Reading Reviews for Eyes of Glass
  
18 Reviews Found

Review #1, by 800 words of heaven Eyes of Glass

15th January 2014:
REVIEW SWAP!

I probably should have read something newer, but I was feeling nostalgic, and it's been a while since I read some of your earlier pieces, so I thought I'd give this a go. Also, I am going through a strange Alice and Frank phase, so I just couldn't resist!

I just love how everything is written so clearly, but the descriptions are still wonderful. The stain-glass section was just... ugh.

I liked getting this unique look at Alice. She seemed like a weird mix of Luna's kookiness, but with the insecurities that plagued Neville through most of the series. I've never seen her written this way before, but I think it suits her. I also liked how Frank and Alice's love story is very quiet, and just a little unbelievable, which somehow makes it even more magical. Augusta Longbottom sounds terrifying, but from the little peak we get of her in OotP, she makes a lot of sense.

THE ALICE IN WONDERLAND ALLUSIONS. I thought they were really well-used and just so perfect for that part of the story. Also - Alice and Alice - I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE.

I also loved that I felt slightly apprehensive whilst I was reading this. It was almost as if I was right there with Alice, getting that ill sense of foreboding and that something bad was just waiting to happen. It didn't help matters that Marlene was just plain creepy and that Frank seemed really... distant the entire time. It underscored that sense of isolation and fear Alice must have felt.

And that ending - there should have been a warning somewhere that I might end up crying!

Author's Response: Hello! :)

I'm glad you chose to read and review this, I'd sort of forgotten about it! :P Ah I know what you mean about Alice/Frank stories, there aren't very many but they're always so engrossing and tragic.

I'm glad you liked it, and the descriptions! I really loved writing this story so it's great getting feedback on the writing style. :)

Yes! I liked this version of Alice as well, I got quite attached to her. She is a lot like both Luna and Neville, which I hoped made her interesting. Augusta does seem terrifying- I imagine both Neville and Alice would share their fear of her!

Thank you! I thought it was a very convenient metaphor. :P I'm glad you liked it, hehe.

That is good! I wanted to make sure the undercurrent of danger and fear of the war came through. Yeah, Marlene was pretty awful here, but she had also been through a lot. Frank is distracted here. The story is about Alice, mainly, and while Frank is a part of her story it's hard for her to see beyond the confines of her own mind. I'm happy to hear it added to the sense of isolation, as that's just what I wanted.

Thanks so much for the lovely review, and I'm sorry if there was some sadness involved! :)


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Review #2, by Siriusgirl Eyes of Glass

6th September 2013:
Hi, Coppertop here. I'm reviewing for my Frank and Alice Longbottom Challenge.
Great story, I love the whole Battle of the Church, really adds some intensity and interest to the Christening. I wonder who the traitor was? Poor Marlene :(. Great job with Alice's POV and the touches from Alice in Wonderland. The ending was so sad. Awww, Neville. His parents would be so proud if they knew what he'd become.

Author's Response: Hi! I'm glad you liked the story, and thought the battle during the christening made the story more intense. I hoped it would show the turbulent and uncertain times of the era. I loved writing Alice and coming up with her character, so I'm very pleased you enjoyed her!

I think the fate of Neville's parents was just so sad for all parties involved, and hopefully that empathy came across here! Thank you for creating the challenge and giving me the inspiration to write this story, it was a lot of fun! :)


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Review #3, by HeyMrsPotter Eyes of Glass

7th July 2013:
Hello! I'm here with your very late review!

I really love the characters you've created here. We know so little about Frank and Alice in terms of their personalities and yours seem perfect! I can see that each of them have qualities that they passed into Neville, which is lovely :) Augusta is brilliant too, I like how she is considered 'high-society' and scary by all, it made me laugh!

I like the atmosphere that you create, the subtle hints of fear and constant worry about the Death Eaters and Voldemort's rise in power. I love that this story has a bit of everything; romance, tragedy, action, it's really good :)

In terms of tour review request, I think there is just the right amount of Frank and Alice's relationship in this, though they are the main characters I don't think them as a couple is the central focus to the story. Personally I thought the story you were conveying was more about Voldemort's first rise to power and how it affected everything, even something as lovely as a christening should be.

The ending was both beautiful and sad, I always felt so awful for Neville and now I feel awful for his parents too, their side of the situation has never crossed my mind until reading this, thanks for the feels haha!

Just a little thing, it's not really CC, but there was a couple times you wrote Ma'lice rather than M'Alice. All in all, I loved it :)

Author's Response: Hello! :) No worries at all, I'm just so happy to receive your lovely review!

I'm glad you liked the portrayals of Frank and Alice, as I really enjoyed imagining the little quirks and details of their personalities. It's so nice to know you liked their portrayals and thought they were believable. I'm glad you liked Augusta too, I figured if Neville was so afraid then Alice and everyone else probably would be too. :P

I'm glad you liked the atmosphere, and that there were a lot of themes and emotions in one little story. I really loved writing it and imagining what this era would have been like.

You're right, the relationship between them kind of takes a back seat in the danger and stress of the era. I'm glad you liked the amount of their relationship which appeared in the story, and didn't think it was lacking. Voldy's regime would have just been so awful, and I'm pleased that terror and danger came across.

Haha well I'm glad this gave you the feels! I know, poor Neville, the whole situation is just so tragic and sad.

Thank you so much for a really thoughtful and lovely review! :D


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Review #4, by KiwiOliver Eyes of Glass

3rd July 2013:
KiwiOliver here with your RR:
I must say, this story was darn near perfect.
I loved every bit, from the quirks Alice had, to the mentioning of Augusta.
Your characters were something to be jealous of and your story flowed without a single hiccup!
Once I had started reading I found myself glues to the page, not daring to take my eyes off!
I defiantly enjoyed the Alice in Wonderland theme, with Mad Alice and various allusions, you did a great job there.
The balance between the backstory and action could not have been better, I enjoyed the action-y parts and learnt a lot about your amazing character without feeling like there was too much or too little of either!
I can't find any inconsistencies and I can't think of any CC.
I think the ending worked brilliantly, I particularly liked the part about Neville, it almost brought a tear to my eye!
Sorry if this isn't a long and detailed review pointing out lots of mistakes and criticisms. It's your fault for being so darn awesome.
KO

Author's Response: Hi there! :) I'm so sorry for the delay in responding to your incredible review!

