Reading Reviews for Ladybug, Ladybug
43 Reviews Found

Review #1, by jerryt20 The Shift

30th January 2014:
Just finished this chapter and so far I'm loving the story. Your OC's are great and very well developed. I have read a few other pieces by you and knew that I wouldn't be disappointed.

I have a few ideas about where the story might be headed but I don't want to jump to any conclusions just yet. The mystery and suspense is gripping.

Can't wait for the next update!

- Jerry

 Report Review

Review #2, by Violet Gryfindor The Body

27th December 2013:
Oh that ending! It's a perfect way to end the first chapter, launching readers into the mystery after just the right amount of introductory material. I can imagine the title sequence starting after that last line, just as it does for all the detective dramas. For me, because I love mysteries like this one, this kind of ending is exciting and dare I say fun?

I've been eyeing this one and "Bad Blood" for a while, and I'm looking forward to getting through them both. It's wonderful to see you writing mysteries! It will be interesting to see how you develop this one.

There are already many intriguing elements to the story above and beyond the presence of a dead body. Your depiction of the next generation is striking with the way that their parents' fame has become a social stigma. This is entirely different from anything I've seen before, but it fits so well, almost better than making the Potter-Weasleys the popular kids. Their parents have so much power - it's not just that Harry could hex anyone who picked on his children, but his influence at the Ministry could potentially put people's jobs on the line. He'd never do anything like that, of course, but rumour and reputation are powerful forces, as JKR herself demonstrates in almost all of the books. I love how you've extended that theme here.

I really like your characterization of James. His narrative voice just sounds right - he's a comfortable narrator, observant and thoughtful. At the same time, it's brilliant to see how his weak eyesight affects his ability to see what's going on around him, and thus also affects his ability to narrate the story. He's limited by his sight, and I wonder whether that will cause him more problems later on. (For instance, I keep asking myself if James missed anything during that period he wasn't wearing his glasses - the answer will depend on who the body turns out to be.) His relationship with his siblings was lovely - very natural, with the usual sort of tensions and teasing involved. It'll be great to see how you write the three Potters!

This review could continue to be a list of "I likes" because, really, I like a lot about this first chapter. Your writing is, as always, incredible. You've found creative and refreshing ways of writing the next generation, and I look forward to seeing how you continue to develop the mystery plot. :D

 Report Review

Review #3, by Sunflower The Body

18th December 2013:
Hi there! Here with the TGS review-exchange ;)

This was really good - I adored your take on the Next Gen! James was absolutely perfect. This whole piece was like a breath of fresh air. The dynamic between the family was great and I think you really did the introduction of the Weasleys in a great way - it was very subtle yet well done. Your characterization is really great.
The dialogue was to die for! "... and that sparked a very typical Mum-and-Lily argument that had Al, Dad, and me scurrying for the back garden to listen to the Puddlemere United game."
There were so many different parts that fitted so well into the story - there was such a good flow to it.

And the end! Oh my, that was amazing. Such a cliffhanger. I think you've written an amazing starting chapter - well done!! :)

 Report Review

Review #4, by Nicole The Body

12th December 2013:
The girl on the seat across from us, whos been very patiently ignoring us until now, slams the magazine shes been reading down on her legs. “You guys,” she says firmly. “You have got to cut it out. Youre giving me a massive headache.”

Forgive me for the comparison, and Im totally sure that all of the Potter-Weasley kids would look at me like crazy if they read this review, but this sounds SO much like what Hermione would say if she, Ron, and Harry were just normal kids in nextgen, and she was doing her homework, and Harry and Ron were fighting over Chocolate Frog cards. Excuse me while I drown in plot bunnies and scenes-that-will-never-happen because of a crazy ... dude called Tom Riddle. :P Ahem. Excuse my rambling. I sound like an old lady.

Theres a noise at the door into our compartment, and were both distracted as Lily appears in the entryway. I notice shes put a pink streak in her hair since saying goodbye to Mum and Dad on the platform, but I dont feel like telling her that it looks really bad against the red.

I love this introduction of Lily Potter! She sounds like a rebel child. Like, "I dont care WHAT Auntie Fleur says, Im going to wear this streak of pink in my hair, and Im gonna love it!" And its not a simpleminded introduction, either. Its not like, "Oh, heres Lily, shes a redheaded porcelain doll, shes Ginny 2.0, here you go." Its very creative and original.

