Reading Reviews for A Magical World
  
15 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ladymontgomery Bulgaria

16th July 2013:
Admittedly when she first said they weren't looking for Veela's I immediately assumed she was a Siren. Which, I kind of techinically am right, if that's what we're calling her instead of a Siren. When she kissed him I was like "NO she's gonna kill him, and then I stupidly realized she was allowing him to breathe. It was very Pirates of the Carribean-esque."

I can totally relate to your story, one of my stories plays on the ideas of Pure Veelas and how they originated from Sirens, I felt kind of expert when I was reading this it was kinda nice lol. This is very interesting, and simply because you introduced a Siren(somebody else cares lol!) I am definitely a fan!

Author's Response: Yes! Another person you guessed right! xD Pirates of the Caribbean is actually where I got the inspiration. I needed Louis to be underwater and I always got the feeling that they had their own sort of magic, so I pulled that inspiration. I will definitely have to check out your stories! I LOVE all of those mystical creatures in the Muggle world that people say aren't real but they're beyond real in the magical world. Thanks for reading and reviewing!(:

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Review #2, by starryskies55 Bulgaria

13th July 2013:
I TOTALLY CALLED THAT SHE WAS A MERMAID AS SOON AS SHE SAID HER NAME WAS SIRENA and then they went to Greece and it was like... hell yeah I'm right.

Anyway! I really like the premise to the story, it really built up intrigue and it was really well written. Whether Louis was the right person for the job was interesting, and Fleur's worry for him worked really well too.
The character of Sirena was pretty awesome as well, very well built up to being a mystery, especially as we know she's not a Veela and she's not human.

I was slightly confused as to why they globetrotted a little before they went underwater - I understand why they went to Greece, but the forest was a bit :/ However, your description was very good, and I would like to see another chapter! The Veela's being blamed for a mermaid's crime is intriguing, and also as your mermaid is not a canon mermaid, that is also very interesting.

Great story! And woop! Go Gryffindor! *roars with you*

Author's Response: hahaha yes, someone managed to guess her species!! her name was a big clue, so I'm glad that you picked up on that. Fleur's always got that motherly instinct that reminds me a ton of Molly Weasley so it only made sense that she'd worry a lot. Well, Louis would essentially start off his search for Veelas in the forest. It really wasn't needed but I did want to make the traveling prominent. Sirena is a Siren, a species of mermaid. The merpeople in the Black Lake are Selkies, another species. Thank you for reading and reviewing!(: (and yes, Go GRYFFINDOR!)

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Review #3, by Pheonix Potioneer Bulgaria

13th July 2013:
I really like this story!

From the summary, I deduced that Louis wouldn't encounter any veela, but I didn't even think that Sirena was a mermaid!

SO Sirena killed muggles... is she about to kill Louis as well? I sure hope not!

I have to admit, that her strategy is clever. She lured Louis by being beautiful, and snogging him.

I like your characterization of Louis, and I can also feel Fleur's frusturation. Veela are deadly.

Great story, and it was very unique as well!

Author's Response: I certainly wouldn't want Louis dead but we'll have to see what Sirena decides! Being a mermaid and a Siren at that, she certainly has a lot of clever tricks up her sleeve. I'm glad you like Louis; he's one of my favorite characters to write as he gets so little spotlight. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!(:

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Review #4, by KiwiOliver Bulgaria

13th July 2013:
Hey, here for the HC :)

What in interesting and original plot! I love how you portrayed one of my favorite NextGen characters! Louis was a really interesting well thought out character and I love his interactions with his mum! Pure gold!

I really liked the overall plot as well, searching for evil creatures and it turns out to be the girl who found him! You managed to incorporate the travel theme in an exciting way, with a really unexpected ending! :)

Good job! I really like it!

I'll definitely be reading some more of your work!

