718 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Pheonix Potioneer Buildup: Scorpius POV

20th May 2016:
Just read the entire thing in one day, and it is brilliant! Keep up the great work!

Selenia's death was devestating! Never expected that.

So... I can't help but think that everyone is missing some big thing as to Stannous's intentions. For example, when he kidnapped Rose, I understand using crucio flagnate on her and releasing her to show that she is the girl in the prophecy. But if he thinks he is the father, why didn't he sexually assault her? Did he honestly care enough about Rose to wait until she was older? I don't understand it at all.

And then, when he came back two years later, he was really stupid. There were two other people there, just sleeping. If he really wanted to kidnap Rose again, he just needed to cast muffilato. He's not stupid- he successfully forged his Hogwarts application without anyone finding out, and he got past the wards to their apartment. So, I'm forced to conclude that the mistakes he made were actually deliberate. For example, when they attacked Rose and Scorpius at the hospital- clearly Stannous was smart enough to figure out that Rose was there, and which room she was in. But instead of going himself, he sent really low-key people. I know they said that Stannous was probably hoping to overwhelm them with numbers, but... come on. He had one shot at this. He shouldn't waste it.

So clearly Stannous is smart- and dumb. OR he is smart and plans these attacks to distract from someone else. Stannous has the best aurors trying to find him, so maybe he is trying to distract them from something else that might be going on. That's the only reason I can think of why he would be so stupid.

Speaking of the hospital, Rose's fall is also interesting. She trips over nothing (probably a trip jinx), falls and sees someone. Probably either Stannous or one of his lackeys. My guess is they hospitalized her in order to make it so she would forget her revelations about the case she was working on. She said she couldn't remember anything, so after Rose was unconscious he probably obliviated her. And then to cover up the noise of Rose falling her probably used muffilato, which is why James and the other people in the house didn't hear Rose fall.

And I don't think Selania died by mistake, with death eaters mistaking her for Rose. They look completely different! I think Selania was killed because she knew about Rose's revelations on the case. I think they killed Selania instead of Rose because it was easier, and it actually would have been harder to obliviate Selania since that would have to be done secretly. They could kill her openly. And of course, they didn't care to keep Selania alive. They need Rose alive because of the child.

And speaking of the case Rose was working on, we saw that the papers ended up back in the drawer- and we know that the papers were strewn all over the place when it fell. So that means that either James or another resident of the house put it away for her OR whoever insinuated Rose's fall, and who was working for Stannous, did it. My guess is the latter. But if they tripped Rose to make sure that she would never solve the case, then why wouldn't they steal the papers? Why would they leave it in the house? Unless they tripped Rose for an entirely different reason. Or that person is a member of a third party- someone else who knows about the prophecy, but isn't working for Stannous and has his own, independent motives.

But if we assume that the person who tripped Rose works for Stannous... then we have a HUGE problem. Actually, we have a huge problem either way. Because that person was standing in Grimmauld Place, and were not detected at all. That is BAD NEWS. That place is protected with a freaking Fidelius Charm! So if Stannous can get in there, then that is very very very bad. Of course, that does raise a bit if a mystery, because then wouldn't he just try to attack Rose there, instead of the hospital? My only explanation is that Stannous does not want to reveal that he can get into Grimmauld Place. I think he's saving that reveal for after Rose's child is born.

I think that part of Stannous's plan, now that Rose is pregnant, is that after the baby is born he will kidnap the child and raise it to be a dark wizard. After all, the prophecy says that the child will be super-powerful, so those with malicious intentions would probably want to use that child. If that is the case, then it's sort of like season 6 of Doctor Who: Amy is going to have a powerful timelord child, so she gets kidnapped by Madam Kovarian, she has the baby, and then the baby is kidnapped. So I feel like this is going to follow a similar plotline. And that makes me very scared for Rose, Scorpius, and their child.

So the events I am eagerly anticipating are:

a) Rose having her child. Hope it will be happy occasion and not riddled with negative situations (but it probably will). I also want to know whether the baby is a boy or girl. And can I just say that the current names they have chosen are terrible? I know, whole star constellation family tradition thing, but come on.

b) Rose possibly solving that case that she was SO close to finishing before she fell and lost her memory. I'm really curious as to why they were murdered, and who their names are.

c) Scorpius and Rose's wedding! I'm hoping, once again, that it will be an extremely happy occasion, and that death eaters don't show up (like they did during Bill and Fleur's wedding). But I doubt my wishes will be granted.

c) Finding out Stannous's endgame, even if it absolutely terrible. I just want to know.

Anyway, great story so far, and keep it up!

 Report Review

Review #2, by Lee Jackson Broken: Rose POV

18th May 2016:
I absolutely love this! I also picture Al and Rose as Ravenclaws, and I'm glad to find another fic writer who agrees :D

I love where this is going, and you've definitely earned the Dobby for this one!

I also want to say: well done on creating an accurate and realistic portrayal of depression and panic attacks. I don't know whether or not you intended for Rose to come across as depressed, but what Rose said is true: the hardest thing for people with depression to accomplish is the ‘get up’ part.

