought she had a chance means that Rebecca will be capable of worse now that she has been scorned.

Those are problems for the future, let us just revel in the attentions of James in the present.
But he’s talking about the future: what is she doing for Christmas; is she going to Hogsmeade. And every time Abigail, unwittingly, deflects him *sigh* She doesn’t realise that what he is doing is trying subtly (too subtle for her) to ascertain what she is doing so that he can be with her.

Finally after talk of family, Abigail almost by accident agrees to meet up with James in the holidays. All of his careful pointed questioning came to naught and then by a miracle Abigail brings it up and they will meet up.

A bit of flirting over the hot chocolate and then the eponymous ‘James is a loser’.

Well that chapter could have gone a lot worse – thank you very much, I say (write) sarcastically, for playing with my expectations and emotions so much!

Author's Response: Haha I see what you mean about being worried about the chapter title, I would have been too. :P

Oh no, Abigail doesn't really care for Quidditch, and Michelle would only end up ignoring her if she went along.

Haha I love getting distracted by new and shiny things! Oh yes! one of the smells is in there! Was it fourteen chapters ago? Wow! That is quite some time ago. Haha of course it's comics :P

WOOO! Definitely not what happened. It was just rumours!

Rebecca is capable of far worse and I wish that we won't see more of her, but sadly we shall do. But you're right, they are problems for future us! Present us is only basking in the present James! She doesn't realise at all, oh Abigail!

Haha yep, we find out why James is a loser.

I'm sorry I played with your expectations and emotions so much! But it is entertaining! :D


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Review #11, by oldershouldknowbetter The One After The Quidditch Match

23rd January 2015:
Review#16: the review where disappointment reigns and it’s not over the Quidditch result.


Did I miss something? What fight? We left the last chapter with all the feels over James and having started it with Michelle being nice to Abigail. This fight has occurred somewhere between the chapters and has fallen through the cracks.
There is a very good reason why she was never made captain – you want a good leader in a team captain, not just one who is obsessed about the sport. Can you imagine the horrible sort of captain she would make?

Hunger makes her angry, so does the world.
Rebecca rears her ugly head once again trying to insinuate herself into James’ life.

Abigail outlines her reasoning for not telling James about Rebecca’s attack upon her person. It was as I suspected, she made the hard choice for all the right reasons.

Quote: ‘I didn’t want to see Rebecca flaunting herself all over him’

This is the wrong use of flaunting, but having said that, it conjures up the most delicious imagery in my mind and makes me wonder if you used the word on purpose for that dramatic effect.

Abigail goes and hides from her disappointment, but it soon seeks her out. Isabella keeps proving her worth as a true friend; first the hand holding at the game and now this.

What an awful happenstance. First James seemingly so chummy with Rebecca and now this reported kissing with her behind the stands. The reader can hope it isn’t so, but Abigail cannot afford to. She has to assume the worst because it is the only way she can deal with her dashed hopes and dreams – by cutting them off and cauterising the stumps. (What delightful imagery, but apt)

Author's Response: I think I've missed something as well? Haha I need to go back and have a look at what I've written in this chapter.

Oh yes, Michelle would make a terrible captain! an absolutely terrible one!

Haha what doesn't make Michelle angry?

Poor Abigail, she really doesn't want to see Rebecca all over James.

She needs to really start listening to Isabella, she's a much better friend for her over Michelle.

:( Oh James! Are you caught up in a rumour or is it true? Sadly assuming the worse is how Abigail will always think.

Thanks so much for the awesome review!


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Review #12, by oldershouldknowbetter The One Where We Talk About The Future

23rd January 2015:
Review#15: the review which discusses the cheese driven, Inferi Apocalypse to be eventually defeated by James Bond.


On again, off again- once more the friendship is on again with Michelle and how happy is Abigail? All it takes is for her friend not to be nasty and she is over the moon.

They both want to eat cheese!

I said before I like how you have made James have his inner core of childishness still alive. It informs his whole character, or at least it does when he’s around Abigail. She allows him to let his guard down and be what he likes around her. He probably has to be ‘On’ when he’s around some of his other ‘normal’ friends.

Cheese led dreams ...

… Of Inferi and survival. The Inferi apocalypse as an excuse to get together, how teenage boy of him. Only the end of the world could drag out the admission of admiration? Desire? Love?

Ah the feels. I like how you have maintained the habit that I have seen before of James running his hand through his messy hair when he is embarrassed when he wants to hold her or hug her or whatever.

In a moment of distractedness she hugs him; just something she does/did with her brother. In this one little thing it is such an illumination of the relationship between the siblings – a subtle but effective piece of characterisation. I have such a clear mental image of the hug: his back to her; she instinctively hugs him to ward off his ire (even though it’s pretend); then her realising what she’s done and who she’s done it to; her eyes going wide as she soaks in the enormity of what she’s done.

