Reading Reviews for Blood Ties
  
10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MissesWeasley123 A Step Further

7th March 2014:
Hey there! I managed to come back for the next chapter, a million years later, mind! :P

So, I'd like to applaud you once again for your characterization of Tonks! Everything about her is amazing, and playful even though the story is rather a dark one. I truly felt for Andromeda though. Tonks was really relatable. That one child who doesn't treat her mum as nicely. And it's like we know we should be nice to our mums, we can't help it y'know. I'd also like to commend you on how for nearly four paragraphs (probably more) you used absolutely no dialogue! Wow. That's hard. Your description is so nice and I love it loads. Everything is always so real and adds to the story.

Ohhh her reading Bellatrix's file was SO scary! And good may I add! Her actions are really thickening the plot, and again this story has so much potential! When Moody came along... *shiver* I think you wrote him so well! And I wonder if he knows what she's doing... Because he is Moody after all!

All in all, a really well written chapter! I think you're doing great and definitely shouldn't give up on this :) it's definitely worth reading! Great work!

Blackout 9/15

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Review #2, by CambAngst A Step Further

17th December 2013:
HI, Roxi!

It seems like burning the candle at both ends is really taking its toll on Tonks. And it's definitely sad to see her so at odds with her mother. At the same time, I can totally see where Andromeda is coming from. I can't imagine how much it must have hurt her to be banished from the family that she grew up in, and I'm sure that Bellatrix was a strong proponent of kicking her out. The sense of betrayal, especially for a proud daughter of an old family, had to be terrible. It's no wonder Andromeda doesn't even want to discuss it.

I like the way that you're building up your justifications for what Tonks is about to do. The nightmares and the physical effects of the trauma she suffered while fighting her aunt seem to put her in a state where she's desperate for some sort of closure. In her mind, understanding more about the monster will help with that. Maybe she's right, although it feels like a dangerous path to pursue.

I liked your descriptions of Mr. Atkins. He added just a bit of levity to an otherwise very heavy chapter.

I think my main suggestion for you would be to expand and enhance the section where Tonks is reading Bellatrix's file. Bellatrix is a terrifying, dangerous, violent and unstable person. I felt like you mostly passed on an opportunity to draw out a lot of things by showing some of her terrible deeds and exploring Tonks's reaction to them.

I'm really curious to see how Moody reacts to finding her reading the file. He might commend her for trying to understand their target better or he might see through her and wonder why she's developed the sudden fascination with her mad aunt.

Overall, this was well written. I didn't see any typos or grammatical problems. Nice job!

Author's Response: Hey Dan! You are so very lovely for reviewing my chapters. I cherish your thoughts very very much :)

I am trying my best to portray the conflict between mother and daughter as accurately and human as possible, because there is no 'who's right or wrong' here. As the writer, I am able to be a part of both Tonks and Andromeda's perspective and it's indeed a very sad situation they're both in. I can empathize with Tonks because all of her life she has been raised in a family where truth, honesty and family love has been above anything else. And to all of a sudden lose all of this, I find it very confusing. Her value system is upside down at the moment, which is where Bella will come in, you'll see ;)

I love your suggestion. It's definitely something that I'm going to add because I never realized what a missed opportunity it was to show more on Bella until you pointed it out to me. It would be the perfect groundwork for their inevitable upcoming meeting.

All I can say at this point is that Moody will see right through her ;)

Thanks so much for the review! I feel privileged to have you read my story every time *hug*


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Review #3, by theblacksisters A Step Further

16th December 2013:
Love to know what happens next. Update soon.:)

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing! I will update soon enough :)

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Review #4, by theblacksisters Curiosity happens for a reason

16th December 2013:
Good-gone-bad stories fascinate me. I'm always surprised with who ever turns evil-I've quite a few Ron-, Hermone-, and Ginny-gone-bad, along with one or two Luna- or Harry-gone bad. But TONKS!?!?! for heaven's sake?!?! It's new and interesting. Keep writing :)

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I am glad you find what I'm writing interesting because it's not one of the easiest things I've ever written. It takes quite a lot of creativity to imagine the scenario in which Tonks, of all people, will turn bad.