I think I've been looking for a story like this for a while.

Thank you.

 Report Review

Review #3, by oldershouldknowbetter Breakable: Rose POV

9th May 2016:
Back again for some BvB.

Again you show, that when Rose is in her element - as in the healing/comforting of Lily - then she is brave and resolute and confident. It is an almost 180 degree from where she was, panicking and holding onto Lily not four or five paragraphs before.

Her Aunt is an old hand at this waiting game and comforts them both, you spell as much out later, but it is obvious here in her actions. Rose might denigrate her aunt's offer of tea, but it is precisely the sort of normality that Lily requires.

On a completely different note, and it's a funny thing to be mentioning here, but it is funny that I should read this chapter again now, because I am just writing one of my own where Ron is offering Draco (who is sitting in his kitchen) a cup of tea; for much the same reason as Ginny is offering her daughter one. It's just funny, coincidences sometimes. I cannot wait for you to read the chapter, but unfortunately it is one that occurs in Rose's sixth year and as such will not be posted for quite some time.

Anyway, back to your story, enough of my chatting off topic.

Rose gets angry and this is good. Gone is the girl of the beginning of this story who would have retreated further into her shell. She is angry where she should be too: with the Death Eaters; with the unfairness of it all; but especially with herself. Your readers are really seeing a Rose who is turning a corner in her life. She wanted to go out in the previous chapter, away from her home comfort zone, and in this one she is furious at herself for her inaction in the face of danger.

It is not her forté, she shouldn't be that hard on herself, but she wants to break out of her chains of insecurity.

I like the training room that the Potters have in their cellar, I just might have to borrow that for my own story ... (if you don't mind that is). Though it does remind me of my own conceit, that Harry had his children and the cousins trained in defensive arts from a young age. I guess we see a certain thing about Harry - I don't think that he has ever forgotten the lesson of Constant Vigilance.

Ginny appears, after Rose has vented her frustrations. In the rest of this chapter we see a real bond that is developing between these two women. Rose and Ginny already had a strong Niece/Aunt relationship, but now it is morphing into a more adult one; especially with the shared burden of being in love with Aurors. And they both have double the worry: a son and husband for one, and a boyfriend and father for the other one.

Rose is clever. For all her faltering in the face of danger, which has it's legitimate origins, she is still highly intelligent and observant. The way she picks up upon the subtle hint her aunt drops - that Rose's mother may just understand her plight - is very well done.

Her mum coming along and hearing it all is a good storytelling technique. I am always impressed by your abilities with the tools of story construction. Her mum had to know, but to have it all told to her again would have been doubling up your writing. It's good stuff. As well, let me not trivialise it, as being good for the character of both Rose and her mum, as far as your story goes. It will bring the two of them closer together with the knowledge of the shared horrors that they each had to endure.

Rose finally acknowledges the efficacy of tea. Again, lovely story construction, as it is a turn around from earlier in the chapter.

Oh, one thing that I meant to mention earlier, is the little bits of spell work that you are creating in this story. It is a trap to start making lots of new spells and it's one you don't fall into. The way you add to the spells we already know, with advances/extras is a beautiful way around this pitfall. We already know the Reparo, but now you give us the Instar Reparo. And also with Rose having the miniaturised healer's bag. The other trick, which you also do, is to make any new spell something that doesn't stray too far from the unwritten rules of how JKR's magic works. All good stuff.

Scorpius reappears with a vicious wound, and 'Healer Rose' snaps into action again. And we also find out to our relief that everyone is OK, never minding a scrape or two. But Rose knows what to do, she will accompany Scorpius back to the Ministry and tend to the wounds of the Aurors - as she has done many times before. I know when she gets there, she will brook no argument as to her presence.

This is the aftermath of a chapter of action, but it doesn't feel any less dramatic for it. Probably because you choose not to reveal to us the fate of the Aurors left behind till the very end of the chapter. We are witnessing the birth of a new Rose, one who is breaking out of her shell, and ready to take on the world. I really like how this story is going and where it is headed.

Andrew,
Oldershouldknowbetter.

 Report Review

Review #4, by oldershouldknowbetter Breakout: Rose POV

4th May 2016:
Hi there, tagging you back for the BvB.

Well we come to this chapter. In my reviews of the last few chapters, I've said that they were tidying up most of the strands of the first act of your story and setting up what we could all expect from the storyline to come. Well with this chapter the second act truly begins. We have a Rose and Scorpius who have stopped the dancing around each other and have declared their mutual love. We also know that we have two young people who are competent in their respective fields; more than competent really, they could shine and be truly great.

Thus do you set up your players ... and then you do this chapter to them.

Oh well, lets get into the review proper.

What makes the coming events even worse, is that it effectively destroys the fledgling steps that Rose is just beginning to take at the start of the chapter. In the last one she got the sudden idea to go out, she wanted to feel normal. Here we see her internal fortitude, what she thinks she lacks, coming to the fore; for example, is she about to have a panic attack - no, she controls it. Good for her.

Here is also where we start to get to know some of your supporting cast better. The story has been focused upon Rose and Scorpius primarily, which is where it had to be, but now that Rose's horizons are broadening, so too are the story's.

