Reading Reviews for Vegas
  
9 Reviews Found

Review #1, by adluvshp 1

19th August 2013:
Here for Slytherin review tag =)

This was a very sweet story, and I think it fit well with the House Cup theme. I enjoyed your portrayal of Molly, of how she was overshadowed by Victoire during graduation and didn't feel at home there, and then found her "home" with Lucas. The memory idea was very nice too and flowed well. I liked the ending too, of how she apparated thinking about home and reached Lucas. It put a smile on my face. It was fluffy and nice, and yet not overdone. I didn't see any grammar errors either which is awesome.

Great job!
Cheers,
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: I'm so sorry for the late reply. I tend not to really check reviews for this story since it's a one-shot I wrote quite a while ago. But I'm glad you liked it. I didn't think I was very good at writing romantic fluff at all, so I'm glad you thought I did well. Thanks for the lovely review. I have a prequel/sequel in the works for this, that you can check out once it's out of the works, but knowing me I'm quite slow so that'll probably take a while.

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Review #2, by blackballet 1

14th August 2013:
This was very sweet. I did notice that it's a short story, but it says it's completed in the description! If this is the whole story, you might want to change it to one-shot. I kind of hope you do a prequel to this, about novel length! I think it would be really interesting to see where and how they both grew up. I like how you made Lucas American, therefore having no (or little) knowledge of the Weasley's. I think you fit their time travelling together very nicely by the use of pensieve, so that made it seem longer than it really was. I fell in love with Lucas and Molly!

Great job, and I hope to see more from you in the future.

Author's Response: Ah thank you. I've got a prequel/sequel in the works. It's a bit hard to explain but one chapter will be from Molly's past and then the next will be the future from her pov and then Lucas' past and future from his pov. It's a bit complicated and that's why it's taking longer to write. Thank you for the sweet review I'm glad you enjoyed this :)

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Review #3, by Siriusgirl 1

13th July 2013:
Hi, this is siriusgirl aka Coppertop of Hufflepuff for the review-a-thon.
I always like reading about little known canon characters and OC. This is a great entry. I'd actually like to see this pairing developed more, sounds like great material for prequels. Good job!

Author's Response: Thank you :) I have a prequel/sequel sort of thing in the making, but since I am very slow, I highly doubt it'll get posted until about sometime next year.

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Review #4, by MrsJaydeMalfoy 1

13th July 2013:
This is so sweet, but also very sad! It was sad to see how Molly's family treated her, but I can imagine that, with such a big family, at some point SOMEBODY would start to feel left out or overlooked.

I wasn't sure how I felt about Molly agreeing to marry Lucas. I mean, I'm happy for them because they've found love, but there's still that part of me that wants to see her reunited with her family, you know?

Anyway, this was a very unique plot line and a very well-written piece. Well done!

Author's Response: Thank you! I should've gone into more detail, but because of the time and word limit, I couldn't really. I glad you thought it was original and unique. This was an idea that I've had in my head for quite a while, so it's had the chance to develop well. I'm actually writing a novella based on this, about 6-7 chapters, so you should look out for that if you want, because it will go into depth of Molly and Lucas' relationship, more of the reasons as to why Molly left, and her reuniting with her parents.

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Review #5, by Roots in Water 1

13th July 2013:
Hello there!

What an interesting story! I quite enjoyed reading it through and I liked the spin you gave to the "travel" theme.

I think that you did a great job of exploring Molly's character in this piece. Through the memories it became clear that she'd had some feelings for Teddy (perhaps had even loved him) and so had left her home. It was quite interesting to see her grab the opportunity when it came, to travel with Lucas. The memories you showed of them together did a good job of showing their growing closeness as well as his continual affection (and love) for her. What would have made this development even more interesting and realistic is if you included more of her feelings in the memories, including her shifting feelings for him. That way, it would have felt even more natural when she decided that she loved him and would marry him.

