Reading Reviews for Flowers in the Garden
25 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MrsJaydeMalfoy Taking a Nap

22nd August 2015:
Wow. This is quite an incredible take on Ariana! I really love how you've gotten into her mindset and talk about her wanting to be like the flowers - I can imagine she'd really HATE being in hiding and never being able to leave home all the time, and of course that caused her even more problems.

I've always been very curious as to what caused Ariana's particular problem, and reading this has really made me want to explore that in fic!

It's heartbreaking to read and Albus and Aberforth had to take care of things and explain what was going on to their younger sister, and it's even worse to think about what's going to happen after this. :(

Anyway, I think you did a wonderful job with conveying emotions here, as well, and with putting us into the mindset of Ariana! Well done dear!

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Review #2, by Shadowkat Taking a Nap

3rd July 2015:
BvB battle! Clicked the wrong person last time, but got it right now. It just means I gave someone a extra review to make them happy.

Anyway, I'm so glad to have read this. I love stories about Albus' sister. Ariana is so innocent, so naivť, and it's so sad to think of her being locked up for something she had no control over. All she wanted was to be like her brothers, but she couldn't. Then her mom died because of her, and somehow I think that got through. I just want to hug her so bad!

Not only that, but we know it only gets worse. Man it's sad.

Great job! Now excuse me while I go cry.

Author's Response: thanks so much for a lovely review!! I'm glad you enjoyed reading how I wrote Ariana. She's such a sweet person in my mind and wanted that to come through in the story.


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Review #3, by LastMinuteLuna Taking a Nap

31st May 2015:
Hello! Hello!

I'm LastMinuteLuna and I'm dropping by to leave you a review for the Pass It Along Challenge! I know. I know. It's awfully close to the deadline. I am cutting it quite close, but they don't call me LastMinuteLuna for nothing!

But enough about me. Let's talk about your fabulous story!

I haven't seen a story written from Ariana's perspective before, so I was immediately intrigued by that. I personally really love reading and writing characters who have mental issues and I think you've done a good job of showing us just how the attack had addled Ariana's brain.

I thought it was so sweet and innocent that Ariana wanted the whole family to be flowers. Her thoughts seems so much younger than she actually is, but again, we as the reader know why. The youthfulness of it all really adds a lightness to it, even when she's talking about her mother sleeping.

The final scene with Aberforth was well done. I like that you chose to have him comforting Ariana instead of Albus. Aberforth often seems to be forgotten in these types of stories, so it was nice to see him make an appearance.

A small bit of CC, I did notice a few typos through this story. None of them are really major, just something to clean up if you ever get back to this.

Uh oh! Times up. I have to run. I've got a few more reviews to leave and the deadline is approaching! Thanks for such a tragic story!


Author's Response: Last minute Luna!

Thank you for stopping by and giving such a wonderful review! I'm glad you enjoyed this story and that it was a new topic for you to read. I appreciate your cc as well.


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Review #4, by Beeezie Taking a Nap

9th July 2014:
I need to make a note to read some more stories from your author's page after I finish up with Rule Breaker, because the two one-shots I've read so far are amazing.

I love the concept behind this. Ariana is portrayed in the book - from Albus and Aberforth's accounts, anyway - as being so fragile and damaged, and I thought that you captured that perfectly. It wasn't even just the ending, though that all on its own was absolutely heartbreaking - it was that throughout the entire story, I could really see that Ariana wasn't like a normal girl. She didn't process things in the way that most people do, or even most children. You really took me into her frame of mind in a way that was gut-wrenching and utterly enveloping, and I loved the experience. This was amazing.

House Cup 2014 - Ravenclaw

Educational Decree #5

Author's Response: Oh jeez - I'm so flattered you think so!! *blush*

When I set out to write this, I really wanted to show her as an individual rather than someone her brothers had to take care of. it was difficult to get into her head and represent her unusual/limited view of hte world with respect. She was reasonable to her own way of thinking but not from anyone else's perspective - if that makes sense. Thank you so much for such a lovely, kind review!! I'm so happy you enjoyed this!


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Review #5, by Veritaserum27 Taking a Nap

9th July 2014:
Hi Rose!

