Reading Reviews for The New Pride of Portree
65 Reviews Found

Review #1, by LightLeviosa5443 The Dreaded Ex

16th April 2014:
Hi again!

I'm with you Fitz. I don't know who Mariah Waldman is, or why she was in your past, or why you spent entire days with her five years ago, but I don't want her there either. Were they old team mates or are they exes? I want to know, but I don't. I'm being silly. Yup. Definitely exes. Ugh. Fitzie. I hate her already. THEY'RE DIVORCED? TALK ABOUT DROPPING A BOMBSHELL. WOAH. Hold on. I need a second to comprehend. Woah. Dude. Just woah. Mind blown. Seriously.

Ugh. I really dislike her. She's annoying me. Why is she so... Unnecessary. For lack of a better, nicer, term. Awe. Molly is SO sweet, asking him if he's alright. ACCEPT THE NICE ACT FITZ. Nope. Stubborn. Rude. I am so into this right now it's almost embarassing. Just kidding I don't get embarassed. YAY! OMG YAY! Molly is probably going to be captain, then? I'm so excited at just the idea. Okay. Focusing. Story. Still hate Mariah.

Clever girl. Clever, clever girl. I can't wait to see how this party unrolls. Yeah, not only does she keep the cabinet well-stocked, but well-organized too. I have the distinct feeling this party is going to turn from brilliant plan to terribly bad very very quickly. Ugh. I feel like Mariah should be a little less dislikeable right now, but I just don't like her. At all. She's evil. Though I kind of categorized her as evil before she even was truly introduced. Probably not fair. Don't care. (hey, I rhymed...)

Woah. It wasn't disasterous at all. It was brilliant. Beautifully manuevered. (spelling that word was a manuever.) Your characterization in this is so wonderful. I love the voice all of the characters have, and the way Molly thinks and the flow and just everything. I'm loving this so so so so so much!! How did he know?! How. Just how?! What even? Smart guy that Fitz. I like him more and more.

I love that Molly is so observant, and Fitz is surprised by it. With everything he's encountered with Molly you would expect that he would expect her to have observed the way she acts and the kind of person she is. But it was great that she had that element of awesome surprise. Butterflies! We love butterflies! Oh this is so exciting!! What a wonderful wonderful wonderful chapter.

I'm in love with this story. How am I ever supposed to stop reading it?!

xoxo Sarah ♥

 Report Review

Review #2, by LightLeviosa5443 The New Lineup

15th April 2014:
Hi again! (because what's a review without a proper greeting?)

This just gets better and better. I think I'm just going to keep reviewing the same way I did last time, because there's absolutely zero CC I have for this wonderful wonderful story. Plus, I think I love it too much to catch anything wrong, anyway. And it's an excuse to read it twice. ;)

Before I even start commenting on the story, I just want to mention that I love your use of minor next-gen characters. I'm guilty of not using enough of them, and I love that this wonderful wonderful story is featuring some. Okay. Story, right. That thing I'm supposed to be reviewing. I love that Roxanne in the beginning is making sure that Molly is doing what she wants to do. I'm really enjoying this loving, cousinly relationship between the two, and it's nice to see that Molly isn't hated. I also really really love that she's not helping, at all. Just watching Molly pack. So cute, that Lucy married the guy Roxanne wanted to marry, and Roxanne married his best friend, I feel like that happens a lot to people I know. So perfect.

Oh gosh. Laughing SO hard at the liquor comment. Priceless priceless priceless. Molly has a rational side, and I love it. I love that she's the Molly I've always imagined (head girl, prefect, etc etc), but she's also this quidditch loving, weird enthusiast who gets along with some of her cousins. Your characterization is just so lovely.

Ex-harpy but still mohawked. Perfect description. I love that he called her pretty. Or thought she was pretty. Whatever, you get what I mean! Oh, I just assumed that she got the captain position. I didn't think she had to earn it. That makes sense though, duh, people have to earn things. I'm interested in seeing how this goes down.

Awe, I wanted to hurt him when he got mad at her and yelled at her. But now that he's shown he's insecure and feels inadequate I just want to go give him a monster hug. And tell him to love Molly forever, but that's getting ahead of the story. (and I have no idea if that's even where you intend on going with it.) I am so nervous that he's NOT going to make her team captain. That would just be so upsetting and heart breaking!!

Ugh. I'm inlove with the potential ship here. I love the way both Molly and Fitz thing. They're both so sassy and stubborn and determined. I think it's great, I'm loving this dynamic, even if right now it seems like they're going to potentially kill each other. A real conversation? Oh man, I don't know if my heart can handle this. OH WAIT THE RESERVES ARE COMING IN TODAY AND THAT MEANS THAT THE GIRL HE DOESNT WANT BACK IN HIS LIFE WILL BE THERE. I'M AFRAID.

