Reading Reviews for Finding Him
17 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Beeezie manor.

17th August 2015:
Hey, Sama! I'm here for our swap & BvB! ♥

I'm super curious about Nutshell, which looks fascinating, but I figured that since I'd already read the first chapter of Finding Him, I should continue on with that. If you'd like to do a multi-chapter swap, though, I'd totally be up for it! :)

So, first off, and totally unrelated to your writing: did you make that CI? Because it's absolutely adorable. I love it. (Sorry - I figure you understand, though. :P)

I love Rose's reticence to sit with Albus's friends - the discomfort she feels around other Slytherins but not around him is a nice touch, and it's very realistic to me... despite the fact that your Albus really does come across as very strongly a Slytherin! The way he immediately asks for her help when she sits down really made me laugh - there's acerbic wit, opportunism, and affection all rolled into one. Perfect job.

I also love, though, that her pride is such that when Scorpius actually challenges her, she rises to the occasion - and finds that his friends really aren't so terrible after all. I'm wondering whether she just has selective memory or whether she doesn't actually spend much time with Albus in groups. I guess either is possible.

Really, though, I enjoy Rose's characterization in general! I appreciated her repeated dodging her family's pressure to get her flat connected to the floo network, and to be honest, I don't blame her. I certainly wouldn't want that direct connection - it strikes me as giving other people way too much power to waltz into my living space uninvited, and I like privacy. I also enjoyed the juxtaposition between her thoughts about Slytherins in school and her actually seeking out Astoria Malfoy for help - it really speaks to how much she's changed and how close to Scorpius she was. My heart goes out to her, and I'm curious to see what happens next!

There are a couple little things I do want to point out, though.

When Rose first heads over to sit with Albus, she thinks about Scorpius as a blonde [she's] already been warned about in first year - that seemed a little off to me. While I can see her having that reaction in her first or even second year, it strains my credulity that she'd remember it at all or that she'd have so little exposure to him that something her father said more than six years ago would come to mind. It's minor, but I thought I'd mention it. Along the same lines, it seemed a little odd to me that there were students in Rose's year (presumably - I'm assuming the girl sitting with Amy and Sophie is a seventh year as well) who she doesn't even know the names of. I can understand not speaking to them, but they've shared classes for years - you'd think she'd have learned their names.

I also noticed a couple little typos - when Rose is talking to Astoria, you wrote I'm scared she dpesn't as opposed to doesn't, and in the next line, you write any clue to wear he is when I think you meant to write where.

Those are minor, though, and otherwise, I think you did a wonderful job here. Jumping between time periods generally worked out well, despite there being several different jumps, which is really impressive! I do wish that I had a better sense of when seventh year was in comparison to the present, though - it did confuse me at points.

I loved this, though, and I'm so curious to see what happens next!

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Review #2, by ScorpiusRose17 morning.

16th August 2015:

I am here with your review!

I really like this chapter. I think you did a great job of capturing my attention and making me want to read on to see what is going to happen to Rose and Scorpius.

I think the plot is brilliant! It can be hard with characters that have been over done with the same general plot idea, but you haven't fallen into that category.

I love the way you have characterized Rose. She's determined, but at the same time reserved. Which is a nice change of pace from other stories. I am really looking forward to seeing her characterization unfold as this continues. Albus was great too. I like the confident, caring, sometimes odd Albus so this totally works for me!

As far as Britishisms, I didn't see anything that stuck out to me. A couple of things I did notice were these:

He has a knowingly look on his face as if he knew I am lying.

-I think you may have meant 'knowing' here in this sentence rather than knowingly.

His continues to observe me, trying to guess what I had been thinking of.

-With this sentence I think you may have meant 'He continued' instead of "His continues..."

The swirl of thoughts clear and is replaced my determination.

-I think you may have meant to say 'replaced by my determination' instead of "replaced my determination. "

Overall, I think you have an excellent opening chapter that captures my attention and makes me want to read more of the story. I really enjoy the characterization of Rose and Albus and that you stay away from making them fall into the normal cliche' characters. The plot is also well explained and promises for a lot to occur. I also found a few spots where some words were mixed up or needed to be changed around, but nothing that took away from the story itself. Those were merely suggestions only.