I'm so pleased and honoured that you liked the story, your kind words are really so lovely to hear. I'm glad you liked Alice, and the little details in the minor characters like Augusta. I really enjoyed imagining Alice's sphere of life and getting into her head to give her a personality.

Ah, I'm glad you liked the allusions and symbolism as well! Incorporating that was another of my favourite parts. I was a little worried about the flow and the balance with action and backstory, so knowing it came across well is great to hear. And that the part about Neville touched you emotionally, I just felt so bad for him! :(

Thank you for this wonderful review, I loved it! :)


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Review #5, by Gabriella Hunter Eyes of Glass

21st June 2013:
Hello!

Its Gabbie with your requested review and I'm sorry that its taken me so long to get back at you. I have really bad internet connection and couldn't do as much as I would have liked with my feeble connection. Hahahha.
Anyway, this was amazing! I really, really enjoyed reading this. I was hooked from the moment you introduced Alice all the way to that gripping end, I really have no words!
I think with this one-shot you gave me a great new way of viewing Alice. I have only read a handful of stories with her character but this is going to be my favorite, I somehow enjoy your version of her so much more. A quirky, unsure girl that's determined to make her own way just reeks of Neville to me and I love that you made that subtle comparison with them.
The history that you have given through this had my mind blown, it was enough detail in places to keep me following along easily and also just enough to have me really enjoying your characters.
On some things with Alice though, I felt like she kept shifting her personality around a bit and it felt like she was written differently at some point. But thta's the only thing that I noticed about that, I really loved the relationship you built with she and Frank, there was something so sweet and touching about it.
The christening itself was described wonderfully, added with it just a touch of sinister events to set up what was happening in the world around them. I really loved how you did this, adding in Alice's fear and her uncertainty about Marlene, which turns out to be a justified fear in the end.
I thought that the action you introduced was great and it had me scared for a moment and worried by the time the story was over. I was really surprised by the ending! I thought you would continue on from Neville and Alice in their home but it spiraled to the present so lovely and shockiningly that I had to congratulate you. The reminder that Alice is now mad and does still love her son but can't express it just tears me up. Ah, and that last line! >_< Almost had me crying! Wonderful work!
As for Cc's, I think some sentences should have a few periods so the flow could be smoother but other than that, I really loved this.
Much love,
Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi! No worries, it's great to see you here now! :)

I'm so glad you liked this story, it really is such lovely praise! I'm pleased you enjoyed Alice, and saw her in a new light. I really wanted to bring her to life here and show her insecurities, strengths and weaknesses, and she was definitely inspired by Neville. I'm glad you could see the parallels between them. I'll go back and edit this at some point and try to fix the inconsistencies, thanks for pointing that out! :)

I'm glad you liked the history and context of the story, and that it didn't seem too watered down. I've never been to a christening, so the invasion of the Death Eaters came at the perfect time! I'm glad you thought the descriptions of the event were effective!

I'm so pleased you like the ending as well, and that it flowed alright. It's just such a tragic story, and I wanted to do them justice. I'm so glad you were emotionally invested in this story, it's very lovely to hear. Thank you for a brilliant review! :)


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Review #6, by UnluckyStar57 Eyes of Glass

12th June 2013:
Well, this is certainly an international story!! I'm here with the review you requested, and now I'm kicking myself for having not discovered your writing much sooner!!

First of all, I'm loving the fact that you made Alice and Frank so different from each other. She, the eccentric, retiring one, and he, the confident, brave one. In most Fralice stories I've seen, Frank is usually just as shy and strange as Alice, but then again, most of the stories that I've seen with Fralice are usually focused on the Jily ship. It was really cool to see such an unexplored relationship in the foreground, and you show it with such vivid, heartbreaking detail!! The story of how they came to be together is definitely intriguing, and it makes me wonder how he came to love her in the first place.

I definitely recognized the "Alice in Wonderland" allusions, especially towards the end. The way you intertwined those symbols and details with your own story was simply amazing and gravity-defying. I love the fact that she was called "Mad Alice," and at the end of her life, she is still mad, but in a different sort of way.

Your phrases are awesome and they seem to contain loads of magic within themselves. I particularly enjoyed the following:

"Words turned to stony garble when they hit her tongue."
"...love affair of black coffee in bed, duelling practice followed by tickle wars..."
"Frank had eyes that either seemed to know everything and see nothing, or see everything and know nothing."

The phrases, especially the sentence about Frank, just had something really special in them. I couldn't say exactly what, but it was awesome. Also, the part about Frank's eyes reminded me of the occulist's eyes on the billboard in F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby. Did you intend to make this connection, or am I just seeing things? :)

The only thing that I found to be a tad bit off was the choice of the word "upmost" in the phrase "upmost protection." I've never heard the word "upmost," though I could be wrong and it might certainly exist. I think that the word you were looking for is "utmost," which means, basically, "to the highest extent, the fullest measure." That's just my own definition-of-sorts, so by no means do you have to change it. It was just the one teensy little thing that jumped out at me.

Well, needless to say, you've done a brilliant job, and I commend you for being highly fantastic. Very, very well done!!! :)

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hi! :) Aw, you are just too sweet, reviewing so quickly and such a lovely and thorough review at that!

I'm glad you liked Alice and Frank, and that their personalities contradicted the usual portrayal. I loved imagining them, and now I just want to write more about their relationship! You're right, they usually take a back seat to Jily, but their story is just as interesting and tragic.