“Old as sin,” my dad remarked when he heard Flitwick got the headmaster job. “The school boards gone absolutely mad, giving him that job. He was old when we were at school.”

My parents both thought Professor Longbottom should have gotten the job in the first place, but then Lily told them they were biased, seeing as how he was a personal friend of theirs, and that sparked a very typical Mum-and-Lily argument that had Al, Dad, and me scurrying for the back garden to listen to the Puddlemere United game.

HAHA, I love Im-A-Father-But-Im-Just-As-Cool-As-My-Kids!Harry, aw. You know, I bet Flitwick was old when the MARAUDERS were at school - I wouldnt be surprised!

I love how you paint a very normal family picture with a dash of Rebellious!Lily and James is just, like, there. Its exactly how I pictured the Potters to live in the future: Harry, Ginny, James, Albus, and Lily.

At last, we can hear speech through the noise. The girl hiccups loudly and screeches, “There’s a man on the carriage path! And he’s dead!”

BUM BA BUM! :O *creepy music and violins play* Nice cliffhanger!

On to the next chapter! Forgive my fangirling over the Potter-Weasley Clan. xD

 Report Review

Review #5, by patronus_charm The Shift

16th November 2013:
I blame NaNo (it’s such a great excuse as it’s a genuine one :P) for my lateness here :P

Bahaha Scorpius is just making me crack up! It’s just like old times with mini Draco, mini Harry (James) and then the whole are they friends or more thing going on with Erin and Albus just like Ron and Hermione. It just made me laugh so much. I’m not even minding too much that Scorpius is evil (massive Scorpius lover right here) as he’s just so cute being his dad’s mini me (yeah, massive Draco lover right here too…) so I hope he appears more often.

Ooh a dance? I have a feeling another murder will occur here, I mean, with it being for a ghost and on Halloween it just seems too obvious. Or perhaps this is a ploy on your behalf to trick me into thinking there will be one. Hmmm, I’m not sure now. I really liked the developments on the Erin/Albus front though as they are quite cute together, and I can’t wait to get to know more about the pair of them throughout the story.

I like the fact that James likes Potions, it just makes a bit of change because I usually have to put up with the whole I hate potions stuff in FF when I think it sounds like an awesome subject so it was great to find that here. The teacher seemed interesting too, I wonder what she’s really like because James seems to hold a certain amount of respect for her which is saying something for a boy that age as my brother didn’t hold respect for many teachers at that age, so I can’t wait to find out more.

I also liked seeing more people in James’ year because we’ve had quite a narrow set of acquaintances so far. I wonder whether James’ popularity will change or not with the murders and having inside information. I hope so because he is a lovely person who deserves more friends I just hope they’re not friends who only hang out with him for information.

Great chapter!


 Report Review

Review #6, by nott theodore The Shift

15th November 2013:
Rachel! ♥ Sorry that I've taken a shamefully long time to get to this chapter!

I'm seriously questioning how I've never read another story of yours before, because each time I read an update of this one I have to take a few moments to remember this is FF and not actually a published story. I'm sure I'll be reading your stories in print someday, and until then I'll have to do some attacking of your AP when I get the chance!

So anyway, onto this actual chapter... You're going to get tired of me saying this, I'm sure, but reading this next gen is actually so refreshing that I smile each time I think of it. Scorpius here - ugh, I wanted to punch him in the face. He's so annoying and smarmy, and just reminded me of his father and not at all of the nice-guy-Scorpius that I see so frequently. I don't have anything wrong with nice-guy-Scorpius, but it's really nice to see a well written jerk-Scorpius, just for a change. Your portrayal of him is realistic and not idealised, which I love.

James's reaction to Scorpius was great as well; I could sense him getting annoyed with him for taunting Albus, but at the same time he didn't want to step in and embarrass Albus for not being able to fight his own battles. It's that classic sibling relationship - it's okay for James to tease Albus if he wants to, but as soon as anyone else tries he suddenly feels very protective.