I can't believe I haven't read this before. It is really well written. I really liked the comparison you made with the flowers. You did a fantastic job telling the story from the point of view of a young Arianna. She doesn't understand everything that is going on and she has her little outbursts. I really liked this line: Sometimes magic just happened to her like a burp after dinner. That is such a great way of explaining it. It was so sad that she just thought her Mum was asleep. Albus had to take on the role as the leader of the family and hide his grief, while Aberforth bore the brunt of having to tell little Arianna. It is almost like the two brothers' circumstances never allowed them to be close.

House Cup 2014 Review
Educational Decree #5

Author's Response: Beth!!

I don't think I could have written this from anyone else's POV. The parental death feels - if I had to face them full on - would have been crippling to write. Writing from Ariana's POV was its own challenge though. With her delicate state of mind, I wanted to give her a respectful represetnation that accurately showed her simplified state of mind. The death scene with Kendra was really difficult for me to write. It's just so emotional.

Thanks for a wonderful review!


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Review #6, by Panda Weasley  Taking a Nap

10th June 2014:
Hi Rose!

First things first I just want to tell you how much I like this story. I think it is a very interesting portrayal of Ariana and how her mother died. We don't get a lot of information about it in the books, but this story seems completely plausible and real. I think you did a really good job with this story.

I didn't find any mistakes and there isn't anything I would change. This story is that good! Excellent work!

B vs. B

Author's Response: Hello!!!

I'm so happy you liked this story. I like writing pieces that tie together bits of information from the books.

Thank you so much for a sweet review!


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Review #7, by adluvshp Taking a Nap

27th January 2014:
Hey! Here for review tag =)

This was such a sad and sweet little one-shot. I loved your characterisation of Arianna here. Her slightly disturbed yet innocent state was very well portrayed throughout. I really felt for her when she missed her brothers in the beginning and wanted to be a flower. And the way you described her "outburst" was also nicely done. Towards the end when her mother died, it was really very sad how she couldn't grasp the concept of her mother dying.

Your descriptions were beautiful and I really loved your writing overall. The plot itself was very nice and your execution of it was brilliant. I didn't see any grammar issues either, and this made for a smooth read.

I enjoyed it, great job =)

Author's Response: Hi AD!

Thank you for such a lovely review. It was an interesting challenge to write from Ariana's point of view. Her innocence and rage felt key but I also wanted to show her relatable side - which is why I gave her the flowers. Kendra's death was especially hard for me to write - her inability to graps the situation was rather sad for me. I'm glad it hit you the same way. :)

I'm so glad to hear this was a good read and that the plot was enjoyable.

Thank you!


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Review #8, by LittleLionGirl Taking a Nap

24th January 2014:
All I have to say is wow. It was a really amazing piece. I like how you explained everything through Ariana's eyes, especially her own outbursts. It tore a piece of my heart out when they explained what happened to their mum when the poor child thought she was sleeping... Keep on writing toomanycurls!

Author's Response: Hi LLG!

I'm so glad you liked this story. Writing through Ariana's eyes was a bit difficult for me but I'm glad it worked out. I didn't think Ariana would have the capacity to understand the difference between a sleeping figure and a dead one, not for a bit at least. If it makes you feel any better, I got worked up while I was writing that part (which is why it's so short).

Thank you so much!


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Review #9, by navyfail Taking a Nap

20th January 2014:
Hi! I'm here from the review swap.


This was good. Like really good.

I've never read a story on Ariana's mum's death so this is my first. But... wow. One second Ariana was thinking of the flowers and the next uncontrollable magic exploded from her and her mother was dead. Oh, Ariana. How it must have been for her to lose her mother, the only person who would stick with her, is unimaginable.

Anyway, this one-shot was lovely! I enjoyed reading it a lot. I really like the flower part you incorporated. The characterization throughout was great. And how Ariana reacted felt very realistic. Your writing style is quite magnificent and your words go together well.

Favorite lines:

"The world around her blurred as fear and anger erupted throughout the young girl. Her head was spinning with emotions that she could not control or quite comprehend. "

"Two brothers did not equal a mother, not by anyone's accounting. " This is so true. *sobs*

~Sama :D
P.S. I love Coldplay too btw. :)

Author's Response: Hi Sama!