You introduce us to all of the people who are at the bar that night and with each one they all have a little bit of characterisation to go with them. The two exceptions are Selenia and Samara, no you give us extra with them. It is well done how you intertwine their physical descriptions with the description of the character of the two girls. We know Albus fairly well (though the hug which he gives Rose, reaffirms just how close the two of them are), and James too, it is good to now really come to terms with just whom their partners are.

Rose is so desperately trying to hide the gory details from everyone and largely it works. Even when she gives Scorpius a big smooch in front of everyone, it doesn't give it away. She diffuses her cousin's overprotective eye with a bit of throwing it back at him. I like the sass that you have brought out in this more confident Rose; when she feels comfortable and confident and happy, she can give as good as she gets.

You do at least give Rose a couple of hours of pleasure, of living life as a normal person might, before you drop the drama upon her. You even bring back into the story Astatine, having her work at the bar to support her meagre wages is a good device to do so, but I get the feeling (like me with Stephen) that you liked writing the character and so used any excuse to bring her back in.

And then Dom comes along. Ah, the character of Dom that you have already presented us with is one who is insightful but forthright, and she certainly shows it here. She immediately divines the secret that Rose wants to hide, and just as quickly blurts it out for everyone to hear. But Rose is relaxed and happy and more sanguine about the truth getting out than she was at the beginning of the night (and when she had less firewhiskey in her, may I also add).

You also have just a lovely scene with Albus. We see even more how close the two of them are, they will talk of things that neither of them would with any other. I do so like how you have Albus reaffirming how good the pair of Rose and Scorpius are together - how both of them have helped each other out of dark times. We know this, and Rose sort of knows this, but it harks back to the running theme that you had before, about how she was honest with everyone but herself. To have Albus straight out say it to her, she cannot deny it to herself any longer; she must accept that she is truly worthy of his love and it comes from more than mere attraction. A much deeper wellspring than that.

And that is when you drop Drama and Plot down upon our heads like a ton of bricks.

There is a disturbance in the club. The initial confusion when something like this happens you portray well, but then a glimpse through the crowd reveals, dum dum dah, Death Eaters.

You write the action very well. The confusion that the characters feel about what's going on and why, is never shared by your readers. The actions of all your cast are spot on in character, are all clearly delineated and come from a logical extrapolation from who they are.

Albus and Scorpius are competent and rise immediately to the challenge. But poor Rose, once again when confronted with a situation that is out of her comfort zone, fails at it. Her nerves get the better of her and she fails to preform the spells that she needs to. But within her comfort zone - that of caring for other people - she is still strong. She doesn't forget that not only is Lily not with them, she is probably alone. Rose will not leave the bar without her, against the protestations of Scorpius. Though he understands too and goes with her to find Lily, at the insistence of Albus (which will take on a greater importance in a chapter to come).

When they find Lily, Rose also finds out that the Death Eaters are here because of her. Though as she later points out, the 'Red' could have also applied to her. This we know will do a lot of harm to Rose's mental well-being. She will blame herself for every injury and death in the place, just because 'she felt like going out'. *sigh*

But again you show that whilst she is lousy in combat, she is great when she has to care for and protect someone - as she disappears from the bar and takes Lily with her.

A dramatic chapter, the true start of the second act of your story, filled with delicious characterisation and thrilling action. Well done.

Andrew,
Oldershouldknowbetter.

 Report Review

Review #5, by Penelope Inkwell Bound by Love: Rose and Scorpius POV

27th April 2016:
AAAHHH I KNEW IT!

I mean, the hints were there. Probably most people guessed it. But still!

You know, I'm really glad that he proposed *before* finding out she was pregnant. It's such a cliche to propose just after, and it allows Rose to feel the full strength of his support, hopefully, as she faces this news.

Also, A++ to Scorpius for that proposal. Tossing a Seeker a ring instead of a Snitch, on the professional field of (what I think is) her favorite team? Ravenclaw colors? Just, very well done.

I'm also so glad he was finally insistent about her taking a look at her symptoms! We finally get down to the bottom of all this!

Man, that's gonna make Healer training hard. Of course, I suppose that's the least of her worries, what with the giant scary prophecy and all...

Oh gosh. Ron's gonna murder Scorpius. Just... murder.

CC:

“Just dress warm and comfortable,” having won the debate, he hopped off the bed,grinning in self-satisfaction.
--Two things here: (1) I think "having" should probably begin a new sentence, rather than being attached to the dialogue. (2) there needs to be a space between the comma after bed and "grinning".


I cannot wait to see how this goes over with the fam. And what they're gonna think about the prophecy in light of these new developments. Oh boy.

--Penny

 Report Review

Review #6, by Penelope Inkwell Bone Tired: Scorpius POV

27th April 2016:
Pregnant. She's sooo pregnant.

I was worried that she knew it and was pulling away. I can't totally tell, though. She seemed sincere. But she's also a Healer trainee. But then, I suppose, that happens. She's very caught up in this baby she sees as being part of a distant future; maybe the idea of having a baby right now is just so far out of the range of possibilities that she legitimately hasn't noticed. Or she could be in denial.