Ah, I'm so happy you liked the Alice in Wonderland allusions! I was worried they might be a bit much, but couldn't imagine writing about Alice and being mad without them. :) I definitely need to re-read Alice in Wonderland and make sure I got everything right!

Thank you so much for pointing out your favourite phrases, that really makes me so excited! :D I really enjoyed playing around with words here and knowing you picked out those sentences makes me a very happy writer! :)

Excellent point about upmost, I shall make sure to re-visit that! :) I have a habit of making up words and putting them where they don't belong, haha!

Thank you for this wonderful review! You are awesome! :D


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Review #7, by forsakenphoenix Eyes of Glass

7th June 2013:
I kept going back and forth over a couple of your stories for the review tag, but there was something about this story being about Alice and the references to Alice in Wonderland that really drew me in.

That first line was perfect. It's funny how such a short, simple sentence can be so revealing about a story and yet be just vague enough to make the reader want more. Seriously, perfect!

I honestly loved this story. I wasn't sure what to expect and I'm not necessarily a Frank/Alice fan, but this was sweet, though terribly sad. I loved seeing the small glimpses of Alice and Frank, how Frank was always so strong, self-assured and Alice was always the sort of odd one. We don't know much about their characters, but I can just imagine them such as they are described here and can see Neville being such a wonderful combination of both their personalities. Watching their love blossom within your words was wonderful to watch. That whole line about coffee in bed and tickle wars just made my heart swell with love for them.

It's kind of horribly ironic how her childhood nickname of Mad Alice kind of acts as foreshadowing to how she will spend the rest of her adult life. It's heartbreaking.

I also liked Marlene's side story and thought it fit well with what we know of her in canon. Alice's distrust of her is genuine and her obvious love for her son shines through in those moments where she runs away with him. It's not cowardice - it's a fierce protection for her son, and you kind of see that a little bit at the end, where she gets those moments sometimes where there's a memory tickling in the back of her mind that's just quite out of reach. It's powerful stuff, love.

I also liked the foreshadowing with Peter (I think?) with the whole traitor thing. It was very clever.

Poor Neville. The end, where he's talking to his mum and he just wants someone to love him, and like I said earlier how evident it was that she loved him so much - that just breaks your heart. He obviously has some of her oddness and it's just so terribly sad that she isn't there to love him for it.

I also love the contrast with Frank that you mentioned, about his eyes and how everything is sort of full-circle now and how their tortured minds have changed them from who they were.

That whole first war is nothing but tragedy and while I hate that Harry lost both his parents, it's really awful for Neville who lost his parents too, except they're still alive. It must be so hard for him to see their faces and know that they don't recognize him. Ugh, so sad. I think you did a really excellent job portraying that tragedy of the first war (Frank and Alice getting married before a dangerous raid, the Aurors guarding the church for the Christening and still, they saw death). Your story flowed beautifully and it was just so well-written. I really enjoyed it. Thank you for such a wonderful fic.

Just a couple of little errors I noticed, though: some Ma'lice in him: some oddness, and she would love him all the more for it. For Alice knew tht Neville
- the apostrophe in M'alice is off by one letter (you have Ma'lice)
- that is missing an 'a' (tht)

Other than that, I didn't notice any other errors. Well-done! :)

Author's Response: Hello, and thank you for such a lovely and thoughtful, long review! :D It was a really wonderful surprise!

I'm glad you liked the story, and that it drew you in. I really enjoyed writing it, and integrating the little themes and allusions. Alice in Wonderland just seemed to fit in too well with the references to madness and of course Alice's name, so I just couldn't resist!

I'm really happy to hear you enjoyed my portrayals of Alice and Frank's characters, and the little attributes of their relationships. I wanted to give them their own individual relationships, while making their relationship seem believable and appealing. So, I'm glad you liked them! :)

You're right, love is powerful! Since I don't have a kid myself, it's good to know the emotion and love is coming across in a believable and moving way. I'm glad you liked Marlene as well, and thought that contrast and backstory added something to the story.

I know, poor Neville! :( He is wonderful, and loved, it's just hard for him to realize it. I feel so sad for him, not being able to get through to his parents, and for Alice, not being able to express the memories buried deep within. I'm glad you liked the eye symbol as well, it was also quite enjoyable to integrate and imagine!

Really, thank you so much for this review, it made me such a happy camper! :) I loved writing this story, and hearing that somebody appreciates it is just amazing to know!


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Review #8, by adluvshp Eyes of Glass

4th June 2013:
Hey! Here for review tag!

Initially, I was going to read the next chapter of your short story collection but then I saw this and I just couldn't resist an Alice one-shot as I adore her character and seeing a story centred around her had me curious.

I loved your plot, the way you revealed the events to us through Alice's eyes. Her characterisation was perfect, just like how I'd imagine her to be. I enjoyed the whole "M'alice" concept as well, it was very believable. I think you got across all the emotions that Alice experienced throughout, while memories and in the present, very well and it was a great insight into her mind. The allusions enhanced the effectiveness of it all too. I didn't see any glaring errors and loved this one-shot. You did a brilliant job with the descriptions, flow, concept, and characterisation.

Loved it! Great work!
10/10
Cheers
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Hello! :) I'm glad you decided to check this story out!