Speaking of which, I did like the way that she realized that she loved him. Not only was it a good play on the expression "home is where the heart is", it also revealed her magic to Lucas, a very important thing if she is to marry him. Keeping such a large thing a secret wouldn't be very healthy in the marriage.

I think that you did a good job with your conclusion. It does a great job of summing up the purpose of the story: the girl, once sad and lonely and heartbroken, now has experienced so much more in life and has found someone new to love and live her life with. The phrase "and best of all it was Lucas" really solidified the idea that she had gotten over Teddy, which is great and absolutely necessary.

All in all, I think that you did a good job with this story and I enjoyed reading it. My one suggestion would be to make the separation between the memories and the present time even clearer, but other than that it was great! Good work! :D

Author's Response: Thanks I really enjoyed reading your review. I wanted to make everything as subtle as possible, so I'm really glad that you caught she'd had feeling for Teddy at one point. I'm also really glad you caught onto the fact that Lucas was in fact a muggle, and she not only realized she loved him, but he also realized she was magic and it really tied everything together. I was planning on making this a novella, about 6 to 7 chapters, to make everything a little bit more clearer and realistic. So you can read that once I write it, if you'd like.

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Review #6, by ohmymerlin 1

13th July 2013:
Hello there!

This was an interesting piece. I love reading Rebellious!Molly and you pulled her off really well! :D

This is going to sound SO strange but when you described Lucas having orange-y tasting lips, I immediately thought of oranges as well (good descriptions do that! :D) but because I have cuts on my lips (yay for cold weather -.-), they started to sting. :p

Anyway, that was a bit of a tangent so I'll get back on to the ~actual review~. :p

I liked Molly's bitterness and sarcasm. You wrote it really well without dragging it on, which I find that a lot of authors do.

I also liked Lucas as a character, he was cute and interesting. :')

And Molly's -- er... -- profession was an interesting and new thing I've ever read! So yay for originality! :D

This was a rather original one-shot, I must say. You write very well and I found it very believable! Good work! :)

- Kayla. :)

Author's Response: Thanks, your review actually made me laugh. I wanted to make the kissing parts as realistic as possible, without going to much into it, because it wasn't really a big part of the story. So the orange tasting-ness was actually based on my former boyfriend. I'm glad you liked how I wrote her sarcasm and bitterness, it was a bit hard to write, but Molly was abrupt and to the point so I wrote it abrupt and to the point. Molly' profession was rather interesting wasn't it. But don't worry I wasn't planning on making her do that in the long run, I don't think she'd appreciate it either ;) Lucas and Molly were just really desperate for money at that point, so that's why. I'm sorry for your stinging lips *hands over chapstick*. I'm planning on writing a novella for this, just about 6-7 chapters, to go more into depth, and explain details I left out, and better convey Lucas and Molly's relationship, so you should look out for that, if you want to read it.

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Review #7, by DracoFerret11 1

13th July 2013:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from Ravenclaw on the forums here to review for you for the House Cup 2013! :D So, let's go over things:

Plot: Wow, this was really original! I don't read much next-gen and I've never read a Molly-centered fic, so this was really cool for me. On the one hand, it's pretty risque, but on the other, it was original and I like that. I can almost see this as a movie, actually. I felt really awful for Molly that Victoire got all the attention and she was ignored, and I'm not too sure her chosen path was all that better, but it was intriguing and I like that. Good job!

Characterization: I definitely think your Molly was believable. I wonder how Percy reacted to his daughter running away from home...wow. :o But I think that her reasons for leaving and everything she did make sense. I think Lucas is a little bit of a stock-character since we didn't learn very much about him, but he worked in the story, so I won't complain too much.

Descriptions: I loved the details you chose to add in. That first scene in the motel room? I could see it perfectly. Great job.