James reciprocates with a rib-crushing hug of his own – that lifts her off her feet!

Then all the play fighting – such children – but it soon turns a bit too intense and James is about to say …

Arrgh! The untimely interruption – yet another staple of the thwarted romance to add to the list.

*sighs* oh well, that is it for this encounter/chapter there is no way that level of spontaneous intensity will be generated any time soon. What is this chapter fifteen? It will probably be chapter eighteen before anything this natural brings them together again. *sighs*

Let’s go back to a bit of the plot then with a bit more about the life of muggles and the introduction of James Bond. Of course James knows about Bond – the same name is an instant attraction of any young boy to a hero.

It leads in to the revelation of what both of them want to do once they leave the school. James’ choice is far more mature than we (and Abigail) would give him credit for. Yes it is couched in a young kids idolisation of superheroes (and probably some idolization of his father as well), but it isn’t just bumming around playing sports like a lot of other James’s in other stories seem to want to do.

And Abigail, she wants to get into comics; great something that James can understand and like, but it is in America and hence away from him.

He gets sad; she sees him getting sad; she gets sad herself realising that would separate them both probably forever. Yes, it is in the future. Yes, they are not together, but Abigail sums it up perfectly:

Quote: ‘I just couldn’t help but want nothing more than him to ask me to stay with him.’

Author's Response: I can't wait for the day that Abigail gets more confidence to tell Michelle where to go, it'll be so much easier for her. Poor dear.

James lets his inner child show a lot, especially around Abigail, he can't help but be himself around her. She does allow him to let his guard down. He doesn't have to pretend to be someone he's not around her.

Oh the cheese led dreams! Haha, this mainly came about because I couldn't stop dreaming of zombies for an entire week. An inferi apocalyse is definitely an excuse to get together, he's such a teenage boy!

Bless him being all cute with his hand running through his hair! :D He just wants to hug her all the time and it makes him embarassed.

I love that moment, that was my favourite to write between them, just Abigail' realistaion of what she's done and then James turning around to hug her ever so tightly.

He's the best at hugs and I really want one!

The James Bond reference is going to be a big part of the future of this story and the sequel called 'The Unspeakable'. Of course James wants to be a superhero :P

Thank you once again for being so awesome!! :D


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Review #13, by oldershouldknowbetter The One With The Almost Trip To The Hospital Wing

23rd January 2015:
Review#14: the review which has miscommunication about miscommunication.


Michelle takes a break from being nasty only to have someone worse take her place. I say worse, but thinking about it which is worse physical abuse or psychological abuse? The physical hurts worse at the time, but its effects don’t leave as many unseen scars as the other can. I sometimes think that Abigail’s psyche is one big mass of scar tissue.

Abigail keeping up the pretence of walking normally (even though it hurts) around Rebecca is good – shows us that she does have some moxie.

Quote: “Michelle regarded me with a stern look. “Abigail, if you need to go get some pain relief potion then don’t let what others think stop you. It’s what those bitches want.”

This is why we cannot automatically dismiss Michelle – good on you for making all your characters three dimensional.

A letter from James – this is where it starts being something more than class partners or even just friends. A boy doesn’t write to a girl – even something as innocuous as this note for an innocent library assignation – unless he likes that girl, and I mean like likes.

One of the things that I like about this whole work is the lack of blatant miscommunication. There is some small stuff, but usually you have your characters talk if someone says something wrong or snappy (as in this case) or like James laughing over Abigail having the comic. They don’t go immediately off in a huff, they might assume the worse – as people do – but then you have your characters talk and correct the misstep.

There is talking and then there is talking though. Abigail will not tell James the direct cause of her misfortune. Again this is something about your storytelling I like – I cannot decide if she should or she shouldn’t. I can see reasons for doing either – she should try to find a solution herself on one hand, but on the other it would further her cause with James. I think upon reflection she might have chosen the best course and I think it is actually from the start of some emotional bravery (the very start) and not just her old stick-her-head-in-the-sand persona. But again, it is you putting your characters in believable situations and having them have to make real decisions.

What was that I was saying about miscommunication? The direct put-your-foot-in-it, I-said-something-wrong type of miscommunication you don’t have but the deep down one …

*sigh* miscommunication and wrong supposition – the twin elements of thwarted romance.

William comes along; I am enjoying him as a character. I have had hints throughout your author’s notes that you have a fair few of your stories linked together. This is intriguing and makes me want to read more of your stuff and makes it feel like a big shared universe. Well, have to get past this lot of reviews first.

