57 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Patri Ch 15 Attacked by Guns!

18th August 2016:
Question:

Why are Death Eaters, wizards who without question hate anything muggle related, using muggle weapons and technology to attack aurors? Hypothetically say your reasoning was that they were so desperate that they did it well I would ask how would they know how it worked. You have rightly said that Pure-Bloods don't understand muggle technology so expecting them to be able to use machine guns is just silly.

Second thing. I don't like the whole wizard-point powerpoint kinda thing you are doing. Finding something muggle and saying it is changed to suit magic is all well and good but unrealistic. Also the whole Kevlar bullet proof vest idea is great however why does it need to be modified for magic? If it is to protect you from bullets that have no magic then you are simply saying it has magic for the sake of it.

 Report Review

Review #2, by Patri Ch 15 Attacked by Guns!

18th August 2016:
The gunfire scene is so rushed. Massively disappointing. The whole point of a lot of this is capturing the death eaters however I havn't actually read one scene where the death eaters are included. All this mapping crap is interesting but a massive waste of words if you're never actually going to go into greater depth. What s the point?

The mistakes and flaws in this righting are getting very frustrating however the idea as I have said before is really really interesting. If it wasn't I wouldn't be forcing my way through the story.

 Report Review

Review #3, by Patri Ch. 11 “Into a New Millennium”

17th August 2016:
Am enjoying reading this in a similar way to how I enjoy reading something such as Percy Jackson. The storyline is really interesting but it is ridden with problems and is by no means perfect.

2 biggest problems I have with this is that it is extremely repetitive and because you are trying to cram so much material into 200 000 words which in context really isn't that much, it reads more like a timeline than a story. It just feels rushed but tedious and drawn out at the same time.

 Report Review

Review #4, by Debvfr Ch. 22 The trial of Dolores Umbridge

3rd April 2016:
Not a good chapter for me not because if your writing but hate umbridge and dementors .

Author's Response: I do not like Umbridge or the Dementors either. The Dementors are still in the story, although not a huge part.

I have not been writing a fluffy story. I did feel this part had to be told.

Thank you for the reviews!

Jet


 Report Review

Review #5, by Debvfr Ch. 18 Relatives

3rd April 2016:
Love the way little concepts are introduced really enjoying

Author's Response: Thank you! Now I just have to keep all of it straight, as I finish the stories. I have just started Albus's first year at Hogwarts. There are themes that keep it from being on this site.

Thank you again for being a faithful revuewer. A faithful reviewer is a real blessing to us fan fiction writers.

JetLaBarge


 Report Review

Review #6, by Debvfr Ch. 14 Harry in China for Potions, then Reorganizing the Ministry

3rd April 2016:
Too busy reading to review.
I love that the story goes into detail and totally takes me into that world
Elves still my fav

Author's Response: I am trying to build on what Rowling wrote, and develop the science of magic some. I am glad that you like it.

Elves are very important to the continuing story. They get more important.

Again, thank you for the review!

JetLaBarge


 Report Review

Review #7, by jerryfs1 Ch 3 Ron and Hermione’s Wedding

14th April 2015:
Great wedding good story

Author's Response: Thank you. It was a fun chapter to write.

Jet LaBarge


 Report Review

Review #8, by Elle Ch. 10 First Christmas at Grimmauld Place

26th February 2015:
This is an amazing story just one thing, where it says"After dinner Harry paid the bill, 42 pounds, and Bill carefully counted out 8 pounds 40 cents for a tip. " it should be pence not cents. Its amazing otherwise just that one thing bothering me.

Author's Response: I have had a couple of British Beta's to help me with that sort of thing, but do not have one now. Do you want to volunteer?


Thank you for your kind words. I am trying to write a 'canon compliant' story for the most part.

Jet LaBarge


 Report Review

Review #9, by Salo35Lover Ch 12 Harry buys Hermione a house elf

14th August 2014:
I love your story's. This is the second one of yours I am reading. One little thing that bothers me is some of the spelling errors, especially when Hermione's last name (Granger) is spelt wrong. Maybe I am a little too picky or there is a reason you do that. But other than the spelling, I am addicted to the story. I love it and I could never write something like this. Keep up the awesome work!

Author's Response: I have a good beta now, but have not always had one. I really try to get the spelling right! If you notice a spelling error and point it out I will try and go back and correct it.

I have fought Victoire/Victoria for yefars, but knowing that Victoire is pronounced Veek TWAWR should help.

Thank you for the review.

Jet


 Report Review

Review #10, by clw87 CH 36 The aftermath of the Attack

10th July 2014:
I have thoroughly enjoyed this story so far and will continue to follow it till the end. I like your style of writing it is similar to JRK style. looking forward to the following chapters to come.

Author's Response: We are getting very close to the end. I am already working on the next one, covering the birth of the Potter children.