CC:

Rose had just started her most difficult round of courses and all us Auror trainees were gearing up for our S.N.A.K.E.s. (Specialized Normal Auror Knowledge Exams) there are two exams, one is written and one is a practical exam in defense, offense and ministry procedures for different situations.
--I think "there are two exams", should probably be the start of a new sentence, here.

or if we can become an entry-level Auror and work as full-fledged partner.
--it seems like this might read smoother if it were "and work as a full-fledged partner", with that "a" added in.

I was really glad that she likes the color blue.
--tense switch. I think it should be, "I was really glad that she liked the color blue."


Okay, off to the next chapter! There are so many realizations that could be happening any time now! I'm so eager to see how it all falls out!

--Penny

 Report Review

Review #7, by Penelope Inkwell Baffled: Scorpius and Rose POV

27th April 2016:
Ugh. I had a whole long, well-thought out review written up here, and it just refreshed and lost it. So this might not be as coherent, but I'll try to get the main points down.

No! Poor Ruth. Murdered--I mean, just how sad. And Rose! Now Stannous is coming after the people she cares about? How on earth will she deal with that? Or *was* that what he was trying to do? I wonder if he tried to torture information out of Ruth. I don't know what sort of info she might have had, but she *was* Rose's therapist.

Okay, I'm just gonna call it--Rose is queasy. She's looking peaked. She's pregnant. Or, possibly, having a pregnancy square. With you, it could certainly go either way. But I'm thinking that this "who's the daddy" question could come to a head much sooner than anticipated. Of course, I guess it doesn't say that it's Rose's firstborn. Stannous could keep trying. Oh, ick.

It was interesting to finally get to see the prophecy. Come on, guys! Clearly this could refer to Scorpius! Come on!



CC:

The only people who have heard this, other than a few Department of Mysteries employees are the Aurors and trainees.
--I think there should be a comma after "employees" and before "are"


Have I mentioned my distrust of Samara. Of course, she *could* turn out to have (positive) hidden depths, but I just find her super suspicious. She's privy to a lot of sensitive information, and she doesn't come across as remotely trustworthy. *Problem*.

I'm so glad that Hermione is on the case! If anyone can figure out some of the details of this prophecy, it's her!

I just love this story so much! Even with all the drama, reading it takes me to this calm, happy place. I just really enjoy it.

--Penny

 Report Review

Review #8, by MrsJaydeMalfoy Buildup: Scorpius POV

20th April 2016:
WELL IT IS ABOUT TIME I GOT HERE TO READ AND REVIEW THIS!!! I'm sorry it has taken me SO long, but I haven't forgotten! As soon as I saw that you'd updated I was SO excited, I wrote 'review ASLTW' on a notepad on my desktop, and it's been sitting there ever since! I hope my review can make up for the crazy amount of time it's taken me to get to it!!

First off, in a way I'm kind of relieved that it's been 3 months since the attack, because that means that Stannous hasn't been able to get to them for 3 months. But, at the same time, knowing how desperate he is, that's also 3 months for him to plan something completely horrid.. so it really makes me nervous. And then also, knowing that it's been 3 months means that Rose is getting REALLY far along now, so, if Stannous is going to try something else, he's probably going to do it soon... *looks from side to side with paranoia*

The replay of the events was just AMAZING and it really helped me to feel like a part of the investigation - I LOVE that! I feel like I'm caught up to speed with the characters as far as intel goes! But, being able to see in on that meeting has just given me SO MANY QUESTIONS, like if the death eaters realized that they'd got the wrong person... and HOW did they know Sels was in Diagon Alley? I mean COME ON! The fact that they immediately went after everyone else in the vicinity makes me think they DO realize they got the wrong target, and were hoping Rose was somewhere nearby hiding.. but still. I'm just so curious about what their goal was.. did they want to hurt the baby, kidnap Rose? Both? UGH so many questions! But I'm honestly kind of scared to know the answers!! :P

And then of course, poor Scorpius!! It broke my heart to see him so conflicted, fighting so hard to stay strong and focused, but he just can't keep it together. I can't blame him, and I know he's got to be really conflicted about all the emotions going through his head. Obviously he's very sad for losing Sels, but in a way I'm sure he's relieved that it wasn't Rose and the baby... but at the same time I'm pretty sure he feels guilty for thinking that way, as Sels was his friend... the poor guy! I'm so happy that Harry realized WHY he needed a break, and that he convinced him to go talk to Rose. I can't wait to see their conversation, because I'm sure that they can both make each other feel better, or at least I hope so.

Anyway, this was another really intriguing and also slightly nerve-wracking chapter, and I can't wait to see what happens next. Update soon please!! *Squish* ♥

 Report Review

Review #9, by Penelope Inkwell Broomsticks and Breathing: Scorpius and Rose POV

18th April 2016:
I was so happy to see Rose have the opportunity to get out and have a little fun after all she's been through. A girls day with Selenia was just the thing!

All those little instances of seeing Ron were really cute, too. "Earlier he was pretending to smoke (Mum would kill him)" I loved that line. It's those details that keep us grounded in this world, and in the Weasley family.