Hope you come back for more!


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Review #5, by _Always_Writing_ Curiosity happens for a reason

13th September 2013:
Hey! I'm here for my challenge. I have to say that this is a very good story so far. I'm intrigued. You're touching on characters that weren't that in depth. And I'm currently writing about Walburga, so I know that this is difficult. Thanks for entering, and taking the challenge of Nymphodora! It means a lot!

Keep writing!

-Janelle

Author's Response: Hey there! I always love writing about the more obscure characters and explore their own world, as they see it, through their eyes and feelings and motivations.

I promise this is not where the story stops. Now that NaNo is over and school is not that demanding any more, I can focus on writing again. Hope you keep reading :) Good luck on your story and thank you for taking the time to read and review my story :)


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Review #6, by adluvshp Curiosity happens for a reason

24th August 2013:
Hey! Here for your requested review from the forums :)

I think this was a great start to your story. So far, I like your portrayal of Tonks. I also like the idea of the memory/dream haunting her. I did feel Andromeda's reaction was a little too extreme though, so I hope there's a subplot that you'll explore thoroughly regarding that as I am quite intrigued by Andromeda and her sisters' history - or what you have in mind for that anyway.

As far as Tonks' characterisation goes, I can't comment much just yet since it's only the first chapter but I liked how you introduced her. Her personality seems to be similar to that of cannon - clumsy and curious - and I like that. I also like how this is situated after OoTP and the duel at the Department of Mysteries obviously affects her - that is something realistic. I liked the little snippets of her feelings for Remus as well, and I am curious as to whether there'll be any buildup of that.

So far, you seem to be doing well with her portrayal and it will be interesting to see how Tonks develops as a character and goes into the direction you seem to have hinted at in the summary. This chapter has definitely set the scene very well, so good job.

As for CC, I'd just say that perhaps your dialogue is a little off. I am not too good with dialogue myself so I won't say it's awful, because it's not, it's just that at times it doesn't sound natural.

For instance, the parting sentence that Tonks tells her mother would sound better if re-worded in some way as right now it sounds strange, something of the sort that perhaps a child would say and Tonks is an adult so I'd expect her to speak slightly differently.

I did like how you phrased Andromeda's dialogues though - they were motherly and natural enough - so I'd just suggest working on Tonks' dialogues again. Also, I spotted a few spelling errors here and there, nothing that a thorough re-read can't fix.

Those are only my suggestions, and I understand every author has a different POV, so feel free to take them or leave them =)

Besides that, I really liked this first chapter and it has piqued my interest. I certainly hope you'll re-request. Good luck for the rest of the story!

8.5/10
Cheers!
AD
(AditiDraco95)

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Review #7, by patronus_charm Curiosity happens for a reason

23rd August 2013:
Hi, Roxana! I think I squealed with happiness when I saw you request because it has Remus/Tonks (even, if it's not centric it still appears!) and just the general plot idea sounds incredible!

First of all, I liked how she had a minor clumsy moment as it was very Tonks-like and I hope that continues throughout the story. The one thing is that I have an issue with so far is her dialogue. She said words like 'silly' and 'delicous' and to me they seem too tame for Tonks. This might just be me, but I remember her just saying crazy things in the books so maybe look up those words in a thesaurus and make them more Tonks-like. :)

Yay you gave us a time-frame! Even though it's AU, I think including one really makes a difference as it keeps the reader grounded and it definitely helped me place myself.

One thing that intrigued me was the amount of time you dwelt on Sirius' death. I liked it here, but I would advise you to limit it in the future obviously because of what happens in this story! I'm really intrigued to see how she battles that issue though, because it seems to me that she still cares about him here.

I was a little confused as to why she was at St. Mungo's. I guessed she had a mental problem in reference to her worrying whether the Auror department would think her mad or not, it just wasn't clear enough for me so perhaps include a few more lines about her confusion or whatever, because to me she seemed a little too normal to be worrying.

I liked the mini-cliff-hanger you included in the chapter though. I really don't see much but I really love it when I do. Especially the fact that Tonks wanted to challenge her mother who she supposedly always got on really well with.

