Reading Reviews for Protégé
  
3 Reviews Found

Review #1, by BluebirdBrigade Weaknesses and Loyalties

15th July 2013:
Damn, I felt exceedingly sorry for Barty throughout this story - Bellatrix is so vindictive and evil and just...ugh. I didn't like her here but I thought your writing style was super flawless. You had the perfect balance of dialogue and description and I liked the way you put her slinking words in italics so we as a reader could differentiate what was going on and who was saying what.

Damn gurl, your descriptions were beautiful - I was like wow those are some big words and you made it all sound so poetic. Such a great flow as well for the story and there were absolutely no grammar or spelling mistakes that I saw. Brilliant job and well done, lovely read.

Author's Response: Bluebirdbrigade,

First of all, I would like to thank you for reading and reviewing! I'm so pleased to know that you enjoyed reading this, and as a writer, it's the people's pleasure that not only keeps me writing, but having the actual courage to post my work up for others to read. It's a refreshing feeling really--to write my heart out and be able to share it with others.

Barty! Honestly, as much as he had made wrongs in cannon, I love him to death. He's one of those villains that I can't help but coo over, because in reality, I think he was just lost. For some reason, I think he had a sorry childhood, having an overbearing father who gave more of a damn about his work than his own kid, leaving Barty to wander into a pretty crappy walk of life. And from there, things just twisted for the worst.

As for Bellatrix, I have a love-hate relationship with her. I love her dangerous nature, being the one to lead her pack, only second in command to Voldemort is how I think of it. I love how her rather 'eff you!" attitude. But I hate her for killing Sirius. Anywho, I aimed to make her merciless in this piece. It's a shame though that I couldn't make her any darker. I tried to make her more evil and sinister, but validation staff told me that it was too crude for the archives, therefore I had to tone it down a few notches.

Thank you for the compliments on my descriptions! Not to sound cocky, but I honestly pride myself on them; it makes up for my weaknesses on creating suitable dialogue for my characters, which I will admit, I have the greatest trouble on still.

I am just so glad that you enjoyed this! Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review. It really does mean a lot to me.

PhoenixPulse


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Review #2, by ohmymerlin Weaknesses and Loyalties

16th May 2013:
Hello! I would have reviewed sooner but I accidentally forgot I was meant to read and review this but I'm here now so no harm done! :D

This was... interesting. I love the way you write Barty, you're very talented at that! I also loved the way you wrote Bellatrix. So sinister! :D

I also love your imagery. It's a definite strong point of yours! (teach me pls) It was so chilling some of the sentences you used omfg.

The only thing that I think could have been better is the dialogue. I just feel it's very... clunky? I'm not too sure how to word it, but whenever I struggle with it (aka 100% of the time :p), I just read it out loud to see if I (or my character) would talk like that.

But other than that, I loved it! I love all your work, Pearl! It's always so amazing and just iedhgdkiefdk ♥

So yeah, I just loved this! And it's a definite 10/10! :D

Author's Response: Kayla! It's always a pleasure getting reviews from you, you're so wonderful! :)

First, I'll answer your CC. You aren't the first to have pointed out my flaw in character dialogue, and I think I understand where you're coming from when you say "clunky". I'll definately be more careful when writting out what my characters say. Dialogue, I'll admit, is one of my biggest weaknesses in writing, and something I do need to work on.

As for Barty and Bellatrix, I love them both dearly, and I'm pleased that you liked the way I wrote them. I tried to get Bellatrix as insane as I can get her, and in a way I'm pleased, but at the same time I wished I could make her darker. I tried twice, but validation rejections sort of kept me from doing so. I understand of course, the reasons why, but still...

Thank you so much dearie for your review! You're always so sweet.


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Review #3, by patronus_charm Weaknesses and Loyalties

13th May 2013:
I somehow stumbled on this one-shot, and I’m so glad that I did as it was truly wonderful. I really love reading stories about the war from the Death Eater perspective as it’s fascinating to studying, and you portrayed it excellently here. I think you chose great characters to work with in this one-shot and we really got a sense of them.