I'm very honoured that you liked the plot and thought Alice was well portrayed as you imagined her! For some reason, although she's a pretty obscure character I had this clear vision of what she must be like. I'm very happy you noticed and enjoyed the allusions, and M'Alice. It was just too much fun of a word to play around with! :)

Thank you so much for this very lovely review, I'm glad you enjoyed the story! :)


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Review #9, by True Author Eyes of Glass

31st May 2013:
Hi there! :)
When I saw that you've written a one-shot about Frank and Alice, I didn't even see what other stories you've written (don't throw stuff at me!). I always love to write about minor characters and congratulate others who are trying to write them. =] I myself have written about Viktor Krum who isn't really written around her, so first of all congrats! :D

Secondly, I loved the basic idea of your plot. The way you unfolded the plot before us was amazing. Though we don't really know about Alice, she seemed to be canon and perfect. I mean she was exactly what I had imagined her to be. Neville is the perfect combination of characters don't you think so? :) The allusions were like icing on the cake. =]

I just noticed a few typos and spelling errors here and there, but they are negligible. So you could just go through the chapter once or twice and correct them. =]

Good job!
Ashwini :D

Author's Response: Hello! I'm not mad at all, I'm glad you chose this one-shot as it's my newest work and definitely needs some feedback, as well as being very close to my heart! :)

I love writing and reading about minor characters as well, it gives you so much freedom and experimentation! I'm so glad you liked Alice's characterization, she just came to life in my head and I knew exactly how I wanted to portray her.

Thank you very much for such a wonderful review! :)


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Review #10, by Aphoride Eyes of Glass

27th May 2013:
Hey there - stopping by with your requested review from the forums! :)

You know, it's weird but I think this is the first Frank/Alice story I've read, and it's definitely the first I've read which deals with the attack on them and its effects, looking inside Alice's mind, so I was already so curious about this before I even read it.

Honestly, I loved it. It's great. Your characterisation is brilliant - I loved how Alice was quirky, the child of hippies (right era, yes!), and younger than Frank, and adored animals, and Frank was brave and confident and strong and yet somehow they fell in love. It's not totally opposites attract, but it's definitely a meeting of two different personalities, and I like that you found that balance rather than just going one way or another.

Also, I loved how, in a way, it wasn't so much about Alice herself as it was about Alice and Frank and Neville, and her relationships with them, and Marlene and others. It's something I'm sure I can't really explain, but I liked it nonetheless. It's not something I've seen very often, and it worked so well in this.

Your style was lovely. It flowed beautifully, there were no grammar or spelling mistakes, Alice's voice was so sweet and yet not perfect, and she was just such a real character that I really liked her pretty much from the first word.

I loved the allusions to the differences between the muggle and wizard worlds, like how Frank knows about christenings, and Alice doesn't. The members of the Order of the Phoenix were great, too; I loved how Marlene and Frank were such great friends, and how Marlene lost everyone and you referenced the attack on her family mentioned in canon, and how they got married in the office just before a raid... your details were just so fantastic. They really filled this out so it felt almost like a glimpse at years of a life, rather than just moments, if you know what I mean.

You also made the horror of the war come across so subtly, making it a sort of understated undercurrent that ran throughout it, without having to resort to lots of gore and violence to get it across, which is really, really great.

So yeah, basically, I loved this. There is absolutely nothing I would change, tbh. I couldn't find anything wrong with it, any mistakes, I don't have any suggestions... yeah, it was great :) Feel free to re-request!

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello! :)

I wrote this story for a challenge, but had never really thought much about Alice and Frank either! Writing them was a great experience, and I'm very honoured that you enjoyed the story.

I'm glad you liked Alice's characterization, and all her little quirks and qualities. I wanted to make her original but also make sense that she was Neville's mother. I loved writing their relationship and while they're not exactly opposites, they are very diverse and individual people. I love your comment about Alice not being perfect, as that's just how I thought she would be.

I understand what you mean about the story being about more than just Alice, and I wanted to show a little piece of the frightening world they would have lived in. Also, hearing the story felt like a whole life instead of short moments is just wonderful to hear. I'm glad the war came across as being subtle, but an integral and unavoidable part of everyday life.

Thank you so very much for this really lovely and thoughtful review, it was such a wonderful review to receive! I'm very flattered that you enjoyed the story and all the kind words are very encouraging! :D


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Review #11, by ShadowRose Eyes of Glass

26th May 2013:
Hello, I'm here with your requested review!

I love the way you started this: "The day was to end in death, but it began with a christening." It automatically sets the tone and gives the story a suspenseful edge.

I adore your character of Alice. Normally, she's portrayed as this adorable, perfect best friend of Lily Evans, but I really like how you've broken out of that. Alice, or M'alice (cute nickname, by the way!), is so quirky and odd, that I can't help but fall in love with her. She reminds me a bit of Luna, and definitely of Neville as well. It's so sad to know that they never saw their similarities, because both Frank and Alice's combination explains Neville's personality to a T.

Alice's love for Neville is so beautifully protrayed here, and I could feel my heart breaking for both her and Neville as the story progressed.

The little side storyline with Marlene McKinnon was interesting too, because it just adds a whole new element to the story, and builds up the tension even before the Death Eaters enter the church, because Alice is already on edge with the situation.

The plot flowed really smoothly at the beginning, and everything felt really natural throughout the christening. I did feel, however, that there was a bit of a jump between the christening and Alice's insanity. Maybe if you added in a bit about Bellatrix's torturing, or something like that, just to bridge the gap a little? Other than that, the whole story flowed rather nicely.

Neville's character at the end is so perfect, and I can't help but feel sorry for him. It really shows the vulnerable side to the poor, awkward boy we see in the first few books, and shows a lot of the sadness beneath. It was a wonderful little addition of depth.

This little section: "Alice found 'time' confusing. Perhaps the boy had eaten a magical fruit which made him grow very large very fast. Or perhaps Alice herself had eaten a fruit from the dream which made her very small, and the boy was the same size he'd always been. She couldn't take him in her arms and hold him now. Indeed, Alice felt very small." was an excellent description of her madness, and really kind of threw everything Alice knew into a bit of a curveball. The description is just excellent.

I love the little bit about one of the guests being a traitor, because it not only explains why the attack occurs, but links it to later events as well. I feel like the "traitor" is Peter Pettigrew, given that he's the only real traitor we see in the books, but I could be wrong too. :P

I do wish you had gone into a little more detail regarding Frank and Alice's relationship, as I feel like there's just so much potential there in the little bit that you described, and I would have loved to have read about it in greater detail.

