Reading Reviews for Wrapped Up in Light
  
2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Freda_and_Georgina Wrapped Up in Light

26th November 2014:
Wow. Just wow. Everyone knows George is going to be depressed after his twin's death, but I never expected it to be that horrible Then again, nothing tragic like that has ever happened to me.

I'm surprised you made death female. In almost all works of literature that I've read, it's usually male (if given a gender). As for your concept of the afterlife, interesting. I like that you didn't give too many details to prevent from colliding with any readers' religious ideas. As for making a deal with death, that comes straight from the Tale of Three Brothers. Brownie points to you.

Oh, Fred. You made him very believable and loving of those he was close to. Only he would make a deal with death to set his twin up with his former girlfriend.

All in all, lovely story.
--Georgina

Author's Response: Thank you so much Georgina! Also Freda, because both of you are awesome.
I haven't looked at this story in so long, I had actually started calling this "the story that shall not be named" From the lack of interest in it.
I loved writing Fred in this, and George was so depressing to write. I loved writing that opening though...
Thanks again! Glad you thought it was lovely. :)
-Kyle


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Review #2, by LightLeviosa5443 Wrapped Up in Light

2nd December 2013:
Hi! Thanks for requesting a review in my thread!

So this chapter was a first for me, and I can certainly say it was very different from anything I have ever read.

The story jumps around here and there, but it's a one-shot, so when you're trying to cover a lot of things I think it's inevitable.

I think you could throw in a few more details, seeing as how it is a one-shot. For example, in that first section you have a load of details and it's really easy to follow, but you slowly begin to jump around after that. Don't be afraid to add a few extra details about the surroundings, or the persons thoughts. It gives the reader more to think about and maybe even relate to. It also adds to your word count which never hurts!

I like this story, that's for sure. It's a cute concept of Fred trying to get George and Angelina together because they both need each other to survive. I think the part where Fred is saying that it killed him every time George cried killed me.

A couple of grammar and spelling errors:

-"Maybe, it is the worry and frustration she put on her children." In this line you don't need a comma after maybe. It separates the word from the rest of the sentence causing it to not read smoothly.

- In the sentence "Could it be that the love she felt for her family, be strong enough to keep her together?" - it's like the second half of the sentence is missing a piece. Did you mean to have the words 'could it' in front of the word 'be'? It just seems like the sentence is missing something.

-The sentence when you're talking about the Veil you say "Some unknowable's discovered this property and where able to contain a concentration of it in the department of mysteries." - you should say 'and they were able' instead of 'and where able', also I don't think the 's is necessary attatched to the word unknowable. Unless you want to say Unknowable has discovered. So the sentence would read "Some unknowable discovered this property and they were able to contain a concentration of it in the department of mysteries."

I hope I helped!

xoxo LL

Author's Response: Thank you so much! Even though it was requested this gives me a lot of confidence in my story! I will go through to edit in some more detail, I kinda did rush through the end so I probably should slow down a little to give it better detail. Thanks again for your review!

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