I was waiting for that argument. I knew a conversation was too good to be true. I'm still afraid for that girl to show up. And I'm determined that Molly and Fitz will be a thing (Mitz, Folly?) I'm also holding my breath and praying that Molly gets Captain and that Fitz doesn't not make her captain purely because he dislikes her. Because that would be evil and mean and I'd probably cry. Okay, maybe not cry... Probably.

Lovely chapter. Again.

xoxo LL ♥

 Report Review

Review #3, by LightLeviosa5443 The Harpy With the Mohawk

15th April 2014:
Hi WTM!! ♥

I always see you posting about Pride of Portree so I decided to finally come read it and oh my merlin am I so glad that I did. This story is so wonderful!!! I don't even know where to start with this review. I think I'm just going to re-read it and comment as I go along!

I love the way you've described Molly, that you CHOSE Molly!! I love the way she dresses, and acts and thinks. I love how she rationalizes things, and I am in love with the way she's confident but yet it feels like maybe she's not at the same time. I'm just in love with her so far. Plus, that mohawk is genius. I have a feeling this meeting is going to be great. Um, yes. Haha, trying to stay calm. I'd totally fangirl. No shame. I love that McCormack asked if she'd dye her hair. So great. I'm so happy that Molly is going to be Captain too. Oh I'm so excited about this story already.

I love Fitz. I'm so anxious to see how his relationship with Molly develops. I can tell from the way he's speaking and talking that he's going to be tough on the whole team. But part of me is wondering if he'll be even tougher (is that a word?) or nicer to Molly. I'm also curious about what's going on with Mariah Waldman. Did they date? Is this going to be a love triangle thing? I feel like I've been missing out not reading this sooner. Wait. Maybe reading the genre's of this will help me figure it out. I don't know. I'm babbling.

I love this story. Excuse me while I review every chapter. (because what's studying for class?)

xoxo Sarah ♥

Huffleclaw-Ravenpuff Eggstravaganza

 Report Review

Review #4, by StoryWebber A Fine Line

11th April 2014:
Really nice!
But are you going to continue it?
It's already in the top stories, anyhow!

Author's Response: Yes, I'm still writing. Don't worry, I never leave a story unfinished. Thanks for reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #5, by Hope's Mom A Fine Line

23rd March 2014:
A three hour blind walk? Ugh! NO wonder they are in a hurry to visit the pub! The team seems to be uniting in their dislike of the retreat activities if nothing else! Thank you for the update.

Author's Response: She was totally punishing them with that one. Horrible! It's certainly giving them some teamwork, if not in the way she thought. Working against her as one! Thanks for reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #6, by Jen A Fine Line

23rd March 2014:
Loved it. I have such a distinct impression in my mind of what Fitz looks like... :P

Author's Response: Yay! I'm glad you're enjoying the story. I hope your mental picture of Fitz is similar to mine ;)

 Report Review

Review #7, by fangirlfanatic A Sabotaged Sorceress

23rd February 2014:
I love this story. I've read tons of fanfiction (can't write it) but yours is prob the best I've seen. The characters are believable like the weasleys who still carry around the humor but only a bit of stupidity. Also you make each cousin their own character but you can tell they're their own person. I'm already shipping Molly and Fitz :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad you're enjoying the story and my take on the Next Gen Weasleys. I'm always happy to hear that :) Thanks for reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #8, by HGD A Sabotaged Sorceress

16th February 2014:
Yay! You updated, that was not exactly how I expected it to turn out.IT WAS WAY BETTER! I hope you update again soon!

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm still working on chapter 9, hopefully it'll be ready sometime this week!

 Report Review

Review #9, by Penelope Inkwell A Sabotaged Sorceress

11th February 2014:
Yay! The team is getting along. For now. I like it! They have potential! (I bet McCormack knows how awful this place is, doesnít she? That she planned for them to bond this way? Just a guess, but she seems the type).

And I cracked up at all their rebellions. Itís exactly the sort of thing I always want to do at ďretreatĒ-type things (and yes, Iíve been on a few, though thankfully I havenít had to guide someone blindfolded since, like, middle school P.E. class).
Portree, you are our team--the team of snarky people everywhere.

