Reading Reviews for Wrecking Ball
  
10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by marauderfan Crumbling

15th January 2014:
Here with your requested review! Love the disclaimer, btw :p

Your characterization is good - I think Albus and Scorpius' casually throwing money around spoke a lot in terms of characterisation for the two of them, but also for Rebecca, since to her that highlights her situation and kind of brings out the worst in her. I thought she was a little mean in this chapter, but not overly so - after all, it was pretty understandable, especially after her previous day at work and then having another person trying to buy her like a prize.

But despite that, you've also shown Albus' caring side, in that he does want to get to know her regardless of the bet. I can't blame Rebecca for not trusting him though. Anyway, you've got a good foundation for complex characters, they certainly don't seem one-sided, so that's good :D

Overall, it's a very good chapter - your writing is good and there aren't a lot of spelling/grammar issues, so that's always nice to see :) There was only one spelling error that stood out to me, it said "My hear pounds" which should be "my heart".

Also, there was a slight continuity issue; Rebecca is at work all morning and then when Albus comes in to meet her, she walks out with him, though at work she's supposed to be on roller skates. I guess you could either mention that she took them off before she went outside with Albus... or she's skating outside, which probably wouldn't fit well to the mood of the story :p

Anyway, excellent chapter! This is looking to be a great fic so far :)

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Review #2, by ladymarauder85 Cracked

14th January 2014:
I'm already loving this story. I feel sorry for Rebecca - not in a pitying way - just that she's doing something she'd rather not, for the sake of her family. It's selfless. I can't wait to see what happens with Al too! Good job! :)

Author's Response: I'm so glad you like it! Yeah, she's got a bit of a tough life, poor girl. And yeah, I'm really excited for what's going on with her and Al as well! Thanks so much for reviewing!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


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Review #3, by nott theodore Crushed

10th January 2014:
Hi Taylor! I'm here with your requested review!

It's been so long since I read something of yours that I was really pleased to see you put this request in. I'll say straight away that I think you've got a great first chapter here, and it immediately grabs my attention. You've done a great job with the editing, as well, because I couldn't spot any typos or mistakes.

Your characterisation here, especially for a first chapter, is incredibly strong. Rebecca's a character who really kind of hits you in the face, her personality really shining through this chapter. I felt like I got a really good handle on her character, which at the start of a novel and in just over 2000 words, is very impressive. I actually found myself really warming to her, as well - I felt like she was the sort of person I could be friends with. Normally I don't like characters that swear so much but here I felt like it was more justified - she's only young and has watched her life slipping away from her and turning into something she never imagined. That can't be easy for anyone, but it's great that you've chosen to write about someone like this because it's a very harsh reality. I found myself feeling really sorry for her when I learnt about her two jobs - the second one especially must be degrading and she shouldn't have to do that sort of thing.

The pace was fine as far as I was concerned. The only thing I'd possibly pick up on is the transition between her finishing her first job and starting her second; I wasn't quite sure what time frame that followed, although you mentioned her rushing around Diagon Alley for two hours. A few more hints on that time transition would help it flow a bit better I think - maybe even a mention of her impatience as she's waiting in line to post her letter, tapping her foot or something.

So far I can't think of any important information that you've missed out - there are questions, of course, but I think they're intentional as they keep people intrigued. I'm wondering what's happened to her dad and whether her mum's actually a witch or not - she mentioned robes in the letter, so I'm assuming that her siblings are, but I'm curious about her mum. I liked the background that we got to her dropping out of Healing School but I'd like to find out more about that in the future.

I'm fairly sure (from the summary) that Albus Potter, at least, will be making an appearance again in this story. The part where she encountered people from school was probably my favourite - it's always awkward when you meet up with people you spent years with but no longer keep in touch with, but I think their reactions here really helped to illustrate how far she's fallen, so to speak. It was nice to see that interaction as well, since the majority of this chapter was Becky.

I think you've got a great first chapter here, Taylor. Hopefully this was helpful, and feel free to re-request!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hi Sian!

Yay, I'm glad you like it so far! I'm glad you like Rebecca so far - she's so much fun! Typically, I agree: I don't like characters that swear all the time - hey, I don't even like when real-life people swear all the time. However, it just kind of fell into her character, just because of all she's been through (some of which I haven't even mentioned yet). I'm glad it works here though. I do hate her life for her - and yeah, that second job is just horrible.

I'm glad the pacing was okay too - and you're not the first person to suggest mentioning the time passing in Diagon Alley. I definitely agree that I need to emphasize that more, so I will go in and fix that ASAP! Thanks for the help with that!

Okay, it's good that I didn't miss anything important, but yes, there are plenty of questions as well, most (hopefully all) of which I have answers to coming up in later chapters. One of my favorite things about this story is only revealing certain character elements at a time, so they'll all pop up eventually. :)

That interaction was definitely my favorite part of this chapter - particularly because interactions are just so much more fun to write than single characters.

I'm glad you think the story's good so far, and I will definitely be re-requesting!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


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Review #4, by marauderfan Crushed

5th January 2014:
Hi! I'm here with your requested review.

This is an excellent start. It's a short chapter but provides so much background on the character, what her life has been so far, how she ended up in her current situation. Your description, and the details you included, are wonderful.