In my headcanon Tonks and her mum would have got on really well, but I actually really liked the tense atmosphere you created her and it was enhanced with the use of mother. I can see that if she has issues with her mother it might lead to her going against what her mother did and end up running to Bellatrix. That was a really clever thing to include.

One small thing in terms of dialogue is when Tonks begins to talk about the dream I would perhaps switch to mum as she's saying something confidential so that would seem better in my mind.

I really liked the ending! With her mother closing the subject like that I can only imagine that Tonks is going to search for her own answers now. That worked well in terms of characterisation as she has this curious air and I can see how that would lead her to Bellatrix and how B may then manipulate her with that.

I thought this was a really great chapter! I didn't spot any technical errors and I already gave you my view on the dialogue and characterisation. I hope this helps in some way!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hey there Kiana! Ohh, you like Remus/Tonks? Remus is definitely my favourite Marauder, so I love stories about him as well. Not to mention that this pairing makes me warm and fuzzy inside. I think they're a great match!

I didn't plan to start the story with a Tonks-like moment. It just came to me. I was sitting in front of my screen, and this image of Tonks trying to push open a pair of doors that were clearly locked came to mind, so I used it :D

Actually, I think that's an amazing suggestion. I will make sure to re-read the story when I add the next chapter and revise Tonks's dialogue. It sounds like a great suggestion to improvise her characterisation.

She dwelt on Sirius's death so much in this chapter because it's closely linked to the reason that sets off her insatiable curiosity: the look her aunt Bellatrix had on her face when she killed him. I'm not saying that she didn't care for Sirius and she doesn't mourn his death, but more than feeling sad, she can't understand what happened with Bella when she killed him.

In the books it's said that after the Battle of the Department of Mysteries, Tonks has to remain at St. Mungo's for a few days to receive treatment. This chapter starts with her at St Mungo's after she has been discharged, but called for a check up. I borrowed this from our real life. After you've been in the hospital for a while and are allowed to go home, you must return after a while so they can check you up if the process of recovery is going well. This was my reasoning behind her appearance precisely in this place ;)

They do have a good relationship, but I see Andromeda as a very strict woman. She is somewhat like McGonagall in the sense that she doesn't allow much fooling around, or wasting time, or stuff like this. She loves her daughter and husband very much, but I simply can't picture her as being this overly warm, motherly woman. Even if she has had the incredible courage to go against her family and marry Ted, I can't see her forgetting where she came from and the education she's received for most of her childhood and young years. When you grow up, you don't completely change. You morph into someone new of course, but there still are traits in you that were formed when you were younger. Andromeda will indeed play a pretty important role in this story, you will see which ;)

Thank you so, so much for this amazing review! I loved reading every single line of it :x


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Review #8, by CambAngst Curiosity happens for a reason

19th August 2013:
Hi, Roxi! I saw that you had something new posted and I had to come check it out. Very, very neat idea! What on earth could have been going through Bella's head? Or did Tonks just imagine the whole thing? I'm really eager to find out!

I don't think you could have picked a better start than having the poor, hapless girl trying to force open the out-of-order doors. Maybe if she was pushing doors that were clearly marked "Pull", but that is fairly cliche. Suffice it to say that you made the character instantly recognizable.

You did an awesome job of drawing out the emotional turmoil that's still gripping her after the battle. Physical details are always the best way to help a reader get their head about a big, emotional moment, and you brought those right to the forefront. The ambivalence that Tonks feels about the memory of her aunt killing Sirius was a really nice touch. People do have a perverse tendency to dwell on the memories that haunt us, especially when there's something about them that just doesn't make sense. I can't imagine what reason Bellatrix would have had to feel remorse over killer her blood traitor cousin, but the idea is fascinating. It's no wonder that Tonks can't put it out of her head.

It definitely took a lot of courage to face her mother and ask the questions she did. You created such a different Andromeda Tonks from the one I'm used to reading about, and I have to say that your version is one of the most interesting. Probably one of the more consistent with her background, too. I always struggle a bit to buy the idea that running away with a muggle-born would have instantly turned the privileged, aristocratic Andromeda Black into this warm, huggable, grandmotherly type that most authors embrace. The losses that she suffered during the war very likely changed her, and I think you've hit upon a very realistic middle ground between the girl she grew up being and the woman who was touched by so much tragedy.