Molly and Fitz, Molly and Fitz! I want them to be together. I possibly want it even more than they do, and they really seem to be beginning to want it. Loved the distance game, by the way. Hello, sexual tension ;)

I find it kind of funny that, of all the team members, Mollyís only ally at present is Jinks. You wouldnít think people with such opposite personalities would get along very well, but I like that those two do. Jinks is probably my favorite of Mollyís teammates, so Iím glad to see him get more screen time, so to speak.

And those last lines. ďOs that yer girl?Ē and ďNo, sheís not mine.Ē Agh! *Gargle/Flail of...of...Iím not even sure. Just, erm, general flailing*

Do you see what this is doing to me? Iím usually a bit more composed, you know.

Loved the new chapter. This fic always makes me smile. Itís quite well-written, and the characterization is excellent. Iíll be eagerly awaiting the next update (not to rush you, or anything. Just enjoying it).

Thanks for another great read!


Author's Response: She does seem that kind of type, doesn't she? McCormack's a smart cookie.

Portree is full of snark. And their rebellions were cracking me up when I wrote them, so I'm glad you liked them - they're pretty rotten, aren't they? I kind of feel sorry for Lefoque. She's used to corporate wizards and witches who go along with this sort of thing willingly.

When I was researching team-building activities for the retreat, I found the distance game and thought "Oh yeah." Perfect for sexual tension! I ship Molly/Fitz too.

Jinks is the sort of person who sees the bird's eye view of life. It suits him as Seeker, really. So he gets that it wasn't Molly's fault they lost the game, or even Fitz's fault. And he doesn't hold grudges. Eventually the rest of the team will come around to his point of view.

Flailing for sure! I'm so pleased that you enjoyed this chapter. I'm still working on chapter 10, will hopefully have it finished soon. I've had a lot going on lately and haven't had as much time to devote to writing.

Thank you so much for the review!

 Report Review

Review #10, by missdagane A Sabotaged Sorceress

11th February 2014:
I loved the chapter. It seems indeed pretty stupid, to do this things but it seems to help... Can't wait for the next chapter :)

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! Trust exercises have always seemed incredibly stupid to me too. Thanks for reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #11, by Hope's Mom A Sabotaged Sorceress

8th February 2014:
I have been to several of these type of retreats. They usually end up as painfully awkward experiences. The Pride players at least seem to be bonding over the ridiculousness of the activities. Molly and Fitz are in an unfortunate situation. It's fun to see them dance around each other. Thank you for the new chapter!

Author's Response: Super awkward! I hate those kind of things. I don't even like introducing myself in front of groups, though. Apparently some people love this stuff. Different strokes and all. Thanks for reviewing, I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter!

 Report Review

Review #12, by evil little devil A Sabotaged Sorceress

7th February 2014:
This was a fun chapter! And Molly's right, it does seem to be working - even if they are only uniting in opposition. Better than nothing though, right? This was a really lovely chapter to read, the humour was fantastic. I'm really looking forward to seeing what happens next at the retreat.

Author's Response: Yeah, it's sort of backfiring in a positive way haha. Instead of the activities making them bond, their disdain for the activities is bringing them together. But hey, whatever works! Thanks so much for the review!

 Report Review

Review #13, by Haronione A Pack of Wild Dogs

17th January 2014:
Hello again :) here for the last of the (belated) SS reviews!

Ah, the morning after the night before. Fitz's thoughts about the kiss were great, I loved how he was hoping his memories were real and how he could picture the kiss so vividly :) Gah, why do they have to both be so sensible about it though, trying to keep it professional for the sake of the team? They'll come to their senses eventually I'm sure - their feelings for each other are evidently becoming stronger and soon they won't be able to hold them back (I'm hoping anyway ;) *hinthint*

So that game went slightly better than the last one, but I'm glad you didn't make them suddenly win - that would have been quite unbelievable! So yay! Poor Molly getting injured, but staying on despite the pain seemed like something Molly would do. I liked how Fitz was concerned about her after she was hit, and that look made it obvious he wasn't just worried about the game!

Okay, so I was very wrong when I thought that the team would be better together after the heat had died down for the argument - it made them worse! But, I guess it has to get worse before it gets better, right? I'm sure a week at the Silver Skies Sorcerer's retreat will do them a world of good. And it will be a great place for a bit more flirting between Molly and Fitz ;)

I did notice one typo in this chapter, the team immediately stated grumbling under their breath should be 'started' - I only mention it because it stood out to me (and also, it's been 7 chapters and all I've done is gush ♥ with no hint of being constructive or helpful!)

Once again this was a great chapter and I'm now a bit sad that I have reached the last of the posted chapters :( I have really enjoyed reading this, and I am so glad that I got you as my SS giftee - as I got to discover this story, which is now going in to my favourites list :D It is written brilliantly with vivid, well balanced descriptions and wonderful character interactions. You have really brought life to your characters and I now feel quite invested in them, wanting to read more about them (and of course see a happy ending for them both ;)). Thank you for such an enjoyable read, I will most definitely be looking out for more updates!

