Reading Reviews for The Uninvited Guest
  
6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by RosieWeasly11 Chapter the Second

5th September 2013:
oh yeah you just had to finish it there! great chapter tho xx

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Review #2, by Abby Chapter the Second

23rd August 2013:
Wow. You've got a really great writing style. I can't wait to read the rest!

Author's Response: Thank you! Hopefully the next chapter will be up soon!

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Review #3, by White-Magician Chapter the First

10th August 2013:
Hey there!
For a first chapter, it's really interesting! I really liked it!
I particularly love how you built Anna's personnality. She is so "original" compared to the larger-than-life characters, I mean a shy, lonely girl who barely speaks and who ISN'T friend with Lily Evans, that's just gold you know!
I love it!

I really hope to see a second chapter soon, because you've made me hungry for more!

XxX

Author's Response: To be honest, it's kind of irritating having a perfect OC all the time, and I wanted to write something original, like you said. The next chapter is almost finished, so maybe it'll be put in the queue either tomorrow or the day after :)

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Review #4, by Penelope Inkwell Chapter the First

14th July 2013:
Hi there! Penelope here with your requested review. Sorry that itís so late! I normally have a much quicker turnaround, but Iíve been entrenched on the House Cup over at the forums. My apologies! Suffice it to say, Iím a tad competitive. But I tried to leave a long, detailed review, so perhaps that will make up for it. Forgive me?

Okay, so, you requested a general review. Here goes:

Your writingís quite good. I am genuinely intrigued as to what might be going on with Anna, and though I have a few guesses, I keep doubting myself. So thatís very good work youíve done there.

It reads very naturally--a real step above many fics Iíve come across. Very solid on grammar, with nice descriptions. Itís refreshing to see something like that.

Right on, girl! Iím so glad she had something to snap back at Sirius. He was a real jerk, calling her a freak. Brava to her that, for all her shyness, she still isnít a doormat.

The professors all seem to be very canonical in the way they act. Even Dumbledore, who is only mentioned, because of course heíd be helpful and kind to any student dealing with such a weighty issue (which it obviously is, even if we donít know the specifics).

I do have some questions. If Anna has always been this way--super quiet, anti-social--then why are people still whispering about it now, her senior year? Obviously sheís got some sort of issue, but did she always have it, or did she get it and pull away from people afterwards? Or did her lack of ability to answer/talk to people have serious consequences recently? Otherwise it just seems like people would accept that she was a bit odd and forget about her, rather than gossiping about her all the time. Usually people prefer scandal over silence when it comes to things to whisper about.

Also, what was the impetus for Sirius to be such a jerk (calling her a freak) and then switch to ĎI want to be friendsí? Maybe thatís something I canít know now that would be explained later, but I was curious as to his change of heart. Or, if he was interested the whole time, what offended him enough to cause him to be so cruel initially?

I also found it odd that Lily was so mean. It seems that, since sheís such an overachiever, sheíd hardly be able to cast stones. Though perhaps sheís just jealous, since sheís used to being teacherís pet? Itís an interesting characterization, and I certainly would look forward to knowing the how and why, and seeing her develop.

Remus was drawn perfectly. He was little Professor Lupin, and even in just a few lines, his character shown through. Very nice job with him!

I like Anna, and I certainly want to know more about her. Iím also curious about what she looks like, aside from being blonde.

From the story:

"Maybe it could come in handy one day.Ē Hmm. Iíll have to remember that--sounds significant. Well, it seems like Anna would certainly relish the ability to disappear.

Dorcas being an animal rights activist--I see so many humorous opportunities with that. Good choice. I can just see someone protesting the rights of Flobberworms or something, and it makes me smile :D


"She thought that, without the help of him and Professor McGonagall, she didnít think sheíd still be alive.Ē One grammar thing of note: you have ďShe thought thatĒ and ďshe didnít think sheídĒ and you donít actually need both of them.

Overall, I really liked it. This chapter has a certain je ne se quoi, for lack of a better term. I donít know how to say just what it is, but even though itís sort of depressing, and even though I have an endless amount of questions, I really enjoyed it. It makes me want more. So, very good work. I think itís an excellent beginning. Please feel free to re-request!



Author's Response: Hii! It's okay - I forgive you, especially since you left me such a long and lovely review *squishes*

Thank you! I was aiming to have people guessing about what's wrong with Anna while they were reading, so I'm glad I managed to do that.

Ugh, it annoys me when I read about people who are so shy and withdrawn that they can't even stick up for themselves, so I really don't want my characters to be like that. You might find most of my characters are like that :P

No, Anna hasn't always been so shy. She's never been popular like Lily, Dorcas, Marlene and Mary but she used to talk and participate. I won't give away too much, because it'll be revealed in the next few chapters, hopefully. Sirius was being a jerk because James was around. James being James, he doesn't really like Anna, and he expected Sirius to act like that too.

Lily does start out a bit mean, but she gets nicer :)

Anna has lots of secrets. And I mean LOTS. But they will be revealed, don't worry.

Well, Dorcas and her obsession with animals comes up a lot later on. She's a bit like Hermione with the S.P.E.W thing, but Dorcas doesn't have a club, nor does she have a name for it :P

Aah, thanks for that :) I'll fix it as soon as I can.

I'm glad you liked it! Always speak French when you don't know what else to say xD The story does have a sad ending, and some sad parts in the middle, so it is generally quite a depressing story, but there is some fun in the middle as Anna's character develops :) Thank you so much for a wonderfully constructive review!

Summer x




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Review #5, by Pensieve Princess Chapter the First

8th June 2013:
I'm excited to see where you take this! :)

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm writing the next chapter so hopefully it'll be up soon :)

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Review #6, by RosieWeasly11 Chapter the First

23rd May 2013:
awww *tears in eyes* obviously i know what happens but lovely start x

Author's Response: Haha, thanks! (Don't tell ANYBODY!) xx

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