"I’d acted like a complete git, but I’d been so upset…"
--Scorpius is such a sweet little cinnamon role sometimes! Aww. I was so glad to see that he'd realized his mistake, and that for both him and Rose, being together was so much more important than the things that were drawing them apart.

That bit where Selenia nearly died because her boyfriend's father showed up to guard them coming out of a lingere store? BRILLIANT! That was hilarious!

I wonder if Ron really isn't that skilled at undercover work, or if it's really that he meant to be seen. After all, there's probably a whole cadre of undercover Aurors covering them, but it doesn't hurt for Rose to be reminded that someone's there, that she's still safe, even with the lifted restrictions. I know it doesn't seem to be bothering her, but a little reassurance doesn't hurt. Besides, it seems like they might want Stannous and Co. to know that Rose is being looked after. This isn't a trap with her as the bait--the last thing they want is an actual attack on her first weekend out. It probably isn't a bad idea to have some security--members of the Golden Trio, no less--right there out in the open.

Either way, though, Auror Ron was adorable :)


CC:

Here’ the salon
--Here's is missing an s after the apostrophe

This was a new Rose Weasley – professional healer and… girlfriend extraordinaire? The jury’s still out on that one.
--the tense switches in the second sentence. This was the new Rose. The jury is still out. Might be better to change it to "the jury was".


It was so good to have some girl time and to just get Rose out of the house/hospital for a bit. I know Scorpius is a little adorkable, not recognizing her, but I also imagine she looks much better, and not just from the makeup. After months of just staying inside all the time, feeling trapped, constantly stressed, I bet a day out did absolute wonders for her.

I'm looking forward to hearing them talk through the matter, but I'm so glad that she and Scorpius were able to make up. Hopefully Al and Selenia will do the same. I'm thinking they will. ;)

Thanks for the chapter! It's always a pleasure!

--Penny

 Report Review

Review #10, by Penelope Inkwell Baleful: Rose POV

18th April 2016:
Whew.

Well, first of all, I'm so glad that everything is finally out in the open, and that Rose is in a place where she can not only discuss her trauma openly, but also stand up for what she wants. Even better, what she wants isn't to hide away in fear for who knows how long, but to take back her life! Go Rose!

As to the prophecy, I think James said it best.

Poor Scorpius. He's plainly terrified. And I can understand that, too. He needs to consider Rose's quality of life, yeah, but he's so focused on making sure that she even has one. He's so, so afraid for her, and for them. And, I mean, this is a terrifying situation. There's a very powerful psycho fixated on Rose, intent on torturing and assaulting her. And I mean, that's the woman Scorpius loves. Not just that, but he feels an extra responsibility to protect her, because he's in law enforcement. Anyone would feel the need to protect a loved one, but I feel like in some ways it's harder for Scorpius, because it's his job combined with his personal life. If he were to be unable to stop Stannous--if he were to get to Rose again--I'm not sure there's any part of Scorpius that could ever forgive himself. Of course he's scared.

I am curious about Stannous' intentions. It's strange. I mean, obviously he's seriously messed up and wants to cause Rose pain. But...if he thinks he's the father of this child, why would he have exposed Rose to a curse that should have killed her? What is he trying to achieve?

I'm proud of Hermione for holding it together despite her own fear, to be a good example to Rose. It seemed like it helped her find courage. And Rose did an incredible job at insisting to have input in her own life. I'm so incredibly proud of her for insisting on being taught to fight!

It's strange--it seems like Rose is still in a bit of a daze, and that's not surprising. But it doesn't seem like she's realized that the child in question could also be hers and Scorpius'. I mean, obviously that's a lot of weight to put on a relatively new relationship, but it's a lot better than the alternative.

The idea of having to Obliviate your loved ones is horrible. That's the kind of thing that could tear apart a relationship, if they ever found out. However, Albus clearly is a stand up guy for only Obliviating what he had to, instead of taking the opportunity to make sure Selenia never remembered why she was angry with him.

It was good to see Rose and Albus making up. I really like that this fic isn't just about either the romance between her and Scorpius or the action/mystery, but it also involves friendship and family relationships. It makes it a much more complex story, and all the characters are so much more developed thanks to the focus you put on that.

I hope that Scorpius and Rose make up soon, and I'm so glad to see that she's getting out for a bit with Selenia. I am loving this story and--I know I've said it before, but I really mean it--I am SO glad to be reading it again!

--Penny

 Report Review

Review #11, by Penelope Inkwell Bedlam: Scorpius and Rose POV

17th April 2016:
Man, this chapter is short, but dramatic! Bedlam is a good word for it. You just feel everyone's panic and fear and churning emotions, especially Rose and Scorpius. I mean, he's onscreen relatively little for this, but in that moment you just feel how terrified he's been, how much this hurts, so deeply, you know? I can completely understand why Rose isn't ready to deal with him, even though it makes me sad that she pushes him away. You do a great job of justifying all the characters, of getting us into their heads and understanding where they're all coming from.

