Reading Reviews for Faction Before Blood
  
12 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Anonymous The Initiation Process; Phase One

12th August 2013:
Next chapter. Please. This rocks.

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Review #2, by APerkins The Initiation Process; Phase One

23rd July 2013:
This is fantastic!. It is really hard to write in the present tense the way you are doing and you are doing a great job.

Have you ever tried to bite your own thumb? Ugh that sounds disgusting! And just like a Dauntless initiation, it gave me the horrors. I like the interaction between Ginny and Hermione, I it is good to have the two of them together.
really liked the way Pansy exited, end expected Draco to follow. My only disappointment was that we didn't see a little bit of insight into the character of Malfoy at that point in time. You know, relief that the annoying prat was finally gone, a flash of guilt at ditching her - something to show a little more of what type of character he was (other than just his nastiness) I guess that is only because I'm assuming he will become a fairly major player in the story cause the rest of it I really liked.
I've actually sent you a PM in the forums - if you get a chance read it - cause I'm pretty ashamed of the last review I sent, It is way harsh, and not quite what I wanted to say! I love the concept of this story! Please keep writing, and don't let a nasty review get you down, this is a really excellent story and I am hanging out for the next chapter!
Anthea.

Author's Response: Ah, if it isn't my favorite reviewer! Let me tell you, I didn't necessarily think of your review as harsh - just a little more blunt than I'm used to on this particular site - but I loved it! I love it when my readers are into my story enough to love it AND notice its flaws rather than doing one or the other. And thank you; it is rather difficult to write in present tense continuously - I've already slipped into past tense a few times in chapter 3 and have had to go back and fix it within the first page!
And, whenever I'm writing, I try to do some of the things that my characters do - nothing too extreme! - just so I can get a feel for how to describe it. I DID try biting my thumb when writing that section to the point of drawing blood but, alas, I was too much of a wimp. Let's just say Dauntless wouldn't be for myself. Maybe Amity. I'm more artistic than I am a daredevil.. Anyways, I tried biting my thumb, it hurt, I cried, and typed the story. With a throbbing thumb. And cried. Like a baby.
Okay, that last bit was a lie - I didn't cry. Just grimaced like a teenager and wrote her first attempt from personal experience (don't do it. It hurts!).
And I wrote the entire chapter WITHOUT the bit with Draco and Pansy at first, but then I felt that, since there wasn't any perspective of his in there, that would at least let the reader know that his life hasn't been great and all and that it would hint at a possible confrontation between himself and Hermione in the future of the story.
I read the PM and I replied - again, no need to apologize. I love that you let me know what was up!
Thank you very much for your review and I really hope you leave me a great review for chapter 3 as well!
Love,
Welchie!


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Review #3, by academica The Initiation Process; Phase One

17th July 2013:
Hi, I'm back to review your second chapter! I'm still interested in reading your reply to my first review :)

You know what? I'm proud of Hermione for choosing Dauntless, and I like how you mentioned here that the obvious choice for her would have been Erudite. Knowing the way Divergent went, it's kind of cool that you chose to use her because of that little fork-in-the-road moment. Anyway, her comment to Draco proves that she's developed nerves of steel after all she went through!

I like your version of the first round of initiation. It was a little gross to imagine, but it makes sense considering what Dauntless stands for. It was also interesting to see Pansy get caught cheating and face the reality of being factionless, and without Draco there to comfort her.

Hmm, I wonder what will come in the next chapter? I'd like to come back and read on soon. I'm predicting that Hermione will team up with Ginny and face some things she wasn't expecting in the forest--but who knows if Draco will join them. Anyway, I'm excited to read more. Nice job!

-Amanda

Author's Response: Ah, quite the little faithful reviewer, aren't ya! Love it! Anyhooters, thank you for reviewing - as always - and now let's skip the boring intro and dive straight into the reply!
I struggled for a few hours on who my main character would be - I even once considered Malfoy - but then, I realized the only real way to begin a HP/Divergent crossover story as the first of its kind is to have the character proportional in HP to Tris in Divergent - Hermione. And, how can it be a heartstopping crossover of love and despair unless Hermione is paired with her Romeo, Malfoy? So, I had my characters. I just needed a good plot and, Merlin, if you knew what I have in store for you readers... Whoo!
Like I said to another reviewer, the scene with Pansy wasn't in Chapter 2 at first, but I ended up adding it on a whim because, honestly, I felt that since that chapter didn't sport any Draco perspective, it should at least highlight a bit more on his life outside of Hogwarts and how the war affected it, foreshadowing to his and Hermione's big cliched moment in the story of him talking about his mummy and daddy issues and how it's not all peaches and cream for him at home.
Your prediction is fairly close to the truth, but you'll just have to read and find out!
Love,
Welchie!


