Reading Reviews for The Ancient circle
  
6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Penelope Inkwell The traveller

16th July 2013:
Hey! Reviewing for the House Cup, so I thought Iíd come take a look at your One Shot! Go snakes!

"He needed a newspaper, a clock and an address, and fast.Ē--I really like this. It says a lot about Scorpius in very few words--heís practical, intelligent, and even when he has no idea whatís going on, heís quick to form a plan.

Echidna is a WONDERFUL name for an evil witch!

The bit where Scorpius looks around makes a lot of sense for an Auror. Just the way the sentences break down the roomís structure and furnishings--clearly, concisely, but also descriptive, like someone who is very analytical and always on their toes. That was very well-constructed.

Ugh! That scene in the hospital. Well, let me tell you, I saw the gore. Which was, of course, the point, so thatís nice. I mean, you know, as nice as gobs of blood and a woman becoming an afternoon snack can really be. Was that a redcap, by the way?

Like you said, there were some grammatical errors and whatnot, but thatís hardly of consequence. They can always be fixed after itís betaíd. It was hard to write these so fast, and while most of the rest of us probably just dreamed up a short story that fit within the parameters, you obviously had a very extensive backstory to write in. That had to be so difficult! One thing I would think about the way you introduce character Spleen: considering that they were in a hospital under attack, it took me a moment to realize that Spleen was a person, and not Healer Odomís medical problem (which confused me further, as I was like...íwait, your Spleenís not in your neck, is it?í) That said, I do like it as a character surname. I wonder if heís an unpleasant fellow...seems like the name would allude to a sort of vitriolic disposition. But perhaps this will be revealed? I love names, so whenever there are already two intriguing ones in a story, of course Iím intrigued.

Mostly, I just want to know what on earth is going on! I want to know what the world at this time is like, outside of these unusual circumstances. And why was Scorpius, an Auror, at the hospital? And howís he get mixed up with a bunch of bloodthirsty fae? But, Iím sure that the point is to raise a bit of curiosity, as it sounds as though itís a prequel. Iíll have to remember to come check that out. I want to find out where all this is coming from.

Nice work compiling a lot of information into a small space. Your writing is very descriptive--I was really able to see the picture in my head. Good luck with your fic that this is based on! It sounds like itíll be very complicated and deep, but itís a very, very interesting idea. I look forward to peeking back in and seeing how it pans out.



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Review #2, by Roots in Water The traveller

13th July 2013:
Hello there!

Wow- this certainly was an interesting story! I don't think that I've quite yet managed to grasp the whole of it, but I did enjoy reading it. It was a bit like a mystery; you kept us guessing as to what would happen to Scorpius.

The beginning of the story was certainly intriguing. A bang, followed by Scorpius waking up in a strange room, then meeting the Darkest witch still alive and free? It caught my attention and kept me interested for the rest of the story, so you definitely did a great job with your chosen beginning.

The confusion in the memories served a purpose, I know. It definitely did help to set the tone of the memories and, because the reader didn't know any more than Scorpius did, made us feel just as afraid and uncertain as Scorpius did. Moreover, the memories also helped to give us some background on Scorpius, though we're still left with questions. Scorpius, at one point in his life, worked in the hospital, but now he works as an Auror. I wonder what prompted that change in career paths...

The scene where the monster attacked the pregnant lady was quite horrible. I'm assuming the Ministry wasn't able to help and the monster just disappeared on its own... But that leaves the question: why did the monster appear in the first place? You've given us as readers so many questions to ponder, and, if I didn't know that this was a one-shot, I'd be really eager to read the next chapter.

I did notice a few typos as I was reading through that I thought I'd point out, just in case you wanted to go back and edit them. To begin, with the phrase "His eyes widening immediately", it should be "widened" and with "Odoms hand, collar, and robes" it should be "Odom's". As well, with "H+ealing spell", it should be "Healing" and with "She is died" it should be "dead". Finally, with "the British branche" it should be "branch". :)

All in all, I think that you have a very interesting idea here - I was certainly intrigued by it. You did a good job with the theme of travel. Good work! :D

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Review #3, by ohmymerlin The traveller

13th July 2013:
Hi there!

This is really interesting! I generally hate everything history/Ancient things (I'm the person that runs from the room whenever someone mentions things like that) but this was a surprise!

It's really intriguing, and I'm thinking I should take a look at the Harbinger to find out more because I was literally at the edge of my seat and panicking because the scrolling thing at the side was nearly at the end! :p

You write really well, the descriptions and terror were just WOW!

However, I did notice one tiny typo:

"There is nothing we can do for her. She is [died]."

It should be 'dead'. ;) Other than that, I didn't notice any other errors!