From the moment Tonks arrives home, you set a tone for the interaction between the two of them. Andromeda is commanding, intimidating and obviously a complete perfectionist. If an elf was doing the cooking, there would be little difference between her and her sisters. That's what makes it so intriguing to see her react so viscerally to her daughter's questions. When she declares that her sisters are dead to her, you have to wonder how much self-loathing is woven into that sentiment. Aside from Andromeda's very well-written responses, the scene is filled with nervous energy and a palpable sense of danger. You get the feeling that Andromeda could explode at any second. The conversation was paced quite well and everything built very nicely to Tonks's indirect rebuttal of her mother's refusal to talk.

I'd feel remiss if I didn't give you at least a little something constructive, so I'll point out a few little typos that I spotted:

Stealing a fleeting look behind her so she could be sure no one was coming her way, she pressed her back against the cold stone wall, allowing her body to slid limply to the floor. -- to slide limply

‘Nymphadora, what have I told you about slamming the doors? How many times I ask you? -- How many times have I asked you?

Tonks walked onn the other side of the sideboard, sat down and pulled the nearest bowl towards her. -- on the other side

Aside from those three things, I thought your writing was lovely. The chapter had a nice flow to it, and it was an easy read to get lost in for a few minutes. Looking forward to what comes next!

Author's Response: Heya! I know I've already told you this, but the fact that you take your time to read and review my stories means more to me than I can put into words. You really are one of the HPFF authors I look up to most, so naturally, you can imagine my reaction when I opened the Archives yesterday morning and found this fantastic review :D

I actually sat on my chair for about five minutes, thinking how best to open my chapter when suddenly, this image of Tonks trying to shove a door that clearly wasn't bulging came to me and I knew that had to be it. I thought it would be the perfect opening and it would draw the readers in from the get-go, because this is the type of thing Tonks does. She's very clumsy. Bellatrix will have her work cut out with her haha

"People do have a perverse tendency to dwell on the memories that haunt us" - Exactly!! This is exactly what went through my mind when I was writing that scene. Humans really are weird, you know. They like to dwell on memories or thoughts that hurt them or make them sad or are simply negative and unhealthy. Humans have always had an odd fascination with evil, darkness, madness, etc. It's in our nature to be attracted by the negative side of life, so I thought that Tonks would not be the exception. As much as she realised that thinking about her aunt's memory over and over again was not doing her any good, not only she could not help it but she felt she NEEDED to think about it. A desire that she could not understand, but that she finally allowed to overcome her to the point that she has decided to keep the details of the event alive in her mind.

To be honest, I don't know if I have read more than one or two stories that featured Andromeda, and that happened a long time ago. I did not look for any particular inspiration for her characterisation. I just sat down to write and the image of this strict, orderly, perfectionist woman came to my mind almost without thinking too hard on it. As you've said, I think many people are too quick to overlook the fact that for the greatest part of her life she has been a Black, raised in the Black traditions, a sister to Bellatrix and Narcissa. I imagine Andromeda as a lovable mother, and a great wife, but I also see her as the person who has a set of rules that everyone in her home must absolutely follow (like not bothering her when she's cooking, no door slamming and others you will see later on). It's impossible that she can't have 'inherited' some of her family's traits. You can't wash away more than 18 years of your life, especially since I believe that childhood is the period when you first establish the kind of person you will be later on (this is not always the case because many people grow up to be very different than how they were as kids, but the change is never complete - you tone down).

So thank you for the amazing compliments regarding my characterisation. Since this story relies heavily on characterisation and descriptions, it means the WORLD to me! The path I set up for me (having Tonks switch sides) is certainly a difficult one and I want to do it right, not rush it so that it can make sense and come natural. I really hope you will come back to leave me your thoughts because it's great reading them ;)

Thanks for pointing out my typos! I know there must be some in there. I wrote this chapter late into the night and even if I edited it twice, and Ral read it once, there always are the odd ones that slip your attention. I will edit it again soon enough and correct those.

Thank you once again for reading this! And sorry for rambling so much haha. Hope to see you soon!