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Review #4, by academica The Choosing Ceremony

8th July 2013:
Hello! This story was recommended to me by a couple of folks and I loved Divergent, so I thought I'd stop by and check out your take on it.

I think one thing that presents a challenge when trying to do a crossover of this type is figuring how to integrate ideas from the crossover story into the Potterverse without making things feel forced. I was wondering how you'd make the factions work, and I feel like the rationale you chose was good. It's clear from canon that the Hogwarts students had some trouble coming together and being willing to form secure bonds across House lines, particularly in the case of Slytherin. It could have gotten better after Voldemort's demise, but I'm sure some sentiment would always linger there. Thus, I can see why the Ministry might want to try something radical like this to re-organize things.

One thing I was a little confused about was who exactly had to go to the faction style and who could remain in the house style. The letter made it sound sort of like it would only be the first years who would make the transition for this first cycle, but then everyone had to do so in the second section. I would maybe go back and just be a little more detailed about that, if not in the letter then as part of McGonagall's introductory speech to the students.

I liked the selection scene and how difficult it was for Hermione to make up her mind. She seemed a lot like Tris in that she made sort of an impulsive decision there at the end. It will be interesting to see how each of the characters copes with his or her new Faction, especially since a lot of Gryffindors and Slytherins chose the same Faction. I also noticed that a lot of the same House sentiments remained despite the Ministry's attempt at overhaul, in terms of the Ravenclaws grouping together and only Hufflepuff really getting spread out among the different Factions. It makes me curious as to how much the system will actually change, but who knows, there could be a lot of difficulties that I'm not anticipating at this moment.

There's just one comment I want to make about formatting. I suspect that you're using the regular editor to post chapters, judging by the wide spacing. I'd recommend using the Simple Editor because it makes things look more clean and it's easier to use bold, italics, centering, etc. that way.

Interesting start! Hopefully I'll get a chance to come back and check out your next chapter soon.

Amanda :)

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you very much for your review and also, thank you for your constructive criticism! I'll admit that chapter one could use some cleaning up - I did write it and post it at 2 am, anyway - and I plan to go back to it after I placate my readers with a few more chappies!
You'll see the system changing as well as remaining the same throughout the rest of the story and, let me be honest, a few changes are going to be quite surprising.
Anyhooters, thank you very much for your review!
Love,
Welchie!


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Review #5, by Yayy im a Hufflepuff The Initiation Process; Phase One

8th July 2013:
Ooh please please please update quickly. Having read book one and two of the divergent series I don't think you could have crossed these over any better. Well done can't wait for the next chapter :)

Author's Response: Aw, thank's hon! I hope you continue to read after I FINALLY finish editing this chapter 3! Thank you again!
Love,
Welchie!


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Review #6, by patronus_charm The Initiation Process; Phase One

8th July 2013:
The beginning of this chapter was really great. You got the right mix of Hermione second guessing whether she made the right choice, which I would expect her to do. Then you developed some tension between her and Draco which really added to it. Iím so glad that they dislike each other right now as itís a lot more realistic.

Even though Iíve read the Divergent books it was really interesting to hear about the initiation process again. I think the change of perspective with them not knowing anything about it really added to it. Iím just so excited to see the rest of it and how the factions effect the overall story.

One thing I really liked is how you wrote it in present tense like the books. It really added something to the story and kept a sense of familiarity even though itís harder, in my opinion, to write in than past.

The scene between Draco and Pansy really was great. I sort of surprised she chose it but then pretending her lipstick was blood proved that she was exactly the sort of person who really didnít belong here. The interaction between Ginny and Hermione was great too, and I canít wait to see more of their friendship.