I hope this review has helped you!

I look forward to reading more!


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Review #3, by MadiMalfoy morning.

11th August 2015:
Hi! I'm here with the review you asked for about a month ago. :)

So firstly, yay for Scorose! I haven't read one in ages, so this was a nice reminder of why I like the pairing.

You've really intrigued me from the get go with the writing style--even though I've never read any of your other stories (which will soon be changing!)--it's unusual in general, and the fact you had it in your areas of concern made it stand out even more to me. Really, all I have is praise for the way you've started this story off! The style actually helps with the plot, in my opinion, because it is so unique. The plot in general is intriguing too--why does Rose feel this way about Scorpius after four years? And what happened between them and where is he? These are all really good questions for your readers to be asking, especially for the first chapter because it keeps them interested.

As far as grammar and punctuation goes, the only recurring thing I noticed was with dialogue. When you have the dialogue tag after the dialogue, it should be in this format: "quote," he said. So the spoken words end in a comma and the first word is not capitalized, unless it's a proper noun (a name). That's really the only CC I have for you with that, the rest of it is fairly smooth!

This is a great start to what I'm sure is quite the story! Please feel free to re-request for the next chapter or for anything else on your AP. :)
~MadiMalfoy x

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Review #4, by coolgf ministry.

28th July 2015:
This a really good story, you really shouldn't wait so long.

Author's Response: I'm glad that you're liking the story! Ah, my updating skills will get better hopefully. The next chapter should up sometime this month! Thank you for taking the time to read and review!


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Review #5, by LeviosaAsh manor.

28th July 2015:
I think I might be in love with your story. Very well written and fascinating story! I also love the way you depict Rose, as a true Weasley-Granger. Keep writing! =]

Author's Response: Aw, thank you! It makes me so happy to hear that you think it's well written and interesting. I've always imagined Rose as in between of Hermione and Ron so maybe that's why she came out like that, but I'm glad you like her! Thank you for taking the time to read and review! Your review definitely brought a smile to my face. :)


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Review #6, by TreacleTart manor.

28th July 2015:
Hi Sama,

Back for our second review swap!

I am so happy that Rose decided to start trying to track Scorpius down. After the last chapter and how positively miserable she was, it seems like the necessary action. Although, in all honesty, I'm not sure that she's going to get a ton of information out of Astoria.

Her trip to Malfoy Manor was quite interesting. I like that it wasn't the unpleasant place it used to be. Once again, I was really captivated by all of the details that you've included. I could imagine everything quite vividly. Astoria fit right in with it all. She wasn't rude, but not exactly warm either. It seemed very clear that while she wouldn't directly tell Rose to go away, she wouldn't help her either. That seems fitting of Astoria. I never really imagined her as hateful or mean, so I think the sort of clipped tone fits her well.

Now the mystery begins. Who gave Rose the address? Was someone hanging around outside of the house waiting for her or did Astoria just slip it into her hand quickly before she left? If Astoria did it, then why pretend like she wasn't going to help. Very mysterious.

I really enjoyed the quip about house elves and the fact that the Malfoy's own one making Rose feel sick. That tells me she's Hermione's daughter more than anything else does.

I noticed that in your author's notes you said this chapter was unedited, so here are the typos I noticed for when you get a chance to go back and edit this.

study than pin after guys – pine after

“Not that that sounds great and lovely and all but exactly what do you want?” – should be “Not that that doesn’t sound great and lovely….”

he hadn't talk about them too much. – either “he didn’t talk about” or “he hadn’t talked about”

tomato slices and drop it into the bowl. – drop them into the bowl (should be them because slices is plural)

Relocating….as he is moving – as in he is moving…

"No idea, it is supposed to be disclosed." – not sure if this a typo or not, but based on the context of the conversation…I’m assuming this should be “it isn’t supposed to be disclosed”

What does the words on your bench say? – What do the words on….?

All in all, I really love the premise of this story so far. You've managed to stay away from the cliches and create something that seems unique and original. I'd really like to read more of this and hope you'll let me know when the next chapter is up.

Good work.


Author's Response: Hi Kaitlin!

