Reading Reviews for Jostling
  
15 Reviews Found

Review #1, by blackballet trundling

3rd August 2013:
This was so beautiful. I've never read anything from Cho's POV, and I really enjoyed that she wasn't completely heartless. I noticed a couple of typos, but that can be fixed easily. I love inner monologue, so this was definitely for me!

Author's Response: I thought Cho's POV would be really interesting to write a story in, since there's not that much of it, and Cho is such an interesting character. Thank you for pointing out the typos and thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

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Review #2, by Cleopatraa trundling

16th July 2013:
Can I say I really love your opening sentence. But lets face it I loved the whole story and not only the opening sentence. The imagery and descriptions were simply stunning and this was in my opinion a terrific one shot for the house cup this year. Unique, beautiful and emotional .

Author's Response: Thank you so much, I'm so glad you enjoyed reading it! :D

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Review #3, by Courtney Dark trundling

14th July 2013:
Hey there!

Wow, what an interesting, unique and captivating one-shot!

I've never actually read anything from Cho's point of view, so this was a first time experience for me!

I think my favourite thing about this one-shot was your beautiful descriptions and imagery. Simple, yet effective. A line, in particular, that stood out for me was: 'The uneven teeth of city skylines threaten to eat up the dull grey skies, and winter passes sluggishly. Spring comes, and every day, sunlight seems to slip through a crack in my skin, breaking the stones that have built up for so long.' You have a really lovely writing style.

I haven't read much in the second person, which I imagine is quite difficult to write - but I think it worked for this chapter, so nice work!

Great writing!

Courtney:)

Author's Response: I've never written anything in Cho's point of view, so it's great to hear that you liked reading this! Second person is something I love writing in, but I rarely get to use it, and I was a bit worried that it wouldn't fit with the story, but I'm glad to hear that it did! The description was something I focused more on with this story, so thank you for all your lovely comments about it and thank you for this review! :D

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Review #4, by imacullenpottergirl trundling

14th July 2013:
Wow. I'm just all feels at the moment. All the feels.
Argh.

Well, this was such a soul-wrenching and beautiful story, one that I'm sure i'll remember. The way it's written is so heart-breaking and almost so enchanting. And it really is beautifully written. The vocab, the description and the flow is beautiful.

The pain and also the sparks of happiness that Cho feel is written is such a way that is doesn't overpower the story, and I love the use of second person when you are describing 'him'. The sadness really is beautifully communicated, and I love it.

The banner is absolutely beautiful!!! It drew me in as soon as I saw it :) And so did the summary, its very quirky and very very engaging :)

Overall, a very very very very very well written one-shot, and I am really excited to read more form you!!!

- Abhi

Author's Response: omg, my writing gave someone feels! I don't think anyone has ever said that to me, so wow, thank you! :3

I'm really glad you liked the way it was written! Usually I have trouble with making my story summaries engaging, but it's great to hear that you liked both the banner and the summary!

Once again, thank you for this review, Abhi!



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Review #5, by ginerva_molly_weasley trundling

13th July 2013:
This is super super cute! I love this!

I especially like the secrets which are here as it makes her seem more real to admit little things like that. I really like the fact that she says she's only been to Cedric's grave once. I can truly understand that as she is trying to move on with her life and the grief and sadness caused by remembering Cedric in the state in the ground would have been more harmful to her recovery than it would be to just forget for a little while and block it out by not going for a while. The admission that graveyards scare her is also very real as even as a wizard they will have some fears which you showed well.

I also love love stories so having Cho introduced to a muggle helps bring in the possibility of future love and future chapters which is fabulous! I also like that they're going to the same place so will have something to talk about on the way there.

I did like this.

Well done
GinevraMollyPotter

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Review #6, by ImagineHarmony trundling

13th July 2013:
Hi!

Your gorgeous banner and amazing, catchy summary just got me. And oh, your description and all your words are so true and realistic, and so very artistic! Everything about the trains and the way you arranged everything made it a sweet, simple, sad story that is a bit romantic and just honestly beautiful.

I really love this, I love this alot. This is such a creative piece of work and so creative and you've expanded the travel theme and made it all so beautiful.

Ugh, I'm out of words. I'm just passing out flatteryness. GREAT JOB WITH THIS!

- TheVividImagination for the House Cup 2013
Hufflepuff

Author's Response: So glad you like the banner and the summary! Sweet, simple, and sad with a touch of romance was just what I was going for! Thank you so much for this amazing review! :D

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Review #7, by Lululuna trundling

13th July 2013:
Hello! :)

Wow, this was so powerfully written and uplifting at the same time. I really enjoyed reading your beautifully constructed prose and how you gave the often forgotten and mistreated Cho a voice. I really like how you portrayed her, as a girl trying to get by and how she's both still emotionally damaged from Cedric's death yet strangely detached. The way she described death and cemeteries was very chilling, and I almost feel like she was hoping for a release from the necessity for cold grief.