I'm wondering if my guess about a love triangle is actually right or not, because James seemed surprisingly at ease with the idea of Albus asking Erin out, and even encouraged him to do it... unless it's Erin who likes James, and his feelings will come later? (Okay, ignore me, I need to stop trying to find romance in this story where there probably is none)

Ooh, this ball sounds so interesting! And a masquerade, as well! It sounds like there's lots of potential there for skulduggery and misdeeds (I don't know why I just turned Victorian, but it's the early hours of the morning and I'm really tired, so that should explain why this review might not make sense). I wonder if Albus will go with Erin? And if James will find anyone to go with - or if he'll even go? I'm looking forward to reading about it, though!

Ah, nerdy James! I seriously love this version of James, and he's so easy to read. This awkwardness and angst and introspection is new for any next-gen portrayal of him I've seen, except when people try to make him all brooding and mysterious in romances. Anyway, the idea that he's a bit of a Potions nut makes me smile so much! And these Emotion-Stifling Elixirs sound extremely intriguing - I have a feeling that they could pop up at some point later on, but I think you're so good at writing mystery that I'm probably just getting paranoid...

I seriously feel so bad for James and Albus and Lily, though. They get such a raw deal of it purely because of their name - even Harry managed to have more friends! And the fact that James realises he's passed his problems onto his siblings must make him feel even more guilty.

Caspar is another great character - not nice at all, but very easily imaginable as someone I could meet in real life. He's happy to use James to try and get the information that he wants, but if he doesn't get that he'll revert to his usual self. I'm glad that James wasn't easily manipulated by him, but at the same time I wish he had some friends that weren't Albus and Erin!

I really liked the way that the mystery of the murder was still present in this story - its bound to be one of the biggest topics of conversation in the school at the moment. After all, that sort of thing doesn't happen every day at Hogwarts, and I'm still really intrigued to find out what actually happened! But I thought the way you intermingled it with the more 'mundane', typical school gossip and worries - flirtation and rivalries and the ball - really helped to make the chapter feel authentic and real. And on top of all that, I feel almost like there's something else that we still have to learn about James, something that's troubling him... I could be reading far too much into things again though!

This was another lovely chapter, Rachel, and I'm happy to read your updates whenever they manage them (I'd probably fall behind if you had a regular schedule, to be honest)!

Sian :)

 Report Review

Review #7, by True Author The Body

13th November 2013:
Rachel! :D

I really liked the title of this story. It's pretty catchy and sounds thrilling. =] I hope it has a good connection with the plot!

Your characterization of James is a bit different than the other next-gen fics I have read. He is usually careless and arrogant, but I find the responsible James of this story believable. He's more like his father here I think!

Ooh, I smell some romance coming to us! Albus/Erin or James/Erin that is the question. ;) But I'm finding James/Erin believable right now, as Albus and Erin are much alike...

Anyways, this was a good start. Will be back for more!

 Report Review

Review #8, by Courtney Dark The Shift

9th November 2013:
Oooh, this chapter was so good!

I'm glad that we got to see Scorpius for the first time! And I'm so happy that you've pretty much made him a nasty, spoiled brat who is pretty much the clone of his father, rather than this really nice, funny guy that he so often seems to be! Maybe he'll get nicer in future chapters, I don't know, but I love that you've started him off as this villainous sort of person.

The ball of spirits and shadows - wow, that sounds kind of eerie. I have a bad feeling that something terrible is going to happen at this ball. I wonder if James will attend? I wonder if anyone will go with him? And I wonder if Albus will ever actually ask Erin out?

Aw, I actually felt really bad for James in the Potions class. I'll be your friend James! Just magic me right into this story (as long as my bed does't catch fire mysteriously) and I'll sit next to you in every class! I've had that moment of panic before when you walk into your first class of the year and discover that none of your friends are in that class, so I can imagine what James feels, even if it is somewhat numbed after all these years.

Oh my god, that end bit was creepy! Is there something in the castle? Some sort of ghost or spirit? Or something else? The way you wrote that last paragraph actually gave me shivers up my spine!

I look forward to the next update!


 Report Review

Review #9, by Courtney Dark The Inspection

8th November 2013:

I'm seriously jealous. Everything you write just feels so professional, it's actually unbelievable.

