Reading Reviews for Soul Pieces
  
6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by SD Pride

19th October 2013:
You should continue this. It's one of the best I've read so far and it's only one chapter. Keep up the good work! You'll be drawing in readers by the second :) I'll be anticipating updates :)

Author's Response: Hey there! Thanks so much for the review. I do plan on continuing this story now that NaNo is over and school has calmed down a bit.
Thanks for stopping by to read it!


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Review #2, by academica Pride

15th August 2013:
Hello Debra, here with your requested review :)

I think you did a nice job of characterizing Fred in this story. At first I was going to say that I wish you had made George more prominent in the beginning when he looked down and tried to communicate with his grieving family, but I like the tactic of making George his source of strength when confronting his own pride. I hope you'll continue to utilize the strong bond between the twins as you continue this story and Fred faces more of the deadly sins. I also wanted to applaud you for being willing to go with a somewhat unconventional characterization for Fred. I often see him being portrayed as a jokester even after death, and I find that I appreciate more serious portrayals more because they seem to be rarer. It makes sense that it would be hard for even Fred to compose himself enough in this moment to react with a coherent sense of humor. I did feel like his reactions were normal; I got a real sense of desperation and disbelief from his attempts to contact his family and his begging of the spectre to somehow bring him back to life. I also liked his discomfort at seeing his disembodied form. I guess what I'm getting at is that Fred seems to like to have control of the situation so he can bring out the humor in it, and he clearly flounders here where he doesn't have control or his beloved twin.

I also think you did a good job with the description. With this kind of story, imagery is important because your character is entering a new, dream-like world with no recognizable landmarks. At times it did feel a bit heavy, and I occasionally felt the urge to skip a few lines ahead so as to return to the action and see what Fred was doing. A reviewer of my own recently left me a great tip that might come in handy here--when you're in the middle of an action sequence, it's okay to pare down the imagery so as to avoid distracting the reader. I'm still working on learning to use imagery judiciously, so I understand how difficult it can be!

Something else that stood out to me here was the dialogue. I think at times your phrasing was a little more formal that I would have expected, given the use of Fred as a main character. It might be good to go back and see if you can use the formality of your language to distinguish the spectre's speech and the more dream-like scenes from the moments that are focused more directly on Fred. One way to do this is to re-read the chapter and test the flow. I find that dialogue sounds most natural when you try to match how you hear other people speaking.

I noticed a few places, too, where you have some typos, so you may want to go back and check this again when you go to add another chapter. Speaking of which, I definitely think this should be continued. Considering your plot setup, I actually think it ends a bit awkwardly when treated as a stand-alone story; more than that, you've got an intriguing idea and I think it would be a great short story (or possibly more than that).

Very nice work! I hope this review is helpful :)

-Amanda

Author's Response: Amanda I can't possibly tell you how much it means to me to hear your thoughts. You are one of the authors on HPFF I look up to, so you can imagine the magnitude of my squeal when I discovered this amazing review early in the morning :)

You know, I thought about doing that. Making George more prominent in the beginning, I mean. But as I was pondering this idea, I thought about the ending and about what Fred would have to do to get himself out of the predicament he was going to be in, and I felt George fitted best at the end of the piece, being Fred's escape rope. I simply couldn't think of anyone better to snap him out of it. Not when they had been SO close.

To be perfectly honest, I haven't read that many stories about Fred, but I have to agree that the few that I have, portrayed him in the same humorous disposition. However, I imagined that this would not be the best moment to write him like that. I felt that as funny and light-hearted as Fred was, he would feel shock, pain and fright when he would suddenly discover himself in the position he is in, when the last he remembered was joking with Percy, well alive. I felt it would be a more realistic reaction. There is a big chance that we will see glimpses of his well known humour later in the story, but not that often. His overall feeling will be of confusion because he will be experiencing a wide variety of emotions as he is put to the test with the other sins.

That's an incredible tip! I will be sure to use it from now on. Yes, balancing imagery can be a difficult job because I feel this urge to let the reader know what's going on through my character's mind and what he's feeling, even when they're in the middle of an action packed scene. Now you mention it, I can see how it would become distracting and would only make the reading unnecessarily heavier.