CC:
I don’t regularly visit their house
--this was shift in tense that seemed a bit odd, since the rest is all in past. Seems like it should be "didn't regularly visit".

some semblance of the normal life of a twenty year old.
--Didn't Rose just say earlier--maybe last chapter that her 21st birthday had passed?

Those were the only things I noticed. Wonderful as always! This chapter goes quickly, but it sets us up nicely for what I imagine is a lot of craziness to come. I absolutely have to read on and find out how all this goes down!

Did I mention how glad I am to be reading this fic again? I am SO glad!

--Penny

 Report Review

Review #12, by Penelope Inkwell Boredom: Rose and Scorpius POV

17th April 2016:
BETH! I'm back! And ohmygosh I have missed this story!

Sorry it's been so long--I went on a hiatus that ended up being rather longer than I'd expected. But I'm so glad to be reading this again.


Am I the only one that thinks it's hilarious that a pregnancy test matches the exact shade of Scorpius' eyes?

Poor Rose! This is the problem with keeping things from the people you're trying to protect! She doesn't know how dangerous it really is for her out there. And really? For none of the Aurors to have cottoned onto the fact that she had major cabin fever--I mean, open your eyes, guys! They're so focused on keeping her safe that I think they've lost focus on keeping her well , which, given all she's been through, is an important consideration. I can't even really blame her for taking off--not that much. I mean, it was reckless and dangerous, but she was so stifled, and then there they were saying she didn't need to try to defend herself and "trust the system" when the system had failed her so badly already?

I know they mean well--that's so clear. They're just trying to protect her. But Selenia's right: they've really forgotten the bigger picture.

There was something I especially liked about the turnaround there, about how Scorpius is so quick to blame Selenia for saying the wrong thing, when really it's the Auror crowd who've upset her so much. It just feels like we're very much in his head when we're in his POV, and reminds us that not every narrator is always correct or reliable. It was good to see that bias.

CC:

I noticed this one thing: This was bad. Really bad. Rose doesn’t even know how bad this was
--the tense switches right there. It's in past with the two "was"es, so "doesn't" should probably be "didn't".


I just can't say how glad I am to be reading this again! I've missed your fantastic story-telling!

--Penny

 Report Review

Review #13, by kayleefrank Buildup: Scorpius POV

6th April 2016:
I just want to tell you I love this story! I usually don't read stories until they are finished because it gets really frustrating when they either abandon them or don't update them for 5 years, but I'm so glad I took a chance on this story. Keep up the great work! Can't wait for what you have next!

 Report Review

Review #14, by kayleefrank Bone Tired: Scorpius POV

3rd April 2016:
Rose is pregnant! I'm like 90% sure! I figured the prophecy was about her and scorpious from the moment I read it. He's the son of a death eater! Can't wait to find out if I'm right. Your story is amaze balls!

 Report Review

Review #15, by Tonks1247 Buildup: Scorpius POV

29th March 2016:
Beth! I’m sorry I’m such a slacker! I read this a day or two after you posted and have been busy/tired/lazy and haven’t reviewed it yet! OH THE HORROR! HOW DARE I?!

*cough*

Sorry. Ignore that. I’ve been working nights and playing Quidditch all week and am over tired and weird. More so than normal.

Anyways.

I really wanna cuddle Scorpius. Like, he sounds like he’s having such a hard time with everything that’s been going on and like he’s taking on everything and putting this expectation on himself that he can’t be sad or talk about how he’s feeling because he’s gotta be strong. And like, I can respect that, but the poor guy….he’s a walking disaster from the sounds of it. He’s living in his own head and that’s never a good thing. Because then he’s spiralling into the ‘but what if it was Rose’ and that’s dangerous. Which is why it’s probably really good that Harry said something. Because someone needs to shake him a bit and get him to speak and honestly Rose is more than capable of managing his stress and her own.

I do find the different perspectives Scorpius notices on the case interesting. The head healer, Aphis Lawrence is sort of obnoxious. He’s so rash about everything and even if the case wasn’t so close to so many on the team, he could be a little more…delicate about it? Then again, when you’re distanced from an event it’s super easy to talk like that….And I also love how Dom is so easily focused on the case. Seems like she’s got that ability to compartmentalize, which is like, the greatest things ever. Helps her to focus. I think some of the others have that as well, although it seems like tensions are running so high because they can’t figure anything out. Which adds to Scorpius’ anxiety and panic and it’s actually a good description to show the break down he’s facing if he doesn’t let off some steam.

I’M ALSO SUPER BOTHERED BETH BECAUSE SCORPIUS’ PARENTS’ KITCHEN ACCIDENT IS PRESENT AND I WANT TO KNOW HOW THAT’S RELATED TO EVERYTHING AND I STILL KNOW NOTHING. Or maybe I’m just being paranoid and it really is nothing just something that keeps sticking out to me. Or maybe it’s not. :P

Overall, this was a lovely chapter. I was quite excited to see another one come out and I cannot wait for the next! Love seeing what happens and can only anxiously anticipate the things to come…

-Mikaela

 Report Review

Review #16, by TheEmotionalTeaspoon Buildup: Scorpius POV

28th March 2016:
Okay so first off, *eeep*, this ending was so sweet, I can't wait for Scorpius to go and have some well deserved cuddles with Rose.