Author's Response: Another Louis-lover! He really doesn't get enough spotlight, and I'm glad you found him interesting! Often times, to me it seems like we're searching for something but it's always someone else that helps lead us to what we're looking for. Thank you for reading and reviewing!(:

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Review #5, by marauderfan Bulgaria

13th July 2013:
Ooh, this was really original! I liked Louis's voice as a narrator and liked the idea of him going off to find a Veela - I'd forgotten he is part Veela as well. And Sirena is so interesting - when you first introduced her name I assumed she was a Siren, and then when she led him to the cliff I thought she'd trick him into jumping off it or something, like the mythical Sirens lured sailors into shipwreck against the sides of cliffs. So I was kind of surprised when she was a mermaid! I really hope you do continue this into a short story, there's so much more I'd love to find out about her. And how Louis learned to breathe underwater :P Excellent work on this!

Author's Response: Well, a Siren is a species of merpeople, so that's where I got the idea from. The fact that she'd led him off of the cliff was an inspiration from the mythologies. Oh, him breathing underwater will definitely be explained! You're one of the first to mention that he can! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!(:

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Review #6, by Debra20 Bulgaria

13th July 2013:
Hey there! I'm here for the HC review-a-thon!

I'm loving all these travel stories and yours is a very creative one! I enjoyed every minute of it. I'm beginning to warm up to Next-Gen stories thanks to all the marvellous creations I've been reading lately, and I think I'm adding yours on my list of worthwhile stories :D

You really did a great job with the HC theme. Not only did your character travel, but his journey made sense! I empathised a lot with Louis in this story. With two other sisters, a brother may sometimes feel the need to stand out, to do what he can to prove he is a man and is perfectly capable of taking care not only of himself but his sisters as well. It's not easy being the single male in a family of girls, that's for sure. So it made a lot of sense that he would accept risking his neck to seek out this mysterious creature that has been wreaking havoc.

It would be great if you'd write at least another chapter. I'd love to find out more about Sirena. She seems like such a mysterious character that it would be a pity not to reveal more of her, Not to mention that in Greek mythology Sirens are associated with Death. Their song though beautiful and sweet, was nonetheless sad and put the listener in a lethargic state, that could prove deadly. I have a feeling there's much and more in store for Louis if he allows himself to be fascinated by these creatures. It would really be a shame to stop here when there's so much potential for this story!

All in all, a very creative, very fun entry. I'm glad I've read it!
Debra20

Author's Response: I'm very happy to hear that I have managed to help convert you to like Next-Generation! I always thought that Louis must have had it difficult growing up with two older sisters; the need to prove himself in not only within his immediately family but also within his extended family must be very much a factor in his life, however big it is. I'm definitely going to write another chapter, if not at least two. There is definitely much more in store for Louis to come! Thank you for reading and reviewing!(:

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Review #7, by charlottetrips Bulgaria

13th July 2013:
This looks like a very interesting start to a good story! Louis as a character is someone that I'm not at all familiar with, having the tendency to stay away from Next-Gen stories (which I may remedy someday). He's got that bit of Fleur in him as well as Weasleyness. It's very evident that he's big on family and also wanting to do well in his career.

Fleur's accent was just so Fleur and I was smiling as I was trying to figure out what she was saying. Of course her accent wouldn't have mellowed out in the least even being married to a Brit. :)

I think it's funny that when one travels to another country, one expects it to be completely different from what one knows and is surprised when one realizes that some things do stay the same. And then there are the differences like Louis trying to talk to a waitress.

I found it a little off-putting, to be honest, that Louis pulled his wand out on being tapped on the shoulder. Isn't that a tad overreactive?

I was not expecting Sirena to be a mermaid! I was thinking that she was Veela (and as a total aside, loved how you reminded me of the tidbits we knew of Veela and how unusual it was that Louis had Veela blood) but then that wasn't really jiving and then when she was a mermaid! I was like "Whoa."

Anyway, I've mentioned it already, but I'm definitely interested in seeing how you take this idea to its full fruition!

