Reading Reviews for Potter's North to Alaska
  
19 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Faith100z Potters North to Alaska

25th July 2013:
Hi there! I really liked this! I don't think I've ever read a story about the Potters taking a family trip, especially when the trip is to a Muggle location.

The bit about Ron becoming "Supreme Ruler of the Auror office" made me laugh :) Just a bit of CC: I think flue is spelt Floo in the books, so just watch out for that. I loved the detail you put into the towns they were stopping in and such. It made it really realistic and entertaining. Great job!

Author's Response: I have some experience going to those towns so I really wanted to incorporate them into the story, also the supreme ruler is the title i would give my self in Ron's position, thanks for reviewing!

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Review #2, by typewriter Potters North to Alaska

25th July 2013:
Hello!

I thought it was an interesting pick to have the Potters and Teddy (the honorary Potter) go to Alaska of all places! It was quite funny and entertaining. The reason for the trip was hysterical and believable, what with Harry wanting to go because of a cursed Alaska pamphlet. It would make sense that he would want to follow up with something like that, as an Auror. Grammatically, there were some errors in this story that could easily be corrected with another run through over the story with a fresh pair of eyes. Also, you mis-wrote the word "Floo" as "flue", not that it's a big deal. Just pointing it out. :)

~Amanda

Author's Response: Haha the word floo is now my bane of existence, I did notice there was some mistakes and my goal in the month of august is to go through and fix it up and make it all shiny :) thanks for the review

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Review #3, by Ron 4 Hermione Potters North to Alaska

14th July 2013:
Wow, and that was only the journey? Well I'm not surprised they didn't stay very long!

I loved the way you wrote this, it was a different style to most fics I read but it fit really well with the story and I could just imagine Teddy sat there saying all this at work!

Loved the line "Supreme Ruler of the Auror office. Yeah. the power went a little to his head." I'm going to presume it was Ron but it just made me laugh, love it!

Blowing up a gas station? Wow, genius idea and those poor muggles. I think it's a good idea they had there memories wiped! Overall I think this was a great story, nice job!

Author's Response: Thanks so much! Yeah it was Ron and I can totally see him doing that.

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Review #4, by EnigmaticEyes16 Potters North to Alaska

13th July 2013:
Hey there! LOL, this was pretty funny. Sounds like their trip got cut short. I liked the idea of having them use the flue network to get to the US and then to get to the other side of the US. Although I didn't know they scheduled that sort of thing, at first I just thought you were talking about portkeys, but I don't know. I suppose they might have restrictions on flooing as well.

Anyway, I thought this was super funny and random, and I very much enjoyed reading it, although I feel like it was all a little bit rushed through, but that might just be me.

Anyhow, good luck to you and your house in the competition. And good job on your story!

xxEnigmaticEyes16

Author's Response: Thank you so fantastimagicly much! heh new word :) I understand it was rushed and after this month is over I will re-submit it to slow it down and better it a little. When writing this story I thought taking a portkey all the way to america would be really exhausting, I'm pretty sure floo travel wouldn't be fun either but with a specialized network I would assume you wouldn't go through as many fire places so you can make it there a little faster. Once again thanks for the review!

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Review #5, by Courtney Dark Potters North to Alaska

13th July 2013:
House Cup Review! Yay!

Sorry, I am honestly awful at introductions *cringes* and I'm having some serious trouble typing as I jammed my finger in a door last night and its all numb and prickly.

But ANYWAY, we are here to talk about your lovely story, not my issues, even though I am VERY important.

Ahem. Please don't think I'm arrogant or anything.

This was a really cute, fun story to read. I actually really liked the format in which you told it - Teddy literally telling us the story, as in looking back into a past experience. And from what we saw of each of the characters you included, I think you did a really good job making each of their personalities unique! I especially liked Albus, being the 'wise guy' and talking about random facts and insisting that they are true.

Nice job!
Courtney:)

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I hope to edit this story a little but not change too much of it because I had a lot of fun writing it.

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Review #6, by Trundlebug Potters North to Alaska

13th July 2013:
I liked this story. You really wrote it in an interesting and quite unusual way. Teddy was funny and I enjoyed your characterizations of the others.

The real gem is how you've actually made it easy to visualize this trip and made it seem real with all of the facts you worked into the piece. It's a real interesting story, and the thought of a carload of zany wizards on the Parks Highway makes me laugh.