The only thing I found a bit odd was the way Hermione changed between Ron and Ronald, I think itís best to stick to one so thereís a sense of continuity, but other than it was a great chapter! ♥

-Kiana

Author's Response: Heya! Thank you for the review and now, let's get to you reply, eh?
I'm really happy you like my characterization, and, yeah, I wrote the first chapter in past tense but it just didn't feel right to me, so I went back and changed it. However, now that I'm writing the next few chapters, I'm realizing just how difficult it is yet how easy it is to slip into present tense - I do it frequently! - but I'm managing. And, yeah, I want the initiation process to have a certain edge of mystery to it, though you'll notice that it'll closely follow the initiation process of the Divergent series, though with my own twists into it.
Now, the scene with Pansy and Draco didn't originally happen, but I went back to the chapter and slipped it in there because I wanted to add more to Draco's personality, though in a subtle way. Ish.
I know she switches back and forth between Ron and Ronald, but it's more of a Jekyll and Hyde kind of thing; He's Ron when she's feeling slightly loving toward him, but Ronald when something about him has pissed her off. Make sense, love?
Once again, thank you for your review and - Oh my word! I forgot to give you a big THANK YOU, YOU LOVELY, LOVELY READER for suggesting my story in the forums. Really made my day to find that out and you. Are. Awesome.
Much loves,
Welchie!


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Review #7, by DracoFerret11 The Choosing Ceremony

3rd July 2013:
Hello there! I saw someone recommend this story in the "Crossovers" thread on the forums and figured I'd check it out. I LOVE the "Divergent" series and am super excited to see where this story will go if you choose to continue it. So, I have a form that I go through while I review to hopefully provide the best feedback possible. Let's get started:

Characterization: Okay, we have Hermione mainly, as well as Harry, Ron, Ginny, and Draco. And then we've got McGonagall, Dumbledore, and Snape. Let's start with the teachers. :) I loved them all, to be honest. I think you really showed their characters well. I might have liked to see more resistance from McGonagall. This is changing her entire school, after all. I think it would be interesting to see just how she feels about it (though that can obviously be worked through the rest of the story too, and you did touch on it in this chapter). As for Dumbledore and Snape: great job! I think they were both true-to-canon. :) So, students! Draco is his predictable brat of a self. I love that. :) And Ginny really fits in Dauntless! Cool! I wouldn't have thought of that right off the bat, but I really agree with that choice. I feel bad that Ron has been left alone in Amity, but I'm not all that fond of Ron, so I guess I'm okay with it. Be careful not to let him fall into a predictable-hating-Hermione type role. That happens a lot in Dramiones (I would know, I accidentally do it sometimes!). As for Harry, I LOVE that you put him in Abnegation. He fits there so, so well! Great choice! And I'm really excited to see how Hermione fits in in Dauntless. I don't know if I would have thought of her there, but I think it will be an interesting idea to explore. :)

Descriptions: I loved what you had, but I could go for even more. :) I'd like to see what people's facial expressions are, what the mood is in the hall more, how empty and odd and different everything feels, etc.

Emotions: This is also a place where you can really focus on how these changes are affecting the characters. You mention that Hermione is sad that Gryffindor is gone and that the trio is split up, but there can be more "show, don't tell." I would love to really FEEL how much it hurts to have all these changes happening.

Plot: Love this! Really, I do. I think you have a brilliant idea and I really hope you continue with it. I can't wait to see where it goes. And I absolutely LOVED that she ripped off her Gryffindor patch and burned it. That's so clever and symbolic and awesome. I think it was my favorite part of the chapter. Fantastic job!

So far, so good! I think this definitely has the makings of a really cool story. I can't wait to see where it goes if you choose to keep writing. Great opening chapter!