James has a secret.

Another secret.

This time seemingly more important than just staying up all night reading comics.

I wonder what that can be (this reviewer says sarcastically).

Author's Response: I'm still loving how your review titles are like my story titles :D Love love love it!

Poor Abigail is just getting it from everyone! Poor her, can't people just leave her and James alone? I think it is as well! Poor Abigail, I'm so mean to her.

Yeah, she doesn't want to make a big deal of it and bring more of their attention upon herself.

See, Michelle does have some good qualities, she just hides them very very well.

Oh yeah, those two are becoming more than just class partners. This is a friendship, possibly (definitely) more!

I didn't want them to just throw huffs when it doesn't go their way (except for Michelle, but that's just Michelle haha)

Awww thank you! :D

Hahaha

I'm so glad that you're enjoying William, I do have quite a few of my stories connected together, I've put a list on my profile page on the forums, if you wanted to take a peek and see what's connected. There's quite a lot and it's fun to include bits and pieces here and there. :D I hope that you do read more of my stuff, if you wanted to of course!

Hahah what could it be indeed?! :P

THank you so so much for reviewing and being so awesome! :D


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Review #14, by oldershouldknowbetter The One Where I Engage In Gossip

23rd January 2015:
Review #13: the review which observes the observer.


Quidditch – it always rears its ugly head in a school fic sometime. It is usually used, as you do here to elicit responses and generate situations to further usually the characterisation of your protagonists, but sometimes even to further the plot.

Here, because Abigail is not a player nor indeed is she even interested in Quidditch, it is all about what the situation brings to our attention about her character.

The counterpoint between the two friends is emphasised here. When Abigail is talking to Michelle about her crush it’s all supportive, when it’s the other way around Michelle is down on her again. ‘Fancy Man’ she calls James denigratingly. I wonder if it is more than just mere petulance? I wonder if it is verging into spitefulness because Abigail’s crush is actually talking to her whereas Michelle’s probably doesn’t even know she exists? We don’t know this exactly, but there is no evidence within Abigail’s perception boundary to indicate that Michelle and Ethan have ever even talked.

Abigail is a bit of a social chameleon. Becomes excited about Quidditch (and by corollary most other things as well) only once they are right in front of her. It unfortunately speaks to her timidness as well as her desire to blend in; to fit in. The low opinion she has of herself won’t allow her to anticipate good things happening to her so when they come they are enjoyed as they present themselves. Any anticipation she has is usually of a negative kind.

Ha, the mystery of numb bum explained – I’d always wondered too.

I’m very glad you resisted the urge to describe the match. Abigail is not interested and it would have rang false for her (and hence the perspective of the story) to pay too much interest in it. We know that James played – her cheers – we know who won and we know what position James played; that is all that we need.

Now gossip, the grist upon which the mill of teenage fiction feeds.

It is so good that she has found some other friends at last. The friends have almost entered the story by osmosis. So gradually have they snuck in that our narrator has not really truly noticed their addition – they just turn up sometimes. The truth is she won’t allow herself to believe that anyone could actively want to become her friend.

Gossip is such a good friend to the storyteller – you can put down exposition and barefaced facts straight out into the narrative without much preamble at all.

So we learn here about some of the other inhabitants of the castle, specifically some Weasleys.

The two other girls manage to drag some information out of Abigail about her feelings for James. Good she needs to articulate it – the conversations she has with herself in her head are not productive; she is too used to hearing herself say (in her mind) she should be doing something and then ignoring it. They support her and bolster her feelings/hopes that he might like her back, even going so far as to dismiss Rebecca’s supposed hold over his affections.

Author's Response: It usually does, sometimes I dislike writing Quidditch (Which is a problem as I have an entire story that's Quidditch central... whoops!) Abigail is only interested when James plays :P

Michelle just needs to grow up, it needs to always be about her and heaven forbid Abigail needs her to be happy for her or give her nice advice. Poor Abigail, it is getting spiteful and it's definitely because James is talking to her and Ethan wants nothing to do with Michelle.

I always wondered about the numbness as well! :D

I'm glad I did too, I find it very difficult, she really isn't interested in the match at all.

Gossip is what makes a teenage girls world go round... or crumble apart. It can go two ways. :P Yep, Weasleys are mentioned! And they will be mentioned again in the future, or at least a few more of them. :P

She does need to articulate it to someone that cares, which isn't Michelle and you're right it's not productive at all to keep having them in her head. They do support her, they're good friends.

Michelle should take note!

Thanks once again!


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Review #15, by oldershouldknowbetter The One Where James Is A Dragon For The Day

23rd January 2015:
Review#12: the review which contains a monster (and it’s not James as a dragon).