An "A" for a fine effort.

Ken

Author's Response: Thanks A whole bunch!

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Review #7, by HollyStone73 Potters North to Alaska

13th July 2013:
This is cute! As someone who was...ah..fortunate/unfortunate (depending on what time of year it was lol) to have lived in Alaska for several years, both in Anchorage and Fairbanks, I found this most amusing. While there aren't really as many places to stop along the six hour drive between the two cities I still enjoyed this a lot. I love that Harry wanted to travel as a Muggle through it all and love that everyone was irritable about it all. This was very well-written and fun to read! Great job!

Author's Response: Thank you! I understand the fortune/ curse of living in Alaska and sometimes it can really be a pain in the butt. Ok forgive me for this next part... live's a climb but the view is great. Sad right? but that's the best description I can honestly give.

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Review #8, by AC_rules Potters North to Alaska

13th July 2013:
Hi there Hufflepuff Blitz!

I really loved some of the entertaining bits in this story. I can definitely imagine Lily being a very sassy kid (in my head canon, Harry accidentally spoils he kinds a bit - he doesn't mean to, but he had a rough time so I feel like I'll let him off), and I can imagine that would lead to her being a bit embarrassed by a minivan (which is obviously completely and utterly cool - pfft, LIly)

Your Teddy's pov was really humourous, but in parts I felt like it could be a little clearer. What with the last bit when Harry asks who he's speaking too, I think you should make it clear that Teddy is telling the story to the 'imaginary kittens sitting in my office' to really highlight the humour in that.

I'd love to go to Alaska, and I feel like this captures some of the spirit of the family holiday pretty well - ever quite ends up how you'd expected.

Nice job!

-Ac

Author's Response: Thanks a lot! I do plan on editing it after the house cup is over to bump up the quality some :)

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Review #9, by nott theodore Potters North to Alaska

13th July 2013:
Hi! I'm here reviewing for Gryffindor in the house cup :)

This was a really interesting story - I particularly liked the plot of the family going to Alaska, after going on a sort of road trip through America - it sounds like such a fun holiday that I want to go on it, too! One detail I loved was the fact that this was from Teddy's POV, because I've always thought that he was really close to Harry and the rest of the Potters, and him going on holiday with them proves something like that.

I really liked your characterisation of Teddy in this one-shot. Although I got a bit confused at the beginning about why he was talking to imaginary kittens, I thought that there was a lot of humour in his narrative which made it really enjoyable to read.

I liked all of the facts that you included about places and people in Alaska! I don't really know anything about the state so it was very interesting to read them and I liked the way that you incorporated them into the dialogue at times as well, as it helped with the flow of the story.

As for CC, I'm sure there are certain typos that have been pointed out to you by now so I won't mention them, but I would have liked this to be a bit longer with a bit more detail. I know there was a time limit, but some more description and maybe more dialogue would really help to enhance this story.

Overall, I really enjoyed reading this one-shot and I think you did a good job with it!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Thanks Sian! sorry it took me so long to respond. :/ I had kittens on my mind so I decided h shall talk to kittens. :) I am working on adding a lot more detail and fix some mistakes like the word floo. thanks for leaving a review!

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Review #10, by ginerva_molly_weasley Potters North to Alaska

13th July 2013:
Hey there!

This story is actually quite interesting. I love the idea that it's written from Teddy's point of view as first person really gives you a chance to look for the thoughts and feelings of a character which I really liked here. The nostalgia of looking back on his trip was also a nice touch.

One of the things I would say is that it felt a little bit rushed here and there. If you slowed the pace down and really focused on the characters rather than having a lot and mentioning them all in passing then I feel it would have made more of an impact on the reader.

I do like the fact that so much magic and jokes were going on but surely a colour change charm would have classed as doing magic outside Hogwarts for all of the little Potter's so maybe that could be something to think about here.

Well done
GinevraMollyPotter- Slytherin!

Author's Response: Hey thanks for the review, you had me confused with the last part but I looked back in the story and it did say Teddy was seventeen during this story and it was before his seventh year, but thanks for checking! should be updated soon.

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Review #11, by maskedmuggle Potters North to Alaska

13th July 2013:
Hey!

I enjoyed reading your story and for your first one-shot this is nicely written! I liked the whole plot idea of them going to Alaska, and I definitely felt like you really strongly incorporated the travel theme. It was really interesting to read about Mount McKinley/Denali and I loved how you incorporated real places in this story.