Rose is going after him finally! It'll be a bumpy ride but I'm excited. I honestly don't think Rose expected to get anything out of the Malfoys. She just went there because she knew if she didn't, she'll have this voice nagging at her saying 'what if they knew something', you know?

Astoria... even though we didn't really meet her in the HP books, I love her. I've always imagined her as in the middle as well, not nice but not cruel either.

Astoria is the one who slipped it into her hand as Rose left. It was really a last minute thing for Astoria, she wasn't sure if she should or shouldn't give it but she did in the end.

Rose is Hermione's daughter and I needed to add in the house elf to show how different the Malfoys are from the Weasleys and also to show that Astoria doesn't treat her elf badly.

Ah, so many typos! Sorry about that. I think I went back and fixed a few of those but I may have missed some so I'll go back and edit that.

It means a lot that you don't think this story is not cliche at all. Originality is hard to think up these days so really thank you! And thank you for the fantastic review swap!


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Review #7, by TreacleTart morning.

27th July 2015:
Hello there!

Here for our review swap!

I've been reading a lot of Scorpius/Rose lately. It seems to be a very popular pairing at the moment, so I'm really interested to see What makes your version stand out.

The first thing that stands out to me is how uncomfortable Rose is with love. The opening to this chapter really gives us the impression that she's struggling hard to accept her feelings, but at that point we still don't really have any clue what's going on. The scene has definitely been set though.

The dynamic between Rose and Albus is great. They seem very close and Albus really is the ideal of what a good cousin should be. He's very perceptive to Rose's feelings and he's supportive even when she's being a bit childish. I really like that he's pushing her to go after her long lost love. He's absolutely right. She will regret it if she doesn't try.

And Rose's voice is really good in this too. She's snarky and sarcastic, a bit bitter, and a bit scared. It combines into this wonderful, quirky person. I love the way you've described her apartment and how she hates to be woken up in the morning. I know her coffee preferences and that she sleeps in baggy shorts and a shirt. You've included so much information that she really feels like a complete, whole character instead of just the shadow of a character. Great job with that!

Based on your Author's note at the beginning, I'm intensely curious to see where you take this. I think you've started on a strong note and I really hope that you carry it through. I'm really looking forward to chapter 2!

And something very minor...I did notice two little typos:

I can tell my Al’s furrowed brows - by Al’s furrowed

he’s not please by my tone – pleased by my

Almost forgot. My favorite line: (okay, maybe just a little, but it was about treacle tarts) I think for obvious reasons. :D

Thanks for a great swap!


Author's Response: Hi, Kaitlin!

Scorose is one of my favorite pairings so I had to write this when I got the idea. I think it's one of the most popular ships when it comes to Next Gen so maybe that's why you've been reading it a lot lately.

Rose is uncomfortable with feelings that deep. She doesn't deal well with something she doesn't know much about. That's really what the first part is about.

Rose and Albus balance each other out as friends. It's weird because it feels like Rose should be the more mature one since she's Hermione's daughter but I feel like Albus is more of an adult than her.

Rose is sarcastic, something I can't seem to avoid when writing characters. I'm glad you liked the description of her apartment! And it's great to hear that you think she already feels like a whole character. The chapter was really focused on her since it's the beginning.

Thank you so much for pointing out those typos! I have a habit of typing my instead of by and vice versa.

I've actually never tried a treacle tart. *guilty*

Thank you for the review swap and your terrific review! I had a great time responding to it as well as reading your story!


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Review #8, by Veritaserum27 morning.

21st July 2015:
Hi there!

I'm here from the common room for the BvB review battle.

I love me a good Rose/Scorpius story and this one did not disappoint. I think you've got a little bit of everything here: damaged characters, romance, intrigue, a mystery and of course Rose (my favorite character of all). This first chapter does a great job of setting the scene for the rest of the story. You led off with a little philosophy on love and then brought us into the meat of the story. My only bit of cc is that I couldn't quite tell when in time the first section took place. Was it after everything is over and Rose is now looking back at how the story unfolded? Or was it before it all began and then it fast forwards to present day? If you intended for it to be ambiguous and I didn't pick up on that, I'm really sorry :D

I like how you've characterized Rose here. She's a bit headstrong, but not entirely confident when it comes to certain things. She has people who she allows to get close to her (Albus), but not everyone gets that privilege. Albus is also awesome in this. I really, really like this version of him. He's often portrayed as a bit of a hot head or over dramatic, but I like this calm, confident, strong Albus.