Haronione ♥

Author's Response: Ack I'm so embarrassed I took so long to respond to this.

They are both way too sensible! They need to jump each other. Think how much happier they'd be. Until they got caught out by McCormack, that is.

There was no way they were going to win, short of playing the Cannons (and wouldn't that have been embarrassing, if they'd lost to the Cannons?). With no reserve Keeper, Molly would never leave the team - she'd play through any injury. Way too dedicated! Fitz understands better than most about injuries, and he was definitely worried about more than just the game ;)

Things will start looking up eventually. And it does open up new possibilities for Molly and Fitz to be inescapably near each other.

Thanks for pointing that out! I hate when I mistype. I've been writing this part on my laptop and part on my iPad, and my iPad sometimes autocorrects (even with correctly spelled words!) to words it thinks I meant, which is very annoying. I keep finding them and going "What the heck?"

Well, I hope you've continued with the story now since I've posted a few more chapters. I'm working on the next one now. I'm so glad you were my Secret Santa-claws! Thanks for all the wonderful reviews, I really appreciated them and loved hearing your thoughts on the story.

 Report Review

Review #14, by Haronione Magpies and Mistakes

17th January 2014:
Sorry, this review will be a bit shorter than usual, mainly because I don't have much to say other than I loved it!!

Usually I remark on things in the order they came in the fic, but I am far too happy that they finally kissed that I just have to mention that first! Yay, just yay :D You wrote that scene superbly and I could see it in my mind perfectly! But why did Molly have to go all 'professional' and pull away?! Gah! It wasn't just the kiss that made me happy, it was the whole of that scene with Fitz opening up to Molly and being honest about his feelings, and the interaction between them during the whole scene was fantastic.

I also really enjoyed the scene at the party. I really enjoyed Fitz's little inner monologues and thoughts, they were great. And the line about the underwear cracked me up :) Molly must have known what she was doing when she said that to him, the little tease! I look forward to more flirting between them :)

I felt you wrote the game really well. I am not a big fan of reading in depth Quidditch games and was worried that this chapter was going to be focused mainly on the actual game. Personally I thought you spent just the right amount of time on the game, giving enough information for readers to see how the game went but without going into a pass by pass commentary of it (which can sometimes be a bit dull, I think). And yay for Molly's purple and gold hair :D it was about time she got in the spirit of the team! Back to the game - obviously it did not go well, but that was to be expected. Although they argued after the game and the team spirit and morale was rather low, I think this loss will do the team good and once the heat has died down will bring them all closer together - after all, the game managed to bring Molly and Fitz closer together (in a different way) I am excited to see the fall out of the game, the argument/team divide and, obviously, that kiss!!

Great chapter, as always. See you at the next one!

Haronione ♥

P.s - guess I had slightly more to say than I thought ;)

Author's Response: lol - yay, I'm glad you liked the kiss! I loved writing that. It makes me happy to hear people shipping it :D Oh but it couldn't be that easy! Of course alcohol-fueled actions lead to hangover-fueled regrets.

She absolutely knew what she was doing. Punishing him for snooping around her room, that's what. ;)

Oof, Quidditch scenes kill me. I'm sort of glad Molly is Keeper, because it's an easier position for me to understand and write. I make myself do Quidditch and action scenes cause they're hard to write. Anyway. Yes, she's got Prides colors in her hair now: she deliberately waited until the first game to do it. Shame about the game, but they were never going to win with a brand-new lineup of not-star players, you know? Net benefit though of having Molly and Fitz drowning their sorrows together at the bar though!

Thanks so much for reviewing! I love hearing your thoughts on the story as it progresses. √ʬô¬•

 Report Review

Review #15, by Haronione Drills and Defense

16th January 2014:
Hello, me again :)

I think this may be my favourite chapter so far! I really enjoyed the interaction between Fitz and Max, it was like the male version of the relationship/interaction between Molly and Lucy. It made me really happy that Fitz admitted he was attracted to Molly!! Yay! More progress in the romance department! Even if he tried to deny it at first! How could he deny it though when Molly had made him nearly forget the troublesome ex-wife? I loved how he went into such detail when thinking about Molly, he has obviously been paying her a lot of attention!

Ha, obviously Fitz wouldn't take Molly's interference with training well! His reaction and the argument between him and Molly was great - they needed to clear the air and get rid of some the tension.