Overall, this was really excellently done - I'm glad you requested a review, otherwise I may never have gotten to enjoy this little beauty!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)

Author's Response: Hello! :)

I'm glad you liked the story, and that the first line drew you in and set the tense tone for the story. I really enjoyed writing it and imagining Alice's character, so hearing that she came across well is really great to hear! You're right, she is a lot like both Neville and Luna, and has something all her own as well! :)

The Marlene bit was a spontaneous addition, but I'm glad she fit in smoothly with the rest of the story. I find that adding context and details from the past helps situate stories about minor characters like this, and Marlene seemed to have a story to be part of!

Thank you for your suggestions, they are very helpful! :) I agree, the transition seemed a bit hasty, and I'm planning on adding some more details and anecdotes about Alice and Frank's relationship.

Since description was an integral part of the flow and symbolism of the story, I'm very pleased to hear it was effective and described the extents of Alice's madness. I enjoyed writing the bit about Alice feeling small as well! :)

Thank you so much for this lovely review! :D


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Review #12, by Calypso  Eyes of Glass

25th May 2013:
Hello! Here with my half of the review swap from the forums :)

Ohh gosh this was sad! There was a horrible irony to the whole thing, that just made me feel so sorry for all of the characters!

I absolutely loved your characterisation of Alice; I thought it was perfect, as well as being original- a lot of the time she's presented as being clever, popular and Lily's best friend, but I think your portrayal is not only more interesting but more realistic, considering that she is Neville's mother!
She actually really reminded me of Luna during this, with the way she's bullied, but is still very caring and has her little eccentricities that the people who love her just accept. I really liked how you brought across her love for Neville- it was so touching and heartbreaking, and I enjoyed the way you highlighted the things that Neville and Alice have in common, even though neither of them will ever know it...

My only piece of CC is that I thought you could have developed her relationship with Frank a little more. The bits you wrote of them together were wonderful- I loved the way she described him near the beginning, as well as the first time they kiss, but I would have loved more of a sense of them as a couple...

The scene at the church where the Death Eaters came was brilliantly written- very dramatic. I felt genuinely scared for the family! I really thought that you captured the kind of insecurity and danger that must have existed during the First War, as well as the unfairness of it all- that so many innocent people lost so much.

And honestly, the ending was so beautiful and perfect and devastatingly sad. Seeing the Alice you created in this piece of writing being destroyed like that was horrible (but really good writing!) I loved how there were still fragments of their old life left, but they'd all been twisted, and the way you changed round that phrase about Frank was just wonderful.

This was an incredibly emotional and beautifully executed piece of writing... I really enjoyed swapping with you!

-Bethany

Author's Response: Hello! :)

I'm glad you liked this little story, and the fact that it brought up emotions is wonderful to hear! I had a very specific idea of the essence of Alice, and am glad that it came across as likeable and believable. I made her a combination of Neville, Luna, and something all her own, and loved imagining her sometimes silly and always loving personality. Her love and eventual seperation from Neville is just so heartbreaking, and I really wanted to do it justice. :)

I'm really glad you pointed that out, and I'll definitely try and fit in a little more about her relationship with Frank when I edit the story. I had all these images of their marriage in my head, but somehow they didn't translate onto paper, but I'm happy to hear you liked the descriptions that there were! :)

I'm glad you liked the scene at the church and the dramatic descent of the Death Eaters! The war was just so unfair and tragic - they always are - and I'm glad that came across, though I felt quite bad for doing that to the lovely characters! :(

I'm really happy you liked the ending, I actually got a little emotional while writing it! Poor Alice and Frank. :( Thank you so much for this lovely review darling! :)


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Review #13, by MadiMalfoy Eyes of Glass

23rd May 2013:
Hey there, great one-shot! I like that you wanted to write about Alice and Frank Longbottom--they really don't get the credit nor the mentions they should, especially in the movies!

As far as plot goes, I don't think you have any parts missing or obvious plot holes that lessen the understanding of the piece for the reader. One thing I would have liked to see that you can add later would be the actual scene of how Alice and Frank were attacked by Bellatrix, just to get the whole effect, and to see how Neville was told about what happened to his parents, his reaction, etc. Other than that, I think you have all the bases covered plotwise!

The voice and characterization are a little bit more difficult for me, as I've never really thought about what Frank and Alice were actually like before they were tortured. However, I think your portrayal really captured the essence of their beings and how they would act in a crisis where there was the chance their son and friends and family would die, or themselves. I do like how you voiced it, like it was just Alice recalling memories that she can't quite understand anymore yet remembers vividly. The tension she felt towards Marlene McKinnon made it very clear that Alice would do anything for her son if it meant that he could live and grow up in a world without the darkness of Voldemort. The little detail that Lily Potter was the Longbottom's Secret Keeper made the connection between the two boys' fates and their parents closer, which I thought was an excellent idea! :)

Finally, the writing style was great! You don't have hardly any grammar mistakes, but that's just my AP Language & Composition brain hard-drive going a little crazy because of that class! No spelling errors or anything remotely dysfunctional in the writing whatsoever, so great job out of you on that one! :)

Overall, a finely written story, and I loved the topic! Great work! :) xx
~MadiMalfoy

Author's Response: Hello! I actually got the idea from a challenge, but I agree, they definitely deserve some more love in FF!