I will definitely go back and re-read the story and work on the dialogue. Actually, I'm very thankful for pointing this out because it's something I hadn't noticed I did. I set out to do what you suggested, make Fred speak more informally and the spectre's speech more conventional, but I must not have noticed when it drifted off in the wrong direction *blush*

It will be continued. When I will edit the story I will make it a WIP and continue working on it. I really want to explore it further, see how far will Fred be taken and how will he cope with everything.

Once again, Amanda, this was more than I could have asked for. Thank you for taking the time to leave such a detailed review, especially since I mentioned this was due to be longer than a one shot. I truly appreciate it :)


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Review #3, by AlexFan Pride

13th July 2013:
Oh wow, this was just, wow. There are very few stories around that have anything to do with Death himself but this one is especially unique because Fred had to go through trials.

I liked this, despite the fact that it was depressing because Fred is dead (something that I'm never going to get over) I really enjoyed this. I found it interesting and I could clearly picture in my head everything that was happening.

The pace wasn't too fast but it wasn't too slow either, it was just right. The only thing that I can think to critique on is the fact that there were a few grammar errors throughout the story. Nothing big though, just small typos that I noticed.

Other than that, great job on this!

Author's Response: Hai! Thank you for taking the time to read and review my HC entry *hug*

When I was still in the process of creating this idea I thought that since wizards live lives to interesting and full of wonder, their deaths cannot be anything boring (for most). As many of my story ideas emerge, I mashed up many "what if's", thus creating some obstacles for Fred to overcome in order to get what he seemingly wishes for when he realises he's dead and with nowhere to go.

I'm never going to be over his death either. It was a cruel thing to do, albeit understandable. People die in wars and everything who fought in the Battle of Hogwarts were aware of the risks. However, this does not make it easier :(

Thank you for letting me know that I have to re-read it and correct what I didn't spot the first time. And thank you for reading this and reviewing. I'm very thankful for your thoughts *hugs*


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Review #4, by SilentConfession Pride

13th July 2013:
This is an intriguing story. I think there is a lot below the surface with this and that Fred Weasley is going to have to face a lot more before he gets out. I wonder if George will be there to save him each time or will fred fall further and further away with each sin he has to face. I do love the way you've dealt with this. The way that Death just wants to play jokes and petty games. It makes me want to see what happens if Fred were to fail at any of these tests. Which place would he go? If he can't be the hero but fails... what then?

Anyway, you have an intriguing start. It's different and unique take on travel and taking us on our journey through the afterlife. There will be more demons for Fred to face i'm sure and things that he may not be able to get out of. But in the end Fred likes games just as much so it'll be interesting to see the rest play out (as you say there will be more once the HC is done)

The beginning was hard to take. Having to see Fred actually try and deal with his mourning family. It just showed his personality there because he didn't want to put his family in pain, he wanted to protect them, to save them from their grief. It was a really touching and sad moment. You have fantastic descriptive skills and it helps set the scene absolutely wonderfully. I'm really glad i was able to read this!

Author's Response: Helloo! So glad to see you here. Thank you for taking the time to review my story :)

You are absolutely right. This is just the top of the iceberg of Fred's journey. There are many more inner battles he will have to take before his 'destiny' will reveal itself to him. As to who will be there to save him next time (or not...), you'll have to find out for yourself :D The story can go either way: he could save himself from falling into each sin, or he could not. Nothing is guaranteed ;)

Fred definitely enjoys games, but I don't know how much he enjoys being played with. There will be moments when he realises that Death is only mocking him, toying with him to see if he's going to break or not, which will make him very angry. But once he has chosen this path, he cannot turn back. So he has to play the game of life :) (as I like to call it).