:D I'm really glad this was good. It means a lot to hear that.

I haven't read many others either - I wanted to show how outside of herself it was to experience the death of her mother. Ariana was fixated on the flowers but her magic got the best of her. I couldn't bring myself to show it when death really settled in (I mean, it starts to at the end but going past that would have been too hard).

I'm really happy you liked the flowers in the story. i thought they made a good symbol for what she cared about and her ability to feel deeply even if others don't see it.

Yay! Another Coldplay fan! Thank you so much for such a lovely review. You picked some the lines I'm the proudest of as your favorites. :)


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Review #10, by 800 words of heaven Taking a Nap

15th January 2014:

For some reason, I haven't read this one-shot of yours yet, and I can't quite fathom why. This is just so beautifully written! I loved the way you wrote Ariana. You captured what it must have been like for her, all alone, like a prison.

It's obvious that Albus and Aberforth both really love and care for Ariana but they're young men, eager to go off into the world and forge their own path. I really felt Ariana's sadness at being left behind.

And then that ending! I'm not sure if I read this right, but I don't think Ariana realises that it was because of her that her mother died - yes? Does she ever realise? What happens if she realises? Can you see how I'm not so subtly hinting for a sequel? :P

This was really wonderful, and sad, and real. I really really liked it. And I'm very serious about that sequel...

Author's Response: You were probably waiting to get through other awesome stuff first. :D And this one came out when I was posting new stories left and right. It was easy to miss. I'm really glad this was a good read. I wanted to show the boundaries of her life but also her mostly happy perspective on it.

I might have been using my own younger sibling feelings there. I think it's rather universal for the youngest sibling to feel that regardless of them having a handicap like Ariana did.

Ariana doesn't realize that she killed her mum. I'm not sure she ever does. I have a sort of sequel in the back of my head that would take us to Ariana's death but it wouldn't be a happy story (duh). So, there may be one but I don't think it'd cover what you want.

I'm really thrilled you enjoyed this! I cried writing it (which hardly happens to me). haha, I'll add the sequel to my story queue.

Thank you for an awesome review!

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Review #11, by iWrite Taking a Nap

9th December 2013:
I adore the way that you painted the mother/daughter brother/sister relationships in this. Extremely realistic and relateable, I love it.

The way that you describe her relationship with the flowers and what they mean to Ariana. This was like a beautiful glimps into the Dumbledores' lives. Extremely interesting and a very good read. Thank you for posting this! I enjoyed it immensely!


Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad the relationships and main metaphor resonated with you.


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Review #12, by GingeredTea Taking a Nap

6th December 2013:
The summary you chose was really intriguing and after reading all your summaries this was the one I could not draw away from.

I loved how you made her seem perfectly logical inside of her own head. Your flow was simply amazing and the faint sense that she was "not okay" really did much better than making her sound entirely crazy.

It was poignant, powerful, and riveting.

I loved the way you turned the moms behaviors around and had Ariana try to use them to wake her up. It was really really sad. And the way that Albus handled it was like a peek into his future self, the way that "Abbie" dealt with her, also seemed very in-character. LOVE.

I have no critiques.

Author's Response: Hi GingeredTea!

^_^ I'm kind of fond of this one so I'm very happy it drew you in.

I hadn't thought of making Ariana logical on purpose until you mentioned it. I did want to be respectful of her condition (mentally and physically) and give her a humane representation. Making her seem entirely crazy didn't feel right. I suppose I think all people see themselves as logical otherwise they wouldn't do the things they do.

ah! I'm all a flutter. *blush*

Having Ariana use her mom's techniques to comfort her was meant to be a stab of sad. :D I'm really glad that Albus and Abbie were good versions of their younger self!! It was fun to think of them as teens.

Thank you so much for a wonderful review!!