I was a bit uncertain about a few sentences and the flow of the story at places, so you might like to consider getting a beta just to read your one-shot and give you some more detailed feedback - it'd make your story even better than it already is :) I really liked Teddy's characterisation here, but I think everyone was portrayed quite realistically. I especially liked Lily's "Why can't we get a mustang" comment! Great job on this story! :)

- Charlotte/maskedmuggle
House Cup 2013 Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing sorry it took me so long! I am currently re-editing the story to spruce it up a bit! :)

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Review #12, by PolyJuice_ Potters North to Alaska

13th July 2013:
This was absolutely brilliant! c:

I'm not going to point out the word flue, as I'm sure you've heard it by this point, but instead I'll focus on the fantastic-ness of it all. ;) The way Teddy was really..I dunno how to say it, one of them made me just feel all warm and gushy, I'm so happy he found a family.

Road trip, though, gah. I'm surprised they all managed to live with six of them, haha.

Again, there were some grammar errors but nothing, I'm sure, you haven't noticed/had pointed out to you, so I'll leave it at that.

Once again, I loved the story, it gave me a nice laugh, and I'm glad the HC made you write it, and me, in turn, read it!

Liz

House Cup ~ 2013 ~ Slytherin

Author's Response: Thanks for the review liz! Sorry for my slowness ._. thanks for the floo no mention i kinda hated that word after this story. hopefully i will get an update soon for it.

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Review #13, by Beeezie Potters North to Alaska

13th July 2013:
This is a really cute story.

I liked that you took the travel prompt so literally. I've read a lot of stories at this point that took a more nuanced, metaphorical approach, and while there's merit in that, too, it's really nice to just sit down to read a cute little story about vacation.

There were a lot of things I liked about your portrayal of this. First and foremost, I loved the way you showed that Teddy truly was a part of Harry's family. Not only did he go on this vacation with them (and, it seems like you imply, many others), but you could also tell that he had a very sibling-like relationship with the Potter children. I especially loved that he turned James's hair pink; that's definitely the sort of thing I can see magical siblings doing to each other!

I also thought that the way you tried to be specific about the places they were visiting was great. The effort you clearly put in paid off; it definitely made the story feel more authentic. They were clearly traveling through Alaska, not anywhere else, and I liked that. I'm not sure if you researched it or are just familiar with the area, but either way, it was a nice touch, and I preferred it to a generic story about going to a place the reader clearly doesn't know much about.

There are a couple things I do want to point out that you would work on for the future, though. :)

First, I would have liked to see a little more detail in certain places. That's not to say I wanted long descriptions - this wasn't that kind of story, and that's totally okay - but inserting a few details here and there can make the story seem much richer.

For example, in the very beginning, you mention that all Teddy had to do at work that day was deal with a child who turned his family into ducks, but you don't go any further into it. It would have added a layer of interest and creativity if you'd mentioned how he dealt with it - even a simple, "a simple reversal charm did the trick, though I still wasn't sure how no one had thought to stop him before they could do nothing but quack" or something would have done it. Again, it doesn't need to be much; a little detail here and there can make a huge difference in how invested a reader gets in your world.

Second, there were some minor grammatical problems scattered throughout the story. They're not a huge deal - they're actually really easy to fix, once you know the rules - but at the same time, in general, the more polished the story is, the better, so it's good to keep them in mind.

You misspelled "flue" - in the HP world, it should actually be "Floo." ;)

You had several random words capitalised here and there throughout the story. "Rescued" in After we Rescued Albus should have been lower case, because it's not at the beginning of the sentence or a proper noun. The same was true of "Goal" in Harry's Goal was to rent.

You also had a tendency to capitalise dialogue tags ("he said," "bawled Lily," "replied Ginny," etc), which you're really not supposed to do until they come before the dialogue. It does look a little strange, but it is supposed to be "That is so embarrassing!" bawled Lily. :)

Those are just some little things to work on. Overall, this was a fun read. I thought you captured the family dynamic well, and I enjoyed this story a lot!

House Cup 2013 - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Thanks so much! The word floo is now my worst enemy. :p after the house cup I might find time to go in and edit some of the stuff. Once again Thankyou!

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Review #14, by Siriuslover177 Potters North to Alaska

13th July 2013:
This was a very interesting story.
I have never read a story being told like this, and quite frankly I really liked it!
I was really different, and funny!
It was straight to the point as well, and I do like those(:
Great job!