Your characterisation of Rebecca is really strong. I can't say much for the other characters, as this chapter mainly just featured Rebecca, but her personality comes through very well - at least the side of her that shows when she's frustrated and stressed. Based on her dry humour I imagine there's a lot more to her but we can't see that yet, as she's miserable. (Sidenote - I could really identify with Rebecca when she was complaining about the roller skates in the beginning - my sense of balance is awful and I'd be the same way!)

The chapter flows well, and the pacing is good. I was wondering how much time she had in between her two jobs - she came across as a bit hectic and pressed for time, but mentions she spent "two hours running around Diagon Alley". I think a little more detail here would help - for example, if she's really worried about getting everything done in the short (I think) time period between jobs, maybe mention a few nervous glances at her watch, or something?

I don't have much else to critique on this chapter, actually. It did raise a few unanswered questions - such as, how long has she been stuck there? What happened to Rebecca's father? Where are her friends/does she still have any? - but, I don't think the inclusion of these points is necessary, at least not for the first chapter. I know you mentioned you were worried you'd left something out, but I don't feel like anything is missing. A story can get bogged down if there's too much background info in the first chapter, and yours has just enough to be interesting and intriguing.

Great work on this chapter!

Author's Response: Hi, thanks so much for doing this!

I'm glad you like Rebecca's character so far - and yes, that dry sense of humour does play into her personality when she's not quite as stressed as she is here. Haha, when I was writing this, I was thinking of all the times I used to try those four wheeled roller skates and end up on my face, and I figured Rebecca could have the same experience too. :D

I like that idea about adding in the idea of her looking at her watch - she definitely feels pressed for time here, so that's a great detail for me to add! Thanks for that!

Those are definitely some important questions, and I do have answers to those that will come along eventually! I'm glad you don't think it was missing anything - I wass worried that because I already know her backstory and all that that I would accidentally gloss over something important because I forgot the reader didn't know, haha. ;)

Thanks so much for the review - I really appreciate it!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


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Review #5, by Anon Crushed

6th October 2013:
Honeybuns it's been TWO months! I'm dying here!! UPDATE.CAUSE.IM.ABOUT.TO.CRY. I need a.new chapter to fangirl over!! :) Freakin love ouband da story!!

Author's Response: Well, the good news is I've just submitted the second chapter! I'm glad you like the story so much! Thanks for the review!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


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Review #6, by pleasepitch Crushed

24th August 2013:
Don't leave me hanging gurrll UPDATE CAUSE THIS STORY IS GAAHHH AND ASDFGHJKL PLEASE. MY OVARIES POOF. #UP FREAKING DATE WRECKING BALL :( :*( GAAHH

Satisfaction level -10/10 because you havent put up the next chapter :( :( xoxo

Update soon pwweease

Author's Response: GAH I'm so happy you like this story so much! Not to worry, I'm working on the next chapter, so hopefully that'll help with the negative satisfaction level! Thanks for the review!
-ShadowRose


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Review #7, by anon Crushed

19th August 2013:
Amazing story!! My friend actually linked me to this story - so glad she did. This story is like a story of a girl who jist needs a break. I love her character and I like how you've set this after hogwarts. Really cool that you haven't made her a rich/well-off girl but just a regular girl who barely has enough money. Only on the first chapter but hope for many more - anon

Author's Response: I haven't seen many stories about people in her social situation in FF much, but it's a very real aspect of life, so I wanted to capture that here! I'm working on the next chapter currently - hopefully it'll be ready to post soon! Thanks for the review!
-ShadowRose


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Review #8, by dreamingaway Crushed

19th August 2013:
Omg. This story is amazing! Please update soon !! I really like the
Emotions you put in here. Cannot wait until you introduce more characters!! I absolutely love the people you chose too play this characters. This story is so underrated :( will try and spread the word :) please keep going and finish this story. She's like a mature little kid. Very emotional story. love you and this story!

Author's Response: I'm so happy you like it! I will definitely keep going, and I'm already working on the next chapter! Thanks so much for the review! :)
-ShadowRose


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Review #9, by Nesa Esera Crushed

15th August 2013:
Please update!! Very good storyline and can't wait for next chapter :) :)

Author's Response: I'm glad you like it! Thanks so much for reviewing!
-ShadowRose


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Review #10, by MC_HK Crushed

5th August 2013:
You've got an awesome start to your story! That intro was totally great, and right off the bat you get Rebecca's personality thrown in your face, and it's a really strong personality at that!

So, I have to ask why her boss calls her Aimee when her name is Rebecca? I don't know if that's part of the story or something looked over during editing, but should definitely be addressed with an explanation of some sort.

So, this is definitely well written, and I can tell that you put so much time and effort in to editing this very carefully. I love the premise of the story, and it certainly has an interesting plot. This is easily one of my new favorites so far, and I urge you to keep up the good work, as this is a magnificent chapter. Personalities are awesome, description is spot on, and you've got a great flow to it all.

I applaud you, and look forward to your next chapter! MC_HK

Author's Response: Hello there!

I'm glad you like the story so far, and yes, Rebecca definitely has a very strong story.

Rebecca's original name was Aimee, and then I changed it. Obviously, that part missed the editing process! I actually found it this morning and edited it already, but thanks for pointing it out!

Thank you for the awesome review, and I will definitely be re-requesting for the next chapter!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


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