Anyway, this chapter was awesome (of course). And I'm not sure if I'm meant to or not, but I've been kinda shipped Erin and James since the first chapter! And this chapter just intensified it - I'm not sure if anything will happen between them but if it doesn't, Albus is sure to be a little jealous!

Ooh, so we find out the identity of the dead dude! Saying 'the dead dude' sounds so insensitive, but because this is a story I'm gonna go with it. I am very curious about him. Is there more to him than meets the eye? And why exactly was he in Hogwarts? Did he have like, a second secret life or something?

I have no idea, but I am looking forward to finding out!

Oh, and I liked seeing Teddy and Harry in this chapter - Teddy's job is just a tad morbid, but I found it amusing how excited he was!


 Report Review

Review #10, by Courtney Dark The Fire

8th November 2013:
Oh my god, this was an awesome second chapter, and I really don't know what else I can say about it apart from that I was reading like a woman possessed and that I was completely wrapped up in this chapter as I read, and didn't even know what was going on around me - and this is quite rare for me when I read fanfiction.

The mystery in this story so far is just amazing, and I am so looking forward to slowly unraveling it. I especially liked the bit with the marauders map and the nameless dot - I'm pretty sure I had shivers up my spine at that point.

And then the fact that Erin's curtains burst into flame for no reason - what on earth is all that about? Does this mystery have something to do with her? Or perhaps Albus and James? I don't know - I guess I'll have to wait and see!

I continue to like how the characters are developing. I especially like how you expanded on Erin and Lily's characters this chapter, and James' comment about Erin meeting with Hermione - they seem similar, yet completely different at the same time!

I am definitely adding this to my favourites!


 Report Review

Review #11, by Courtney Dark The Body

8th November 2013:
I have been meaning to read this for such a long time, but unfortunately life just caught up with me and I've been busy non-stop. Well, that's not strictly true, unless you count trying desperately to catch up to the latest episode of Supernatural 'busy'.

Anyway, I really, really enjoyed this first chapter, just as I knew I would - I mean, the Beth Bridger Trilogy was just fantastic. Saying that I really, really enjoyed this chapter doesn't quite seem to do it justice somehow though. You showed just the right amount of the character's personalities in this chapter to make me eager to find out more and there was, again, just the right amount of mystery and intrigue.

I really love the personality you've given James. He definitely does not seem your typical, run-of-the-mill I'm so popular/I play Quidditch/I party a lot/I have lots of friends/girlfriends James, which is great! Cliches are sometimes fun, but change is good!

I seriously can't wait to see where you go with this. I think I'll just go ahead and read the next chapter right away. I mean, that's a better use of my time that studying for exams, right?


 Report Review

Review #12, by Gosia The Shift

6th November 2013:
Ay... Good to be back!
I think I had too long break in reviewing though, as I can't find any wise words ;)

Very good chapter :) I have the impression that it's kind of an exhalation after what happened in three previous ones. And I am really curious about Al asking Erin out :D

Oh my, I'm starting to identify with James... Should I worry?

Well.. of course it would be lovely if you updated once a week but I must admit that having it this way it will be easier for me to keep up with reading. So every cloud has a silver lining :)

Thanks for another great chapter < 3
Hope to be back soon! :)

 Report Review

Review #13, by Rainpixie The Shift

5th November 2013:
Sigh. I usually only read completed fics because I'm greedy and impatient, but this one caught my attention and now I'm hooked. Only to find out that you aren't updating as often as you had in the past! I'm not really complaining. You write satisfyingly long chapters and beggars can't be choosers! Good luck with your original work, I hope it's going well! Happy writing.

 Report Review

Review #14, by Rainpixie The Inspection

5th November 2013:
Have you heard of an author named Rainbow Rowell? I have recently become obsessed with her (read Fan Girl, it's so good) and your style reminds me a lot of hers. Anyway, I'm interested in why Erin seems so different. James makes a point to mention it several times, so it must be important. Is she under the imperius curse? Does she know the dead guy? I'm leaning towards knows the dead guy, or at least knows something she isn't telling. Hmmm...