Gah, for a split second I thought Fitz was going in to see McCormack to resign, but then breathed a sigh of relief when he said 'you wanted to see me' but then I started worrying she was going to sack him! But neither happened, and for tht I am glad :) I'm also glad that his little chat with McCormack made him see reason about Molly and her attempts to help with training!

Gah!! I really thought they were going to kiss then! I love their interactions away from work :) you really build up the tension between them well and believably! I have a feeling there may be a few more of these little incidents before they actually kiss (for I am sure they will, and I'm looking forward to that)

Another great chapter and I can't wait to see how the match with the Magpies goes! I'm guessing it won't go too well!

Haronione ♥

Author's Response: Hi again!

I'm pretty fond of Max, so I'm glad to hear you liked him. And of course Fitz is paying very close attention ;) he just hates to admit it, even to his good buddy.

Oh no, he was definitely not going to take that well. Completely losing his head is more like it. He's touchy and has a temper. But, fortunately Molly's not the type to put up with that.

McCormack's got more faith in him than he has in himself at this point. And, of course there's the fact that experienced Quidditch coaches aren't exactly thick on the ground, so replacing him wouldn't be easy to do. At least McCormack can knock some sense into him!

Yay sexual tension! Good, I'm glad it's coming out well - it's fun to write, and it's nice to hear it's translating out of my head ;)

Thanks so much for reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #16, by Haronione Flight and Family

16th January 2014:
Hello again, momotwins, it's you (not so) Secret Santa finally back with another review :) I apologise I did not get all the reviews to you sooner, but life became a bit manic! I will get all the reviews you were promised done and I plan to follow this story as more is posted :D

Anyway, on with the review! As always, this was brilliantly written and a thoroughly good read :) Ha, I loved that his Healer was Hugo Weasley! And the line 'Good God. Every time he turned around, there was a Weasley. There must be hundreds of them.' cracked me up! His thoughts about there being hundreds of them probably wasn't too far off the truth :P heehee. I can understand why he would be dubious about letting Molly's cousin treat him, even if, as a Healer, Hugo would be bound to confidentially, I would probably be the same. I am interested to see where Hugo's research into Fitz's injury leads! Fitz really is touchy about his injury isn't he (which is understandable considering it is a life changing one), does he learn to deal with this eventually?

Ah, I knew as soon as Fitz was heading to the pitch with his broom that Molly would be there - well, I actually thought she would turn up while he was flying, which wasn't far off the mark as she did spy on him flying! His reaction to her being there was great and I loved that when he was so angry he was cursing his shoulder, the team, his ex-wife and then eventually Molly, with the added detail of her tight trousers :) it was a great touch! Already I want them to just recognise and admit that they like each other! As I said in the last review, they need to see each other away from work and quidditch and just learn to accept that mutual attraction :D

I really loved the scene between Molly and Lucy, it was really lovely, they were just so relaxed and comfortable together. And I loved that Molly admitted to Lucy that she was attracted to Fitz, that's a step forward ;) and also that she defended him when Lucy infers that he is stupid :)

Actually I loved the whole scene at Percy's house. I really liked your portrayal of Percy. He was still the slightly pompous character we saw in the books but he was also loving and caring and family orientated. I don't usually have much time for Percy as he is often portrayed much as he is in the books when he is younger, but I actually like your Percy :)

I look forward to seeing whether Molly does start ignoring Fitz's drills and just doing her own and seeing how Fitz reacts to that! I think that will be rather interesting :)

Great chapter! See you at the next one!

Haronione ♥

Author's Response: Hi there! That's totally okay, because it turned out to take me months to respond to them (I'm sorry!).

Hugo finished his Healer licensure! He was a trainee Healer in the Rose stories, so now he's fully qualified and working in sports medicine ;) When he was a training, he was studying spell damage and injuries, which is pretty good crossover for Quidditch, I thought. There are a lot of Weasleys around, aren't there? ;) Fitz is very touchy about it. We'll see where that goes - I hate to give away plot points.

Poor Fitz, he's got a lot of bottled-up rage over his injury and very few opportunities to vent it. He needs a friend. I enjoyed writing his cursing everyone and everything under the sun there, especially Molly's tight trousers, so I'm glad you liked that ;)

I like writing the sister scenes. I've got more Lucy/Hilarion appearances planned. Percy I think will always be pompous, but as an adult I think he's a well-meaning guy. His heart is in the right place - I think he learned his lesson in the war days. And he does love his family. Molly is sort of the apple of his eye.