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Review #13, by LilyLou Taking a Nap

5th December 2013:

Oh, what an amazing one shot! This is the second Ariana one shot I've read today, and I have to say I'm so impressed with this! You wrote Ariana so well. Oh, so well. She was just as I always expected her to be. As well as Aberforth. You wrote him with that tenderness I always expected from young Aberforth. It was made clear in DH that Aberforth was very fond of his sister and loved her, so I always pictured him just as you wrote him. Tender and kind to her. You wrote Albus well, too. He was in control and took over during the situation by leading Ariana to her bed and giving her her 'special pumpkin juice'. He also came in and gave her some more of that 'special pumpkin juice' when she was beginning to sob hysterically. I'm guessing that was to put her to sleep, like a calming drought? That way they avoided any accidents happening?

This was absolutely amazing! So very well done. I don't really have any CC for you!


Author's Response: Hi Janelle!!

Two Ariana stories in one day? Wow, I didn't think many people wrote about her. Ahh, I'm so thrilled to hear I wrote her well. She was so difficult for me to tap into. I understood Albus and Aberforth better so they were a bit easier for me to understand (and write). There was a sleeping or calming draught in her pumpkin juice (didn't really decide which). I think it was to let her enjoy a night of dreamless sleep after a trauma.

I'm so glad you liked it! Thank you so much for an amazing review!!


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Review #14, by patronus_charm Taking a Nap

27th November 2013:
Hey Rose, here for the swap and Iím so glad I picked this piece as itís so gut wrenching!

Airanaís narrative really was great. It has the perfect childlike air with the way she couldnít understand the situation and simply wanted to pick flowers and not read like her mother told her to. I thought you coupled it really well with the way she was kept as a prisoner and how she just couldnít understand the importance of her needing to stay inside and keep herself under control. It really highlighted how awful it must have been for her with her not really understanding the situation.

The bond you portrayed between her, Aberforth and Albus was really wonderful. The way she yearned for them when they were away and the gentle nature they used with her showed how much they must have loved her. I liked how you made Albus nice to her too, because I have stories where he treats her horribly which I donít think is always true. Just the tender way he gave her the pumpkin juice and sent her to sleep after announcing their motherís death really touched at my heart and made me so sad.

I thought you wrote the death really well too. It had this awful slow motion air about it just like a horror film and the way Airana just didnít realise what she had done made it even worse because it was like we were stuck in time with some of us knowing and others still being left behind in realisation. The death of Kendra was really sudden too in a way and I really liked it as it had enough time to resonate in my mind.

Great one-shot and I thought you handled these characters really brilliantly!


Author's Response: Hi Kiana!!

I'm sure it'll sound weird of me to say this, but I'm glad this was gut-wrenching. I tapped some emotions that I don't typically channel when I write. So, if it cost me something to write I'm glad it costs people something to read. ^_^

Describing Ariana's life and general circumstance was a challenge. I wanted to be respectful of her condition and not write it in a way that was, I'm not sure, not right. It means so much to me that it felt genuine and sweet.

I couldn't have imagined Albus being mean to Ariana. I mean, indifferent maybe (once Gellart showed up) but never mean. I'd be shocked to see that!

Oh gosh, Kendra's death scene was so sad for me to write. Between Ariana's innocence and not realizing what happened.

Thank you so much for such an awesome review!! I'm very happy you liked it!!


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Review #15, by rozen_maiden Taking a Nap

25th November 2013:
Funnily enough, I have seen this story before - a while back, but I didn't have time to read it, though I wanted to - so I'm exceptionally happy I had you for the review tag :)
And first, let me just say how much I actually admire you for the beautiful metaphor! Comparing the Dumbledore's to flowers in Ariana's mind is just magnificent, and using it in the first paragraph as you did really set the tone for your one-shot: a curious mix between melancholoy and hope. I, in particular, thought that this sentence was just beautiful: 'The flowers meant hope and the return of her family. Like the flowers, her family went away in the fall and were replaced by cold weather and snow.' Really, I love it! It read so gorgeously, I could not praise you enough!