Secondly, this review is long overdue, so it's probably going to be a bit lengthy, oops! I found this story a while ago and started flying through the chapters, every time I pressed next I thought to myself that I should stop to review and share the love but I was too selfish and just kept reading haha.

Now that I've had a bit of time to recover from the awesomeness... one of the biggest things that stands out to me about this story is the little hints you've been placing in previous chapters. There were a few I picked up early on and secretly felt really proud of myself for guessing, and a few I really didn't expect; like the prophecy! It's really inspiring how addictive you've made this story, especially through keeping everyone guessing and weaving different plotlines together. It must be hard to think it all out and make sure you drop the right details into the right chapters. I've been trying to plan out something like that and it's made me realize how much thought needs to go into it!

Another great thing that stands out is the way you write the whole Weasley/Potter clan. I'm always impressed at how a really good next-gen writer is able to keep track of all the different family members, and give them all such dynamic personalities. I think you do that really well. I also love how you've written Scorpius, especially when you touched on his past and the way Draco dealt with everything, post war. (Also, oh gosh his parents deaths, eek when will Rose pick that file back up?)

Something else I think you do really well is the hurt and comfort aspect of the story. It's so nerve wracking to watch everybody deal with their emotions in the face of everything that happens, and each person responds in such a different way. I think that's sign of really good, three dimensional character writing. The way that Rose and Scorpius also drift apart and back together again when tackling their issues is also really great; sometimes I think it's easy to fall into the trap of concluding a story with a couple finally 'getting together', but you show that relationships are an ongoing lovestory :)

Anyway, thanks so much for writing this, it's been so much fun to read so far! I'll be looking out for updates.

Kate

 Report Review

Review #17, by Cheeky Monkey Buildup: Scorpius POV

27th March 2016:
Enjoying your story :) looking forward to the next update!

 Report Review

Review #18, by Avanell 2 Bent: Rose POV

25th March 2016:
And I was #69 for chapter 1! That's my birth year ;) Very interesting party. Scorpius is so sweet! Of course, lol. Love it! :D

 Report Review

Review #19, by Avanell 2 Broken: Rose POV

25th March 2016:
Interesting start to this story...it took the lure of being (hopefully) reviewer 700 to check it out. I've been tempted before...now will definitely read more :)

 Report Review

Review #20, by CambAngst Buildup: Scorpius POV

25th March 2016:
Hi, Beth!

I have a new prime suspect. Healer Lawrence sure knows a lot about dark curses. He speaks lovingly about them, kind of like Barty, Jr. impersonating Mad-Eye Moody in Goblet of Fire. Or maybe that's what you want me to think. You're very sneaky!

Keeping the team small had its pros and cons. -- Not to nit-pick overly, but Scorpius doesn't seem to see any cons here, only pros.

Harry is a dab hand with those crime scene diagram charms. Seems like a guy who's had to do this far too often. :(

Nearly three months had passed and I still didn’t know how exactly to feel about that. - Poor guy. I doubt he'll ever know. There's no right way to feel about something like that.

For someone who's just there to lend expertise on the dark curses, Healer Lawrence took a lot of interest in Ron's assessment of the Death Eaters' tactics. Again, suspicious...

From the glint in his eye, it almost seemed like he got a sick sense of pleasure from simply talking about these horrible magical creations. -- Yep, very suspicious.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, it registered that I’d taken a direct hit to the heart with violenti totalis and survived, but another, much, much more pressing question rose in my throat. -- There's that prophecy-based resistance to curses rearing its head again. Seems that there's something special about both Rose and Scorpius.

Harry really comes through for Scorpius in the end. I like the way you balance Harry in this chapter. He's serious about his responsibilities, but also human.

Cool chapter! I'm looking forward to the chapter where Stannous kills Healer Lawrence so I can be wrong about him, too. :p

-Dan

 Report Review

Review #21, by Wonder Wall Betrothed: Rose POV

22nd March 2016:
Okay no Ron and Hermione aren't happy Scorpius is the father. They wouldn't be happy that anyone is the father because both its childish and irresponsible for Rose to be pregnant before she's married and particularly given the circumstances.

Secondly he is a Malfoy. His family has been wrapped in the Dark Arts for generations and their house and half their belongings might be dangerous to Rose and her baby. I know a lot of authors try to make light of all of the crimes Draco committed and like to pretend he didn't have any choices even though he clear had multiple ones and one of the whole points of the book is that its our choices that make us who we are.

Its true they might like him as an individual but neither Ron or Hermione would be happy the father of their child has ties to the evil that is the Malfoy family.

 Report Review

Review #22, by Wonder Wall Breakages: Scorpius POV

22nd March 2016:
God Harry is a jerk and Ron is completely right about everything. Harry has gotten so full of himself maybe Ron should have left him at the bottom of that pond in DH.