How telling is it, as to Abigail’s character, what her reasons are for enjoying her two favourite holidays. Christmas she enjoys because she is at home with her dad and can be who she is without fear of judgement. Halloween she enjoys because she can dress up and become who she wants to be, thinking that people won’t see the real Abigail underneath.

But people are not going with it and Abigail cannot stand to be the only one dressed up, that would defeat the result that Abigail desires.

Muggle Studies may once again provide the answer to her disappointments. James is so excited and I realise that this is one of the aspects of your characterisation of him – he has become a decent young man but he has not entirely forgotten or discarded the joys and passions of his youth.

He provides a needed counterpoint to Abigail’s concerns and fears – he won’t care what people think of him going around the castle as a dragon. Stuff them he’s having fun. Abigail needs to take some cues from him.

Oh some closeness ensues as one of the ‘love smells’ makes itself known – the coconut smell of James’ shampoo. They get close, but a paintbrush stands between them; that and the yawning chasm of Abigail’s self-doubt.

We are introduced to another … I’m tempted to say another biatch, but only time will tell. She is definitely jealous and possessive of James, even Abigail can see that, but again her insecurities make her wonder what the other girl could be jealous of.

Michelle apologises to Abigail. This is part of her roundedness as a character, she can learn she can be better than herself, but it may be too little too late and her true nature may only lie just below the surface. If you make someone too evil then they become a caricature and can drag the story down into … trying to phrase this right … badly written rubbish.

Michelle knows that Halloween is one of her friend’s favourites – so she has paid some attention to Abigail after all.

Rebecca is brought to our attention once again: we were correct she is going to be a biatch.

Author's Response: Yep, she loves them because she can pretend to be someone else, or be away from other people at her school's judgement.

Nope, people aren't going along with it, poor Abigail.

It may! and it does! James loves dressing up and being other people, and he kinda has no fear over what other people think of him. If he wants to dress up then he'll be dressing up! He is very excited, he's like a child and he could never forget that excitement... otherwise he wouldn't be the James I love to write.

Abigail does need to take some cues from him.

Oh yes! it certainly does make one of the love smells known! :D Coconut is on the list! I should make little reminders at the beginning of chapters, or give out bingo cards for you all to check off!

Oh yes! We are introduced to another! in the form of Rebecca who is not a nice person at all!

But do we believe her apology? Is she only saying it because she has noone else to be around? Pretty much! Even though she's not a terrible friend at all times, she does know that Abigail's favourite holiday is Halloween after all.

Thank you!!! :D


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Review #16, by oldershouldknowbetter The One Where I Find Out Why James Was Up All Night

23rd January 2015:
Review#11: the review which compares fiction to reality.


Oh well, Michelle’s niceness was short lived.

Abigail finally has the guts to say something back to her – and she is not wrong either. Her bravery only goes so far and she has to say her piece only as she slams the door behind her, trying to prevent or at least forestall Michelle’s vengeful wrath.

I liked the whole comic thing with James and his late night is revealed. I liked the set up with Abigail’s disappointment at James grabbing the comic; then having it turn into surprise then happiness and finally connection. Yay!

Just on a personal note: this is how I actually met my wife, though swap ‘comics’ for ‘Doctor Who Magazine’. We attended University together and so I knew her for three years as someone in my class. She was always in the group just in front of mine for lab partners as her last name began with an F and mine with a G. I noticed one day, at the start of a Statistics lecture of all things, that she was reading a Doctor Who magazine. I bounded down the desks (in those days I usually went barefoot everywhere – ah, itinerant student that I was) and sat on the desk in front of her saying, “Do you like Doctor Who too do you?”. She couldn’t meet my eyes and could hardly talk to me. In my naivety I thought it was because she didn’t like me, but I found over time that the exact opposite was true.

It is a natural for James to like comics – it fits in with the character you have established for him. Just wait till he finds out it is her dad he is idolising. It is a fine piece of characterisation to not have Abigail reveal the information as well as a fine piece of storytelling – it would be a trump card to play and it should not be played until Abigail can recognise and reap the benefit of it. I will look forward to when and how James finally finds out the comic writer/artist he idolises is Abigail’s dad.

Oh and such a lovely connection you make between fame and its desirability and the two families trying to protect their children.

Quote: “Damn, I needed to get a hold of my feelings; they’re beginning to get out of control. There was nothing hidden in the meaning behind his words. He was being nice and was excited that I read comics like he did…”

*sigh* oh Abigail …

Author's Response: Definitely short lived, she can't be nice for long, it's not in her nature to be.

Abigail does have some guts, they don't last for long but they are there!