And Ariana herself ... The imagery in your words painted her so clearly in my mind. She was just how I picture a younger sister - wanting to leave the house to be with her 'cool' older brothers. Mums *are* just mums, and it's sad and ironic how you worked that into the beginning of the story, only for her to realise at the end how important mothers actually are. And this: 'How could Mum die when she wasn't in Azkaban? Did that mean she wouldn't come home?' I think my heart broke! She is so innocent, and that one sentence just highlighted how innocent and young she actually was, in her mind. It was beautiful and heartbreaking to read.

Like I said, I'm so happy I finally got to read this (happy probably isn't the right word, but ... oh well). Your writing is just beautiful and flows perfectly. This story really struck a chord with me. Well done, and thank you for the amazing read. I loved it :)

- Mahalia

Author's Response: Hi Mahalia!!

I'm not sure I'll articulately respond to this - your review is much too awesome and nice for me to have well formed thoughts. I'm really glad you got to come back and check this out! Even better that you liked it. :D

When I started this, I didn't plan on taking the flower metaphor as far as I did. It evolved as I was writing and became a much larger part of the story than I meant to at first. At first it was going to be the hook/intro to Ariana.

Ariana definitely came from my younger sister experince. Older siblings always seem cool and admirable. The irony with Kendra's death weighed so heavily on me when I first wrote this. I reached into an emotional place I usually don't access when I write (it's too tender to explore in depth). It's really good to hear that it touched you.

Thank you for calling my writing beautiful. This story was quite the labor of love and grief. Thank you also for such a kind and wonderful review!


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Review #16, by maraudertimes Taking a Nap

19th November 2013:
Oh wow. This is... something. It's so powerful and sad, yet so amazing. I honestly don't know how you do it. My last review was peppered with OMGs, but.. I just can't. I would feel like it's taking away from the beautiful simplicity of the piece...

So just imagine my OMGs while I sit back and reread this again, because this was too heart-wrenchingly and enchantingly beautiful to be true.

I just... I wish I had something more... something better to say. But I don't. And I wish I did because it deserves it.

Just... wow!


Author's Response: ah, your reviews give me so much squee! This was hard for me to write because it hit an emotional part of me that I usually don't tap when I write.

I'm really glad this hit you in a strong way and that it was beautiful. I've always felt there's a certain level of beauty in the realness of death.

You've said enough and you said it perfectly.

Thank you!!


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Review #17, by True Author Taking a Nap

14th November 2013:
Aww, I'm feeling so sorry for ALL of them right now! :(

I've always felt bad for Dumbledore and his siblings after we got to know about his past life in Deathly Hallows. This helped me to know what Ariana might have felt.

I loved your characterizations very very much. Ariana was extremely believable, with her innocence and her love for her family both well written.

This was canon and believable to me.

This was really a nice read! It made me feel bad for the whole family...

Good job!

Ashwini =]

Author's Response: Hello!!

I'm glad this helped you understand what might have happened/how they might have felt.

It's really great to hear the characterizations seemed believable!

Ah, nothing is better than hearing that I was able to influence your idea of canon!

Thank you so much for sucn a nice review!

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Review #18, by Singularity Taking a Nap

9th November 2013:
This was a really sweet, sad story. I thought you made good use of the flower metaphor throughout, though it would have been nice if you could have found a way to tie it back in at the ending, just because it was such a big part of the story before her mother's death.

I really liked how you wrote Ariana's interactions with her brothers and how sweet and gentle they both were with her. She seemed like the typical little sister who wanted nothing more than to tag along with her older siblings, but was unable to.

You can definitely see how those lyrics could have been an inspiration for this story (especially the line about how two brothers do not equal a mother). I also think you did well with writing a realistic interpretation of how Kendra's death might have occurred. Well done :)

Author's Response: The lyrics caused me to tweak the story a bit. I was going to write about Ariana's death but then Kendra's felt more powerful to me (with the lyrics and my own emotions). I'm really glad her death seemed plausible. I didn't want to specify what exactly her blow was just that she had one and it caused her mom to die.

I guessed from the book that both her brothers cared for Ariana deeply and were quite nice to her. Like most youngest siblings, Ariana wanted to be like her older brothers. She seemed quite a few years younger.

I'm so glad you liked this story and the symbolism of the flowers. I'll have to think through how to add the flower imagry back to the end of the story.

Thank you so much for an awesome review!