My favorite part of this chapter is that I want to know more! How did Rose fall in love with Scorpius and not realize it? Does he love her to? Where is he? Why is he gone? Was it for work - or did he just take off?

Haha - you don't have to answer any of those questions - I'm just excited for this story!

♥ Beth

Author's Response: Hi Beth!

ScoRose is one of my favorite ships and when I got an idea that involved them I thought I should write it. It means a lot that you don't think this fic disappoints. The beginning happens a little before present day. Maybe I should specify that. I'll edit that in next time I'm going through this chapter. Thanks for pointing that out and sorry for the confusion!

I feel like Rose can be written in so many ways. The Rose I wrote in another story wasn't a great one (I actually dislike her) which sort of worked with the plot, but I wanted to write Rose as the person I always imagined her as in this story. I'm really glad you liked her. And Al... one of my favorite Next Gen characters! I've never pictured him as a hot head since in my head he ends up in Slytherin house. That's why he's calm and not dramatic.

Ah, I love your favorite part! ;) I did leave a lot of questions unanswered at the end of this chapter, didn't I? I tend to do that. Rose is a stubborn character and when it came to Scorpius that also turned to obliviousness. Her feelings kind of crept up on her. Does he love her? Hmmm... no clue. Okay, so maybe I do know but that's a surprise... for the end of the story. :P I will tell you that he's away for work reasons though.

Thank you for the enthusiastic review, Beth! It really brought a smile to my face!


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Review #9, by cherry_pop94 morning.

20th July 2015:
Hi Sama,

I'm here for the BvB battle!

First of all, I ADORE Scorpius and Rose. I think they're the perfect, sweetest, most wonderful pairing. I also really like how you've made this quite a few years after they've graduated. I think I sort of prefer this era for Next-Gen stories as I find, as I'm older, it's more fun for me to read about characters my own age.

Now onto the plot! It seems terribly exciting so far. I love everything you mentioned in your author's note at the beginning. It seems like this will be quite an adventure for Rose! I feel like this will be a lot of fun, but also quite sad. That beginning section was really well done. It really spoke to me, you know?

I feel like I'm quite similar to your Rose in that love is a difficult thing for the both of us. Also, I hate mornings too. I really like her character so far, and Albus as well, so I can't wait to see what more you do with them!

Thanks for sharing this story!


Author's Response: Hi Stefanie!

I can definitely agree with your thoughts on ScoRose! At this point I like to believe that they're canon, though JK Rowling has never announced it. They're just an interesting pair and when I got an idea for a story about them, I had to write it. And I've never written Next Gen where they have already graduated Hogwarts so I thought I would try it out and I've liked it so far. I'm glad you can relate to it age wise.

I thought it would be good to give readers a heads up where this story is going so there won't be too many surprise down the road. It will be fun I think, but what's a story without a little sadness, right? The beginning section is actually the one I was the most unsure about when I first wrote so it's great to hear that it spoke to you. I was really hoping it depicted feelings others have went through and/or can recognize.

I tried to make Rose different from most of my other characters and not too much like me but I couldn't resist giving her my hate for mornings. And I'm in the same boat of finding love difficult.

Thank you for taking the time to leave this wonderful review! I had a great time reading it! :)


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Review #10, by AngelEyez3954 morning.

20th July 2015:
Hello! I'm here from the BvB Review Battle :)

This is a really great first chapter. I LOVE how you start things off with talk about L-O-V-E. Right from the beginning, you drew me in, and I wanted to know more about the narrator, and about their experience with love. I also had to smile, as the descriptions truly match some of my experiences with the dreaded "l" word!

Your descriptions when writing about Rose and Albus are beautiful, and flow very nicely. However, I did feel like the dialogue was lacking just a bit, and I'm left rather confused about what/why Albus wrote to Uncle Harry. I find myself wanting to know why Harry would be involved, and wanting to know more about what actually happened between Rose and Scorpius.

On the flip side, this desire to know more means that you "hooked" me as a reader...and that's definitely a good thing for a writer to do. I am definitely interested in reading further, so great job with that!