 Report Review

Review #15, by Rainpixie The Fire

4th November 2013:
Hmmm! How strange! You'd think the dorms would have some sort of fire proof charm, wouldn't you? Although, maybe they do and it kept the damage from being worse, or the fire was so magical it broke the charm. Obviously it's connected to the murder in some way, but how? Curiouser and Curiouser. Now if you'll excuse me, moving on to chapter 3... :)

 Report Review

Review #16, by academica The Shift

2nd November 2013:
Rachel ♥

First off, you do you. Totally not bothered by a sporadic update schedule. It's easier for me to manage keeping up with the story that way, and your chapters are always worth a bit of a wait!

Okay, three cheers for actually making Scorpius kind of a jerk! Don't get me wrong, the idea of the next gen kids transcending the artificial social and political boundaries established by their parents warms my heart and all, but I get kind of tired of reading story after story where Scorpius is cool with Albus and they're best friends or whatever. I like seeing some of Draco's pettiness bleed over into the next generation, because it suggests that he didn't totally reform his ways after the war -- which, considering his massive ego, seems somewhat realistic to me. It also seems realistic for a little murder and mystery to not be the only thing plaguing a pair of schoolboys. Nice job.


Okay, jokes and eloquently praised exclamations aside, I really like the fact that you dipped into James's psyche a bit more toward the end of this chapter. It's curious to see him feeling so alienated and angsty -- a bit different from the norm, in a very pleasant way. Again, it feels realistic to me for him to be a bit tired of the fame and curiosity that accompanies being a Potter in the post-war era, and it made me sad to see him feel guilt over possibly exposing Albus and Lily to the same fate. I get the sense that something much more than a dance or a bully or even the mystery in the castle is weighing on him, and yet he can't seem to evade those lesser responsibilities either. I hope he can find a way to trust those around him and relax a little, but somehow I think my hopes are going to be dashed.

Anywho, great job as always! I love this story!


 Report Review

Review #17, by lovemesomethinSirius The Inspection

14th October 2013:
Oh my, I'm so super late reviewing this! My apologies, miss!

I think I'll start with my favorite lines, the ones that made me snort or shiver:

"He's so transparent I have to look away in case I start laughing."

"For some reason, this makes me smile, and I have to hide it quickly by stuffing half a kipper into my mouth without regard for how it looks to onlookers." Oh my gawd, I laughed so hard at this mental image!

"...but there is something different about the way she moves..."
I'm thinking either she's super wary due to her bed hangings suddenly catching fire, or somehow she's involved. I hope she's just wary, I really like Erin!

"...enchanted small sparks to outline where it was lying, and they glow dull and red in the morning haze."
*shivers* For some reason, I find this as morbidly fascinating as the rainwater in his mouth part.

Hmm... Thanatos was a minor Greek god of death. And Corrigan makes me think of Morrigan, the Irish "Phantom Queen". Coincidence? I think I'll keep this guy in mind, especially since he just started working with Harry so recently.

Bartleby, what a name! Oh, wasn't that a movie?! I don't remember what it was about..but I seem to remember it coming out all the same.

I love Teddy's profession! So cool and so disturbing that he looks excited in this scene - made me chuckle.

Also, I was inclined to think that the reason Cuffe's dot was unlabeled was because he's dead. But now, with James feeling somewhat worried about it, I'm rather curious and excited to see where you go with it. As of right now, I have no good theories on that one.

Alright, I'm going to stop rambling now before it gets too bad! Can't wait for the next chapter!

Author's Response: I'm SUPER late responding to this, and I apologize very much for that. ♥ It's very shameful, but I'm here now, and I hope you still are too!

I love all of those lines you pointed out. ♥ Reading and responding (late) to all these reviews has really made me remember why I liked writing this story in the first place, and it really makes me want to start again -- I've had a long break, and of course I'd want to start again before NaNoWriMo! But I think this story will continue to come, albeit more gradually than Sneth. I really want this to be a come-what-may sort of story, if that makes any sense at all.

I will clear up that Thanatos's name doesn't mean anything to this story -- but another reviewer caught that too, and I'm super impressed with how observant you guys are! :) I mostly chose that name because it's awesome and a bit funky, and JKR is the queen of funky names. Which is why Bartleby was chosen too! ("Bartleby the Scrivener" is a short story, yes!)

You'll definitely get more information as the story progresses. ;) Thank you so much for reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #18, by academica The Inspection

13th October 2013:
Hey Rachel, I'm back again!