I'm so glad that you liked the whole comic thing with James and the set up with the grabbing of Abigails. They both share a big passion for them. :D

Awww did you? That's so adorable! Haha do you still go barefoot everywhere? Did you not hurt your feet? Aw you and your wife sound so adorable! I'm so glad that you can connect with this moment and thank you for sharing this piece of information with me! :D It's like you are James and Abigail in the future!

I can't wait for you all to read the scene where he finally finds out about her dad! I've been so excited about that part for so long! :D She's really worried that James is only interested in her because of that piece of information.

Thank you :D They're both trying to protect their families from fame.


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Review #17, by oldershouldknowbetter The One With The Talent Show

23rd January 2015:
Review #10: the review which shines with talent.


Good we have skipped forward to after they have decided/finished their project. Unless there was something significant to impart in that process it would have dragged the story too much if it were delineated.

She is so nervous, so very unsure of herself and James is being a decent human being; with many talents apparently so let us see.

And yes he comes through, talented indeed is Master Potter. I couldn’t help reading the entirety of the ‘performance’ with a smile upon my face. I’d hoped from before that the show might bring Abigail out of her shell as well as letting James shine. It doesn’t, instead letting James shine for the both of them – proving how much of a mensch he really is.

Abigail hugs her books to herself and not whom she wants to. All she can do is give him a shoulder nudge of thanks.

William is not only a good friend, but an enjoyable character too – I love it every time he steps across the page.

It is pleasing to see James getting embarrassed for a change and not just Abigail. James is apparently not brave enough to do something it seems – could it be that he cannot express his true feelings to the girl he secretly admires?

Hogsmeade doesn’t reveal much except a couple of things:-
Michelle is relatively nice, is this because the presence of another potential friend for Abigail has Michelle on the defensive?
And also Michelle not only doesn’t like comics but actively denigrates them. Comics are the one thing that Abigail is truly and genuinely proud of especially that it is her dear old dad who makes them.

Tell me why they are friends again?

But the day ends well enough. Michelle is not truly bad, as such we have to have some sympathy for the character. It is obviously her choices which must concern us because she can be nice when she wants to so that can mean that she is also nasty because she wants to be.

Author's Response: I'm glad that you liked it enough to have a smile on your face throughout it all :D James is a man of a lot of hidden talents, I should make a list of them, he's quite talented. He once spent an entire summer learning how to do circus tricks! That's a bit of my headcanon for you, that I haven't shared with anyone else! :D

James would never force her to do something she wasn't ready too, and poor Abigail, although has gained more confidence is still worried about what other people will think.

Of course William embarasses him :P He's one of the only people that know how and James is brave but not all that brave over one thing. :P We can all guess what!

Michelle and Abigail are friends because sadly Abigail is scared that no one else would want to be her friend and she'll be alone.

There is a tiny bit of sympathy for Michelle... not much, but a small part. :P


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Review #18, by oldershouldknowbetter The One With The Chewed Quill

23rd January 2015:
Review #9: the review which shows that there is at least some worth in all of us.


The quill as a sign of love – framed and enshrined for eternity.

Acting out their idea for the television show should allow James to shine or Abigail to come out of her shell, or hopefully both.

Michelle just has to drop her acid into Abigail’s joyful mood. I see the competitiveness here that you mentioned earlier in chapter three when they were brewing the love potion. So it’s not just Michelle being nasty and spiteful for the sake of it; she wants her potion to succeed and doesn’t want Abigail’s possible distraction to hamper her chances of a good grade.

She makes Abigail almost want to cry, but a smile from James saves her day.

Michelle says some words and yes they are mean, but there is some truth in them. Abigail is indeed making a lot of the fact that James is now talking to her. And even though we, the readers, hope she is right, everything that Michelle says about their different social standing is correct and she knows how much Abigail is wishing (subconsciously) for more. Jealousy does play a part in Michelle’s warnings, but so to do the facts. Abigail does know the truth of some of it and cannot bear to think of how much James deserting/tricking her would hurt.

A friend would indeed point this out, but a good friend would find a much nicer way of doing so.

Sure enough along comes Isabella to show Abigail what a true friend would do – listen. She doesn’t know Abigail like Michelle does, but she is prepared to bolster and support Abigail if she needs it.

Author's Response: The talent show definitely does do one of those things :D

She did! Michelle is terrible and needs to go away! She needs to stop being a horrible friend and start realising that she needs to treat Abigail nicer.

At least James' smile is there to save the day :P

Jealousy plays a major part in Michelles actions, but she's speaking the things that Abigail is already thinking, so she's going to believe her. :( It's just sad that Michelle feels the need to be so mean about it all.

Isabella is definitely the good friend and should be around Abigail more!