I'm glad you didn't think there were any obvious plot holes. And I really like the idea of what Neville was told about the attack and his parents, even if it's only a few lines! Thanks for the suggestions! :)

I'm also pleased that you liked the portrayals of Alice and Frank! Since we don't know much about them it gave me a lot of free reign, and I loved getting into their heads. I imagined her being a very loving and protective person. I'm glad you liked the addition of Lily as well! :)

Thank you so much for this really lovely review! :)


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Review #14, by Solo Eyes of Glass

23rd May 2013:
Solo here for the review tag! -waves-

Boy, am I glad I found this little nugget. I adore it, completely. I love her scattered thoughts at the end, the madness and how disjointed her world is. You have to think about what she went through, don't you? Total pain. I love how she does recognise Neville but can't quite place him. The description of him growing up is just perfect, it's so utterly him. It's just heartbreaking how he wants her to love him and she does, she just can't tell him.

Oh, my poor heart!

I like how Alice sees herself as nothing more than ordinary; it's so easy to have Mary-Sue descriptions. Their wedding is just oh so perfect. Poor, poor Neville, poor Alice and Frank.

Absolutely beautiful, m'dear. Well done. I love your style; it's like elongated poetry. Fabulous. I'm off to read more!

Author's Response: Hello! :)

I'm so happy you liked the story, it's so wonderful to hear that! It must have been so difficult for poor Alice, and I'm glad that came across through the fragmented thoughts. I really wanted to do her story justice, and I'm glad this got the emotions going! :)

Alice definitely underestimates herself, and I'm glad she came across as un-Mary-Sue! I loved the idea of the wedding, neither Frank nor Alice would have wanted to make too big of a fuss! I feel so sad for all of them, but enjoyed imagining their struggles into words. :(

Thank you so much for this lovely, lovely review! Elongated poetry, what a wonderful compliment! :)


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Review #15, by marauder5 Eyes of Glass

23rd May 2013:
Wow, this was such a powerful story! I'm always impressed by your writing, they way you put words to life and create both fantastic plots and beautiful, vivid descriptions. I'm not surprised to say that this story was not an exception.

First of all, it was very interesting that you wrote about a christening! I've always figured that the wizards aren't religious, or that they at least didn't believe in Muggle religions, but sure, why not? I can easily see this happening. However, I think I would find it even more believable if it had been Alice who wanted Neville to be christened, since she was both a bit eccentric and interested in Muggles! You could have her being the one to suggest it, but Augusta could still insist on doing it properly, if they would do it all. But that's just my opinion. Honestly, it works really well like this too :)

So, one of the first things that I fell in love with about this story was the fact that Alice reminded me a lot about Neville! Just like you said, he had some M'Alice in him, even though she, sadly enough, never really got to see it. They do share some traits, which was wonderful to see. It was also really believable that Augusta didn't quite like Alice, but doted on Frank, considering that she's quite disappointed in Neville later for not being as brave as his dad. Maybe it was because she saw too much of Alice in him, and not enough of Frank?

Alice didn't just remind me of Neville; she was also a lot like Luna. I find that very sweet, because it makes me think that it was that strange connection that made Neville and Luna become friends! (And have a summer fling. I choose to believe that, even if it was only in the movies!)

I noticed to things. The first one was just a typo, in the paragraph that begins with "These were dark years" you've written: "from all the danger that was all to harshly real," and I think it's supposed to be 'too harshly real', right? Also, (and I'm not sure about this because I'm not British myself), I read somewhere that the British use 'nappy' instead of 'diaper'. But maybe they use both, I'm not really sure! I just figured that you'd want to use the British version, since Alice is British ;)

And I have to comment on this sentence: "Alice knew that they would be safe here, that in moments she could seize Neville and Apparate them back to their safe house, but seeing him a few feet away, separated by Marlene's protective arms, made her very nervous indeed." That's just a perfect description of a mother's love and worry for her child! I am not a mother myself, but I can still relate to that feeling of, in this case, wanting to hold Neville herself because she knew she would be able to run away with him sooner.

And then there's this paragraph: "She had saved herself and her son, but within half a year the Death Eaters would find them, and she would be brutally cut from him forever. Frank had refused to run." It's great and all, but it implies that they would have survived if they had only run. But weren't they attack after Voldemort's fall? Wouldn't they have come back? Although, come to think of it, maybe it was never specified how long after Voldemort's fall that Bellatrix and the others went after Frank and Alice, so you can just ignore that if you want to ;)

I absolutely loved this! It reminded me of how tragic Neville's story really is, and I especially loved the last paragraphs when you described Alice's insanity, and how she would somehow recognize him a bit, but never enough. I loved the fact that you referred to her husband as 'Frank, the man'. Because they didn't recognize each other either. It is all so tragic and it makes me want to cry, but it's beautifully written, and without having read any of the other challenge entries, I'll cross my fingers and hope that you'll win and get all the recognition you deserve, you extremely talented writer whom I admire so very much! :)

Author's Response: Hello! :) I'm very honoured that you liked this story, and excited because I was a little uncertain about how it turned out! Thank you so much for all your lovely words.

The challenge I wrote this for assigned me to write about Neville's christening, and since I know next to nothing about religious ceremonies I wanted to frame it around the event but tell lots of details from Alice's life! :P I'm just waiting for someone to tell me I got some facts wrong about christenings, haha. That is a good point about Alice being more eccentric: it worked for the story that Alice was upset about having to leave the safety of the house, but I'll try and fit in a little better how Augusta and other older wizards might be religious. :)

Aw, I'm glad you liked Alice as a character and that she reminded you of Neville! I loved writing her quirkiness, though I felt bad for letting her get bullied at Hogwarts! She's unique, like Neville, and not the kind of person Augusta could easily understand. You're exactly right about Augusta's love for Neville: she can't properly appreciate the "M'alice" in him, and the Frank part of him is a painful reminder of how her son used to be.

Alice is a lot like Luna, too! :D And I definitely think Neville and Luna would have had a summer fling, before Rolf Scamader showed up out of nowhere and somehow stole Luna from Nev! :O

I shall go back and fix those things! :) I think nappies sounds better than diapers, anyhow!