Your description in this chapter was really cool. I liked the ominous scene with the red sparks glinting through the fog and crowd of investigators. I also appreciated the care paid to describing the characters' facial expressions and how they reacted to one another in conversation; those details brought the interactions to life and made the plot in this chapter easy to follow.

Anyway, the identity of the deceased man is finally revealed! I'm very curious about why he was killed and why his name didn't show up alongside his dot on the map, as well as how this mystery is connected to the incident in the common room--unless they aren't connected at all :) I'm definitely excited about chapter four.

Great work!


Author's Response: Hi, Amanda! I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond to this review -- I've been SO bad about that lately. But I always say I respond to every review I receive, and I do mean that, so here I am!

The red sparks outlining the body is one of my favorite parts of this chapter. ♥ For facial expressions, I just SEE those things in my head, you know? I'm really glad it's able to make the story so lifelike in turn; that's something that's major to me in a story, as I'm sure I've mentioned at some point in our acquaintance. :P

More about Bartleby Cuffe and his death will of course be revealed... it just might take a while. ;) Chapter 4's taken me much longer than normal, but I also wanted to take this story at a more relaxed pace, so it's not necessarily a bad thing.

Anyway! Thank you for reviewing! ♥ I'm really, really glad you did!

 Report Review

Review #19, by Rainpixie The Body

11th October 2013:
What I like most (so far) about the story is that you took on the Potter kids at a different angle. It 's easy to make them likable and popular. It's much more interesting to treat them like oddballs. I'm looking forward to following this story!

Author's Response: I don't have a lot of experience writing or reading next gen, and so I think the different angle came naturally because I had nothing to compare it to. I hope they ARE fresh and new! I definitely sought to make them my own in this story. I feel like someone with famous parents would be treated differently, and it would definitely affect me, if my parents were so well-known. James is like me in a lot more ways than I probably want to admit. ;)

Thank you for reviewing! I'm excited to see what you think of other chapters too! ♥

 Report Review

Review #20, by Gosia The Inspection

8th October 2013:
I'm five days late :O
A very busy week, though, so I feel justified ;)

Well, well, well...
Another really good chapter! I already have a nice picture of James and Hogwarts, of course thanks to your fantastic descriptions!
I think it's going to be that "I am no detective, but I must take matters into my own hands" kind of story I really like so... that's a good start! But what else could I expect from you? :)

Can't wait for more!

Author's Response: I'm VERY late to this response, so trust me -- I'm more at fault here. I hope you'll forgive me! :) It's been VERY busy on my end lately, but also very lazy writing-wise, so I really have no excuse.

I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter, though! ♥ Reading over this, and other, reviews has made me want to work on this story again, which I'm really excited about. I'd like to finish chatper 5 before NaNoWriMo starts so I can post 4 and 5 while I'm working on my original novel in November. It makes me so happy, though, to know that you already have a clear picture of James and Hogwarts from my writing.

That's EXACTLY the kind of story it's going to be! I'm wicked excited that you can already pick up on that! I'm so excited to get deeper into the story and the mystery and all that.

Thank you for reviewing! ♥ I hope to see you back here very soon!

 Report Review

Review #21, by MissesWeasley123 The Inspection

8th October 2013:


This is all so mysterious it's killin me. Seriously. I'm sorry it took so long to reach here but I did eventually so.. yeah.

Uhhh I have some major James and Erin feels here. Jamrin..Erames.. Ah, no good ship names *wipes sweat from brow* Oh well.

This Thanatos man seems very strange. Or maybe I'm second guessing everything here.. But isn't Thanatos the god of death?.. O_O

Ah, the whole "using spells you don't know," bit was perfect and a nod to canon also.. Hmm.. I think I am right. You are a great writer :P Seriously, your sense of imagery is flawless.

This Cuffe man has a funny name. That is all.

Ah Teddy :D I really, really enjoyed seeing him there. I lurve me some Teddy Lupin. I liked the career you gave him, very different and interesting. I like it!

A wonderful chapter :)

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter! And I very much hope I haven't left this novel standing long enough to make you lose interest. I'm sorry it took ME so long to reach this review!