Thank you once again!! :D


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Review #19, by oldershouldknowbetter The One Where James Is Up All Night

23rd January 2015:
Review #8: the review which posits the highlight of any given day for Abigail.


Oh goody the gossip has spread. On the back of the Love-Potion-Incident now comes the fact that James is seen with her and talking to her more often. One can almost hear the gossips say, “Don’t you know, she only got him by trickery. Slipped him a love potion she did.”

Abigail doesn’t understand it – ‘don’t people know that James could never be interested in me,’ her low self-esteem says.

Had to look back again – Yep coconut is one of Abigail’s ‘love smells’ (how dirty that phrasing seems to sound to me now).

Muggle Studies class. We sense that this is the highlight of any day for Abigail: no Michelle to make her life a misery; a class that she says herself at the beginning of the story she was good at; and last and best of all James sitting beside her and talking to her of his own volition.

Such a lot of delicious flirting and some progression in their burgeoning friendship. I like how we are kept in the dark about James’ feelings, I know it is a happenstance of the narrative style you have chosen, but it is good to be kept somewhat in suspense. It doesn’t stop us from wishing and hoping however and there are hints that James may be starting to feel the same way.

The secret of James’ nocturnal adventures/doings is tantalising to say the least.

I’m glad we are seeing more of Isabella or someone who will be a friend to Abigail too. She might not be completely friendless after all, if she only would see it.

A Hogsmeade trip – potential for drama and story and action.

Author's Response: The gossip had to spread! I'm surprised it took as long as it did. :P Of course those would be the kinds of gossip that go around the school. :(

She really doesn't understand it at all, poor her. She has very low self-esteem.

Muggle studies is the only time where she doesn't have to worry too much about what other people think, she can get a break from Michelle and she's also got the chance to be around James without being judged.

I'm glad that you like being kept in suspense, there are definitely hints though, you're right :D But hopefully enough to keep you intrigued and guessing!

Haha oh those late nights of James'! all shall be revealed soon :D

Isabella is definitely going to be a good thing for Abigail, she needs a good friend who is going to be on her side through everything.


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Review #20, by oldershouldknowbetter The One With The Muggle Studies Project

23rd January 2015:
Review #7: the review which remembers shared assignments at school not being so much fun.


Ah the shared school assignment – a device beloved of authors to force two characters together. If only my school assignments had led me along the path of love *sighs*

Abigail doesn’t even cross her fingers and hope for James. No, she has brow beaten herself so much that she wonders if whoever is stuck with her will dislike it too much. She doesn’t even dare to dream for James which makes it all the more special when he selects her.

A bit of the outside world creeps in. I always like to see which type of wizarding world we have in a next gen story. So you have not gone for the ‘wizarding TV’ version of the next gen reality.

Making a program together could lead to interesting times ahead.

James’ rambling is a neat device to inform of so much of his family and back-story it was wonderfully done. I am suddenly reminded that this is the same author who penned the spoilt and pampered James of ‘A Long Summer’. This is fantastic stuff – you can write such disparate characterisations of the same person and have them both believable and apt for the stories they are in.

Abigail is reveling in the return of her ‘crush’ – I do not mean the object of the crush but the crush itself – but she almost won’t let herself enjoy it.

Author's Response: Who doesn't love a good shared assignment at school? What better way to get people closer? :P All of my old school assignments just led to me getting annoyed at the other people I was forced to work with. *sighs as well*

Poor Abigail, doesn't even realise that James is the one happy to work with her. :D And that he chose her! It's a happy day for all concerned! And us!

I don't understand the wizarding tv version of next gen... if magic can't work around them... how do they have it?

James is adorable when he rambles, aw! Haha I'm glad that it reminds you of me writing 'A Long Summer' :P Thank you so so much! And I'm so glad that you think that. :D

Abigail needs to learn to let herself enjoy the moments when they arrive!


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Review #21, by oldershouldknowbetter The One With The Four Hour Nap

23rd January 2015:
Review #6: the review which has a nap critique


Michelle and Quidditch; is the captain having more practices to just give people a second chance or is it more a second chance to see if there is someone who could replace you?

Michelle has a crush herself – bet Abigail never made her feel bad about Ethan.

Abigail has some options for friends it is good to see. If only she could see it too.

If I may humbly make one small criticism: the nap seems to draw out the chapter and there is nothing much to advance the plot here. Michelle and the Quidditch stuff and the conversation after the nap could have easily been added to the next chapter without much harm done. Her having the nap and still feeling so tired afterwards really seems to have no bearing upon the plot (unless in a subsequent chapter we find out she is sick or something). But then again a reader will pass through this chapter with ease and go on to the twenty (and counting) chapters to come. So I am
probably making too much of it all. Ah, I often have an afternoon nap – so what on earth am I complaining about?

