3 Reviews Found

Review #1, by loonyforever Dumbledore has a new assistant, whether he likes it or not.

18th November 2013:
Ok, I was reading the first chapter like a couple of weeks ago and forgot all about this story, then I found it again and I thought, "Oh, this is the story about the crazy girl named Blaze and her friends," so I read the second chapter and I was not disappointed.

This is really good, I especially like the name 'Gryffingirls'. Every time I see that word I just sing GRYFFINGIRLS! in my head. It does seem sort of cliche, but that's probably true for every fanfic out there.

I don't get one thing, however- How exactly is she working for Dumbledore? Did he hire her or something? Sorry, but I just like to know all the details. I kind of have OCD about it.

Keep writing!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I love reviews. (^-^) She is Dumbledore's assistant as punishment for her prank because the Minister of Magic thinks it will be a good influence, but it's really so Dumbledore can keep an eye on her

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Review #2, by Rumpelstiltskin Dumbledore has a new assistant, whether he likes it or not.

10th November 2013:
Hey there!

Your story begins with a darker tone and then ends with a light, humorous one, acting as a substantial comic relief. So, that's a good dynamic.

Dumbledore teeters on that edge of cannon and non-cannon, but I think that is what you may have been going for. Now I don't know why he needs an assistant, but I quite like this factor. It has proven humorous (because "superhero bat hearing," "sad clown hookers," and Blaze's overall synopsis on the boys' prank just tickled me!)

I have one question. Why are only James and Sirius in trouble? Are they the primary instigator out of the four marauders? Or maybe they were the only ones with enough evidence against them to be punished? I'm just curious because sometimes Rumpel misses things. :)

Just one CC for you (and no hitting, remember). It's just a small one about the punctuation in dialogue.

For example: "It's like it's your job." James added should read "It's like it's your job," James added. The comma replaces the punctuation in instances like this.

However if you are writing a question or exclamatory remark ("speechspeechspeech?" character asked or "speechspeech!" character shouted) its is okay to add the punctuation.

Furthermore if the dialogue stands alone without a tag, then the punctuation should be added even if it is a period. You are doing this correctly...like in "Thanks. Have a good night professor." Perfect.

I'm unsure why the period is exchanged for a comma but I suppose it is indicative to the speech-tag part of dialogue or improves flow or something. I don't know :p.

Anyway, I'm enjoying this. I'll be waiting for an update!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Thank you for your responce. This is my first fanfiction, so I really appreciate the tip. The reason James and Sirius are the only one's in trouble is because they are the leaders in the group, and tend to make their own pranks as well. Remus and Peter probably helped, but James and Sirus like to be noble, and most times blame the prank on themselves. The other two will help, but James and Sirius normally pin it on themselves. Does that clear it up a bit?

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Review #3, by Rumpelstiltskin Train Ride

7th November 2013:
I happened to see your username and thought it was cute. So I decided to click on it :p! Since you had begun a marauders-era fic, I naturally had to read it.

So, I thought this was very good. I enjoyed the way you introduced your characters. You also did a lovely job with the descriptions. I find this particularly important because this is an area that I have the tendency to struggle in. Grr...descriptors!

...anyway...

What I found notably striking about this was the narration. Because this is told from a first-person perspective, you were able to fuse Blaze's speech patters into the actual narration. I quite enjoyed this dynamic.

I also might (do) have a thing (obsession) for OCs. I really like Blaze's characterization so far. She's feisty!

I have only one CC...but do not hit Rumpel, it's merely a piece of advice and who knows what my advice is really worth anyways.

Ready?

No hitting?

Very good.

I just thought the flow was interrupted a bit during the couple of times that different peoples' dialogues were in the same paragraph. Although the quotes are properly tagged so that we know who is speaking, I'd suggest giving each persons dialogue their own little paragraphs :).

Remember, we decided on not hitting Rumpel. I've come in peace!

I really liked this. I've got to make my rounds and give reviews to the people I owe, but I will be back to read the second chapter soon!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! I'll remember your tip for next time! And I'm really glad you liked it. P.S. I like your username too. :)

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