Author's Response: Yes, being from a big family tends to have a huge impact on Next-Generation Potters and Weasleys(in my mind). I have definitely had the experience of travelling to different places and expecting things to be so different but it's not! Especially if you're in the wizarding world, magic is always there! Well, he is on a mission in a foreign land that he doesn't know well; Louis has to be on his guard somewhat, but I can see your point of it being overreacting. I'm glad that I managed to surprise you that she is a mermaid! I was hoping that the Veela-references wouldn't make the conclusion that she is a mermaid as obvious. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!(:

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Review #8, by slytherinchica08 Bulgaria

13th July 2013:
What an interesting idea for a story for the house cup. I like how you tied in the theme of traveling without making really the main point of your story but yet the traveling aspect still held importance to it all. I loved the ending of the chapter with her becoming a mermaid before his eyes. I would honestly love to see more of this story and get some more questions answered that I have about this all. My main questions are what will happen now that he knows that she is the problem and what exactly is her game plan with it all? I feel like there is just so much more to be explored with this and that it could really be an interesting story with more information/detail. But its a really good beginning and does a great job of fitting in with the house cup theme. Also I haven't said anything about your chatacterization and that's because I wanted to save it for last. I loved the way you portrayed Louis. He was so different from anything else that I've read him in which adds a nice refreshing mix to your story. And then adding in that mermaid was pretty epic as well. I don't think I've read any storys on this site that include them other than ones that do a retelling of sorts of hp 4. Great job! And thanks for participating in the 2013 house cup!

~slytherinchica08~

Author's Response: All of the different magical creatures that exist are one of my fascinations. Last House Cup, my submission was focused on dragons so I wanted to try another magical creature this time. Louis is one of the characters that I wish can be explored more in the Next-Generation because there are far fewer stories about him! Travelling is such a broad topic and even though I have read many submissions that do an excellent job telling about a vacation, etc. I wanted to try something a little different to switch things up. Thank you for reading and reviewing!(:

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Review #9, by SereneChaos Bulgaria

12th July 2013:
Oh, I think this would make a great two-shot or short story! I especially liked Fleur's attempt to dissuade Louis from searching for the veela. I like the little comments Louis makes that make him seem all the more like a real person (ie, how under normal circumstances he'd have no problem with a pretty lady trying to kiss him, lol). I do think that as a one-shot (or even a chapter in a short story), there could be a little more of a wrap up in this section just to make the story so far seem a little more cohesive, if that makes any sense. Otherwise, I think you're off to a great start!

Author's Response: I always felt that Fleur always has a Molly Weasley-type of attitude when it comes to her children; it's hard to imagine that she'd let her child walk into danger without some advice. Louis is a character that isn't too popular in the Next-Generation stories so I wanted to try to give him some personality, so I'm glad that you liked it! I definitely understand what you mean by there can be some more wrap-up. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!(:

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Review #10, by Dark Whisper Bulgaria

12th July 2013:
Wow, you really know how to set up a mystery. I so want to know what happens to Louis. I've never read a fic about him before and you have me curious. Your description of her made me think she was already beautiful before she turned into a mermaid.

That banner is gorgeous by the way. And your story... you have many unanswered questions, perfect for more chapters. ;)

Best Wishes,
DW

Author's Response: Mysteries always have me very intrigued, so I always like to try my hand at one. I'm glad that I have captured your curiosity! The banner is gorgeous, right? Lady Asphodel did such a brilliant job making it! The unanswered questions will definitely all be answered. Thank you for reading and reviewing!(:

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Review #11, by academica Bulgaria

12th July 2013:
Hello!

What a neat idea! I like that you built so much back story into a short piece; it really set the atmosphere up well and got me excited about the plot. I also liked the cliffhanger-esque ending. In fact, I think both of those qualities suggest that this story has real potential to be continued into an exciting short story, so I definitely encourage that.

I did notice a few things that I think you could polish up a bit if you do decide to continue this. There were a few technical mistakes that a beta could help with. I noticed that you used present tense in several places while recalling the Ministry's recent activities, and it seems like past might fit better there. You also separated the second section line by line in some places--it makes sense to do that when two characters are switching off in conversation, but it looks a little weird if you're just describing the scene, so I'd maybe consider condensing some of those into longer paragraphs.

Great job!

Amanda
Ravenclaw
House Cup 2013


Author's Response: I'm glad that you didn't find the backstory too heavy! Sometimes, I do wonder whether I try to put too much details into things that the reader doesn't need to know.
I definitely was rushing to put this in the queue, so I have fixed the mistakes that you pointed out. Thank you for noticing!!