--Emily

Author's Response: Wow, I've got to say, long reviews like these always take me off guard, but it is fun to read through the entire review and go back and reply on EVERYTHING that's said :) Anyways, onto the reply!
First off, I was relatively surprised when you mentioned this little idea of mine made it to the forums as a suggestion to read. That really made me feel proud and happy that this wacky idea of mine is catching people's attention, especially this early in the story. So, thank you for bringing that to my attention!
Second, I know my characterization was a wee bit off in the beginning - I mean, I seriously wrote and posted the first chapter at 2 am after having a dream of the scene with the lion's emblem burning in the coals, so I'll admit that McGonagall should've been more...angry and resistant. And it was fun adding Snape's little tidbit (he's one of my favorites!) and I was imagining him saying it in his "People might think you're...up to something," tone. I dunno, it just sounded good to me. :)
Anywho, I thought really hard on everyone's faction. In my mind, I could see Ron just going with the easiest one, and everyone planning to do that as well because the war pretty much tired them out and they deserved peace. But one of Dumbledore's favorite quality of Harry's was his selflessness, which was what really made Harry brave, so that's why I had him choose Abnegation. As for Hermione... This story is about her really coming into herself after the war and proving that she's not just the average bookworm. And, yes, I will go back and edit the first chapter, tweak some people's thoughts, words, and actions to make them more believable.
I'm really glad that you're enjoying this so far and I really hope you enjoy the next chapter. :)
Love,
Welchie


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Review #8, by APerkins The Choosing Ceremony

3rd July 2013:
Love it. Ive never seen a cross over fic before, and kinda expected the merging to be pretty rough.
As you said youve jumped right in to establish the ground rules so now we are set up to get into the story. It is rough and there are some gaping plot holes, but as your audience are mainly going to be people familiar with both series, you probably dont need to explain things like how factions are supposed to keep peace, what the point in the initiations is, why dumbledores portrait is suddenly all for obeying the ministry when he has spent his whole life (sort of) arguing with it etc. I think those things just end up beign wrinkles you have to accept in a cross over. The alternative would be to expand the merging of the two into several chapters, making it a gradual change so that we (the readers) really see the need for the new system being introduced, and understand better why the ministry feels that way, and why Mcgonagal is going to go along with it. (and why the golden trio listened to Mcgonagal originally about amity).
As is, it seems artificial and forced, Macgonagal seems weird and fake, but I honestly dont care, because you have set up something awesome, and now that its established the story can begin! yay! Like you said, jump right in and get on with the rest of the plot. So go for it! I cant wait!

The writing itself is fantastic, loving it, and really really keen to read more, splitting up ron and hermione, putting Harry in Abnegation ( I laughed and laughed... yeah, he's selfless... but ... I always picture abnegations as doormats- Harrys always been more of a dauntless to me. i have the echos of him arguing with the ministry, with umbridge etc all knocking through my head right now.)

I missed why Ginny was glaring at the boys? Cause they pushed in? seems a little... inconsequential I guess (or is her anger about something I haven't discovered yet and it will be leading somewhere? that'd be kinda cool. Like maybe she and Harry have been fighting and that's why shes in dauntless? ooh. now I cant wait to read the next chapter... wish the queue would re open!)

Do you have a beta? I dont know enough, but it feels like there might be tense switches (around about the time hermione gets th letter from mcgonagal? and there was another sentence that felt like it wasn't quite complete, but again, I am woeful and grammar and punctuation, so don't pay too much attention to me. If you dont have a beta, please get one! your story is great and Betas do an awesome job of making sure they stay great!


Keep writing soon!

Author's Response: I'm glad you like it and, honestly speaking, I was a bit upset at first because it's difficult for me to handle such tough constructive criticism, but you're right. It was rough and poorly constructed, but I plan to have the next chapter be written much, much better and, whenever I have the time, I also plan to go and do some tweaking and smoothing over on chapter one. I apologize if you believe my placing for the three to be a bit off, but I want to have that explained all in due time :)
And, yes, the grammar is terrible, but considering that I randomly woke up, wrote the chapter, and put it through validation at 2 am one night. I think it was acceptable, so to speak.
Thank you for the review and thank you for helping me be a much better writer :)
Love,
Welchie!


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Review #9, by darker side of happy The Choosing Ceremony

2nd July 2013:
I have to admit I was slightly taken aback when I realized the houses would be no more. I do however enjoy the idea that you have used with the factions, although I'm curious to see how that will work out. As you wrote most are going to end up together anyway.
They were put in their original houses for a reason I imagine many would still remain together.

You write very well and I hope to see an update soon. This is definitely falling along the originality lines and I think this is going to be an amazing story. Write more soon!!!