Thank you for the kind review!

Jet


 Report Review

Review #11, by clw87 CH 31: The Shrine at Shell Cottage, Lilly P/W

22nd May 2014:
I am really enjoying your story it is one of my favourites, and I look forward to the next chapters. please upload more soon.

Author's Response: Thank you. I have several more close to posting. It takes time working with my beta, and with a full time job and other things I do not always have time for writing/ We are getting close to the end of the story.

 Report Review

Review #12, by FriendofMolly CH 28 The Twin Towers

6th April 2014:
Jet,
This was a good review of who and what's been going on. I think if you had added anything more it would have been lost on those of us still stunned, 12 years later. On the other hand, it has whispers of what is to come. That is something to be excited about.
FoM

Author's Response: I made the choice when I started my story to tie it into real dates. One can argue if that was a good idea or a bad one, but I am trying to be true to that decision. I did not think that you could just gloss over September 11. Some years later there is an attack in Britain. I mention it as well.

I think the Wizarding world is more closely connected to the Muggle world than some Pure Blood families would like to believe.

Thank you for the review.

Jet


 Report Review

Review #13, by FriendofMolly Ch. 26 The Malfoy Wedding

29th March 2014:
Jet,
I am so glad this chapter has finally posted. The flow and content are just perfect. Even though Ginny reacted a bit selfishly about Harry having to be in Switzerland during the Quidditch Finals, I am thrilled that when she recognized that Harry needed her, she was right where she needed to be.
Bravo,
FoM

Author's Response: Ginny knows that Harry has to put his job first at times. Sometimes what our head knows and what our heart wants are two different things.

Jet


 Report Review

Review #14, by dtinch Ch. 25 The Spring of 2001

3rd February 2014:
great job sorry i havent reveiwed for a while but got caught up in another story and life got in the way as well but again great job and thanks for writing a good story and keep it up .

Author's Response: Sorry I haven's updated in a while. There are several chapters in the works, but my Beta and I am still working on them.

Thank you for the review.


 Report Review

Review #15, by Tycho165 Ch. 25 The Spring of 2001

23rd January 2014:
other than ginny's very annoying whining at the end it was very good. but i guess i could see being a little sister would make you very attention craving. Nice job!!!

Author's Response: She really wants to have Harry at her games, which is understandable. She is not handling it very well right now. Tougher separations are coming, but I hope to show Ginny doing her best to handle it.

Thank you for the nice review.

Jet


 Report Review

Review #16, by FriendofMolly Ch. 25 The Spring of 2001

22nd January 2014:
Jet,
How different this is from the first draft. It definitely flows a lot smoother, and opens a few possible plotlines. In every story, I find the urge to throw a Petrificus Totalus at someone. If I had two wands Carmella and Colorado would be my target candidates in this one. I understand Ginny's disappointment, but she is whining like a 14 year old. She can't be surprised when Harry gets pulled into a crime scene. She knew how he was when she married him. It's time for Harry to dig out his Omnioculars, so someone can record Ginny's matches. It's getting really good and mysterious, as there is so much that can happen.
FoM

Author's Response: It really helps having to rewrite something.

I'm working on having Ginny work hard on understanding Harry not being there. It's just hard to have such a fabulous sports season and then the most important person in your life is not there.

Thank you again for the review.

Jet


 Report Review

Review #17, by FriendofMolly CH 24 The Christmas of 2000

16th January 2014:
Jet,
You wrote a stupendous Christmas chapter. It was very sweet that you wrote of Harry and Ginny's plans of sharing their home with children who wouldn't have a Christmas. The simplicity of having the little ones make an ornament, was unique and beautiful. Thank you for sharing the first of many Christmas that Harry was able to participate in making it special for others.
Perfect,
FoM

Author's Response: Christmas and summer at the pond are going to be markers for the stories as the next generation gets older. Harry working the 23 and 24th is also going to play into some future chapters.

Please let me know when I fall short. Thank you for the review.

Ket


 Report Review

Review #18, by FriendofMolly Ch. 21 Ginny’s Head Injury and Hermione’s Promotion

15th January 2014:
Jet,
Never a dull moment in the Weasley Family. Narcissa may not have met the Toad, but surely she knew that Draco was the head of her Inquisitor Squad. I'm sorry that Ginny hurt herself, but it sounds like she put to end someone the MLE should have.
FoM

Author's Response: Ginny got a little carried away. Quidditch is in my mind a little like American Football or boxing, leaving too many of it's players injured. Her body is already a little battered, and it would be wise for her to be a little more careful.

Narcissa and Molly are important.

Thank you again for the review.