And thank you for reading and reviewing!(:


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Review #12, by maskedmuggle Bulgaria

12th July 2013:
Hello!

I really enjoyed this! I found it quite a unique plot - particularly with the character of Sirena, and it's awesome to get Louis Weasley as the main character, as he's one of the less popular Next Gens to write about. First off, I thought you did a great job with Fleur's accent - I don't think I'd be able to imitate it as well as you did! I loved the interaction between Fleur and Louis, it all felt really realistic!

I liked the plot situation that was happening. When you said that "centaur land was trespassed by a Muggle expedition", I feel a bit uncertain since.. wouldn't' centaur land have muggle-repelling charms? Anyway, I'm reading way too much into it so just ignore me if you like :P I just like to question everything I read, hehe! The only other thing I noticed was that confidant is spelled confident, but apart from that, I found this story really interesting and well written!

The idea of Sirena being a mermaid and her being the one that attacked the muggles was unexpected, but pretty believable! I do think that this would work much better as a short story so hopefully I'll remember to check it out once the House Cup is over and you do get another chapter in - I'm really interested to know how Louis reacts and what he does now! Great story! :)

- Charlotte/maskedmuggle
House Cup 2013 Ravenclaw

Author's Response: I think Louis is rather overlooked as a Next-Generation character, so I'm glad that you liked having him as the main character! To answer your questions, centaur-land would be protected by Muggle-repelling charms realistically, but that's part of the whole magical creatures problem that I want to address in the next part after the HC is over.

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!(:


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Review #13, by AlexFan Bulgaria

12th July 2013:
Hello!

I have to say, I really enjoyed this, the description was great and I loved being in Fleur's head for the first little bit. I thought it was really interesting and I really liked the conversation between Sirena and Louis.

I also thought it was really interesting, the only thing that I was wondering about though is don't merpeople make screeching noises when they're above land? Or is it kind of like people, they differ in each country so that merpeople in Britain aren't the same as the ones in Greece?

Anyway, other than that, I thought it was really interesting and well written!

Author's Response: To answer your questions, I did a lot of research about it; Mermish does indeed make screeching noises up above land, but Sirena is speaking English, hence the weird accent. And Greek merpeople and the ones in the Black Lake are different species. The ones in the Black Lake are Selkies and the ones at Greece are Sirens. I'm glad that you found it enjoyable! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Review #14, by typewriter Bulgaria

12th July 2013:
I thought this idea was very clever! I enjoyed the twists and turns of it, the curiosity that was peaked when Sirena came into the picture and then the cliffhanger ending where we were left to guess what would happen now that she had revealed her true nature to him and he had gone underwater with her. Some things I found that you might wish to go back and reread are some typos. For example, at the very start of the fic you write "...to urge his eyes", which I think you may have meant as "he had to fight the urge to roll his eyes" or something of the sort. There are other moments like that throughout the story, like writing "arrogance" when meaning "arrogant" when talking about Louis' personality. Nevertheless, it was very creative and I enjoyed the read!

Author's Response: I'm glad that you found the one-shot interesting! I definitely was rushing through the proofreading part of uploading a story because I was worried that I wouldn't get it in on time. Thank you for pointing it out, and thanks for reading and reviewing! (:

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Review #15, by iatevoldysnose Bulgaria

12th July 2013:
asdfghjkl Oh my god, I really didn't expect that ending!

Wow, wow, wow! That was so good! I loved it! I honestly did. :D Your style was amazing, and your description was lovely. I liked the characters, their relationships (like Fleur and Louis') and just the way the whole story flowed!

I'm still unable to believe that :) It was a really good ending!

You're a very good author, so please keep writing and I hope to read more from you!

Love,
iatevoldysnose xox

P.S. I also like how Sirena is portrayed by Phoebe Tonkin ;)

Author's Response: I'm glad that I managed to surprise you with the ending! I tried to make it somewhat mysterious as best as I could. Thank you so much for your WONDERFUL review! (: I will definitely keep writing, so thank you for reading!! (and Phoebe Tonkin is just brilliant.)

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