~Sarah

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I plan to go back and fix some of the fine details like grammar and what not. :)

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Review #15, by DracoFerret11 Potters North to Alaska

12th July 2013:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from Ravenclaw on the forums here to review for you for the House Cup 2013! :D So, let's go over things:

Grammar/Spelling: The only mistake that I noticed was the misspelling of the word "Floo." That's the correct Harry Potter world spelling, instead of "flue." :)

Characterization: I loved how you characterized Teddy! I was really happy to see that he was part of the Potter family and so accepted by them. Ginny was my second-favorite. :) I can definitely see her acting this way.

Descriptions: I think I would have liked to read more about how things looked, sounded, etc. I know we had a time limit, so I totally understand, but if you were ever to edit this story, that's what I'd recommend adding more of--detail.

Emotions: This sort of goes along with details. The story was humorous and made me smile, but I would almost like to hear more about what was going on with Teddy throughout the trip.

Plot: I loved that Teddy accompanied the Potters on their vacation! How sweet! The overarching story, though, (about Teddy talking to imaginary kittens?) was a bit strange. And at the end you say that Harry's face is "aged"--how old is he now? Wow! But overall, I thought this was cute. :)

Interactions: I think it would have been interesting to have the trip described better. Like...more dialogue maybe? To show how horrified Albus when was he was puked on or how annoyed James was throughout or things like that. I loved the events of the story, but it's sort of a "show, don't tell" thing, y'know? :)

Overall, I think you did a good job! Congratulations on this and good luck with the House Cup!

--Emily

Author's Response: Thanks Emily! I have a very very rough edit in the works write now with some of your suggestions, which after i work on my novel some and a competition story right now I plan to get it done :)

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Review #16, by ShadowRose Potters North to Alaska

12th July 2013:
Hi there - here for the House Cup review thingy! (it has a name, I just chose to ignore it)

This is a really funny concept - the five Potters plus Teddy going on a road trip. The banter was hilarious, and I could really imagine them arguing as they drove - it was definitely the typical family car ride, although it's only enhanced by the fact that they're all wizards. :P

I like how you included real-life details in this story, like the roads, the gas station fire, and the cat/mayor (being the political geek that I am, I already knew about that one, haha). It shows that you put a lot of effort into this one-shot, and it's definitely appreciated by readers. :)

I noticed a few grammatical errors here. For example, "flue" should be "Floo." Also, there are a couple sentences where the wording is a little odd, or the punctuation is off. I'd suggest getting a quick beta to read over this, because those few little changes can really improve a story a lot!

Also, I'd love to see you elaborate a little more on their travels. I know that it needs to be under 5000 words for House Cup purposes, but there's still a lot of detail you can add with that space. I'd love to hear more about each place they visited, and things like that. :)

Overall, this was a very entertaining one-shot! Good job!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)

Author's Response: Thanks for your review! I appreciate all the advice you have given!

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Review #17, by LilyEPotter Potters North to Alaska

12th July 2013:
Hi! Here for the House Cup review!

This is a very nice story about the travails of traveling. I could hear the bickering of the four children while in the car. And then discovering that he's been talking aloud to himself while in his office was priceless! Adding in the small facts about the local places was a very nice touch.

Great story!

Author's Response: Thanks! I had a lot of fun writing this

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Review #18, by purplepotter77 Potters North to Alaska

12th July 2013:
Purplepotter775 from Ravenclaw on the forums, here for the House Cup!

This story was very funny and entertaining! I loved the idea of the Potter family and Teddy (who is practically a part of the Potter family) all going on a trip together to Alaska.

I can't believe that the mayor of Talkeetna is a cat! It would be so amazing to live in a town where the mayor is a cat!

One small criticism is that 'flue' should be changed to 'Floo'. Other than that, I really liked this story! It was so amusing to read about the Potter's trip! :D

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I had a lot of fun writing this story

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Review #19, by LittleLionGirl Potters North to Alaska

12th July 2013:
Oh my HuffPuff. This was a job well done I have to tell you. Very fluffy and enjoyable :) You come up with the most amazing, crazy ideas and this defiantly doesn't fall short :)
XOXOXOX,
LLG

Author's Response: Thanks! I wanna use the phrase 'oh my HufflePuff' now. once again thanks for leaving a review!

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