Thank you for the compliments on Fred's characterisation. It's an aspect of the story I wasn't sure I got completely right, but now I can rest assured that I've handled it with enough care. It was very hard writing him in that scene. I tried not to overdo the intensity of the scene, but describe enough to tap into the desperation of his situation and the effect death had on his state of mind. I really hope I did him justice :)

I can't thank you enough for this review. It was a real pleasure reading it and responding to it. I do hope you will come back later and see what's in store next for poor Fred :D I can guarantee a bumpy ride haha


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Review #5, by LittleLionGirl Pride

13th July 2013:
I really like this idea of travel. You thought outside the box and did the journey from beyond the veil. I like this story because it makes Fred's death slightly easier to deal with. I can't wait to see what else will happen!
XOXOXOX,
LLG

Author's Response: Heya! Thanks for taking the time to review this :)

I'm happy to hear that you enjoyed my story. I never thought about it like that, but I think you're right. In a way, it is the journey beyond the Veil. However, to me, Fred's death will never be easier. It softens the blow a bit writing about him, but I do find myself wishing he was still alive. Oh well...

There will be more to this story, so I hope you can come :) Thank you for the review!


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Review #6, by Violet Gryfindor Pride

13th July 2013:
This is the first of your stories that I've read, and I'm sitting here, stunned, wishing that this story hadn't ended, that you'd written a giant novel about Fred's journey through the underworld and his strange relationship with Death. It's unlike anything I've read before, taking a new perspective on a wizard's death that's intensely mythical, with its seven tasks for the hero to overcome. But JKR's version of Death is like this, something out of ancient mythology - he's a betting god who loves games and jokes, even moreso than the Weasley Twins. I can envision this version Death just letting other people pass into the afterlife because they're boringly normal, but he singles out Fred, not only because he's an expert prankster, but because Fred is only half of a whole.

That is one aspect of your story that sets it apart - that Fred is still intensely connected to his twin, even in death, so that George can save him from pride. Fred knows what he really is because he has George - his mirror image has always been a real person who isn't afraid of being honest with him, and this adds a fascinating dimension to that final scene. There are a lot of fascinating elements to this story, and if I began to list them off, I'd basically repeat your story in this review. The imagination you've displayed here has blown me away.

But there's another side to this story, too, and that's how Fred observes the aftermath of his death. He experiences so many emotions in that scene as he tries to comprehend what's happened to him, desires to comfort and protect his family, and deal with his new physical form (or lack thereof). You describe the whole scene and his reactions with excellent clarity while still paying close attention to style, such as in Fred's slightly fragmented thought patterns. I had trouble looking away from this story, you wrote it so compellingly, bringing those worlds to life. You did this too well, probably, which is why it doesn't feel like a one-shot - it feels like it needs to go on, that this ending isn't actually the end, if that makes sense at all.

This is fantastic and I'm glad that the House Cup provided you with the opportunity to write such a story. Please write more in the future! I'd love to see what other kinds of stories you come up with and get another taste of your wonderful writing style. ^_^

Author's Response: Susan, you can't imagine how much it means to me that you took the time to review my story. You're the author I look up to most, so when I saw that you'd left your thoughts I couldn't have been happier! :D

I must confess my idea of this story didn't start with Death being too bored, thus approaching Fred to have a bit of fun, rather a great deal of "what if's". All the story ideas I have come from different what if's mashed together. After I realised I wanted the Devil to be the strange person that contacts Fred, I did think about the reasons why he chose him particularly, but I'm not going to disclose them right now. You'll see later on in the story ;)

Aww, you make me blush! I am internally squealing right now because characterisation is one of the aspects I fret most about when writing something on the realm of fanfiction. And yes, you're right. Fred is still closely connected to his mortal life, still attached to his loved ones and there is no one else he loved more than George. So I thought it was the most natural thing in the world to have George's voice shaking some sense back into him. After all, they were twins. They knew each other on such deep levels that no one could have been able to pull Fred back from completely giving into the Devil's temptation.

It isn't planned like a one shot. That observation is very spot on ;) I only wrote it this way so that I could submit it for the HC, but after the event is finished, I plan on continuing the story. It's probably going to be a novella, with a chapter dedicated to each sin.

I am seriously blushing right now. Your praises make me grin every time I read them! I'm very happy you enjoyed the immediate aftermath of Fred's death. I thought a long time about the best way to write that scene because I didn't want to go overboard with intense feelings, but I didn't want to make it too plain either. To my surprise, when i sat down to actually write it, the words kept pouring out of me so naturally that I hardly needed to edit that part. It's never happened to me before.

I have other stories pending so I hope you stayed tuned because nothing would make me happier than hearing from you again *hugs*


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