Abigail has a tiny bit of joy when she catches James’ eye at the dinner table, but yet again Michelle has to dump condescension and then spitefulness all over it

Quote: “What would you do if this all happened with Ethan?” I asked her, letting my annoyance and tiredness take over my mouth before I could rein it in and stop it.

Abigail has the temerity to point out to Michelle what would she do if the situation were reversed. Michelle shrugs it off but I don’t know how much to believe her – I tend not to believe anything which comes out of her mouth. This reader thinks that if the situation were reversed, Michelle would not only be a gooey mess, but also want her friend’s support and congratulations.

Abigail nearly, nearly broke out of her self-imposed shell and said what she means, but all that came out was the small counterpoint. Abigail dreads that Michelle may be correct and that James is doing all of this as part of some elaborate trick, but Abigail shouldn’t doubt herself so much (aint that the truth) – she is a far better judge of character than she gives herself credit for.

Though, if in the remote possibility that it is some sort of cruel joke, Abigail knows that she will be devastated.

Author's Response: Abigail would never make Michelle feel bad about Ethan. She needs to see that there are other and better friends out there for her, much like Isabella!

Haha I probably shouldn't have included the nap and the tiredness, I may have been napping or tired whilst I was writing it, so just decided to include it. Sadly she's not sick (Although why am I sad that she's not sick? I'm a mean person!)

Michelle is always around to dump her spitefullness on people, it's the only thing we can rely on her for! Of course you're right, we can't believe anything that comes out of her mouth. Michelle would definitely want Abigails support 100% if it was the other way around.

She very nearly did! It was so close but it was there, she's growing up! *wipes away proud tear* You're right, she really shouldn't doubt herself so much.

Will it be a cruel joke? We shall see!

Thank you!! *Squishes you with the biggest hugs*


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Review #22, by oldershouldknowbetter The One With The Change In Friendship

23rd January 2015:
Review #5: the review which has the smell of honey about it.


James has kept being polite and unstalkerish – I like your James he seems like a good guy.

Michelle just keeps putting in digs to Abigail and doesn’t realise that what she’s doing is digging her own grave.

Then James again and his proximity for once makes the normally shy and reserved girl open up and let a small skerrick of information slip out about her toxic relationship with Michelle. It is the first real chink in the armour of habit she has encased herself in – apart from the silent whispers she does to herself which the reader knows she has been doing so long that they are devoid of power.

Honey lip balm, must go back and check … yep! Honey is one of James’ ‘love smells’, Oh it’s just made me feel all warm inside.

Author's Response: Oh James' rambles, it's a good thing that we know he's not a stalker. :P I'm glad that you like my James and think that he's a good guy.

Michelle really does need to realise that she is digging her own grave by being mean, you're totally right. But she's so blinded by thinking about herself, she doesn't really care about how Abigail is feeling or what she's being put through by the behaviour. It's sad. :(

James is going to be a good thing for her confidence.

Yep! It's one of the 'love smells' I had so much fun with those! :D Awww yay for the warm feeling!! :D

Your reviews give me the biggest warm feelings! :D


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Review #23, by oldershouldknowbetter The One With The Chocolate Of Forgiveness

23rd January 2015:
Review #4: The review which has chocolate in it


Abigail is still beating herself up over what was not her fault.

James arrives.

The eponymous chocolate of forgiveness – such a wonderful phrase to have in the back of my mind as I read this - oh, it’s actually written on the chocolate itself, how absolutely delightful.

James is again brave in coming up to Abigail to apologise.

Abigail is such an emotional mess deep down to her core that James’ presence and presents and politeness cause her poor fragile ego to flip and flop about so heart-wrenchingly.

The Chocolate of Forgiveness has unfortunately done little to dowse the flames of gossip.

One thing we learn is how truly friendless Abigail feels herself to be – it is saddening.

She retreats, to eat her chocolate in solitude, still not trusting the confection, let alone her encounter with James. We the readers know she should trust that chocolate to the ends of the Earth.

Author's Response: Who doesn't want chocolate of forgiveness? I would forgive anyone that brings me some... well, within reason. Although I would be so suspicious of it! Oh James! being adorable in his writing on the piece of chocolate wrapping paper.

James is definitely brave in coming to her after the disaster of previous chapters.

We do know she should trust the chocolate! :D


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Review #24, by oldershouldknowbetter The One With The Love Potion

23rd January 2015:
Review #3: The review which is longer because there is so much in the chapter.


A long chapter warrants a longer review.