The use of "you" for Cho's new love interest was very effective in my opinion. I wasn't sure for the story whether the character was a boy or a girl, which was also interesting, and the fact that he was a Muggle yet seemed to understand and relate to Cho's grief just fit so well, and I enjoyed the balance of simplicity and implied depth to their conversation and relationship.

The language and writing style here was so eloquent and flowed really beautifully, it was a real pleasure to read. I liked how Cho came across as being well-spoken and intelligent - she is a Ravenclaw, after all! And how she recognized and addressed her own grief and depression.

I loved this line: "Iíve finally grasped the world with both hands so tightly, knuckles orange-stained, and swallowed it, the sweet juice mingling with saliva." Oh, and this one: "I made a spectrum out of their eyes: grey, brightening to blue and then morphing into green, hazel, brown, dark brown. I remember their lips, the way they brushed against mine like moth wings, then disintegrating and leaving a thin film of dust." The whole piece, really. It was so splendidly and richly written, with character and grace and grief. I loved it! I hope you're very proud of this lovely bit of poetry, and for giving Cho some representation and voice! Amazing job! :D

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Review #8, by ohmymerlin trundling

13th July 2013:
Hello!

I really liked the style of this one-shot! I loved the narration of it and Cho's angst! You wrote it absolutely wonderfully!

Also, I absolutely ADORED the banner for this! You have some serious talent!

I also loved the way you wrote the environment surrounding Cho, you're really good at descriptions!

So overall, I loved this one-shot, it was written really well and very in-character! :D

10/10

- Kayla. :)

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Review #9, by Wistful trundling

13th July 2013:
Oh. My. God.

I really - this was beautiful.

This was such a compelling piece to read, and I loved reading this. Your description had me in awe, and I was heartbroken over your portrayal of Cho. This was so real that I'm almost certain that it truly happened in the books, that it was some part that JK Rowling never included. It's just devestating: the beginning. Everything. I just really cannot find words. "It tasted like teenage angst and regret," is such an accurate description. And how Cho wants to let go but could not find it in herself to do so. And the ending. I wish I could say properly how amazing I found this and how much I enjoyed it but no words.

The description - it was so strong I would think I was really there. I felt like I was. This was fantastic.

This was really beautiful.

-Wistful
House Cup 2013
Slytherin

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Review #10, by academica trundling

13th July 2013:
Hello!

I love all the different themes you included in this piece. It's interesting that Cho felt so bored with her adult life in the beginning and yet so inundated with grief for Cedric. In fact, I thought the parts where you described her sadness were some of the most poignant and interesting parts of this piece.

I also liked the second part, though. It feels right for Cho to begin overcoming her sadness by taking an adventure. It was like a new beginning when she met her eventual husband and felt new life by biting into the orange. The imagery in the final two paragraphs was really beautiful.

Great job!

Amanda
Ravenclaw
House Cup 2013


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Review #11, by LilyEPotter trundling

13th July 2013:
Hi! Here for the House Cup review!

I can see how Cho had trouble moving on from Cedric if she was so focused on what happens after death.

Adding the second person view into the story and blending it with the third person was different - very much like reading a novel and a choose-a-plot adventure. I had jut a little difficulty at the beginning of the second person mainly because I missed the cue for it. Perhaps bring the reader's attention to it a little more?

I do like that Cho met her future husband on her adventure. It was also interesting they were both going to the cemetery.

Great story!

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Review #12, by Athene Goodstrength trundling

13th July 2013:
Here from the House Cup!

This story is incredibly beautiful. Ugly/beautiful in places, but just stunning all the time. Your selection and deployment of language is really creative and evocative. The imagery is almost hard to look at, but so vivid that I couldn't help it.

This was a really refreshing and interesting take on Cho. I really love the perspective on her relationships after Cedric - I'm oddly gratified to find a story where Harry isn't where her life starts and ends.

The only criticism I might have (and it's a small one, and a matter of personal taste - so I hope you're not offended and feel free to disregard!) is the use of the term 'life system' to describe the orange. It feels a little laboured, which is perhaps why it stands out to me in this otherwise seamless story... The vibrancy and life of the oranges has already been established, and I think the way that you go on to so effectively describe the decay beneath their feet is enough to draw a contrast. It's just me, but I might just have said 'orange' again there ;)

I really enjoyed reading this. You're a credit to Ravenclaw!