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Review #19, by quixotic Taking a Nap

8th November 2013:
Hey! Here from the Blue and Bronze Battle!
I really loved the story, sad and heartbreaking as it was, it was beautifully written.
I like the way, when you wrote it from Ariana's perspective, you made sure that the narration had a certain childlike quality as if the readers were really in her mind. It just made your story more realistic.
Ariana never seems to have an idea that she has a problem. Everyone in her family just treats her normally and hides the worry they feel about her condition. You've just made her to be like any other little girl who wants to hang out with her brothers because they're 'cool'. She never walks around with a weight on her shoulders that she's permanently sick and for that I bow down to you.
Great job!

Author's Response: Hi quixotic!

wow, I'm quite flattered by just the first line of your review. Thank you!!

Having Ariana as the narrator put me in a corner with keeping the tone and perspective very childlike. I really enjoy playing with narrative perspective when I write.

I've known children with epilepsy and I kind of equated their illness with Ariana's. They don't know they're sick or what really happens to them until they're at an age where they can process what it means to be sick. I'm sure Ariana's family wanted her to feel as normal as she could.

Thank you so much for such a kind and thoughtful review!!


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Review #20, by HollyStone73 Taking a Nap

7th November 2013:
This is sooo sad, but yet so innocently done. I love how you have kept the childlike innocence to Ariana despite her obvious tendencies for violent outburst. Her cradling her mother's head and singing a lullaby was just too heart breaking. I have actually never read anything about Ariana before so this was very interesting for me to read and think about how things might have seemed from her perspective. I think my favorite line has got to be, "There wasn't a danger...Just the flowers."
All in all a great job and a pleasure to read!! Great job!

For review Tag,

Author's Response: Hi Laura!

Thank you so much for picking this story. It's newer so I'm glad to get feedback on it!

"Sad but yet so innocent" is a wonderfully kind way to describe this. That made me grin quite a bit.

I am so glad you liked Ariana's characterization and actions. She was one character from DH that just popped out to me as interesting. I'm surprised there's not more about her.

Thank you so much for the very nice and thoughtful review!


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Review #21, by marauderfan Taking a Nap

5th November 2013:
Hi there!

I've never read anything about Ariana Dumbledore (or, well, any of the Dumbledores when they were young) so I was really intrigued to find this! And as much as I want to continue reading your fear short story, I couldn't resist reading this.

This was so sad! Poor Ariana. I must say, you did so well at writing such a young character who doesn't understand what is happening or what she's doing. The way she sees the situation is so innocent and perfectly suited to her age. She doesn't understand that she's purposely being kept in the house to avoid those "terrible incidents", she just thinks her mum isn't as fun as her brothers.

I also liked the way you wrote her relationships with her mum and older siblings, it seemed so realistic. From the way that she wanted to join her "cool" older brothers at school and in adventures, to the way her Mum just didn't understand (in Ariana's eyes), she was a very real character and I could absolutely see the aspect of the youngest sibling feeling left out from all the fun.

And the way she reacted to her mother's death - ugh that just tugged at my heartstrings. This: Death was a concept Ariana had heard many times. Dad died in Azkaban and never came home. How could Mum die when she wasnít in Azkaban? Did that mean she wouldnít come home? When did she leave?
I was really touched by that. Kids see death so much differently from how adults do, and I think the way you wrote her interpretation of it is excellent. For her, it's more confusing than sad, until she starts to realise what it means and how things will change. The way you handled the balance of how a young kid sees the world and her emotions and confusion is admirable. And ugh I just want to give the girl a hug :(

The end was well done too, with Aberforth taking responsibility for his sister. It definitely hints at what is to come later as mentioned in the books, how she was so much closer to Aberforth than Albus.

Great work on this (as always!) And good luck in the challenges! ♥

Author's Response: Hi!!!