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Review #10, by yerawizard27 The Choosing Ceremony

25th June 2013:
Wow I love this idea, so creative! I'm a huge fan of the Divergent series but I never would have thought of a crossover. I loved the way you combined the two worlds. It didn't seem forced, your reasoning for creating the factions in Hogwarts was made sense and was very plausible.

I'm glad Hermione decided to pick the faction she truly wanted rather than sticking with Ron and Harry, although I can't help but feel slightly sorry for Ron; his two best friends picked two separate factions after they had all agreed on Amity and he had chosen! How and ever, that hopefully means some Dramione in the future :D

Added this story to favourites, I hope you update soon, I can't wait to read on! 10/10

Author's Response: Thank you very much! Really, I had a dream about the lion's emblem burning in a bed of coals, so I woke up and wrote the story! It felt like such an ingenious and I was really surprised that there really hasn't been a crossover of it before Faction Before Blood.
I'm glad you like the story and I hope you like the next chapter. :)
Love,
Welchie


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Review #11, by patronus_charm The Choosing Ceremony

22nd June 2013:
I spotted this on the recently added list and Iím so glad I decided to read it! I really love Dramione stories and I loved the Divergent series so I have a good feeling about this one!

The reasoning behind Hogwarts having to get factions was really good and I thought your characterisation of McGonagall and Dumbledore in that scene was brilliant. The way McGonagall got weepy over the loss of quidditch was brilliant. I was surprised that she didnít demand to be the head of the Dauntless house as thatís the closest to Gryffindor there is.

Dumbledore was brilliant too! I always found him really hard to write so I have to say the way you included all his little quirks and nuances was amazing. The little cameo from Snape was really good too. I almost wish the teachers had to choose a faction too, as it would be interesting to see what they all went for.

I liked the initial idea of them all going to join Amity. It made sense for them to want to stick together though I couldnít help but think why on earth are the Golden Trio going to the peace loving faction. Then with that big reveal scene from Harry ditching Ron to go and be selfless was really great and almost selfish of him as he left Ron :P

I like the idea of Hermione joining Dauntless too. It gives her a reason to spilt up with Ron without him being made to be all evil and angry, it means she can get close to Draco and she can be with Ginny so she hasnít lost all of her former self. Iím really excited to see how this mixes with the wizarding events.

One thing I would recommend is perhaps getting a banner from The Dark Arts as that would help people notice how awesome this story is! This was a fantastic start and I canít wait for chapter 2!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Ohmygoodness, you just made my night! I put in a request to TDA as soon as my chapter was validated and just got a reply today, so fingers crossed!
Anyways, I was afraid my characterizations wouldn't match up with the original characters that we all know and love - especially since I wrote this at about 2 am! - but your review put my fears to rest so thank you so much! I was going to have them all decide to go to the ones they chose (Ron-amity, Harry-abnegation, and Hermione-dauntless), but then I figured that it wouldn't be how they would do it. It's just after the war, so I figured they would want the easiest one, especially the one representing what they fought for (peace, duuh!) but then I just sat down to imagine how it would go and my imagination ran wild and Ron went with the original plan (as I was sure he would) and Harry's reasoning would be how Dumbledore always commended him on his selflessness, so of course he'd choose Abnegation! Then Hermione... that's the biggest twist that I wanted! Her choosing Dauntless BECAUSE of Malfoy xD
Thank you for your review and I'm sorry my reply was super long! It was wonderful seeing the perspective of my first chapter through a reader's eyes!
Love,
Welchie!


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Review #12, by EmilyJLowe The Choosing Ceremony

17th June 2013:
I love that you're combining Harry Potter with Divergent! They're both amazing books and I love the way you started this story, very exciting :) sorry it's not much of a review review but it's my first so I don't really know how to do it properly

Author's Response: Very excellent review, and I'm so honored that I'm your first! I was a little hesitant about doing it but then I decided, "Hey, people are combining HP and My Little Pony - this can't be worse than that," and I kept having this daydream of the Gryffindor crest burning in the coals of Dauntless because Hermione threw it in to spite Malfoy. So, I wrote it :)
Thank you so much for your review and I hope to see more from you in the future!
Love,
Welchie!


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