 Report Review

Review #23, by Keira7794 Buildup: Scorpius POV

21st March 2016:
I've been away from HPFF for about four years now as I completed my university degree, and your story has brought me straight back into the heart of it!
You write in an incredible manner and your characters are truly engaging, realistic and relatable, and I eagerly await your next chapter.
You've inspired me to continue my old story too - so much gratitude for that. Keep writing!
Keira x

 Report Review

Review #24, by Emma Buildup: Scorpius POV

21st March 2016:
Thank you so much for updating love your story!!!

 Report Review

Review #25, by oldershouldknowbetter Breakdown: Rose POV

25th February 2016:
Hi there, snagged you again for the BvB. From our brief convo' the other day, I know you're enjoying my reviews, so as I am enjoying writing and reviewing too, I shall just have to keep it up.

So I said, I think it was two chapters ago, that the story had left it's first phase and was entering the main body of the story now; what with Rose coming clean about some of the stuff that had happened to her and the ramifications of her admissions. So last chapter we saw what Scorpius, et al were up to in regards to the investigation. This chapter we see what Rose is on the cusp of doing and becoming.

The first thing we see is that she is finally in therapy - getting professional assistance to help her to come to terms with her traumatic past. I like Ruth, with her you have invented an engaging and certainly wise person. At this point in the story I am so reminded of Campbell's character archetypes - you really do have a knack of hitting all the marks that one should with a story of this type; if it's deliberate, I'm in awe, but if it's instinctual ... well, I'm also in awe. XP

The scars come up again, as too does the healing that she received at the hands of Scorpius. It reiterates the mystery behind it, and also you give a good explaination of just why Rose hasn't asked any of the professionals that she must have access to - questions might be asked that she doesn't want to have to deal with. Well done, and also it's such a good addition to this re-edit of the story. I simply cannot wait for the resolution of this plot thread.

"We're not that great at talking" HA!

Ruth gives Rose some sound opinion and we just might be instore for some sexy Rose/Scorpius times ahead - WOOOT!

An emergency is called and it serves to call Rose away from her session. A Spoiler for anyone who is actually reading this as a review: Not before we are given a tiny bit of plot - Ruth is off to travel in Bulgaria. When I first read this, I felt a somewhat ominous prickling of my fan-senses, but in the light of events to come ... Dum Dum Dah!

This whole next scene is just so good, well, it's actually awful, but what it shows us of Rose's character and the new leaf that she's turned, sets her up for the whole second act of your story.

There has been a magical accident which has claimed a lot of victims, as Rose finds out when she arrives in Emergency. You talk to me of the imaginitive way that I'm doing stuff with the framework of magic that JKR gave us to work with, but you are doing some impressive stuff yourself: the modification of the Crucio curse; Scorpius's healing abilities; and now this, the experiment of trying to combine portkeys and the Knight bus. So well thought out, you could have made it work, it seems like a logical extension of some of her rules for magic. But that didn't suit the exingencies of your story, instead it's a train wreck, or should I say Bus Crash to make it almost literal. The way you use McClaggen is well done too. It's just a little name to pop out of history, but it really fits. You could have used anyone, made up someone even, but we all know that McClaggen from the books was a person who acts without thinking (the doxy eggs incident) and thinks of his own importance without heeding the experience of others. So you using him as an adult who is responsible for this tradgey is perfectly matched.

And what it shows of Rose: how she responds to a crisis; the quick thinking that she is capable of on her feet; her caring; the loss of her first patient. This is the Rose that we knew she could become, here is all her potential coming to the fore and showing us what she is capable of.

Speaking of characters, you can make up beautiful ones of your own too. Astatine is a good fit for the position you have given her. The Chief Healer Lawrence is also a good invention. The way you have him being dissapointed at Rose's initial query of him and then the way he turns around and is really quite impressed at her abilities and diagnostic accumen is perfect. He is everything that a boss in his position should be. He sends her home early, as he should, to mentally recover from the strains of the day.

The aftermath of the events of the day are well handled. We really get to see that caring side of Rose and, though it is sad, you never drop into the maudilin with your writing. You handle everything as it should. I like your use of the 'hole' within Rose needing to be filled and then her made 'whole' with the presence of Scorpius. I am always impressed with your characterisation and plotting, but this reminds me that I am often impressed by your writing as well.

She seeks solace in his touch, in his presence and his closeness ...

Again, your use of the repeated 'closer' by Rose is such a good framework upon which to hang the escalation of events. And boy, do they escalate! Those sexy times that were possibly fast approaching are upon us now. You show us well, that in death must come some affirmation of life for those who are left.

They have an amazing time, I am grinning as I type this, and afterwards the Weasley appetite kicks in. But as Scorpius prepares a meal for her, Rose has other ideas - she wants to go out.

This is good, it shows that Rose is begining to come out of her self-imposed shell and begin to live. Yes there will be some tradgey, like the bus incident, but it can be dealt with as long as she has Scorpius by her side. SPOILER: will she still think so with the events of the chapter to come? I certainly hope so and that the strong Rose that has been buried for far too long will eventually come to the fore.

A really great chapter.

Andrew,
(hoping-that-his-spelling-isn't-too-bad-as-there's-no-spell-checker-on-his-phone)
Oldershouldknowbetter.

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>