On again, off again Michelle is back to being Abigail’s friend – as if she needs it. She feels she does – Abigail is just a little bit insecure and I suppose it fits with her Hufflepufness. I like it when people write stories about the Puffers or the Claws; it show that their stories have value too, not just the Slytherins or the Gryffindors.

Michelle is happier, but she cannot resist another dig at Abigail about James. If she’s not careful she’s going to drive them together.

Ah the love potion: such a good plot device and ‘story’ generator.

James is funny – good – but he’s smart too – even better. It is wonderful your characterisation of James; it is very brave of him, and hence true Gryffindor, to tell his ‘love smells’ out loud to the whole class (remember not even Hermione was brave enough to do that). I like it when authors remember to actually make their Gryffindors brave.

Good, Abigail has at least one ‘love smell’ the same as James, but rain? That seems to me to be some foreshadowing of some delicious rainy rendezvous with James to come – well at least one hopes so.

Quote: “Grass, soap and polish.” Michelle told me, she seemed almost smug about something. “That’s clearly a sign that I’ll love a Quidditch player.”

She’s a Quidditch player herself, isn’t she? So maybe that means she just loves herself.

Ah stolen love potion – even better to drive the story along and I note that Abigail wasn’t paying attention to Michelle when the latter was packing up – I wonder what she missed …

But the love potion is used so soon – no long and protracted build up. Obviously you must have more planned to fill the, what, twenty or so chapters after this one that you don’t need to drag out this plot device.

The whole ‘love scene’ is done well: sad and bittersweet and everything.

Abigail is gutted and what’s more is she cannot tell anyone why and will probably have to laugh it off in the future if someone mentions when James professed his love for her.

It is good to see James does have some good friends – one tends to be judged by the company you keep and if those two idiots were it, then …

Hmm, I wonder how Abigail is judged because of Michelle.

I wonder who the potion was actually meant for, Michelle? Why?

Author's Response: Wooo! Long review! :D

Abigail is really insecure and Michelle knows how to play on those insecurities to her advantage. She knows that Abigail won't go anywhere, because she's made Abigail see that she's her only friend.

I love writing about Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws!

Yep, the love potion is being used! Mwahahaha. :P

I'm so glad that you think that way about James and my characterisation of him. He's definitely a Gryffindor, it takes a lot to scare him.

Haha a delicious rendezvous in the rain? Maybe maybe! :D

She is a Quidditch player herself so it's definitely about her! Hahaha she does love herself!

Nope, no prolonged build up of whn it'll be used, Elijah and Barry jump right in there. I'm happy you thought that the scene was done well.

Poor Abigail and James, at least William was there to sort things out. He's a good friend.

Barry and Elijah originally planned to use the potion with Michelles hair and on James , so that he would fall for her instead. They just managed to get poor Abigail instead.


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Review #25, by oldershouldknowbetter The One With The 'Supportive' Best Friend

23rd January 2015:
Review #2: The review which explores the relationship with a biatch.


We now explore the relationship between the two friends. I called Michelle a ‘so called friend’ in the last review because we had some fore-shadowing of how this ‘friendship’ might develop in the future. We will see whether the relationship is as we suspect as we see them interact more in this chapter.

Well, our suspicions are soon confirmed because the relationship is a toxic one and it may become fully poisonous as the series progresses. Michelle is not nice to her at all and Abigail just rolls over and takes it. Michele is controlling; Abigail doesn’t have other friends due to Michelle’s influence; and sometimes she is just plain nasty
I do believe Abagail, that she has foresworn her crush on James – It was just a young girl’s fancy, but now with her coming to his notice … she finds that it might not be so easy to put it completely behind her. And do we blame her, James sounds dishy.

We have a very believable and sympathetic heroine in Abigail. She has some flaws but they are understandable and we hope that over the course of the story she will overcome them.

Michelle is that sort of person that most of us have encountered at one point of time or another. She treats her few (one?) friend so poorly because she knows that someday the friend will get up the courage to call them on their (can’t swear) nonsense. They have to be mean for so long, almost pre-emptively, for when the friend finally has had enough and gives it all up as too awful to endure and then Michelle can say ‘well, I knew you would turn out to be a biatch all along.’

Author's Response: I love how your reviews are based off of my chapter titles! That's a lovely touch! :D

Oh Michelle, she makes me want to hurt someone or something! Mainly her! She's sadly based off of me and my old best friend from high school, I'm glad she's not in my life any more that's for sure!

Yep, sadly the relationship between the two is toxic and it'll get worse. Poor Abigail, she needs to grow a backbone.

I don't blame her at all for her crush on James, he is dishy. :P

Michelle is very controlling, and she only has the one friend which is Abigail, she'll learn one day what she's doing.

Thank you once again!


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