Overall, awesome start!

Author's Response: Hi LJ!

I adore how sweet you are and I'm sure Rose would appreciate you not saying the "l" word and instead spelling it out. ;)

I usually find dialogue easier to write than description but I do understand what you mean in by the dialogue lacking. I haven't been too happy with it in this story and hopefully I'll fix it soon.

Why Albus wrote to Harry will slowly come out in future chapters. And so will what happened between Rose and Scorpius... that'll be coming out in flashbacks.

Thank you for the sweet review! And I'm glad you find the story interesting... that's always a great thing to hear!


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Review #11, by Beeezie morning.

16th July 2015:
Hey, Sama! Here for BvB!

Ahh, Scorose. I love Scorose.

This is the second thing I've read of yours for BvB this month, and I'm really enjoying your writing style. It's got this wonderful layer of snark and sarcasm that I absolutely adore.

Your description of love at the beginning of this chapter was brilliant. I feel like both forms of love that you describe are painful in their own way and in ways that many people don't acknowledge. I could really feel Rose's pain toward the beginning of this chapter, which was heartbreaking, and her love was described in such a believable and realistic way. I loved both the poetic way you described the little things (e.g., his hair, him smiling infrequently), and I could empathize completely with her heartbreak, because I've totally been there.

And switching to the present - I loved the description of her flat. I could totally see it in my mind, and in describing it, you really provided excellent insight into who Rose is as a person and where she is emotionally. You also made me - as an exceptionally messy person! like her a lot.

And Albus - oh, I loved the way you introduced Albus. Between the fact that he just shows up at her door and her thoughts about him, I got a very good idea of who he is, too - and what their relationship is, even before I got to the part where Rose explicitly identifies him as her favorite cousin. All of that gives his broaching the subject of Scorpius really important context, and I thought that you handled it beautifully.

That said, there were a couple things that seemed off to me. I wasn't totally sure about the introduction of a phone - while I think that it is possible to integrate something along those lines into a next-gen story, the way you present it makes it sound exactly the same as a Muggle phone, which doesn't make sense to me. And, while I love the description of her flat in general, the fact that you identified it as having several couches also seems strange, unless she has a lot of roommates and an exceptionally big flat (which doesn't seem to be the case).

I also felt like your dialogue, while generally wonderful, was occasionally a bit awkward. Using "states" and "asserts calmly" and "voices" (for example) as dialogue tags made the dialogue they surrounded a little awkward. Use other tags when they make sense, of course, but I feel like you're bending over backward to avoid using "say" too much, and it really isn't necessary.

That aside, though, I loved this, and I'm really curious about how the story will unfold!

Author's Response: Hey, Branwen!

Scorose... how can you ever get enough of that ship haha.

Everything I write a lot of the time turns a little snarky... I have no clue why. I think it's my personality. But I'm glad you like it! And sarcasm is always fun to put in since it is a part of British humor. I'm not British but I love sarcasm so it tends to be in my writing from time to time.

The beginning was the part I was unsure about the most. At one point I thought I was going to delete and rewrite it the whole thing. I couldn't do it since I wrote it over a year ago and it shows my younger self writing and Rose was supposed to be a little younger there than in present day. I'm happy that you liked and could relate to it. That was the goal really. :)

I think a lot of us are sort of messy. I'm in the middle of messy and neat but I could never imagine myself that organized and neat so I wrote messy Rose. Description is one of my enemies when it comes to writing. I'm not very good at it but it's great to hear that you think so!

Albus is always a favorite. I like bringing him into stories. Even though it isn't exactly canon, I strongly believe that him and Rose had a really strong friendship all their life. Also I could see him as the only one Rose would let enter into her apartment early in the morning without hexing him. That's why his introduction was him knocking at her door.

The phone does seem really Muggle, doesn't it? In my head, when the phone comes into the wizarding world it's a Muggleborn who integrates it in and keeps a lot of the Muggle features, you know? Like it acts and looks a lot like a Muggle phone (which helps wizards and witches blend in with the Muggle world easily) but doesn't need WiFi to work, can stand magic, and has a lot of bonus magical features like it can turn into a book when you tell it to hide or has an app that detects magical objects. Now that I think about it several couches are a bit strange. I'm going to probably change it to two couches since I can see her having a few for when her cousins decide to barge in. She doesn't have any roommates and her flat is medium sized if you were wondering.