Jet


 Report Review

Review #19, by FriendofMolly Ch 20 Kreacher Reflects

13th January 2014:
Jet,
If only, if only. My heart breaks for Kreacher and Azalea. There is nothing worse than losing a child. In this case change brings pain, before the good. Harry certainly wouldn't want Azalea to endanger her health. Yet he is sadly unaware. Here's to better days.
FoM

Author's Response: You can see by the second inscription that Fletcher's life and death are bringing major changes to the Wizarding world. It is sad that it takes so much pain to bring this type of change.

Harry would be horrified if he knew Azalea is endangering her own life to fulfill Harry's off the cuff remark about having children. This story thread is not over.

Jet


 Report Review

Review #20, by FriendofMolly Ch. 18 Relatives

13th January 2014:
Jet,
This was a little bit trouble, but a lot more joy I have to agree that Tom and Bill's grandfather and father are the nastiest we've seen in a long time. They were only topped by the absolute most hated woman alive, Dolores Unhitched. I predict she will spend the last miserable days of her life screaming,"I was only doing my job". At least the family have their own private beach to relax on.
Bravo!
FoM

Author's Response: I think people will forgive big evil more easily than petty meanness that delights in hurting other people. Dolores and Vernon Dursley seem to differ only in degree, and it is hard to see anything good about either of them.
The cousins are going to love the beach.
Jet


 Report Review

Review #21, by FriendofMolly Ch. 16 Victoire has Red Hair!

13th January 2014:
Jet,
This keeps getting better and better. You are delving into the whys of House Elves. It's fascinating.
FoM

Author's Response: Thank you.

It is always interesting to me how different authors handle the next generation. Birth order is important. Victoria is portrayed many different ways.

It seemed to me that everyone had Dominique as a female, although the name could be male or female. So when I first started to write the story I tried to make her male. It didn't work. I find it fascinating that even an author only has so much control of their characters.

I hope I can keep the house elf story consistent and fascinating.

Jet


 Report Review

Review #22, by FriendofMolly Ch 15 Attacked by Guns!

12th January 2014:
Jet,
The final segment is the best. I think Donna learning to giggle is the first in a long line of good Motherhood lessons. Why a witch is fussed with a dirty dress? Does she not know Scourgify?
It was inevitable that guns would invade the magical community. It funny how the DE's willing adopt Muggle technology, when it does harm. This was breathtaking.
FoM

Author's Response: I am not sure how good Donna is at domestic spells, unlike Molly for example. Even if she does know Scourgify she may not take a messy dress lightly, especially if her mother was upset if Donna got dirty doing anything but playing Quidditch.

Donna has a long part to becoming a good mother, and it will not always be easy. I expect her own children would not be as timid at Tabitha, which would cause Donna to have to change parenting skills again.

Every child is different and ought to be parented differently.

Jet


 Report Review

Review #23, by FriendofMolly Ch. 22 The trial of Dolores Umbridge

12th January 2014:
Jet,
I could hear her screeching all the way. I think her hunger for power and tight standards for that power is what finally took the rest of her mind. She certainly was delusional when she stated that if given the Kiss she would become a Dementor. I can just imagine her in her cell, lecturing a
non-existent class about the wonders and noble purpose of working in a proper Ministry. It's unfortunate that she probably will never acknowledge what she did was wrong. It fits with the attitude of the DE's.
Well Done,
FoM

Author's Response: I have actually started on a little work set in the afterlife. Harry and Dumbledore confront an unrepentant Tom Riddle. It allows me to grant some salvation to unhappy people like Petunia, who should not be condemned to spending eternity next to Vernon. I don't see any salvation for Dolores, however.

Jet


 Report Review

Review #24, by FriendofMolly Ch. 23 Romeo and Juliet elves, Oh my!

12th January 2014:
Jet,
Such is the price for modernization coming to the Magical World. It just can't happen overnight. The ever-evolving change is exciting to read. I do want to point 1 thing to you. Your other Beta had put a correction as to the spelling of butterbeer. The correction is between two sets of **, instead of parenthesis's. You might want to remove it. I can't wait for the next chapter.
FoM

Author's Response: I looked for both * and ( in this chapter and couldn't find them. I think it is corrected now. Beer not bear.

Most of the long story has the evolving freeing of house elves in it.

Jet


 Report Review

Review #25, by FriendofMolly Ch. 14 Harry in China for Potions, then Reorganizing the Ministry

12th January 2014:
Jet,
You never cease to surprise me. Things are changing all over the Magical World. It's about time. Must go to the next.
FoM

Author's Response: Harry and Hermione are not the only people trying to change the magical world. In this ever changing world with more and more intrusive technology some groups of magical people have to be trying to deal with it and not just hide. I have the North American and Chinese in the lead, with Switzerland and some of the European countries right behind.

I portray Britain as behind the times, partly due to Riddle and some very conservative wizards. There are other parts of the world even more behind the times, however.

Jet


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>