There really aren't good ship names for James and Erin, are there? Then again, you might not need them. I WILL NEVER TELL. ♥ Also, I will clear up right now that Thanatos being the god of death, while an astute observation, has no bearing on this story. But seriously, good eye!

I'm glad you caught that nod to canon! And thank you so much for the lovely compliments. I'm grinning like a fool in the middle of this geology lecture.

I know this was a bit of a rubbish response, and I apologize heartily. It seriously does mean so much to me that you've showed such interest in this story for far! Thank you for reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #22, by patronus_charm The Inspection

3rd October 2013:
Yo Racho! (lol that sounds weird but I wanted it to rhyme...Hmm, I will come up with a cooler greeting than hi one day)

You have a really great way of slotting in comedy in the most strangest of ways, and I mean that as a compliment. Look at this line ‘Albus was playing this card very well. His arm had been tucked around Erin’s shoulders like it was stuck there with a Permanent Sticking Charm.’ It just had me cracking up for the really strange image it implanted in my head!

James’s narration really shone in this chapter. He had the right amount of humour and seriousness to balance the content really well. He’s quite an observer which is something I always enjoy in characters because even though they have less interaction with people I often get a better sense of them. I’m curious to see what the rest of his school year think of him though, he’s just a perplexing person it would be nice to have an insight.

For some reason I just assumed that James and Harry wouldn’t get along so I was pleasantly surprised to hear him want to say he wanted to talk to his dad and then him following up with that was even better. I really liked that he was working with Teddy too as it reminded me of the whole godfather link which is often forgotten. Plus he works in the Magical Mortuary which is cool in a morbid way.

The mystery behind Baranbus Cuffe was really interesting and I can’t wait to learn more about his potential downfall. Crazy theory no. 1 – he has staged this all to bring back fame to himself post-death so that his image won’t be tarnished any longer.

A great chapter! ♡


Author's Response: I'm still laughing at your greeting. ♥ And I'm so sorry for how long it's taken me to respond to this review! Time slipped away from me, but I'm going to try to never leave it so long again.

For a story so dark in nature (and it'll only get darker), I think it's important to slip in funny moments where I can find the space. I'm glad you liked that line! :) James is a good mix of humor and serious, I think, like you said, and honestly I think (without being conceited) that that comes largely from me. I'm a VERY serious person, almost too serious, but I also like to think I'm funny. I could be wrong, of course, but there you go! I'm also a huge observer and it's only hitting me now just how like his author James is. :P

I do get the impression, somehow, that James and Harry would get along. I think all the Potter kids would get along generally well with their parents -- I know people like to sensationalize it sometimes, but they're pretty average parents apart from the fame thing. And Teddy and the Magical Mortuary! Honestly one of my favorite elements of this chapter.

Ooh, interesting theory! I like it! :D Thank you for reviewing, Kiana, you lovely soul. Even though it's taken me eons to respond, I really am so grateful for it!

 Report Review

Review #23, by Haronione The Fire

3rd October 2013:
Hi TenthWeasley!

I loved this chapter as much as the last one! As usual, this was written brilliantly and I loved your descriptions here :)

Again, I loved the characterisation. I loved that you had James being a bit squeamish and put off his dinner when made to think about the body. Also, I loved that Albus found this amusing and teased him by asking if he was squeamish. Usually in next-gen stories it is the other way round and I love that you've flipped the characterisation in this :)

I really liked James's line about Erin meeting Hermione! She really does seem Hermione-ish, but without her being just a little clone of her. Great characterisation!

So, you have got me hooked. Before the first mystery is solved you have left us with another one! I am intriqued as to why the name of the dead man did not show up on the map, no wonder it freaked James out! And then the curtains bursting into flames! Gah, Spooky! I am left wondering if the 2 incidents are related, and if so - how, why, who? I am guessing they are but I am not making any other predictions - I'm never very good at that!

I will most definitely be back soon for chapter three :D

Haronione ♥

Author's Response: I'm pleased to hear you liked it! ♥ I think a lot of my next gen characterization comes from the fact that I HAVEN'T read or written a lot of this era, so I just write them how I see them -- which apparently isn't like other people do. ;) I'm so glad Erin doesn't feel like a Hermione-clone to you, too. She is a bit like her, but also her own person, you know?