I'm glad you felt like I captured the motherly feeling well! I'm not a mother either so knowing that it came across as authentic is really good to hear! And that's a good point about when the Longbottoms were actually incapacitated. I'm going to confirm at some point, but in this story I imagined Lily's secret keeper bond being broken with her death, then a few days later before the Longbottoms really had time to process the shock and realize they were still in danger, Bellatrix etc. managed to come for them.

Again, I'm so flattered that you liked this story, and your review was such a wonderful one to receive, as per always! :D I really appreciate all your thoughtful comments, kind words and helpful suggestions!!! :)


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Review #16, by nott theodore Eyes of Glass

23rd May 2013:
Hi! I've been looking forward to reading this since you mentioned some of your ideas for writing it, and it doesn't disappoint!

I absolutely love the way that you've incorporated so many moments of Alice and Frank's life together, as though you're taking the reader on the journey with Alice as she remembers what happened in the past. The moments were so well chosen, and really fitted with their characters; their wedding was probably my favourite part, because it really highlighted how much the war affected their lives - it defined them, really.

It was only about halfway through reading this that I realised that the Alice narrating this is the woman we see in the hospital, tortured into insanity. It's absolutely heart-breaking.

Your characterisation of Alice (M'alice) here was so interesting. Since we know so little about her (and you know minor characters are my favourite!) you can write her any way you want to, and really explore her character. I love the allusions to Alice in Wonderland that I picked up on before seeing your AN, and her character actually reminded me of Luna as well. I can definitely imagine that sort of person being picked on in school, but it was really interesting that whereas Luna didn't let it get to her, Alice was quite upset by it. All understandable, of course, but I also thought that meant you could see real character development through the story.

Even though this was a one-shot, you managed to add real depth to Alice's character. The way that she was scared and wanted to run away was really believable, because you get the sense that it was more to protect Neville than for any other reason. Of course, being a Gryffindor or being in the Order doesn't make you immune to fear, either - with a war like that going on, it's only a natural reaction.

I could see elements of Alice's character that had been passed down to Neville as well; the way that he seemed a soft touch and people picked on him, but he found courage when it was needed. I loved the line about how his Grandma was frustrated at not seeing more of Frank in him, and there being nobody to love the Alice part. It was really moving, and now I think about it, quite true. Neville's fate is just as tragic as Harry's, because even though Harry had no parents to love him, Neville had parents who couldn't love him - or couldn't show that love - because of the torture they endured. I thought you communicated that really well here.

In fact, the characterisation of all the characters was brilliant. Even those you mentioned just briefly, like Lily Potter (I love the idea of her being their Secret Keeper, by the way!) just seem real. I've never before seen Marlene McKinnon portrayed this way, so it was really original and intriguing to read. There's a danger in FF of making all the Order completely good characters, but I think to Alice Marlene represents something worse than the Death Eaters or Voldemort.

And the contrasts! The imagined life for Neville, and the way that they planned out how happy his future would be, which is so far from the way his life actually turned out. Then there's also the way that Alice talks about Frank, and his eyes seeing or knowing everything, yet at the end they do neither. I love the way the 'Eyes of Glass' links in with Frank and the brief flash of the stained glass window in the church. I think the juxtaposition just emphasises how heart-breaking their fate really is.

Your descriptions were lovely here as well. This line: "One glass man's eyes seemed to shine green from where Alice could meet his gleaming gaze beneath a halo of stars: perhaps he was the Saviour himself." It's beautiful!

I have a few nit-picky bits of CC for you. To me, the sentence starting "Alice's odd collection..." is a little bit too long and convoluted; it might read a bit better if it was broken up. I also think that Neville was eight rather than six when he showed his first signs of magic.

I've got a few typos and Brit-picks too (I'm sorry, I can't help myself!):
"hoped there would be some Ma'lice in him" -- you use M'alice the rest of the time
"For Alice knew tht Neville would grow up" -- that
"soda cans" -- we'd probably say 'drinks cans'
"diapers" -- nappies

I can't praise you enough for this. Seriously, I could ramble on all day about it and pick out every single aspect, because it feels like every word you used meant something and added to the story. I'm not even letting myself read through it again properly, because I'd probably end up crying. Beautiful!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hello my dear!

I'm so excited that you liked the story and it lived up to your expectations! :D I had such an amazing time writing it and creating this vision of Alice, and knowing that you liked the final product really means a lot to me!

I'm glad you enjoyed both Alice and M'alice. Luna did inspire me a bit when writing her! And you're right, while Luna doesn't care about what people think, "M'alice" does care and it grates at her. I wanted to contrast that with the Alice at the end, who can't quite figure out that she's still different from everyone else, and is a different sort of "mad."

I'm glad you thought she was brave despite running away. Gryffies get a reputation of being reckless and fearless, but Alice isn't like that: she's brave in her own unique way, similarly to Neville. :) And for her, the most important thing was to protect her baby.

I'm happy you liked Marlene's personality as well. Of course, she's been through a lot, but Alice both fears what happened to Marlene happening to her, and the idea that Marlene might somehow take Frank and Neville, and therefore Alice's happiness, away from her. Which seems silly considering the love the Longbottoms have, but Alice is insecure and Marlene is desperate.

I'm really excited you like the contrasts and the symbolism of the story because that was one of my favourite parts of writing it! I was trying to think of a title, and all the talk about mirrors and inner selves and Frank's eyes got me thinking, and then the stained glass bit jumped into my mind, because what else do we see in churches, right? :P (that was essentially my thought process). I'm not sure if you saw it this way, but I wanted to hint at the "Saviour" in the stained glass being a sort of allusion to Harry, since he has green eyes, and can be interpreted as a Christ figure, and he saves the wizarding world but doesn't save Alice, fitting in with her "adament atheism." Though maybe those references were too obscure! :P

I will get right on fixing those mistakes, thank you! :) Seriously, what would I do without you to Brit-pick for me?! :D

Thank you so much for this really amazing and thoughtful review, it was absolutely wonderful to recieve!!! :)


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Review #17, by patronus_charm Eyes of Glass

23rd May 2013:
I ♥ Alice + Frank there's something about those two which is really adorable, I can't really say what it is but their story could be considered more tragic than James and Lily's due to where they ended up and you really caught that in this one-shot.