Thanks so much for reviewing! It really means a lot to me :)

 Report Review

Review #17, by L. Dunn A Pack of Wild Dogs

9th January 2014:
Love what you've written so far; can't wait to see what happens at the retreat. You 've done a wonderful job on your characters; can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm working on finishing up chapter 9 this week.

 Report Review

Review #18, by QkStephen The New Lineup

4th January 2014:
I like it. your style is intruiging

Author's Response: Thanks very much! :)

 Report Review

Review #19, by Bigfan A Pack of Wild Dogs

2nd January 2014:
Very nice little spin there at the end! I really hope the team can pull together after this! Please update soon and I hope you have a comeback planned out for the team. Sorry that I haven't been reviewing, I don't do it very often because I'm just too into the plot. Oh and I've read most of your other stories and I think you're a great writer, I sincerely hope that you will continue! Also if you hadn't already planned for it, a rematch against the Magpies would be really cool after the Prides have pulled it together.

Author's Response: I don't want to spoil the plot so I'm going to keep my lips zipped about a comeback possibility ;) It's okay about not reviewing every chapter, I totally understand. I'm glad you were into it! I'm still in progress with chapter 8, hoping to have it up next week. Now that I will say - yes, they will play the Magpies again later in the season. Thanks for reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #20, by Bigfan The Harpy With the Mohawk

30th December 2013:
This looks like it will be very interesting! I hope you are a frequent updater because I happen to be slightly obsessive and impatient when it comes to great stories and this one looks very promising!

Author's Response: I try to update regularly - sometimes it gets away from me. But I am compulsive about finishing stories, so no fears - it will get done. :) Thank you for reviewing! I'm glad you liked it so far.

 Report Review

Review #21, by CambAngst Flight and Family

25th December 2013:
Hello, again!

He might make her skin tingle when he touched her, but he was pricklier than a knarl and she did not have time right now for a high-maintenance man. -- Sorry to start off with the very last line of the chapter, but I absolutely loved it. There's something about taking a well-worn, gender-based stereotype and turning it on its ear that always makes for a snappy one-liner. Excellent ending.

Back to the beginning, I enjoyed seeing some of what Fitz is dealing with in his life. Living with chronic pain can do horrible things to a person's mindset, even without any other problems weighing them down. The physical descriptions of his injuries helped to give things even more gravity. Sounds like it was a pretty gruesome injury. Then you layer on the bitterness of having a job where he was to spend so much time around people doing something that he used to love and isn't able to do any more. It's not a recipe for a happy, well-adjusted person. The confrontation with Molly on the pitch said a lot. He finds one of his star players getting in extra practice on her own time. He should be thrilled. Instead, he can't keep himself from being rude to her. I hope for his sake that something comes of Hugo's desire to help him. Otherwise, he's on a very self-destructive course.

For her part, I liked that Molly seemed more intrigued than offended by his boorish behavior. She's a sharp cookie, always analyzing other people's behavior and trying to figure out what's going on underneath their facades. She nails it with Fitz. He's such a basket case at this point. Back to my original praise for your closing line. High maintenance.

I love what you've done with Molly's family. I always have a strange fascination with how authors write Audrey when she appears in a story, because I find that it tells you everything you need to know about how the author thinks of Percy. You went with the warm, loving, slightly put-upon wife and mother. That always suggests to me that you envision Percy as lovable and well-meaning but slightly goofy. A more high-strung and ambitious version of his father. The alternative is the more aloof, social-climbing office politician Percy, which usually translates into Audrey being cool and a bit snotty. I like your version better, for what it's worth. Lucy seems pretty down-to-earth, as well. And her husband seems like a salt-of-the-earth kind of guy. Overall, a very likable bunch.

I'm glad that Molly has arrived at a more proactive stance with regard to her team. Something is going to have to shake Fitz out of this torpor that he's mired in, and Molly seems like the woman for the job. Doesn't hurt that the two of them are hot for one another.

I can't believe I'm getting to say this, but I actually found a typo:

She had them all snowed into believing a winning season was imminent when it was far from a certainty that they'd win even won game. -- "... win one game." I feel like I just landed a picture of a Yeti or the Loch Ness Monster. Typos in WTM's stories were rumored to exist, but reputable experts were skeptical...

Great job. You have a very enjoyable cast of characters here and I'm excited to see where you take them next.

Author's Response: Flipping gender stereotypes is fun, isn't it? Molly has no patience for high-maintenance people. Drama she can put up with, cause everyone she's related to is ridiculous in some way. ha.

Chronic pain really is a horrible thing to live with - Fitz not only has the pain weighing him down, but it serves as a constant reminder of what he lost. The scars are a bit gruesome - he got hit pretty bad. Recipe for being badly-adjusted for sure!