Emotions: I loved the moment when Molly realized she missed her family. That was actually pretty emotional for this story and I liked it a lot. She's run away from home, after all. And even though her family wasn't treating her all that well, they're still her family. I think that would be interesting to develop. I wonder, though, how her feelings for Lucas formed. Since most of this story took place in memories, readers don't get too much of the actual background of what happened. I can actually see this as a novel/novella length. It has potential.

Great job with this! I like that your idea was original and interesting. Have a wonderful day and good luck with the House Cup!

--Emily

Author's Response: Thanks :) I'm glad you liked this, it was an idea that had been in my head for quite a while, so it's come to develop rather well. I"m also really happy that you kind of saw this as a movie, because I plan on being a film student. Lucas was a bit of a stock character wasn't he, I admit I had the urge many times to go back and elaborate on him, but I didn't because I wanted this story to be very abrupt and fast-paced. The emotions were quite a bit harder to write, but I'm glad you think I pulled it off well. I was actually planning on making this a 6-7 chapter novella, because I didn't like how the reader didn't get that much information and it was all very obscure, so keep an eye out for that it f you want.

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Review #8, by maskedmuggle 1

13th July 2013:
Hey!

Wow I really, really enjoyed reading this! As soon as I started reading it I found myself getting really absorbed into the story you were telling. I love how Molly was the main character here - it's usually more someone like Rose or James or Albus, and her characterisation was so unique. I thought you did a really great job at conveying Molly's emotions and jealousy/irritation at Victoire and how she was going by unnoticed.

I thought the plot itself was great - I think Lucas is also a really great character! I loved how she went back into the past memories - which were all written about wonderfully by the way, and how she had doubts about marrying Lucas. But then I loved the ending, and this beautiful sentence: "Marry the one who makes you feel at home." and Molly's apparating to find out exactly who/where that was.

- Charlotte/maskedmuggle
House Cup 2013 Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Thank you so much. That was a really sweet review. This story was mostly based around that quote. I'm glad you thought I wrote her emotions well and that her characterisation was good. I literally went and read other fanfictions about Molly, and based on that I made her personality the complete opposite. Writing Lucas was very natural and quite easy, because he is actually based on a friend of mine. I'm glad you liked this, and took your time to review it.

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Review #9, by BluebirdBrigade 1

12th July 2013:
Hellooo! Here for the review-a-thin and your story caught my eye!

So, this was such a sweet story and I don't often read many stories where Molly is the MC but I loved the way you showed so many different sides to her as a character. I liked the way you used pensieve to travel it was very interesting and a great way to use the theme of travel. I felt very sad for her when she wasn't given any attention or even congratulated on what was supposed to be quite a big day of her life and instead everyone only cared about Victoire. I think these scene really established an emotional connection with the reader as it was easy to feel sympathetic for her and feel you can relate to her situation.

Molly was really awesome in this story, very fiery and passionate. I liked the way you showed this through various ways such as her chucking her diploma at Victoire and being quite blunt when she first met Lucas. Her responses were really no nonsense-y and obviously piqued Lucas's interest seeing as its not really the sort of thing you hear in a club ahaha.

Lucas was such an absolute sweetheart. Oh his speech to her was just so...I was like 'say yes!' and when she didn't, I could actually imagine his face falling and it was just heartbreaking. I like the whole Vegas element and how their romance progresses through the stories. I also loved the spontaneity the story brought as Molly decides then and there that she wants to go backpacking through Europe. It's a very different Molly to ones I have previously read and your interpretation was really interesting to read.

As CC, there was this line 'She was so immersed in her thoughts, that she hadnít noticed Lucas get up on his knees.' which I think it should be down on his knees? That's me being picky, but other than that I didn't find anything wrong with it, you're writing was lovely and there were some twists that I didn't expect at all which kept me in my toes throughout the entire one shot. Overall, it's a great and sweet story and I loved it.

Maz x

Author's Response: Ah thank you that was really very sweet. The thing with the up/down on his knees was very confusing for me to write, because they were laying down on his car, and then he got up to get down on his knees and I didn't really know how to put that in words without messing up.

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