I feel like that's something that everyone says. Avoid saying'say' all the time. I'll probably go back and fix those up to make it less awkward. Thanks so much for pointing it out!!

Thank you for taking the time to review this story, Branwen! I had a fantastic time reading it!


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Review #12, by toomanycurls manor.

16th July 2015:
Hi Sama!

I'm back for chapter two!

I really enjoy how this goes from present to past - and that the past scenes aren't just to spoonfeed info about the present. It gives the story an abstract feel.

So, despite her claims otherwise, I do sense that Rose has some feelings for Scorpius - that much came out clear in the past scenes. Between finding him attractive and feeling leery of him moving abroad, there's something there.

I thought Harry denying them information fit really well with his personality - I don't think he'd cross any sort of line like that at work (even if it was annoying for his kids). I do feel as if Rose's life is a bit empty but she seems to at least enjoy her lonely life.

With Albus being such good friends with Scorpius, I'm kind of surprised he didn't go off and try to find his friend without Rose. Besides his claim that she loves him, I'm not sure why he needs her to lead the search.

Rose's visit to Malfoy Manor was my favorite part! It really seemed like the manor was under slight neglect (with the squeaky gate and... something about it). That could defently reflect how Astoria and Draco feel about Scorpius being gone. I really thought Astoria would completely deny Rose any sort of information but I'm so excited that she got an address!

Great chapter

Author's Response: Hi Rose! It's great to hear from your again!

I was really unsure if the present to past thing would work, especially since it switched more than twice in this chapter. I'm glad you thought it worked. It gives me some relief.

Ah, Rose she was in denial forever. She's kind of accepted it now... well sort of. She has feelings for a Malfoy. It's as simple as that. It's just that she doesn't think it's that simple.

Ah, Harry! I could always see him being loyal to his work so that's why I had him say no. In my mind he's a really kind person that likes to have his professional and personal life split from each other.

Scorpius is away for job reasons so that's why Albus didn't interfere. Since Rose has something she's had bugging her for years, Albus is pushing her to face Scorpius and get everything cleared for her sake. I hope that cleared everything.

Rose's visit to Malfoy Manor was fun to write. I wish at one point in the story I could make her meet Draco but alas I don't think that'll happen. Astoria was really close to not giving her anything but if she didn't, Astoria knew she would have regretted it. And I think she had some hope that Rose would somehow bring him back quicker.

Thank you for taking the time to review! You understand the story really well and it's great when that happens.


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Review #13, by toomanycurls morning.

16th July 2015:
Hi Sama!

I really like the thoughts in the beginning about love not always being obvious to the people who experience it (and I laughed about her daydreaming about treacle tart).

I definitely feel as if a lot happnened between the intro and present day. Like, did Scorpius run away, was he kidnapped? Is he just a recluse?

Albus and Rose's friendship is one of my favorite aspects in next-gen stories. I'm so glad to see that in your fic as well. I get the feeling that Albus is as much there for Scorpius as he is for Rose. It's almost as if both Rose and Scorpius are recluses with Rose at least staying connected to her family. It's sad that Albus refers to scorpius as his best friend in the past tense. Albus' insistence that Rose loves Scorpius is so interesting - besides the dreaming about him, is there more he's going on?

Very good first chapter! This looks like an interesting story indeed!

Author's Response: Hi, Rose!

I'm glad your liked the beginning. Rose is stubborn... I think that's why she didn't realize that she fancied someone. And sweets are distracting... I can't blame her for dreaming about a dessert.

A lot has happened. Scorpius hasn't ran away and nor has he been kidnapped. More about what happened to him is coming in future chapters. It actually has to do with his job.

I feel like an Albus and Rose friendship is a must in next gen. Rose and Scorpius are both his best friends. But he hasn't seen Scorpius in almost a year... they have a lot of catching up to do when they see each other again. Albus can read people pretty well, especially Rose. There are a few more things that hinted to him that Rose loves Scorpius such as how she acted around him after they graduated.