- Athene

SDWTSST

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Review #13, by Violet Gryfindor trundling

12th July 2013:
Wow, this story is excellently written, especially that first section with its confessional style, the intimacy of which offers more insight into Cho's character than we get from the entire HP series. I'm drawn to your portrayal of Cho as being caught in stasis - wanting to move on, but finding it impossible. Her world is cast in shades of death - she can't overcome what happened, and I think that a lot of her problem is also guilt, that if she does move on, it will be at Cedric's expense. She has to leave him behind, but she needs to find a way of doing so that doesn't mean abandoning his memory. It's a moving depiction of a grief transformed into depression (if not outright melancholy), and the style - fragmented, broken, perfectly reflects her state of mind.

This creates an interesting contrast with the second half of the story. Its language flows more smoothly, giving a sense of movement - the movement of the train, Cho's movement into a different state of mind. She becomes less morbid, instead revealing her sensitivity to the world around her, the things that have been and are - she's able to revel in experiencing the outside world, taking comfort in its real-ness. The way that you introduced this second with that hopeful statement "I'm going on an adventure" - well, it at least sounds hopeful - is curious, and I'm still thinking over that line. Does she mean "adventure" ironically, or does it instead point to just how isolated and reclusive she has become? Or does it also foreshadow what's to come, that the next big adventure is waiting for her, and she's finally going out to seek it? There's a lot just in that one line - it suits the style of the story as a whole, how it is open-ended and bittersweet. Cho is in this in-between stage, and it is oddly fitting that in revisiting the grave - the memory that keeps holding her back - she discovers the way forward.

There's something elusive and ambiguous about the story that makes me keep looking back, reading over sentences and paragraphs. I've really enjoyed reading this and I think you've done a wonderful job with Cho's characterization. However, it's the style of your writing that makes this story so compelling, your use of imagery and your syntax coming together to create something beautiful. Incredible work! ^_^

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Review #14, by ATLpaintingflowers trundling

12th July 2013:
This was beautiful, that was legitimately the word I thought of when I was reading this. I almost kind of cried at the end. I love how this is not just a physical journey, but an emotional journey as well. I loved how she learned to let go at the end. You captured the theme of traveling wonderfully. Really this was great.
10/10

Author's Response: Thank you, I can't believe it almost made someone cry! Yes, it was definitely also an emotional journey for Cho, perhaps more so than a physical one, and I think that, too, was also part of her traveling. I'm really glad you liked it!

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Review #15, by patronus_charm trundling

11th July 2013:
Hello there, Iím here for a bit of Ravenclaw review tag!

Iíve just finished reading this one-shot and Iím feeling a bit in awe and slightly jealous of your amazing talent. This one-shot was simply brilliant, and I loved everything about it! It fitted the house cup theme so well and especially with Cho having the leading part of it which gave it even more house spirit!

You had really wonderful imagery in this one-shot, some of the best Iíve come across in a long time if Iím honest. Iím going to bore you with quoting my favourite parts but itís so good I canít let it go! ĎBoredom is a fungus, and it festers in the soul, sucking all color, all light, all life.í ♥ and this ĎI made a spectrum out of their eyes: grey, brightening to blue and then morphing into green, hazel, brown, dark brown.í Theyíre just so wonderfully unique and eloquently written, I adored them!

Choís characterisation in this one-shot was also excellent executed! You made her a sympathetic and relatable character and thatís something hard to do for her. One thing I really liked was how vulnerable you made her. The fear of the graveyards was something which represented that really well and it was such a poignant moment. It really showed how much Cedricís death affected her and continued to do even years on, and it honestly brought a few tears to my eyes!

Then there was another aspect of the one-shot which was also great and that was the way Cho grabbled with other peopleís expectations of her. You showed it in lots of ways such as them thinking she visited Cedricís grave regularly and how they were telling her to let go yet she didnít want to. I donít really know if Iím really expressing what I truly feel but what I want to say is that you handled her complex emotions regarding it all brilliantly and Iím very impressed by it.

Then her adventure! That was lovely ♥ You managed to change the mood of the story there really well moving it from bittersweet to almost hopefully perfectly. I could just sense the different atmosphere now that she had left her house and how that affected her mood and it all worked really well.

The use of second person narrative worked really well here! It didnít faze me at all and flowed seamlessly into the story which isnít something I can always say about it! Iím glad that you didnít reveal his name because he felt more canon and real in a way. I also thought his characterisation was amazingly well written here too. I found him oddly identifiable for the little I knew about him.

The ending line ĎBehind me, a trainís whistle echoes distantlyí was a perfect way to wrap up the one-shot. It sort of symbolised that the worries of Choís former life were now disappearing and with this man she could hopefully have a better one.

I am going to wrap up this review too, due to running out of adjectives to describe this story! I really, really loved it and thought it was perfect! ♥

-Kiana

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