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Review #9, by blackballet Curiosity happens for a reason

19th August 2013:
I'm, here for your review from my challenge!

I think this is a very interesting start, and I love reading fics where adults are the main characters, even though I do write from teenage perspectives a lot. I'm not so sure where Tonks is going to turn bad, but I will definitely read and review every chapter up until the deadline of my challenge. It's hard for me to judge, as Tonks isn't evil yet so I hope you get more chapters in by the deadline so you can have a chance to win! I think you definitely have a contender here with your writing ability and plot.

I noticed a few mistakes, like annd and sge, but they're very minuscule and didn't take away from the story. I like your characterization of Andromeda the most, I think. I'm a big advocate for interesting characters, because I completely and full-heartedly think that they make a story. I love how she is still very strict. Some people forget who she grew up with, and make her very sweet and easy-going. I like that you thought about her a lot. Even if you didn't, it looks like you did, and I thoroughly enjoyed her part in this.

Thank you for writing such a beautiful piece, and if you would PM me to let me know when the second chapter is up, then I would be very grateful. If you forget, don't worry, I'll check your entry the day the challenge has ended.

Good luck to you and your story!

Author's Response: Heya! Glad to have you by :)

Writing from a teenager's POV is somewhat difficult for me because as far as I remember, I never had mood swings, whims, I never fell in love very often, arguing with my parents because I wasn't happy about something they made me do, so I can't directly relate to that. I'd have to research it a bit haha. I know that sounds weird but I remember myself as being responsible, being friendly to everyone, never talking out of turn, etc.

I am very excited about this idea and I don't want to rush it. I want to take it slow, gradually, so that Tonks's change makes sense and comes naturally. I don't mind if you exclude me from your finalists, because I'm almost sure I won't have Tonks switch sides until the deadline of your challenge :( I hope however, that that won't stop you from coming back and reading this story because it was mostly thanks to you that I had the idea ;)

I haven't read many Andromeda stories so I can assure you that I have no idea how she is portrayed by other authors. However, I imagined that even if Andromeda fell in love with a Muggle-born and ran away from home with him, and generally seems a more genuine, likeable person, it's impossible to wipe out her childhood and the way she was raised. Something HAD to remain ingrained in her personality. This is how I imagine her: strict bur fair, loveable but not overly sweet and a perfectionist, which will lead to interesting character interactions between herself and Tonks later on. You'll see ;)

Thank you so very much for reading and reviewing. I'm pleased to know that you enjoyed my first chapter :D


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Review #10, by MissesWeasley123 Curiosity happens for a reason

19th August 2013:
Hello!

I've read your Neville one shot, so I was excited to see your penname on this one! Your summary captivated me... and I think it will be so cool to see Nymphadora Tonks - the lovable Hufflepuff, turn bad.

This was a really good first chapter! You stayed true to her character - her clumsyness was PERFECT!

I liked how you incorporated Bellatrix into this as well. Her striking resemblance to Andromeda, and Tonks spluttering... very well done.

Can't wait for more!
Nadia

Author's Response: Heya! Thank you for being the first to review my newest story and my first real WIP (although I do plan to make Soul Pieces a longer story as well).

Yes, the idea of sweet, cheerful, lovable Tonks turning into a darker Tonks does seem captivating. I wrote this for a challenge, but rather than writing a one shot I decided to take it further, give it time to happen, so that the change seems natural rather than forced.

I'm so happy to hear that you enjoyed her characterisation. Tonks is not the most difficult character I had to write, but she does pose a threat. If I'm not careful I might go overboard with her clumsiness haha.

Bellatrix has not made her appearance yet, but I remembered that when Harry first met Andromeda he was stricken by the resemblance between Bellatrix and Andromeda, so I decided to play with this thought a little, give a sense of what it's really going to be like standing in front of the real Bellatrix. Plus, I thought that the moment when the two sisters would look most alike was when they were mad, because when you are angry features tend to give the same facial expression, rather than when you express positive emotions. Add the fact that Andromeda and Bellatrix have a physical resemblance and you get a massive shock ;)

Thanks again for stopping by and taking the time to read and leave your thoughts!


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