I won't give you any indication if the incidents are related or not. That's part of the fun! Reading over these reviews has made me very excited to start writing this story again, and I think I'm going to try and finish chapter 5 this week so I can post chapter 4 very soon. I told myself I'd take it easier with this story, but it still makes me twitchy to be such a sporadic updater.

Thank you for reviewing -- I'd love to see you return to future chapters, too!

 Report Review

Review #24, by nott theodore The Inspection

3rd October 2013:
Hi Rachel!

I was so pleased to see you'd updated this story, and that we got to see James with Harry! I've been really intrigued about how you'd write him since who his father is has such a big impact on James's life, and I was really interested to see your characterisation of him. The relationship felt a little ambiguous, and I couldn't really describe it yet, but I think Harry was trying to protect James by not giving him all the information that Corrigan was giving away. He was trying to do his job, too, but I feel like he wants to protect James (and the other students) from being exposed to the horrors he faces as part of his job.

Backtracking a bit, but I really liked the way that you opened this chapter, especially with the reactions of the girls and boys to what happened with the beds setting on fire. I can definitely see the boys (including Albus) trying to be some sort of knight in shining armour figure and looking after the girls. I liked the fact that while most people hadn't thought past the emotions the fire caused, James is already convinced that it's connected with the body. I think there's a detective somewhere in this boy!

I loved Teddy's appearance! He seemed so fun and natural and although it's a small thing, I liked the fact he's still training to be a Healer, because so many stories just launch all the next generation into glittering careers as soon as they leave Hogwarts, which isn't very realistic! I liked the detail about the Magical Mortuary as well.

I have one tiny Brit-pick (if you don't mind) - we call a class schedule a timetable.

Harry's reaction when James mentioned spells at random was brilliant! I liked the fact that James doesn't actually know why his dad is reacting in that way, and nor do Albus and Lily, but the reader knows exactly what causes the reaction. Lily's guess isn't actually far off though, since he probably could have killed Draco if Snape hadn't been able to heal him.

This could be me imagining things, but am I sensing some sort of triangle between Albus, James and Erin? Because if I am then I have a feeling that it won't end well...

I can't wait to see what happens next! I think that the body of Bartleby Cuffe must have something to do with Erin or Erin's family, but I'm not sure - then again, it could all be a massive red herring that you're laying in front of us! Either way, I'll look forward to the next chapter!

Sian :)

Author's Response: *hides* I should be lashed for waiting so long to answer this review. I'm really, really sorry! It's no comment on your lovely review, believe me! ♥ I'm trying to update this story again tomorrow, too!

I loved writing James/Harry interaction, and while initially I didn't intend to bring Harry back for much beyond this chapter, now I might have to find a way. I just love writing Harry. :) He was definitely being protective of his son, which I think is natural, knowing as we do the sort of childhood Harry himself had.

Dear Albus, wanting to protect Erin. ♥ Reading over this review (and others) really has made me see that I miss this story. I haven't touched it in a while, for several reasons... but I might try and finish chapter 5 this week, so I can post chapter 4!

And now I want to develop Teddy more, too -- I am for some reason incredible intrigued with the Magical Mortuary. I smell a short story! And I'm SO GLAD you caught that bit about random spells. ♥ It's a subtle nod to canon I knew everyone wouldn't catch, but I'm glad someone did!

*wiggly eyebrows at your insinuation of triangles*

Now I'm just too excited about this story. I've stepped back from it enough to really miss it now! :D Hopefully I'll get to work on it very soon, though not today (so busy, oh my goodness), but I hope you'll return when I do post again! Thanks for reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #25, by Cannons The Fire

30th September 2013:
You are good...really good!

I'm completely in the dark though at this point with regards to guesses for the plot!

Can't wait until chapter 3!

Author's Response: Thank you very much! I'm hoping to get another chapter out soon -- I'm working on chapter 5, actually, and have 3 and 4 in waiting, but I want to get a little caught up on review responses first. Probably tomorrow or Wednesday!

I'm glad you like the plot so far. :) I have some things planned, and I'd be very surprised if anyone's guessed them, but you'll have to wait and see what they are!

Thanks for reviewing!

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>