So, one, it's great that this seems a bit more unique than other stories out there. I didn't poke around to see if there were other Ariana stories out there. I kind of assumed there were but I haven't been into FF as deeply in the past 5 years (so I'm a bit disconnected with the trends). and two, I'm thrilled you want to coninue with the Fear series. :D

I struggled with how to portray Ariana so I'm glad it felt right. She wasn't too young but always seemed childlike based on how Aberforth and Albus talked about her. I'm sure to her, her magical outburts weren't too big of a deal (apart from being draining) but she didn't know the legal issues with having someone who can't control their magic. :-/ It does say a lot about Kendra that she did work so hard to keep her daughter safe from St. Mungos (which would have been the easier route for a daughter who couldnt' control herself).

I'm really happy her relationships were realistic. I was the youngest in my family until I was 8 (with my older siblings being 5 years older than me) - I definitely put a bit of my own feelings and experiences into her desire to be one of the older kids. I'm sure it was even worse for Ariana with the combo of youngest and considered fragile.

I'm sorry it was hard to read about her mom's death and I'm quite happy it was hard to read. I think there's a time in life where people don't realize that everyone dies. It's not just something that happens in special/weird circumstances.

I'm very glad you liked Aberforth taking a bit more responsiblity with her in explaining their mother's death. I imagine having him bring the news was because of their close relationship.

Thank you very much for such an incredible review!!


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Review #22, by bellatrixlestrange123 Taking a Nap

2nd November 2013:
Hi Hi Hi!

OK, so I was rather happy about reading this since your 'Moment Of Fear' is finished and I always enjoy reading your works. Especially since I was hoping to take part in both these challenges before school got in the way ugh :(

Anyway, on with the review!

I think the notion behind this story was so sweet. Ariana's thoughts so childlike and innocent for someone who had the problems that she did. You did a brilliant job in portraying her as sweet and harmless but when the magic side of her took over she could do nothing to control it.

It was heartbreaking reading about Ariana and her mother's relationship and her constant attempts to hide Ariana in the house. It was especially harrowing when Ariana started to sing a lullaby to her mother, not realizing that she was in fact dead.

The ending to the story was very key to if you think about how Aberforth was meant to grow very fond of his sister after his mother's death. It was very heartfelt and real and moving!

Well done and all the best with the challenge! If you need anything else reviewing don't hesitate to PM me!

Bella x

Author's Response: Hi!!!

I didn't know you finished Moment of Fear - I hope you liked it!! :D I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to enter these challenges. I struggled to get this out at the last moment.

I seriously debated on how to write Ariana. I wasn't sure if she would be at the same developmental level as kids her age (I believe she was 14 or so) because of the trauma she faced. Anyway, I am really glad it worked out well.

I was trying to break a few hearts with the lullaby scene. It was hard for me to write (emotionally).

Showing Aberforth and Ariana's relationship was the only happy thought I could think to end on.

Thank you so much for this awesome review! I'll be sure to PM you if I get another story to exchange.


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Review #23, by milominderbinder Taking a Nap

2nd November 2013:
Heya! Here reviewing for team blue on the Ravenclaw review battle.

This just about broke my heart! I've actually never read anything from this era before, let alone anything about Ariana, but I've always thought she was a really fascinating character and I think here you really captured everything that makes her so interesting.

Honestly, I don't even know how to review this, you've made me feel so sad! I don't usually get this affected by death in fic, I'm pretty stoic since I write lots of depressing stories myself, but something about this really cut through me.

My favourite lines were:

Mum's voice raised as if there were some danger lurking just out of sight. There wasn't a danger Ė just the flowers.

^for some reason I found that line very intense and also very scary, Ariana's childlike eyes compared to the real dangers of the world that her mother has to deal with.

Dad died in Azkaban and never came home. How could Mum die when she wasn't in Azkaban? Did that mean she wouldn't come home? When did she leave? Tears were streaming down Ariana's face before she realized that she was crying. It was almost impossible to comprehend. Mum. Gone.

^ I think this perfectly captured the mental state of someone trying to comprehend death who simply isn't mature enough to understand what it is, but at the same time is still emotionally affected by death, they just don't understand WHY.

Overall, I thought this was an incredible story, even if it was really sad! Well done for writing this, and for portraying so well a character who's written about so little.


Author's Response: Hi Maia!!

Your review is a new level of awesome that I've not had in reviews before.