Barty’s characterisation really shown through in this one-shot, which is really great considering you only have one shot at making it work. I think you caught his confusion and paranoia brilliantly, and it was exactly how I imagined him to be in this stage of his life. When he was being put under the imperius you could tell how he wanted to fight it, yet struggled and that could almost be considered as a metaphor for his life as he never seemed to flourish like everyone else could.

You had some really wonderful imagery in here too, like here ‘its tan color now blossomed with splotchy, crimson dots.’ And here ‘eagerness dancing in her eyes, and a sardonic smile on her lips.’ It made it a real pleasure to read as I could tell you had put thought into the story and it really raised it to another level.

I liked the contrast you created between Bellatrix and Rabastan too. It showed how though most people view Death Eaters as all out extremists, there are different levels to them. You have the more moderate ones, like Rabastan, who are still have some humanity about them. Then there are the ones like Bellatrix who are just piped to the post of evilness by Voldemort.

The only CC I have for you is that at times I felt that the characters were overtly familiar with one another given their social standing and relationship. Like here ‘You’re mad, for a rather decent looking woman!"’ I had to get rid of the b word to make it 12+, but it did feel a bit strange as I always imagined Barty as someone timid. It’s only a minor thing though.

Other than that it was a really fantastic one-shot, and I’m so glad that I read it :D

-Kiana

Author's Response: Kiana,

Wow...just, wow. I'm just blown away with your review, truly, I am. I can't put into words how to respond to this, so I'll try the best I can.

First off, I just want to say how flattered I am to hear that you thought I captured Barty's character pretty well. I wanted to capture his crazed mentality, but I didn't want it to go overboard like Bellatrix's personality, so I had to admit, I did struggle some in finding the perfect median.

As for the link you made between his inability to throw off the imperius cure and his life in general, I must say, I wasn't fully thinking that at all when I typed it out. But now that you did point it out, I must say, metaphorical wise, it makes sense.

As for the imagery...I tried to put in as much detail as I could. I love a good description when I read stories myself, and I know many other readers do as well, so whenever I write, I try to put in as much as I could into the focused work.

And Bellatrix and Rabastan! I personally adore Bellatrix, even though I'll probably be forever sore that she killed Sirius--but I felt so comfortable writing Bellatrix's character! In the original draft, I made her more darker and her intentions with Barty more violent, but after two rejection notices, I realised I couldn't achieve that Bellatrix level I wanted. It honestly tore up my little writer's heart...

As for Rabastan...him I wasn't so sure of. I debated to myself pleanty of times, "How dark do I want to make this character?" "Is he like Bellatrix, after all, he did help look for the Dark Lord and torture the Longbottoms into insanity." But the more I thought about it, the more I believed that it was all Bellatrix's dirty work. Being married with Rodolphus, the husband joined, and through his brother, Rabastan joined in with the ride. And then there was always my personal opinion that Bellatrix truly had no love for her husband, or as I had Rabastan quote: "It was a loveless union". I'd like to imagine what you said was true, that Rabastan did at least have a drop of humanity in him, at least...more than Bellatrix. Bellatrix was just crazy!

And for the CC, I totally get what you're saying, and I do consider it. It's just that, with Barty, I was never wholley familiar with his character, and I researched as much as I could about him, but it's kind of hard without the book actually in front of you. The internet can only provide so much...

I personally never imagined Barty as timid. Quiet yes, but in a cunning, overly-observing way. I suppose my characterization of him can be further described in my other one-shot of him, "Shadow". It's rather hard to explain straight-up how I feel about him

I just want to thank you so much for reading and taking the time to actually type up this wonderful, thought out review. So much depth, it made my mouth hurt from making me smile. It truly was a way to end my day. Thank you so much!!

Pearl


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