So yeah, I really enjoyed reading this, which is a massive surprise! Good job! :D

- Kayla. :)

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Review #4, by nott theodore The traveller

13th July 2013:
Hi! I'm here reviewing for Gryffindor in the house cup :)

What a gripping story! The atmosphere is so tense from the beginning and that endures throughout the one-shot, and it makes it really intriguing and exciting to read. I almost feel like I've come away with more questions than answers after reading this, but that works perfectly for a prequel to another story.

From the very beginning I could sense Scorpius' confusion and immediately I wanted, like him, to know what was happening. The story was compelling all the way through, and I couldn't have broken off reading this if I'd wanted to. I'm so curious to know what happened and what's going to happen and I'll definitely be looking out for the Harbinger in the hope that I get an explanation!

I thought you wrote the flashback scene to what happened in St. Mungo's really well - it was so scary and tense, and although at times the descriptions got a bit gruesome, they fit perfectly with the tone. It makes me wonder what sort of creature has managed to get in to the hospital and how it's resistant to all of their magic and protection. For people who are so used to having a natural defence running through their veins, it must be completely terrifying to face a creature that they have no way of fighting.

I'm really intrigued about this new, dystopian world that seems to be in existence. The contrasts you drew between the harsh reality of that world and the almost dreamlike peace and utopia of Avalon were extremely effective. There was some truly brilliant description and imagery in this story too.

As you've already said, there are quite a few typos and mistakes because it hasn't been beta'ed, so I'd recommend that you do get a beta or just have another look through to fix them, because at times it can disrupt the flow a little.

This was a really gripping and compelling entry, with some lovely writing. Great job!

Sian :)

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Review #5, by maskedmuggle The traveller

13th July 2013:
Hey!

Um.. my first reaction was woah? I have to admit one or two places were a bit confusing and it felt a little jumpy as two different things appeared to be happening but they didn't seem to be linked too much (probably because this is only a prequel of sorts). Nevertheless, I thought there were some very intriguing elements in here - particularly all that description about Scorpius and the 'Ancient Circle'. I think that if the purpose of this fic was to create some intrigue and mystery, you certainly achieved that!

As for the story about the St. Mungo's lockdown and the strange creature.. it makes me wonder how it got in there and what kind of creature it was since it seemed incredibly powerful! I did like Scorpius' characterisation though, and he seemed like a decent character. There are probably one or two mistakes here and there, but I think you're probably aware of them since you said yourself that it hadn't been beta'ed yet! Other than that though, this was definitely really unusual, but also a very interesting story!

- Charlotte/maskedmuggle
House Cup 2013 Ravenclaw

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Review #6, by teh tarik The traveller

13th July 2013:
Hello there! I'm here for the House Cup Review-a-thon :)

My goodness, this story has such an incredibly tense and exciting premise! There's so much action, and so many unsettling scenes and just so many questions that I have as I was reading. Who is this Echidna? Just what has Scorpius managed to get himself entangled in? What are these unholy demons known as the Unblessed Ones?And, gah, you mentioned the Seelie Court! I love stories with references to the fae in them, especially the Seelie and the Unseelie Courts. I suppose to really find out more about this mysterious, intriguing but so far incredibly original plot, I'll have to start reading The Harbinger. I will certainly keep a lookout for that story. Anyway, I know I've mentioned this a couple of times, but did your story is just so gripping, right from the very tense start, I was really drawn in by Scorpius' sense of disorientation, and the appearance of the mysterious witch and the reference to the mark on the skin (I loved the description of the mark, by the way: a series of tiny runes glimmered in blue-white bands of an antler crown before fading away. This is such a gorgeous image.)

The flashback to those horrible creatures in St. Mungo's was absolutely terrifying. It's like one of those films you see where the characters are deliberately trapped / quarantined off from the rest of the world (and any chance of escape) with the thing that threatens their very lives. Honestly, reading about Scorpius and the others being locked in with those vicious creatures was just ufidaskljdhasjklda (sorry, not being coherent at all). You really know how to evoke a very visceral and horrifying scene.

The use of descriptive detail was very good in this story. They really gave a good idea of the settings, from the dreamy utopia of Avalon to the smoke-and-blood tainted hospital to the lavishness of the Seelie Court (the last one has to be my favourite). There were so many wonderful details in the descriptive language used, e.g. He blinked the spots from his vision, feeling remarkably well despite the crick in his neck that came from lying on the floor for too long. In fact, there was a distinct lack of pain; no fire seeping into his belly from being gutted alive, no shards of bones that were once his ribs jabbing into his lungs, no tang of blood on his breath. That sentence was so raw with its imagery; I shudder to think what Scorpius must have gone through. I'm not sure how he escape St. Mungo's in the first place, but I'm guessing that he was quite badly injured and nearly didn't make it.

Anyway, I do think you should consider getting a beta :) There were quite a number of spelling and grammatical errors, which can be a little disruptive, but the story in general was excellent, and your writing was easy to follow.

This is a fantastic HC entry, so well done! Great work and I hope to read more of your work soon :)

-teh

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