Thank you for the kind review! It's always great to hear from from readers who understand the story line pretty well.


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Review #14, by DumbledoresArmyRocks morning.

5th January 2014:
First off I'd like to sincerely apologize on the lateness of your prize reviews! Time just caught up with me and I know it's been a few months since you won the challenge.
Now on to the review:
I, personally love this story so far. I'm obsessed with descriptive stories and this chapter definitely doesn't lack that description. I think this is a great story, and I definitely will come back to read on later. I probably said this in the other reviews but thanks for entering my challenge. It really meant a lot to me... Thanks again!
~ Nelly/ DumbledoresArmyRocks

Author's Response: No need to apologize for that. Life does get hectic at times. It is the thought that counts, right?

I know it is only one chapter in so it makes me jump for joy when a reader says that they love the story (even though it is only one chapter).

Again, no need to thank me for entering the challenge. It was my pleasure and it was a lot of fun.

Thank you for this!
~Sama :D

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Review #15, by lia_2390 morning.

31st October 2013:
Hello! It's Lia from TGS here with your review for our swap :)

Your opening line made me smile. Human beings cannot even begin to understand what that really means. It's a question I asked myself a lot as a teenager, and over the years I became rather cynical about it (however, that's another story for another day). You also addressed a lot of the things people say they feel, but in retrospect, may not make any sense. There's an article about it knocking around somewhere on the internet too.

Admittedly, I used to be one of those cowards who couldn't say it either. It made my tongue feel heavy. I'd have to mean it. So, I like that you had her spell it out as opposed to saying it. Obviously there's something there that still stings, and by the end of the story, it could be resolved.

I found that some parts of your opening chapter were a bit repetitive. If you do mention or describe something in detail, then there's no need to state it explicitly. I tend to do this a lot too. One example of what I mean is from this line:

It makes you feel nervous and doubt yourself. And at the same time it makes you feel whole and right. Basically it is a jumble of confusion.

At some points it does tend to be a bit jumpy. For example, with Rose and Albus in the kitchen, first they are exchanging pleasantries, then one is yelling and the other has tears welling up in her eyes. I suggest that at the mention of Scorpius's name, you allude to something that has happened between them, or to him. Something that makes the mere mention of contact with him brings tears to her eyes, without giving too much away. You can even show this with Al's body language as she meets him at the door. Some guilt, perhaps? Compare it to how he usually is, this can then create a sense of foreboding with Rose as well as the reader. Try to show what's going on there more than only telling us.

At the end of it, I'm not getting much of who Rose is. I get bits and pieces of feelings. I realise there is some past angst about Scorpius as you've mentioned it. I know more about Al than I do about her.

I hope this didn't come off as overly critical...actually, I really hope it is helpful. I do believe this story has a lot of potential and as your summary suggests, a lot of tears and laughter along the way.



Author's Response: The opening chapter...I actually wrote the first little bit way before I wrote the rest so I knew parts of it didn't seem to come together but I didn't know which parts.

Your review didn't come out too critical at all. It was very helpful. Sometimes when you write something and you keep reading and staring at the words you can't really tell what can be improved or how. This is why I love getting feedback from someone else's eyes. It helps. Thank you for pointing out some of those major things. I will have to look over and edit this chapter and will definitely look back to this review as a guide.

Again thanks. :)

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Review #16, by InkAndParchment morning.

2nd October 2013:
Well... wow. I cannot wait to read more! Please, please update soon! This is beautifully written and completely intriguing. I haven't seen anything like this yet and I'm really looking forward to where this is going. I wish her all the best of luck...

Author's Response: This review has made me smile so thank you so much. And I was trying to go for more of an original story, you know? Hopefully it came out that way.

Beautifully written? Nah, not me. But thanks for saying that.

And I'll try to update ASAP. Before the end of October, maybe. :)


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Review #17, by Chivalrous morning.

1st October 2013:
Oh wow! I love this! I also love how you've portrayed Rose! This novella is bursting with potential! Post soon pleaseee! :)

-Sincerely, Ireland :)

Author's Response: First off, thanks for the first review. :)
And second off, I'm so happy that you think this novella has potential. I was very iffy on posting it. And I'll try to get the second chapter up ASAP.


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