I'm not sure if I'm sorry I just about broke your heart or disappointed I didn't completely break it. :P I'm really glad the story was about characters that aren't often written about. I like trying something fresh sometimes.

Just hearing that you don't usually get moved by death in a fic and this one did move you means a lot (more than a lot actually).

You picked two of my favorite lines from the story. ^_^ Writing about Ariana trying to understand what death meant was particularly hard for me to write. I touched the surface of my own grieving processes and experiences to write that so I'm really glad it's had an impact.

I'm beyond moved that you like this (although it is sad).


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Review #24, by Lady Asphodel Taking a Nap

1st November 2013:
Ah. this is so sad!!!

This is my very first time reading a fic that stars with Arianna.

And it's so sad - more sad that she really couldn't grasp the fact that she killed her own mother. :'(


Sorry. I'm just amazed. I shouldn't be because everyone on the forums are awesome! So.. I mean... usually... depending I guess what character I'm reading, death fics don't really bother me - unless like I said before depends on the character, and if it's my favorite characters! And it has to be done right. (Well of course it takes that to make a good story) Sorry - rambling.

Anyways, this is really sweet... yet so sad... I'm sorry - I'm gonna keep saying that, but do know that this was also greatly written.

Awesome job!

Happy Writing!

From the Review Thread,

- Asphodel

Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked it and sorry but pleased it moved you to the point of rambling. :D

I do think Ariana's innocence and ignorance of the situation was tragic and uber sad.

Thank you so much for this review. It is nice to hear I managed to make it sweet and sad (as well as moving).


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Review #25, by Rumpelstiltskin Taking a Nap

31st October 2013:
When I noticed on the forums that you cried while writing this I was very afraid to read it. Remember that issue about landing Rumpel in the hospital? You are a main source of this, I'll have you know!

But can I help myself.

Nope. Never. :)

So I've given this story several rereads in attempt to formulate a review that would give some justice to your story. I can't. But I thought that I should try and leave something (anything) as a response to your lovely work.

This was beautiful, as most tragedies should be.

Ariana's characterization was refreshingly unique. I know it's a fact that in order for a story to seem real, the characters must first seem real. You have done a fantastic job at making Ariana seem very real to me. You've allowed her the authentic complex of being the youngest sibling. Although I am the oldest sibling, I was also the youngest cousin. Which means that I was often left behind because of my age. And her reactions to her mother's death were undeniably palpable. You've done a brilliant job at depicting a young girl.

My favorite line had to be replaced by my favorite line that I could actually handle commenting on. Sorry about that. "Mum never understood these problems." Isn't this very true in the eyes of a child? Adults never seem to quite understand a child's personal catastrophes as they are deemed trivial.

I am sorry if I'm a bit disconnected from the story, but the tragedy strikes close to home. I'll spare you the details, but I was able to connect with Ariana in the sense that I was old enough in the face of my tragedy to understand what death was, but really too young to comprehend it. I also made connections with Albus and Aberforth as I was the oldest sibling. I had to deal with consoling my two younger siblings while not really being able to deal with it myself. Something I haven't come to terms with yet, and I doubt I ever will.

I do apologize for my review, but know that I really did love this.


Author's Response: Rumpel!!

I am very glad you decided to read this despite my proclamation that I cried writing it. I guessed I might have been a main culprit in your post about nearly ending the hospital. :( I promise that my next story will be happier!!

Ariana was a hard person for me to get into. I wasn't sure how to write someone who was a teenager but not quite there emotionally or developmentally. I went for childlike as it seemed like the best (and most respecful) way to write about something I didn't quite understand. I was the youngest for quite a while growing up. My older siblings are close in age where I'm 5 years younger than they are. I definitely related to the odd-man-out feeling.

I completely understand about this being a hard story to read. I touched the surface of difficulties I've had since my mom died. I was barely and adult when it happened so I had to reimagine the grief. It was hard though. That was the part that made me cry while I was writing this. I didn't dig deep into my feelings about Mom's death but just touching that area was enough for tears to start.

It really means a lot that you did read and review it despite it being an emotionally difficult piece to read through. *hugs* Sometimes FF is my cheap therapy for stuff I need to get out.


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