I adored Aliceís characterisation. I think it was the line about her having a pudgy face and that made me aw as pudgy seems to be word which really fits Neville so it was great you applied to Alice. I felt so bad for her getting bullied like that at school, as sheís just a lovely person and it really made me sad about it.

One thing I found really effective is the way you interspersed her memories of getting to know Frank and being at school with those of the funeral. It really made it effective and I feel as if I got a complete story of their lives and you didnít need to go into what happened after, as everyone, unfortunately, knows.

I really loved the tender parts about how Alice met Frank as, again, they were adorable. I think it was the bit about their hands touching in The Leaky Cauldron which really made my heart warm. The clumsiness of both of them reminded me again of Neville.

The ending Ė ah that made me have so many feels! At first it was cuteness over Alice reminiscing so much that she forgot she was at Nevilleís christening, then shock when the Death Eaterís turn up and then fear for Marlene as she didnít manage to get away. Even though Alice is an Auror and was in OoP it made sense for her just to flee as her love for her baby was greater than fighting Death Eaters, and that reminded me of Lily and Harry.

Anyhow thanks for the great swop as I really enjoyed that one-shot! ♥

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi! :) I'm so glad you liked the story, and thought it was a fitting tribute to Alice and Frank! I loved writing them, I wrote this for a challenge which was too enticing to resist!

I'm really glad you liked Alice and her characterization! I wanted to make her realistic as possible, and in my mind she was a bit like Neville in the way she doesn't realize how wonderful she is. I felt bad for her being bullied as well, but felt like not everyone would understand kids like Alice!

Okay, I'm so very happy to hear that you thought the story flowed and didn't come across as too fragmented with the different memories. I was worried about that! :)

The touching hands was one of my favourite bits to imagine! I was so proud of Alice for making the first move, haha. They're just too cute together! :)

Yay for feels! I'm glad you approved of Alice fleeing, she loved Neville more than anything and his safety was her primary concern, even if it meant being slightly selfish and not staying to help.

I loved this review, and thank you so much for your lovely words!!! :D


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Review #18, by Maelody Eyes of Glass

23rd May 2013:
Hey, here I am with your review!

Wow, let me just say if you hadn't requested, I would have searched this story out. It was amazing! You nearly had me reduced to tears right at the end just because the realization of where she was hit me and it was so sad.

You beautifully transition time in her thoughts, and I really admire that you've done so. You've not only written a story about Alice, but you honestly created her character. Even though Frank and August weren't really speaking parts, you did such a good job at describing them that I felt that I knew who they were as people just because of the way you wrote them.

M'alice was pretty awesome. She almost sort of reminds me of the Luna of her time, though maybe not quite as 'mad'. Oh, if only the students then would know someone like Luna would step through the walls of Hogwarts. They'd take everything they said about poor Alice back! She is so loving, compassionate, curious, bashful, tiny, and beautifully written. Honestly, she went through a rage of emotions which were expressed so clearly that you could see an Alice being created, and know instantly that this is how Alice was.

The way she doted on Frank made me smile. How he was older, she was younger, and then even then everyone else was younger than her. She fell in love with him, and their wedding ceremony was everything I never imagined it to be, but the only way I can picture it now because it was in such a dark time, and in such a quick pace, that you knew exactly what you were doing. Am I praising you too much? Nah ;).

This story was beautiful. In fact, I can't help but think that if I were to go back and read it again, I'd cry for sure because I know just where it's going now. Every quirk has a story, every pro-noun has its meaning, and every person has a life.

If I had to knit-pick anything, it would be the end on how you described her hair. In the books, it says that her hair is silver. I think that was in the fourth (maybe the fifth?) when it was mentioned, so I wouldn't think that her hair would still be brown. Also, how Neville says that he needs someone to love him. I don't know why, but I've always imagined that Neville always knew his parents loved him. It was their own special way of loving him, even if he didn't think they could feel for him the way they could.

That's what broke my heart, by the way. The fact that she was recalling bits of things in her head, such as the fact that Neville was her son, and he seemed to be growing and she didn't know why. She wanted to be a mother to her baby, and she wanted to see him grow up, but it's all too confusing for her.

This was absolutely beautiful! From your own descriptions, to the Alice and Wonderland bits that added just the slightest bit of humor for me because I could recognize the reference. I'm so glad you requested, and I'm going to go ahead and add it to my favorites as well. :)

Author's Response: Hello! Wow, I am so flattered and honoured that you liked the story. I had no idea how it would really come across and getting this positive feedback means a lot to me. :)

Alice just sprang into my head fully formed and created her own character through the words. I'm really happy she seemed round and realistic, and that she seemed like an entire character through her thoughts. Frank as well!

I thought M'alice was great as well! She is like Luna, only Luna doesn't care what people thought of her whereas Alice does. She's such an amazing person, but can't see it in herself, which I think is something a lot of incredible people experience. I'm really happy she came across as a lovely person while she couldn't really see herself as being brave, or pretty, or likeable.

I'm not much of a wedding person, and I felt like Alice and Frank just thought this sort of ceremony was appropriate if not as romantic. In those times it was certainly harder to organize these events safely, and again Alice doesn't like to make a fuss. :)

Thank you so much for all your lovely words, they're making me blush! Giving this story meaning was so important to me while writing it. I'll go back and adjust the hair colour: maybe it could be another symbol of how she has changed from the Alice she once was. I think that she does still love Neville, just doesn't know how to express it, and for a kid like Neville that's hard to accept, and he can't help but feel pathetic and bitter at times. :(

Thank you so much again for this truly wonderful review, and for favouriting the story! :D You're the best! :)


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