Molly's very smart - like her dad. Lots of book smarts, but more people smarts than Percy had. She does like analyze other people quite often. "Basket case" made me laugh - he kind of is!

I like your thinking about Audrey. I've noticed that sort of polarity in how she's portrayed - either she's a snotty social-climber or she's sort of put-upon and kind. I like the put-upon nice lady version better, and probably that is because I think Percy saw the error of his ways in the end. And Lucy and her hubby are pretty down-to-earth, yeah. Hilarion, for all he's famous and gorgeous, is not the sharpest crayon in the shed, but he loves his wife. Molly likes him well enough as a brother. ;)

A typo! I do make them. I usually catch 99% of them in edits and re-reads, but sometimes I miss them. Ah well. Thanks for letting me know! I fixed it.

Thanks so much for reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #22, by missdagane A Pack of Wild Dogs

21st December 2013:
loved it. As usual your chapter is amazing . Can't wait to see this lot in the retreat :-)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! Oh yeah, this group in close proximity doing trust falls? hahaha...

 Report Review

Review #23, by Secret Santa-Claw The Dreaded Ex

18th December 2013:
Secret Santa-Claw has been a bit slack, she left one of your reviews at the bottom of her sack!! It was buried under a pile of other goodies ;) Apologies, this should have got to you yesterday!

Without further ado, on with the review :) (Sorry, i shall stop with the rhyming now... maybe) I loved this chapter even more than the previous two! It was full of backstory whilst moving the plot forward beautifully :)

I really liked the opening scene of this chapter, with Fitz practically dragging Jinks to the practice session :D I think that's what my manager would like to do to me, hehe! I like Jinks, he's an amusing character, I hope we see more of him :) The interaction between Jinks and Fitz was great, it really tickled me. I also liked how testy Fitz was each time Jinks teased him about Molly, and I don't think he reacted that way just because he finds her a bit annoying ;)

Gah!! I loved how you had Fitz thinking he'd let Molly deal with Mariah ad then Molly thinking the exact same thing :) I'm not keen on Mariah, I hope Molly does sort her out! The way Molly deals with her at the party was great - I don't think she'll continue being miss nice with her though, I can see Mariah being a huge antagonist here and I can't see Molly standing for it!

Aw, I felt a bit sad for Fitz towards the end when he says 'I don't have anything else to do' :( I hope Mariah doesn't drive him away from his coaching - she strikes me as the sort of person who would get pleasure out of it if she did though.

Squee!! I loved the ending of this chapter :D Fitz and Molly get on so much better out of work - I think they should meet up out of work more often! I'm looking forward to seeing them have that drink they rain-checked on! I do love a bit of romance and I'm rooting for those two to provide some here!!

Another fantabulous chapter :)

- Secret Santa-Claw ♥

Author's Response: I'm so embarrassed that it took me so long to get my act together and respond. So, thank you so much for being my Secret Santa-Claw, I really appreciated the kind reviews. I'm glad you're liking the story.

Jinks needs to be bodily dragged to any sort of responsibility, except games. He's in it for the glory haha. I like Jinks too, so he'll continue to get screen time.

Mariah's pretty annoying, isn't she? Molly does make a good attempt at sorting her out, though. ;)

Fitz is sort of pathetic sometimes, poor guy. His life went in the crapper and he's still trying to figure things out. Mariah probably would like driving him off, yeah.

I'm a sucker for romance, so... Romance is the main point here! lol. Thanks so much for reviewing! *hugs*

 Report Review

Review #24, by CambAngst The Dreaded Ex

17th December 2013:
Hello, again! I see you've been really busy since the last time I stopped by for a read.

Life doesn't seem to be getting any better for Fitz. It was smart of him to go drag Jinks out of bed. That was one of the few things he's done so far that suggests a real capacity to take charge. But it seems like mostly just so he can beat Molly to work. Somebody seems to be feeling a bit challenged.

Then comes Mariah, and he has every reason to feel challenged. She's quite a piece of work. Not exactly openly defying him, but it's almost as though she just wants to show that she can still affect him with her flirting and pouting. I hope there's more to what's going on here than what I see at first blush. She could be a very interesting antagonist for Fitz and/or Molly.

I have to say, I really like Molly's approach to dealing with the problem. Those Weasley genes are coming through strong. I loved the scene you set up in her apartment. It's like a combination of a gathering at the Burrow and a drunken college party. Shading more toward the latter as time goes on...

At least Mariah didn't seem at all defensive about Molly questioning her. She seemed rather passive about the whole thing, to be honest. Almost like, "Oh, really, that might cause problems for me and for the team? Well, then, I guess I should knock it off." Like I said, I really hope there's more to her, because this would be way too easy.

Ooh! I though there might be a touch of romantic tension emerging between Molly and her coach. From Molly's point of view, in particular, it seems that Fitz is able to get her heart beating just a bit faster. If Mariah likes the idea that she can still get under Fitz's skin, this isn't going to play well at all...

As with every chapter, your writing was superb. Everything flows really well and you have a real knack for capturing the little personality quirks of your characters and drawing them out through their private thoughts. You're excellent at writing all of the little "tangents" that people have with their internal monologues. It's light and fun to read and it makes it really easy to connect with the characters.

Back again soon!

Author's Response: Not as busy as I should have been! I need to get my butt in gear and finish chapter 8.

Fitz is feeling a bit challenged ;) He doesn't quite know how to be in charge. Really ought to work that out.

Molly's quite the Weasley. She deals with people in roundabout ways. I think that's a Weasley trait - Arthur smooths the way for others so they'll smooth the way for him. Molly's good at seeing people's motivations and using them. Mariah thought Molly was a dispassionate observer - and she's not too smart, so she's easily manipulated. But - spoilers - it won't last.

Molly loves to throw parties and play hostess. Dominique inherited that particular gene too, but being Dominique, her parties are pretentious and catered and sedate, and Molly's parties involve a lot of alcohol and gambling and are more likely to end in the police turning up ;)

Ah yes, romantic tension happening there. You know I'm a romance author! I love to write people falling in love. So while this is a Quidditch story... it's a Quidditch romance.

Thank you so much for the compliments on my writing! That really made my day. :D

 Report Review

Review #25, by Secret Santa-Claw The New Lineup

17th December 2013:
Good tidings, momotwins :) Secret Santa-Claw back with another Yuletide review!

I'm loving your portrayal of Molly Weasley even more after this chapter. I saw more and more of Percy in her here - being so organised, punctual, particular and bossy... But I find her far more likeable than I found her father in the books :) I confess, I was a bit disappointed she had changed her hair back to it's natural red though, I was hoping she'd have made it purple (my favourite colour ;) if I was magical I'm sure I'd have supported the Prides just for their colour scheme hehe)

Hee, I really liked the interaction between Molly and Roxanne in the opening scene, it had me giggling :) I love that you have made the two of them close; in a short space you have portrayed a really strong relationship between them which is extra nice because I've only really seen Molly in fanfic as an outsider of the family. So, in my opinion, it is a refreshing take on the character.

Already we've got some of the backstory on Fitz :) yay! When I mentioned it in the last review I did not expect to see it so soon, I thought I'd be kept waiting. And the snippet of Roxanne's back story has made me want to read the Midnight Run trilogy :D *adds stories to her reading list* I'll finish what's up of this first though!

Going back to Molly, I loved that she was not impressed by Coach Slapdash - of course someone so organised would be less than enamoured by someone so unorganised and unprepared! The way she acted with him was great. I felt for Fitz in this chapter though; he is trying to find his feet and become established in his new role and then he has Molly trying to immediately take over and other team members being recalcitrant (that is a great word by the way, I had to look it up but now I have a new word in my vocabulary - which is always good ;)) that can not be easy for him!

This was another great chapter and I look forward to reading on :)

- Secret Santa-Claw ♥

Author's Response: Hi again! :) She really is a lot like Percy. Not a clone, but a lot of similarity. Her sister is much less so. And don't worry, the purple will make an appearance. She's removed the Harpies green but isn't totally sold on Prides purple yet.

Molly and Roxanne, in my Next Gen world, are BFFs, so in "Sparks" and the Midnight Run stories, they had a few scenes of their mutual-teasing sort of relationship. Molly is quite busy with her career but is close with her cousins - they're a tight-knit bunch in my version. Lucy's more of a loner, actually. After Victoire (as the eldest of the grandchildren and a natural earth mother type), Molly is the default leader of the group - it's in her nature to take charge.

Anyway, yes some of his backstory appears! Roxanne's backstory is only a little bit in the first two Midnight Run novels (brief mention in JAMR, and a few scenes in AWSOM), and mostly it's "Sparks". It's Roxanne's and Lucy's story.

Nope, Molly's obsessive need for order does not leave room for being impressed by Coach Slapdash. And he, being a fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants person by nature, is not impressed with Molly's OCD organization or her urges to be in charge of everything.

Thank you so much for the review! I'm really glad to hear you liked these chapters, and I hope you like the rest! If you get a chance to finish reading, I'd love to hear what you think of the rest of the story. :)

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>